Ch. 6:

Elliot moves to sit on the edge of the bed, but doesn't reach for her, "Liv can you look at me?"

"You think I'm broken, that I'm unfit to be in your son's life that I'll…" She cuts herself off with a sob.

"Liv, I need you to look at me so I can tell you something," Olivia rolls over onto her back her face red and stained with tears, her eyes flick around to Elliot's and then away and he places his hand, palm-up on the bed next to her, "I think you were kidnapped by a psychopathic, dirtbag and he should have every limb torn from his body and burn for eternity in hell. You though are not broken and there is nothing you can say or do that will result in Kathy or I not letting you see Eli, not again. These past few years…that's on me Liv that's my cross to bear and I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you, because you didn't deserve that not from me of all people. You, though, are Eli's God Mother and I will never stand between the two of you again, especially not for something a sick pervert did to you," Olivia grips his hand and he pulls her gently to him so he can hug her as she sobs into his t-shirt.

"Detective Benson may I come in I need to change your bandages?"

Olivia jumps back and yelps as shooting pain travels up and down her body and she mumbles, "Yeah of course." Olivia's hands wipe furiously at her eyes in a futile attempt to hide the tears, "When can I get released?"

"Tomorrow but you'll need to stay with someone and you're out of work for at least 4 to 6 weeks, could be more, and no desk duty until at least 6 weeks Captain Cragen's orders."

Olivia's head falls back onto the pillow while she looks out the window and whispers in defeat, "El can you…" She looks back down to where her fingers play with a string from Elliot's hoodie, ashamed to even think the thought much less ask it.

"You want some privacy?" Olivia nods and Elliot stands kissing her head for the umpteenth time and says, "Knock when I can come out, I'll go take ten minutes to change," He winks at her and smiles and Olivia finally lets a small upturn of her lips slip past.

It's almost 30 minutes later when Elliot finally exits the bathroom and Olivia is alone crying silently, "Liv…"

"I'm fine it's just…" She waves a hand up in the air as though that's answer enough and based off Elliot's nod it seems it will do.

"Can I sit down under the blankets?" She lifts the second set immediately, and he places his shoes by the nightstand before he climbs in, and immediately wraps his arms around her as tears fall onto his chest.

They lay there in silence Olivia's brain whirring so loudly Elliot can hear it and when he's just about to ask her voice cracks a little as she says, "The doctor says I have to stay with someone, don't have a choice about it apparently and I know it's a lot to ask-"

"Liv you don't even have to ask, you always have a room at my place."

"I've missed you El more than I think I even realized," Olivia whispers against his chest and he squeezes and he sees a small smile grace her lips again, "Can we turn on the TV again?"

Elliot channel surfs for awhile until he finally settles on the new Jumanji movie that's just starting, Olivia dozes off within the first five minutes before she jumps awake after only a couple minutes. It happens three more times and each jump awake looks more painful than the last when Elliot finally breaks the cycle, "Liv can I suggest something?"

"Give up sleeping?" Olivia chuckles humorlessly and says, "Don't worry I'm already planning on it El so I won't do this at your place."

"Actually Liv, I meant can I try holding you so you can sleep?"

"You would hold me?" Elliot nods, "What'd be in it for you?" Her eyes search his face, skeptical as though there's a hidden agenda to this that she hasn't considered yet.

"You need rest and I just want to help you get a few hours of much needed sleep, that's all," Elliot says his voice is kind and he's careful to keep his voice free of any annoyance at being questioned. Olivia would assume she was being challenged and he doesn't want her building more walls, she already has far too many, if you ask him.

Olivia scoffs lightly but relents scootches down to a more comfortable position, "Fine how do we do this?"

Elliot moves so their eye-level and facing each other and then he wraps her in his arm, her cast resting on their hips and her face pressed into his chest and a small gasp escapes from Olivia's lips, "Basically like this is it too much?"

She shakes her head and sob breaks free, "I feel so pathetic."

"You of all people Liv are not useless, pathetic, or broken for that matter you went through a major trauma and you've…you've had a great deal of trauma in your childhood and your adult life. You're human and sometimes you need someone to lean on, you've done it for me and I can do it for you if you want me."

"I can't stop crying how can I do I even have the ability to cry anymore?"

"Liv the fact that you're here is more than most could deal with, your tears aren't a weakness you're coping with the aftermath of a severe trauma you know that."

Olivia scoffs like she hates the idea, like she doesn't need him but she burrows further into his chest her good hand clinging and twisting around the sweatshirt he changed into, "I've become entirely dependent on you in here how am I gonna be independent again if I can't even-"

"Liv you were held for four days, I've been here for two give yourself a grace period to heal nobody is judging you and certainly not me," his voice is soft, his fingers run themselves up and down her back, as her nose fills with his familiar scent. Years have gone by since she last saw him and his scent hasn't changed, she hates change loves consistency, and having her feet on solid footing. Right now everything thing in her life is changing and she feels like she'll never know what solid footing is again, but then there's his smell. It's the one thing that hasn't changed and she falls asleep thinking about how he's the one constant in her life.

Elliot's eyes squint against the bright sun shining into the hospital room and Nick is already sitting in the chair beside the bed, "Ya know that's kinda creepy right? What time is it?"

The other guy laughs and hands him a cup of coffee, "Any less now? 8:45 I just got here like five minutes ago, you guys finally sleep?"

Elliot nods and takes a sip and confesses, "A bit you're moving in the right direction Liv tell ya how I took my coffee?"

"Only a billion times I almost ordered a few times myself cause she got it stuck in my head," The two men laugh until Nick looks down at the woman who is still in a deep sleep against Elliot's side, "She gets discharged today."

Although it's a statement Elliot hears the questions, is she staying with you? And are you going to be there for her, no matter what? "She agreed to my condo it's three bedrooms so she'll have her own room and bathroom, she'll be safe there."

"And get to see her Godson?"

"Constantly," Elliot says it as though it's a promise and it is in the sense that he won't keep her from Eli again, won't leave her again.

Olivia moans her face burying further into his sweatshirt as she mumbles, "Constantly what?"

Elliot watches as she blinks slowly up at him waiting, "Just that you'll constantly get to see your Godson."

Olivia looks between her partner and her former partner looking for any evidence of deceit, "That's all we said and the fact that you told me his coffee order so many times I almost ordered on accident for myself."

Ch. 7:

"The benefit of being partners for 13 years, you never forget somethings," Olivia says with a smile glancing up at Elliot and he kisses her head as they all take a sip of their coffee. "Hey can you get into my apartment?"

"Liv…CSU isn't fin-"

"No, I don't mean-…can you get in and grab something for me?" Nick nods, "There's some NYPD sweats they're about 2 or 3 sizes too big and really worn, I always keep them in the bottom right drawer of my dresser with the mirror…I need them."

"What's so special about some old sweats?"

"I gave them to Liv after Sealview," Elliot's voice thick with disbelief and something else as he stares at her, "I can't believe you still have them."

"It's the only thing I can wear when a case hits home, there's still a hint of you on them no matter how many times they're washed."

The doctor comes in with the discharge papers and then begins her spiel about the bandages, "Detective Benson I know you don't want to have help with this but it would be impossible for you to do it on your own." She finishes talking about the medications and follow-up appointments before she finally says a nurse will be in with a wheelchair soon.

Olivia shuts down after she leaves turns to face out the window in the fetal position and refuses to answer Nick or Elliot's repeated attempts to talk to her. Elliot moves around the bed and bends directly in front of her, "Listen whatever it is about these bandages no matter what reason you need them for I'll do them blindfolded or you can do them and I'll just stand there as an extra set of hands while you keep me blindfolded. If you want help…if you want to talk about them I would never judge you but I understand and I'm going to do whatever it takes to help you," Olivia nods the smallest nod and Elliot grips her hand.

When the nurse comes in with the wheelchair, Nick pushes her down the to the first floor and Elliot has already gone ahead to pull up the car, "You know he won't judge you right? He isn't going to use it against you, he…"

"He what?" A soft whisper pleading for him to finish his sentence, needs to know what she was gonna say.

Nick coughs before he replies gruffly, "He's still gonna love you, Liv. You're not gonna lose him again not over this, especially not over this."

Instead of heading towards the front door he goes down a hallway, and she grips the wheelchair with her good hand, "Where are you going?"

"Media has been camping out there since you arrived, Elliot is meeting us around the back." A security guard and uniformed officer stand by the back door as they approach, and the uniformed officer escorts them out the door to where Elliot stands waiting beside his red Toyota 4Runner with tinted windows.

"Do you have the address for my condo?"

"Yeah, I'm all good I'll be there in an hour or so."

Elliot starts the truck and drives down the alleyway towards the busy street away from the hospital and the human vultures, "You hungry?"

Olivia shakes her head staring out the window as they drive, "How big is this condo of yours? I was under the impression it was just an apartment?"

"No I got a 3 bedroom and 2 bath condo, I uh…co-own a private security company with a buddy from the service and it pays well to say the least," Elliot says as they fly back into the city, "Kathy jokes that I missed my calling."

"You would've probably still been together," Olivia spits the words out like they taste bad in her mouth.

"Well considering that it was amicable and she actually found a guy who I like I don't think that's true, besides we're still friends and that's all that matters. Our kids don't have to worry about going from one house to another for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We've even gone on family vacations together since the divorce, other than not living together not much has changed." Elliot's phone rings and Kathleen's name flashes across the Bluetooth enabled screen, "Hey honey say hi to Liv,"

"Hey Liv," If she's surprised her voice doesn't give anything away, "Mom asked if I could stop and get you some groceries but didn't tell me what you needed?"

"Just comfort foods, you know?" Elliot glances at her she can see him out of the corner of her eye but she doesn't look up from her lap, "What kinda soup do you like, Liv?"

She shrugs and mumbles, "Cream of mushroom or tomato with grilled cheese?"

"I got it, Liv," Kathleen replies and they hear her shift her phone to her shoulder as she walks in to the store grabbing a cart.

"Thanks honey," Elliot answers they skirt around the word comfort even though that's what they're talking about and they all know it. They hang up a minute later Kathleen promising to be at his condo soon and she has her key if she beats them there.

Elliot's condo is homey and warm there's pictures everywhere of the kids, his awards and commendations hang proudly on the one wall as you enter the family room the center of attention, and she finds herself unable to look away. The thought crosses her mind that she should do the same, should remove them from the box in her closet where she hides them.

She sits on the couch as she thinks about this as she thinks about the apartment that once was her home and she wonders if she'll ever have that feeling again. She liked that one…a lot and now it's go- a picture frame catches her eye, or rather the picture itself, and it interrupts her train of thought. It's her, Elliot, and Eli and she's holding him in his Christening Gown. She's grinning at the camera so proud she remembers that day, remembers it being one of the best days of her life.

Five and a Half Years Ago:

The day he asked it was his first day back to work and he waited the entire day with the gift sitting in the bottom drawer of his desk, he finally pulled it out as they were leaving and offered to give her a ride home, she accepted as always. Just as she was about to get into the passenger side he stopped her his hand light on the back of her elbow as he said her name, and then he handed her the small gift bag filled over the brim with tissue paper. A small smile on her lips as she pushed the paper to the side and looked inside there was a candle Vanilla scent, her favorite, and a small black box she looked up at him apprehensive he's never done anything like this. She opened it slowly a heart-shaped locket that had the inscription, 'Eli's God-Mother' and a picture of her and Eli when he was first born, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

Elliot grinned at her but his voice was coated with emotion when he said, "Will you help us raise him right?"

She nodded as she stared at the locket with tears in his eyes, and then wrapped his arms tight around his neck, "Of course I will, El!"

They got into the car after he put the necklace on her, and her fingers immediately wrapped around the heart, "You know the job also comes with a requirement to provide free babysitting," She laughed and swatted his arm as he drove her home.

Oliva wraps her fingers around the locket as she stares the photo, she has this same photo on the other side of the locket and she doesn't let herself think of why she chose a photo of the three of them over just her and Eli. The locket resting just above her heart is like a physical reminder her promise five and a half years ago, and his promise a day ago.

Elliot walks into the family room and looks at the photo as he hands her a water, "I love that photo," she nods and whispers 'me too.'

"Hey dad," Kathleen calls as the door slams behind her and Olivia jumps at the unexpected noise, "I still have like 4 bags in my car, can you help?" She's asks as she walks further into the condo carrying two large paper bag, "Hey Liv." She looks at her dad then and tosses him her keys, "I'll unpack these."

Elliot catches them easily and laughs, "Why do I have to trudge back and forth, you're a lot younger than I am?"

"Yeah but I figure you'd want the arm workout," She winks at Olivia and laughs while Olivia smiles softly at the exchange.

Elliot squeezes Olivia's hand a silent question and she squeezes back a silent answer, Olivia moves to the bar to watch her as she meticulously unpacks the groceries and begins putting away the groceries, "El says you're a social worker now?"

Kathleen nods, "Yeah, I actually owe you a big thank you if it wasn't for you, I'd be…well who knows where I'd be…but you inspired me a lot."

"I'm just glad you're happy, life seems to be working out well for you from what your dad said," Olivia says softly watching the young woman who she watched grow up.

Kathleen turns around to look at her and she laughs a little, "Yeah well you know my dad he loves to brag about his kids if nothing else, but yeah life is good and I'm happy."

"If there was one conversation your dad loved having it was the ones about you guys, there were some stakeouts where all he did was tells these stories about you guys and they'd make me laugh so hard," Olivia chuckles softly as she returns to the past.

"That sounds like dad," Kathleen grins from the other side of the bar and then her voice drops an octave and worry fills her eyes, "You alright, Liv?"

Olivia sucks in a breath and looks down at the counter, "I will be your dad…the fact he came at all and now letting me stay here it helps."

Kathleen nods and squeezes her good hand once and then Elliot is walking in with two bags and Nick follows behind with another two bags and a duffle bag over his shoulder filled with Olivia's clothes. The condo is filled with talking and laughing for a couple hours, Kathleen is the first to mention heading out and Nick says he'll walk out with her something about having a shit ton of paperwork on his desk and Cragen ready to murder him.

Elliot and Olivia sit in silence on the couch, Olivia has changed into his hoodie and the sleeve is wrapped around her good hand, so it's completely hidden from view. "Wanna see your room?"

Olivia nods and helps her up wrapping an arm around her shoulders gently, grabbing her duffle bag and the bandages from the hospital as they walk by down the hall, "Technically its my room but it has the attached bath and I figure you'd want more privacy so I'll be next door in the guest room."

She stops in the middle of the hallway shaking her head refusing to walk any further, "No I can't, I won't take your room I can deal with walking across a hallway to the bathroom, El. I'll be fine you don't have to do this for me, you've already done too much for me you don't have to give up your room."

"Can I just show it to you and then we can fight about our sleeping arrangements?" Olivia sighs but nods and Elliot wraps his arm around her again, "I moved out enough clothes for two weeks and all my bathroom stuff, you have half my closet and I can empty a drawer for you if you want but I really do want you to take my room."

"Why?"

Elliot sets the bag down on the bed and sits down next to it, "You have more privacy and your own bathroom we both know that you'll want at least a couple warm showers-"

Olivia scoffs, "That's putting it mildly."

"Exactly and you can keep me in the dark about how long, how many, or anything else that happens in there and as long as you come out at some point to eat and have a conversation I won't ask."

"You promise me, El?" Olivia stares daggers into his eyes and he nods looking into her eyes, "It would be nice to take over a guy's closet for once in my life maybe do some redecorating in here." Olivia laughs at Elliot's the offended expression before he grins at her, "Alright, your room it is. Now get outta here I do wanna take a shower and change," Elliot laughs and says something about her being bossy and she laughs, "Damn straight I had to keep you in line somehow partner."

She uses all the hot water available, spends a full 45 minutes sitting on the tub floor, with her left arm sitting on the ledge protected by the shower curtain. The shower head sprays water so hot her skin is red and raw when she exits.

She pats herself dry careful of the stitches and she reaches for the gauze bandages but it's difficult to do in pain and impossible in pain and with only one good arm and she feels a tear travel down her cheek at the realization that her doctor is right. She walks into the adjoining bedroom and stares at the three pairs of underwear, still in the plastic wrap that was given to her by the hospital. The humiliation increases tenfold when she realizes that she can't even dress herself, he's going to know everything about her, see everything etched on her body from childhood to now.

Ch. 8:

She rests her forehead against the doorframe and calls through the closed bedroom door, "El?"

She hears him walking down the hallway, his footsteps getting closer, "You alright Liv?" He's right outside her door but he won't come in not until she asks him to or opens it herself.

"I need…" a raw sob breaks through her lips and her hand grips her stomach as she leans against the wall, "I can't do it on my own…please?"

Elliot opens the door and he's staring at her in nothing but a towel her hair almost dry from how long she was in the shower. She doesn't look up at him her eyes boring a hole into the floor, "Liv…"

"I need you to help me…get dressed and do the bandages," She feels the tears well in her eyes as she says, "I can't do anything for myself anymore he took everything from me, more than anyone else has ever before."

He wraps his arms around her shoulders pulling her closer and her head falls against his chest, slow tears trail down her cheeks like she's giving up and he kisses her head, "Okay how about the underwear first? I'll pull them on and once you can grab them you pull them up." Olivia nods and he opens the plastic-wrapped underwear and says, "We'll have someone go to your apartment and get you your own or I can have Kathy or one of the girls run to the store, whichever you want."

She stares at him but doesn't reply and he bends in front of her and she grips the top of his shoulder as she steps into the underwear. When he finally reaches her thigh she stops him, tells him to turn around and close his eyes before she lifts the towel and finishes.

He grabs his old t-shirt the one the one he gave her after Sealview and she wouldn't talked to him afterwards said she was 'fine' like a broken record. However, when he realized she wasn't sleeping a week later he placed the folded clothes in her locker with a note that said, 'Give them back when you're ready. -El.' She'd slept that night and he never got the clothes back and never talked about it, and when Cragen asked why he was placing a new order for the NYPD-issued workout trio he made up a lie about a bad night with Eli.

He goes to put the shirt over her head and she backs away, "You have to do the bandages first…the um stitches…the stitches need-"

"I know but let's make you comfortable first," he interrupts softly and pulls the medium Men's shirt over her head it hangs on her, partly because it's a Men's medium but also because she isn't eating. The cast is easy to maneuver in such a large t-shirt and he puts the sling on, and then she finally drops the towel to her waist line keeping her legs covered and he goes into the bathroom to get the bandages, her feet still planted and he asks, "Ready?"

She nods tears welling in her eyes already and she drops the towel, hears him rather than sees him react to the site of her legs.

The front and back of her thighs are scattered with words, literally carved into her skin some of the words are small and other's large, and he realizes they were made with different knives. The scars surround her thighs all within view of her own eyes so every time she's looks down she's treated to a stark reminder. There are burn marks and he realizes with a jolt that some are from years ago, the physical wound healed and scarred over, but there are others that are fresh against her olive skin.

She cries silently as she stands there her good arm over her eyes as his fingers graze over the words like a breath of air so soft it doesn't hurt, she barely even feels it, "Liv…I can call a wom-"

"No please dear God don't call anyone else, I don't trust anyone else but you," A sob escapes her lips as her body shakes with uninhibited. "He succeeded…I finally feel as ugly on the outside as I do on the inside."

Elliot stands then lifting her into his arms and sitting on the edge of the bed cradling her, her head against his chest as she fists his shirt into her hand, "Who's gonna love me now? He took the most attractive parts of me and he ruined me-"

"You're going to find someone amazing who is going to look at these and see resilience and beauty in you, and make no mistake Olivia Marie Benson you are gorgeous and attractive what he did to you doesn't change that."

"How am I going to be naked in front of a man…how am I going to let him in to this part of me now? The walls I have now are too high for most to scale, how am I going to even come close to confronting this? Even with the lights off he's going to feel…he's going to feel them he's going to know what they say," She looks down at her legs and lifts her shirt up and settles it under her chest, cause he's going to see them anyways.

Elliot stares down at her body the only reprieve from the words and stitches is the space where the black cotton underwear are, he swallows hard before he asks, "Are there more?"

Olivia turns her face fully into his chest sobbing and nodding and begging, "Don't make me show those to you yet please? Please just bandage these for me now?"

Elliot nods lays her down on his navy bedspread and kneels on the carpeting beside her, he works methodically rips off about 20 pieces of tape and places them temporarily on the end of his nightstand. He kneels beside her, like he's praying and part of her thinks he is when she sees his lips move ever-so-slightly, for 30 minutes he work until he's finally done. He takes her good arm looks at the long cut on the underside of her wrist, he hasn't seen it until 40 minutes ago, she had always stayed wrapped in long-sleeves and sweatshirts at the hospital.

He wraps it in gauze and sighs as he on the edge of the bed beside her, and she doesn't look at him knows what he's going to say before he does, "Where else Liv?"

She doesn't move, keeps her eyes trained to an unseen spot as she mumbles, "My chest," Elliot nods he'd figured as much, her reaction made that much clear, "Can you try not to-"

"Yeah, the best I can," Elliot interrupts his voice soft and she sits up just enough so she can lift the top her right hand gripping it as Elliot reaches for a bandage covering up the words on her breasts. He can't help but breathlessly say her name when he sees the tally-marks symmetrically placed near the center of her breasts, and there's two symmetrical burn marks in the center of her nipples.

He pulls the shirt from her hands gently and sighs thankful when she's finally covered again, he grabs the sweats and pulls them over her legs gently. She hasn't moved, hasn't uttered a word since she lifted her top and silent tears roll off her cheek as she stares at the unseen spot.

Elliot carefully moves to sit on the other side of the bed moving slowly across it and when he gets close enough, he lifts her under her armpits she moans in pain and weakens his grip and pulls her the tiniest bit closer to him centimeter by centimeter until she's against his chest. He pulls the oversized sweatshirt over her head, feeds her right arm through it and let's her left stay covered underneath before he pulls the sweatshirt down covering the t-shirt. He sighs then falling back into the pillows as she sits against him in silence, "Thank you," her voice is so quiet he thinks it may just be a figment of his imagination.

"Anything for you, Liv," He still replies though only slightly louder than hers.

Ch. 9:

She lays on her side curled into a ball, her head on his chest, "You won't tell anyone right?"

"Didn't they take pictures at the hospital?"

"I refused."

"Liv you kno—"

She sits up abruptly letting out a little gasp as her body protests the quick movements, "I don't want people to know, Elliot. I just want to hold onto the last shred of dignity that I have left, just let me have it please?"

"Liv—"

Olivia sighs standing from the bed and begins to pace the room, "We've got more than enough to convict him! I shouldn't have to give up…Alex doesn't need fucking pictures of my carved up breasts to parade around the court room like—"

"-Okay."

"—I'm a fucking—" her voice was too loud, his too soft, and it took her a moment to contemplate what she'd just heard over the pounding in her ears, "Okay?"

Elliot nods walking around the bed to where she was standing, "Yeah, you're right there's plenty to convict him on and it should be your decision. I won't breathe a word of what I saw to anyone."

She breathes out a 'thank you' and he reaches out for her hand pulling her into his arms.

Elliot slips his fingers into her hair careful of the raw skin there, "Liv…" she tenses and she holds her breath as she waits for him to finish his thought, "What he did to you…it doesn't change anything not for me anyways."

Her mind screams that he's lying to her, that there's no way that he could be sincere and honest about this. There's a little part deep within her heart that swells and warms her soul because she knows he wouldn't lie to her not about this, never about this. She can't help but breathe him in, silently relieved he hasn't rejected her, and she doesn't dare say it aloud but she prays that she'll have him beside her. He hasn't asked the question but he saw that one particular word that's been tormenting her and she knows he saw tally marks knows what he must be thinking but he hasn't asked her, not yet. She's forgotten what it's like to have someone who both pushes her to talk but knows when to shut the hell up, she's forgotten what it's like to have him beside her.

Olivia's stomach grumbles loudly interrupting their moment of silence and Elliot smiles kissing her head before he pulls away, "Come on I'll make you something to eat." Olivia shakes her head a little and he sighs, "Liv your stomach just growled like you haven't eaten in a month so I know you're at least a little bit hungry, let me make you something small, please?"

Olivia finally nods, "Can we get Stella's though? I haven't had it in ages and at the hospital I thought I smelled the breadsticks and I've had a taste for it ever since."

The food arrives an hour later and the smell from their favorite Italian restaurant wafts through the condo, and he finds that he's missed this level of normalcy the most. Olivia eats better than she was at the hospital, which isn't much but it takes her a bit longer before she's pushing the food around her plate. She's sitting in the far-left corner of the couch her legs folded behind her as pushes the food around her plate before finally sighing and setting it on the coffee table a re-run of Friends plays, even though she hasn't glanced at the television. "El?"

He looks up at her but doesn't say anything just waits and she opens and closes her mouth a few times thinking of what she wants to say until she finally settles on, "Can I go to bed?"

He looks at the clock the sun is barely setting, "Liv it isn't even 7 yet."

She deflates against the couch and nods softly her eyes are casted downwards on her hands mutters, "'kay sorry."

He runs his hand over his face, "I'm sorry of course you can you don't need permission, Liv."

Olivia shakes her head, "No it's alright I should stay up later. I don't want you to have to wake up with me at the crack of dawn. I don't think sometimes about others and I'm sorry…I'll try and remember tomorrow."

"Liv you aren't a child I don't have to watch you every minute of every day, you're an adult and a detective you can take care of yourself."

Olivia shrugs and pulls on her fingers with her left hand, a form of defiance against the cast that's still on her arm for at least a few more days, "I haven't been left alone since I was rescued, I mean you and Kathy said I could babysit Eli but I saw Nick and Fin out there watching me, so you must think I can be trusted." Elliot sighs and Olivia shifts backwards further into the soft plush cushions of the couch, "Sorry I shouldn't talk back to you in your own home my mom used to…" and if it's possible Olivia moves even further back into the couch and he realizes that she's frightened of him.

Elliot kneels in front of her and he grasps her hand, "Can you look at me for just a minute, please Liv?" Olivia's chocolate brown eyes lift to meet Elliot's blue eyes, "Liv it isn't a matter of trust, you should know by now I trust you more than anybody. They weren't watching you, they were watching out for you Cragen put details on your room, it wasn't a matter of trust it was a matter of being overprotective.

Olivia nods a little and her voice is still too soft to be considered normal, "So I can go to bed?" Elliot nods, and he hands her the pills and then her water, "Thank you, Elliot."

He waits in the family room for two hours just in case she needs him before he finally walks to his temporary room, he leaves the light on in the hall and he keeps his door open just in case. His dreams are filled with Olivia and her scars and his sleep is restless, the blankets tangling around him, and he fights his sheets and Lewis in his dreams.

There's a loud crash followed by the unmistakable sound of something breaking and then a cry at three in the morning and he drags the sheets almost completely off the bed as he jumps out of the bed. He grabs the gun from his safe in the drawer of his nightstand and he's careful to not make a sound as he comes out of his room.

The hallway has been plunged into darkness and Olivia's door is open, her bed is empty, "Liv?" Silence is his only answer and he's more frantic as he turns the corner, "Liv? Where are you Liv?"

There's a black figure kneeling on the floor crying and he drops the gun to his side, and he hates himself when a particular floorboard creaks and she whirls around crying out and he isn't sure if it's from pain or fear because she scrambles back into the corner between his couch and the wall. She moves so fast he hears her back and head thud against it hard and another cry as she brings her knees to her chest. He fingers the safety on the gun checking that it's still on and then he sets it on the coffee table before he lowers himself onto the floor sitting cross-legged by the coffee table.

"Liv it's alright it was just a picture frame it doesn't matter I can buy a new one," Elliot's voice is soft but it doesn't stop Olivia from cowering further into herself.

Olivia shakes her head softly, "I got up when I wasn't supposed to and I got scared and I broke it and now you're angry with me." Olivia's voice sounds like that of a six-year-old girl's voice instead of a voice that belongs to a seasoned Detective with the NYPD.

"Why would I be angry with you if I didn't like the picture frame anyways?"

Olivia's jaw clenches in thought trying to work out his angle before she finally responds, "I still got up when I wasn't supposed to and it's your house and I shouldn't have been walking around after you went to bed. I know that I'm scared of the dark and I was stupid I thought I could-" she cuts herself off abruptly and Elliot watches her waiting for her to continue she shrugs again. She settles her chin on her knees and whispers, "I was stupid."

"When did I say you couldn't get up in the middle of the night?"

Olivia looks up at him then and says simply, "That's why you gave me your room so I wouldn't have to leave until the morning but I forgot to bring my water in with me and I got thirsty. I know you waited out here to make sure I was asleep, to make sure I didn't leave my room."

Elliot holds his head in his hands as he stares at his lap, "Liv…" His voice is thick, a ball of emotion has settled at the top of his throat and his eyes are filled with tears blurring his vision of her. "Liv I don't know who hurt you this bad maybe it was your mom, the scumbag, or I don't know…some ex but Liv that isn't me. I would've back you up through anything Liv, and had for twelve years, and I'm backing you up now whatever you need and want is yours this is your home now too for however long you want it."

She rocks her back and forth against the wall and mumbles softly, "Can I see Eli again?"

"Yeah, yeah Liv I'll text Kath in the morning and have her bring him by or we can pick him up," Elliot agrees easily the promise rolling off his tongue like the most natural thing in the world for him.

Olivia rests her chin on her knees, "I know I can't see him if I don't clean it up but…I don't like the dark if I could just have a light, you can make sure I do it right and then maybe you won't get angry with me again…I promise I'll never do it again."

Elliot stands walking around the glass in his slippers with hard bottoms and he flips the switch illuminating the room and Olivia immediately scrambles forward to pick up the glass, "'Livia! Stop!"

Fear colors her face makes her white as a ghost as she looks up at him, mumbling to herself so quietly he can only see her lips move. Elliot lifts her cradling her in his arms and he carries her over to the couch, her soft protests having no effect on him. He reaches for her right hand opening it slowly and taking the large shard of glass from her bloodied hand, "Where else are you bleeding?"

"Feet and knees…" she looks over her shoulder at the glass, "I have to clean it up Elliot."

"I don't care about the damn glass, Olivia!" Her eyes are wide with fear and her face us pale, as she cowers into the couch and he realizes that she's expecting to be hit. He sighs aggravated with himself, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you I'm just worried about you, Liv."

Olivia nods a little and Elliot wonders if she actually believes the apology, or just nods because it's expected she does. Elliot looks at her socked feet first and there's little specks of blood seeping through her socks, "I need to look at your knees Liv, is that alright?" She barely lifts her head and he rolls up her pants, her knees are mangled like her hand, "I'm gonna carry you to your room, alright?" She barely nods but this time when he lifts her, her head falls to his chest and when she protests he knows she doesn't actually mean it.

"I don't wanna go back to the hospital," Olivia whispers against his chest as he flips the light on in her room and lays her down on her bed and he sits beside her as he cleans her wounds methodically.

"Me neither so it'll be our last resort okay?" Olivia nods and lets him get to work wrapping her hand, "Did you sleep at all?"

"Couldn't the sleeping pills didn't work I thought the smell of you on the sheets would work like at the hospital but the anxiety…" Elliot nodded in understanding.

"Why didn't you wake me, I left the light on in the hallway for you, or you could've come out to the family room I was up for awhile?" Olivia shrugs and Elliot can't help the sigh as he moves from her hand to her knees, "Thought I'd be angry?" She turns her head to stare an unseen spot on the opposite wall, "Want me to sleep in here with you tonight?"

"I still have to clean up my mess," She reminds him softly.

Elliot shakes his head, "I'll get it in the morning right now you need water and sleep," Elliot moves from her knees to her feet, "I'll go get you the water and then we'll sleep, 'kay?"

"Fill up the glass in here though…please?" He nods softly and she curls into the fetal position once he's gone, clutching the blankets to her chest with her right arm while her left lays flat against an extra pillow. Elliot sits behind her and helps her sit up she drinks half the glass and then she returns to her original position as Elliot wraps his arms around her from behind, "You want the lights on?"

"No, it's fine if you're here I'll be fine," Olivia's eyes are closed so she doesn't have to see the room go into pitch blackness.

"I'd like to leave them on for a bit if you don't mind?" Olivia nods is well aware that this is for her benefit and not his but he doesn't make a big show, let's her keep her pride. She squeezes his hand in thanks and squeezes back before he wraps his arms around her and this time when they both sleep, it's a peaceful dream-less sleep.

Ch. 10:

The family room has been cleaned and vacuumed and he's making breakfast when she finally steps into the kitchen at a quarter to ten in the morning, the only reminder of last night is the picture of the seven Stabler's sitting on the coffee table instead of in a frame.

She sits on the couch and waits silently staring at the photo when he brings her over-easy eggs with bacon and toast she smiles slightly but doesn't move to lift her fork, he sits at the other end of the couch and begins eating, "Liv," his voice is soft like he's trying to gauge where she is at the moment.

Olivia looks up at him a strained smile on her lips and he smiles back, "You alright?" She nods and eats exactly ten bites before she sets the plate down on the coffee table, "You want something else?" Head shake. "Was it alright?" Head nod. "Can you eat a little more?" Head shake. "You done?" Head nod.

There's a knock at the door and she jumps and Elliot stands and he takes her right hand in his left, "Come on that's your surprise."

Olivia's body shakes, when Serena had a surprise it usually involved being left for weeks on end, being beat, or something far worse. Her eyes darken at the thought that Elliot could do that to her, her heart rate is fast as she fights against him and her words tumble out of her mouth, "Nonono you promised me! You promised you wouldn't hurt me!"

Elliot's smile falls off his face and he bends down to catch her eyes again, "It's a good one I promise, Liv trust me."

Olivia skirts to Elliot's eyes and then away, his eyes are too blue and she's afraid she'll drown in them if she stares too long, "I'm scared…I'm terrified that you're gonna hurt me," she confesses, "You have power and control—"

"—I would never do that to you. How could I do that to the woman I love? It's a good surprise, I'm making good on a promise that I made to you."

Her eyes search his face, staring into his baby blues, "It's a good surprise?"

Elliot nods, "You're going to be so happy I promise," she nods and she latched onto his arm her body is slightly behind his.

He's promised that this is a good surprise but he's also promised to protect her, right now she is putting all her trust into him and that terrifies her. Her whole life has been a series of abuse and Lewis may have been the catalyst but he only responsible for a small part of this. The hurt goes further than skin, tissue, and bone it plunges into the deepest depths of her soul and all she's with in the end is more scars and higher walls.

Elliot opens the door and a small brown headed blur runs wrapping his arms around her legs and he only lossens his grip when his parent's remind him to be careful. Olivia doesn't seem to care and is already attempting to lift up the boy in her good arm and kissing any part of him she can find.

"It took you FOREVERRRRRRR to open the door daddy!" Eli's arms out wide as he talks from where he's settled on Olivia's hip, "Mommy only let me knock ONE time! I had to sit down you were takin' SO long, what were you guys doin'?!"

"I was…it was my fau-"

"I was washing the pans from breakfast and I asked Aunt Livvy to wait so I could surprise her, I'm sorry I made you guys wait," Elliot explains cutting her off.

Eli sighs and rubs a little hand over his face, "Daddy always takes forever cleaning up it drives me nuts! I wanna show you my room," Eli starts fidgeting to be put down and she has no choice but to place the little boy back onto the floor. When she straightens Elliot doesn't miss the way the light happiness flickers out of her eyes like a bright bulb burning out, but then his little hand wraps around the fingers of her right arm, "Come on Aunt Livvie let's go play!"

Olivia looks behind her as she is pulled down the hall and Elliot smiles and nod at her, "Have fun Aunt Livvie," her face brightens and then she turns away looking down at the youngest Elliot Stabler.

Him and Kathy stand there just inside the doorway for a couple more minutes until they hear the door to his room open and close, "Thanks for bringing him, Kath. I know we agreed especially this early on with her being here, but she had a bad night and she asked and I couldn't break her heart again."

"I get it just let me know when it gets to be too much tonight, I packed his school bag just in case but-" Elliot nods knowing where she's going with it so she doesn't have to, "I got Olivia somethings…underwear and toiletry items," it's awkward but Elliot looks at her with appreciation, squeezes her upper arm and says thank you.

Eli comes flying around the corner laughing as Olivia walks behind him with a big grin, she stalls when she sees them still talking and approaches more cautiously. Elliot swears he can see the walls go back up, imagines that they're similar to the impenetrable steels walls he's installed at some of his client's homes.

Kathy bends to whisper into Eli's ear and then he's spinning around hiding, or trying to hide, a paper gift bag behind his tiny body, "Aunt Livie I have a surprise for you!"

Olivia glares at him and he's about to try and explain that this is one surprise he's had nothing to do with, that he didn't tell her secret to Kathy while she's been gone playing with his son.

Kathy beats him to the punch, "It's from Eli and I. We told a fib the other day when we saw you at the hospital about the party, he really wanted to go and get you a present it isn't much but he saw it he was convinced it was you and him."

Olivia glances at him again and when he nods she bends to take the bag from his son. Her body is tense as though she's preparing for the possibility to have to defend herself, if this kind gesture actually has an ulterior motive. She asks if Eli can help her open it and he's only too happy to oblige as he pulls out the tissue paper, and it flies around them and then he pulls out the gift and hands it to her.

Two cream teddy bears one big and the other a cub and the big one holds the cub on the hip, "It's you and me! See you're the big one and I'm the baby cub, I'm not a baby anymore and I'm not a real bear but it's you and me cause you're my God Mom, see?!" Olivia nods and she wraps her arm around him hard trying not to let the freshest wave of tears break her barely constructed dam.

"Thank you, baby," Olivia whispers against his shoulder, "Thank you, thank you so much." Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut but Elliot looks at Kathy and they smile watching the two embracing each other.

Eli pulls away first looking petting the new stuffed animal and Olivia's face falls ever so minutely at the absence of his touch, "Now you gotta pick a name!"

"Will you help me?" Eli nods excitedly and runs over to the couch and calling for her to join him, she looks back at the two adults and whispers quietly, "Thank you again for letting me…just thank you."

Kathy steps forward and gently wraps her in a hug, holding on when Olivia tenses and then relaxes muscle by muscle, "El texted me your size and I picked up some things and some other toiletry items for you he has them, alright?" Kathy whispers into her ear and she nods, "If you need anything-" Olivia's soft 'thanks' cuts her off and Kathy let's her go.

Olivia walks away towards Eli but her steps are slow and purposeful staying within earshot of their low conversations, trying to listen to what they say in hushed whispers about her. Olivia waits until the door is closed and locked behind the blonde woman, "Did you tell her about me? About what you saw? Cause if you did-"

"I would never, you think that little of me?"

"No, but I don't know…my mind keeps playing these tricks on me like you said earlier that you…you loved me?"

He nods, doesn't deny it and it's a confirmation that he hasn't lied to her, that he didn't say it to use or embarrass her and then he says softly, "I meant that too, Liv. Whatever happens or doesn't happen with Cassidy, I love you no matter what. She's marrying someone else and besides I love you, Liv."

Olivia shrugs a little, "She still loves you, she told me still cared about you right before you signed the papers the first time."

"And I still care about her," her eyes jerk up to look at him and he squeezes her right hand a little, "But that doesn't mean I'm still in love with her. Why would you think that we'd get back together now after being divorced for almost two years?"

"Cause I'm back…you can use me as your dirty little secret for all the ugly stuff and be the perfect man for her and your family in the perfect home with the white picket fence where ya sit down to a homecooked family dinner every night." Olivia's right arm grips her cast over her stomach, like she's trying to protect her heart from a perfect shot, "I mean it isn't hard to believe I've been…I've been…"

"You've been what, Olivia? You've been used and abused before so you think that it would be alright if I did it too?"

Olivia shrugs looking down at her crossed arms, as SpongeBob plays on the television screen, "Don't have anyone else…you're the only one I can really talk to everyone else is just...everyone else couldn't handle all of me, so yeah why wouldn't you want a little quid pro quo you deal with all my emotional baggage and you get to take adv—"

"I could never do that to you you're my best friend, hell I just told you I loved you how could I ever do that to you?"

Olivia shrugs her eyes staring at an unknown spot on the floor, "Most people find it easy."

"Well I hope I'm not like most people then because I couldn't hurt you like that." Elliot kisses her head and he gently cups her chin with his right hand and he lifts her chin so he can look into her eyes, "We're friends because we agreed we would be, for our kids. Kathleen is better but it's not like the diagnosis has gone away and..." Elliot's voice drops to a low whisper, "And Eli…there's a possibility that Eli has dyslexia, Liv. He's being tested we still don't know for sure but some of the signs haven't…they haven't gone away yet, and they should've he's almost six now."

"I didn't know I'm sorr—"

"We haven't…really told anyone yet the other kids know and that's about it, when they came to visit you in the hospital and Kathy and I went for the coffee?" She nods a little remembering, "We were talking about it. He hasn't had to really deal with it still young, so hopefully it won't hinder his learning but still it isn't easy to hear that your kid has a learning disability."

She shakes her head and kicks her foot lightly against the ground, "You're his father, Eli needs his father more than I should need you."

"And he has two parents and Kathy's fiancé, who adores him as if he was his own kid, and it's not like I wouldn't have talked to him or seen him but you were still going to come first and she understood that."

Olivia shakes her head, "No no no I won't...I won't do this to you too I won't be so needy that you can't… I can go somewhere else maybe…I could…I could stay with…Brian or…maybe Alex would…I could stay on her couch?" Olivia ducks her head again as a tear falls from her eyes and she begins to move with the intent of going to her room…his room to pack the one outfit she has, "Can I take…if you'd just let me borrow an extra pair of sweats—"

Elliot's arm lands on her elbow soft enough to stop her but he's careful not to pull her, "Liv you wanna be here and I want you here—"

"My arm and the stitches can heal anywhere, Elliot. Then…then I'll be fine and I can go back to my little one-bedroom apartment and I'll be fine. I won't disrupt your life more than I already have—"

He squeezes her hand, "You are not disrupting my life. I want you here, my son wants you here, and the most important person in this situation," she ducks her head staring at their hands, "You, Liv want to be here. I know you and I know if you didn't wanna be here you'd've been long gone by now."

"El, he's your kid he needs…I'm an adult I know that life isn't always fair that I don't always get what I want or need and I'm okay with that but—"

The SpongeBob episode Eli was watching must've ended because they hear him jump off the couch and a moment later he's running into kitchen smiling, "Aunt Livie can you come watch a movie with me?!"

Olivia glances at him and he nods and Olivia kneels in front of him smiling, "You pick and I'll watch whatever you want." She watches as he runs off back into the family room and then she stands again, "El—"

"—I wanna watch Up!" Eli calls excitedly from the family room.

Elliot smiles at her and squeezes her hand, "Come on let's go watch the movie."

"Ellio—"

He squeezes her hand again, "We'll talk later, Liv. This movie is going to make you cry but you'll love it."

It turns out that Elliot is right she's resting her head on his shoulder and tears roll down her cheeks landing on his shirt, and Eli rests his head against her stomach. She wipes her eyes as they watch the credits roll through and she feels Elliot's lips gently press against her head.

"Did you like it?"

She glances up at him and grins, "That was good. Never really watched a Disney movie before but that was good."

Eli gasps as he looks up at her, "You never watched Disney movies before? Even daddy says he saw some when he was growin' up and he's old! Are you older than daddy?"

They both dissolve into laughter and Eli joins in, and it's a good minute or two before Elliot can reply to his son while he wipes the tears away, "Aunt Livie is actually younger than me."

"Then why haven't you seen any Disney movies?"

"I uh…my mom didn't like me watching too much TV when I was growing up."

Elliot rubs his hand up and down her casted arm and explains to his son, "Some parents are stricter with the TV than mommy and I are it just depends."

"Oh…well daddy and I love watching movies so you'll see lots with us!"

Olivia grins back at him and he shrugs a little, "What can I say? I like movies."

Eli rolls off the couch laughing as he almost falls missing the way Olivia's face pales as she watches him roll, the way she gasps right before he catches himself. "Can I take pictures now with Aunt Livie's cast?"