Hello y'all!
A few days ago, dragonifyoudare has created a Royai Monopoly on tumblr. The first prompt I had to write about was: Role switch.
I chose to write about Alchemist!Riza and Soldier!Roy in Ishval.
Some of the themes here will be difficult, so please be careful, because of a suicide attempt. That's why the rating is M
I hope you'll enjoy anyway, and know that there'll be lighter subjects later!
The Phoenix Alchemist
When she'd learned Flame Alchemy from her father, Riza hadn't expected it to turn like this. When her father had died, she'd wanted to do something useful for her country, and entering the military had seemed a good idea at that time.
It wasn't.
State alchemist certification had been easy to get, and the military academy hadn't been hard on her. She'd even met some friends there. Rebecca Catalina was the best of them. But she hadn't even had the time to finish before she'd been sent to the front line in Ishval with other State Alchemists as the Phoenix Alchemist - a wordplay between her name and fire found by none other than the Fuhrer.
She was the youngest of them all, and they all seemed to look at her with pity. Riza was used to the feeling and didn't really care about them. She had other matters in mind.
How to keep her sanity in this Hell on earth was her main concern. And she'd succeeded on this task until now. For months now she'd managed to keep her feelings deep down in her, she'd tried to forget she was killing people by burning them alive. But keeping things hidden, buried, couldn't last long.
She'd been assigned to a new unit led by Lieutenant Mustang - a dark haired young man who seemed as tired as her - for this mission. She'd never met him, but some soldiers had told her he cared a lot about his men's lives.
They stood in front of General Reynolds as he gave them their orders. The more he spoke, the more Riza felt sick. All the feelings she had bottled away were coming back, even stronger now they were numerous. Nausea settled in her stomach, and she struggled to keep a neutral face when her guts were a battlefield.
An entire village of women and children.
That was their target.
Riza didn't make ten meters before she collapsed on the ground and threw up. She was sick of herself. Sick of this war. Sick of the command center that ordered her to kill without regret. Sick of the trust she'd placed on this country she wanted to protect. Sick of everything.
A hand fell on her shoulder, light but somehow reasuring. She raised her head and met concerned black eyes. Lieutenant Mustang removed his hand with an apology. "I felt you needed that." And she did. But she stayed silent, and instead rose on her feet and walked away. This guy didn't know her, didn't need to either.
She would deal with her guilt alone. She was used to it. She didn't need other's pity because it only made her feel even worse.
"Let's go," she said after she wiped her mouth with her sleeve. It was already dirty anyway.
The operation was a disaster. A slaughter. A nightmare.
They fell into a trap. The women and children were armed, and definitely not alone. Fifty men had joined the fight, and even with Riza's alchemy her unit struggled to kill them all.
During the fight she could understand why his men trusted Mustang. He took the right decisions, he shoved some soldiers away from the enemy's fire, knew when they could attack, with how many men, when to take shelter, when to retreat, when to circle the enemy.
But that didn't prevent half of the soldiers to be killed where they stood.
And when the last Ishval man fell, when the last child burned, she felt empty. Why was she here? Why was she killing the citizens of her own country? Why was she using a power she wanted to dedicate to the weak to kill said weak? Why was she still alive?
She walked back to the camp with the men left in the unit, her mind lost in a thick fog. She didn't even acknoledge their greetings as she walked away from them. She just wanted to lay down. To lay for a long time. Forever.
She hadn't even been able to keep her men alive, and she'd killed innocent people. Again.
That was something she had never gotten used to. And it had happened too many times.
Riza sat on her cot, her alchemist's watch between her hands. She knew the lines drawn on the lid, the amestrian lion, the star. She knew how it would warm between her fingers, she knew the number of links on the chain. She knew how heavy this piece of metal felt in her mind and on her shoulders.
That was too much to bear. She had no one in her life anyway. It wasn't like someone would miss her. Maybe the Ishvals would even be happy she was gone.
She set her watch away and pulled her gun out of her holster. She didn't use it a lot, but she knew she hadn't lost the aim she'd at the academy. This would be a quick affair, and no one, nothing would bother her anymore.
Standing in the middle of her tent, she placed her weapon on her temple.
Footsteps sounded on the outside, getting closed to the entrance of her tent.
Panic flooded her. She needed to get this done. Now.
The safety clicked.
The tent opened.
Riza's eyes met Mustangs'.
She pulled the trigger.
Too late.
The gunshot rang at her ear before her weapon was taken from her hand and thrown away.
Mustang took her lapel and shook her, a furious light in his eyes. "What do you think you're you doing?" He shouted.
Riza didn't react at first. It was obvious, why should she bother answering him? Why would he care about her anyway? Why didn't he leave her alone? Why was he here?
"Let me go," she whispered. "Nothing will be better than that."
"There are things better than that, Major!"
Riza shook her head. She was his superior officer, and even when he mentionned her rank she didn't react. He was almost attacking her, but she didn't care.
"You're better than that, I'm sure!"
She let a sour laugh escape her throat. "What could I do? I'm powerless in this war I can't stop. I can't even protect the men under my command. I'm worthless, Lieutenant."
He shook his head and let go of her uniform. "You're not powerless. You're not worthless. I looked at you today, I watched you before, and I saw a soldier who's capable, I saw a woman who cared deeply for the people under her command, I saw a powerful alchemist who knew how to use her ability to protect others. I've protected you today too, but I know I could have stayed there if you hadn't been with us."
Riza flinched at Mustang's words. How could he see such things in her? "I'm not…" she protested in a weak voice. "I don't know how I could use that power outside of this war… How can I prevent other wars like this one?"
She still hadn't looked at him.
"You can climb the ranks." Mustang's voice startled her. He was speaking softly but firmly, like he was trusting her. "You can climb to the top and try to change things from there. It'll be long, but with the good people you'll manage."
"Climb to the top?" Riza almost chuckled at his idea. It was a silly, unreachable goal. But when she finally met his gaze, she realized he was serious. "And why I, the Phoenix Alchemist, should listen to you, an anonymous Lieutenant?"
"Because I feel the same guilt as you, everyday, and I long for peace in this country. I entered the military to protect the people I love, and now I kill innocents against my will. I'm as guilty as you are, and I feel like you are the only one I can trust to go that far to change Amestris. I'm as guilty as you are, and we can work together to make things right. Your death would be a waste. Let me help you doing something else with your life."
He was dead serious.
A sudden weariness overwhelmed Riza and she slumped on her cot, her hands limp at her sides.
"Why… why do you want to help me?" She muttered, her throat tight. Why her, when others had claimed their opposition to this war, like Armstrong?
"Because I know I can really trust you," Mustange replied. "Because you're the only one I want to imagine at the top of Amestris. Because…" his voice was a whisper "I want to get to know you better because you're a beautiful woman, even in this shapeless uniform, even after you threw up, and despite all the things you've done I know deep down you're a good person."
Riza's breath caught in her lungs. Beautiful? her? A good person? The only one she'd heard say that about her was Rebecca, and she didn't know how to face her friend after what she'd done here. A single tear rolled on her cheek and she didn't try to stop it. It was swept away by Mustang's thumb, and she raised her eyes to him. He had knelt in front of her, a soft frown wrinking his forehead. What was he trying to do?
When she felt his lips on hers, she knew he was definitely trying to hit on her. He was soft and gentle, and he pulled away after a few seconds. His hand left her skin, and she suddenly felt cold.
"I know I'm going beyond the rules, but if you need me for… comfort, I'll be there. Either way, I'll follow you when this war will end if you'll have me. That's a promise."
His eyes bore a sincere look, and Riza found herself wanting to know more of this man who'd appeared almost from nowhere in her life, given her back her will, and set a goal for her. She only had to trace her path, with him.
"Don't die, then," she murmured with a faint smile.
"I count on you to do the same, Major," he replied, squeezing her hand in his before he rose back on his feet.
He was about to leave when Riza found the words. "Lieutenant Mustang." He turned to her. "Thank you. And concerning your offer… I'll think about it. But I want to know you more before anything happens between us." He was pleasantly looking, he seemed nice and gentle, but that was only the image he wanted to show.
"Alright, then. I'm looking forward to working under your command, Major Hawkeye."
With one last smile, he left the tent and Riza reflecting on the latest events.
The next months would be hard, but she knew she had someone she could count on, and maybe trust.
