"Hoth sucks!"
Even with the cloth tied around his nose and mouth, Rey could hear the disgust in Finn's voice. He drove the forked tool hard into the manure, leaving it standing upright so that he could lean his elbow against the handle while he removed his gloves.
"I think we're running out of places to hide," Rey shrugged.
"Right… well… there's only the whole rest of the galaxy after all," Finn agreed with caustic optimism.
"It's… it's not so bad," she argued, but even as she said the words she could not suppress an evil grin. She knew that she was inviting Finn to begin a tirade over the many obstacles the hostile ice planet presented them, and secretly, she agreed with him. Hoth did suck.
"Not so bad? NOT SO BAD?" Finn yanked the cloth shielding his mouth and nose down, "Did you hear what happened last night? A wampa got into the north tunnel and almost ate Jessica, and I guess, according to the general, that sort of thing is pretty standard for rebel bases on Hoth. She was unconcerned, said that that sort of thing used to happen all the time— ALL THE TIME, Rey. That means that nightmare ice monsters who want to eat your flesh could stroll through here at any moment, but, you know, no big deal or anything."
Rey giggled and flung another shovelful of tauntaun droppings into the bin.
"Oh, that's funny?" Finn demanded, but he was grinning while he said it. "Ice monsters! And here I thought I only had to worry about freezing to death!"
"And shoveling tauntaun dung," Rey reminded him.
"Right. Tauntauns… the most foul-smelling species in the universe. Of course maybe that's why we're the ones that got assigned to manure duty— obviously the Resistance needed its bravest heroes for this horrifying mission!"
Rey giggled again, deciding not to remind him that he was the one assigned to clean the pen that night. She was only helping out to keep him company. Well, that and the fact that she never seemed to be assigned any duties at all. Master Luke was off-planet attempting to gather allies most of the time, and had ordered her to focus on meditation and rest. General Organa was avoiding her—this too she knew was at Master Luke's request, and the few remaining Resistance fighters at the base fell silent whenever she approached and watched her with starry-eyed fixation—most of them having been raised on Jedi myths and legends from childhood. She understood, but it still made her uncomfortable.
In fact, just thinking about it was enough to put her in a more somber frame of mind. They all expected something from her. They thought she would become another Master Luke and do something useful like blow up a death star or save the galaxy. So far, all she had managed to do was help Kylo Ren take charge of the First Order. Well… that and not die. She was pretty sure that neither of those should earn her the title of 'hero'.
Finn must have sensed her change in mood, for his expression had become serious as he watched her shovel.
"Luke still doesn't think you're ready to come with him yet, does he?" he guessed, pulling his gloves back on and bending to work.
"He thinks I still need time to recover," Rey agreed quickly.
"What do you think?" Finn prodded.
Rey sighed and threw her shovel down. Her annoyance with Master Luke was finally getting the better of her.
"I think what he's really afraid of, is me. He thinks I'm a liability," she confessed. "Like the minute I go off-planet, I'll go dark side and run back to Kylo Ren. I feel like he doesn't trust me anymore."
"Have you told him that?" Finn asked gently.
"Sure, but he always turns it around and suggests that those are my fears, not his, and then tells me I need to rest and meditate more. I've had enough rest and meditation for 10 jedi!"
"And what does General Organa think?"
"How would I know? I think Master Luke has her convinced that even saying 'hello' would send me spiraling into a dark side rampage that would end the Resistance. She hasn't said more than three words to me since I woke up," Rey complained.
"That's ridiculous!"
"I know!"
"You'd never go dark side!"
"I know!"
"You'd never go back to Kylo Ren!"
"Probably not."
Finn stopped working long enough to glance over his shoulder at her. Rey grabbed her shovel and did her best to look as though she was thoroughly concentrating on removing tauntaun dung.
"I mean, it's not like you were with him because you wanted to be," Finn reminded her.
"Right!"
"You were a hostage."
"Right!"
"It's not like you guys were friends or anything."
"Right."
"He's a murdering psychopath."
"Sure."
"You don't have anything in common with him."
"Right."
"It's not like you guys have some kind of weird bond or something."
"Right… I mean… not like a bond or anything. There was… kind of… you know… some 'Force-stuff' but that—"
"Force-stuff?" Finn repeated, his voice a little higher than normal.
"Well, yeah, but not like- I don't know, sometimes, I could see his dreams—"
"Huh," Finn said. She could not see his expression due to his mask, but the deep furrows across his brow suggested concern.
"Just sometimes!" she clarified. "Once in a while, he could use the Force to show me things in dreams. It wasn't like, all the time or anything."
"Right. So you were… you were like, 'Force-buddies' then?"
"What? No! He's not my 'Force-buddy'! What are you talking about?" Rey scoffed.
"I don't know. I guess I'm talking about you and Kylo Ren being Force-buddies. It's no big deal. I mean, it's not like you guys had a full-on master and apprentice relationship or anything. It was just more of a casual, every once in a while type of thing. I get it. These things happen," Finn soothed.
"Stop talking," Rey snorted.
"Luke should cut you some slack. I'm sure he's had some Force-buddies he's not proud of over the years," Finn remarked lightly.
"Shut-up," Rey smirked.
With the tauntaun pens clean, Rey had little else to occupy her mind. She considered turning in early, but the thought of lying on her bunk in the freezing cold dormitory, staring at the ceiling for hours as sleep evaded her was not an appealing one.
She was never assigned to patrol, but with Finn having mentioned that random wampa attacks were apparently a major concern, she decided that it was a good enough excuse for her to do a few rounds through the tunnels. Plus, patrolling brought with it the added bonus of solitude. When the Resistance fighters weren't patrolling, they spent most of their time huddled in small groups near the warming vents in the common area, and at the moment, she really didn't feel like being stared at.
The Resistance base on Hoth was not well-constructed. Many years ago, the rebels had widened the natural ice caverns and tunnels to create echo base—a well-defended and impressively stocked encampment which was, none-the-less, destroyed by the empire after a major battle. Scavengers had come to Hoth shortly thereafter, mainly to scrap the imperial AT-AT's, but in order to survive, had also constructed a temporary underground shelter to the north of the old rebel base. The Resistance was currently utilizing the old scavenger shelter as their latest hideout. The generators occasionally froze—due to the extremely low temperatures at night, leaving the base without heat or light. The tauntaun dung came in handy at those times. Once it dried, it could be burned, and the resulting fire were usually long-lasting and quite warm.
They had spent several days widening the main cavern in order to accommodate their very small fleet. They were down to one transporter, the Falcon, and a few x-wings—the rest having been destroyed by the First Order after the base on Crait had been discovered.
The main ice cavern served as both a hangar and a common area for the fighters who were off-duty. It was by far the warmest area on base. The south tunnel connected the large cavern with a series of three small, natural ice caves, and one which they had carved out themselves. The largest of these housed the command center, where the General spent most of her time. The remaining southern caves housed the dormitories and the tauntaun pens.
The north tunnel led to a storeroom and the defense trench—though adding the word 'defense' before trench was really just wishful thinking. In the event that they were discovered, the plan was to flee. They did not have the people or the weapons to defend themselves.
Rey slid into her heavier outer parka and grabbed a pair of googles and a mask before heading for the north tunnel. She passed Poe coming back on a tauntaun mount, and nodded in his direction. His response was to turn the mount around to trot beside her.
"Heading outside?" he asked.
"Thought I'd get some fresh air," she smirked, holding up her mask.
"Well, it's a lovely day for it. Conditions are sunny and tropical with a warm southwest breeze," he informed her. She knew what this meant—it was colder than usual with a wind chill that would instantly freeze any exposed skin. "You might want to confine your nervous pacing to the tunnels 00for the time being."
So he had noticed that she spent a great deal of time walking the length of the south tunnel between the dormitories and the hangar, back and forth, over and over—great. If Poe had noticed, then Master Luke certainly had. Maybe that was why he kept insisting on rest and meditation. She was making everyone nervous with her restlessness.
"You want some company?" Poe asked.
"No," she sighed.
She felt his energy change. He was disappointed.
"I think I might go hideout alone in the storeroom—do a little meditating," she explained. "Master Luke thinks I need to meditate more."
"Ah, sure. Jedi stuff," he agreed quickly. "Yeah, no problem."
"I'll see you at dinner," she offered.
"Right. I hear it's Correllian filet night—I wonder what wines they'll be pairing with it this evening."
"So… c-rations again?" she grinned.
"If they haven't run out. I have a bet going with Brick that one of these nights they'll surprise us with roast tauntaun."
"Chewie would eat it," Rey chuckled.
"Chewie WOULD eat it," Poe agreed. "See you around, Rey."
"Yeah," she said, though he had already turned round and headed for the main cavern.
The relationship between her and Poe was currently a strange one. They had always been friendly, perhaps even a bit flirtatious—at least on his part, but lately… lately their interactions had become a little… intense. Like the others, he tended to watch her with a sort of fascinated devotion, but unlike the others, he was not afraid to approach her. This had led to a lot of awkward silences and uncomfortable small talk, and once, a strange sort of moment during a pause in the conversation where he had leaned forward just as she had, and they had almost kissed.
They hadn't, of course, but she had a feeling that the more time they spent together, the more moments like that would occur—and she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that yet.
But it certainly wasn't because of Kylo Ren!
Rey reached the storeroom and barricaded herself inside, leaving her heavier parka on, because the storeroom cave was closer to the outer entry and was therefore much colder than the main cavern. With Master Luke off-planet, it was safe to think about Kylo Ren, yet even without her master there to note the change in her aura, she still felt guilty about it.
Master Luke had told her time and again that in continuously thinking about Kylo Ren—trying to understand why he had made the choices he had, or what exactly had happened the day they killed Snoke, or what he was planning now—would create an unhealthy obsession which would draw the darkness to her. But telling her that it was wrong to even think about him, was like telling someone not to imagine Admiral Ackbar wearing a metal bikini—completely impossible.
On the day which they had killed Snoke, she had felt so completely assured that Kylo Ren had a secret light inside him. He had worked so hard, continuously putting his life on the line for so many years to bring an end to the creature which Emperor Palpatine had become. Yes, he had killed his father and many others in his quest, but he wasn't irredeemable. He had saved her life after all—or maybe he hadn't.
There was only one thing she remembered very clearly from the time that Snoke died to the time that she had woken up on board the Falcon—and to this memory she had returned over and over again. It was the memory of lying on the red ground of Korriban, weak and dying. Kylo Ren was bent over her, his eyes wide and terrified, his lips parting slightly and she had been so sure, that at that moment, he would say the words she had been waiting for.
But he hadn't. He had whispered good-bye.
Since that day, she had had very little news of him. Master Luke only spoke of him grudgingly, and then only when he was berating Rey for asking questions about him. General Organa never spoke to her at all, and her friends avoided discussing him because they were afraid of reminding her of the time she had spent as his prisoner.
She knew that he had taken over leading the First Order, and so all she knew of him was based solely on what the First Order was said to be doing. The First Order was currently hunting down the Resistance without mercy, paring down their numbers after every encounter. The First Order had also taken control of most of the major trade routes and had implemented their own system of taxation on goods. They had also expanded their operations, building bases and fortifications on most of the core planets. It would stand to reason that all this had been done on Kylo Ren's orders, and one might even conclude that these orders were in line with increasing control over an ever-expanding portion of the galaxy.
Yet she had been wrong about Kylo Ren's true motivations once before- or maybe she hadn't. Maybe, it was as Master Luke insisted, and he had simply manipulated her into believing that his only goal was to destroy the greatest evil in the universe so that he could use her power to destroy Snoke and take his place.
Maybe. Or maybe not. One thing was true, even though she had often denied it to Master Luke- she longed to speak with him. She longed to stand before him and demand answers as to what he thought he was doing. She might have also longed to see him smile his lopsided smirk, or feel the comforting, steady throb of his life Force that came whenever he was near—but these thoughts (and other far less appropriate ones) she was learning to shut down.
That he no longer spoke to her in dreams bothered her a great deal, and when she did meditate (which was far less often than she would admit to Master Luke) it was often with the hope that she would obtain some sense of him and what he was doing.
Rey had just settled herself cross-legged on the floor of the storeroom when she recognized a familiar feeling— Master Luke was near, and approaching rapidly. A few seconds later the ground began to shake, and by the time she was on her feet and had reached the door, a distant, high-pitched whine was echoing down the north corridor.
The Falcon! Master Luke and the Chewie had returned. She ran the distance between the storeroom and the main cavern reaching it just in time to see the lower bay doors open, raining down snow and ice, as the Falcon slowly descended.
Finn reached her side before the ship touched down.
"Heard they just got back from Nal Hutta," he confided, his voice low. "I know the Resistance is short on friends but—"
Pain burned through Rey's body like a shot of Correllian whiskey. Her vision blurred and then exploded with light and through tears she could see the blindingly bright sand dunes of Jakku. People were screaming—their cries rang in her ears as they died, and then, his black hooded robe striking a startling contrast to the midday sky, Kylo Ren was there, and even standing with his back to her, she knew it was him. That he was the cause of these cries.
"REY!" Finn yelled.
Rey blinked and found herself staring directly into Finn's wide, brown eyes. She was on her knees in the ice cavern. The Falcon had only just landed. Jakku was gone.
"What is it?" he demanded. "What's wrong?"
"It's Jakku. Something's happened on Jakku." She glanced frantically around. Master Luke was near, he would know what to do, but of all the faces that surrounded her, none belonged to him.
Finn followed the movement of her eyes and knew at once what she was looking for.
"Stay here. I just saw him head for the command center. I'll get him," he ordered.
Rey nodded, though as soon as Finn took off, she got to her feet and followed. She reached the command center not long after him and heard him interrupt Master Luke's report to General Organa.
"—I don't know what happened, but it was something, definitely something!" Finn explained. "She said it was Jakku. Something's wrong on Jakku!"
General Organa was the first to notice her. She cleared her throat and gave Master Luke a pointed look.
"What did you feel?" Master Luke asked, approaching her quickly.
"I'm not sure. Death, I think. A lot of death, and it was Jakku, I know that much. There were people screaming. They were afraid and in pain."
"What else?" he demanded.
"Kylo Ren," she admitted, refusing to make eye contact with either the General or her master as she spoke. "He was there. He was… hurting people there."
Without glancing up, Rey could sense that General Organa and her brother were communicating with one another in the silence that followed her words.
"I'll go," Master Luke said at last.
"I'm going too," Rey added, daring to glance up. The general had turned away to face the monitors, but her shoulders slumped as if she had suffered a defeat.
"It could be a trap," Master Luke growled. "I didn't sense anything—"
"It's my home!" Rey argued, her voice sounding shrill, even to her own ears. "Please, it's my home. Everything we do is dangerous."
"You need to—"
"Rest and meditate? No. I don't. I'm ready. I want to go," she insisted.
Master Luke sighed, and shook his head.
"Why?" she demanded. "Why not? I've healed, I've meditated, I'm back to what I was before—"
"You're different then you were," he disagreed.
"HOW?! How am I different?"
"Mouthier," he decided.
"Master Luke, you have always accused me of being mouthy!"
"I said mouthi-ER," he insisted.
Rey threw her hands up in frustration and opened her mouth to protest, but Finn was quicker. Ever the brave hero, he stepped in between master and apprentice.
"I've just had a thought," he announced. "Chewie's been flying alone since Nal Hutta, and before that, all the way from Onderon. He's got to be tired. If you're flying out tonight… well, Rey IS an experienced pilot, and she's had a lot of fly time on the Falcon and—"
Luke glared angrily at his sister. Even though her back was to him she shrugged.
"It's a small base," she explained. "Things get around."
She turned so that Rey could see her face in profile and spoke to Luke.
"You always say people are what they choose to be. If you think you can prevent that by taking away their choices, you're wrong. You should know that by now."
"I won't argue with all of you. I don't have the energy for it anymore," Master Luke growled. "You can come, but you will stay by my side and if I send you back to the ship, you will go to the ship."
"Agreed!" Rey said quickly.
"I could also be of great assistance," Finn added.
"I'm leaving… now," Master Luke grumbled, stalking from the command center.
"That wasn't exactly a 'no', was it?" Finn asked her.
Rey grinned and made to follow her master.
"Rey!" General Organa called after her.
Rey stopped and turned to face her, at the entrance to the outer hall. The General's eyes were sad and her face grim. She stared silently at Rey for a moment, and Rey could feel all the things she wanted to say—and all the things she had been wanting to ask since Rey had returned, but when she spoke it was not to say or ask those things.
"Be careful. We need you."
"I will," Rey promised.
In the tunnel, Finn grinned proudly and made a slight bow.
"Thanks," Rey chuckled. "I mean it, really. Thank-you."
"I didn't do it for you," he lied. "I just wanted to get off-planet long enough for my toes to thaw."
