A/N: Sooooooo, umm here's a small plot bunny I had that felt like it needed to be written down. I've been watching some Asterix & Obelix movies recently and got this idea of a sort-of crossover that would use some elements from the series in the Narutoverse.

Knowledge of the french series is unnecessary for this fic, there are simply some elements that I incorporated into the Narutoverse.

I also took liberties with altering a LOT of events, including the birth dates and ages of several characters and their relationships. This story will also attempt a more realistic take on Shinobi geo-politics since Kishimoto decided to forgo realism for drama in his story.

Note that Uzumakis will be acting similar to the Gauls in the show: A bunch of rowdy goofballs with a flair for fighting even though they don't actively look for a fight.

Without further ado, enjoy!


Uzushiogakure, or the Land of Eddies, was a small island to the South-East of the Land of Fire. There was nothing too notable about it, apart from the fact it was extremely difficult to reach due to the wild currents and whirlpools popping up all around it, and the fact it only housed a single village.

A sizable one, more akin to a large town and yet with notably rural architecture. It housed about a thousand people, all blood-related in some way or another, belonging to the large Uzumaki clan. It was a clan related to the even more famous Senju of the Forest, one of the founding clans of Konoha no Sato, or the Village Hidden in the Leaves, and one of the strongest out there.

Although renowned for its longevity and prowess in the Sealing Arts, the clan itself did not get involved in the world's politics, preferring to remain neutral on the battlefield.

At least, until the Second Uzukage, or "Chief" as he liked to be referred to, in an effort to gain some form of deterrent in the face of a potential second world war, created one of the greatest scientific innovations known to man.

The Elixir of Power!

Or as the good people of Uzushiogakure called it crudely, Magic Potion.


Uzushiogakure, July 10th, the first year of the Second Shinobi World War.

As the morning sun rose from a nearby hill, enveloping the quaint little village in its golden glow, the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the inhabitants accompanied the chirps of the early birds.

The village market was especially popular in the early mornings, a time for men and women to collect their groceries for the day.

An imposing and muscular red-haired man clad in a leather robe, similar to that of a blacksmith, inspected the fish displayed before him with a critical eye. He raised a large salmon to his face and took a deep sniff.

The vendor, a shorter and stout man with the same hair color, looked at his customer with a glare.

"What is it?" the vendor asked.

"It ain't fresh" the blacksmith replied, which triggered the fisherman.

"What the hell did you say?" he yelled, face reddening in anger.

"You know damn well what I mean ya scammer! Fifteen ryō for this shit?" the more muscular man yelled back.

"Scammer? Me? Oi! Ooooi! You! Smell this! Smell my great supply! Can you smell the freshness? Can you smell the sea?" The fisherman, adamant to prove his customer wrong and preserve his business, gestured to other inhabitants. At once, a sea of various shades of red swarmed the stand as every person in the market came to see the commotion and started inspecting the fish.

"It ain't fresh," one said with a look of disgust.

"Nah, it's fresh," another said, facing the first.

"Fix your nose moron! It's ain't fresh" a third person interjected, standing next to the first.

"Fix your brain idiot! It's fresh!" a woman roared while she stood next to the second person.

"IT AIN'T FRESH"

"IT'S FRESH"

The crowd became divided into two groups, repeating their respective opinions like a mantra.

"It ain't fresh ya fuckers" a young lady living in a treehouse above the market, with shaggy pinkish hair hidden under a cap, and a stingray in hand added her own two cents as she observed the dispute with a smirk.

And that's all it took as both groups ran at each other, brandishing the seafood like swords and clubs, and began hailing each other in complete chaos.

The young woman laughed from her perch, as she reached into the treehouse and withdrew a small metallic flute. She began playing a fast-paced melody to accompany the rhythm of the fish-fight happening below her.


Meanwhile, in one of the homes.

Rays of sunshine pierced through the velvet curtains of a small room. The room itself was painted light pink, with various feminine decorations and small toys on the ground. A tiny bed lay adjacent to a wall and opposed to the window. Upon a comfy mattress and under a thick purple duvet slept a tiny red-haired girl.

As the sun reached her eyes, she scrunched them in annoyance and turned around with a huff. It wasn't long however before the sounds of the fight reached her and with a grown, the covers were thrown off.

"UUUUghhhh! I'm up!" the ten-year-old girl said before her pudgy cheeks stretched in a yawn.

Blearily she opened her eyes, revealing a pair of violet irises, and got out of the big mound of fluffiness she called her bed. She lazily dragged her bare feet and opened the screen door leading to the rest of the house.

Still in her sleepwear consisting of a white puffy gown, she walked around until she reached the kitchen of her home. Smelling a familiar delicious aroma, she straightened up and licked her lips in anticipation. Skipping to the table, she tilted a chair backward and jumped on it, balancing on two of its feet before it fell and brought her face closer to the plate before her.

A ceramic bowl laid before her. It was filled with the noodly goodness she and her brother loved, coupled with half a boiled egg and some steamed vegetables that slightly lowered her enthusiasm, but it was still part of her favorite food.

Breakfast Ramen.

Mmmmm! Kushina Uzumaki was a happy child indeed!


Later.

With her sandals on and a skip in her step, Kushina strolled out of her house, not bothering to lock the door behind her as she hopped down between the small houses at her sides.

Clad in a purple dress that matched her eyes, the red-haired little girl strolled through the village with a destination in mind, greeting her clansmen as she passed.

As she walked by the market, she saw a huge pileup of men and women slapping each other with fish. A familiar melody reached her ears as she looked up at the tree overlooking the stalls, where an older girl sat on the windowsill of a treehouse and played the flute.

"G'morning Tayu-neechan!" The girl waved happily at the musician, who looked at her and smiled beneath her flute, shaking her head as if to reply to her greeting.

Moments later, the teen paused as she took her lips off the instrument with a smack of her lips.

"Ohayo! Kushi-chan! Going to visit Blondie?" the musician asked with a smirk as the girl nodded back enthusiastically.

"Uh-huh! Naru-niichan promised me a gift today! Ah…" Kushina paused and looked at the fight "...What's it about today?" she asked

"Ah, you know the usual… fresh fish" the teen answered back with a shrug as she took her flute back and resumed her song.

"Same old same old! Hihi!" the girl giggled, knowing this particular dispute was an almost daily occurrence.

She cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted "GOOOOOOD MOOORNING!"

The fighters stopped mid-punch and turned towards the shout, smiling despite their bruises as they saw the red-haired young lady.

"Good morning Kushina-chan!" they all said joyously before resuming their roughhousing.

"HERE! SMELL THE FRESHNESS! KISS THE SCALES!"

"PWAH! SMELLS LIKE YOUR MOTHER'S VAGINA!"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Kushina laughed merrily as she went on her way. Before long she found herself jogging on the cobblestone path leading to the outskirts of the village, as houses became less and less numerous. She soon arrived at a rusted metal fence and jumped over it with grace unexpected of a girl her age.

Looking around, she moved forward towards what looked like a rock quarry, she peered under it and saw the back of a blond young man clad only in shorts, sandals, and a dirty white shirt. All around him were various statues depicting either people, animals, or abstract pieces of art, and the boy himself was hunched over something and focused on it.

Kushina smirked like a fox.

She stealthily made her way to the edge of the cliff, her legs coiled like a spring as she crouched down, seemingly mimicking a tiger. With a deep breath, she pushed and pounced at the blond man's back.

She was barely a few feet from him, before the teenager stiffened and exploded into action, turning around with a raised fist, his blue eyes widened upon seeing the girl in the air. Thus, he changed from a punch to an open hand and swiftly caught Kushina by the back of her dress with one hand while the other clutched something gingerly and carefully.

Whatever it was, the blond seemed to be handling the object with more care than his own sister. As evidenced by the fact he held her by the back of her dress, a few feet off the ground.

"Niiiiichaaaan I almost had you!" the girl pouted adorably, still suspended in the air by her much taller brother.

He was six feet and still growing while she had to settle on being a short four feet five inches! Unfair!

"Gah! Kushi-tan! Ya know ya shouldn't surprise me in the middle of work! I almost punched yer lights out! Ya' know?" the blond said in panic before he lowered his sister to the ground.

The girl dropped with a huff before throwing her older brother a glare. It would have had the desired effect had it not been on the round face of a ten-year-old child.

"It's not fair! I can never sneak up on you! Boo!" she stomped the ground and crossed her arms in a pout.

No matter how she tried to be sneaky, her brother was never caught off guard! Even after she started her ninja training, her civilian sibling still held the upper hand!

Talk about injustice!

"Ya know I can-" he raised two hands in a placating gesture but was cut off.

"-hear a fly buzzing from the other side of the garden! I know, Naru-niichan!" Kushina held her pout for a few moments, even making a show of looking away in faux-anger.

Stupid super-niichan! He just had to fall in the Magic Potion when he was little!

"Eh? Ehhhh? Kushi-tan! What? Are you mad at me?" The blond seemed to panic before his expression changed into a small frown.

"Hmmm… then I guess you won't want the surprise I had for you," the blond said, hurriedly hiding the object he had in hand, hoping his sister hadn't noticed what it was yet.

That seemed to do the trick as the smaller sibling turned to look at the blond with wide eyes "Eeeeeehhhhh? But you promiiiiised!" she whined and ran into the teen's stomach, delivering a barrage of punches that did nothing but tickle the amused blond.

"Hmmm I did, didn't I?" he said, ignoring the little girl's assault. Punches that would have likely taken down grown men barely felt like mosquito bites to him. He continued humming, even taking a thinking pose to add to the mockery while the redhead continued to unleash her fury on his stomach.

"Hmmmmyyynggaaaaaah! Ya got me lil' sis! Here!" He finally relented to Kushina's cuteness and revealed the object he had hidden.

Kushina withheld a gasp at the sight. It was a small statue, about the size of her hand, picturing both of them, with mini-Naruto carrying her on his shoulders, while mini-Kushina hugged his head and buried her grinning face in his locks.

Unlike the rest of the statues which were made mostly with granite, this one was made of marble and chiseled with such precision that one would think it wasn't made by human hands.

Especially considering her brother never used tools to do his work, he simply molded the rock using his ridiculously powerful grip.

Naruto, unlike the other Uzumakis, was unique. While most of them had red hair like her, he only used to have that color for the first two years of his life. From what gramps told her, Naruto was an extremely excitable and adventurous toddler. So much so that when gramps had left him alone in his office, the boy had somehow made his way to the old man's laboratory, where the legendary Elixir of Power was made.

Anyone could guess what happened next. Naruto had made his way to a large container filled with the concoction… And almost drowned in it.

He was lucky Gramps came back after hearing the racket and pulled out the toddler. It came as a surprise for everyone when the boy's blood-red hair bleached itself to a pale yellow.

Kushina didn't like recalling this story too much since it reminded her that Naruto could've died four years before she got to meet him.

But it was also because of this incident, that Naruto gained his superhuman strength. The effects of the potion had become permanent on him and he simply kept growing in strength as he aged.

Kushina loved to brag about her older brother, the strongest boy in the land!

Coming back to their conversation, she found herself asking "You made this?" as she looked at the statuette.

"Yup," Naruto opened his hands, showing his dirty palms and especially his longer pinky nails (he used those for the small details).

"It was really hard cause it was so small, but I wanted something special to show what you mean to me Kushi-tan" the teen grinned toothily.

His answer prompted the girl to get misty-eyed and give a shaky smile back at her older sibling.

Naruto suddenly felt the girl impact his stomach with full force and wrap her hands, still clutching the gift in one of them, around his midsection.

The boy smiled softly at the girl and patted her back, making sure to use a minimal amount of strength.

"Happy birthday, Kushina-chan"

A shadow briefly covered the sun and made Naruto look up, only to see a messenger hawk. Specifically, the species native to the land of fire.

He narrowed his eyes in worry.


Later, under the Uzukage manor.

A sixteen-year-old girl giggled as she sat on a desk, among a variety of glowing vials and chemical instruments. She twirled a strand of her red hair, favoring the right side that had long hair as opposed to the left, shorter, and spikier side. She scrunched her nose, pushing up her glasses in the process as her ruby-red eyes scanned the text before her with great enthusiasm.

'Lucky you Yumi-chan, getting ravaged by an absolute barbarian of a-'

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" a shout made the girl jump in surprise, and shook the variety of glass tools around her.

'Buh?' was her only thought as she looked at the entrance of the laboratory, where her boss had disappeared to earlier.

"KARIN! GO GET MY RIDE!" the gruff and grating voice of the Uzukage rang out.

The now named Karin sighed in exasperation and raised her hands to her face.

'Oh God… did he forget to take his pills again?' She thought, before getting up and adjusting her lab coat.

A lab coat over a purple button-up shirt with a red tie and black pants. Professional, yet stylish.

As she should be if she wanted to seduce that studly brute-

"KAAARINNN! YA BRAT!" the old man's shout snapped her out of her thoughts as she groaned in response.

"COMING YOU OLD COOT" she shouted back.

"I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST DISRESPECT ME IN MY OWN HOUSE-"

"WHATEVER GRAMPS! WHAT IS IT?" she interrupted her boss before he could go on another rant.

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU! GET ME MY RIDE! I GOT URGENT NEWS!" the man gruffly ordered.

"FINE" Karin relented.

She looked back at her book and brought a finger to lick it before turning the corner of a page, bookmarking her progress.

Time to get the boss' gophers.


Later, Uzushiogakure's central plaza.

"Hey, do you know why the Chief called us here?"

"Beats me, maybe he's finally kicking the bucket and namin' a successor. 'Bout time if ya ask me"

"You really think so-"

"SHHHH he's here"

A crowd of redheads gathered in the center of the village, facing a small stage set up for public announcements. The sound of marching feet was heard as four men walked towards the stage, carrying a palanquin on their shoulders.

Naruto, being the only blond on the island, smirked at the sight among the sea of red. Old as he was, Gramps was quirky and liked doing the weirdest things sometimes. The palanquin was useless, but everyone in the village cared about the Uzukage and thus indulged in his eccentricities.

Soon, the thin spindly figure of the village leader got out of the ride, dressed in a simple red robe with a grey conical hat on his head. Standing at around five feet two inches, he was at an impressive height considering he's lived one hundred and thirty-four years.

The man before them was the oldest in the village and yet the most powerful as well.

The Uzukage climbed the few steps and stood before the crowd.

"GOOD MORNING KIDS!" he yelled, his voice carrying over everyone.

"GOOD MORNING CHIEF!" was the common response.

"NOW, BEFORE I START WITH WHY I GATHERED YOU ALL HERE, I NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING. YA REMEMBER OUR POLICY ON SECRETS?" he asked, causing a wave of confusion.

"SNITCHES GET STITCHES!" the crowd answered despite their bewilderment.

"SO, KNOWING THAT, EXPLAIN TO ME, JUST SO WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE, HOW THE FUCK DID MIZU AND KUMO COME TO KNOW ABOUT THE POTION?" the man cussed, heedless of the presence of children in the crowd.

Silence enveloped the people as they all gazed at the Uzukage. It was surprising, considering how remote and isolated Uzushiogakure was, and the fact everybody knew everybody. The only way this information would have leaked out is if one of them said it, either during a visit from foreign merchants or when some of their merchants took trips to the mainland.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at this before he felt a tug on his shirt. He raised a hand to ruffle Kushina's head to quell her worries. He felt another elbow on his shoulder and looked to his side, seeing the smirking village musician waving at him in greeting.

"Blondie and Kushi-chan. How're you guys today?"

"Heya Tayuya-chan!" Naruto greeted the girl with a grin before he felt someone poke his shoulder and looked back, seeing a shy Karin behind him.

"H-hey" she said, twirling a lock of her hair.

"Good day to ya too Karin-chan" his teeth almost glinted in the sunlight as he threw her a winning smile.

"Yeah, good. Er- the day is good indeed! Naruto-kun" Karin nodded nervously, adjusting her glasses with a hand while the other continued playing with her hair.

"Umm yeah? The weather is nice I guess"

"Nice" Karin nodded again, fidgeting.

Unbeknownst to him, Tayuya and Kushina were poking their heads over Naruto's shoulder and mockingly making kissing gestures.

The red-eyed girl flushed, both in anger and embarrassment at them before she straightened up "Umm so Naruto-kun, I was thinking how about you and me-"

"-SHUT UP! HOW ABOUT YOU TWO SHUT UP AND KEEP YOUR DRAMA FOR LATER, WE GOT A SITUATION HERE AND I NEED YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING" the grave voice of their leader cut the conversation short, alongside whatever tension Karin was feeling.

"SORRY CHIEF/GRAMPS!" Both the blond and the redhead froze and raised their hands in a military salute.

The old man gazed at them with scrutiny, before turning back to the audience.

"AS I WAS SAYING, KONOHA INFORMED US THE MIST AND CLOUD ARMIES MOBILIZING ON THE COAST OF THE LAND OF NOODLES AND NAGI ISLAND WITH BATTLESHIPS"

'Wait what?' Naruto froze at the news.

"I WANTED TO REMAIN NON-INVOLVED IN THIS WAR BUT I GUESS WE HAVE NO CHOICE!" The Chief continued, unaware of the blond's turmoil.

'War?' said teen paled, he didn't know anything about a war!

"IF THESE BRATS THINK THEY CAN TUSSLE WITH AN UZUMAKI AND COME OUT ON TOP, THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SHOW'EM THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS!"

"HAI!" additional shouts of agreement swept through the crowd as the clan became energetic.

'Shit' the sculptor held his head between his hands.

"SO! WE'LL ENACT THE PLAN WE'VE PREPARED FOR THIS SITUATION! OPERATION 'TORTOISE GUARDS THE RABBIT' IS A GO" the Uzukage finished with a flourish, drawing a roar from the crowd as it exploded into action.

'Double shit' Naruto gritted his teeth in worry.


A/N: Asterix & Obelix, for most of you who do not know, is a French comics series that received various media adaptations. Its premise takes place 50 BC during the Roman conquest of Gaul (France's old name in Antiquity) and how one village in the north came to possess a Magic potion from their druid that gave them superhuman strength.
The adventures follow the eponymous Asterix and Obelix, a pair of Gallic warriors who go on various adventures around the world, facing Romans and many other adversaries.
Where Asterix is small and smart, Obelix is big and pretty dumb.

Obelix fell into a cauldron of magic potion as a kid and thus gained permanent super-physical attributes, mostly strength.

If you haven't guessed yet, some of the people in this fic will be based on characters or "fill the role" of certain Asterix and Obelix characters.

Like Naruto being a mix of Asterix and Obelix, and the Uzukage being a mix of Panoramix and Abraracourcix.

Oh yeah, while the story happens during the second ninja war, every Uzumaki we know in the series is alive right now.

Map of the Elemental nations can be found here: www. Deviantart entertainmensch/ art/Elemental-Nations-Map-v0-2-846706307

Uzushio is that tiny dot on the left of the Land of Tea.

The pairing for Naruto would be a tossup between Karin, Tayuya, and Fuu (or two or more at the same time) but Karin does take the lead for now. No NaruKushi as I don't do incest (Karin and Tayuya are distant cousins at most). Kushina'd either be paired with Minato or someone else, depending on the direction the story moves in.

Don't hesitate to leave me some reviews to tell me what you think!