Chapter VIII

Dearest Walter,

You are such a gentle soul. You make the world a brighter place even though at the moment it is nothing but a gigantic dark cloud of worry and unhappiness. How can you ever call yourself a coward, hating yourself for not enlisting and letting your soul crash to the ground simply because someone gave you a white feather? I could strangle that person myself, that dreadful, dreadful person!

I am so immensely proud of Jem for enlisting, he's so brave and you and I know that. However, Jem was born to be a soldier, it is not a task that he takes in any way heavily, which in my opinion is very foolish of him, but I also know that this is a very Jem-like thinking. He will soon be sent over to fight and my hands shake just thinking about it. I cannot even imagine what our parents are going through. What Faith is going through. I myself, being the oldest out of all of us, have always felt a motherly protective instinct towards you all. This may be why I never teased any of you, never picked a fight, always stood by your side and I will continue to do so until my dying breath. To think of you, my wonderful poet-brother-of-my-heart, enlisting? Being dressed in khaki and having a deadly weapon in your hands… Walter, this is not you and you know it. Please do me a favour (and yourself too) and simply live your life, not someone else's. Write about the war, cowardice, bravery, death and life all you want and desire to, but do not enlist. I beg of you. If you can't do that for yourself, then do it for our parents, for me, for Una.

I know that you've said in your last letter how you're growing fonder and fonder of her. I for one truly believe that you two have a soul connection, and whatever the specifics of that connection are, I advise you to figure them out and to focus on this instead of enlisting. I need you here, on this Earth, I need you to visit me after all of this is over in my Italy so I can show you Pienza, Tuscany, Firenze, Venice… Your Venice, Walter! You could live there after the war, you could write there, settle down, have a family and live a happy, happy life. Do not throw it away for a senseless cause.

You said a funny thing in your letter. You said that if I could I would enlist and be a soldier myself. No, dear brother, this is far from the truth. No, I wouldn't want to be next to Jem and Jerry right now, being sent off to fight. I could only do that if I knew I'd be fighting for something worthwhile. What are they fighting for now? What? There shouldn't be a war in the first place, it has no actual meaning! This is exactly what happens, and has been happening for centuries, when men rule over the world. Men are reckless, their virtue and honour giddy and very malleable, they live to fight. My theory is fighting to live. That is the only time when I would happily enlist, to protect my life, and I would put on some nice, khaki uniform and take two guns just in case the first one doesn't work.

Walter, you are the most unique man I have ever met. You are not reckless and your virtue and honour can be clearly read in your every gaze and action. You have such a talented mind, the words that appear in your heart and are written down by your hands on paper can live on forever and be admired by so many different people for centuries to come, if you only let them. I need you to stay true to yourself and enlisting is the opposite of that. I could not bear it. My heart would break into a million pieces.

Please consider my words, dear brother and for Heaven's sake, don't do anything stupid which you will regret the second after you do it.

Now…

Yes, there is a man in my life and his name is Luca. No, he is not my beau or anyone of the sort, however, he is a very sweet man nonetheless. I met him, like I told you in my last letter, at Lorenzo and Francesca's wedding and the irony is is that Luca is Francesca's older brother.

Luca Moretti is a tall, young man of twenty-four years old. He is quite slim, although not so much that he looks like a boy, but not so broad that he looks like a muscular athlete. His hair is black and so are his eyes and eyebrows. He always smiles and it's so refreshing as he smiles because he is always joyful (and bashful). His life's philosophy is that "life is too precious to be sad over anything for more than a moment" and I guess I never knew a person who lived in such a way. When I walk with him across the fields or drink coffee with him after my work, I feel like the world is really not as melancholy or awful as the newspapers portray it to be.

Sometimes I think he might like me more than I would like him to, but he never says anything about my speculations. I never say anything about them either so I suppose that's a blessing. Walter, he is truly lovely, however… I need a man who is strong enough and wild enough to be my equal in those aspects of my soul. Luca is not built like this, often I view him as very soft and maybe even too malleable. It's a wonderful look on him but not on my future life partner.

I already know what your response to all of this will be and that's fine. I know I need to open up my heart to many different kinds of men, yes, but we all know what we need, right? You do too! That's why you and Una are such a wonderful match (I am not putting any pressure on you, however).

You are right, I don't write much about my work. I think that's because writing is my work and when I'm writing something other than what I do for a living, I forget that I do have a real, money paying job and so I just forget to tell you about it. My publisher, Mr Cosa, is constantly nagging me to write a short story after a short story after a short story. At first, he wants something funny, then something romantic and maybe something for children, teenagers, women, girls, men, boys, elderly… Therefore, needless to say, I am swamped with work, as much as I hate the sound of the word 'swamped', it does perfectly describe my life at the moment. My fingers are constantly and fully covered in different layers of ink which I often also find on my nose, cheeks, chin and even sometimes on my mug. I am blessed to say that Mr Cosa is a nice man, even though he has the deep, demanding Italian voice and gesticulations he frequently uses towards me. He pays me fairly too and I know that this is very rare for women to say.

Now I am off to write a letter to Jem, Mother, Father and Rilla. That is how I spend my free Sunday evenings which I always make sure are free from writing short stories.

Please, dearest Walter, stay your unapologetic self, and be safe, always.

With all my love across the pond,

Your sister,

Joy


It was Christmas and Joy suddenly found herself more homesick than ever before. Joy was sitting in Gia's old bedroom in her parents' house, her red curls loosely tied back and her good, old and plain navy blue dress on display beneath. She only had another ten minutes before she was supposed to go downstairs to join Gia, her parents and Gia's eight younger siblings for Christmas dinner. Joy seemed to be physically stuck in Gia's room, however. She worried for Walter's troubled mind and for Jem and Jerry being off to the war. In her hands, she held Ken's letter which was attached to a little package which she hadn't opened yet.

The card was covered in drawings of cypress trees and snowflakes, drawn poetically by Ken's hand. Joy was afraid to read it as she knew what it would say. Her fingers shook a little before she managed to open the card to find Ken's swirling writing saying both "I love you" and "I will be well enough to enlist in the spring, hooray!". Joy quickly found her cheeks soaked in wet salty liquid. The candle near her, set its flame into dances and their shadows fell on the card as her hands trembled. She softly caressed the card with her almost completely ink-free hands and imagined Ken's soft yet sturdy fingers touching the card's edges, where her hands were now.

She didn't want to let herself wander too deep into her thoughts, not during Christmas of all days. Therefore, she quickly cleaned away her tears with a handkerchief her father had given her on her very first Christmas back at the House of Dreams. Her hands found their way to the neatly decorated package and she opened it hungrily, to change the course of her thoughts. Inside was a pearl necklace and Joy's breath was taken away. She had never received such an extravagant and expensive gift. There was a note underneath the necklace which read: "This is only a second necklace I have given you and I promise it is not the last. You deserve this and so much more. Merry Christmas.".

"Joy?"

The red-haired young woman turned around and saw Gia in all her glory, with perfectly assorted hair and wonderfully fitting pink dress. Gia raised an eyebrow, looking at her worriedly "Are you alright?" she asked and upon seeing Joy's wet cheeks, she closed the door softly behind her and leaned against the table Joy was sitting next to.

"Ken will enlist in spring." Joy said quietly, touching each pearl on the necklace in her hands "And he still loves me."

Gia sighed wistfully and slowly took the necklace out of Joy's hands. "Ken is wonderful." she said decidedly, a soft smile on her lips. Gia came behind Joy and started putting on the pearl necklace around her neck, gently tucking Ken's first necklace for Joy, the silver "P" for Pienza, under the dress' fabric. Gia was looking into the mirror in front of Joy and Joy's gaze followed hers "But just because he is wonderful, sent you those gifts and keeps on saying those words doesn't mean you have to make up your mind now."

"But what if I do?" Joy exclaimed suddenly. Her eyes were set upon the reflection of herself with both of Ken's necklaces on her, one out front and another now even closer to her heart, behind the fabric of her dress "If he goes, and I'm sure he of all people will, I need to know and I need to tell him now. I need to spend time with him now because… because… he might never…" tears rolled down her freckled cheeks once again and Gia's grasp tightened on Joy's shoulders.

"It's your life, Joy." she whispered kindly "You don't have to force yourself to do or feel or say anything, in fact, it's very unhealthy for you to do so if you're not certain. You cannot under any circumstances change the way you are or who you love… Nothing can change that." her voice became so weak that Joy looked at her and as if awoken from a dream reached for Gia's hands.

"Gia, dear!" she said fearfully "What's wrong?"

Gia looked seriously at Joy in the mirror, her own eyes filling with tears "It's Christmas so I suppose it's the best time to tell you this but I don't know how to tell you, it's all very strange and confusing."

Joy frowned and kissed Gia's hands "You can tell me anything."

Gia gulped and paused before opening her mouth again "My whole life I knew that I looked at love and romance differently from other girls and women around me." she started slowly "And ever since I acknowledged that and made peace with it after years of trying to deny this part of me, I feel like I need to tell someone as otherwise, my heart will explode, I can't keep on bearing this by myself, Joy…" she burst into sudden waves of tears which Joy didn't expect at all. It was the first time she had seen Gia crying. Joy turned around then and embraced Gia so quickly that she didn't even realise her thought process at all, it was an instinct to embrace her. Gia clearly lost herself in her friend's embrace and sobbed for a little while. To Joy, it seemed like all the thoughts, feelings and words which Gia kept hidden away from everyone poured out at last and all Joy could do was to caress Gia's hair gently, putting her own worries and struggles away.

After a few long and meaningful moments, Gia pulled away gently and accepted Joy's handkerchief to dry her tears. "You're the only person whom I trust with my life." Gia said and Joy's lip trembled, feeling more honour in her heart than ever before "And yet I'm still afraid to tell you this because I don't know what to think about it still."

"Gia, darling." Joy said softly, taking her sister's hands in her own "Nothing you say to me will make me love you any less. You're my long, lost sister, you know that." she smiled and Gia reciprocated at last, taking in as much air into her lungs as she could.

"I love women." Gia uttered suddenly, in a single breath "I am not attracted to men at all. I like them, as my friends, colleagues and so on but not in a "I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you."-way. I can only think of women in that way. I tried to reject those feelings, I tried to deny that that's who I am but I can't, it's like this is a part of my brain, the way I think and view things."

Joy listened carefully, her expression thoughtful and gentle. She paused to gather her thoughts and then tightened her grasp on Gia's hands "Gia, you are a beautiful person, inside and out." she said delicately "You know that I am not an overly religious person and that I am more confused than certain in this respect. I don't care that you would like to kiss another woman or to be with a woman instead of a man. Love is what it is, there are no different kinds, it's just… love."

Gia smiled the widest smile that Joy had seen on her friend. The relief radiated from her like heat radiating from the sun. Without another word she embraced Joy gratefully "You have no idea how much your acceptance means to me." she whispered.

"I know." Joy whispered back "You accept my wildness and moods and strange way of being every day. Not many people would accept those either."

Gia pulled away and the smile was still on her lips. The image made Joy's own lips curl into a grin, forgetting all her troubles for longer still and feeling overfilled with happiness caused by her discovering the essence of her best friend. It was like an epiphany of their friendship and sisterhood and somehow Joy also felt a sense of relief and gratitude that Gia shared this sacred truth about herself with only her. Joy knew it was one of those special moments in one's life which she would remember forever.

"And just to be crystal clear, dearest Joy," Gia said all of a sudden carefully "-I do not see you in a romantic way of any sort."

Both lovely women burst out laughing, making the whole house filled with youthful joy "Well, thank God for that!" Joy giggled and their laughter continued on. It didn't stop throughout the entire evening and Christmas dinner with Gia and her family. On that day of days, Joy stopped feeling homesick as she was surrounded by love, love from within herself to others and from others to herself. And what else could have possibly made life more wonderful than that?