Diarchy by Nientails2000/RVroovie99 Chapter 4: Escapism


Luigi sat in the bath, softly contemplating what he was doing. In just a little bit, he was going to be meeting with Bowser, his arch nemesis for seemingly DECADES, for a friendly spot of tea. What was he THINKING? Was this all some plot to get dirt on Mario? Was it a plan to schmooze him up for something?

It's all so sudden, Way too fast. Especially their impromptu tea party yesterday. It was like they were old friends or something with how calm and relaxed it was. He picked apart their entire conversation, but nothing stood out to him...except for Bowser's eyes...There was no faking the kind of pain and longing he saw in them. He knew for a fact because he observed the same kind of pain in his own eyes.

Maybe it's like Bowser said and he just needed someone to talk to. He knew for a fact that Peach can be tiringly self-centered when she's your friend, just imagine how bad it is if she doesn't like you. Maybe all Bowser needed was a friend to connect with. If only it were that easy, just befriend the man and their issues fly out the window...Stranger things have happened.

As he got dressed, he couldn't stop thinking about Bowser. His eyes so full of hidden emotions, the way his muzzle seemed to soften up when he was genuinely happy. The tough-yet-yielding touch of his scaled hand. The way his cheeks would go pink when he was out of his comfort zone. It all seemed genuine...real...more real than the toads back in the Mushroom Kingdom, more real than the princesses ever acted...

...More real than Mario ever...

He shook the thoughts from his head and adjusted his cap as he finished dressing. He smiled bright and winked at himself. He dared anybody to deny how handsome he was looking right now. Chucking to himself, he left the bathroom to find two Hammer Brothers waiting for him.

"Lord Bowser requests your audience in the garden." The two hammer brothers spoke in unison with salutes to match.

"Okie-dokie. Let's-a-go!" Luigi pumped his fist. In the end, after all his deliberation, he finally decided to just roll with it. If Bowser was leading him on to get info out of him, then he'd just pay him back with a beating. If Bowser was genuine though...Maybe he could see what else is hiding behind those scarlet eyes...

"Aah, Luigi. There you are." Bowser greeted the plumber cordially as he arrived to the field of flowers. "I trust you're in good spirits?"

"As well as they can be as a prisoner, I suppose..." Luigi shrugged at Bowser's question.

"Oh...right...right right." Bowser awkwardly looked away, having forgotten the situation he created for the two of them. "Uh...come, sit. They've prepared a western style tea for us." Bowser motioned behind him to a picnic blanket that had been set up with cups and a kettle.

"Hmm? Really? After yesterday, I thought you'd want to try the Fire Flower tea again..." Luigi pointed to the flowers behind them.

"Heh, it's tempting, but I'd rather pace myself when it comes to that tea." Bowser smiled sheepishly. "If I guzzle down pots of it now, then it'll stop being so special...right?"

"Aah, good point." Luigi nodded. "It's like my Nona's cakes. She would always save them for special occasions and whenever we asked why, she'd say "The first step to enjoying a treat is knowing what it's like to not have it." Luigi tugged his stache softly, thinking back. "Or something like that. She only ever spoke Italian, so that's just a rough translation."

"Huh, I see..." Bowser thought back to his own grandparents and grumbled. "My gram and gramps were dead long before I was around, so even if they could cook, they didn't have any use for it."

"I'm sorry to hear that..." Luigi gave Bowser a sincere look.

"Baah, it's fine. They still visit from time to time." Bowser shrugged dismissively.

"WHAAA!?" Luigi nearly jumped out of his skin. "They STILL visit!?"

"Yeah." Bowser nodded, flatly. "You've met Gramps before, he's always joining in our competitions and races when he can get the chance." Bowser scratched his chin. "I tell him to take it easy since he's just a skeleton now, but he says that's all the reason he needs to play.

"W-w-wait..." Luigi slowly pieced together what Bowser meant. "So you mean...Is he that giant spooky looking Dry Bones that always shows up?"

"Yes. Demon Lord Bowser Koopa XXV." Bowser counted on his fingers. "He died about...at least a good hundred years ago...Once he passed on, Papa took the crown and Gramps decided to retire as a Dry Bowser."

"Huh..." Luigi lifted his cap and scratched at his scalp out of confusion and nervousness. "I forget you koopas can re-animate..."

"Yeah. I've been there before. It's nice to not be dead, but parts of it can really suck." Bowser rolled his eyes. "Your bones just kinda float around so it's hard to move until you get used to it, you can't eat, you can't sleep and you can't feel anything. But it maximizes your magical powers, which is a nice rush...though it obviously never amounted to anything for me..."

Luigi felt a shiver roll up his spine. "Eek, If you ask me, you're better like this. When you're Dry Bowser you look so inhuman and creepy. At least like this, you still have your humanity and compassion."

There was a silent moment between the two of them as what Luigi just said really sunk in. Bowser moved to look at Luigi while Luigi looked away shyly. "My...Humanity and compassion?"

"I mean...Compared to as a Dry Bowser...Well not like you don't have it...I mean..." Luigi tried to gather his thoughts. "What I'm trying to say is...You've got a heart like this...I don't see that when you change into Dry Bowser..."

"I've got heart, huh?" Bowser found himself feeling lighter than air for a brief moment at the compliment.

"Y-yeah...you don't show it all the time but..." Luigi awkwardly made eye contact. "I believe you have a heart. You love your kids, you love your kingdom and despite trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom all the time, it's obvious you care a lot about the world at large..."

"Well I wouldn't say all that..." Bowser rolled his eyes. "But you're right about my kids and kingdom at least..." Bowser looked out at the cloudy skies of his kingdom. Even with the soot and overcast, there were still rays of sun that could shine through the clouds. "Making this kingdom prosper has been my life's work...And I don't think I've changed a thing..." Bowser grumbled to himself thoughtfully.

"Bowser...If you don't mind my asking..." Luigi shyly inched closer to the koopa. "Your pursuit of Peach...Is it genuine?" Luigi tried to find a way to ask without sounding too rude. "Why do you pursue her so hard even when she's not...you know...Does she have anything to do with your kingdom?"

"She's a beauty...Very elegant and soft..." Bowser smiled. "It's true, I do have feelings for her...but yes...my main pursuit of her is in the name of my kingdom..." Bowser looked up to the sky. "I'm sure you've noticed by now, she has gifts that no other Mushroom Citizen has."

"Y-yeah..." Luigi thought back to all of Peach's feats and powers. "She's truly incredible."

"She's got formidable white magic within her. Purifying light and holy spells..." Bowser looked wistfully at the clouds as they lazily floated by. "That light, were I to posses it, would bring such change to my kingdom..." Bowser reached out to the sky. "The bright rays of dawn, the mystical glow of moonlight...Soft blue skies full of fresh, clean air...Of course just taking her kingdom for my own would achieve the same thing so I could kill two birds with one stone."

"Then...why not ask her for diplomatic union?" Luigi was curious now about Bowser's intentions. "Why commit such horrible acts all the time and force her into a marriage when you could just come forward and ask for help."

"Hmph, If it was that easy, my father or my father's father would have done it long ago..." Bowser suddenly sounded distant and jaded. "It's only a modern development that us Darklanders are tolerated at all outside of the kingdom." Bowser thought back to the stories his father told him. "We were always creatures who dwell in the darkness of caves, sewers and catacombs so when we decided centuries ago to live among the surface, we were demonized and hated...These lands before our occupation were desolate and empty but we claimed it and made it habitable so that even if we were among the darkness, we were still among the living..."

"I see..." Luigi had never heard this side of the Mushroom/Koopa conflict before. "So what about the Mushroom Kingdom? What lead you to trying to conquer it?"

"The Mushroom Kingdom is a lively vibrant kingdom...but not very accepting of...other kinds..." Bowser grimaced a bit. "My ancestors attempted peaceful negotiations for union, but they were shot down instantly, beaten within an inch of their lives and expunged from the kingdom. When they returned to the Dark Lands their leader at the time, Demon Lord Kerog Koopa swore revenge against the House of Toadstool and founded the Koopa Kingdom in order to do so."

"So that's why..." Luigi put two and two together. "You and Peach..."

"Despite how it seems, I'm actually the closest to diplomacy that the kingdom has ever known..." Bowser shrugged. "I just want to capture Peach and marry her to form a union between our kingdoms. If someone like Gramps were still in power, he would have burned the kingdom and all who inhabit it to ash, snapped her neck and call it a day by now." He chuckled to himself darkly. "Thankfully the changing times and wider acceptance of our kingdom and citizens kept Gramps from reaching that final solution of his, the sadistic bastard..."

"Reminds me of back home if you ask me..." Luigi sighed sadly.

"Back...home?" Bowser looked the plumber up and down. "You mean that kingdom beyond our world?"

"Yeah. I come from a place called Brooklyn within a country named America." Luigi thought back. "Back in that world, we had a very similar war going on...People native to that land would look down on those who weren't. Immigrants hoping for better lives, refugees seeking sanctuary from war and famine, even people captured and brought to those lands with the intent of being sold into slavery. They would all be hated and abused and killed."

Luigi grumbled, upset even thinking about it. "And the worst part is that the so-called natives aren't even natives themselves, their ancestors invaded and conquered the land for themselves from the people who were already there, lumping them in with those they saw as beneath them."

"Sound absolutely fucked..." Bowser couldn't help but say it as it was.

"It truly truly is...And me and Mario being from a family of Italian immigrants were caught right in the cross hairs of it too..." Luigi shivered. "I still have bad dreams about all the horrible words and beatings we would get..."

"Worse than...what I do?" Bowser was beside himself. He never would have thought the Mario brothers could know his kind of suffering.

"Compared to what we went through, dealing with you is like a walk in the park." Luigi cupped his face with his hand, trying to re-seal the scars he had just ripped back open. "It was a living hell..."

Bowser had run out of words. Nothing he could say could help, he knew that good and well. He also knew how much he needed someone to help him shoulder his burdens at times like that. Tentatively, shyly, shaking, he reached his hand out and grasped Luigi's shoulder, hoping to be comforting. "Listen...I know it hurts...But it's a new age...And even if things are still shitty...they're less shitty than before...right?"

"...True..." Luigi let a smile creep onto his face. He'd never opened up to anyone like that after leaving Brooklyn and he'd never expected anyone to actually care. He raised a hand and laid it on top of Bowser's large clawed hand. "Th...thanks for understanding...Bowser..."

"I...Should be thanking you..." Bowser smiled softly, looking away from the plumber. "I've never known someone who I was able to get...you know...real like that with..."

"Me neither..." Luigi smiled up at the koopa, satisfied with where things were going between them. "Well...how about some tea? We can't let it get cold."

"Aah, right, tea..." Slowly, Bowser moved his hand from the plumber's shoulder and poured them some tea. Bringing the cup to his lips, he found that it had gone lukewarm while they were chatting, but he didn't mind it at all. His heart was warmed up enough already. "So...What's this 'Brooklyn' Kingdom like?"

The two sat peacefully and conversation began to flow more naturally. Both of them knew in the back of their heads that they had become familiar and comfortable with each other stupidly quick, but neither wanted to bring attention to it and ruin the mood.

What was originally meant to be maybe an hour of brief chat before Bowser went on with his business for the day eventually grew into hours of talking about whatever came to each other's minds. One moment Bowser was explaining more about the politics behind the conflict between the Koopa and Mushroom kingdoms and in the next, Luigi was sharing his papi's world famous Calzone recipe from that fabled Brooklyn Kingdom. They could always seem to find something to agree on or at least agree to disagree on in a way that neither of them had known out of anyone else before.

"Really? You rebuilt the castle by hand with your minions?" Luigi looked the Koopa king up and down, amazed.

"Of course I did. This isn't just home for me and my kids, this home for all of the people who live with us." Bowser flexed an arm and patted his bulging bicep. "A king can't be afraid of getting down and dirty to help his subjects. That's part of what it means to be king. It's part of the hunger for progress, you know?" Suddenly the two were stopped by a rumbling growling noise.

"Waah! Wh-wat was that?" Luigi meekly curled up.

"Huh..." Bowser looked around before finally setting his eyes on his plated stomach. "Oh! Speaking of hunger..." Bowser looked around for any kind of clue as to the time of day. "Jeez, how long have we been out here? It must be past lunch already."

"Huh, the tea's gone cold too." Luigi checked the long-ago forgotten pot of tea set between them. "There's still plenty left though. We could probably ice it for later on."

"What do you mean 'ice' it?" Bowser ran a hand through his fiery red hair, somewhat confused.

"Oh no, don't tell me..." Luigi shook his head in disbelief. "Don't tell me I've been sitting here with a man who doesn't know about iced tea!"

"Hey, it took Peach begging for it for me to even learn about tea in the first place! What's iced tea?" Bowser barked back at Luigi, more frustrated than genuinely upset.

"Well how about we get some chow and I'll tell you all about it?" Luigi got to his feet and held out his hand to the giant koopa to help him up.

"Oh, sure. Whatever it is, I hope it goes good with what the chef has planned today." Bowser grabbed a hold of Luigi's hand with a smile and after getting to his feet, the two of them headed off to the dining hall.

Bowser eyed the tall glass of brown-ish liquid wearily. "You sure this is drinkable?" Carefully, he watched as the cubes of ice bobbed up and down, the garnishing wheels of lemon and lime floating near the bottom. "Looks like Blaarg piss."

"Bowser, I SWEAR iced tea is fine!" Luigi rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his own iced tea in between a mouthful of salad. "Now they went through the effort of making it for us, the least you can do is drink it."

"And who are you to tell me what to do? Who's the prisoner here!?" Bowser gave Luigi a defiant but ultimately toothless scowl.

"I may be prisoner here, but at least my stomach isn't prisoner to my own prejudice." Luigi took another sip to spite the big koopa. "I think it's delicious, so I don't know what's wrong with you." Luigi gave Bowser a sharp look. "Is the terrifying Bowser Koopa afraid of a little tea?"

Bowser felt as if Luigi's eyes were cutting through his shell and piercing his heart. "ME!? AFRAID!?" He slammed his fist on the table. "I'M THE KING! I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING! NOT ONE FUCKING THING!"

"Well then, your majesty, care to explain why I'm getting ready for my second glass of tea while you've been sitting here staring at yours like it's a Boo or something?" Luigi coolly deflected Bowser's anger back at him. "A shame, that a king can be so afraid of some steeped leaves..."

"FINE! I'll drink it!" Bowser gripped the glass, almost to the point of cracking it, opened his mouth wide and threw back the entire glass in one gulp, slamming the glass back down after. "THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF-actually that tastes pretty good..." Bowser was instantly defused as soon as the flavor rolled over his tongue. "It's all refreshing and citrisy...I think I could get used to tha-" Bowser's eyes drifted over to Luigi and he was met with only a smug look of satisfaction. "...what?"

Luigi smirked. "Nothing...Just glad I got you to finally listen to me..."

"Listen to YOU? HA! I drank it because I wanted to." Bowser huffed and pouted haughtily, but couldn't hide the shade of pink in his cheeks.

"Hehehe...Sure you did..." Bowser really was like a big kid sometimes, Luigi thought. This must be where Junior gets it from. "Either way, it seems like your kingdom has some massive holes in their cuisine if you're only now learning about different kinds of teas..."

"We Darklanders don't really have an official cuisine. We would just scrape together what we learned of from invading different kingdoms." Bowser shrugged. "We've gotten a lot better in the past couple decades, but there's still holes."

"Maybe I should bring you some cookbooks next time I'm here." Luigi rolled over ideas in his head. "They may be a bit old, but I do have some from back home."

"So my chefs could prepare all that food you mentioned from the Brooklyn Kingdom?" Bowser's mouth was watering just thinking about it.

"I keep telling you, it's not a Kingdom..." Luigi rolled his eyes at the big koopa. "But yes."

"Wow, incredible!" Bowser smiled wide. "I hope Mario gets on his way here soon so I can take you again!"

"...Bowser, really? You're sayin' that to my face here." Luigi gave Bowser a flat look.

"Baah, I know you'd want to come back anyway." Bowser pointed to himself smugly. "I'm just too irresistible to ignore."

"Haha, I don't know about that..." Luigi blushed a little bit as he laughed. "But I do have to admit...when you're not trying to kill me, it's kinda nice hanging out with you..."

"Really?" Bowser double-taked at the plumber, not expecting any sort of admission like that.

"Yeah! You actually talk to me and listen." Luigi thought for a moment. "Well, listen most of the time...But it's better than not being listened to any of the time..." Luigi shrugged.

"Why wouldn't anyone wanna listen to you? From what I've seen, you're a pretty chill guy." Bowser leaned over the table, interested in where Luigi was going with what he said.

"Oh...w-well.." Luigi hesitated. How exactly does he explain how much people care about him back home? Or rather how little they care? He shouldn't have brought the subject up if he was gonna end up feeling like this...

There it was again. That hesitation. That withdraw. Bowser could see the spark in Luigi's eyes dull out and his body language went all meek and small again. What could Luigi be hiding from him that was so horrible? "Luigi...Come on, talk to me." Bowser held out a hand. "Don't get all silent on me, I'm just asking a question. You don't have to answer if you don't want to but tell me you don't want to."

Luigi pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked over at Bowser. The koopa king was one for wearing his emotions on his sleeve and right now Luigi could see concern and heartache written all over his face. Not pity, not condescent but genuine care. It put him at ease. "Well...I guess..." Luigi reached out his hand, his fingers inches away from Bowser. "It's a long story...that I guess doesn't really take that long to tell..."

"Tell me..." Bowser leaned in closer, hoping to comfort the plumber. "I'm all ears..." His hand moved to reach out for Luigi's.

"...I don't know why I'm doing this...I'm still your prisoner...but okay..." Luigi's hand reached forward too. "It's like this..." The gaps between their fingers was disappearing and they were moments from clasping together when there was a knock at the dining hall door. "Huh?" Luigi jerked back and looked to the door.

"Hmph..." Bowser huffed, an ember of flame spouting from the side of his mouth. Of all the times for him to be disturbed, it HAD to be right when he had gotten Luigi to open up. "You may enter!"

The doors to the dining hall opened and a Magikoopa flew in. "Lord Bowser, I apologize for interrupting you in the midst of lunch, but the Koopalings have returned and are requesting an audience with you!"

"Huh? Already? Damn, that was quick." He turned to Luigi, an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry Little Man, I got business to tend to. This'll have to wait until later."

"O-oh..." Luigi's mood hit rock bottom. Of course Bowser wouldn't want to listen. What was he even thinking trying to spill his guts to-he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up from his own misery he found Bowser standing tall above him, smiling down warmly.

"Later...I'll be there to listen." Bowser gave Luigi a firm pat on the shoulder "I promise on my honor as king..." and left to join the Magikoopa who was already on his way out of the hall. "Now then, let'see what the kids have for me..."

Luigi could almost hear his eyelids scraping against his eyeballs with how hard he blunk at the koopa as he walked out of the dining hall. He could feel heat in his cheeks. The way Bowser looked at him...It was a bit...charming?

* * *
In Bowser's study, he and the koopalings all sat around the table sharing the duty of briefing their father on Mario's assault and rescue of the princess from the day earlier.

"And that's what happened, Father..." Ludwig finished his report on Mario's assault. "The two of them left in a balloon with a group of Toads back for the kingdom at zero four fifty hours and that's the last contact we've had with them."

"I see..." Bowser leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. "So that bastard finally sealed the deal with her then? This may throw a wrench my plans. If Mario and Peach are going to be married then we'll have to make sure we enact the next part of this plan before the proceedings are finalized." Bowser motioned to his purple shelled son. "Roy, what's the status on Castle-C?"

"The contractors tell me it's almost ready." Roy grumbled, his muzzle partially covered with bandages and a bag of ice and sunglasses held together with duct tape and glue. "Just another day or two and we should be ready to snag that bitch again."

"Someone's a bit huffy." Bowser raised an eyebrow. "Did she really beat you THAT bad?"

"Hey, YOU take a fuckin' frying pan to the face and tell me how you feel, pops!" Roy grumbled, rubbing his jaw. "And I still gotta wait a month for my fang to grow back..."

"I'll let that outburst slide because you're legitimately hurt, but next time you start yelling and swearing at me like that, I'll give you more to worry about than a broken fang." Bowser gave Roy a stern look and had a dangerous edge to his voice.

"S-sorry dad...Just nerves..." Roy shrunk down a bit in his seat.

"Hmph...It's alright." Bowser offered his son a smile. "I know just how cunning that girl can be when she feels like she has the upper hand..." Bowser chuckled. "You should count yourself lucky, she only used a frying pan and her crown. You do NOT want to know what she can do when she gets her hands on an actual weapon."

Bowser rose from his seat. "Now then, despite this hiccup of their engagement, things still appear to be on track. Mario should arrive home, find the letter and be hauling ass back here. The castle should be prepared for his advance and the airships should be ready to go retrieve Peach once again after that." Bowser popped a crick in his neck and cracked his knuckles. "All that's left is to wait for word of his arrival. You did good kids. Go take a rest." The koopalings all got up from their chairs and began to file out.

"Oh, father." Ludwig stopped at the door. "What of our prisoner?"

"Hmm? Oh, Luigi?" Bowser sprung to attention, remembering his promise to Luigi from earlier. "Oh, I've been...keeping him company..." The confused look he got from his eldest son made him backtrack. "I mean like...keeping him in line, you know. Easiest way to do that is to keep him under my thumb."

"Aah, right." Ludwig nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, he's been compliant thus far, so that's good." Bowser scratched behind his head.

"If he's too much for you to handle on top of your other duties, I'd be happy to rough him up in your stead." Ludwig bowed to his father politely.

"N-no! No...I've...got this under control." Bowser nervously talked his son down. "Just go get some rest. I need you kids to be refreshed and raring to go once the next phase kicks in. Besides, you guys earned some free time."

"Well I thank you father and with that I make my leave." Ludwig offered his father one last respectful bow and left to his room.

"Yeeesh..." Bowser huffed out a sigh. "Can't deny they're MY kids, that's for sure..." Bowser smirked with pride for a moment before remembering what happened earlier. "Right..Luigi..." Bowser couldn't seem to get the man out of his mind. He just had to know why...what was eating him...