Scandalous Revelations as Granger Graduates

An exposé by Rita Skeeter

Hello, my loyal readers, I am sure you are all aware that yesterday the class of 1999 graduated from Hogwarts. This was no normal graduation, however. For the first time in Hogwarts history there were both Seventh and Eighth years graduating from the hollowed halls of the school. Despite two-year groups graduating, this year sadly held the smallest graduating class in recent history.

Following the disastrous 1997/1998 school year, a year where many students, Muggleborn's in particular were unable to attend the school, as they were persecuted and hunted by the Death Eaters. A year where those students that were able to attend Hogwarts did so in fear, as they lived under the reign of the Carrow's; malicious Death Eaters who forced children to perform Unforgivable curses upon one another. These curses were used as a form of punishment on their classmates for things students would in previous school years receive detention or a deduction of House Points for. The 1997/1998 school year culminated with the Battle of Hogwarts, a battle that began on the evening of May 1st and finished at daybreak on May 2nd when Half-blood Voldemort (Tom Riddle) was killed by Harry Potter aged seventeen. During the twelve-hour battle ninety-eight people lost their lives fighting against Voldemort and his forces. Many of those killed were students who were in their sixth and seventh year at the institute. Professor Minerva McGonagall had ensured the evacuation of all students bellow the age of seventeen prior to the start of the battle. Despite this a number of the casualties were children who returned after the evacuation to help their older classmates and the Order of the Phoenix.

Yesterday's graduation was a sombre affair; taking place in the Hogwarts Great Hall fourteen months after the room was lined with the bodies of the fallen. There should have been 218 graduates; fifty-two from the Eighth-Year class and 166 from the Seventh-Year class, instead there were only twenty-two graduates at yesterday's graduation. The Eighth-year class should have been the smallest graduation, having been conceived during the final year of the First war against Voldemort, while the Seventh years should have been the largest having been conceived after Voldemort's first defeat again at the hands of Harry Potter aged 15 months. As a result of the second war the combined graduation of both year groups is believed to be the smallest in at least the last century. A tragedy really, of the 218 students from the two-year groups; 125 were victims of this most recent war and of the remaining ninety-three students, seventy-one chose not to return to Hogwarts when it reopened in September, choosing to complete their studies abroad, at home or else choosing to forgo formal qualifications and seek employment opportunities.

There was a chill in the air; a taint on the celebrations despite July the 2nd been a warm summers day. The four house tables had been removed for the celebration, replaced by lines of chairs for the families of the twenty-two graduates. The ghosts of Hogwarts floated at the back of the Great Hall, sadly I can confirm the presence of nine new ghosts within the castle, all students who died at the Final Battle. It was haunting seeing them watch their classmates graduate when they will never get such an opportunity. It was hard on many of the survivors to see these new ghosts; war hero and Auror Ronald Weasley was noticeably distressed at the apparition of his ex-girlfriend Lavender Brown, a blonde witch who was killed by Fenrir Greyback during the Battle of Hogwarts.

Despite the sadness each of the graduates accepted their diplomas with grace and the small crowed gathered to witness the celebration offered a large round of applause to everyone. Our favourite heroine Hermione Granger was one of the graduates at yesterday's assembly; known for both her beauty and brains, following the war, Hermione made the decision to return to school and complete her education. Hermione was the only member of the Golden Trio to return to the school as Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley both chose to join the struggling Auror Department and put their practical experience to work hunting down the remaining Death Eaters. Hermione graduated with eleven Outstanding's in her NEWT's, there is no doubt that she will have many opportunities with such great grades. Whatever career she decides on, she will succeed in.

Now I promised you scandals yet so far all I have spoke of is a sad graduation and an overachieving war hero. The true scandals of the day were revealed at a party thrown by Harry Potter for the Graduating class. Now I did not receive an invitation to the party but that didn't stop me from attending. Hidden in plain sight I was able to observe all the events as they unfolded. The first part of the party was boring; Molly Weasley had prepared a buffet, and everyone spoke of how proud they were, congratulating each of the graduates. Soon however each of the older adults took their leave allowing those under the age of twenty-five to celebrate on their own.

We've all been teenagers once have we not, despite been hero's our Golden Trio are still young. It's only fair that on a night of celebration, they drop the weight off their shoulders and partake in some youthful activities. Last night in Harry Potter's newly renovated house; that was formerly owned by the House of Black, our young heroes dropped their masks and acted their ages. With alcohol, giggleweed, music, muggle games and Veritaserum scandalous secrets were revealed that had even my jaw on the floor my dear readers. I'm talking Ménage à Trois, Death Eater Romances and so much more.

The games started off with innocent questions been asked such as who a persons first kiss was but soon delved into the realm of sinful debauchery. I'm sure you are curious of whose lips first locked whose however so I will share with you this information. Harry Potter's first kiss was Cho Chang his first girlfriend, Ron Weasley's first kiss was Lavender Brown and Hermione Granger's first kiss was Draco Malfoy. That's right our Heroine first locked lips with former Death Eater Draco Malfoy. Graduate Draco Malfoy admitted that it was his first kiss too, the pair had apparently been caught under enchanted mistletoe after the Yule Ball their Fourth Year. War hero's Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom's first kiss was with each other, while youngest Weasley Ginny first locked lips with Slytherin Blaise Zabini. I will not bore you with everyone else's first kiss, lets move on to juicier information, who took who's virginity.

Scandalous my older more traditional readers will be thinking, after all many wizarding families still hold antiquated beliefs that sex shouldn't happened until after marriage. Let's not kid ourselves though folks, of course they are having sex, locked away in a chilly castle for ten months out of the year, I doubt anyone leaves Hogwarts as a blushing virgin. Certainly, none of those in attendance last night are still pure. Harry Potter lost his virginity to ex-girlfriend Ginny Weasley, while Ginny lost hers to fellow Gryffindor Dean Thomas. Ronald Weasley lost his virginity to Slytherin Daphne Greengrass during the post war celebrations while our golden girl Hermione Granger also lost her Virginity to Slytherin, Theodore Nott. The pair had been assigned a project together during their sixth year which resulted in steamy sex in the Restricted Section of the Hogwarts Library. Our Bad boy Draco on the other hand lost his virginity to fellow Slytherin Pansy Parkinson.

Perhaps not shocking for those of you who know he is handsome heart throb, but Draco Malfoy has had sex with twelve of the people who attended last night's party; what is shocking however is that these incudes two thirds of the Golden Trio. Sexual fluidity is much more acknowledged in this new generation. Draco Malfoy has no issue with the world knowing that he is Bisexual. Which two members of our trio have taken a ride on his wand you may find yourself asking, lucky for you I have the answer: Hermione Granger and Harry Potter of course? Having shared a first kiss together it was only natural that Draco and Hermione would fall into bed together one day. More surprising is the sexual escapades of Harry and Draco as Harry had never given any indication that he swung that way. I must digress that upon further reflection; the sexual tension between the pair has been palpable for years. You're probably wondering if this was the Ménage à Trois I spoke of earlier; regretfully readers it is not, however one of the participants was golden girl Hermione Granger.

Did you know that war Hero Hermione Granger once had a threesome with Fred and George Weasley? This secret was revealed during a game of Never have I ever. The Weasley Twins smirked at our heroine across the circle they were gathered in and declared that they'd 'have a repeat performance any day,' our heroine returned the smirk with a purred 'likewise.'

You'd think that a threesome would be the most scandalous reservation of the night but my dear readers it was not. Ronald Weasley has gotten two witches pregnant; a revelation that he blurted out amidst drunken tears. Susan Bones and Parvati Patel are both expecting Weasley's babies in the coming months. If you are a loyal reader, I'm sure you are aware of Ron's drunken romps with any girl who will have him. It's no surprise that he's forgotten to cast the contraceptive charm on more than one occasion. Let's hope there aren't more witches expecting his children out there.

The final revelations that I shall make this evening is that Harry Potter took it upon himself to drunkenly officiate weddings last night. The drunken hero gave an impassioned speech about love conquering all and how there should be more love in the world. The drunken and in some cases high partygoers readily agreed to this assessment. Harry who has only witnessed one wizarding wedding before used a book from the Black Library to perform the marriage rite on those in attendance. I can confirm the marriages of; Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley and Blaise Zabini, George Weasley and Angelina Johnson, Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan as well as Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood.

Let's offer our graduating class and their friends congratulations on their diplomas, nuptials, and future children. Remember my dear readers that here in the Wizarding World we consider the vows of marriage to be sacred, with no way for annulment or divorce other than the death of a spouse. Hopefully, they will be happy in their hasty marriages. They certainly looked happy when I left this morning, leaving behind a drunken orgy. The younger Generation sure do know how to party, it reminded me of the Muggleborn's of the sixties and the concept of swinging; perhaps it was just the Giggleweed though, most of the partygoers were smoking it, and the fumes alone made me feel lightheaded and high.