"Happy birthday dear Lila Rae, happy birthday to you."
The chorus of birthday salutations reverberated from the den of the Quartermaine mansion and Lila Rae blew out sixteen candles atop an extravagant three-layered cake. As the family burst into applause and started to holler their individual requests for the size of their slice at Olivia, Monica utilised the moment to escape onto the terrace for a brief reprieve.
She inhaled deeply and basked in the winter sunshine; this was the first time she had been alone all day. After years of desolate silence, her house had somehow become the epicentre of chaos once more. The shape of the Quartermaine family had moulded into its most unpredictable form yet, but it didn't matter so much that they weren't all her family by blood - in fact, with the exception of Michael and Wiley, none of them were - she was thankful for the noise. Still, it overwhelmed her every now and then. There were days when she returned from a shift at the hospital and wondered whose voices she could hear from the foyer, or moments when Willow's mere entrance into a room would strike fear in her heart simply because she failed to remember how many people lived under her roof these days.
Yet, in spite of her joy, there was always an innate sadness for the absence of the ones she had loved and lost. Their voices were silent in the inevitable family quarrels; A.J. with his eternal wit, Alan's opinionated comments which boomed so loud that they shook the rafters above and Emily, always the advocate of fairness. All three souls were ripped away from her far too prematurely without reason.
The memories and the injustice of their deaths provoked an inevitable tearfulness. "Monica," Jason cautiously approached her with an instantaneous display of concern.
His arrival - one she had been hesitant to hope for since Sam, Danny and Scout had already arrived with a birthday gift for Lila Rae on his behalf - accelerated the tidal wave of emotion. Monica violently shook her head and choked on her plea for a discrete exit. "Please, I - - I don't want them to see -"
Jason followed her line of vision into the den where the family convened in celebration and any one of them were within earshot of their conversation. "Here," he escorted Monica to the privacy of a solid oak bench positioned in the depths of Lila's rose garden.
"Thank you," she battled to compose herself with a series of deep, shaky breaths. "I'm fine, really - - I'm," Monica wilted beneath his dubious expression. "I'm fine."
"You don't seem fine."
Monica rolled her eyes to the heavens above. I'm fine was a perfectly-wrapped-up-pretty-little-bow-on-top-Monica-Quartermaine-esque kind of answer and she almost exclusively used it when she most definitely wasn't. "Jason, I'm fine," she insisted in a firm, if raspy voice. "I just had one of those moments, that's all."
"You miss Alan?"
"Alan, A.J., Emily - - Oscar," her voice hitched on the name of Drew's son, his death still so raw. Monica sniffed back the threat of more tears. "Alan would have loved today." Jason squeezed her hand and Monica softly exhaled, "He was destined to become a father. He had the warmest heart." A bittersweet smile settled across her lips, "You know, I never really dreamed I would have a family of my own. I was an orphan - - I'll bet you never knew that, did you?"
Jason's surprise was evident on his face. "No, I didn't." The revelation only compounded the respect he had for the woman he had finally learnt to love as his mother. She had endured more hardship in her lifetime than anyone he had ever known and certainly more than she deserved.
"There was a time when I accepted that I would always be - - alone." Monica nonchalantly confessed with a shrug of her shoulders. "When I married Alan, his whole family became mine and I was overwhelmed, to say the least." Mother and son shared small, empathetic smiles. "Then, we lost you and A.J. - - this house became quieter and quieter," she bowed her head in sadness at the astounding amount of loss the Quartermaine family had suffered. "Now, all of a sudden, Drew's here, Skye… and you came back to us, and I'm so thankful for each and every one of those beautiful grandchildren. But sometimes," Monica wavered, "Sometimes, I think Alan should be the one here and not me."
"No, no," Jason rushed to oppose the sentiment. "You're the heart of this family. We love you," his blue eyes shone with adoration and it was one of those rare moments that Jason Quartermaine reappeared.
Somewhat placated, if not unconvinced, Monica cupped his cheek in her hand, "I love you too."
