A/N: Trigger warning for some heavily implied dialogue after the eleventh line break. The actions don't get descriptive, but the dialogue felt hard to write.
The funeral is sad.
This is the kind of statement that someone would read, go "pfft," followed by a "well, no shit." But it is sad. There's no other word to describe it other than sad. The sky is painted with purple gloom the day of, raindrops pelting the earth angrily, drizzling as the coffin gets wheeled inside of the church. And Popuri sobs, with Claire, Ann, and Karen next to her. Gray swallows as Rick just stares at his little sister, silent and speechless.
Because the regret that they're feeling is just as powerful as the words that they cannot bring themselves to say.
But something like this needs to be told from the beginning. Start to finish.
No bullshit.
"Are you coming to the fireworks festival, Kai?" Claire had asked, standing behind the grill that he was manning. He really had no care for his cooking anymore; it was just turning to shit, much like his social game and emotional stability. But, he'd been getting better with the tears. Gray said he was indifferent to him leaving, though the hurt in his voice was clearly apparent. Claire herself was still in a state of shock about it all. He had no choice but to keep himself busy with the lease of the Snack-Shack until the end of the summer; his heart wasn't into it, and therefore, neither was he.
"I dunno. Probably not," Kai muttered, dragging his scraper across the grill in an effort to clean the blackened, charcoal dust off of the hardened bristles.
Karen threw her hands up in exasperation. "Ugh, well who the hell am I gonna make fun of now?"
"There's always Ann," suggested Gray. "Don't you love making fun of her?"
"I love getting laid," Karen said, thoughtfully pondering for a moment. "Although, I'd reckon my parents get more action than I do lately."
"Ewww, so gross, Kare!" Claire exclaimed, making a wretched face. She reached for the sesame seeded buns in the bar fridge, pulling them out. "Um, these look stale, Kai. Double gross."
"You'd think telling someone 'let's try for a baby' puts the frickin' pedal to the medal. Apparently not." Karen sat back in her seat, filing her nails with an exaggerated eyeroll.
"He's under a lot of stress 'cause him and Pope's dad's coming home," Kai said, shrugging. He kept his gaze on the burning grill in front of him, as Claire worriedly laid out some burger patties. "What're you gonna do?"
"Whoa," muttered Gray. "Did you just… defend Rick?"
"I'm impressed!" Claire added, grinning. She'd been trying to keep positive, but the proposition of him leaving didn't sit well with her. She'd only known him since her first few days in town, but they'd grown close. Watching a once cocky ladies man sob on a couch could do that to a friendship, she guessed. Her expression shifted immediately to a frown. "Kai… you really can't go. Who's going to-?"
"Cry on your sofa? There's always Karen," he said with a forced grin.
Karen looked up from her nail filer sharply. "I only cry during certain episodes of the Gilmore Girls on my period, Kai."
"TMI," said Gray.
"I'm going, guys," Kai said, more firmly than he meant to. "I need to go back to Chicago for a bit, be with my family, clear my head… then see the world. But I might come back next summer."
"Oh, bull," said Gray, tipping the last of his beer can back into his mouth. His long bangs fell into his eyes. "That's total friggin' bull, and you know it."
Claire brushed the fringe out of her face. "Kai, this is insane."
He gave the two of them a once-over. "You both need haircuts, you goddamn hippies. See Manna to get one sooner rather than later."
Gray chose to ignore this, turning his bar stool to Karen. "Why is Rod coming home the biggest cockblock of your married life?" he asked, fiddling with the metal tab of his beer can. He ripped it off, spinning it on the counter. "Like, who the hell cares?"
"Um, hello? There's just a lot of pressure. Rick hasn't seen his dad in forever," said Karen incredulously.
"Join the club," replied Gray. He looked over at the grill. "Are the burgers ready yet? Or…"
"Dads are important," said Karen, placing her filer down in front of her. She inspected the buffing job she'd done on her long nails, nodding in approval.
"Don't be an ass," Claire chided to him.
Gray held up both hands like he was weighing out his options. "Mmm… I'd say no. They aren't important."
Claire narrowed her eyes at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Oh, stop it, Gray. Rod not being here for so long has definitely taken a toll on them. They need their dad back."
He knew that this was obviously her way of saying: quit pretending like your own father's absence doesn't affect you, but he was fine on his own. Not having his dad around meant not having to brace himself for the disappointment of having a drug user for a parent. Plus, seriously, he wasn't about to make another daddy issue comment to Claire, given how much his words crushed her last time… but what the hell did she know about any of this?
"You don't get to just leave and waltz back in, pretending like everything's fucking dandy," he said with a scowl.
Karen frowned. "That's Rick's argument about the whole thing."
"He left to help his wife," Kai said.
"I don't care if his intentions were good. Any kind of absence that goes on for that long is selfish."
Claire rolled her eyes at him. "Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. You're totally impossible."
"Who's impossible?" Trent waltzed in, the chimes above the Snack-Shack entrance clattering loudly. He walked up to Claire, kissing her long and hard. That stale bread was more appetizing than everyone simultaneously watching this exchange transpire. "Hi, you."
"Hey." She smiled, like she was looking at the only guy in the entire world. Kai gave a low-key Italian hand symbol that those European customers at his father's restaurant always used to communicate with, while Gray and Karen stifled a chuckle.
"What were you all talking about?" Trent asked, taking Claire by the waist. This was an evident, telltale sign that he was about to steal her away from them. She just pushed back the bangs out of her eyes again.
"Haircuts," said Kai.
Trent poked Claire's nose. "Not for you, I hope."
She made a face. "So what if it was for me, huh?" A coy smile played on her lips. "You're such a goof, sometimes!"
"I'd never want you to cut your beautiful hair. It makes you, you," he said, shutting his eyes as he kissed her again.
Karen stuck her tongue out, finger down her throat like she was going to puke. Kai laughed broadly.
Trent retreated back, frowning over at him. "I heard that you were leaving, Kian."
Kai pretty much had had enough at this point. There really was no need for pleasantries anymore if he was as good as gone. "Jesus! It's Kai, motherfucker."
Everyone stared blankly at his loud outburst, but Gray was the only one who looked pleased regarding it. Kai shifted his eyes around the room, improv-ing a genuine knee slap. "Kidding! Got ya... huh?" He was the best at charming and getting himself out of tough situations; sure, he was a little rusty, given that he hasn't been appealing for the last season, but it's chill.
Claire shook her head, concealing a smile. "Gonna miss that humour, Kai."
Trent looked very unimpressed throughout the whole ordeal, though. "Gotta jet, everyone. See you later."
"Hey!" exclaimed Karen. She motioned her hands with a wink at the base of her hips. Claire flushed crimson, laughing sheepishly as they exited out the door.
"Um… what was that?"
"The most cringe-worthy bullshit I ever saw," said Gray, craning his neck over at the grill. "The hamburgers are burning, Kai."
"Oh," said Karen. "I got her this purple thong for her birthday, so I used a gesture to see if she was wearing it n-" She stopped herself, groaning. "Holy crap... I have such a huge mouth.
"We know," said Kai.
She noticed Gray squeezing his empty beer can tightly. "Jesus, Gray! Pine any harder, you'll turn into a goddamn frickin' tree." She winked again. "Ugh, how is it possible for me to be this hilarious?"
He groaned. Jesus, why'd she have to go and put that image in his head? A thong sounded seriously sexy on Claire. Over her creamy skin, covering her intimate flesh, wearing just that with a pair of socks… ugh, he had to stop doing this to himself.
"Beer me," Gray muttered, tossing the misshapen, empty can off to the side.
Claire had her fingers spread out on one of the inn tables over a place mat, attempting to delicately paint her nails for the Fireworks Festival. She frowned at the OPI bottle of lavender polish. "'Vio-let's Surf?'" she read. "Who names these?"
Popuri shrugged next to her. "My favourite's 'The Berry Thought of You.'" Her tone was cold though, not at all bubbly like she used to be.
Claire concentrated on not getting the colour on her cuticles, failing miserably. Her hands shook as she sloppily painted each nail bed. She scowled, looking up from her spread out fingers in concern. "Hey, what's wrong? You seem super distant."
"It's nothing." Popuri took notice to her awful paint job. "Karen can do that for you, y'know," she said quietly.
Claire frowned. "What is it, Pope?"
She sucked up a breath. "Why did you and Kai go outside on the night of your birthday?"
"Huh?"
"Well, he pulled you outside, then hugged you… like, what the heck was that all about?"
"Oh," mumbled Claire. "I dunno… um, something about the Snack-Shack… not doing well."
Popuri scoffed. "Please, cut the crap and tell me. You're terrible at lying."
She shook her head. "I can't say anything. I promised."
"Claire!"
"I can't! I crossed my heart that I wouldn't. He'll tell you when you give him a chance to speak."
Popuri immediately regretted these next few words: "Are you leaving Trent for him? I never ever, ever pictured you guys together, but-"
"Excuse me?!" Claire snapped. She set aside the nail polish, unintentionally smearing the still wet colour on the sides of the bottle. She borrowed it from Manna, so she had better find a way to clean that crap off. "My gosh, no! Of course not! I wouldn't just break girl code like that, with your ex. How could you think that of me?"
"I don't," Popuri said all guilty. She stared at her own hands in her lap once again. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings… I'm just not in a good place right now. I miss my dad, I want him home, and I didn't understand… what was even going on around me."
Claire looked away. "It's fine. Don't worry." She paused, tapping her spread out fingers over the place mat. "I think you should go up to Kai though, because it's gotta come out of his mouth. Not mine."
Popuri nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"And… besides the fact that I'd never think of doing that to you, I love Trent."
Popuri fixed her gaze on the expensive necklace that Claire's boyfriend got her, raising her red eyes. "You do?"
She nodded slowly. "I really think that I do."
"I'm a little tied up at the moment, love," said Trent, over the phone to Claire. Jesus Christ, couldn't she just hop off his dick? He'd been seeing a lot of her lately, and still hadn't gotten any.
"What about the Fireworks Festival?" she asked.
A night with all of her friends, watching low explosive pyrotechnics in the sky… yeah, what more could he ever want? There was a reason that he only made a brief appearance at her birthday party – he liked time alone with her, not with those irritable twats that she spent her days with.
"I'll meet you at Mother's Hill. Hopefully I make it on time!"
Trent heard her sigh into the phone, but he instructed himself to play the part. Lying to her was the easiest thing he could do. "Claire, I'm not supposed to talk about this, but there's a medical emergency that I'm in the middle of."
"What?!" she exclaimed. "With who?"
"I can't say," he told her. "I'm just hoping that it all works out."
"Okay, well, good luck. Be safe… I lov-"
"Gotta go," he said, shutting the receiver. He didn't have time for this right now.
Where was Elli? He could always count on her to loosen him up a bit.
It's just too bad he jinxed the entire evening, and everything that followed, with this one phone call.
"Are you coming, Mother?" Popuri asked, clutching Claire by the wrist. "Ann, Cliff, and Doug are already up there."
Lillia shook her head at her daughter. "You go, sweetie. Your father should be here when you get back, don't you worry." Her face broke out into a frown. "I still can't believe you told me that Kai's leaving. Are you-?"
"Fine. I'm totally fine."
And she exited her front door, stomping away with Claire.
"Pope, my arm!" she complained.
"How can he just leave? How can he just up and leave?"
"My circulation!"
"And like, who does he think he is?"
Claire gripped her wrist back, freeing herself. "But… you didn't want him anymore."
"He's just running away from his problems. What a freaking joke."
Karen saw them trudging up Mother's Hill, listening in on this last part of the conversation. "Or maaaybe, he's being realistic. You made it clear you're through, remember?" She narrowed her eyes. "Or, do you not feel strongly about that anymore?"
"Ugh, Karen!"
Rick and Gray followed along behind them, quickly catching up. Rick looped his arm with his wife's. "You're better off without him, Pope," he told her. "These city shooters-"
"Watch it, Rick," Gray warned. "And since when do we go up to Mother's Hill to watch the fireworks?"
"Better view than at the beach," Karen said. "Plus, they won't be so close and ringing in our friggin' ears."
He turned to Claire. "You're alone tonight."
"Trent had an emergency at the office." She frowned, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "I just hope that everything's okay."
"Yeah, I'm sure it's all fine."
Claire was about to come up with a disdainful remark, but the evening was turning out to be so beautiful. The air felt crisp, but still smelt all summery, and the full moon had already set its place in the night sky. She just had this weird feeling that it was going to rain later, though. "Guess you're stuck watching them with me," Claire told him with a grin. Maybe it was okay that Trent was busy dealing with medical crap. Her best friend was going to need her now more than ever with Kai readying his departure.
"I'd rather die," Gray said, adjusting his cap.
"So, that's a no?"
"That's a definite no."
But they sat and watched the fireworks altogether, the two of them beside each other, surrounded by the rest of the group. Her eyes sparkled at the array of colours, because she loved the beauty that fireworks brought. He laughed because of the memories that they conveyed in his mind. Claire told him about the time that her mom topped one of her birthday cakes with sparklers, and Gray explained a prank that he and Kai set off in the seventh grade, using fireworks at a local park, singing a beloved sandbox as well as half of their leg hair. And she pushed him, throwing her head back and laughing. Her face was glowing amidst of bright shots of lithium and magnesium and calcium and potassium elements, and amidst all the bullshit in life, he felt happy to be alive at that moment. He felt alive.
They emerged from the bottom of the hill, where Officer Harris was waiting, standing in his blue uniform and tapping his foot nervously. "Popuri, where's your brother?"
She furrowed her brow, then scoffed. "Him and Karen left early. Go figure."
Ann winked beside her. "Wonder what that means."
Harris said nothing. He just pressed his lips in a tight line, frowning, looking like he was trying very hard not to break down in front of the group.
"Um, is everything okay?" Claire asked.
Harris swallowed. "I need you to come with me, Popuri."
"What? Why?"
And that is when the three-day rain began.
It happened like this: Rod felt a pain in his side for the last couple of days. But he was determined to get home. And he got home, docked his boat to shore, ignoring the sharp discomfort on the right side of his lower abdomen. It felt like it was getting worse. He was done with using excuses, though: he had to see his kids, his wife, his town… had to make up for all of the lost time. He missed his own son's wedding, missed the flicker of his wife's eyes, missed seeing Popuri grow up. His absence was in vain, because he didn't even find the cure for Lillia's illness that he was looking for.
The atmosphere felt thick, and his clothes began to constrict him. His stomach felt the heaviest. He swayed as he docked his boat to shore, the world all dizzy, collapsing against the sea.
Before his eyes closed peacefully, a man in a purple bandana ran over to him, shouting for help, and the world went eerily dark. It was almost serene in a way... like a sweet dream.
His life didn't flash before his eyes. What life? There was so much that he lacked, so much that he didn't get to do, so much that he missed.
So much that he never got the chance to actually live out.
Guess there was a medical emergency after all: an appendicitis.
A goddamn appendicitis. That's how Rod died? By his appendix rupturing, by toxins enveloping his entire body? By something so easily preventable? Trent could perform an appendix removal in his sleep; it wasn't that complicated. And yet, this man didn't go with that option. He was on the boat for days, maybe weeks, likely ignoring the pain, given that it wasn't treated. The venom of his own body part enveloped every blood cell, overcame him, caused bacteria in the blood, elicited a septic shock... a form of sudden death. Trent never had any goddamn sympathy for this kind of bullshit. For smokers who started coughing up blood: well, why didn't you just put the pack of cigs down? For heart disease patients: well, why didn't you just eat a little healthier? For people experiencing a plethora of bad headaches: well… that one… er, um… why didn't you… why couldn't you just have noticed it all sooner?!
He didn't have sympathy for a soul on this earth. Or, for the souls who left this earth. He was a cold son of a bitch. You're not supposed to be that kind of a doctor, but in essence, he was very much that.
He and Elli stood over the lifeless body on their surgical table, bloodied scalpels and gauze scattered about on the desk near them. Rod was already gone by the time the blacksmith's right-hand man and the shipment deliverer brought him in. Elli had choked back a sob, feeling for a pulse, a twitch, something, anything. He had told her to give up, because it was over. Trent just listed the time of death, leaving her alone with Rod on the cold table.
"I'll call Hardy," Elli said, reaching for the phone.
He slammed the receiver away from her. "Don't you fucking dare, Elli."
She paled. Zack and Kai returned with Lillia, Rick, and Karen in tow. Rod's wife trembled as she tentatively reached for her late husband's hand, weeping; her son and daughter-in-law stood beside her sombrely. Elli knew what it was like to lose a parent… she couldn't imagine losing a spouse, or a sibling, or a child-
Popuri burst in fifteen minutes later, and the worst part was soon to be unveiled. She ran toward her father and dropped down on her knees, gripping his lifeless arm, sobbing, and sobbing, and sobbing some more. The sound was painful. Trent just explained in his clinical voice at how sorry he was, asked if they wanted some privacy, watched as her face morphed into the most apparent of distress. Lillia grew more silent, and Rick just kept his hand on her shoulder as Popuri bawled inconsolably. Karen left her husband's side to sit next to her sister-in-law, staring at Rod's cadaver while blinking back tears.
Elli fought the urge to cry in front of this broken family, as she and Trent explained to them how it must have all transpired: how his appendix rupture likely went undetected for days, how deadly they could be (even though Karen already knew their severities, as she had experienced one herself), how long it takes for the toxins to end an individual's life. And then, Elli knelt beside Popuri, holding her and telling her how truly sorry she was... Sorry for not being able to do much of anything. She felt like a complete failure.
She'd never been able to do, or stop, anything from occurring in her life. The world rotated on its axis, directed Elli as to what was going to happen, and she just lived by reacting to it. She accepted every other change and action around her, as though she had zero power to change it at all. There was one thing she vehemently opposed herself to, because she knew that it was something she could never, ever want... but even trying to stop this didn't work. It had to keep continuing, or else everything would just crumble to bits around her.
They had to get this finished and dealt with; the way that Trent saw it, Rod's body was just laying there and doing no good for anyone. He tried pulling the pink-haired girl away from the body, because there wasn't any point to someone holding on to dead flesh, but she blindly backhanded his mouth, screaming to get him off of her. He retreated back, reaching for his bloodied lip. In that moment, he really just wanted to hit her back… but she probably didn't know what she was doing… other people were present… he couldn't risk doing that. The room was starting to feel far too small for him.
Trent emerged out of the clinic with his bloodied gloves, heaving a breath of fresh air in the rainy, nighttime atmosphere, and there was the waitress, the blacksmith, and his Claire standing before him. She worriedly threw her arms around him, clinging as she mumbled out a million "sorry's," while the other two just stared at him with hateful eyes.
"It isn't your fault," Claire told him, for the hundredth time. "You can't blame yourself."
Trent said nothing. He stared at her television in front of him blankly. The mutt didn't even come near him that night.
He wanted a drink. He required a goddamn drink. "Do you have any wine?"
She stopped, reluctantly nodding. He gifted her with an expensive bottle for her birthday, along with that necklace that cost him a fortune, and he still wasn't getting any? Such a load of bullshit.
She offered to pour him a glass from it, but he took a swig straight out of the bottle instead.
"Does that help?" Claire asked worriedly.
He nodded, staring at the T.V. in utter silence.
"Trent."
Shut up.
"Trent?"
Stop saying that.
"Trent!"
"WHAT?!"
She stared at him. "There's nothing more you could have done… I heard that appendix ruptures happen all the time."
"Oh, you heard?" he snapped, taking another swig. "You and your extensive medical knowledge heard?"
Claire's eyes shimmered with pain, but she attempted to conceal this. "I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I'm only trying to let you know that none of this is on you."
"Do you… really believe that?" Trent slurred. Swig. Swig. He kept drinking. "Do you… really?"
"Of course I do. You're a good doctor."
Ha.
"That blacksmith didn't put some other shit into your head?"
She furrowed her brow and shit, he needed to stop talking. "What?"
"Nothin'."
"I know how hard this must be for you… to lose a patient. But I think-"
"You think what? You're not a doctor… you didn't try to save someone without a fucking pulse."
Claire swallowed and it's because he was right, obviously. He was always right. "I know I didn't."
"You're just a farmer."
She turned away from him, tugging at the ends of her hair while biting her cheek. "You're drunk… you don't mean any of this."
Trent reached forward to hug Claire, drawing her in close to try and get himself out of this trouble that he'd created. You keep talking like that, and even someone as stupid as her will learn the truth.
She shook her head, masking the hurt from her face. "Come with me to the funeral mass tomorrow."
"I can't."
"Can't or won't? No one's blaming you, but maybe it'll help you to find-"
"Both."
"Huh?"
"Can't or won't. I say both." He took another long swig, clutching the wine bottle in his delicate hands. "You'd never understand."
"... Where are you going?" Trent asked. Elli wasn't wearing her nurse's outfit; instead, he saw her figure in a black dress that she was clad in. Her body was tall, well-proportioned, and beautiful, not an ounce of a scar to be seen. It was a wonder that she still had a body like that… given everything.
"To the mass. Rod knew my mother," she said softly.
They were at the clinic, finalizing the medical report regarding Rod's death. Everything was eerily quiet, so he just smashed the door shut in front of her, a booming noise erupting the room. He almost laughed.
"You're drunk, Trent," she muttered.
"What'd you call me?"
"You're drunk… Doctor." Her brown eyes pleaded with him. "I have to go."
"You're a part of this mess with me."
"What mess? God, don't accept that kind of blame. Rod was already dead when he got here... we did nothing wrong! Hardy said if we're going through hell, he can-"
"NO!" Trent snapped. "Hardy is NOT to come here. I made that PERFECTLY clear to you, Elli. Does your idiotic head not fucking get it?"
"Don't speak to me like that," she whispered.
"What did you say?"
Elli shook her head, pieces of her short hair falling into her eyes. Why did her hair have to be so cropped? Why couldn't it be long, to her waist, and light in colour like Claire's? "He's worried about you. He hasn't seen you at all, since you came here."
"I said-"
"Okay. Well, I'm leaving now, Doctor." She tried turning the knob once again, but his arm pressed against the hardwood of the door, slamming it effectively.
"Elli, now," he demanded.
"What?"
"Come here now." He grabbed both of her wrists.
"Don't do this. Let go of me," she said desperately. "I need to pay my respects at mass."
"You can't."
"Trent… Doctor, no. I need to go right now." Elli wiggled her wrists to break free, but he kept his grip firm on her.
"What'd I say would happen if you said no, hmm?"
She didn't answer, so he just released one wrist to pull on the back of her head, bringing her face to his. "HMM?"
"You're intoxicated," Elli snapped, attempting to still break free. The alcohol was apparent on his breath. "Let go of me. You're wasted."
Trent shook his head. "Elli, I said now."
"Trent-"
"Lock the door."
"Stop it. Stop it right now."
"I'll fucking blacklist you from this goddamn clinic, Elli. I'll tell everyone your dirty secret. Everything, I don't give a shit."
She bit back a sob. "You fucking monster. Just, let me-"
Trent grabbed her even more forcefully. "Now, Elli."
He released his tight grip sharply. With trembling hands and tears streaming down her face, Elli clenched a fist over her mouth to stifle her cries, giving in to what he wanted.
Trent was always the one in control here; he'd like to make that perfectly clear to her... to everyone.
Popuri is hysterical, and Rick remains miserably staring forward. Lillia stays silent throughout the whole thing in the front row of pews, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes with some tissues.
Karen was going to do the reading, but she needed to stay beside Rick during the mass, because without her there, he'd surely crumble. Ann had no desire to do so, so she asked Claire to take her place. Although it felt wrong, given that she didn't know Rod, she agreed nonetheless.
Carter couldn't have picked a more heart-breaking passage if he tried. After he's delivered most of the sermon about Rod's life, talking about his love for things like ice cream, football, and chicken farming, she gets up on the altar next to him with tremoring hands. This shaking is a mixture of understanding the pain that this family is facing, and not understanding all at the same time.
"The response is Lord, hear our prayer." Her lower lip quivers. "A reading from the book of John. Glory to you, Oh Lord." She makes a cross over her forehead, lips, and chest, watching as Gray and Saibara repeat the action in the second row of pews, the entire town doing the same as well. Even Kai does it, despite mostly practicing Judaism. "'Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice… and… and no one will take your joy… will take your joy away from you…'"
"That was a nice reading," Gray tells her quietly. Claire stands beside him, watching the coffin get wheeled out through the back of the church. The cemetery is off to the side at the bottom of Mother's Hill… a mountain that they took for granted two nights prior. She says nothing, and he frowns. "Talk to me, Claire."
"This is why fathers are important," she finally says slowly. Her eyes are glued to the casket, where a dead man will spend the rest of eternity in, decaying and becoming one with the earth as each day passes. "You gotta take it from someone who doesn't have one, Gray. They leave behind a pain, an empty feeling in your heart… a legacy you never get to fulfill." And she points with quaking hands to Rick, Popuri, and Lillia, huddling with tears as the rain starts pelting harder. The burial is next and... holy cow, watching dirt get thrown over the coffin as it lowers six feet under the ground will probably be an even harder thing to witness than just the wake itself. Gray squeezes her trembling hand distraughtly. "There's a hole, an emptiness that moms just can't fill, because that certain spot in your heart is specifically for a father. And it's just one big 'Cat's in the Cradle' prime example of how lost time can't be regained, how lonely and eternal the whole thing is... and it's just so freaking scary. You... you miss out-"
Claire shakes her head, feeling him hold onto her tight. "Please, forgive your dad, Gray," she whispers. Has he even heard her? "Please, please, please. I don't want to see this kind of unresolved pain happen to you and your family."
And Saibara listens to these words, forcing himself to turn away, because in his eighty-one years of life, no one's ever seen him cry. These statements hit hard; they apply to his lost wife, to his rehabilitated son, to his dead daughter-in-law all the same. And maybe his inability to show this kind of emotion is where his own injustices lie as a father.
"Hey," Kai says, seating himself down next to Popuri. She sits by the beach, knees brought in to her chest as she stares out at the crashing waves before her. It's dark now, but the rain doesn't let up. The sky is merely drizzling, and she's gotten all sandy, but she doesn't care. It doesn't matter that she's ruining her dress, or getting dirty, or going to likely become sick from all of this... because in the grand scheme of things, who gives a shit about any of that?
"Hi."
"That was a nice service."
"Ah-huh. I hated the burial, though."
"… I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye," he murmurs.
She lets out a breathless, humourless, joyless laugh. And she's experiencing all of those feelings right now, too. "I can't believe you were the one with him when he died."
"I'm sorry," is all Kai can manage to say again.
Popuri shakes her head. "I'm happy that it was you there. I'm happy he wasn't totally alone."
"He sure looks a lot like Rick," says Kai.
"Yeah… he really does... well, did, sorry." She lets out another noise, but this isn't a laugh. It's a sob. "My brother yelled at me this morning… said I needed to stop being sad over someone who was never there for me. And my mom snapped, but does he just want me to stay angry instead? Be forever bitter like him? Is that it?"
"He's wrong. You got a right to feel whatever you're feeling right now. No one's allowed to tell you otherwise."
Popuri gingerly lays her head on his shoulder. She's soaked, like a stray cat left out in the unforgiving weather for too long. "I just wish that this wasn't the way I was remembering my dad."
"I know." Tentatively, Kai takes her hand in his, tracing his thumb over her fingers. She turns her head to look at him in surprise, as though she's just now remembering who it is beside her, before pulling his face toward her own, kissing him deeply as the tears roll down her cheeks. Or, maybe it's just raindrops. Who knows?
He goes all wide-eyed, but quickly kisses her back, missing this feeling more than he can even describe. It's almost torturous to have her retreating away as quickly as she found herself drawn toward him.
"Pope-"
"I don't know what to do anymore," she weeps.
He holds her close, hugging her and pressing his lips against the top of her pink head. "I don't have to leave."
"What?"
"I can stay here if you want… I can do whatever you want me to do."
"You can't do that for me." Popuri begins crying some more, burying her head in her hands. "I'm so sorry for everything I said to you… for the bullshit I put you through this season. It wasn't all on you, and I shouldn't have blamed-"
"Pope."
"I just can't-"
"Listen," says Kai gently. "Did you know… did you know I got a sister who passed away?"
"No," she whispers. "I didn't... I didn't know that."
"She suffocated with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. I dunno if she even... took a breath outta this world." He shakes his head. "In my mom's mind, she wanted to escape. Like, distract herself… visit the church that she grew up in in Ethiopia, spend time with her family there. But my father… well, in Jewish tradition, you're not really supposed to do much of anything when you mourn. You don't shave, or cut your hair, or attend festivals, or book a trip, or… I mean, in a way, you're almost forced to confront the sadness head on, because there's not much else to really distract yourself with. So, apparently, both of my parents were torn on what they wanted to do… how they wanted to cope."
"Which method worked?" Popuri asks quietly.
"I dunno what they went with. This was before my older brother was even born." Kai gazes at her. "I… we… I mean, you can do whatever you want. Any way to grieve is the right way." He rubs her skin. "And I'll stay with you through it... if you'll have me around."
She looks up at him as he wipes the tears from her eyes, and they hesitantly kiss again.
"I love you," Kai tells her. "And I'll forever love you. I'm so sorry, Popuri, for everything. I never-"
"I'm sorry for pushing you away. I shouldn't have... because you were always the only thing that I wanted. Every time." She presses her lips against his over and over, the feeling foreign but right, in every kind of way. "I love you, Kai."
"What do you wanna do?" he asks.
"I can't be here," she mumbles against his face. "Take me away. Take me with you. Please."
Popuri returns home, drenched from the rain, freezing, and without any kind of a plan. Well, she's got an idea, but not a set plan. Will Zack be able to even bring them in his boat? He was just as inconsolable as she was during the funeral... she has to remind herself that he'd also lost his best friend during this whole process.
She stares at the chicken coop, which her mother has quietly entered. Hopping the fence, she steps into the structured barn with her, bracing herself for a difficult goodbye.
"New life," Lillia says, gently patting a baby chick's feathers. She turns to address her daughter's presence with a frown. "I saw you talking to Kai."
"Mother-"
"You want to go with him, don't you?" Lillia hands her the chick, its soft yellow feathers tickling her skin. Popuri bites her lip to keep from crying again, stroking the baby bird carefully.
"I don't want to upset Rick… and I don't want to leave you, but-"
Lillia nods. "I think that you should go."
"What?"
"I'll be fine, sweetie. I've been grieving your father's loss… since he left years ago. I know this one is permanent… but it really doesn't feel like much of anything has changed." Her mother pauses. "I know what you and Kai have been through."
"What?!" Popuri repeats, more loudly. She really didn't expect a conversation like this to transpire on the day of her father's funeral.
Lillia seats herself on the bench in their coop, shaking her head. "Kai does snore quite loudly, so the night of Ricky's wedding… I heard him in your room, Popuri. And I saw the box of emergency contraception that you threw out."
"Mother," says Popuri worriedly. "I'm not-"
"I know you're not pregnant. I'm just saying that I knew about this all along. Mothers just... know." She motions for her to sit beside her. "What I didn't understand was your reasoning behind pushing Kai away."
"'Cause I didn't have one," she murmurs. "I was being ridiculous."
"I knew that you still loved him." Lillia smooths out her daughter's wet hair. "And I love him, too. He's good for you."
"Rick doesn't, though. He'll never let me go with him."
"That's not up for him to decide. He isn't the parent, even though he'd like to think that he is." Lillia's tender, hazel eyes begin to soften. "Your father would have wanted this. And I want it for you, too." She strokes her cheek, kissing it. "I love you very much, Popuri. You need to see the word, experience it for yourself... be happy."
She places the baby chick down next to its hen mother, hugging her own mother tightly, crying into her shoulder. "I love you, too."
"I'll help you get ready. Just promise to visit." She smiles sadly. "And it's not goodbye; it's see you later."
"Tonight? You're leaving tonight?" Claire doesn't hide the apparent shock from her voice. She and Ann have brought over a lasagna that they made for Popuri's family, expecting to return home with the empty tray; not with news like this. Gray is with Kai back at the inn, likely learning about this newfound information as well. Karen thankfully keeps Rick busy, away from their home.
Popuri nods. "I just need some help packing."
"Pope," Ann says softly. "Is this a good-"
"I know that you think this is irrational, and maybe it is, but I need to do this." Popuri stops stuffing clothes into her luggage, rising to hug her childhood friend gratefully. She fights back the hot tears burning under her eyelids. "I've waited most of my life for my dad to come home… and it was all for nothing. I didn't even get to see him alive when he came back. I stayed here, ready for a long overdue reunion... and for what?" She turns to Claire, hugging her as well. "I love you both. I hope that you can understand."
The funny thing is, this is the most that Claire has ever connected with an idea in her whole life. She understands, because she felt the same way when she left for Mineral Town. Remaining in Boston was too painful, and staying in the convent made her question what she was even living for. The move helped her feel so alive and free, got her to meet all of these amazing people... provided her with her own form of happiness that she curated herself.
So, she gets it. How could she ever not?
"Love you too, chicky," Claire says softly. "Write to us, okay? I'm seriously missing you already."
And Popuri stares at the two of them, smiling grandly. "Thank you." Her eyebrows draw in close, face contorting with worry, like she's afraid that her brother will burst into the room amidst her packing panic at any given moment.
"Don't worry," Ann assures her. "We'll figure out how to calm Rick down when he finds all of this out. And if we can't... I bet Karen will."
"I really hope so," Popuri says, packing the last of her garments. Her fingers close her luggage with one final zip.
A/N: This was a sad chapter. I'm sorry :'( I've had this planned since the beginning... I much preferred writing the previous chapter though, don't get me wrong. But I decided to take on a different approach to this one, used past tense switched to present and took on more of a third person omniscient POV in some instances. Let me know what you thought of it in the end :)
