Originally written as an attempt for "street art" prompt on Ao3 with users hellsheep and Nat_Why.
Mind you, this text is not serious. I just like writing parodies.
"Ker?"
"Yeah?"
"What if this world isn't real?"
Kerry choked on the peanut he was just munching. He started coughing so much he had to thump his own chest a few times.
"Seriously," gasped Kerry, when he could breathe again.
"You never thought about that?" asked V, genuinely surprised.
"Not even once. You're already smashed, man. No mo' booze for ya today."
In any other case that would make absolute sense. From the two of them, it was Kerry who could start the evening with a glass or two of whiskey, then move to a few sweet cocktails, finally wash it all down with vodka and wake up the next day as if nothing happened. V, on the other hand, had never been a heavy drinker. He usually needed two or three beers to get tipsy and have strange ideas like the one a few weeks ago, when drank too much and asked Kerry to teach him how to play the guitar.
The problem was, V didn't seem to be that drunk.
"No, no, just hear me out," started V, suddenly excited. "There's a graffiti next to my apartment's door, you know?"
"So? Some fucker painted a big dick on the wall 'round my house. Beat that."
V chuckled.
"Well, at least mine's dope. It's a picture of a wandering man, along with a dog."
Kerry took a sip of his beer. Truth be told, he wasn't very interested in V's story. He was sure the guy was loaded at least a bit and started babbling about some irrelevant stuff, as it had already happened a few times. Kerry sighed in his mind and looked around casually.
The Dark Matter rooftop was busy at that time of evening, so they took the furthest table in the corner on the lower level, hidden behind flower pots and a wooden dividing screen. It was so cleverly located that Kerry could observe the place while staying unconspicuous. People were drinking and talking, just like always here. A muscular guy at the bar level was arguing loudly with the waiter that the drink he got was too warm. A group of women next to their table was exchanging the newest gossip, giggling from time to time. A couple on the stairs was so occupied with each other that Kerry was almost sure they would be asked to leave soon.
And then he noticed a young woman near the railing in the distance, standing up and spreading her arms out, so her body looked like a big letter T. She wasn't moving, only staring at the city, but she seemed to be really out of place. What was even stranger, nobody paid attention to her pose, as if everything was perfectly allright. Kerry concluded that maybe it was some new fashion, who knew. The news from the world were always reaching him with a little delay.
He took a deep breath and glanced at V, who apparently was waiting for some reaction.
"Preeeeem. And what about that?" asked Kerry reluctantly.
"The graffiti's moving from time to time."
Kerry raised his eyebrows.
"It dances or what?"
V smirked and reeled back on the golden sofa. He seemed content that he finally managed to catch Kerry's attention.
"It twitches. As if it was digital. Ever been in the cyberspace?"
"Hell no!" Kerry shook his head. "Hate all those mock-ups like BDs. Real life's fucked up enough."
"Well, I have." V seemed lost in thoughts for a moment. "Textures there are constantly in motion. Just like the graffiti."
Kerry spread his hands helplessly and shook his head.
"Okay, say I were to believe you," he sighed. "Why d'ya think it proves the world isn't real?"
"Ah…" V scratched his head in embarrassment. "I watched an old movie. Don't remember the title, but it was about the war between people and AI… The machines were using humans as batteries and created a digital, fake world for them, to hide the real one, barren and empty. Something like BDs. And then I thought about the graffiti… and it all suddenly made sense."
"V, listen to me carefully," started Kerry and leaned in. "Movies're work of fiction. Just like songs. Doesn't mean, I don't know… that soldiers go to fuckin' church, just because I wrote Warrior's Prayer. Get it?"
For a moment V was looking down at Kerry disapprovingly. It was more than obvious he didn't like that last remark, but what was he expecting? He started talking nonsense out of the blue and, to make things even worse, he based that on an ancient movie. What was wrong with that guy, seriously…
"See you're quite sure 'bout that," snapped V. "What if I told you I've got more proofs? Something weird is going on, Ker."
"Yeah?" Kerry smirked and drank his beer down. "Like what?"
"Like I was at Misty's a few days ago and she insisted on doing some tarot reading. Not that I believe it… but I couldn't say no to her."
"Aaand?"
"She started laying out the cards on the table… But the moment Misty drew them from the deck, they were disappearing in her hands."
"Lemme guess," interrupted Kerry, still smiling ironically. "You asked her about that and she was like: what the fuck, V, the cards are there," he finished in a thin voice.
V rolled his eyes.
"Okay, okay, I get it," he grumbled, clearly annoyed. "You think I'm pullin' your leg."
"Well, can't say I believe these revelations. Livin' for too long to not know that booze is the best for any doubts about the world." Kerry raised his head. "Oh, fina-fuckin'-ally! I'm starvin'!"
A waitress appeared next to the table, with the food they ordered some time ago. The girl put two plates with identical, tasty looking hamburgers on the table, alongside with another bowl of salted peanuts.
"Anything else, Mr. Eurodyne?" she asked, while cleaning the table.
"Be a dear and bring some more booze, 'kay? Something stronger than this rotgut." He pointed at an empty beer bottle in the waitress' hands.
"You got it." She smiled at them both and left.
Kerry leaned towards the burger and sniffed it. He knew that food here was fresh, but did that every time anyway. After all, the eyes may be deceived by the tasty look, but the nose always knows.
"Damn, too bad they run out of steaks. You really must try their steaks, V, it's real meat, not synthetic shit. The moment you put them in your mouth, you feel they're juicy and delicious even with your brain," said Kerry dreamily. "Yo, V, you with me?"
V didn't say anything, just gave Kerry an angry glare and took his burger. Apparently, he still was pissed off. Kerry just shrugged and decided to wait until V would get over it. There was no point in arguing now, the evening was too nice to destroy it like that.
When Kerry was just about to bite into the hamburger, he took a quick look at V. What he saw surprised him to such an extent that he almost dropped his own burger onto the floor. V had already started eating, but it seemed like he was missing his mouth, pressing the food into the nose instead.
"What the hell, V?!" Kerry laughed nervously. "We haven't even started hard booze yet!"
"Huh? The fuck you're talking about?" asked V suspiciously, with his mouth full. He seemed genuinely baffled.
Now it was Kerry who got confused, as V's face turned out to be completely clean. But he just saw how V was literally smearing the burger all over the nose! What was happening?
"S-sorry," he mumbled and shook his head. "Must've got mixed up. Oh man, I need a drink."
"Ya still dun believe me, d'ya?" chirped V directly into Kerry's ear.
Of course it ended up like it always did. Of course. V got hammered and it was all up to Kerry to drag him home safely. While trying to find the most comfortable angle of V's arm wrapped around his neck, Kerry thought bitterly that Johnny would be proud of him being so responsible.
Someday you just have to grow up.
"No," he said, just to blow off V for a second. Where was that fucking Del? "Shit, V, you're heavy."
"And yer sweet, y'know?" V giggled and kissed Kerry in the cheek.
"I do, actually." Kerry couldn't help but grin. "Finally, there's our Del. Get your ass inside."
V, still laughing, entered the car and Kerry followed. Phew, that was the hard part, now it should be all downhill from here.
"Where are we heading, Mr. Eurodyne?" asked the robotic voice gently.
"Little China, megabuilding ten. Got any magic tricks for drinkin' too much, Del?" tried Kerry and checked on V. He was absolutely fascinated with the moving city landscape behind the window, so Kerry decided it would be better to not distract him.
"I would humbly advise your companion to take some rest. Chemical substances will not stay in his stomach long enough to have any effect."
"Y'mean, he'll puke anyway?"
"Precisely," agreed Del. "Your companion will definitely experience an involuntary, forceful expulsion of the stomach contents through the mouth soon. Probably through the nose, too."
"Spare me the details." Kerry slumped on the car seat, feeling very tired all of a sudden. "Just take us home."
He realised that V was silent for quite a while. It turned out V took Del's advice personally, as he was peacefully napping on the seat, with his mouth open. Kerry smiled to himself, but then he remembered he'd have to pull this guy out of the car at their destination and cursed under his breath. Too bad Del didn't provide any special service for carrying people.
They still had some time before reaching the Watson district, so Kerry crossed his arms and looked out the window. It was way past midnight, but the streets were still crowded - after all, Night City never slept. The city life behind the glass pane felt as usual. Small street food stalls every ten meters, drug dealers who weren't even trying to hide, drunkards, homeless people, sexworkers, BD addicts… Night City in a nutshell. Damn. Kerry loved Night City with all his heart, but at the same time he was painfully aware why was it voted the worst place to live in America.
He thoughtlessly locked eyes on a group of young people they were just passing by, who were apparently coming back from a concert. Kerry smiled to himself. He knew how to recognise rock music fans, he'd seen enough. They were laughing, singing and generally having fun.
And then it happened. The moment the car caught up to the group, a tall, blonde man just fell through the ground, as if there was a big hole.
Kerry's eyes widened and he pressed his nose against the window, trying to see something more, but they had already passed the group. Nobody paid attention that their friend just vanished.
"Fuck! What the fuck! Del, you saw that?!"
"Saw what, Mr. Eurodyne?" The synthesised voice was as polite and calm as ever.
"That guy!" Kerry pointed at the pane. "He disappeared! HE FELL THROUGH THE FUCKIN' STREET!"
Del was silent for a moment.
"According to my data, there is no manhole in this particular area."
"It's 'cause there wasn't, you piece of junk! He literally fell through the ground!"
"The alcohol content in your blood almost doubles the safe level, Mr. Eurodyne. My medical expansion clearly claims that it may cause hallucinations. You should take it into consideration."
"I know what I saw," mumbled Kerry.
He wished he could use Del's last remark as an explanation, but he was so sure he would give his right hand for that. Damn. Maybe he should believe Del after all.
"We have reached the destination, Mr. Eurodyne. Thank you for the ride and please take all your belongings."
Kerry gently poked V under the ribs.
"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty. We're here."
V's body twitched and he muttered something incomprehensibly. He made a weird gesture with his hand, as if he wanted to fend off an annoying fly.
"C'mon, kid," snarled Kerry, losing his temper. "Haven't got time to play with you."
He simply grabbed V by his forearm and dragged the man out of the car, as if he was pulling a rag doll. He wrapped V's arm around his own neck once again and prepared for the last few meters to beat. Fuck. Kerry swore to himself that there won't be next time like that, V would get only juice.
As they were heading towards the entrance to the megabuilding, Kerry heard weird sounds, some crashes and something like broken glass. He looked around in search of the sound source and when he finally saw it, his jaw dropped out of sheer shock.
To the right of the stairs there was a car. But… somehow its bonnet was slowly sinking into the pavement the car was parked on. Kerry could also easily see that, despite Del's suggestions, there was not the smallest manhole underneath. There was nobody next to the car and yet the vehicle seemed to fall apart by itself, as if there was a ghost beating the machine with a steel pipe. Its windows were shattering on their own, the body was breaking right before Kerry's eyes and the wheels seemed like they were about to burst. The worst part that got Kerry really worried was the smoke and sparks, which couldn't be a good sign.
"Fuuuuck, not now… V, damn, wake up!" He gave V a slap in the face. "This thing's gonna explode in a second!"
V regained consciousness for a short moment, smiled at Kerry and then fell asleep again.
"Shit! Shit! Wake the fuck up!"
Kerry did his best to drag V up the stairs to run as far from the car as he could, but it was bloody difficult. Curse all those days when he was slacking in the gym… Kerry managed to climb a few steps, but V was simply too heavy – he tripped at some point and collapsed. It all happened so fast he didn't protect his fall and hit the head against the hard stairs.
The last thing Kerry saw before he fainted was a blue screen with white letters, saying something about an error that occurred in the application. He only managed to think that he should go for a check up on the software and then blacked out.
It was loud snoring that awakened Kerry eventually.
He opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the morning light with no rush. There was a white, plastic ceiling above him and his first thought was that it might be a Trauma Team clinic. Or heaven, but he knew he wasn't devout enough to go there. Not that he would like to. Parties were better in hell, probably.
Kerry turned his head to the left and then he recognised the place – it was V's apartment in Little China, in its all glory. As small and full of cockroaches as always.
The proud owner was peacefully sleeping like a baby in the bed on Kerry's right side, apart from the fact that babies weren't snoring like a grizzly bear with a sinus condition. There was a big saliva stain on the pillow under V's cheek, but it was still better than waking up next to a vomit puddle. Luckily, Del was wrong.
Kerry sighed quietly and sat on the edge of the bed, being careful not to wake V up. The guy needed some decent sleep, but for all the trouble he caused the previous day, Kerry hoped with all the heart he'd suffer from the worst hangover ever. That asshole deserved that, for getting smashed and for all that bullshit about reality.
Speaking of…
Was it all real? Or just a drunk dream? And, most importantly, how did they finally get here?
He covered his face with hands for a moment, just to think. Then he heard a quiet meow and right after that, felt something soft rubbing against his calf.
"Hey, buddy." Kerry lowered his hands. He smiled to the cat and reached his hand to pet it. "You hungry?"
Nibbles looked into Kerry's eyes, as if it wanted something. However, when Kerry stood up, the cat didn't lead him to its bowls, but rather run towards the door. It stared at the entrance and let another meow, which sounded like an attempt to draw attention.
"Whaddya want?" Kerry frowned. "Can't let you out. V would kill me."
The cat was still meowing, looking at the door. Nibbles clearly wanted to show him something. Intrigued, Kerry approached the cat, took it in his arms and opened the door. He stepped outside.
"See? Nothing to do here. Not a good place for ca…" he stopped in mid-sentence.
There it was. The graffiti V was talking about, next to the entrance to his apartment, just like he said. It depicted a man wearing a braindance wreath, who was about to fall from a roof. Clearly he mistook the reality with the virtual one he had on the nose. Behind him there was a sad dog, who apparently didn't give a fuck about his owner and seemed to let that human die.
Nibbles hissed as Kerry came closer to study the graffiti. He knew it was stupid, it was impossible, and yet… why not check it? The street art didn't look extraordinary up close, though. It must have been quite an old graffiti, since the paint started to peel at some points. Apart from that, everything was perfectly fine.
"Knew it," said Kerry to Nibbles. "V's gonna pay for that."
And then the graffiti twitched.
