FOUR YEARS AGO.

"Hey!"

You lifted your chin from your hands. You didn't know the girl standing in front of you, but you recognized her. Her eyes were a distinct piercing green. They almost seemed to glow under the hazy light emitting from the dimly lit gas lamp placed on the wall of the dining hall. Your tears had dried at this point, but you were still in a shitty mood. And the cocky grin she sported while she leered down at you wallowing in your misery only infuriated you further. You glared up at her.

"What the hell do you want?"

EARLIER THAT DAY.

It was ridiculously hot. The sun beat down on you relentlessly. It left a stinging, sticky feeling on your skin, but you didn't falter. You pounded the training dummy, every extension of your arm left it feeling sore. Eventually, you had to take a break. You leaned on your knees, taking in heaving breaths. Should I go shower now …? You pondered, as you took in a long, slow drink of water. As you were walking back to the bench to grab your sweat towel, you heard someone call your name. You looked back up to see Commander Shadis standing at the end of the bench, arms crossed stiffly behind his back as he returned your gaze.

"Good afternoon, could I borrow you for a moment?"

Shadis had never intimidated you, but as you took in his expression, an inexplicable feeling of dread washed over you, leaving the palms of your hands feeling clammy. You nodded and reluctantly followed him to the exit of the training grounds.

"Is there something you need, sir?" you asked, as the two of you came to a stop at the gate.

He observed your face for a moment, before releasing a tired sigh, and reaching into his coat. He pulled out a small envelope and held it out to you. You slowly grabbed it from him, and immediately noticed the bright red wax seal on it. A unicorn. You cocked a brow. The Military Police...? You shot him a confused look.

"Uh… what is this?"

He shifted uncomfortably where he stood. "I regret to be the one to tell you this, but we just received word that your mother has died."

He kept talking for a while after that, but to be honest, you couldn't really hear him. The world fell silent around you. You caught something about a strain of tuberculosis. Something about a neighbor finding her dead in her bed. You were only pulled from your trance when he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"Take the day off soldier. The envelope contains her will and a letter to you."

You stared blankly at the envelope. You didn't want to open it, but you would have to eventually. You began to peel away at the seal, but you couldn't stop your hands from shaking. I can't do this right now, I'll open this later. You shoved the envelope into your jacket and headed back to your barrack.

PLAY THIS FOR THIS SEGMENT

My Dandelion,

I hope this letter finds you well.

You sniffled. She must've had someone helping her write this, she never knew how to read or write very well.

It seems I've fallen ill. Dr. Jaeger has told me that he worries about my condition, and that it's a very real possibility that I may die from this illness. So I wanted to send you this letter, in case of the worst possible outcome. Your old friend Milly is helping me write this letter. She's a very kind young woman. Do you remember her? She lives next door, you two used to play together when you were younger. I remember feeling so grateful that you had a friend, the short-tempered crybaby you were, it was nothing short of a miracle. Well, I don't want to make this letter too long, so I'll get to the point now. To get the formalities out of the way, of course, all of my possessions go to you, my one and only daughter.

I should've realized it sooner, but it only occurred to me after I'd fallen ill that I'm old, and that I will die soon, whether it be from this sickness, or from something else. And I don't want to leave anything unsaid. I'm sorry for the way I treated you growing up. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I should've given you the best childhood I possibly could've.

You had to stop reading here. You lowered the letter and took in a long, shaky breath. This was so like her. She made it sound so much worse than it was. She lashed out at you sometimes when you were younger. But it was never something you held her responsible for. It was so long ago. It was heartbreaking to think that she still felt guilty about it to her dying days. You sighed, and opened the letter back up to continue reading.

The death of your father, and the debt he left for us left me feeling resentful, and in my weakest moments, I took it out on you, and for that, I am so very sorry. But you know that I love you, and my love, through all my years, has never wavered. And I like to think that's the reason you've turned into the fine, brave young woman that you are. Words can not describe how proud of you I am. Although, when you told me you wanted to join the Scout Regiment, I can't say that I didn't question your judgment. But I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't interfere with your decisions. All I ask is that you live a respectable life, and that you are kind to the people around you. It makes a bigger impact on the world than you might think. And you should try keeping that temper of yours in check, or else you won't make any friends. I love you, dandelion. Please live happily, even if I'm no longer there beside you.

You stared blankly at the bottom of the page, as if that would somehow make more words appear on the letter. But that was it. You closed the letter. And now the tears just wouldn't stop. So you just sat there, crying silently, until you eventually fell asleep.

"What the hell do you want?"

Her smile only grew at this."Sorry, I didn't realize the princess must remain undisturbed."

You shot up from your seat on the stairs, fists clenched. This is why you were hesitant to leave your room. What a bitch.

"I don't have to deal with this right now," you said coolly, as you got up from your seat on the staircase.

She flinched as you stepped forward, but as she saw that you were aiming to walk past her, she regained confidence. "H-hey wait," she said, placing her hand on your shoulder. "I wanted to-"

"Don't fucking touch me!" you barked, shoving her hand off. "Just leave me alone!"

After the girl had stormed off, Marla stood at the staircase, still slightly dumbfounded by the interaction. Maybe I'm not as good at flirting as I thought Naw. That can't be it, she decided, giving herself a confident grin. But it had gone really bad. She was more temperamental than she had anticipated.

"Marla!"

Marla whipped her head back to see Hange running towards her, with a goofy grin on their face.

"I just saw her walking off. She looked pissed. What'd you do?" Hange panted. "I thought you were just going to flirt with her a little bit."

"I was! And I didn't do anything. I knew she was hot-headed, but this is a whole different level!" she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Hange gave her a look of disbelief.

"I told you you should've done it another time! You really need to leave people alone when things like this happen."

Marla gave Hange a dumb look. "...When things like this happen...?"

Hange gave her an equally dumb look. "...Didn't you know?" Hange asked, cocking their head curiously. Marla smacked her head.

"Obviously not if I'm asking you, dim-wit." she groaned. "So spill it. What happened?"

"Her mother died this morning."

The blood drained from Marla's face.

"...Are you serious?" she said quietly.

"Mhm."

Fuck.

"Tell me that shit before I go!" she fumed. "How could you let me go try to flirt with her when her mother died this morning!" she hissed, as her face grew a bright shade of red. Ugh, I should've known better than to rely on Hange for social tact.

Hange threw their hands up in innocence. "Hey, since when is it my job to keep you informed? I thought you would know because you were so interested in her." they jeered, throwing their arm over Marla's shoulder playfully. "Don't sweat it too much, Marla! Just apologize another day."Marla groaned.

"Ugh, please just shut up."

Marla ran her hand through her hair. She had messed up.

I need to fix this.

THE FOLLOWING MORNING.

"I'm sorry."

Chatter bounced off the walls of the dining room in the morning breakfast rush, as scouts hurried to get their food before the good stuff ran out. You stared up at her blankly from your seat on the bench. She looked different from yesterday. Nervous now. Her face was a light shade of pink, and her hands refused to stop fiddling with the loose cloth of her t-shirt. You looked back down at your food, chomping off a large bite of your bread.

"Okay."

Silence.

"...O-okay? Is that all you're going to say?"

God, what the hell did she want from you?

"Mhm."

"Well, do you accept my apology?"

You opened your mouth to tell her to buzz off, but something stopped you.

"And you should try keeping that temper of yours in check, or else you won't make any friends."

You sighed and forced a frigid smile onto your face. You better be grateful for this.

"Sure."

She stared at you, mouth agape. She could've at least tried to hide her shock, you thought, rolling your eyes. You focused back on your meal until you heard a quiet laugh. You flipped your head back to where she stood and saw her giggling. She immediately clamped her hand over her mouth when you met her gaze, eyes wide.

"What?"

"I'm sorry...but why'd you smile like that? It looked so forced." She said quietly, slowly moving her hand from her face. Finally, she let out the sharp laugh she'd been stifling. "I remember thinking, 'I wonder what she looks like when she smiles'...I did not expect that." She cackled. Any attempt to hide her laughter had vanished. You stared at her, unsure of how to respond. You heard quiet snickers circulating around the tables near you, and your face began to heat up.

"Who the hell are you to judge how I smile! You should be lucky I smiled for you at all!" You exclaimed, in a shrill voice. You hopped up from your seat and began to walk to the exit. Marla's face fell.

"Wait, I'm sorry-"

"I shouldn't have bothered. Screw you." You could feel everyone's eyes boring into your back, but you didn't care. You just needed to leave.

You woke up the next morning still feeling groggy. As expected, it hadn't been easy to go to sleep. But thankfully, you didn't have to get up early for training. You were to return to Shiganshina today for your mother's burial, so you had the day off. As you were beginning to freshen up, you jerked your head to the door at a loud banging. What the heck? You hurriedly threw on your coat and cautiously walked to the door. You slowly pulled it open and popped your head out of the opening, darting your eyes left and right, searching for whoever had knocked. But there was no one. You sighed. Did they knock just to run away? How immature. You pushed the door open further, and you felt a small thump against the door. You looked down and saw a small, white box, topped with a sloppily placed red bow. You eyed it warily, before quickly picking it up and hurrying back into your room

You sat at the edge of your bed. Who could've done this? You mentally ran through all of your fellow soldiers, but you weren't close enough to any of them to warrant gift giving. Could it be something horrible? Would you open it and find a mangled, bloody hand? Or maybe a set of human eyes?

...

Dear God, how old were you? It's just a box. You shook your head in disbelief as you hastily pulled it open. The sweet scent of strawberries wafted up into your nose as you did, and inside the box were 6 identical pieces of powdered bread. You gingerly picked one up and observed it. Sugar? You'd never had sweet bread before. Growing up, it was a delicacy your mom couldn't afford. You brought it up to your face and gave it a sniff. You coughed as powdered sugar ran up your nose. After you'd gathered yourself, you noticed a small note tucked in between the pieces and pulled it out.

I'M SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY. I HEARD YOU LIKE STRAWBERRIES.

-MARLA

You folded the note back neatly and put it back in the box. You picked up a piece of bread and took a small careful bite.

It tasted really good.

"Get your hands off of me!" you seethed.

"You have to stay in bed! You have internal bleeding...if you fracture your rib again, it could stab your organs!" Hange pleaded as they gripped your shoulders tightly. "They just healed! They're fragile!" But you couldn't hear them. You saw their mouth moving, but you couldn't make out the words. Your obliviousness infuriated you.

"You know I can't hear you, so shut the fuck up!"

"Goddamnit, why are you so adamant on dying? If I let go of you, where the hell would you even go?!"

Only a high-pitched ringing in your ears.

"I can't hear you!" you screamed, thrusting your body wildly to escape from their grip. "I can't hear you!"

Nurse Lana and her assistant came rushing in. The assistant hovered behind Lana, hands trembling and eyes wide, like a wounded animal. Nurse Lana whipped her head to Hange in bewilderment.

"What happened?! I left you two alone for five minutes!" she shouted.

"She's lashing out again! I-I think we might need some anesthesia!"

"Maria! Grab the anesthesia!"

"Y-yes ma'am!" she squeaked. Maria sprinted out the door, pale as a sheet. She seemed pretty eager to leave the room.

Lana hurried over to your bedside. She pulled a small clipboard from her coat and quickly scribbled something on it. After she was done, she held it out to you. You stopped thrashing around momentarily to read it, taking in short, labored breaths as you did.

PLEASE CALM DOWN.

"No! Let me leave!"

Maria came scurrying in with a bottle and some syringes and hurriedly began preparing them. Your eyes widened at the sight. Anesthesia? Your breathing became quicker and your chest felt like it was about to burst as you locked your eyes on the bottle. You didn't want to go to sleep. You couldn't go to sleep. You couldn't handle the nightmares.

"...H-hey! What the hell is she doing!" you said, jerking your head up to Hange, who was still holding you down from behind. "Hange, what is she doing! Y-you know that stuff gives me nightmares!" Hange looked at you, pain painted on their expression as they tore their gaze away from yours. They couldn't even meet your eye. A pit opened in your stomach.

"Let go of me! You can't put that shit in me!" you shouted. You began tugging away from Hange with a newfound ferocity that obviously caught them off guard, because one of your arms finally managed to escape their grip. You immediately began attempting to free your other arm. Nurse Lana stared momentarily at the scene in disbelief.

"How the hell can she move like that..." she muttered, furrowing her brow, she rubbed her temples, and then looked back to Hange. "Hange! You need to keep her down or I won't be able to inject her!" she urged.

"I know! But she's strong!"

"She can barely walk! Handle it!"

Your freedom was short-lived. Soon enough, Hange had you within their grasp again, and the Nurse was walking over to your bedside, syringe in hand.

You shot Hange one last desperate look. Please.

You had always been shitty at reading lips, but you were able to catch what Hange said as she looked down at you, with a guilt-ridden expression.

I'm sorry.

You felt the needle go into your arm, and the world around you fell silent.

"Marla!" you shout at her, "Marla please stop!"

She cannot hear you.

You step in front of her.

She cannot see you.

You tug at her arm, pulling it away from her face.

She cannot feel you. So she continues biting the flesh from her arm. Chewing it thoughtfully and deliberately, as if it were her last meal. Finally, she looks back at you. She stares deeply inside of you.

"Would you like a bite?"

"...What?"

"Would you like a bite?"

You gasp as she brings her bloodied arm towards your mouth. An offering.

"N-no thank you, and please stop biting it. You're going to die."

She tilts her head curiously."Isn't that what you want?"

"What are you talking about! Of course not!"

"But I saw."

"...W-what?"

"Inside of you," she says softly. She looks sad.

"That's ridiculous," you mutter bitterly.

"Would you like a kiss?"

"Yes."

She kisses you softly, and you can feel yourself melting. Her sweet lips on yours again are like heaven. She pulls back slightly to take in a breath, eyes still lingering on your lips. She kisses you again, but this time more deeply, with more desire. You feel her tongue slide against your bottom lip. Oh, how you wanted to feel this again, even if it was just one more time.

But it quickly goes sour. Suddenly, Marla's eyes flick open, and her grip on the back of your head tightens, to the point of pain. You try to squirm away, but she holds your chin firmly still with her other hand. *You feel something dripping from her mouth into yours, and you quickly realize its blood. And then, you feel something else enter your mouth. Her tongue? No. You realize with a sinking horror that she's shoving her arm meat from earlier into your mouth. You take in a sharp breath from shock, which involuntarily causes you to swallow a bit. You jolt backward, escaping her grasp, gagging. You collapse onto your forearms and knees, hacking spit, trying to get the taste from your mouth. But it's impossible. No matter how many times you spit, the sour taste of her blood remains on your tongue.*

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Marla watches you from above, with a stony face. You look back up to her panting, eyes brimming with tears. When she sees you looking at her, she cracks a cold smile.

"I knew you'd eat it."

You stared at your clock, and let out a groan. Where were they? You wondered, chewing at the end of your pen. They were supposed to have been here an hour ago. Maybe I should just go back to my room. You'd been waiting here for a while. Something might've come up with her, and you couldn't wait in the library all night. With a small grunt, you pulled yourself up from your chair and began gathering your things, when you saw some movement in your top peripheral. You shot your head up, and you watched as Isabel charged through the door, and up to the front of your desk, a panting mess. You stared at her mouth, but with how fast she was talking, in combination with the fact that she seemed to be stuttering over every one of her sentences, it was hard to catch it all.

"Isabel! I have no idea what you're trying to say!" you snickered. "Please catch your breath and calm down."

"Oh-oh yeah...okay sorry," she breathed, pulling up a chair. "I said, 'I'm so sorry I'm late and 'Shadis kept us out for training longer than usual' and 'Levi didn't want to come, he said something about needing to focus on the expedition'."

"Oh, okay," you said, offering her a small smile. "Well, let's just sit," you told her, pulling up a second chair.

Why didn't Levi come? He's the one who said he wanted to have a second reading lesson. You sighed. But it did make sense. Perhaps it was presumptuous of you to assume that your lesson would be at the top of his priorities right now. Besides, you'd be lying to yourself if you said that you weren't just using these meetings to distract yourself from the expedition. Yout turned back to Isabel, who was patiently waiting for you to begin the lesson.

"Ready to begin?"

"Yes ma'am!" she piped.

"Ah Isabel, don't call me ma'am," you said through a shy laugh."It makes me feel like someone's granny."

"Oh! Sorry!"

"It's alright... Well anyways, how about we pull out a piece of paper and see how signature practice is going?" you said, as you carefully ripped out a loose sheet from your notebook, handing it to Isabel. She immediately got to work. She shut her eyes tightly and quickly moved her hand across the page. After she was done, you pulled the page from her, analyzing the work. She stared at you apprehensively, shifting in her seat. It was really good. As good as Levi's had been. A surge of pride surged through your chest.

"So? How is it?" she whispered.

"Isabel, this looks amazing! I think you've completely memorized it!" you grinned.

"Really!?"

"Yeah!"

"Wow!" she exclaimed, jumping up from her seat.

"Isabel, wait a moment here, I have just the thing for the occasion!"

"O-okay!"

You ran over to your desk and pulled out a small brown paper bag from a drawer, and then back to the table. You pulled out a piece and held it out to her. She gave you a confused look.

"What is it?"

"It's sweet bread! Take a bite!"

"Well...okay then. Thanks!"

She stared at it momentarily, and you couldn't help but crack a small smile at the awe in her eyes. It reminded you of the first time you'd had a sweet. You watched in amusement as she took a small bite, chewing it slowly. You frowned.

"Oh no, that's no good! Take a bigger bite! How else are you going to get the jelly at the center?" you chuckled. "Like this!" You pulled out another piece from the bag, and took a large bite, powdered sugar falling onto your upper lip. You swallowed and gave her a wide grin.

"Like that."

"Okay, okay, I'll go again." She giggled. She imitated the bite you took, stifling a small smile. After she swallowed, she stared down at the bread. Out of nowhere, tears started pouring out of her cheeks, and you jumped up from your seat.

"Woah, woah, what's wrong?" you asked, furrowing your brow.

"No, no, it's nothing!" she flushed a deep shade of pink, fervently wiping her tears away. "...It's just really good," she said, softly.

You gave her a soft smile.

"It is, isn't it?"

"You have sugar on your face," Levi said.

The two of you sat together in the garden, eating sweet bread. The warm sun felt lovely on your skin.

"Oh, what?" your face began to heat up, as you wiped aimlessly at your mouth. You looked back at him.

"Uh, did I get it?"

"Come here."

"...What?"

He slipped his hand onto your lower back, and he tugged you towards him. When his hand made contact with your back, you felt a tingling shock run up your spine. Your faces were just inches away. He gently grabbed your chin, wiping it away with his thumb. Your heartbeat rose from your chest to your ears.

"Thank you," you said, as you began shying away from his hand.

But he still held your chin.

He pressed his lips against yours. Your chest felt like it was going to burst. The feeling made you want to run away and hide, but at the same time, you didn't want anything to interrupt the moment. Your lips parted slightly, and Levi's followed suit. They were soft. You felt his tongue creeping into your mouth…

Your eyes flickered open. Your eyes darted back and forth the room, taking in your surroundings. You had fallen asleep in the library. You sighed and placed your hand on your cheek. It was warm. Really warm. You sighed. This is literally the last thing I need right now, you thought, glumly. You covered your face in your hands, and let out an obnoxious groan. You needed to calm down. After you were done having your moment, you pulled yourself away from your hands.

Well…Time to suppress that memory.

You stretched your arms, and leapt up from your chair, and began to head out of the library. By the end of the day, you'd forgotten about the dream.