(I apologize for the tardiness, sometimes I forget to upload here because I don't get as much traction from this site, but I'll be sure to remember from now on! Thank you to those keeping up with the story 3)
Your head throbbed in pain as you slowly opened your eyes to the unrelenting morning light pouring into your room. You immediately squeezed them back shut, wincing slightly in pain. You swallowed the bile in your throat as you flipped over from your side to your back, releasing a tired sigh. I don't remember anything from last night... Usually, that fact would cause worry, but considering that you had been with friends, you didn't think you did anything bad. You worked up the energy to attempt opening your eyes again, but nothing could've prepared you for the sight you would see when you did. Hange peered over you, wide eyes staring down at you through smudged lenses, a small, coy smile graced their lips. It's safe to say you nearly pissed yourself.
"Good morning sleepyhead," They sang.
Your eyes fluttered open. "Holy shit!"
Your heart jumped out of your chest as you leapt up from your back. Once you'd recovered from the initial shock, you shot Hange a look of disbelief.
"Hange! What the hell? How long have you been here?" you demanded.
Hange hoisted themselves up from the side of your bed with a small grunt. "Not long... about five minutes," they guessed. "Sorry, I just wanted to see you, you got snatched away from me yesterday!"
You cocked your head in confusion."...Snatched away?"
It was slight, but you saw the small smile on their face grow."Oh- never mind that. How'd you sleep?"
You slumped back into your pillow "Fine, I suppose, I don't remember waking up or anything..."
Hange tousled your hair gently, "That's good."
"Well, what are you doing here anyway Hange? Don't you have any morning tasks?"
"I do! I'm supposed to be grabbing something from Erwin's office, but your room was on the way, so I decided to stop by."
"I see." you said, as you finally tore yourself away from your bed. You stretched your arms up high over your head, with a few small cracks and pops from your joints.
"Well. thank you for checking in on me, but we should meet up another time… you have things to do, and I need to get ready."
"They nodded eagerly, "Right, of course! I'll come to visit you in the library later today."
"Ah- actually Hange, I can't meet up with you later," you said, somewhat sheepishly. "Sorry, I have plans."
"Oh? Care to share?"
"I'm going back to Shigansha today," You said plainly. "It's the anniversary of my mother's death."
"I see..." they said, as they took in your expression. You could tell that they were trying to get a read on how you were feeling. "Are you going to be okay going by yourself?"
You shrugged nonchalantly. "Should be," you replied. "I make this trip every year by myself and it always goes smoothly."
"Well...alright. "
You placed a gentle hand on their shoulder, offering them a reassuring smile. "I'll be back soon."
"Hmm," they hummed, with a furrowed brow, "Did you tell Levi that you were leaving?"
Your expression involuntarily soured at the mention of his name."Why would I need to?" you said, cooly. You couldn't remember very well, but you felt like he'd done something to piss you off. Oh well, maybe it will come back to me later.
A small smile graced their lips "Hmm, I guess you're right..."
"I'm always right, Hange." you droned.
Hange let out a sharp laugh. "Well I'm sure you have things to do, clothes to pack… I'll leave you be." They said as they began sauntering back to leave your room, "Have a safe trip, my dear!" they called from the door.
You gave them a firm nod. "See you soon, Hange."
Just as you predicted, the trip to Shiganshina had gone smoothly. Usually, you saved up prior to the trip and paid someone to take you there by carriage, and this year was no exception. You'd brought some different books and snacks to pass the time, but for the most part, you slept, allowing yourself to give in to the weariness that you usually just brushed off while you worked. Thankfully, you'd woken up about an hour before you'd arrived, so there was no need for the driver to wake you. After your driver had dealt with the guard stationed at the main entrance, you pulled at the curtain, peering into the town.
"May I open up the window?" you called. You couldn't think of a reason as to why you wouldn't be able to, but you thought it would be good to ask, just in case. You leaned forward, placing your hand against the wall across from the wall, and waited. Because the driver couldn't face you, you had devised a very simple system that allowed you to communicate with them non-verbally. One tap was a no, two was a yes, three was a "Please wait."
When you felt two taps, you pulled back and popped open the window, letting out a sigh of bliss as the cool air hit your face. You don't notice how stuffy it is until you feel the air on your face…
Once you'd reached the center of town, the carriage came to a slow halt, and you began gathering your things. After you'd gotten everything back into your bag, the door slowly opened, and you looked down to see your driver giving you a tired, but genuine smile, as he held out an extended hand.
"I can help you down, miss."
You smiled back, "Thank you."
You gently grabbed his hand and hopped out of the carriage with a small thump as your boots hit the ground.
"It was a lovely trip, thank you! How much will you be needing for the hotel for the night?" you asked, reaching into your purse for your wallet, but the driver just shook his head.
"No need, Miss. I have family here as well, so I plan on staying with them."
"Oh, I see..." you said, slowly putting your wallet back. You looked back up to him, giving him a small bow. "Thank you again! We can meet back here tomorrow afternoon!"
"Have a good day!"
"Same to you!" you called, as you set off in the opposite direction. Your first instinct was to head back to your old house, but as your stomach let out an animalistic grumble, you thought that maybe going to get something to eat first would be better. There's a cafe really close to here, I think... You quickly walked through the bustling center of town for a few minutes, until you felt a gentle but firm grasp on your shoulder.
You whipped your head back to see who had touched you, and your eyes widened as you saw Carla Jaeger, the town doctor's wife, giving you a wide smile.
"Oh! Carla!" you gasped.
"It's about time you came back to visit!" she scolded, playfully. She looked like she was breathing a bit heavily. Had she run to catch my attention? A small pang of guilt popped in your chest.
You'd never spoken much with Mrs. Jaeger, but when you were a teenager, she had fallen ill, so your mother had volunteered you to go help her with her son for a couple of days while she rested. Since then, she had always spoken very kindly to you, the few times that you did see her.
"I haven't seen you in ages! You need to come back here more often! I was calling out your name...but it was as if you couldn't hear me at all." she clucked.
"O-oh, I'm sorry, I guess I was distracted," you said through a breathy laugh.
I'll explain things to her later, I don't feel like talking about it now.
"It's fine..." she said, trailing off as her gaze darted down to her left, and you finally laid your eyes on the small child that stood by her side. Eren Jaeger… the last time I saw him he was a toddler , you mused. He looked to be about ten now.
"Eren, do you remember her?" She asked, giving him a small nudge. "Say hi!"
"Hello," he mumbled, turning a light shade of pink. You stifled a small smile. It was obvious he had absolutely no recollection of who you were.
"It's fine if you don't remember me, Eren, it ages ago when I took care of you… and for such a short time, too," you reassured him.
"Hey, why don't you join us for dinner tonight? I'm sure Grisha would be pleased to see you!"
You shook your head "It's fine Carla, that won't be necessary..."
"It's fine! You hardly ever come by to visit, let's spend some time together while we can!"
You chewed at your bottom lip. The Carla you remembered was a very persistent woman, and at that moment, you were feeling too drowsy, and too hungry to put up a fight.
"...If you insist. Thank you for your hospitality."
The walk back to their home was short. You didn't talk much, mostly just taking in Carla's words as she prattled away about the various ongoings of the town. Eren remained pretty quiet as well, every now and then you caught him shooting you curious glances, but as soon as you noticed, he skittishly averted his gaze back to the ground. It sort of reminded you of yourself when you were his age. Soon enough, you'd reached their home, and Carla pulled open the door.
"Grisha! Mikasa! We have a guest today!" she called into the house, cupping a hand around her mouth.
You furrowed your brow. Mikasa? You quickly racked at your brain, desperately trying to remember if you knew anyone with that name, but eventually came up with nothing. You turned to Carla with a confused look.
"Mikasa?"
Carla's eyes widened. "How could I have forgotten to tell you… me and Grisha recently took a young girl in, she-" she stopped mid-sentence, and whipped her head back into the house, "There she is… Mikasa! Come greet our guest!"
You turned your head to see a small girl with dark hair slowly walking towards you. She moved in a way that looked as if she was trying to take up as little space as possible, despite her already tiny stature.
She murmured what you assumed to be a greeting, but it was difficult to make out exactly what she said, seeing as the bottom half of her face was covered by a bright red scarf. Your first instinct told you to go in for a firm handshake, until you remembered you were dealing with a young child, not a member of the military.
"Nice to meet you." you said, giving her a small wave.
She nodded, burying her chin further into her scarf.
"Nice to meet you too." she piped quietly.
"Mikasa, where's Dr. Jaeger?" Carla asked.
She pointed a single finger to the door that stood at the end of the room. "In the basement."
Carla clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "He spends far too much time locked away in that dusty old room...Grisha! Get up here!" Carla called, in an uncharacteristically stern voice.
Soon enough, you saw the door across the room creep open, and the Doctor walked through, muttering some hurried apology to his wife. When he locked eyes with you, you saw a look of slight surprise pass his face.
"Oh- it's you." he said plainly, "Come to pay your respects to your mother, I assume?"
You gave him a small nod, "Yes, thank you for having me. I hope you've been well, Dr. Jaeger."
He gave you a pursed smile."Same to you… how has Scout work been going these days?"
"Scout work!?" Eren exclaimed, whipping his head back to you, "Are you with the Scouts?"
Your eyes widened at Eren's unexpected burst of energy. "I don't go on expeditions anymore… but yes, I still work with them."
"You don't go outside the walls anymore?" he pressed, "Why not? Are you really with the Scouts?"
"Eren! It's rude to ask so many questions!" Carla scolded.
You gave Carla a small wave. "It's fine Carla- I don't mind answering," you said, turning back to Eren. "About a year ago, I got into an accident outside the walls, and now I can't perform as I used to. So to keep me and my Squad members out of danger, I can't work with them anymore," you explained. He's quite young, I wonder how much I should tell him.
"Hmm.. but you seemed to be walking fine on the way here?"
"Eren!"
"What? It's true- ow!" he let out a small yelp, as Carla tugged on his left ear.
"That's enough out of you, Eren," she said, in a stony voice.
"It's fine Carla." you repeated, giving her a small wave "The problem doesn't lie in my mobility, it's in my hearing. I'm partially deaf in both of my ears, so if I went on expeditions, I wouldn't be able to hear incoming threats or orders from my Captain."
He cocked his head in surprise. "You're deaf?"
"Yes."
"So that's why you couldn't hear me…"Carla murmured, "I'm sorry about earlier"
You laughed. "How could you have possibly known until now? Don't worry about it, I can read lips pretty well."
"So a run-in with a titan caused you to lose your hearing?" Grisha asked.
"That's right."
"...Could you tell me more about what happened another time?"
You silently observed the doctor for a moment. You didn't mind talking about it, but what was curious to you was the doctor's sudden interest in titans "Sure, I don't mind." you said with a small shrug.
"Excellent-"
"Well. If we're all done interrogating our guest, Eren, could you please show her the guest room?" Carla interrupted.
You furrowed your brow."Guest room?"
"Why don't you spend the night! Consider it payment my dear Eren's incessant questions."
You stopped to think about it. Your first instinct told you to reject the offer, but again, you didn't have the energy to get into a back and forth with Carla. And besides, it might be nice to spend the night in a house that wasn't empty, for a change.
"Thank you for your hospitality."
You followed Eren to the guest room and began setting your bags down, pulling out everything you needed for the night. As you did, you could feel a little pair of eyes practically burning a hole through the back of your head. You turned to Eren, his bright green eyes begging to ask you questions.
"...W-would you like to ask me some questions, Eren?"
He brightened, nodding firmly, "Yes please!"
You observed him for a moment. He was quite young, so you wondered if it would be appropriate to talk about such things with him. But then again, the Scouts often passed through Shiganshina to return to the Scout Headquarters after an expedition, so he'd probably seen the injuries they'd sustained during their ventures outside the walls. You remembered the first time you'd seen the body cart they pulled through the city, faces sullen, at the young age of seven. It was an image that was burned in your memory to this day. Well, I suppose as long as I don't get too graphic, it should be fine.
"Do you want to be a Scout, Eren?"
His jaw dropped. "How'd you know?"
You stifled a laugh, he was so seemingly shocked that you'd noticed something blatantly obvious.
"Just a guess... anyways, if you have questions to ask, now's the time before your mother notices how long you've been here and gets suspicious."
He nodded firmly."Right... what's it like outside the walls?"
Pretty simple question… "Hmm... I guess it's just about what you'd imagine… except at the same time, I feel like anything you visualize wouldn't be accurate…" you rambled "The word I would use is vast, vast land, a long horizon, hills in the distance, even the air seems different, cleaner, somehow."
He chewed at his bottom lip as he came up with another question. "What was it like joining the Scouts, how difficult was it?"
"Hmm, well I joined the military when I was fifteen… my original plan was to join the Military Police, but I suppose..." you paused for a moment. What had possessed you to join the Scouts?
"...Well I suppose that my curiosity got the better of me, and I changed my mind." you finished, voice stemming with uncertainty."Basic cadet training is three years.. and it's extremely hard on your body. But eventually, through repetition, you get stronger. At the end of your three years, you'll all be ranked in numerical order based on your skill level, and the top ten get to pick between the Military Police, the Garrison, and the Scouts."
"What was your rank?"
"I was number two."
"That's amazing!"
"I'm flattered you think so."
"S-so what was it like-" he sputtered, trying to muster another question as quickly as possible, but unfortunately for him, he was interrupted.
"Eren! You better not be pestering her with questions!" Carla barked from the other room.
Eren jumped in surprise. "I-I'm not, mom!" he shouted back, with an irritated face. You chuckled, it was strange to think that the timid Dr. Jaeger had such an energetic child.
"We better get back out there," you advised, pulling yourself from the bed. Eren nodded somewhat defeatedly, and you both left the room to help Carla set up for dinner.
Levi stood stiffly in front of her door, knuckles hovering just barely over the wood. He had forgotten to return her book to her last time, so he'd figured that the hour break he got for dinner would be the opportune moment to do so. But for some reason, his hand refused to make contact with the wood. So he just stood there, with a blank expression on his face.
What am I doing?
He took in a deep breath to calm his nerves, and finally knocked on the door. He felt his breath hitch as he waited for a response. But after a couple of seconds, he remembered something very important.
She's fucking deaf…
Levi ran his hand through his hair in frustration with a heavy sigh. What was he getting so worked up for anyways? And how was he going to return the book, should he have just left it on her desk in the library? Why hadn't he done that to begin with?
I wanted to see her.
"She's not here," a voice called from behind him, quickly pulling him from his thoughts.
Levi whipped his head back and immediately grimaced. Hange stood behind them, leaning against the stone wall. And the look they were giving him...it was a big part of the reason he disliked them. Rather than looking at him as a person, the way they looked at him sometimes was the same way one might look at a scientific experiment. The eyes of an observer. Scrutinizing his every move, every shift in his expression... he would never admit it, but it was quite unsettling to him.
"What do you want?"
"She's not here, she left in the morning."
Levi felt a pang of jealousy in his chest at the fact that she had informed Hange of her plans, and not him, but he quickly dismissed it. He wasn't about to get hung up on something so trivial.
"Don't you have anything better to do than follow me around?" he sighed.
"Don't be so accusatory, Levi," they laughed, with a dismissive wave of their hand, "I didn't come here for the sole purpose of following you, I was here to deliver some documents, and I happened to see you on the way back. Then I followed you."
"That hardly makes it any better."
"The details aren't important~"
Levi felt himself getting impatient, "Well, spit it out, where did she go?"
"Shiganshina."
The dinner Carla had cooked was delicious, it had been ages since you'd had a home-cooked meal. The beef and potato stew seemed to melt away in your mouth, warming your stomach and chest. After you'd all finished eating, you hoisted yourself up from your chair with a small grunt, readjusting your skirt.
"I'll go visit my mother now, I'll be back in a few hours."
"Of course! Be careful out there!"
You smiled, "Thank you for your concern. I'll be off, then."
You gave the family a small wave as you left the house, closing the door gently behind you. You peered up into the sky at the barely setting sun. As the end of the day drew near, the town was growing quieter, as people were beginning to return to their homes. Your mother was buried under an old oak tree behind your old house, but before you headed there, you decided to go scrounging for some wildflowers to place on her grave. But seeing as you hadn't been in the town in a year, where you could find such flowers was escaping your memory. Should I just buy some…? No, why spend money when I know for certain I could get some for free? You reasoned. If there was any trait that you had adopted from your mother, it was how stingy you were with your money. You wandered mindlessly around the town, until a loose sheet of paper fluttered towards you, landing at your feet. You slowly reached down to pick it up, examining it carefully. It looked like it had been torn straight out of a book. What a shame. You straightened out the paper and began reading:
Redwood Trees
Sequoioideae, known as redwoods, are a subfamily of coniferous trees within the family Cupressaceae. It includes the largest and tallest trees in the world…
You cocked a brow. A book on plants? Weird, but you were ready to dismiss the whole thing... until another page came flying towards you from the same direction. Finally, you turned your head to the right to see where these pages were coming from.
Your eyes were met with a narrow alley. It was beginning to get dark, so it was difficult to see anything from where you stood. You slowly inched closer, until you could make out the figures of three young boys, standing in a semi-circle towards the wall, and the very muffled sounds of voices. What are they doing? Eventually one of the boys noticed you, jumping about a foot in the air once he saw you. You cocked a brow. Doing something they're not supposed to? The boy pointed an accusatory finger, fear covering his face. You saw the shape of his lips move, so you could only assume he was shouting something at you. But it was difficult to make out in the dark.
You raised both your hands up, palms out, to show you meant no harm;"...Uh, I'm sorry, but if you're going to say something to me could you come out of the alley? It would be a lot easier that way."
The boy took a small step forward, but as if he'd just remembered something, his eyes darted to the floor, and he immediately jumped back to where he'd stood. Your eyes followed his, and you were met with bright blue eyes staring back at you. It gave you a slight start, you hadn't even seen a fourth kid until that moment. Your eyes moved down to his hands, and you saw that he was clutching a torn-up book so tightly his knuckles had gone white, and the situation immediately came clear to you.
"Hey, get the hell out of there before I drag you out," you said bluntly.
Without skipping a beat, the three boys immediately made a mad dash out of the alleyway. You watched as they all ran in opposite directions, scattering away like little bugs. I suppose they aren't bold enough to try and argue with an adult… which was much better for you, anyways. They couldn't have been older than twelve, and the idea of having to throw down with some tweens in an alley the day your mom died was not very appealing to you.
As they ran off, one of them turned around, and in one final act of defiance, shouted back at you. "Bitch!"
You cocked a brow at him. How vulgar. "Whatever, just get the hell out of here," you sighed.
And now, for him… You slowly walked back into the alley and crouched down to meet the eyes of the boy on the floor. His eyes were hard set on the ground, refusing to meet your gaze. Was he ashamed? You slowly reached into your skirt pocket, and pulled out the two pages from his book that you had placed in there earlier, and held it out to him. He finally raised his eyes from the ground to your hands.
"Do you… want these?"
He slowly nodded, gingerly placing the pages back in the spots they'd been torn, and gently closed the book. Finally, he pulled himself up from the ground, patting the loose dirt from his pants.
"...Are you hurt?"
"I'm f-fine," he said, in a shaky voice. It was obvious he was just barely holding back tears, but you decided not to make a point out of it.
"Ah, that's good then… let's get out of here," you said, nudging him softly on his shoulder.
He nodded as the two of you began walking. Once you were out, he took in a heavy breath, "I-I'm sorry you had to help me." he murmured.
You clicked your tongue, "Don't worry about it, it's what any reasonable adult would do."
"Yeah, but..."
You silently observed him, as he nervously fiddled with his fingers, still not daring to look you in the eye. Was he the proud type? Did he feel ashamed that he needed help from someone else? How unreasonable, he's tiny. But then, you had an idea that might relieve him of the guilt. I hope Carla doesn't worry if I come home a bit later...
"What's your name?" you asked, "Ah- and when you say it, please make sure to annunciate it very clearly." Sometimes unique names can be hard to make out.
He cocked his head curiously at your request, "Ar-min" he said quietly.
"Armin?"
"Yes."
You nodded, "Okay Armin, I'm going to allow you to make it up to me, if you'd like."
He nodded eagerly, he seemed to be cheering up a bit.
You nodded back. "Good. Well the truth is, I don't live here, I live in Wall Rose.. but I'm here to visit the grave of someone very special to me." you explained softly, "I wanted to pick them some wildflowers, but I couldn't seem to find any. Is there any way you could help me?"
He nodded again, wiping his nose. "There's some by the stream, I can take you."
You gave him a soft smile, "I'd be very grateful."
So the two of you set off in the opposite direction. You followed him in silence for a couple of minutes, unsure of what to say. You were a single child, so you'd never had the experience of dealing with kids, aside from Eren, who had been much younger than Armin was, so you couldn't apply anything you'd learned from him to Armin. Suddenly, Armin turned to face you.
"Are you deaf?" he asked.
You blinked in surprise, you hadn't expected him to be the one to speak first… and he'd picked up that you were deaf. He was quick. "I am… though I'm surprised you noticed so quickly." you chuckled.
"I thought it was strange when you asked him to come out of the alley to speak to you, and I've noticed since then that when I speak, you look at my lips. You're a lip-reader?"
"Mhm," You nodded, "Most of the people I work with don't figure it out until I tell them, you're very bright."
He shrunk at your compliment, his round cheeks turning a light shade of pink, as he uttered a small word of thanks.
"...Where do you work?"
"I'm a librarian."
He seemed to perk up a bit at your answer, "R-really?"
"Mhm… maybe you can come to visit me when you're older..."
But that would probably mean he'd have to join the Scouts, right…?
He nodded eagerly, "Y-yes please! What kind of books do you like to read?"
You hummed in thought, taking a moment to think of your answer. "For the most part, I like reading stories, but sometimes I'll read something informational. It takes longer for me to get into, but eventually, it becomes interesting."
The two of you continued your small talk until you eventually reached the stream, and just as Armin said, along it was a multitude of brightly colored wildflowers.
"Wow..." you sighed "This is exactly what I wanted!" "Thank you, Armin!" you laughed, tousling his hair.
"Hmm… but we should probably get you home soon… I'll be sure to be quick! And then I can walk you home, I'd feel uneasy sending you off by yourself..."
"Don't worry, my Grandpa was asleep before I left, he probably still is."
He doesn't live with his parents…? "Does he sleep a lot?"
"Mhm."
"I see." you said, leaning down to get a closer look a the flowers, "Well, either way, I don't want to keep you out long. Like I said earlier, children shouldn't stay out late… except for when they are helping me specifically pick flowers," you added jokingly, earning you a small giggle from Armin.
"Now let's get to work! Can you grab some of those purple ones over there?"
You and Armin hung around the stream for about ten minutes, chatting away as you pointed out pretty flowers to each other, and being careful not to step on any of the flowers you were not picking. Soon enough, you'd had picked a copious amount of flowers. You gently arranged them into a bouquet, and tied them together with a bright red ribbon you'd placed in your skirt earlier in the day. You extended your arm out, holding the bouquet up to your eye level. You had quite the decent-looking bouquet. You smiled assuredly to yourself, turning back to Armin.
"Thank you, this looks great!" you beamed.
He blushed again at your praise, "No problem... should we get going, then?"
You nodded, "Sounds good, how far is your house?"
He shrugged, "It's about a five-minute walk."
"Let's get going, then."
After you'd dropped Armin off at his house, you finally began walking to your own home. He'd seemed sad to see you go, but after you promised to come to see him before you left, you bid him goodbye with a smile on his face. Thankfully, Armin's house was very close to your own, so it didn't take long until you were standing right in front of it. A wave of nostalgia surged through your chest as you mindlessly stared at the house, its age becoming more and more apparent with every visit. You walked past the side of the house, and to the back of the house, where the tall oak tree stood, and right beneath it, where your mother laid.
You knelt down, and carefully placed your bouquet across the center of the gravestone, and leaned back into your palms. You weren't religious, and neither was your mother, so praying would've felt awkward, so you settled on holding your hand over your heart.
Thank you for loving me, mom. I hope that wherever you may be, you're finally getting a proper rest. I hope I'm a daughter that you look down on with pride...
"I-I'm trying really hard to make you proud…" you whispered.
Before you knew it, your chest had grown tight, and your eyes wet. You took in a shuddering breath, as you pulled your handkerchief from your left pocket, and began lightly dabbing at your eyes. I'm so tired. Every day you were so tired, and at this moment, all the unresolved emotion was begging to be released. When was the last time you'd genuinely felt proud of yourself? Every day, the growing feeling of uselessness gnawed away at your brain relentlessly, but what could you do to stop it? You couldn't help Marla, you couldn't help your mom, you couldn't help the Scouts… you were just rotting away from the inside. And you could feel it, a churning in your stomach, a tightness in your chest, you could feel the sick tearing at your mentality. You could distract yourself as much as you wanted, but it was always there. Like a high-pitched ringing in your ear that just wouldn't go away…
You let out a quiet sob before slapping your hand over your mouth to silence yourself. But there was no one around. You were alone. The idea both frightened you and relieved you. You slowly removed your hand, allowing yourself to give in to the torrent of sobs you'd been biting back.
Please be proud of me…
"You've never been to the inner city?" Hange asked, cocking their head slightly at a disgruntled Levi. He glared down at the greyish mixture that the kitchen staff called porridge. He had never been particularly picky with his food, but he wasn't sure how eating the porridge would fare for the already uneasy state of his stomach.
"No."
Hange's eyes widened in excitement."Oh, don't worry! I can take you! Let's go this weekend!"
Levi shot them a look of pure distaste. He'd recently learned that they weren't completely clueless to social cues, so why did they behave this way? For the sole purpose of annoying him?
"I don't recall asking to go." he droned, before taking in a long sip of water.
Hange leaned in closer from where they sat across the table, "C'mon! Won't it be fun? I was planning on going anyway, we'll make a date out of it!"
He glowered at them bitterly, and they let out a sharp cackle.
"Woah, Woah, kidding...kidding... " they chuckled, giving him a small wave. "...But if you really don't want to go, it's a shame. It's the perfect opportunity to buy a present."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" he groaned.
"For our little librarian."
Levi tensed. "Why the hell would I buy her a gift?"
The cat-like grin that graced Hange's lips grew. "Oh? So you don't know then...Oh dear, how are you going to win her heart over like this?" they asked, condescension dripping from their voice.
Levi slammed his cup down on the table with a shuddering thud. He could feel his face beginning to heat up, but that didn't stop him from shooting Hange another venomous glare. Hange raised their eyebrows in amusement. It's a miracle that the cup is still intact, they mused. Although they had been the one to egg him on, they could feel their heartbeat rising to their ears… it was impossible to remain unwavered by his deathly glare.
"If you have something to say, then spit it out," he ordered, in a low voice.
"Her birthday is next week." They responded coolly.
Levi sighed, "Is that it?"
Hange frowned at him. "What do you mean 'is that it', it's her birthday! Don't you want to do something nice for her?" they demanded.
Levi shrugged. "Where I come from, half the people didn't even know their real birthdays. No one really gave a shit, either. "
"Well, fine." they sighed, with a small pout, "If you don't want to do anything, I can't force you..." they said, as they swept themselves off the dining bench, beginning to gather their things. As they reached over for their fork, they stopped and turned their eyes up to Levi, dark eyes peering at him through their lashes. As uncomfortable as it made him, he couldn't help but stare back. The look in their eyes was uncharacteristically serious, his curiosity captivated him.
"But who knows…" they said softly, "Maybe the gift I get her will be enough to woo her."
Levi felt his breath hitch. Had his suspicions about them been true? Without saying another word, they pulled themselves up and began walking back to the exit. Before he could stop himself, he shot up from his seat on the bench.
"Hange."
Hange turned back to face him.
Now that their eyes were locked, he was unsure of what he actually wanted to say, "You don't..." he struggled to find the words.
Hange gave him a small, coy smile.
"Who knows?"
