Okuda is the first person to ask.

It's a lazy afternoon and they're in the middle of another tutoring session. Okuda's just finished up a particularly difficult Language question and she's chipping away at some smaller ones when a silence falls over the room. It's absentmindedly, almost, that she speaks up... saying:

"You're good enough at this to do it full time, you know. Why don't you teach more classes?"

Aguri frowns, and Okuda quickly apologizes- saying she's sorry if she'd crossed any boundaries. She's just… curious.

"You seem really smart. And it's been about a month now. Why are you still teaching just Home EC? Is it that you don't feel ready, or…?" She drifts off. Taps her pencil on the desk. "Well, you don't really have to tell me. But I wanted you to know- I guess... that you're helping me out a lot with all of this. That you could do more if you wanted."

Aguri's hardly sure about that. It feels like most of her time mentoring Okuda is spent poring through textbooks. Nevertheless, she's flattered by the girl's words. And she admits, truthfully, that she'd like to if she could.

"But… it's not that easy, is it?" She asks. "The reason I started teaching Home EC is because it's a kind of nothing subject. Anything more than that and I'd feel like I was overstepping a boundary."

Okuda tilts her head. Frowns. "Why?"

"Well… this school is clearly renowned," Aguri explains. "Not only am I afraid that I've forgotten most of the curriculum, but it's also possible I was never capable of teaching at that level in the first place."

After all, she was assigned as a teacher to the E-Class. Of course she believes they could have done it from the beginning… it's more than clear they were capable, but she's beginning to understand the system by now- and they were set up to fail. Their principal didn't want them to succeed. And surely a fresh-faced teacher was a way of doing that.

She never could have gotten them to the level that Korosensei did. That was all part of the plan. And if she couldn't then, then there's no way she could now.

"You kids have come really far since I last saw you. I'd hate to dumb down your lessons, especially when you're doing so well."

"Well… Asano-san hired you, didn't he?" Okuda asks. "Surely he had to have faith in you. He wouldn't hire someone he thought wasn't competent."

"No," Aguri agrees. "He wouldn't. You're right." But she doesn't bother to add on that she has a feeling that was part of the plan. She still remembers Gakuho staring her down like a hawk when she returned to the school. And as much as she tries to have faith in the man, she also has a feeling that he hired her as much out of curiosity to see her collapse as a belief in her competence.

('Scientifically,' she thinks he was looking at her. Like Yanagisawa. Except this time less literally… and in more of a social experiment sort of sense.)

'No,' she quickly rectifies. She shouldn't think about her boss that way. She's sure he's a fine person. She's just... also sure he let her back on the team out of some sort of dedication to his perfect, carefully-calculated system.

(A system in which she plays a part.)

"But… it's not just that, anyways. My ability to teach on paper, I mean. I guess I'm also just afraid of clicking with you guys less. Not being as charismatic or cool as Korosensei is. Especially with my… situation. I don't want to remind you kids of something scary."

Aguri glances downwards… fidgets with her hands. It's funny. She tries to forget sometimes, but she's never really unaware of just how they look. Her thin, wiry fingers are marred with red veins- and they twitch each time she takes a step towards the chalkboard. The thought of standing up in front of class like that- it's unimaginable. She couldn't make the students go through that.

"I think I'd much rather… have you guys interact with me on a case by case basis. Have to ask for me to talk, you know? I don't want to force my presence on anyone. Just let them approach me instead."

Okuda's quiet for a minute, answering another Language question. She lets her lip twitch slightly… reaches up to readjust her glasses.

"Well, that's noble in principle, but I think everyone really likes you, Yukimura-sensei. It wouldn't feel like you were forcing yourself into anything. We'd be happy to have you around."

"You say that," Aguri says. "But what if you just think it? What if I…- what if I get up there and everyone doesn't like it, but is too afraid to say anything? Or if someone has reservations but doesn't know how to share? I don't want to make school miserable for anyone." She pauses- shakes her head. "And I know that that means I should just talk to them about setting up those boundaries, but-"

"No," Okuda interrupts, holding up a finger. "I get it. Don't worry, I know: talking is hard." A pause. "And… it's still worth it most of the time, of course. But that doesn't make it any easier to get started. 'Specially not when you have that voice in the back of your head saying that everyone secretly hates you and that they're just annoyed to have you around."

Aguri frowns- tenses a bit. Focus suddenly shifting from herself, she says, "You don't feel that way, do you?"

"No," Okuda says. "Not anymore." A pause. "Well… sometimes, I guess. But Korosensei helped me work through most of it. Now I know that my friends like having me around. That… um- we wouldn't be friends if they didn't. And if they did actually secretly hate me like I thought then they wouldn't go out of their way to include me in stuff. That's not what people who hate other people do."

"Do you feel that way, Yukimura-sensei?" she asks. "Secretly disliked? Or- is it? Is it something else?"

"Well… I guess it's kind of that. But not to that extent," Aguri says, not wanting to worry her. "I think more than anything I'm just scared of putting myself in places that I don't belong. Holding people back."

"Mmm," Okuda says. "Yeah. I get that." She frowns, slightly… looks deep in thought. And as she reaches over to grab at an eraser, she says, "We weren't very nice to you back when we were your students, were we?"

It takes Aguri a second to even realize what she's talking about. But slowly it dawns on her. Ahh, yes. back then. Before all of this. She supposes the students hadn't really liked her, had they?

Long days in a dimly lit classroom… children telling her to just give up. But they weren't telling her to give up on herself, were they? They were telling her to give up on…-

"I don't mind," she says. "I know you guys weren't trying to be harmful. You were just hurting. And besides, I don't remember you being particularly mean, Okuda."

Terasaka and Nakamura, sure. But Okuda? She didn't stir up any trouble. She mostly just sat in the back of class and made Aguri sad. There's no harm in that.

"Still… I should have stood up," the girl insists. "I knew it was wrong but I was too afraid to say anything. Isn't that cowardly? Or at the very least, selfish?" She pauses… drifts off. "I hate being part of the reason you think we won't like you."

Aguri frowns. And all at once, she knows she shouldn't have been talking about this with a student. It's far too easy for Okuda to blame herself. But the truth is this isn't her- or any of the students'- faults in the first place.

"You're not part of the reason, Okuda," she insists, shaking her head. "None of you are. It's not your actions that did this to me. It's something else." A pause. "Something with me. And so please don't feel guilty. What happened to me… it's not your fault."

Maybe she should divert. The students aren't the only reason she's afraid to come back for real, are they? There's other things, too.

"And besides, it's not just a fear you guys won't like me, anyways. Like I said: I'm also afraid that I won't do the job well… or that I won't be passionate about it or whatever. There are a lot of elements going into my hesitation. It can't just be chalked up to any one thing."

"Mmm," Okuda replies. "I get that. Sorry. I'm not trying to make this about me. I guess I'm just… worried." She shifts in her seat- reaches up to run a hand through her hair. "You seemed really passionate about all of this teaching stuff back then. Has that really gone away?"

Aguri sighs. Gives a shrug.

"Maybe," she says. "A lot of things have changed."

She knows that's not true. She loves teaching- even after everything she's been through. She looks forward to teaching Home EC and these tutoring sessions every day. Realistically she'd love to teach more. But there's this sort of… mental block and she can't pinpoint it. It's frustrating. She knows if she keeps putting it off she'll never get to teach again before her deadline is up… but she doesn't even know where to start.

Okuda's quiet for a bit, mulling over her words as she continues to chip away at her work. She pencils down an answer… though soon backtracks, hurrying to erase it as another solution comes to mind. She gnaws on her lip… glancing towards Aguri just as if to check she's correct, before scooting back a bit and saying:

"Maybe you could start with your favorite. I'm- uh…- sorry if it feels like I'm pushing… if you don't wanna talk about this then you can just tell me and I'll shut up. But I guess I'm a little bit afraid that one day I'll look back on this conversation and regret not saying anything, too. Do you have, um… a favorite? A subject that you think you're really good at, I mean. Maybe that'll feel less scary to approach."

"Well," Aguri says, hesitating for a long moment. The answer comes to her so naturally, and yet she's somehow still afraid to share. What is it? Why is there this weight? "It used to be chemistry, but…-"

Okuda jolts. Eyes lighting up, she leans forward and says "R-really!? Mine too! I love chemistry!" Though she soon wilts. Eyebrows furrowed, she asks "Why used to be? Did something happen?"

Aguri thinks about chemistry. Long days spent in the lab and the ways chemical combinations can be used for evil. What once used to give her comfort now makes her hands shake. And sad as she is to admit it- she feels like she's lost control.

However, she doesn't dare share any of that. Instead, not wanting to worry Okuda, she simply says she 'fell out of interest.'

...Okuda gets it anyways. Recognition dawning in her eyes she shrinks back slightly and apologizes.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I… - uh… didn't realize. I hope I didn't bring back any bad memories."

"No," Aguri says, rotating herself back towards the desk. "Don't worry. You didn't." A pause. She shakes her head. "Anyways… we should get back to work. Try not to worry about it."

Okuda nods and returns her focus to the paper. She clutches her pencil tight… staring at a question for a long moment before hesitantly penciling down an answer. This time she doesn't look Aguri's way.

That's okay. Aguri is caught up in her own thoughts now, anyways. They drift off to a different time. She's mulling over college textbooks, and somehow everything seems so wonderful. It's truly fascinating the way the world functions… working together in a perfect sort of system. How did people ever get all of this figured out? It's amazing just what they as a race have accomplished.

She hopes to make a discovery like that one day. She knows she's just a dumb middle school teacher, but there's no such thing as too much hope, is there? Who knows! Even she could change the world!

(She could do it with her students!)

She loves that, she thinks. She loves change. The idea that something can shift- surprise you at any moment. It's freeing.

But then she's back in the present, and suddenly everything seems a bit less magical.

("Oh? You're into science, too? I'm minoring in chemistry! And you?"

"Pharmaceuticals. I'm going to do something incredible.")

Her heart rate slows. She lets out a deep, heavy sort of breath... shaking her head. She lowers her gaze to her hands and focuses on the sensation of her blood running through her veins. There's still an ache to it. She can't feel it as much now that her body's gone numb, but it hasn't let up once since she ended up in that place, has it?

('A chemical reaction produces a new substance,' her textbook drawls. 'Oftentimes, this change cannot be undone.')

'Ha,' she thinks. 'Trust me. I know.'

They sit in silence for another long moment. When Okuda speaks up it's abrupt.

"When you really think about it, I guess I could have some reasons to dislike chemistry, too."

There's a sort of sad softness to her voice. And her words hang heavy in the air. Frowning, confused, Aguri asks her what she means.

"You just said it was your favorite subject, didn't you?"

"I did," Okuda replies simply. "And I do like chemistry. That's why I worded that the way I did. I could have a reason to dislike it," she explains. "You see - I... uh… have a pretty severe anxiety disorder."

She shifts a bit in her seat. Frowns. "I'm not sure how obvious that is, but I do. I, um- have problems approaching people. Believing in myself. A lot of the time I'm scared of people secretly hating me… or something bad happening behind my back. It can feel constant. Worrying and worrying and worrying. You know?"

"That disorder stems from… an imbalance in my brain. Now I'm no expert- I'm more of a chemist than a psychologist or anything, but when you think about it, brain chemistry is a kind of chemistry, too. It can also be reasoned out." A pause. "I feel the way I do not because of nothing- but because of a lack of serotonin. An excess of norepinephrine. That kind of thing."

"And in a weird way… that comforts me. It makes me- um-? Hate chemistry less instead of more? If I wanted to I could resent the way the world functions because it causes me to feel this way. But instead… I- I actually like learning about how it works. Because it makes me feel like I have more control over my situation."

"Something… really bad happened to you because of a mix of chemistry and other sciences. But wouldn't you feel a lot less afraid if you knew what was going on? Then you wouldn't have to…- to rely on his research for validation. You could come to a conclusion on your own. And surely that would help you retake some aspect of your life. "

"Not that… not that I really know what I'm talking about," she admits. "An anxiety disorder and what happened to you are some really different things. But I guess I just wanted to say that I… uh? Get it to an extent? And that… that's what works for me."

She flinches back a bit… averts her gaze. Gnawing on her lip, Okuda waits, anxiously, for an answer.

And quietly, Aguri thinks.

Okuda… has a point.

She must admit it's still a bit scary. But… that would make it less, wouldn't it? She's spent so long now going off of Yanagisawa's understanding of what happened to her. But maybe if she researched it she could understand for real. Make steps to fix it-

('No,' she thinks. 'That's hardly even a possibility.' She's not smart enough for that. All the same, though…)

She could ease herself into it slowly. Re… re-pick-up the basic skills by teaching the students and then use them to further an understanding of herself. What is it she knows about chemistry again? Is there something that can help her out?

Please. There's got to be something to make it more clear.

She shuts her eyes... breathes in deep. Suddenly she's back in her bedroom in college again, but she's not reading about destruction. She's reading about change.

'Matter is never created or destroyed in the chemical process. The particles of one substance are rearranged to form a new substance. The same number of particles that exist before the reaction also exist after the reaction.'

And while most reactions are permanent, not all are.

'Some chemical changes can be reversed, albeit only by other chemical changes. For example, to undo tarnish on a copper penny… you must simply place it in vinegar.'

She knows it won't work. This is a lot more complicated than a penny. But… the idea makes her heart catch in her throat- and she hasn't felt that way in a very long time. She said she wanted to hope, right? Then… maybe trying to understand it could be the key.

Don't get her wrong: the idea of seeing what's truly happened to her under a microscope also seems scary. But… she's tired. She's tired of not knowing. She wants to be able to learn.

And chemistry could be the start of that.

If she's going to start with another class then that will be the one. Despite everything, she can feel the passion bubbling even now. Who is she to suppress that?

How could she when she has less than a year left?

Okuda starts to speak up. Saying, "Miss- Miss Yukimura? Is something wrong?" She pokes at Aguri's side. Aguri speaks up before she can continue, however… reaching up to wipe at her eyes.

"And you told me you were bad at language?" She asks. "That was beautiful."

Okuda jolts. Glancing down at her paper, then back up at Aguri, she asks "You really think so?"

"Of course," Aguri replies. "You worded that wonderfully. And… thank you. I think I really needed to hear your perspective right now."

"N… no!" Okuda replies. "Thank you! That… actually means a lot to hear."

They do the rest of their work in silence. Of course… with time, that newfound hope fades. Aguri's heart sinks, and she begins to find more holes in her plan. All the same, though… she tries her best to cling to that hope- remember how it felt for even a second. And steeling herself she decides that- yes. She's going to do it.

She wants to be a real teacher again.

By the time they're finished it's a bit past four. Okuda stands and asks if that means she can go. She says she has a bit she wants to do after class… and that she hopes she's caught up enough on her work for now.

"Of course you can go," Aguri replies. Though before she lets her leave, she's sure to thank her one more time.

"Thank you for reaching out to me, Okuda. I want you to know you were under no obligation to do that… it's not your job to work through my issues and I don't want this to become the norm. But I do appreciate it, and I'll make sure to keep your words in mind. I don't want all of that effort to end up going to waste."

"Of course," Okuda replies. "And… don't worry. I get that. I don't really think you made me work through too much at all, honestly." A pause. "I just said what I was thinking. That… and listened. Any important conclusions you came to on your own. Thank you for hearing me out. I know what it's like to need someone to talk to and how hard it can be to start. Especially not when…" she gives a pause. "Well, when you've always thought you weren't any good at putting your feelings into words."

She gives one last smile— and with that, she's gone. Aguri's still for a moment... but follows soon after. And that night she's sure to tell Korosensei what it is they discussed.

"Oh," he says, looking surprised. "And so you'd like to try teaching more classes? That's wonderful!"

"Maybe," Aguri says, rubbing her arm. "It's still kind of a whim of the moment thing, but…"

She doesn't get to finish. She drifts off as he places his hand on her shoulder.

"That's okay," he says. "You can back out at any time. Even so..." He tells her the same thing Okuda did. "I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about. You'll do great."

Aguri's not sure about that, but she'd like to try. She spends the next few days scouring over science textbooks… and when she feels ready they announce it to the class.

She takes the forefront of their chemistry lessons. Of course Korosensei is still willing to step in and help out where needed, but she leads the operation. She starts to teach the class... and it feels wonderful. Of course, she's still anxious more often than not- but the students don't judge her. And they end up learning some pretty fun stuff together.

'Wow,' she thinks. 'Is this what I was missing?'

Korosensei's not the only one who's congratulatory. Okuda seems relieved her words had some effect… and she approaches Aguri after class: telling her she'd done a good job. Akari roots Aguri on silently, and even Itona gives an approving sort of nod. Irina says that Aguri's moving surprisingly fast. It feels like just yesterday she was trying to pressure her into picking up Home EC.

Yes. Everyone seems happy.

Well… except for one person.

She doesn't really notice it at first, but it soon becomes apparent there's one person here who's less than pleased with her predicament. He stares at her from the back of class with piercing eyes… and more often than not excuses himself from the room when it's her turn to teach. His behavior has changed very little since the two of them first met. And that unsettles Aguri on an instinctual level.

That's right: Tadaomi Karasuma. He's still behaving the same.

At first she tries to ignore it. But the subtle behavior begins to eat at her… and she wonders what she's doing wrong. He studies her carefully and makes notes in his little laptop. He looks mad, almost, as she interacts with the students. And he still doesn't respond when she attempts to make small talk. She supposes that's par for the course for him- he ignores Korosensei and Irina for the most part, too… maybe he's just shy. But it feels different with her somehow.

Does… he dislike her? And if so, why? She's been trying really hard to be kind to him. Is that not enough? And if so… is there anything she can do at all?

('You know that some people are bound to dislike you,' she tells herself. 'You know that that's bound to be most people.' But all the same… it bothers her.

She's got to spend time around this person. Is it really so much to ask he be courteous? )

She pulls him aside one day during lunch. Well… it's less ' pulls him aside' and more 'ends up alone with him,' but it's all the same to her.' Korosensei's off in Cuba grabbing some sort of exotic dish… and Irina's off doing whatever it is Irina actually does while the kids eat outside- leaving Aguri and Karasuma alone. Usually when this sort of thing happens Karasuma is quick to duck out. But Aguri doesn't allow him. Not today.

"Hey," she says before he can even get a chance to stand. "How are you doing today? I don't feel like we talk nearly enough. I'd like to get to know you better sometime."

Karasuma's quiet for a bit: tensing, as he continues to grab at his stuff. He gives a curt, unimpressed sort of nod, and says "I'm fine. Though I'm really quite busy."

"Mmm," Aguri replies, noting his lack of a 'and what about you?' His knuckles are a pale white… and there's a visible discomfort to his face. He hurries to gather his things- tucking his laptop in underneath his arm as he stands. He scoops up his lunch… turning around.

"Going already?" Aguri asks. "I was thinking we could chat a bit.-"

"No thank you," Karasuma replies, point-blank. "I'm not much of a talker. I apologize. And anyways… I've got some work to do. I'm sorry, but I'll be seeing you around."

He makes his way across the room… reaches out for the door. And some part of Aguri is tempted to leave it at just that: another failed conversation between the two of them. But another part of her resents the very thought… and she'd like to speak up. She's heard Korosensei and Irina talk fondly about this person so many times. And she wants to see what it is they see. She wants to know what she's doing wrong.

"Pardon me if this is rude, but… do you dislike me or something?"

At first she doesn't process that she'd said it either. But as Karasuma pauses mid-motion- his hand still reaching out for the door… it dawns on her. And to her surprise, Aguri doesn't back down.

She hardens her gaze… frowns a bit and gets to her feet herself. She's not taken a step closer to Karasuma when he responds.

"...I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

His voice is cold as ice.

"Well…" she continues. "I couldn't help but notice that you've been avoiding me. Why? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable? Or am I just misinterpreting? I'd like to get along with you if possible, but these sort of interactions are making it hard. I'm getting the impression that you don't want to interact with me at all."

She's not asking to start an argument. She doesn't think he's necessarily in the wrong, after all. She'd just like to know what's going on. What she can change. There has to be something, right?

(She can't spend the rest of her year hovering like this.)

"Oh," Karasuma says… and tenses for a bit. His lips draw back and his brow furrows- deep in thought. He soon relaxes however… and shakes his head. He's utterly unemotive as he says, "No. I don't dislike you. I'm not sure where you got that idea."

His words are point-blank. And for a second Aguri is inclined to believe him. How could he say it so matter of factly if he really did? All the same, though… her stomach starts to churn, and those doubts begin to resolidify. No. His tone of voice means nothing. He sounds like this all of the time. It's his body language she needs to pay attention to, and…-

He's looking back at her with those cold, dispassionate eyes.

"Well, I got that idea because you haven't been particularly nice to me," Aguri says. Though she quickly backpedals as she sees Karasuma's posture shift. "Not that that matters, of course. I really don't mind, honestly. If I were in your shoes I'd dislike me, too. But I'd just like to know the truth about what's going on. So that… that if I make you uncomfortable I can avoid you, too, you know?"

She gives a pause. Shakes her head. "I don't want to overstep any bounds."

Karasuma's quiet. However… averting his gaze, he once again repeats, "It's not that I dislike you. I don't."

"But there is something going on," Aguri responds. "You'll admit that?"

"Now I never said-"

"You won't even look at me."

Karasuma drifts off… shoulders wilting. And Aguri's admittedly surprised by her own outburst. All the same, stepping forward, she shakes her head and continues.

"You haven't met my eyes once since we started this conversation. And whenever you do look my way it's scary and analytical. It's clear that you've got some sort of beef with me… even if I don't know what it is, and I'd like to change that. I don't want to make your job harder, you know."

Turning, slightly, Karasuma says "I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice. My job is going to be hard either way."

"But does it have to be?" Aguri insists. "If there's something I can change even a little… then I will! Or- I…- I'd at least like you to be honest with me. What is your problem with me? Is it something I did? The way I look or act? Or something to do with the kids? Do you think that I'm putting them in danger? Or that I'm a bad teacher, even?"

"Of course not," Karasuma insists. "It's simply something that…-" He pauses. Shakes his head. "There's not an issue at all. You're imagining it."

But she's not. She knows she's not! He's been the one who's been coldest to her from day one. And to say that there's not an issue… she knows that that's a big fat lie!

"You're the one who's getting all of the most recent information on me. Surely the government's told you something. W-what is it? What are they saying about me?"

"Nothing. And so just drop it."

"No!" Aguri replies. "I want to know. Please. What is their problem with me? Is it something that I can fix, or-?"

"No! The government's not involved in this at all!"

And that shuts Aguri up.

It's the first time that Karasuma's raised his voice throughout this entire conversation. And it shocks her. She takes a step back… flinching slightly.

He turns slowly: looks her dead in the eyes.

"My issue with you is a matter of mine. And it's not something you can fix, either. So I'm afraid you'll have to drop it. "

There it is: the confirmation she was looking for. Somehow Aguri expected to feel vindicated, but instead she's just sick. Hands shaking, she stares down at the ground.

"...At least tell me," she whispers. "Please. I'm begging you. After all that's happened it's the least that you can do."

Karasuma's nose wrinkles. And looking disgusted- uncomfortable… he turns once more. He breaks eye contact- only glancing, briefly, at the way that she shivers. And reaching out for the door he says, "Your eyes are too human. I don't think I can deal with that."

It's not the answer that Aguri expected. Taken aback, she asks him what exactly that is supposed to mean.

"H-human? That's not-"

"You are going to be dead by the end of the year," Karasuma says, point blank. "That is a fact. Whether you take the rest of the planet down with you or not, you are going to disappear. And the rest of the world is going to have to deal with that. I'm not particularly interested in playing friends with you. Especially not when it's clear you don't intend to pretend."

"Pretend?" Aguri repeats. "What are you talking about?"

"The octopus is able to move on. The octopus is able to pretend to be something he's not. He's larger than life. Eccentric." A pause. "I'm not getting attached to him either… but at least I can forget what he's gone through. I look at your eyes and your experience is written all over your face."

"You are not a super-teacher. You are not some caricature. You are a woman who was brutally snatched away from her home and experimented on. You are a person who can't stand to be looked at. And you are going to die. I'd prefer not having to think about an innocent person going through that any more than necessary."

"I apologize," he continues, turning. "It's not that I expect you to pretend. And I didn't intend to snap. But… I'd much prefer not to look." He frowns. Reaches out for the door. "I hope that you can understand."

For just a split second he looks almost ashamed. That guilt soon fades, however… and his gaze re-hardens. There's an intensity behind his eyes, and yet an intentional sort of nothingness.

Aguri feels her heart sink. He… pities her? She can hardly even fathom it. And somehow the thought makes her feel sick. No wonder he's been avoiding her. She makes him feel sad. And that means that it is her fault. Intentional or not, this is something she's causing. A disruption that she's bringing on herself. And if she were able to get better faster, then perhaps this wouldn't be happening.

She opens her mouth to speak- but not a single word comes out. 'Why?' she thinks, staring at Karasuma shadowed by the doorway. 'Why is he feeling sympathy for me at all? It's not like I deserve it.'

And when she finally says something, it's not about herself.

Karasuma's words… bother her. There's something else that's not adding up. And that's what she ends up pointing out before he can go.

"...Korosensei was innocent, too."

"What?" Karasuma says, reeling back slightly.

"You said that you're treating me differently because you're uncomfortable with what happened to me. But he went through the same thing. I don't like… I don't like the implication that I'm the only innocent one here." A pause. "...He didn't deserve that either."

"...Of course not," Karasuma says slowly. "But he is not in the same situation as you."

"And why on earth not?"

"He was a criminal, Yukimura."

"And so you're saying he deserved it!?"

"No."

"Really!? Because that's what it sounds like."

"What I am saying is that we are not talking about him right now," Karasuma says. He takes a deep breath... shuts his eyes. "We are talking about you. And while you'd much prefer to have the pity on someone else, he is an assassin who killed thousands. You, meanwhile, are a completely average woman who was dragged out of your home, beaten half to death, and used as a guinea pig in some psychopath's experiment. One of you was a little more equipped to handle that."

Aguri stares. Feeling her lip quiver, she blinks back tears. She knows that he's right, but it makes her heart ache. She hates talking about herself in this way! Having- having people look at her as if she deserves their sympathy. She's the one who had this coming for her- not Korosensei. Why won't Karasuma and everyone else just see that? See she was destined for this kind of fate from the beginning? That-

"...We're both going to die."

Karasuma pauses. Shifts slightly. "Excuse me?"

"You say we're so different, but we're both going to die at the end of the year."

"Yes," Karasuma says slowly, finally taking a hold of the door. "And that's what I've been trying to tell you. The only difference there is that I think I can handle seeing his death. I'd much prefer not to see yours."

He steps outside; pauses for a moment, but still doesn't bother to glance back.

"Can I go now? Or do you have something else to tell me? I believe I've said all that needs to be said."

"You… you can go," Aguri murmurs, not sure what else to say. "I'm sorry for holding you up."

"Mmm," Karasuma responds… shaking his head. "Forget it. Just leave me alone from now on. I'm interested in a work relationship- nothing more."

And with that… he's gone. He doesn't even wait for a response. He simply leaves- the click of his shoes echoing back down the hallway as he goes.

Aguri notices, absentminded, that he'd left his lunch. Sitting, untouched on one of the students' desks he must have placed it down in the middle of their argument.

She stares at it, but doesn't even consider following to return it. She simply doesn't have the strength. Not at the moment. And so instead… feeling a bit lightheaded, she stumbles over to a chair and struggles to breathe.

He sees her life as worthless because it's going to end. And Korosensei's as even more so because of his past. How!? Why!? What sort of conclusion is that? Does that really mean that he thinks her happiness isn't worth pursuing? Or does he just not want to look? It's not like she's asking him to be her best friend or anything! She just wants to be treated courteously. And he expects her to hide herself away.

She found the humanity she was looking for in Karasuma, alright. But it wasn't the kind she wanted. And… it hurts her heart. She was so sure she could get him to open up with just a little bit of a push. But now she feels further from him than ever.

She doesn't know why she's so angry… so sad. He was nice to her, after all. He told her he felt bad! But she doesn't feel any better. Was there some sort of iciness to his words, or is she just a hateful person? Mad at the fact he told her to look out for herself?

She… doesn't know. She wishes she'd gotten the chance to bring up the fact that the government had been working with Yanagisawa, but it's too late now. Things had escalated so quickly. And anyways… what's the point? It's clear she's upset Karasuma enough as is.

(He… shouldn't have to think about her anymore than he already has.)

She breathlessly sits down... shakes her head. There's no use in thinking about it now. She's got to calm down. Korosensei and Irina will be back soon, and they'll bring the kids with them. She can't allow them to see her in this state. She's worried them like she's worried Karasuma, after all… and that behavior needs to stop.

Reaching out for tissues she shakes her head… blows her nose hard. And as she forces the anger in her chest to subside she repeats what she's been telling herself about Karasuma all year: that she'll surely get through to him at some point. That what she's feeling is in no way his fault.

Because… yeah, sure. He's cold. And temperamental. And… maybe even something else. But he's got a good heart- she's sure of it. He has to. Because Irina's in love with him. And Korosensei calls him his friend. And that means Karasuma has to love them back. They're two people who are too smart to get taken advantage of.

She'll… see something good in him if it's the death of her. And yeah, sure. She won't interact with him… she'll leave him alone like he asked. But she'll watch him from afar. And she will uncover that little gold lining- she swears.

At least… she thinks so.

Because even telling herself that, she stares across the room at his lunchbox, and feels her conviction start to waver.


That afternoon she decides to hang out with Irina. It's not her idea, actually. Irina says she's going shopping and asks if Aguri'd like to come with. Then, to Aguri's surprise… she actually agrees. She's got a lot swimming around in her mind, and she could use some time to cool down.

"I'm gonna need a second to grab my disguise, though. Is that okay with you?"

"Disguise?" Irina asks. "Oh. Yeah. That same janky thing you wore to the sports festival. No. I don't mind. If you take too long I'll probably just end up looking around on my own. Take your time or whatever." She pauses. Shakes her head. "Meet me at Gyaru No Nakama street. I've heard they've got some pretty interesting stores."

"Can do," Aguri replies, giving her a thumbs up. She's not quite sure she trusts Irina's taste in 'interesting,' but it's too late now. She's already agreed.

She goes home and gets dressed up. Korosensei tells her to have a good time: that he's happy she's getting out of the house.

"I'm glad to see you getting along with the other teachers, you know," he exclaims. "For a little bit there I was worried things wouldn't work out. Glad to see I was wrong."

"Mmm," Aguri replies, adjusting her wig in the mirror. She tries not to think too hard about the events from earlier today. There's no use in dwelling on it. And besides… Korosensei is right about one thing.

Irina likes her at the very least.

She waves Aguri over the minute she sees her arrive. It's a lazy, casual sort of thing… in no way overly excited, but all the same, it warms Aguri's heart. She's happy to get to spend some time with Irina… even if she's a little bit flabbergasted by what comes next.

"Oh man," Irina says, giving Aguri a look over. "You look like shit. Some disguise that is."

For half a second Aguri's shocked. But any hurt quickly fades. 'Ah… right,' she reminds herself, meeting Irina's amused gaze. 'That's just how she is.' She can't believe she almost forgot.

And that means that… her words aren't personal. They're coming from a place of companionship. Horribly misguided, but well-intended companionship.

And she is right that the disguise is pretty bad.

It's been improved a little bit since Aguri last went out… but not by much. She's got a longer wig to cover her sorry excuse for hair, and an oversized hoodie to mask her face and arms. Korosensei'd told her that she can improve the disguise by trying to put on a more human skin tone, but she's not exactly sure how to go about that, and so for now she supposes she's just trying to pass herself off as some sort of sun-starved hikikomori. At least... until she remembers she basically already is one.

'Goddamn it,' she thinks. 'You really need to get out more.'

But dwelling on none of that she shakes her head and agrees that the whole thing is pretty bad. Stifling an awkward laugh, she says "Yeah. 'Shit' is about right."

Irina smiles. Takes her hand. "Come on," she says. "Let's get you into something less atrocious. It's about damn time."

And Aguri follows after. Admittedly the whole thing is still kind of shocking, but she'll take Irina's joking, blunt attitude any day over Karasuma's too-real, well-hidden one.

As she expected… the clothes aren't exactly her style. They're more up Irina's alley- with dark, seductive colors and lots of skin showing. She holds up a low-cut shirt… tilting her head and asking Aguri if she thinks it'd frame her body well.

"On one hand," she says. "That is a great color. But on the other hand… it's not very skin-tight. Do you think anyone would be able to make out my boobs?"

"O- oh," Aguri replies. "I don't know, really. This is barely my forte."

She feels like a fish out of water. Not only is she now in public, which she's barely prepared for… but she's somewhere which tends to earn people a lot of attention. She can hear whispers… spot glances sent her way. And as Irina slings the shirt under her arm, she frowns.

"People are looking at us," she says. "Are you really sure I should be somewhere like this?"

"Why the hell shouldn't you be?" Irina replies. "And they're not looking at you, anyways. I'm the white chick barely wearing pants and talking about my rocking tits. They're staring at me. Don't worry about it, alright? I'll eat up all that unwanted attention."

She struts confidently. Plucks up another shirt and a pair of pants that are way too short for her. Aguri lets out a sigh. She has a feeling that everyone is still kind of looking at her… but Irina's right in that she's an attention-grabber. That, and kind of bizarre in her own right, too. They're both out of place.

She briefly considers telling Irina about what happened earlier today, but soon decides against it. No. They're having a relaxing 'girls night.' She doesn't need to make Irina worry about Karasuma. And besides… it's not like asking Irina 'why do you like him anyways?' would do much. Irina's already shared.

What is it she said to Korosensei during her fake confession? Something about not objectifying her and getting right to the point? Aguri's not really sure that's a reason to like a guy, but then again she's not Irina, so it's not really for her to decide. Sometimes you just like who you like!

And for all she knows Karasuma is better to Irina than he is to her, anyways. That kind of changes things, too.

(She tries not to think too hard about what Karasuma said about Korosensei being a killer. Tries not to think about how that applies to Irina, too. No… Karasuma would never wish that on Irina. Not on the person who loves him.

No-one would.)

She doesn't get a chance to dwell on it for long. Irina snaps her out of her trance. Pointing a finger she elbows Aguri and says "Hey. Look at this."

Aguri's gaze drifts to a shirt on full display. A dull, washed-out yellowish color… it features a print of a pair of tweezers and a copious amount of sequins. Littered all over the fabric in no sort of recognizable pattern- a sharp contrast to the pale shade of the shirt itself- they glimmer in the overhead lights.

"Can you believe they put that on a shirt? And I thought the fashion back where I came from was bad. You'd have to be some sort of idiot to-"

"I love it!"

Aguri wastes no time. Snatching the shirt up in her arms, she holds it tight to her chest and says "I need it! Don't you think?"

Irina stares at her like she's an insane person. And Aguri feels her heart sink a bit. Admittedly the shirt is gaudy, and she's not sure it'll fit her… but-

"Ah. Right," Irina says, glancing down at what Aguri's already wearing. "You would like something like that, wouldn't you?"

She cracks a smile.

(That's alright. Korosensei can fix it up for her.)

Aguri decides to take the shirt with her. And soon after they make their way to the dressing room. Irina instructs Aguri to show off at least a few of the things she'd grabbed.

"Nuts as it is seeing what on earth you're actually into, it's also nice having a conversation that passes the bechdel test for once."

Aguri nods… pretending she knows what that means, and says that Irina should probably go first.

"You're the one who has more experience with this sort of thing. And you picked out more clothes, anyways. Go on now. Don't waste any time."

Irina nods. She heads off into the changing room and returns a minute or so later… now sporting a fashionable crop top and even shorter shorts.

"What do you think?" She asks, glancing down, unimpressed, at her nails. "I thought the whole vibe would be a lot hotter, but this is honestly kind of lame."

That's lame? That's lame!? Okay, if that's Irina's idea of lame then Aguri would love to see her idea of fashionable.

"Are you kidding me!?" She says, shaking her head. "You look great!"

And her next few outfits are much the same. Each as appealing as the last, she showcases dark tube tops and skintight pants. Aguri stares in awe. She's thankful that Irina's bewitchingness no longer makes her as jealous as it used to. Admittedly she's still a bit insecure in comparison… but it doesn't feel personal.

And before she even knows it, Irina is encouraging her to show off her monstrosity, too.

"Okay," she says, practically shoving Aguri into the changing room. "Your turn. Let's see just how unhinged this looks."

Aguri nods. Again: she has a feeling that the shirt won't fit her well, but it's over-the-arms and doesn't have sleeves. She should be able to slip it on, even if it shows off a bit more skin than she'd like.

She peeks out of the changing room… nervous. Giving a wave, she asks "Well?"

Irina has to stifle a laugh. Covering her mouth with her hands she says "Holy shit. You really are special, aren't you?" She snickers a bit. Shakes her head. "It's- uh- great. But let's try something a little more adventurous, why don't we?"

"H-huh?" Aguri replies, eyes wide.

Irina tosses a shirt her way. Smirking, she says "This should be about your size. Come on. Try it on."

Glancing down at the sleek fabric Aguri says, "O...oh. I don't really know. This isn't much of my style…-"

"Come on," Irina insists. "For just one second. I wanna see what you look like when you're wearing something that couldn't be considered a factory reject." A pause. "You can take it off right away after. And it's not like anyone is around to see."

Aguri drifts off. Sure enough… no-one else is waiting nearby. Her gaze drifts back down to the shirt. And taking a gulp, she steps back inside the changing room.

'Oh… oh my,' she thinks, finally getting a better look at the shirt. 'This is… this is hardly even- this is more of a bra than a shirt! Is this really what the other girls wear nowadays?'

It's not like… it's not like she's never worn anything suggestive before, of course. She's worn some stuff that has highlighted her body. But that was always more stuff she picked out because she liked that just happened to be evocative. This is intentional. Can she really try on something like this?

When she steps out of the changing room she's a bright shade of pink.

"Now we're talking!" Irina says, giving a clap. "Holy fucking shit."

"You… you like it?" Aguri asks, feeling a little like she's undergoing a hazing ritual.

"'Course," Irina replies. "Though hold your head just a little bit higher, won't you? No-one's into insecurity. Pretend you know what you're doing for fuck's sake."

"O-okay!" Aguri replies, standing up straight. Her body feels tense… and she's pretty sure she looks more like a deer in the headlights than any sort of seductive casanova… but Irina still gives her an approving grin.

"You have got to spring that on the octopus," she says. "I know you said you were taking things slow, but seriously? You'd have him drooling in an instant."

"E-eep!" Aguri replies. "No- no thanks. I'm good, thank you very much."

"You gotta admit it'd be at least a little bit funnyyyy…-"

"Okay. Your turn."

Irina gawks. Skeptical, she asks "What do you mean?"

"You're trying on my clothes now. It's only fair."

"No fucking way."

"Yes-expletive-way," Aguri insists. "You've got to." She pauses. Drifts off. "Well… I mean- unless you really don't want to, but-"

Irina snatches the shirt from her hands. Asking, "Did you even hear what I was just fucking saying? Okay. Fine. I'll try it on. But just for one second."

"Cool," Aguri replies. "That's all I'm asking."

It feels like forever before Irina returns. But when she finally steps out of the dressing room Aguri lets out a gasp. She covers her mouth with her hands and starts to giggle.

"Oh my gosh," she says. "You look great."

And she means it. Sure, the gaudy, over-the-top garment looks ridiculous, but that's not all. It's also plenty pretty. That, and…-

Okay. Well, no. It's mostly ridiculous.

It takes all of her effort just not to burst out into laughter.

Irina's face flushes red. Whipping around, she's already making her way back into the dressing room.

"Okay," she says. "No. Fuck this. I'm done now. Back to my usual clothes, thank you very much!"

"No! Wait!" Aguri says, reaching out for her hand. "Just hold up one second. Please." She lets out another laugh… struggles a bit for breath. "You haven't even let me take pictures yet."

"Absolutely not," Irina replies. "I'd rather be caught dead than in this trash. What sort of person do you think I am?"

"Hey! Don't diss it before you've tried it. You never know, Irina. This could be the exact sort of thing that Karasuma's into."

Irina's face pales… and her expression twists. Throwing her hands in the air, she shouts "I think I'd rather just give up on tapping that than continue like this! I'm out. Nope. Never. Sorry. I'm done."

Aguri doesn't get the chance to respond. She's already off. That's okay, though. Aguri covers her mouth with her hands as she steps into the dressing room. And by the time she's returned she's still laughing.

"Not your style?" She says. "Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I've still got a few brands you can try on though if you'd like."

Irina starts to shake her head. But soon that irritation fades and she's cracking up too. She says she'll consider it. But only if Aguri tries on another skimpy shirt.

Aguri doesn't even hesitate this time.

"You're on."

They spend quite a bit of time like that… trying on outfits and cracking jokes at the other's expense. It's maybe half-past four when Irina finally gets a phone call. And stepping aside to take it, she says it seems important.

"Who is it?" Aguri asks, curious.

"Karasuma," Irina replies, holding the phone up to her ear. She sits down on a nearby bench… frowns.

"Hey. What is it? What do you want?"

And as she listens to Karasuma speak, her expression quickly morphs from amused… to confused, to concerned.

Abruptly, she places down the phone. And she hurries to her feet. Aguri follows after- rushing to her side.

"What is it?" She asks, maybe concerned for a second that Karasuma had told Irina about what happened earlier today.

But what Irina replies with is much, much worse… and enough to make Aguri forget about her beef with Karasuma entirely.

"He's saying that the kids almost killed a person."

And the whole. World. Stops.