At first when Aguri hears that the kids mortally wounded someone she's afraid that it's Korosensei. But as more information pours in over time somehow what she finds is even worse.
"He's saying that it's an old man," Irina explains, already leading the way out of the shopping mall. "They, Like... fell on him or something. Snapped his spine right in two. He's in the ER right now."
"But… how!?" Aguri replies, practically hysterical. "How does something like that even happen!?"
"I don't know!" Irina responds, equally as taken abac k. "He hardly even clarified! Something about a bike accident? Parkour!? It's all rocket science to me! But we've got to get going. They're in serious trouble. Karasuma sounded pissed."
Usually, that would dissuade Aguri more than not, but not today. Nodding firmly, she follows after Irina and tries not to think too hard about the way her heart pounds in her chest. She feels a bit sick- scared out of her mind… but there's no time to waste. Something horrible's just happened- and the kids need them now.
By the time they've arrived Karasuma is already there. Pacing in tight circles, he stares down at his phone and murmurs angrily. A few of the kids stand there... staring at him. A few others cry. Batting at their eyes- they stiffen as they spot Aguri. And they're quick to speak up over one another.
"You've got to listen to us!" Kimura says, gasping. "We didn't mean for this to happen! It was just- just an accident!"
"And it's not like we could have known an old man was there!" Yada tacks on. "No-one ever uses that route! It was- it was bad luck, that's all!"
"Nee-chan!" Akari cries, rushing to her side. "Oh gosh. Oh gosh. We really screwed up. What are we going to do?"
She looks like she's seen a ghost. Face a pale white— the whitest Aguri's seen it since she had tentacles, she steps between her and Irina.
"Please don't be mad," she begs, a crack to her voice. "We seriously didn't mean to. Please don't be mad."
Aguri opens her mouth to speak— but doesn't get the chance. A presence races into the alleyway… a cloud of dust following and a booming voice trembling as it speaks.
"What on earth did you do!?" It roars. "Who did you hurt!?"
It's the angriest she's ever seen Korosensei. As the dust settles and his expression becomes apparent, she notes it's pitch black. Veins bulging- teeth grit… he shakes, enraged, as he stands and stares down the students with accusatory eyes. His tentacles writhe. There's a hurt to his tone.
Unconsciously, Aguri takes a step back… ushers Akari with her. She's stunned. This isn't the Korosensei that she knows. The closest she's ever seen to him to this before had been when he was protecting her… and even that had been nothing like this. He's enraged- distraught. And now that his anger's not directed to protect her, it almost feels directed at her.
(...Even Karasuma looks a bit stunned.)
The students shiver. But they're quick to defend themselves. Just as they'd done with Aguri before- they insist that this wasn't their fault.
"It- it was an accident, Sensei! Please- you've got to hear us out-"
"Yeah! We didn't mean to hurt anyone. We just… we're sorry- alright!? "
"I didn't ask for an excuse," Korosensei growls. "I asked for an explanation. Tell me: who did you hurt?!"
The students take a step back… a few fall silent. Nakamura shakes her head- insisting, "Just some old man. We were…- we were doing parkour on the way home, and-"
"Just some old man!?"
Korosensei rushes forward- eyes narrowed. Nakamura stumbles away, crying, "Well- well not like that! But you get what I'm saying, right!? We were…- we were…-"
"We were trying to train for a reason!" Maehara interjects, coming to her aid. "That's our job, right!? To become the best assassins possible? We were just… just practicing."
"And it's not like you can expect us to make the most reasonable decisions right now, Sensei!" Okajima argues. "We've been so stressed-"
"Yeah! We were just trying to let off some steam."
"I mean… there's been so much important stuff for us to think over lately. Whether or not we're supposed to kill you- how we're going to help Yukimura-sensei. We wanted to relax a bit."
"We deserved to!"
Aguri feels her heartbeat quicken. The mention of her- the unbridled shouting... they make her hands shake. And she spots Akari's gaze flicker towards hers. Korosensei's gaze shoots her way- although just as quickly as he spots her expression he retracts it. He looks back towards the students- bellowing with rage.
"You've been stressed!? You deserve it!? Do you even hear yourselves right now!? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!?"
And in an instant he's rushing at them. For a second Aguri simply thinks he's looming closer- but then she spots his outstretched hand. Eyes glowing white- he reaches out to strike them.
Aguri doesn't let him.
She's disappointed in the kids too- she really is. But she cannot- will not allow him to place a hand on them. She doesn't even have to think it through. Sensing his rage- she utilizes her own super speed to throw herself between them. And as she flinches… prepares for pain- she shouts, "DON'T YOU EVEN DARE!"
Her whole body tenses. Her eyes stay shut tight. But nothing comes. There's a rush of wind and then… silence. When she finally cracks an eye open, Korosensei's standing in front of her, stunned.
(His fist hovers inches from her face.)
He looks at a loss for words. Mouth hanging open- face still pitch black… his hand quivers in the air.
He takes one… no, two steps back.
"I… I know that you're mad at them!" Aguri argues. "But how could you!? They're just kids! Do you really think that that is going to help them!? Oh my god, Reaper! They're scared!"
She can feel them quivering behind her… staring with wild, bewildered eyes. Okuda lets out a whimper. Akari gasps.
She knows that he'd been planning to hit all of them. He'd been going towards Terasaka… but the force behind his motion- the arc of hand… they tell the full story.
And he'd been planning to lay a hand on each and every one of them. Her students. Her friends. Her sister.
She can hardly even believe it. That's behavior she'd expect of Karasuma- not him. He's better than that. What on earth had he been thinking!?
Her lip quivers as she speaks.
It takes her a second to realize that her skin's gone dark as well. Stretched tight across her almost skeletal frame, her tentacles writhe as she stands. Hovering defensively between her and the students, she feels something else bubble up in her chest… and to her shock and horror she realizes that she's not just scared.
She's angry.
Feeling almost ashamed, she says "I didn't mean to shout…" and tries to force down the anger in her chest. "I just… I couldn't allow you to do something like that. Did you really think that that would do any good? If you're so angry as to hurt someone, then just hurt me. I'm begging you, Reaper: do not lay a hand on them. They said I'm to fault for this, anyways!"
She shuts her eyes tight… blinks back tears. She can hear a few students let out guilt-stricken whimpers, but no-one apologizes. Not yet. Instead… Korosensei finally draws his hand back, and says, shamefaced "You're right. I suppose that was crossing a line."
He continues on… careful to put some distance between himself and the kids. He looks at them cautiously and says, voice strained "I apologize for trying to strike you. I did not mean to teach with fear. However… you must try and understand the grief and disappointment I am feeling right now."
"Please tell me what happened. I will not interrupt this time," he instructs, turning to the kids. His face remains a pitch black- and his voice is stern, but at least he's stopped shaking.
"However I meant it when I said I do not want to hear any excuses," he tacks on. "I want the full truth and nothing but it."
The kids hesitate for a split second. But finally, Kataoka steps forward. Shaking her head, she shares the full tale.
"We were… we were doing parkour on the rooftops above the town and it got a little…- no, a lot out of control. We were laughing and racing each other and we weren't paying attention to where we were going. Next thing we knew we were jumping down off the roof and we'd hit a person."
"We didn't mean to hurt him… and we called 119 right away," she continues. "But you're right. We were reckless."
She bows her head. A few of the other students murmur. Korosensei shifts, slightly… still not averting his gaze.
"And this is the truth?"
"Yeah," Muramatsu replies, looking away. "That's the long and short of it…"
"I see," Korosensei replies, expression unreadable. "And so it's as I thought."
He turns his back to the kids. Stands deep in thought for a moment.
"You did something unforgivable. You were reckless, selfish, and behaved dangerously. Not only could you have hurt yourself with your actions, but you hurt someone else as well. Someone weaker than you- the sort of person I was anticipating you to keep safe with your newfound powers."
"That sort of behavior is far less than I'd expect of you. That is the behavior of your A-Class adversaries, and in allowing yourself to lose control you became no better than them. I am deeply, deeply disappointed."
A pause. "As well as disturbed by your callousness. Not only did you try to make light of what you'd done- but you shifted the blame. Putting this on me and Yukimura-sensei for stressing you out… that is unaccaptable. I understand that this situation is unconventional- and perhaps I have failed you in many ways. But did you really think that was an alright thing to say to her?"
"No…" The students murmur, looking utterly ashamed.
"But we just…- we didn't want you to be mad at us," Sugaya explains. "We all really look up to you. We don't know what we'd do if you hated us."
"I don't hate you," Korosensei is quick to say. "And I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. There is a difference." He pauses… drifts off. "The only person I am mad at is myself for allowing you to get so out of control."
His gaze drifts down to the ground and the students shuffle. Unanimously, they apologize.
"We're sorry," they say. "Really. We'll… we'll find a way to fix this. I promise."
"Good," Korosensei replies. "And in that case then I expect you to agree with what comes next. I've come to a decision… and from now on you will not be studying for next week's midterms."
"H-huh!?"
The students freeze up a bit. Stare.
"What do you mean!? But we've been doing so good!"
"Indeed," Korosensei replies. "Too good. It's time that you learn there are some things more important in life than your own success."
Finally, he turns back around. His face has returned to its usual yellow. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves a textbook… tears out the pages with his hand and allows them to drift down to the ground.
"This decision is final. Is that understood?"
A few of the kids murmur… open their mouths to start to speak. However no-one can argue, and they quickly drift off. Sending sideways glances towards Aguri, Karasuma, and Korosensei… they give a firm, apologetic nod.
"Yes, Sensei."
"Wonderful," Korosensei replies. "With that settled, I have a new plan for how we'll be spending the next two weeks. I hope it will be able to teach you more than anything academic possibly could."
He turns to Karasuma… pauses.
"Additionally, I hope that I am not crossing a line with this decision. I understand that the circumstance is unheard of, but-"
"No," Karasuma interrupts. "I understand. Do as you see fit." He shakes his head… gives a solemn look. "I hope that you'll be able to work some sense into them. I regret weaponizing them in the way that we have. It's clear they're not fit to handle it yet."
Aguri's ears are ringing. It's weird… because she doesn't really disagree with Korosensei's decision, but she still feels sick. Why? They had to do something. Is it just the way that he went about it that's bothering her? Or does she have some sort of qualm with what he'd decided?
...No. It's definitely about the execution. She hates having seen him that way- and even though Korosensei is calm now… making this into another teaching moment, she just can't shake the picture of the enraged-faced man from her mind. He hadn't even resembled the person she's gotten to know over the past month and a half. He'd been someone entirely different. And for a second he'd even looked like…-
(Who? Yanagisawa?)
'No,' she thinks. 'Like Reaper breaking out of the lab.'
...But that's not much better.
He's enraged and he's howling with pain and he's destroying things. There's blood everywhere- screaming. And suddenly Aguri's dying, too.
(She's dying in his arms)
She knows he wouldn't have hurt the students like that. Not ever. But the thought still disturbs her. And when she remembers with what ease the rage had come to him, her stomach does flips.
Everyone else seems to have already moved on. The kids and Korosensei are talking… formulating a plan for whatever comes next. But she stands there, still, and takes a shaky breath.
He had a student before this, didn't he? Korosensei. He had… an apprentice. She can't remember his name, but…-
(Absentmindedly, Aguri wonders if he'd ever looked at him like that.)
Eventually, Korosensei tells the kids to go home. He says to take the ground this time- be careful. The students nod… still looking a bit ashamed as they wander off. Karasuma and Irina follow after- a strange look on Irina's face as Karasuma sticks glued to his phone.
Aguri glances downwards at Akari and Itona… forces her feet to move.
"I guess we should probably get going," she says. "There's no use in staying here."
However, one other person's hung back. And she speaks up- quiet, as Aguri begins to make her exit.
"H… hey. Wait. Can we talk?"
Aguri turns back. And Korosensei follows after.
"Ah," he says. "Okuda. What is it?"
The girl looks small standing there. Head hung low to the ground, she says, "I guess I just wanted to apologize privately. I know I didn't really talk much while everyone was fighting… but I feel bad too. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt someone weaker than me."
"It's alright," Korosensei says, leaning down a bit lower. The expression on his face is still serious, but it's softer, somehow.
"I… know that this was an accident," he continues. "And as I said: I'm not mad at you. I just cannot allow this to happen again. And so don't think of what I'm doing to you and your classmates as a punishment. Think of it as a lesson. That's all."
"Mmm," Okuda replies… but her gaze flickers sideways. She shifts, slightly, as she stands there shivering.
"Yukimura-sensei," she says. "I'm sorry to you, too. I didn't mean to let them do that."
"Oh Okuda," Aguri says, eyebrows knit. "It's not me you should be apologizing to. It's Korosensei… that old man-"
"I let them team up on you again," Okuda insists. "I thought I'd be stronger next time, but they were right. I didn't want to feel blamed, either."
'Oh,' Aguri thinks. And so that's what it's about.
"Don't worry about it," she says. "I understand that they didn't mean it. You were all under stress. I'm just glad you've taken accountability for what happened now."
Admittedly she's still a bit hurt by the students' words, but it really wasn't Okuda's job to stand up. And besides… they kind of had a point. She is an extra source of stress for them. And regardless of how quick Korosensei is to refute that, it's entirely possible she did in part contribute to their poor decision-making.
"Mmm," Okuda repeats. "But still… I just wanted to say something. I'm sorry for hurting someone weaker than me. I'm sorry for not standing up."
"It's okay," Aguri replies.
"And… in the ways that it's not, it will be in time," Korosensei tacks on. "I believe you'll have the chance to make this up to everyone. Just be careful. You may not be offered such chances in the future."
"Yeah," Okuda says. "I know."
"For now you should just go home. Get lots of rest. Starting tomorrow you've got a lot of work to be doing."
Okuda frowns… gives a meek nod. She looks like she's not really sure what that entails- but certainly doesn't have the energy to argue. Instead, she simply turns around and meanders off… giving one last anxious look over her shoulder and mouthing 'sorry' as she goes.
Aguri feels herself frown. The weight to the students' words leaves a bad taste in her mouth. Of course they should be sorry- they screwed up… they really did- but is crushing guilt a way to amend that? In what way is that productive? She doesn't think very much at all… but then again she doesn't know much. How do you go about preventing people from hurting others? They had to do something, right? She doesn't want those kids to grow up into someone dangerous.
(Maybe guilt really is for the best. Guilt is better than unabashedness.)
Akari looks tired the whole way home. Itona, too. Korosensei keeps sending weird glances over Aguri's way, but he must not know what to say, and so he's mostly silent. He simply poses that he's sorry for taking this decision out of her control- that he probably should have consulted with her first… but he was so mad. He hopes that she's okay with all of that- prohibiting them from studying.
"It will be for the best. I promise."
Aguri nods.
"Yeah," she says. "I know. I'm fine with it."
...Neither of them mention the hitting.
She's pretty sure she hasn't done anything wrong, but Aguri feels guilty, too. She feels guilty for being uncomfortable around Korosensei- who was just uncomfortable with the students' actions… but still, her stomach churns. And head hung low to the ground, she thinks that she might not feel normal until these two weeks are over.
With what she'd seen, perhaps that she'll never feel normal at all.
Ultimately, Korosensei gets permission to have the students babysit. Turns out that the man they injured ran a daycare… and with his injuries isn't able to supervise it at the moment. That means that the responsibility falls squarely on their shoulders- a decision that Korosensei is happy to make. And as he leads the students up towards the building, he reminds them why exactly this is important.
"Not only is this an act to make things up to the person that you hurt, but it's practice in protecting something other than yourselves. Take good care of these kids. I have a feeling that they can teach you just as much as you can teach them."
The students nod. They're done making up excuses. Though Aguri's hardly sure if that's out of an actual regret or a simple sense of obligation. They're too tired to argue at this point- and they know it's all they can do to redeem themselves.
She nudges Akari on the shoulder… tells her she's sure it won't be that bad.
"You're just going to be making those kids' days after all, right?"
"Yeah," Akari says with a tired smile. "Things could be a lot worse. I just hope that things will go back to normal with Korosensei eventually."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "Me too."
Irina and Karasuma don't come along. Allegedly they're too busy with work. Aguri's not really sure what that means. Karasuma is probably filling out paperwork… scrambling to make up for their mistake, but Irina doesn't have much of a job. Is she just avoiding them because she doesn't really like kids?
'That's fair, I guess,' Aguri decides. She can't really relate, but better to dip than do something that irritates her. And it's not like Irina avoids them. She still calls Aguri up after school- chats about her day.
However, the lack of her presence does leave Korosensei and Aguri alone.
They're not allowed to come in and help with the daycare. That's Karasuma's one request with how "they're state secrets and all." Personally, Aguri doesn't mind… she thinks she needs some time alone, but she's shocked at just how well Korosensei takes it.
She thinks she thought he'd be hesitant to leave them unsupervised after what just happened… but instead he's surprisingly trusting. He says that he has faith in the kids to handle this well— that he doesn't need to be breathing down their necks at all times. It's a stark contrast to his distraught, disappointed anger from just a few days earlier… to the point where it even makes Aguri wonder if she'd imagined it.
This is the Korosensei she knows, right? Wise… nonconfrontational. The Korosensei who shouts and raises his fist— at this point he's almost just a bad dream.
(...Almost.)
She feels bad that she's not able to shake the unease. She knows that that's not who Korosensei really is. But all the same… it makes her body shudder, and that, in turn… makes her feel worse.
Korosensei has been her home up until this point. He's been nothing but kind to her and the kids. Why can't she get over just one mistake? She should be able to turn it off like she used to- see the bright side… like she could with Yanagisawa.
Not that… not that-
...Not that Korosensei is anything like him. She feels bad for even making the comparison. They're on an entirely different playing field. But… doesn't that just make it worse? Why was she able to shrug it off when it came to someone who was really mistreating her? Why can't she just do that now?
(She knows why. She knows that it's her trauma getting in the way. But that's not fair, is it? She shouldn't let it turn her cruel or judgemental. Not all men are the same.
...Especially not Korosensei.)
She wishes she could get better faster. She thinks if she did she wouldn't have to deal with this in the first place.
(She'd just be able to smile- see how things really are. Not stand there in… in stasis.)
She and Korosensei don't particularly talk a lot during the day. Things are still awkward… and neither seems to know how to approach it. As such, Korosensei simply quietly grades papers… and Aguri sits alone with her thoughts.
Nights aren't much better. Over dinner, Akari and Itona tell them about how things at the daycare are going… and that's good, at least. But other conversations fall flat, and small talk is stilted.
It's hard to tell how much of it is just her. Is Korosensei trying to set things right and she's not noticing, or does he feel trapped, too?
She supposes it's not too worth worrying about. Not when it makes her so sick.
Thankfully with each day Itona and Akari seem to do a bit better, at least. They're enjoying their time at the daycare… and they describe their experiences with enthusiasm. They say that they're learning important things… and Aguri can see that. There's a new gentleness to the way Itona walks, and Akari laughs as she describes putting on a play.
Korosensei smiles and tells them that they're doing a wonderful job. Aguri smiles, too, but she doesn't dare share his words.
Before they even know it a week has passed. The kids are halfway done with their time at the daycare and they seem in high spirits. Exhausted, perhaps… but in a good way. They talk fondly about the children... and discuss, excitedly, what they'd like to do next.
Aguri's not sure whose idea it is to renovate the place.
By the time they bring it up to Korosensei and Aguri it's something they've already agreed upon unanimously. They say that they'd like to fix up the daycare with the time that they have left… that they certainly have the supplies.
"It means we technically wouldn't get as much time to hang out with the kids, but I was thinking that we could grab lumber from the E-Class mountain and fix up the place," Chiba explains. "It's really all sorts of ragged here. I can't imagine that being very safe for them to play in."
"Yeah. I've already fallen through the floor twice and I was just walking," Kurahashi says with a laugh. " This place isn't going to last much longer if they keep doing stuff like running around."
"They deserve better than that. They're clearly comfortable here… and so we figured we should do something."
"What do you think? Is it a good idea? Or is it really kind of silly?"
They seem almost nervous, but determined, too. They look at Korosensei intensely as they make their request… and give firm, surefire nods as he asks them if this is something they'd really like to go through with.
"Of course," they say. "I think this would… I think this would be a really good way to make things up to them."
"You have my full blessing then," Korosensei responds. "I believe in your ability to refurbish this place nicely. Just make sure to be careful, and keep an eye on the kids at all times."
"Of course," the students respond. "We'll do our very best."
They end up staying past school hours. Their afternoons are spent transporting supplies… building intently, and of course, keeping the kids entertained. It's their second day of building… and Kanzaki is out with the kids playing hopscotch when Korosensei turns to Aguri and says:
"I told you so."
Aguri pauses… looks his way. Frowning, she asks "What do you mean?"
"I told you that this would be good for them," Korosensei repeats. "...I got the impression that you were nervous there at the start when I 'punished' them. But this has turned out for the best. I'm glad. For a second there I think I was worried, too… but they've really grown."
"...For sure," Aguri says, nodding. "I'm proud of them, too." But the truth is that's never really what she doubted. She was fine with Korosensei telling them to watch the kids… and she was even fine with him banning them from studying when it came down to it. It's what he's avoided bringing up since that day in the alleyway that's been bothering her, and she knows he knows that, too.
As she gives her nonanswer he shifts, slightly... looks away, ashamed.
He tries hard to make more conversation, but Aguri's barely listening. Even as he talks about just how proud he is of the students she feels her ears ring. She lets out a sigh- stares at the ground.
She knows he's uncomfortable. He can sense the tenseness, too. And it makes her feel bad. Her goal is in no way to guilt him. She's just trying to… figure out what she feels. And that's hard.
For so long now she's been perceiving him as this perfect person. But abruptly the illusion's shattered- and she doesn't know what to do. Is this what he meant when he told her that she was looking at him incorrectly? Seeing too much in him? That is what he told her back when she asked him out- wasn't it? That she was refusing to see his flaws?
But she already knew he had flaws. She knew he'd killed people, for Pete's sake. And she'd already forgiven him for that. Why should this be any different? Murder is worse than abuse, right?
(Not that… that this was abuse. He just got mad once. He didn't even actually touch them!
She tries hard not to think about his apprentice.)
She's got to say something. She can't keep living this way forever. She's petrified again… and that's miserable. She should tell him- say what she's feeling. Then he'll clear it up: explain she's… misinterpreting. That's what she wants, right? For this to all be a big mistake?
"Hey, can we talk?"
They seem to say it at once.
Aguri's mouth falls open. She shies back, slightly. To be truthful she's not even really sure she'd spoken… or he'd simply taken the words from her mouth.
"Talk?" she asks, stunned. "You... you want to talk?"
"Yes," Korosensei says. "I… couldn't help that notice these past few days were tense. And while at first I was inclined to avoid it- try and give you space… I can see at this point that that's not going to work out. Do you want to tell me if you're feeling uncomfortable?" He drifts off. Shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry. That's incorrect. Do you want to talk about what is making you uncomfortable? The thing that I did?"
Aguri hesitates. His voice sounds so gentle… and yet it somehow still feels like an act. How is she supposed to tell that this Korosensei is any more real than the one she saw before? She knows that's a terrible thing to think- a cruel perception of the man who's been nothing but kind to her this past month and a half… and yet all the same, Yanagisawa sounded gentle sometimes, too. Can she really believe in her own perception?
"Not really," she says, fidgeting a bit. She knows she'd just been the one to want to breach it- but it's different when he brings it up. And besides… "It's not really that big a deal, anyways. Just… stuff going on in my head."
Stuff that he doesn't need to hear. Despite his screw-up, she cares about him. And she doesn't want him to know she's doubting him. He doesn't need to think that… think that she thinks he's some monster.
(And she doesn't. She's just… scared of him right now, that's all.)
"The things going on 'in your head' are just as important as the things going on in person, you know," Korosensei reminds her. "Regardless of whether or not you think it's insignificant, I'm always willing to listen to what's eating at you."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I know. I just… don't want to make you sad or mad over something irrational. You don't deserve to deal with that."
Korosensei's quiet for a moment… glancing out over the hill. He watches the students play with the children, then sits down, rather abruptly, as if to make himself smaller.
"Neither do you, to be fair," he insists. "And to your credit… what you're worried about is neither something irrational or something that would make me mad." He gives a pause… lets his face flush blue. "I would never be mad at you. I'm sorry I managed to give you the impression that I would."
"It's not your fault," Aguri replies, still standing. "...Not really. I guess I just- I just thought that you'd never be mad at the students either. And then… you were. It made my mind wander."
She rubs at her arm. Tries, desperately, to ignore the rubbery, foreign sort of sensation.
"...Made me wonder if you might wanna hurt me one day, too."
She pauses. Shakes her head.
"Not that- that that even really matters," she's quick to interject. "Their safety is much more important than mine. But that… that really felt jeopardized for a second there too, actually…. y'know?"
She drifts off. Frowns. At first she tries to avoid looking Korosensei's way, but she simply can't resist. And to her surprise what she sees isn't anger, but heartbreak. There's an ashamed expression on his face... and a wave of guilt washes over her as she tries to backpedal.
"Not that— not that it actually was, of course. I just— you know how I am with misinterpreting things, right? I saw you move fast and I… I got scared for them. I'm sorry. I know you probably weren't meaning to hit them hard." Another pause. A moment of silence. "And… you didn't. You didn't even hit them. I don't know what I'm getting so worked up about, actually—"
"Aguri," Korosensei interjects, holding up a hand. "You have nothing to apologize for… and you haven't misinterpreted. What you saw was very real, and because of that, I do not want to hear you backpedal. Your feelings are justified. I almost did something unforgivable. Nay- actually did. I raised a hand against the students you entrusted me. And even worse, I did it knowing you'd see. That is in no way acceptable."
Aguri's quiet. Feeling ashamed, she bites down on her lip.
"But it's not like- it's not like you did it for no reason," She argues. "I mean… you had every right to be mad. They did something super dangerous. It's not like you were acting like… y- you know-"
She doesn't say it, but they both know who she's talking about. Korosensei gives her a deep, introspective look."
"I'm well aware," he replies. " But all the same, I overstepped a boundary. And you're right in that we should talk about this. I… apologize for not breaching the topic sooner." He shifts slightly… reaches out to refit his tie.
"I think some part of me was hoping that this would just blow over. That… you would forget about it. However that in no way means you should feel guilty for not allowing it to. That was selfish of me to expect… and the only reason I wanted that to happen was because I was afraid of confronting you. The last thing I would want is to let you down." He lets out a sigh. Shakes his head. "Still, it's only natural of you to not want to drop this. And… I commend you for your bravery."
"I commend you for being willing to bring this up in front of me at all," he continues. "I know things must seem very scary right now."
"I don't know if scary is the right word for it," Aguri replies, petering off a bit. "I mean… I'm not scared of you. I'm just…"
She drifts off. Thinks. What is she? Disappointed? Depressed?
No.
"Mad. I think I'm a little mad," she admits. "That's why I'm so angry at myself for it. Why on earth am I mad at you? It's not like you… you meant to cause any harm. You just…-" She drifts off. "I- I don't know. You stumbled."
"Even accidents can hurt," Korosensei replies. "And there is nothing wrong about anger within the right context. Anger has oftentimes been called the more productive cousin of fear."
He pats the ground next to him. Says Aguri should really sit down.
"You're looking a tad pale. If you'd like to chat, then you should at least rest your feet."
"Not yet," Aguri replies, feeling locked in place. "Not…- not yet. I think I just need another moment."
"Very well then," Korosensei replies. "We can talk from here."
He still doesn't motion to stand. Instead, keeping himself low to the ground, he repositions himself slightly… and finally looks Aguri's way.
"First and foremost," he says, face still pale blue. "I'd like to formally apologize for what happened back there. I was in the wrong, and I don't want you to doubt that. I should not have tried to lay my hands on the students. And your anger is in no way damning. It means you're protective of them."
"But… but you already said that," Aguri says, voice wavering. "You told me that immediately after it happened. And… I'm still uncomfortable now. Why? Isn't that unfair? You know you messed up."
To be truthful, she doesn't think an apology is what she wanted to hear from Korosensei. It would… it would be so much easier if he just convinced her that what he did was for the best- that she was the crazy, irrational one.
"Indeed," Korosensei replies. "But that doesn't necessarily make it okay. Hurt is allowed to last. Apologies are allowed to be nonfinal." He shuts his eyes… takes in a deep breath. "Surely you'd understand that if anyone else were in your shoes. You'd never anticipate Akari to forgive someone who tried to harm her, right?"
"Well… no," Aguri replies. "But… that's different. For one, I feel like Akari wouldn't even get mad over something little like this. She knows how to think rationally." A pause. "Meanwhile I…- I can't really trust myself with this kind of thing, you know? I get uncomfortable with people over the littlest things… and that's not fair. I hate being angry. It makes me…- makes me feel like I'm going to start mistreating people. And if I do that than I'm really no better than Yanagisawa." A pause. She reaches up to rub at her eyes. "...I don't want anyone to feel that way."
"Simply seeing flaws in people is not abusive behavior," Korosensei insists. "Nor is being mad. You just said that you understood why I was angry with the kids. It's only my behavior that you had an issue with. And how you should feel towards yourself is the same. Strong emotion… that is in no way an issue. The only issue is how people behave in light of such feelings."
"With anger, especially… there are many different kinds," he continues. "It can be productive or it can be violent. It doesn't necessarily have to skew one way." A pause. "And, personally, I think it is more than alright when addressed calmly like this. You've been nothing but responsible... and you are nothing like Yanagisawa."
Rationally, Aguri knows that. She knows that there's a difference. But all the same… it's hard. And she feels turmoil bubble up within her when she remembers just how angry she'd been immediately following what Korosensei had done. That wasn't calm, was it?
"Maybe not right now," she says, voice low. "But what about back then? I certainly didn't act collected. I yelled at you! That had to have scared the students as well."
"Nonsense," Korosensei replies. "You're being far too harsh on yourself. Even having raised your voice, you still carried yourself incredibly responsibly… and the truth is that even unrestrained anger has its place sometimes. When you're fighting for a good cause or standing up to something truly atrocious you may not be able to keep yourself collected. That is alright."
"But how can I know that?" Aguri asks. "That the way I feel is actually justified? That I'm not just— just seeing something where there is nothing and jumping on a person over an honest mistake?"
"That… can be hard," Korosensei admits. "Especially in your situation. Oftentimes victims of abuse are led to believe that any form of standing up for themselves is a form of abuse in and of itself…- asking too much of the other person. But I'm here to reassure you that that is not true. Being angry is actually a huge step for you… and even if it might take some work to tell what's truly a good cause, I can tell you that standing up for the students will always qualify as one. They need someone on their side."
Aguri blinks. She hears that word again- 'abuse,' and feels her head spin. That's… such a weighty thing, isn't it? And even if Korosensei's words touch her, her body feels heavy.
"I know," She replies, voice cracking a bit. "I know. But… it's not even just this. I mean… I've been feeling a lot this way recently, and with people other than just you."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Paranoid. Angry. Grudge-holding," Aguri extrapolates. "Towards people who really don't deserve it." She drifts off… finally lowers herself to the ground. She still feels a bit shaky, but her legs aren't locked up… and she's content sitting next to Korosensei, at least. At this point she knows he's not going to be mad.
"...The other day I got in a fight with Karasuma."
Korosensei pauses. Tilting his head slightly, he asks "Over what?"
"I hardly even know," Aguri replies. "Something about…- about feeling like he doesn't like me? I demanded to know why he didn't want to talk to me and he told me the truth. Said it doesn't matter because I'm going to die anyways. That I'm… not worth getting close to. I know that it's justified, but it still really hurt." She pauses… sniffles. "I don't want to think about anyone thinking about me that way."
"...Ah," Korosensei says. "That's… troubling."
He shifts slightly. Fiddles with his hands.
"For the record, I do not think that that was justified, or that you 'deserved' to hear that. While I'm not sure I agree Karasuma is someone worth being angry at… that was one hundred percent uncalled for."
"Mmm," Aguri agrees. "Though it's not even really him that's bothering me. It's… me. I keep thinking about him in such a harsh way. 'Why do Korosensei and Irina and the kids want to hang out with him, anyways? Isn't he kind of a shitty person?' That's not a fair way to think about someone who I cornered into that conversation."
"I'm sure you did not corner him…"
"Trust me," Aguri replies. "I did."
She slides backwards… lies down on the grass. She lets out a sigh and stares up at the sky.
"And now I think I'm convinced he's going to hurt me in some way. That… most people are. Even you." She pauses. Shakes her head. "I see the slightest hint of an outburst and I… I feel so unsafe. I don't even know what's wrong with me." She drifts off. Falls quiet. "...I guess I just hate anger."
Korosensei's quiet. Scooting slightly closer, he says "I think most people do. There's nothing wrong with that."
And then silence. They sit there, quiet, for what feels like forever.
"Mind if I hold your hand?" He asks, peering down at her. "You look a little lonely down there."
"Do whatever you'd like," Aguri replies. For once his presence doesn't feel cathartic, but she guesses it isn't frightening, either.
(More than anything she just feels kind of sad.)
Korosensei nods and reaches out for her hand. He grips it firmly, but in a way that's not tight... runs his fingers over the back of her knuckles.
"For the record," he says. "I'd like to reiterate that I am not going to hurt you. And I am not going to hurt the students either. I am sorry that I even tried… and it will not be happening again. Similarly, I can promise you that Karasuma has no plans to do either. He may be cold on the outside, but…"
'Yeah. Yeah. There's something deep down,' Aguri thinks, staring up at the clouds. That's what everyone's been telling her since she first met him. She just hasn't seen it herself… and that's frustrating.
Especially considering… sometimes Yanagisawa made similar promises to the one Korosensei's making right now. Maybe a little less graciously worded- but "It'll be over after this, so don't you dare go. Unless you're really too scared to handle a little bit of suffering?"
She'd wanted to believe it so badly. But because she had now it feels like his claws are always in her. That his behavior is hiding behind every kind smile.
Noting her silence- blank expression, Korosensei shifts a bit.
"Though," he says. "You… don't have to believe that yet. That's more than alright." He squeezes her hand. "You still just got out of a terrible situation. And you're still just healing. Being afraid… not being convinced you can trust yet- that's not a slight against others. It's proof of the slight against you. And you are not a bad person for doubting… especially in light of our flawed behavior."
(Now Yanagisawa never said anything like that.)
Not quite sure how to feel… Aguri scoots away from Korosensei. His words are warm, and they unsettle her. They feel rehearsed, almost- too calm. When is he going to run out of patience? Give her what she deserves?
"...You almost found my weakness out, you know."
"Pardon?"
"I lied," she says blankly. "To Karasuma and the government. To you, too. I do have one. I've just been too afraid to share up until now."
"What… is i-?" Korosensei starts to ask, but drifts off before he can get the chance. He shakes his head— changes his mind. "Er… well, I suppose you don't have to share if you don't want, but I am always here to listen if you do."
And she does. It feels crushing having carried this weight alone. And not only that, but she thinks it'll help explain to Korosensei why she reacted the way that she did.
"It's physical violence. Punches— kicks. That sort of thing."
She feels Korosensei's grip tense, but he doesn't let go.
"Yanagisawa found out when I first developed my powers. I thought I was finally safe but he went off on me and… what do you know? I sat and took it like always. I exploded like you do when you're hit. And it really, really hurt. Pathetic, isn't it? I thought I was getting over it… but I'm never going to get away from being that kind of person. I'm so much of a coward- a victim that it's written into my DNA."
Slowly… Korosensei's hand slips from hers. He sits up straighter… stares down at her with beady eyes.
(His face is a pale white.)
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asks. "I could have…- I almost seriously hurt you."
Aguri shrugs. Frowns.
"It didn't feel important."
"Don't tell me you were…- were you afraid to?" Korosensei asks.
"No," Aguri replies. And she means it. She trusted Korosensei not to take advantage of that. She thinks more than anything she just- "I didn't want to scare you. You didn't need to be worrying about something like that. I've already caused enough stress for you as is. I didn't want you stuck thinking about whatever it is that implies."
"It's important," Korosensei replies. "...I would not have minded."
"Mmm."
"Have you told anyone else?"
"Akari, briefly," Aguri says. "Now it's only you, her, and… you know who now. I think I'd like to keep it that way. Please don't share with anyone else, alright? I'm not afraid of you, but maybe you're right that fear is part of the reason I didn't share with the others." She pauses. Drifts off. "They really, really want me dead, you know."
"...Yes," Korosensei says sadly. "You and me both."
He sounds for a moment like he's going to make another excuse, but he must decide that now's not the time.
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"I guess I just… wanted you to know why I'm taking this as harshly as I am. I know you've already said again and again that you believe in me… but it's hard not to feel irrational. And when I think about how I felt throwing myself between you and the kids… I guess it justifies some of that overreaction."
"I can't stop remembering how I thought 'Here it is.' 'It's going to happen again.' And I'd completely accepted that. Isn't that terrible? Thinking about myself that way? Thinking that way of you?" She knits her brows… looks over at Korosensei. "You're not the reason I have a weakness like this."
Korosensei stares. Listening to the way her voice cracks guilt overtakes her tone the blue returns to his face. The pale white fades... and he scoots in slightly closer.
"If I'm being truthful," He says, tilting his head a bit. "I honestly do not think you even actually see me that way. You're clearly harboring guilt over the feelings you carry. If you resented me you would not be apologizing as much as you are." He pauses. "I… don't feel as if you're implying that I'm a monster. I just feel as if you have lingering fears. And that's alright. Besides, even if you did see me that way… I'd quite frankly be content with it."
"Why?" Aguri asks. "You've done so much for me. Don't tell me you want to be put on that level-"
"Of course not," Korosensei replies. "But the truth is… I have been a monster in the past. And I still carry some of that weight with me. You saw the kind of person I used to be firsthand. You'd understand better than anyone."
He bows his head.
"I was cruel: callous. I did truly selfish things. And while I like to think I've outgrown that behavior for the most part, actions like mine from the other day prove that that person's not entirely gone. He lingers within me… and try as I may to be kind, I am still a deeply flawed person."
"It's… part of the reason I turned you down when you asked," he continues. "Of course… it was mostly about your mental health, but I suppose there was an element of mine as well. I… perceive myself in a certain light, and it's hard to believe I deserve those kinds of things. The past that lingers within me: it weighs heavily. And certain things I've done I fear will never be forgiven. Being seen as a flawed person in your eyes- while frightening, is only justified. In some ways I'd be more scared if you refused to see what I was."
His words drip with sorrow. It's perhaps the most authentic she's seen him since their conversation at the overhang… or even since her death. He looks small sitting there… fiddling with his tie as he speaks.
It makes her feel bad to think that he feels bad about himself. He's a good person- and despite her… her ridiculousness she cares about him! She's starting to regret having even brought this up. What did she do!?
This wasn't... she didn't intend to-
"But… but doesn't that only make it worse that I'm willing to see you in that light?" She asks. "You already feel bad about yourself. I don't want to go and make that worse-"
"You're not," Korosensei insists. "You're… not. Trust me when I say that much."
He reaches out for Aguri's hand once more. This time his grip is loose- just barely brushing past her skin. He runs his fingers over hers. His touch is soft.
"All you are doing is voicing your concern for me and the rest of your loved ones. And in that, you're keeping me in check— not incriminating me. You are… preventing me from doing anything else that will legitimately make me feel this way about myself, and I appreciate that."
"This is… not the first time I've faltered," he continues. "Numerous times before you made your return I pushed the students too hard… attempted to scare them… unwittingly put them in danger. And with those sorts of things happening it was easy to assume that perhaps I was failing them. That… I was letting you down— breaking my promise."
"With you here now it eases many of those fears. You can… make sure that I am on the right track. That I become who you knew I could be. Your criticisms are not attacks. They are reminders of why I am doing this in the first place… and why I want to do this right."
He shifts slightly. Shakes his head.
"Of course.. that does not mean this should become normalized. It is not your job to supervise me, and I'd like to avoid you feeling this way in the future as much as possible. All the same, the reminder just this once is appreciated. And I will not let you down. I am going to do better,"
"In trying to strike the kids I broke my promise to you and your trust in me. But it, or anything like it, is never going to happen again… and I apologize sincerely, from the bottom of my heart."
Aguri doesn't say that it's okay. It's not, honestly. And that's okay. Instead, she sits up slowly and says "Alright. I believe you."
And she does. Korosensei's words drip with sincerity. Maybe she's not the best judge of that… and maybe things would be different if this was the second time he'd done something like this, but she trusts him to keep his promises to her. He wouldn't be at this school in the first place if he didn't.
She gradually scoots his way. Closes the gap and squeezes his hand tight. She doesn't hug him… quite frankly now doesn't feel like the time. But she does rest her head on his shoulder. Nuzzle comfortingly into his side.
He looks confused for a split second, starts to ask "What?" But she beats him to it.
"Sorry," she says. "You just looked so small sitting there. I thought you could use some comfort."
"Ah," Korosensei says, his other hand drifting up to cover hers. "...I'm not sure I need it. Truly it should be me comforting you right now, but-"
"We can both need it," Aguri interjects. "We can… both need some comfort right now. It's been a long few days."
"Mmm," Korosensei replies, drifting off.
"And besides, it makes me feel a bit better anyways... sitting by your side."
She's comfortable being around Korosensei again. It's like those doubts have disappeared. Of course, she's still disappointed in him for what he did… she will never be okay with that sort of behavior. But she knows what he is and what he isn't. What he's done wrong and what he's never going to do again.
His hand drifts up to her shoulder. He pulls her in near. It's not a romantic thing, but it's somewhere close. And they sit there for what feels like forever… listening to the kids laugh. Waiting for the sun to set.
There's just one last thing she'd like to say before this conversation is over.
"Hey. Can I… ask you something? Before we move on from all of this? It's been… weighing on me, and I think it's part of why I reacted to all of this so strongly in the first place."
"Of course," Korosensei replies. "What is it?"
In any other world- with any other person she'd be afraid to say it. But with the conversation they just had she knows she can share. Sensitive or not, Korosensei's not going to get mad at her for asking.
"Did you… ever do that kind of thing to your apprentice?"
Korosensei's expression slowly shifts. A sort of horror dawning on his face, it grows pale. He doesn't dare look away. Just stare... apprehensive.
"You… told me that you weren't very nice to him, right?" Aguri further explains. "That you… treated him poorly. Is that where you got that sort of behavior from? How you treated him?"
Korosensei doesn't respond right away. Looking like he's trying to decide what to say, he's silent.
Aguri frowns. "It won't change how I see yo-"
"Yes," Korosensei interjects, finally letting out a deep-bated breath. "Yes. That... is something I did indeed do."
He leans forward a bit. Shakes his head.
"And… it's alright if it changes how you see me. I do not want you to pretend- shield my feelings. You are right: I abused my last student. And that is unforgivable. I will not sugar coat it... try to make excuses or say 'it could have been worse.' I made that boy's life hell. And that's something you deserve to know so you can decide what you trust me with in the future." He pauses. "I am sorry for not bringing it up sooner. It did not feel relevant. And… up until now I did not perceive that what I almost did to the students was the same."
Aguri sighs, but still doesn't pull away. She's not that surprised. She kind of already had a hunch.
Her heart is heavy, but she still doesn't think she's afraid of who Korosensei is now. Disappointed in… mad at him sure, but not scared. And definitely not resentful. She thinks more than anything she just feels bad for that boy.
She hopes that… he's doing better wherever he is now.
"Alright," she says, choosing her words carefully. "Thank you for telling me. That means a lot." She pauses. Drifts off. "Though… for the record, I do still believe you. That you'll keep your promise. That I can trust in you. That hasn't changed."
She can't forgive him, of course. It's not her place. But she decides then and there that she and the students are safe around him at the very least. She'd bet her life on that.
(Hell, she already has.)
Korosensei relaxes slightly. "That… in and of itself is more than I could ever ask for," he explains. "Thank you. I'll do my very best not to let you down. And with… the new information at hand I'll try even harder to keep you safe. Nothing is going to happen to you or the students."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I know."
"...Thank you for talking to me about all of this. Approaching me at all. For a second there I was worried I'd ruined our bond, but-"
"No," Aguri interjects. "...You could never." A pause and a frown. "You would never."
Her mind still wanders a bit sitting there next to him. She wonders about his apprentice and what he's doing now… if he's safe. With very few answers on hand, however, wondering is the most that she can do. And as such she simply hopes that he's happy wherever he is.
(That… Korosensei hasn't ruined his future for him. Just like someone else hasn't ruined hers.)
They don't move from that spot. They sit there as the sun starts to set… watching the students entertain the kids. Terasaka and Yoshida come back carrying lumber. Chiba refortifies the side of the door. Fuwa crouches down low… showing a boy how to play with a Beyblade.
And ultimately Aguri comes back to what started this conversation in the first place.
"You're right," she says. "They really are taking this well. I'm glad that something like this was good for them."
"Yes," Korosensei replies. "Here's to more teaching moments like this in the future. Not through fear… but through something as simple as empathy. Understanding… now that is the best way to teach. Thank you for reminding me."
"Of course," Aguri says. "As many times as you need."
Despite her words, she has a feeling she won't need to. Korosensei's learned his lesson as well. And in his presence she feels gentleness.
Yes, despite everything, Aguri remains safe.
And just this once she's okay with looking at the past if it means they might have a better tomorrow.
