There's nothing more awkward than waiting for an unconscious person to wake up while standing in the middle of an abandoned sewer.
It's been a few minutes now since Karasuma and the others left. And although Reaper's twitched a few times, he hasn't yet stirred.
"Are you sure he'll be alright?" Aguri asks, frowning. "It's been a while."
"Yes," Korosensei says. "I'm pretty sure."
It's hard to make out his expression. It always has been, but now more than ever.
"Do you think anyone will show up? Maintenance workers, I mean? I'd hate to be caught out in the open like this."
"No," Korosensei says. "He likely killed them when he took the canal over." A pause. "It's what I taught him to do."
"...Oh."
It's sort of scary being in front of a person like this. Because, yeah, sure… Korosensei and Irina have killed before, but Aguri never saw it. Not personally. She only heard rumors. Meeting that violence face to face is a lot more frightening.
Her head's still spinning from the confrontation. She can't believe that she - a nd even worse, the students… had almost legitimately died. It tempts her to be mad- wonder if she really should be standing here supporting this man. And yet… her mind wanders back to 'What? Yes. Of course I should!'
Sure, what Reaper did was really scary, and she's not sure she'll ever forgive him for attempting to put Akari's life on the line... but the truth is he's not much different than Irina here. She was also trying to kill them. And if she deserves a life in the light despite that, then so does this person.
This boy.
It's a risk- she'll admit that. But she thinks they have the high ground here. And… she needs to remind herself to stay empathetic. He's a victim of his circumstances. And if they ever want him to stop hurting people like that, then this is their best bet.
'He looks young,' she thinks, giving him another glance over. Maybe it's just the fake face, but he can't be older than 20. She considers asking Korosensei how old he is, but soon decides against it. She sincerely doubts he knows.
He hadn't been paying attention, after all… right? That's why his apprentice turned into this.
She feels a pang of sadness.
Korosensei must note her expression, because he says "It's not too late to back out, you know. If you're frightened… then..."
He drifts off.
"I'm not frightened," Aguri says, motioning towards his restraints. "Just thinking."
She knows it's not her Korosensei's talking about, though. Not really. It's him who wants to turn tail and run. She can't completely blame him… but she won't let him, either. He says it's not too late, but if you ask her it is. He should have had this conversation a long time ago.
She reaches out for his hand. Squeezes it.
"Don't worry, though," she says. "I think we've got this."
Korosensei shifts.
"And you're certain?" he says. "Perhaps I should… get him some water. You're right- he's been out for a while. I'd hate for him to wake up to-"
"No," Aguri interjects. "Don't. If you think he really needs something I'll get it, but…" a pause. "You need to be here. Don't you dare run."
"I know that you're afraid," she continues. "But… I'm not going to judge you. I already know what you did. And as for him… it's not like he can hate you anymore than he already does. The only place to go from here is up. And if you ask me… this is the start to making things right. I told you myself: I bet all he ever wanted was to be seen. As long as you can do that then you're in the clear."
"Yes," Korosensei says. "I know. It's just…"
"Hard?" Aguri says. "Yeah. I get that."
Admittedly, she even has some doubts herself. 'I bet he just wanted to be acknowledged' is what she said all those months ago… but does that take hold up to scrutiny? What if an apology isn't enough? What if Korosensei explains who he is and it just makes things worse? She hates to even consider it.
Briefly, her mind wanders back to Yanagisawa... what she'd want to hear from that person if he were trying to say sorry. Would it really make her feel any better, or would she still be lost? She likes to think it'd help her heal, but…
She doesn't know at this point. And as she glances down towards her mangled hands- then towards his face, where it so clearly stands out from his skin, she sighs.
She supposes that all she can do is wait. That all of this is up to Reaper and Korosensei, ultimately. She can't tell him the right thing to say. All she can do is make sure he stays. That… and supervise.
Eventually Reaper stirs. He lets out one hoarse cough… then another. His eyes shoot open and he attempts to sit himself up, but it's no use. His limbs lock as he realizes he's restrained.
"W- what!?"
"I'm sorry," Aguri says. "This was a necessary precaution. Here. Let me help."
She reaches out to sit him up. He pushes himself back, however, eyes wide.
"You're still here," he says, surprised. "Why? Is this…?"
He drifts off.
"Ah. I see. And so you wanted to make sure I was awake. Fine, then. If you're going to kill me just do it. I'd love to see you try."
He's trying to leverage his arm out from behind his back. She can't quite see it, but something tells Aguri his gun-finger is twitching. He seems panicked on the outside… but he's already calculating, isn't he? He's trying to find a way to get out of here. They've got to be fast. Before they lose their chance forever.
"We're not going to kill you," she reiterates. "We'd just like to talk."
Reaper's expression shifts. And as it goes from fear to malevolence he runs his tongue over his lips.
"What?" he asks, seemingly tantalized. "Do you have a request?"
There's a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
She can't tell if he's genuinely offering to kill someone for them or if he's just using this as another opportunity to get out of here... but either way she doesn't like it. She turns back to Korosensei and nudges him. Hard.
He hesitates, but does eventually crouch down. Trying his best to ignore the sting of the water, he cocks his head.
"No, I'm afraid. At least not one related to assassination." A pause. "It was quite a surprise seeing you again, you know. Especially under these circumstances."
"Pardon?" Reaper asks, eyes narrowing. "Last I checked I'd never met you before."
"Yes," Korosensei says. "You have. Although I look quite different from the last time you saw me. It's been a very long time, my apprentice."
"Your…?" Reaper drifts off. "What are you talking about?"
"I think you know," Korosensei replies. "I've made my return. It's me: Reaper."
"N… no you're not!" Reaper insists. "I'm Reaper! I-"
"Stole that title," Korosensei says. "I'm well aware. But I'm no longer in captivity. And I'm here to chat with you, if you'd allow."
Reaper's gaze flickers back and forth. Towards Korosensei… then Aguri, then back towards the floor. For just a split second his motions quicken and he tries, even more, to free himself from his restraints. He soon calms down however… and with an almost forced demeanor he gives a sneer.
"What… what happened to you? You're hideous."
Korosensei sighs. Straightening himself up slightly he says "I was bought. After I was taken in by the government, a self-proclaimed chemist by the name Yanagisawa decided to experiment on me. It was because of this that my life… shifted. I developed superpowers."
Aguri frowns. She decides not to clarify that Yanagisawa was technically a pharmacist. That's besides the point right now. And she's still not really sure what literally any of that had to do with medication anyways.
Just briefly Reaper's expression shifts again. He stares… and then snickers.
"Ah," he says, giving a toothy grin. "I see what this is about."
"An octopus teacher," He says. "Oh how the mighty have fallen! You're way out of your element, aren't you? You're mad." He smiles. "Well I'm afraid if you're here to exact revenge it won't be happening. I'm Reaper now, and I don't intend to hand my title over. And if you're here to kill me… well, that won't be happening, either. I've changed a bit since you last saw me as well."
He flips back, the wires 'round his wrists snapping as he whips something out from his coat sleeve. He stumbles to his feet… a blade held in front of him as he gives a sick grin. There's an intense look in his eyes.
Korosensei doesn't flinch.
"I am not here to kill you, nor to take my title back," he says simply. "Quite frankly, I do not want it. You may keep it. You've more than earned it by this point."
"Pardon?" Reaper asks, still not turning his back to him. "What's this now?"
"I said you've earned it."
Korosensei takes a step forward.
"It has been a… very long year and a half since we last met. And I've had time to reflect on things. I never once stopped thinking about you. And it was truly a surprise to reunite here and now."
"Of course… it was not under the most ideal of circumstances," he continues. "I'm quite angry that you endangered my students. But all the same, I am truly impressed by your technique. You utilized what I taught you well… and that surprised me. That's what I'm here to talk to you about. Not revenge, but to say 'good job.'" A pause. "That, and perhaps 'I'm sorry.'"
Reaper stares. Taking another step back, he wields his knife cautiously.
"What's the catch?"
"There is none," Korosensei says. "That's it. I simply thought you deserved to know. You did a legitimately good job. And while I cannot approve of all aspects of your plan… that's not due to a perceived lack of skill. You're truly among the best. Our divide is no more than an ethical one. I do not appreciate you trying to harm my students and coworkers, but the truth is that if I hadn't been here your plan would have gone off without a hitch. That is impressive. Congratulations."
Reaper stares. Nose wrinkling slightly, he shakes his head.
"Don't give me this shit," he says. "I don't know what happened to you, but you can drop the act now. 'Students?' 'Coworkers?' Don't tell me you seriously care about any of that-!"
"I do," Korosensei says. "Although this conversation is not about that. Please do not try and divert. This is about you, Reaper. And I meant everything I just said. About being impressed by your skillset. About believing you did well."
"Since when?" Reaper asks. "You've always-"
"Since now," Korosensei insists. "You're right. This is a new development. But I've come around. You were always an incredibly skilled young man and I'm sorry that I didn't see that sooner. I shouldn't have underestimated what you were capable of. I was simply so caught up in my own business that I managed to forget. I'm sorry for that. But… I have opened my eyes, and I have someone incredibly important to me to thank for that. I hope you can forgive me."
"That… or at the very least start to heal," He continues. "If this is the route you intend to follow, then I want you to do it with no burdens beared. You are… good at what you do. And I'm sorry for leading you down a path that made you believe you weren't. You are a great assassin and a great person. And if you'd allow me, then I'm more than happy to pass the Reaper name onto you."
"You are a worthy successor," he states, stepping closer. "And you have come an immeasurably long way. I am proud of you, put most simply. And in time, I hope that you can come to see that as well." A pause. And then in an instant he's on Reaper. He wraps him in a hug. "I am so, so proud of you."
It's hard to make out with that never-changing face, but Korosensei looks close to tears. Face a deep dark blue… a certain wateriness to his eyes, he pulls his apprentice in close. And for a second, Reaper looks stunned.
(For a second, he looks ready to cry.)
He stands there… his limbs locked in disbelief, and Aguri feels hope flutter in her chest. This is what she'd wanted to see, she thinks. This is healing. And she's so sure of it. Because she catches a flash of something in Reaper's eyes- a vulnerability that she hasn't seen before, and it's different.
At least until Reaper pulls away. And that vulnerability fades as the room rings out with a gunshot.
Korosensei isn't hurt. Of course he's not- He's invincible. But all the same, the smoking gun seems to have shocked him… and he asks "What?"
"No," Reaper says. "No. I don't need to hear this from you." He takes a step back… expression intense. "I don't need your permission to carry that name. I already won it on my own. I earned it. And if you ever once thought that was a title earned through anything but malice you're wrong. I defeated you. I outsmarted you. And I don't… don't…-" A pause. "I don't need your shallow praise now."
Aguri can still see the fear behind his eyes… the desperation. But it's clear he's trying to smother that something soft. And as she takes a step forward, Korosensei holds an arm out.
"Very well then," he says. "I can see you're not interested in hearing that at the moment. I understand. Nevertheless: I do want you to know that I mean it. And even if you can't believe that now, you should try and think it over. Not just for my sake: for yours. You are good enough. There is no understating that."
Reaper glares. Though as he takes another step back it's hard to tell if he's more mad at Korosensei or himself.
"All the same, you are free to go," Korosensei says. "I don't intend to keep you. If you change your mind, however, please know you are always welcome. Both to visit me and the class." A pause. "As long as you behave, that is. If you try to place a finger on the kids then I'm afraid that…" He drifts off.
It's Aguri who speaks.
"I'll make you regret it," she says. "We won't show mercy next time."
It's not something that he needs to hear from Korosensei. But it is something that he needs to hear. She can't risk the children being harmed. And if that has to be said, then she'd much rather have it come from her… a person he doesn't care about.
His nose wrinkles slightly. He crosses his arms.
"And who the hell are you?"
"I'm Aguri: Someone who saw the best in Korosensei. And someone who can see the best in you, too. You just have to give me the chance."
"Ah," Reaper says. "And so you're someone else under his spell. I get it now."
"I'm under no such thing," Aguri insists. "I know who he is, but believe it or not I still have faith in him. And believe it or not, I do believe he means what he just said. I mean it, too. It's not too late to envision a better life for you. Away from all of this… away from assassination."
Reaper laughs. She's not sure he means to, but he bows his head back and cackles.
"Yeah. Good one," he says. "You may have softened him up, but I like what I do, thank you very much. And I am not afraid of you." He rolls his eyes… glances down towards his still-restrained ankles. "Now can you just untie me already? I'm getting bored."
Aguri doesn't flinch back. As much as some part of her is harmed by that laughter, another part recognizes it. She's seen that before, hasn't she? 'You think I have a future?' being treated as a joke? It's the same as the E-Class. As cruel as Reaper'd like to act, he's not much tougher than them.
"Yes," Korosensei says. "I can. That is all we had to discuss." He waddles over… undoes the last of Reaper's restraints. "I'm sorry that that conversation couldn't have gone better, but I'm happy to have this out in the open. I... hope that you can change your mind. As long as you need me, I'll be here."
Reaper doesn't respond. Flexing his wrists, he stretches… then turns around.
"I'm going now," he says simply. "Goodbye, old man. And…" He shoots Aguri the briefest of glances. "Goodbye, you."
With that, he's gone. He doesn't bother to look back over his shoulder, but something tells Aguri there's a scowl to his face.
They stand there for what feels like forever. Listening to the water drip, it's almost like they expect something else to happen. But the sewer remains still. And slowly… Korosensei turns to Aguri.
"Do you think that we'll see him again?" He asks. "Or is that…?"
'It?' Aguri thinks.
"I'm not sure," she says. "...Maybe. But for now I think he just needs time to process what happened. He's never heard anything like that from you before, after all." A pause. "Maybe we can check up on him in a little bit. But until then we should give him space."
"Mmm," Korosensei says.
"Either way, I don't think he'll be dangerous. He tried to sound threatening, but…" she saw the look in his eyes. "He's lost his fighting spirit."
He's a little boy who wanted to be loved, but who doesn't know how to accept that love now that he's gotten it. Of course he can't fight back. More than anything she thinks he'd just looked lost.
"I wish that could have gone better," Korosensei admits. "I don't know what I was expecting, but…"
More silence.
Aguri shrugs.
"I think that's the best it could have gone," she replies. "Depressing, but…" A pause. "I mean, there was never gonna be a happy reaction." She reaches out for his hand. Squeezes it. "Either way I'm proud of you. I think you did a good job. I know it might seem like he's hurting right now, but hearing that from you under these circumstances is better than him never getting to hear it at all."
"I suppose," Korosensei replies, but he doesn't sound entirely convinced.
"We'll get it worked out. I promise. We'll make sure that he's alright. But it has to be on his own terms. And so for now just let him process it. I'm sure that we'll be seeing him again soon."
With that information on his mind how couldn't they? He's still got questions he needs answered. And once the initial shock's faded he'll make his return.
At least… Aguri hopes so.
It's hard not to think about that sad little boy as they go. She's sure he's on Korosensei's mind as well. She briefly considers asking him what his name is… saying that 'Reaper' is far too awkward, but soon decides against it. If he's going to share that, then she wants it to be on his own terms.
They exit the sewer, but they don't hurry back to class. They walk hand in hand… and meander as they head towards the inevitable. Slowly the thoughts of Reaper fade… and Aguri's left worrying about the immediate future.
"Do you think this will go well?" She asks. "My talk with Karasuma, I mean?"
"I'd like to think so," Korosensei replies. "But who knows? Either way I'll be there for you."
Aguri sighs. She wants to try and have faith in him: he's being so patient with her. But it's scary. And even if he's not the monster she thought he was, the idea of getting sold out sucks. Today's been a heavy day all around. Are things just going to get worse? Or will he really hear her out?
"He saved me, you know," she admits.
Korosensei tilts his head.
"Pardon?"
"Karasuma. He found out my weakness when Reaper was attacking me and he still saved me. Why?"
"Well… I'm sure that even if Karasuma wants you dead, he doesn't want you to go out in that way. That's a terrible thing for a person to experience. And most wouldn't wish it on anyone."
"Yeah," Aguri says, but she still can't help but think.
What if that's the only way for her to go out? Is she putting Karasuma between a rock and a hard place?
"Either way, I've realized there's something I should probably let you know about for the future. Have you heard of my ultimate defense form?"
Aguri frowns.
"Your what?"
"My ultimate defense form. It's a… mode I can activate when I'm in particular danger. It allows me to become impervious to all attacks at the sacrifice of my offense and agility. I've only had to use it once, but if it weren't for that I truly believe I would have passed."
"...Why are you telling me this?"
"It's only fair to assume that you have a similar ability lurking somewhere deep within you. I'd implore you not to use it recklessly- your form is different from mine and who knows what effect it will have- but it could still be useful. Just… keep it in mind, alright? In case of... any emergencies. If things escalate."
It's hard to tell if he's talking about the situation with Reaper attacking her or with what's about to happen, but then again she supposes it doesn't matter much. Either way she appreciates the advice.
"Yeah. Alright," she says. "I will. Thank you for letting me know."
Korosensei pauses for a moment.
"You scared me today, you know. When you ran off I really thought that it was going to happen again: that I was going to lose you. Please… make sure to pass on my thanks to Karasuma for protecting you. And… good luck with whatever happens next."
"Of course," Aguri replies, deciding not to mention that she'd been afraid it was going to happen again, too. She leans on Korosensei's shoulder. "Thank you for being there for me."
"Any time," he says. "After all, I don't know what I'd do without you. Put truthfully, you're the best part of me, Aguri. And if you weren't here with me today I… don't think I'd have talked to my apprentice. I'd have left him in the dark. But you gave me the courage to face that. Thank you, really."
"There's no need," Aguri reassures. "It was… just the right thing to do."
And not just for Korosensei. For his apprentice, too.
Eventually, they arrive. No amount of meandering can put off what's to come. Korosensei stops in the doorway and lets her know that Karasuma is likely waiting inside.
"Try not to worry too much, alright?" He says. "I know this is frightening, but…"
"He doesn't want to do this any more than I do, does he?"
"No," Korosensei replies. "Of course not."
And as such, Aguri steps inside. There's no delaying it any longer. She's got to talk with Karasuma… and she's got to make her case before it's too late. All she can do now is hope he'll believe her. Because yeah, sure… he's scary and abrasive, but he also saved both her and Irina. There's something good deep down there; she wasn't wrong about that. And she'd like to try and have faith in this person who clearly believes in her too.
She slithers down the hallway and cracks open the classroom door. It's empty, however, and even the students have left, so she turns back around and makes her way towards the teacher's lounge. There, Karasuma is waiting for her… his arms crossed over his chest.
"Oh. There you are."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I'm here. Sorry about the delay."
"Don't be," Karasuma tries to reassure, but it's awkward- stilted. He glances down at his phone before pocketing it, then makes his way over to the desk and sits down.
"Before anything I'd like to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?"
"Yeah," Aguri says, sitting down across from him. "Of course."
"Okay. So first of all: what I saw was your weakness, correct? I'm not misinterpreting it? You can be harmed and even killed by physical violence?"
"Yes," Aguri replies. "I believe so."
"And you've known about this? For how long?"
Aguri frowns.
"Since the start, I think."
"I see." Karasuma gives her an inquisitive look. "Do you have any other weaknesses?"
"No."
"Are you lying to me?"
"...No. Genuinely, as far as I know, this is it."
"And this comes from… where I think it comes from?"
Aguri nods. "Yes. I'm pretty sure. I wished for invulnerability when the tentacles asked me what I wanted to be. And I really thought I was invincible for a bit there. But it's like… some part of me couldn't process ever truly being safe from him. And because of that, I'm… like this." She pauses. "I found out for the first time when he attacked me. He was mad that I'd wished for such a thing and wanted to make me suffer. I didn't think it'd do anything, but…" she drifts off. "He still managed to wound me anyways. And that's that."
Karasuma frowns. Aguri knows that she's oversharing, but what else is she supposed to do? She's got to tell the full truth if she wants to make her case. And if that makes him uncomfortable then good.
('No. Not good,' she thinks. 'But… necessary.' She needs him to see her. And as much as she hates to inflict this on him, it is what happened.)
"Does it hurt you?" He asks rather suddenly. "When you're attacked like that?"
"Kind of," Aguri says, shifting. "It's not as painful as it used to be, but I do still feel it. And more than I feel anything else. It's just numbed down. Like my body isn't really processing what's happening to it."
"I see," Karasuma says yet again. His brow furrows, but he doesn't speak. He sits there in quiet contemplation for a moment… looking towards her, then back towards his desk.
"And so the reason you did not share with us was because you were afraid we'd recreate your abuse. Am I wrong?"
"No," Aguri says. "That's it." She hesitates. "I know that that's… cruel, and that it's really seeing the worst in you guys, but you understand why I was afraid, right? That's the one way I didn't want to go out."
Karasuma doesn't answer. Instead, still monotone, he simply asks "And you still don't want me to tell them, even now?"
"Of course not," Aguri replies. "I trust you, Karasuma. Or at least… I'm trying to. But the government is made up of a whole lot of people. At least one of them's not going to sympathize with my case. If they learn about this then I'm doomed. I'm going to die the very same way I got into all of this mess."
"I know," Karasuma says, looking deeply troubled. "But you know why I feel like I need to do this, right? I don't want to kill an innocent person any more than you do. But the world is on the line."
"And I'll make sure it isn't," Aguri says. "I know that… all of this is scary, but do you really think I'd put the students- my sister in danger? I'm not telling you I don't want to die. I have to. All I'm telling you is I don't want to go out in that way. And I'll find another. Before the end of the year I will die. I promise. I know that you don't like me, Karasuma, but please- just this once… give me a chance."
Karasuma's gaze flits her way. And letting out a sigh, he somehow looks more tired than she's ever seen him before.
"I don't dislike you, for the record," he interjects. "I really, really wish I could. My job would be so much easier if I didn't like you, but…-" He drifts off. "I don't."
He leans forward a bit. "Do you really think I'm the kind of person who'd sell you out? The… kind of person you said I was after I rejected Irina? You described me as unempathetic. Abusive, even. Did you mean that?"
Aguri thinks. She wants to say no, but she can't deny how she felt... the uneasy feeling she buried all year. Karasuma scared her, and in his own way, he still kind of does.
"Kind of," she says. "I'm starting to get now that I might have been wrong, but I really believed that. It wasn't just some spur of the moment thing. I'd thought that way about you for a long time. I was so convinced that you were apathetic… above it all. And that if you finally found a way to get me and Korosensei out of your hair then you'd revel in it." She pauses. Frowns. "...You called us things when I first showed up."
Karasuma sighs.
"That's not exclusive to you, you know. I am… this way with everyone."
"And that's not okay," Aguri replies. "Besides, I don't even think that's true. You're good with the kids, aren't you? You don't act this way around them."
She's sure of it. She's given Karasuma a lot of flack, but even she can't deny that he loves them. He's patient with them to an extraordinary degree. He's overprotective and he's gentle and he's kind. She's always kept her distance, but she's seen it… afternoons spent training them and minutes refusing to move just because one dozed off on his lap.
He's not heartless. And if he needs proof of it too then there it is.
"You're right," he admits, letting out another deep sigh. "Allow me to correct myself, then. I am… this way with everything I can lose. I know that the kids will grow up and live happy. healthy, lives. But you and Irina…" he drifts off. "That is in no way guaranteed. You're right, Yukimura. I'm scared of the temporary. Deeply so."
"And… there is a reason for that. I'd in no way like to excuse my behavior, but I want you to understand where I'm coming from. And as such… can I share something with you? It's a story I usually don't like telling. But seeing as how my behavior made you think I was going to abuse you for months, it's the least I can do to clarify." A pause. "...The least I can do to prove that my apathy is in no way your fault."
"Uh… go ahead," Aguri says. "What is it?"
"My sister died when I was ten."
Aguri stares. She thinks she expects him to say more, but he stops there. Like that's all there possibly is to say. She's left taken aback. Eyes wide... jaw agape.
"What?" She asks, voice shaking a bit.
"My sister died when I was ten," Karasuma repeats. "Lymphoma. She was seven."
"Why are you...?" Aguri drifts off. "Oh my god, Karasuma. I'm so sorry! Are you alright-?"
"Yes," he replies. "Don't be. That was… a very long time ago. I'm over it now. And I'm not telling you this to earn your pity. I'm simply telling you because I'm not interested in experiencing that again. I don't play with death." A pause. "Whether you believe it or not, you're going to be dead by the end of the year. And while I'm sure you're a fine person, I cannot - will not- get close. That's why I've been so cold with you. It's no fault of yours… no desire to see you suffer. I'd like to get to know you if I could, but in the end you are terminal. And I am not…" he drifts off. "I am not dealing with that."
His gaze is still cold, but there's something else behind it… and Aguri feels her heart drop to her stomach. Karasuma steeples his fingers- turns his head. And all at once, she starts to ache.
Seven. Fucking seven. That's… so young. She still remembers when Akari was seven. How old was she then?
...Eighteen. She was an adult and even she can still barely fathom it. Her sister... her one and only baby sister. She'd treasured her more than anything. If something had happened to her she'd have snapped. And she was just graduating high school… going into college.
Karasuma was ten.
No… no wonder he is the way he is!
She still remembers how she felt when she first arrived home- when Korosensei told her that Akari had used tentacles and nearly killed herself. She'd been so sick… felt so helpless. Akari had looked so pale… so truly unwell.
But that's nothing, is it? Korosensei told her "She'll probably be alright." Rampant as her worries ran, she knew. She knew Akari would be fine. Karasuma…
...Didn't.
'Terminal.' He says. 'Having a deadline.' Did his sister have one back then? If so… what was it? A year? Two months? Two weeks? How do you explain that to a ten year old boy? There are no words you can possibly say.
Her gaze drifts over to his, and she's stunned.
There's still an unbothered expression on his face… but he's not unbothered, is he? He can try to convince himself, but his body betrays him. His hands shake and his shoulders wilt. It's subtle… she wouldn't even know what to look for if she weren't feeling it herself, but it's there.
(And most importantly he says "I can't do this again. I won't be hurt." You don't hear that from people who are over it.)
...He's not apathetic. He's hurting. He's always been hurting. And worst of all… he's like her! He doesn't even realize it- she certainly hadn't… but they're the same. They're big siblings. They're putting on a brave face. Except where Aguri masks her hurt with happiness, he masks his with cruelty. He's not cold. He's not even stoic. He's just convinced himself that…
That he has to be!
She told him that he doesn't know what it's like to suffer, but she'd been wrong. And it's not that he hadn't had empathy for her and Irina's situations. He's just trying to do what's best for them. Deep down he's scared.
That's why he says "I don't want to get to know you." It's not judgemental… it's not mad. It's fearful. Where Irina had been missing some pieces, he is too. And Aguri's reminding him of the same powerless person he was when he was a boy. Back when he couldn't do anything.
He still can't. Diseased- dying… that's what she is. And in seeing that she's reopened his old wounds. Not just that… but this time it's his job to pull the plug. Of course he's been distant! Who'd want to be close with someone like that!?
"You… you don't need to do this," she says. "You don't need to kill me, I mean! I'm- I'm going to kill myself, Karasuma. This doesn't have to be your job."
Karasuma stares. Sitting up, slightly, he says "What?"
"That's been the plan from the start…" Aguri explains. "The minute that Korosensei's dead or that my deadline is up I'll take care of it. I'll make sure that I go away. You don't need to be the one responsible for that. Regardless of what you tell the government, I'll make sure that this all comes to an end. I won't let anyone else be hurt in my downfall."
She's not sure why she's telling him this… if it's as a plea to let her live just a little while longer or an attempt to lighten his load. Maybe it's both. Either way, he just looks more troubled as he asks "Does the octopus know?"
"...No," Aguri replies. "I didn't want to worry him. I meant to tell you and the rest of the government earlier, but…" A pause. "He's always been with me. I couldn't bear to hurt him like that." After all, he knows that of course he knows that her life is going to come to an end. But he doesn't know that it's going to happen like that. And she doesn't want him to. She'd do anything to prevent it. He already lost her that way once. He doesn't need to bear that burden a second time.
"What about your sister?" Karasuma asks. "...Kayano?"
"Of course not."
"That's going to hurt her," he says, deadpan.
"...I'm going to hurt her either way." Aguri admits. "We both know that. But that's why I'm here begging you. Please, Karasuma… please let me have just a few more months with her. Please don't let me die in that way. I'll die- I'll make sure of it, and I'll even go down without a fight. But if there's one thing I can ask in return for that, it's a peaceful passing."
He stares.
"And that way… you won't have to feel guilty for killing me," she murmurs. "Just for not saving me. Which is, uh- something I'm pretty sure no-one can do."
"Of course if that's the case you'll have to keep seeing me… being in the same class as me," she continues. "...Even if I'm going to go away. I promise I won't push anymore, though. I'll give you your space, even if I'd liked to have gotten to know you." A pause. "You seem like a good person, Karasuma. I hope you won't resent me for whatever happens next."
"It's not your fault," he replies, averting his gaze. "And besides… whether I like it or not, I already have gotten to know you. There's no backing down from that now."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "...That's why you saved me, right? From Reaper?"
"Yes," Karasuma says. "It was just the right thing to do."
"I'm still thankful for it. I was really scared there for a second. But you stepped in anyways. You didn't need to do that."
"Mmmm."
"I hope that we can at least be on good terms after this. Not close if you don't want, but… making the most of the time that we do have. That's part of why I let you stay in the class, you know. It's not just that I think you're good for the students and Irina. I think that you're good in general. And I'd like to get to see that side of you more… even if you're hurting."
"Because yeah, we might only get to know each other for a little bit, but that doesn't make it worthless, does it? Sometimes… things that only last a little bit are the most important things of all. Your sister didn't get to know you for very long, but I'm still sure that she treasured her time with you. She was lucky to get to know you. And if you give me the chance… I'd be, too."
Karasuma's quiet for a moment. Fingers steepled and a pained expression wrought across his face, he shifts in his seat. Shuts his eyes and breathes in… then out. And finally he opens his eyes back up. Lets his gaze meet hers.
"You're right," he says. "...I can't do it."
Aguri blinks.
"I can't kill you. I know that it's the right thing to do, but I can't condemn you to a death in that matter. As much as I should… I simply don't have the will. You've gotten what you want, Yukimura. I will not tell."
"I will do… everything else in my power, however, to make sure that you keep your promise. You will die, and I'll make sure of that. If you go back on your vow I'll share. But if you truly intend to take care of this, then… I can't in good conscience pull the trigger."
"I… would like to get to know you as much as you'd like to get to know me. And… I apologize for my unprofessionalism up until this point. I hope as much as this marks a new start for me and Irina, it can mark a new start for us as well."
"Of… course," Aguri says. "Th- thank you. That's all I can ask for."
She releases a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding… feels a wave of relief wash over her. Hands shaking… eyes wet, her heart feels heavy- but not in the bad way. On the contrary… she feels free.
She knows she'd asked a lot of Karasuma. Not just for his mercy, but his acknowledgement, too. In giving her that, he'd stretched himself thin. And she really, truly appreciates it. She reminds herself to remember this Karasuma in the future. No more comparing him to Yanagisawa or to anyone else. This is who he is. And he's not cruel. He's just…
Tired.
He looks immeasurably exhausted as he sits across from her. Even as she stands. he stares with weary eyes. Not that she can blame him. She knows what he'd just shared, and it still breaks her heart.
She wonders why he'd told her at all. It wasn't to help her prove her point, was it? No… she wouldn't need to know for that. He'd likely have agreed to her terms either way. To alleviate his guilt, then? But that doesn't feel right, either. He doesn't have anything to feel guilty about.
Maybe he just recognized something about his own behavior. That, or even more impossibly, maybe he just realized he needed someone to listen.
"Thank you," Aguri says. "For sparing me and for sharing with me as well. That… must have taken a lot of bravery, Karasuma. But I appreciate the brutal honesty." She knits her eyebrows. "I appreciate being able to know what was troubling you."
"It's nothing," Karasuma replies, letting out a deep sigh. "I told you: I'm over it. I simply figured that sharing would… help me clarify why I made the decisions I did."
"Mmm," Aguri says, but she's not really sure she believes him. There's a weightiness to his words… and she doesn't fall for 'I'm over it' for a second.
He's just convinced himself he is.
"Have you talked to anyone about this before?" She asks.
"You mean like the octopus? Irina?" Karasuma replies. "No. You're the first one I've told."
"No," Aguri says. "I mean like… a therapist."
Karasuma blinks.
"No," he says blankly. "My parents didn't believe I needed it. I learned how to heal on my own."
"Oh," Aguri says, frowning. "Maybe you should go."
"It's too late for that now," Karasuma says with a shrug. "It's been a very long time since then, after all."
"It's never too late," Aguri insists. "Even if it happened forever ago, it's clearly still hurting you. That means it means something." A pause. "And at least you can go. Do you know what I'd do to be able to go to therapy? I'd kill a guy! I mean- not really, but you know- state secret. You should take advantage of what you have. You deserve it."
Karasuma shrugs.
"...I'll consider it," he says, but it sounds a little empty. Aguri decides not to push. As much as she'd like to see him get the help he needs, it's clear this is a sensitive subject. It already took enough willpower for him to bring it up in the first place. She's not going to go breathing down his neck.
"Thank you for being concerned, though," he says. "You don't need to do that after how poorly we got off at first."
"Yes I do," Aguri insists. "Remember? That's in the past now. It's the least I can do to thank you for helping look out for me." A pause. "You're… not like who I thought you were. You're just a person with legitimate issues. And so no more fighting from now on, alright? We're a part of the same team."
"Mmm," Karasuma says, and even that's a bit monotone- but that doesn't necessarily mean it's meaningless. He gives her a nod as he finally stands. And stretching, he admits that they should go.
"We've spent enough time here. Now that we've come to a conclusion, we can go home."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "...Be seeing you tomorrow?"
"Be seeing you tomorrow," Karasuma replies with yet another nod.
And with that… Aguri turns. She pauses in the doorway and briefly considers asking him if he meant what he said… that he's not going to tell on her. But she stops herself- takes a deep breath.
Of course he's not. He gave her his word, and she'll believe it. It's the least she can do after he saved her earlier today.
Korosensei meets up with her in front of the building and asks how it went. Aguri gives a bright smile and says "Well!" - Tells him that Karasuma hasn't condemned her.
Korosensei nods and says "Ah yes. I knew he would all along," but even she can spot the relief on his face. And she feels relieved, too.
Not just because the government isn't going to learn what Karasuma learned today, but also because she feels this signifies a true new start for them… an end to the projecting, and hopefully an end to the hurting, with that.
Yeah. Her and Karasuma will be fine.
Aguri passes out practically the minute she gets home. She says hi to Akari and Itona… tells them that Karasuma gave her his blessing, sits down on the couch, and then immediately sees black. She doesn't even realize how tired she is until she's already out. Her whole body aches from the fight with Reaper, and her heart's exhausted in other ways. She gets some much needed sleep, and by the time she wakes it's dark out.
A delightful smell wafts in from the other room, and Itona and Akari sit on the couch across from her, fiddling with their 3dses. Akari's got an inquisitive look on her face, murmuring, "You've got to show me how to jailbreak mine too, sometime. I can't believe you've seriously got Mother 3 on here."
"Heh. Yeah," Itona says with a smile. "It's not too hard. Just let me borrow it for a bit and I can get it done. It's cool messing around with stuff like that."
"Oh," Akari says, glancing Aguri's way. "You're up. Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah," Aguri replies, rubbing at her eyes. She's still a bit groggy… but her body hurts a whole lot less.
"Korosensei's working on dinner. He'll be glad to see you're awake."
Aguri nods. Though, she stares at Akari for a moment. Karasuma's words from earlier still haven't left her mind… and when she remembers them her heart aches. They were a cruel reminder of the danger her sister's been in, and when she thinks about how she could have lost her today her stomach does flips. She's glad that Karasuma and the rest were able to subdue Reaper. If something had happened to Akari then she wouldn't even know how to cope.
She hopes that… Akari doesn't feel the same. She knows that she does when she meets her sister's bright eyes- but she'd like to forget it. She'd like to forget that Akari would be equally as wounded by the loss of her. After all… she's going to die no matter what. And the idea of that terminality turning Akari into an adult like Karasuma… one who doesn't know how to cope with her own grief- it's a thought she can barely even fathom. No. She's got to prevent that kind of fate. She just… doesn't know how yet.
She opens her mouth to speak, but she doesn't get the chance. Korosensei pokes his head in and tells them that dinner is ready. Aguri stumbles to her feet… shaking off any worries for now.
No. It's alright. She's still got a few months to figure it out.
Korosensei's made soup and salad. They don't talk much over dinner, but they do chat briefly- mention how scary today was. Korosensei reiterates that he's glad that everyone is alright, and that this won't be happening again in the future.
"Karasuma will make sure of it."
Aguri nods along. If there's one thing she believes even more than the fact that Karasuma will protect her, it's the fact that Karasuma will protect those kids.
"How did the talk with the guy go?" Itona asks. "The fake Reaper?"
"Okay," Aguri says, not wanting to put the pressure of answering on Korosensei. "We've… still got quite a ways to go, but I like to think he'll do better. Everything's out in the open now now that he knows the truth."
"And so you'll be checking up on him?" Akari asks. "Or are you just hoping?"
"I'd like to," Aguri says. "I'm still mad at him for what he did, but…" A pause. "I can't help but see him as not too different from you guys in the E-Class. Ultimately it's up to him, but… yeah, if he'll let us."
Korosensei looks melancholy for a second, but Aguri doesn't budge. As much as she loves him, this is his victim they're talking about: he owes him closure. And afraid as he is, she has a feeling that this'll be good for him, too. She heard the sincerity behind his words earlier today. This isn't just closure for his apprentice. It's also closure for him. She'll be here to help him get through it.
Thankfully, Itona and Akari don't seem too upset. Akari shakes her head and lets out a laugh- says that usually she'd be worried, but that she knows Aguri.
"I'd have to be a fool to expect anything else. Good luck, then. You've got this."
The four of them go to bed early. Akari heads off to her room and Itona retreats to his little nook in the corner. Korosensei dozes off soundly, but Aguri lies awake for a while… staring up at the ceiling.
Maybe it's just because she passed out earlier- but she doesn't feel tired at all. She's still got a lot on her mind… thoughts of dying little sisters and abused little boys. She can't believe that all of that had happened in only a few hours. Just this afternoon she'd been having the time of her life watching a football game. To think that the kids would be kidnapped… that it'd be done by Korosensei's apprentice. And to think that she'd find peace with Karasuma on top of that.
Overall she thinks she feels… good. Exhausted- and a little bit worried- but… good. She's thankful that she could manage to get Karasuma to open up. And she's thankful that she could get Korosensei to give Reaper a chance as well. And so now she's not distraught. Just… introspective.
It's still weird thinking about how she'd felt before Karasuma had saved her… when Reaper had been strangling her. She'd been so, so afraid. Why? She'd already known what was coming for her. She still does.
She thought she'd accepted it by now... given up on wanting to live. But suddenly there's a spark- and she's not sure how to feel about it as she rolls over in bed.
'Terminal,' Karasuma had described her, and she must admit she'd never thought about it that way before.
But there's nothing she can do to fight it. And so she tries not to let it weigh her mind too much. Instead, listening to Korosensei snore… she simply decides she's thankful to have so much to make saying goodbye so hard.
The next morning is surprisingly normal. Aguri doesn't remember falling asleep… but that's okay. She gets out of bed- ignoring her achy bones, eats breakfast with Korosensei and the kids, and then heads out. It's not a long walk, and they're all in a relatively good mood. They're still a bit tuckered out from yesterday, but it's nothing that they can't handle.
Karasuma is waiting for them at the crest of the hill. He gives a curt nod as Aguri gives a wave. And to her surprise when she greets him he even says "Hello."
He doesn't give her any more than that, but that's okay. One thing at a time. And as much as she knows not to beg for scraps, sometimes baby steps are alright.
Irina is also waiting inside. Aguri jolts- shocked to see her. She knows that she promised the students she'd be back… but some part of her hadn't really believed it until she'd seen it for herself. She feels a wave of relief wash over her. She'd been really worried about Irina for a second there. And even though her return doesn't necessarily mean that everything's alright…
It's a start.
She reaches out for her hand.
"Hey. Do you have a second to talk? Class hasn't quite started yet. And while I'd hate to bother you…" she gives a pause. "I still haven't gotten the chance to apologize."
Irina's expression shifts. Nose wrinkling, she asks "For what?"
"I don't know," Aguri says. "For everything." Another pause. "...Listen: just hear me out. I'd like to get your perspective on what happened. That, and hear what's going on with you and Karasuma, of course." She gives a shit eating grin. "He gave you a rose yesterday, yeah? What's the deal?"
Irina's face flushes red, but Aguri doesn't back down. Not now that she knows he's a certified goodboy. She swore she'd be Irina's wingman, and she will be, gosh darn it!
"Fine. Fine," Irina says, turning around. "Follow me out to the sex shed. I'll crack. But not with a bunch of perverts hanging around. We need privacy."
"Hey!" Nakamura cries. "No fair! We wanna gossip about your sex life, too."
"And perverts?" Korosensei gasps, covering his heart with his hands. "We're no such thing."
"Sorry, guys," Aguri says. "This is a girls' talk." A pause. "An adult girls' talk. You stay in class and behave. And yes, t hat includes you, too, Korosensei."
"Finnneeee. But only if you promise to let me in on it later," Korosensei replies with a particularly intense set of puppy-dog-eyes. "Not that I'm a pervert, of course… but I'd simply like to support Irina, you know!?"
"Yeah. Yeah. Sure," Irina retorts, tugging Aguri by the hand. "Let's go already. I'm done dealing with these clowns."
Thankfully, this time there doesn't seem to be any resentment to her tone.
She notes that Irina is dressed differently as she follows her out to the shed. She hadn't noticed it at first… but she's no longer donning her usual wear. Instead she's sporting a simple white sweater and a long red skirt. It's odd to see- but not bad, she thinks. In fact… it's kind of cute.
"Trying something new?" She asks, giving a smile.
It takes Irina a moment to process what she's talking about. Glancing back down at her sleeve, she nods.
"Yeah," she says. "It's kind of dumb but I wanted to try something more modest. What do you think?"
"I think it's cute! It's a good look for you. Don't worry about it."
She's happy for Irina. As much as she thinks she deserves the right to express herself however she wants and that skimpy outfits can be freeing or whatever, she also has a feeling that the hypersexual stuff was a bit of a trauma response for Irina. Letting herself let go of that… it's a sign that she's getting better.
Irina unlatches the shed and steps inside. She plops down on a bench… crosses one leg over the other.
"Alright," she says. "What do you want to know?"
"Well first and foremost, what's going on between you and Karasuma," Aguri explains, sitting down next to her. "Are you an item? Or…?" She drifts off. "I'm sorry- it just feels weird even wording it like that while talking about him. Are you dating?"
"Yes and no," Irina says, giving a shrug. "I think he asked me on a date, but you know how it is with him… he's weird. I guess you could say that we're taking things slow. Lord knows it'll be ages before we actually dick down."
"Hey! That's not too bad," Aguri replies. "At least he asked you for one-on-one time. That's pretty cool."
"Yeah," Irina says. "I'm looking forward to getting to know him better."
Even she can't hide her smile.
"What about you and Karasuma?" She asks, glancing down at her nails. "You had some big heart to heart… yeah? How'd that go?"
"Good," Aguri replies. "He offered to spare me." A pause. "Er- not spare, but- he's not going to tell the government about my weakness. He's going to make sure that I die another way." She frowns. "It's still a bit unsettling, of course, but… I'm thankful. He didn't need to do that for me."
She decides not to tell Irina about her suicide pact or about Karasuma's dead sister. Both of them are far too personal. As much as she'd like to open up, something tells her it's not her place to share.
"Yeah. He did a lot of stuff yesterday he didn't need to," Irina admits. "I'm still processing it, too. I thought I was dead meat for a second there. I can't believe that he actually saved me." A pause. "...I can't believe that everyone seriously wanted me to come back."
"Well it's not like you left on your own volition," Aguri says. "We basically forced you out. I don't blame you for turning."
"Forced?" Irina asks, wrinkling her nose a bit. "Don't humor me. I threw a fucking temper tantrum. I was upset at the time, of course, but… the kids were just being kids. And Karasuma wasn't trying to hurt me. He was just trying to do what he thought was right." A pause. "...In his own deeply misguided and damn thickheaded way."
"That doesn't necessarily make it right though," Aguri replies. "I'm glad he apologized to you, and I think he really meant it… but he still shouldn't have said those things to you. They just weren't true."
"Yeah," Irina says. "I know."
"I'm sorry for participating as well. I knew that I shouldn't have let the kids set Karasuma up like that, but I just got so excited. I wanted to do something nice for you. I didn't realize it would end like that."
"It's fine," Irina replies. "Really- stop apologizing. You worry way too much about this stuff. It should be me getting down on my knees and begging for forgiveness- remember? I tried to kill all of the kids."
"Which isn't okay," Aguri says. "It isn't okay at all. But thankfully no-one was hurt… and you switched back to our side when we needed you. That's what matters. As long as it doesn't happen again it's water under the bridge. And I know it won't."
"Yeah," Irina says. "Of course not. Not after all the shit we've been through." She drifts off… stretches a bit. "Though if we're getting all sappy and taking back things we regret or whatever I'm sorry for what I said to you yesterday, too. About… you not being able to live a life in the light."
"No," Aguri says. "It's okay. I know you didn't actually mean it. You just felt like I was being dismissive of what you'd been through. And seeing us as one in the same, you lashed out." She reaches out... grabs Irina's hand. "If anything, you should just be apologizing for saying you couldn't live a life in the light. Both of us still can."
She knows that's not true. She knows that she's going to die… but now's not the time for any of that. If Irina's going to live on after her, then she wants her to know that it's not too late for her to live a life that's happy. There's a spark in Irina… and regardless of what she's been through, it still hasn't burned out. Hearing her say that her future is ruined… that's a disservice to all the willpower that it's taken her to get here.
"Well I don't know about that," Irina replies, hesitating a bit. "I can play Barbies as much as I want, but the truth is I've still got blood on my hands. There's no coming back from that."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I know. But… it's not like you're alone." She gives Irina's hand a squeeze. "A lot of people I love have pasts they can't take back. But that doesn't mean it has to define your future. You never have to hurt anyone again if you don't want."
"Mmm," Irina says, finally pulling away. She looks a bit uncomfortable, but she does give Aguri another warm look. "I'd… like that, I think. I really do feel safe here. With you, the kids. Karasuma."
"Good. That's a good thing for you, Irina. I'm happy for you." A pause. "Though… I was wondering if I could ask you something." It's been eating at her for a while, and with all this talk about living in fear…-
"What is it?"
"...How long have you been doing this?"
Irina pauses. "What? You mean assassination?"
"Yeah," Aguri says. "And…"
She drifts off.
She can barely even bring herself to say it. She feels terrible asking. But she has to, doesn't she? How long Irina's been a seductress? It's important to understanding why she is the way she is… why she deserves this happy life more than almost anyone else.
"14 years," Irina says almost bluntly. "Been doing this for a while now. My parents died when I was real little and Lorvo took me in. He and his wife taught me the tools of the trade and that was that. It's been my life ever since."
Aguri frowns. Brows knit- she does the mental math. Irina just turned 21, right? That would mean that she's been doing this since…-
Oh.
(That would mean that she's been doing this since she was seven.)
She feels a bit sick to her stomach. She'd known that it was bad- but she'd assumed that Irina had been in this sort of environment since she was the students' age. To think that she'd been subjected to that even younger… she can hardly even fathom it. That's terrible!
"I'm… I'm sorry to hear that," she sputters. "Oh gosh- I didn't realize."
"Eh," Irina says with a shrug. "No need. It doesn't really bother me." A pause. "I'm used to it. I didn't even realize that there was something 'wrong' with it up until recently. I just thought that that was normal."
'Normal,' she says, and Aguri feels her heart catch in her throat. Even now she's trying to justify it… say it wasn't that bad. But that's not true, is it?
She was seven. She was just a little girl! Why didn't her-? Her mentor should have stepped in! But then again, why would he? He was training a seven year old to kill. He wasn't going to stop at…-
(At the unthinkable. The unfathomable. That.)
So badly she wants to hug Irina, but she knows it's not her place. Not when Irina is telling her how she was taken advantage of. The last thing she needs right now is touch. She needs…
(Reassurance? Acknowledgement? Or something else?)
"That… doesn't make it alright, though, you know. You shouldn't have gone through that."
"Mmm," Irina says, leaning back. "I know that. But shit's not fair, is it? We live in a pretty crapsack world. I'm sure you're aware of that too."
"Yeah," Aguri admits, biting her lip. But somehow she feels bad even saying it. Sure, what she's been through is terrible, but is it even a blip compared to that? Her life- her life's in no way been easy, but at least she grew up in a country that had peace.
"I think that's why I was so in denial that any of this was real," Irina admits. "...Convinced we were deluding ourselves. It feels... it feels weird- wrong - stepping into the light after so much time away from it. You get used to the risk of dying at any moment… the possibility of having everything torn from you. Being given stability… it actually kind of sucks. Makes you want to blow it all up and burn your bridges down before someone else can." A sigh. "...But here I am anyways. Basking in it."
Aguri thinks she gets now just why Irina did what she did. Karasuma's words didn't just hurt her feelings- they put her own fears into perspective. She wasn't only lashing out in anger… she was trying to drive them away before she could remember that she cared.
And that sucks. But she's… glad that she's come to her senses now.
This isn't going to be taken away. At least not for her. Aguri's still not sure about where she falls in this equation, but Irina has a future… she just knows it. And as many times as it takes for her to believe it she'll say it.
"Don't worry," she says. "It's not going to go away. Me and the students and Karasuma… we won't let you go back into the dark. You can stay here. You can stay here as long as you'd like. And if that's forever, then so be it."
Irina's quiet for a moment. She looks almost like she doesn't believe her, but her gaze softens slightly… and she gives a tired smile as she glances Aguri's way.
"Yeah," she says. "I'm starting to get that by now." A pause. "I'm still not sure that's what I want… what I can want, but," A pause. She leans back slightly. "It sure would be nice." She's quiet for a moment… thinking. "And the same goes for you. That I think you can stay like this for the rest of your life, I mean. Something close to happy."
Aguri blinks. Now that she thinks about it, Irina had been talking about both of them earlier, hadn't she? 'We were deluding ourselves.' 'We got used to the risk of dying at any moment.' 'We didn't know how to accept a world of peace.'
That still doesn't make what they went through the same. It never will. In her eyes Irina will always be more of a victim than her. But if she truly sees them as one in the same… then she's not going to tell her 'No. You had it worse.'
Irina doesn't want to have had it worse. She wants someone who gets it. And even if Aguri's not sure she does entirely, in some ways she does.
That's what matters.
And that's… what makes Irina's words feel all the more genuine. Irina knows that Aguri could die at any moment. She knows that both of them could. But all the same, she's offering up that confidence: 'you can do something with what you still have.'
She… appreciates that.
"Thank you," she says. "That really means a lot. I'm glad to hear that from you, Irina."
"Eh," Irina says. "Don't be. You're the one who started it."
And with that… they fall silent. They sit there for a while, not quite sure what to say… but when they realize they've said all that needs to be said, they stand. It was a good talk, but… they should probably go.
(As cathartic as it was to chat, it was also a little suffocating, too.)
"Thank you for talking with me," Aguri says. "About what happened. About your past, too. I'm glad that you could trust me like that."
Irina shrugs. "I had to talk to someone. And I figured I at least owed it to you after trying to kill your kids. Just don't bring it up in front of anyone else, alright?"
"Of course not," Aguri replies. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. We're friends, remember?" A frown. "I wouldn't share that."
"Yeah. Yeah. I just had to double check."
"We are friends, right?"
"Yeah," Irina says with a smile. "I think so."
She looks a bit small as she makes her way across campus, but she perks up a bit when she sees Karasuma- the kids, and Aguri smiles too. Because small as she looks… and far as it is she has to go, Irina's finally letting herself live in the light. And that doesn't just give Aguri hope for Irina. That gives her hope for Karasuma… Reaper… Akari, too. Irina is proof that those who have been hurt can get better. And best of all:
She looks so bright in the sun.
