Aguri's night is filled with numbness. On the edges of her consciousness, there are thoughts about Nagisa… worries with regards to her father, and a tiredness that seeps down to the bone. But for the most part, she's too exhausted to hurt any further, and all that remains is an overwhelming sense of guiltiness.
She festers in it- feels groggy and slow. She rolls over in her bed as she struggles to sleep... stares up at the ceiling. There's an emptiness to the spot beside her. She never realized just how much she depended on Korosensei for warmth. The whole room feels cold.
(...Needless to say, she doesn't get much sleep.)
She wakes up feeling exhausted, but hauls herself out of bed. She's spent enough of the last day sleeping, and there are probably things she should do, even if it's a weekend.
Akari and Itona are waiting for her. They've already eaten breakfast, but they pass some her way and say that it's about time she got up.
"It's almost ten," Akari points out. "How are you doing? Feeling any better?"
"Not much," Aguri admits. "But I'm getting by." A pause. "And what about you?"
"Korosensei texted," Akari says. "He said that everything seems alright. He didn't give too many details, but…"
Aguri pulls out her own phone. Sure enough, there a message is. He greets her with the same enthusiasm as always.
[Korosensei] [11/2/2014]: Things have been going well. His mother is still angry, of course, but…
[Korosensei] [11/2/2014]: It seems like Nagisa's mostly been able to diffuse things.
[Korosensei] [11/2/2014]: I'll keep an eye on him for just a little bit longer just to make sure, but try not to worry, alright?
[Korosensei] [11/2/2014]: I hope you have a wonderful morning! 💛🐙
Aguri nods. She texts him back and says that she will, but admittedly it's a little halfhearted. She's relieved to hear that Nagisa's alright, but 'fine for now' is hardly fine forever. They've still got to get a real permanent solution figured out, and she's really not sure whether or not Nagisa will even allow that.
'One thing at a time, I guess,' she reminds herself, trying to subdue the pit in her stomach. 'Remember. You're not any good to Nagisa freaking out.'
(...She wonders if she'll be any good to Nagisa at all.)
"That's great," she replies, glancing up towards Akari. "And what about you, Itona? Did Akari pass on the news?"
Itona nods.
"She… told me that your dad is visiting. I hope that everything will work out." He hesitates for a moment. Frowns. "He'll let me stay, right?"
"Of course," Aguri replies. Her dad is a lot of things, but he wouldn't turn down a kid in need. And even if he would, she'd be sure to fight it. She's been useless enough as of late. She's not getting Itona hurt because of her, too.
"You won't be going anywhere."
Itona relaxes a bit. Nods.
"Well, that's a relief."
"What are you planning to do today?" Akari asks, glancing Aguri's way. "Itona and I were planning to stay in and play some Dark Souls... maybe invite Terasaka and Kanzaki over. I'd be happy to have you, but something tells me that's not much of your style."
"Oh," Aguri replies. "No, not really. You're right. I've never been too good at that kind of thing." A pause. "And besides… I've got things to mull over."
Forget what she's doing today. She doesn't even know what she's doing come Monday. Is she supposed to seriously just return to class? After what happened, that feels almost unprecedented. What if she freaks Nagisa out? Maybe she should hang back for a bit.
But that… has the possibility of making him feel bad, too. If she doesn't show up, he may very well blame himself. How does she give him some space while also letting him know he didn't do anything wrong? Should she even give him some space at all?
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Akari asks. "I thought Korosensei wanted you to take some time off."
"I can hardly afford to," Aguri replies. "He and I still have a lot left to decide on. I can't rest until that's over and done with."
As much as Korosensei preaches about finding a solution 'eventually,' the truth is the sooner the better. They've got to get something figured out. But what? Try and convince Nagisa but run the risk of failing? Pull him out of there without his consent and thus earn his scorn? Or leave him in the lion's den… accept that there's nothing they can do?
Not a single one feels satisfactory. But what if that's all that they have? She's still got to find the best solution, right?
"You're not going to be able to make any good decisions while you're pushing yourself to the brink," Akari replies. "Seriously. Just relax. I know that this is stressful, but Korosensei's keeping an eye on him. Use this time to recuperate. He'll cover for you while you do."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I know. It's just... hard."
And how is she supposed to 'rest,' anyways? If it were up to her she thinks all that she'd want to do is lie down and go back to bed. But that's hardly productive. She's got to do something legitimate.
"Maybe I'll go for a walk," she says. "...Try and get my mind off of things."
"That seems good," Akari says.
"I could check up on Reaper, too. See how he's doing."
It's a bit weird to say, but she's been meaning to do so, anyways. And besides, she needs someone to talk to. Akari has been telling her to cool down, right? That's the way to do so.
"That guy?" Akari asks, cocking an eyebrow. "Really?"
Aguri nods.
Admittedly, she doesn't expect him to give good advice. In fact, she kind of wouldn't be surprised if he deliberately gave her bad advice, but at least he's not involved in the situation. He's… someone she can explain it to and bounce ideas off of without actually hurting anyone. It's a good way to keep both the kids and Nagisa's immediate circle out of it.
Plus, he knows what Nagisa's experiencing. Maybe not completely, but certainly better than she does. She can ask him what he'd have wanted at his age... whether or not he'd have resented someone for trying to set him free.
Yes. She can see how he's doing and get some stuff figured out with poor Nagisa. Which may not seem like the perfect idea of relaxation, but…-
She doesn't want to completely forget what's going on. She just wants to blow off some steam. And if she gets to smell the flowers along the way…
...Well that will certainly help.
"Alright," Akari says. "If you say so. Just be careful, alright? I still don't trust that guy as far as I can throw him."
"Don't worry," Aguri says. "I'll make sure to play things safe. I just want a chance to get my mind off of everything."
"Right," Aguri replies. "...You heading out now?"
Aguri stands. "May as well. It's already late enough in the day. Let me know if you need anything."
"Of course."
She hugs Akari and Itona on the way out- lets them know that she loves them and then she's gone. She's still not sure if this is the best idea, but none of her ideas as of late have been great, and at least it'll get her out of the house.
...That, and give her someone to talk to. She'd tried her own solution but it hadn't worked. She'd tried listening to Korosensei and that hadn't felt right, either. It's time to bring other opinions in. And his may just be the only possible one.
What's going on here isn't in Karasuma's job description, after all. It's not something Irina has experience with, either, and it's certainly not for the kids to deal with. But Reaper? He'll be able to understand at least a little. And he'll be able to give her an unbiased perspective.
It doesn't take long to arrive at his motel. She knows where he lives by now, and it's not super far. She makes her way up the stairs and knocks on his door… hopes that he'll be there despite her forgetting to text. And to her relief, she soon spots a pair of golden eyes peering through the peephole. A gruff voice speaks up.
"Oh," he says. "You again. What do you want?"
"Nothing much," Aguri lies. "I just figured I'd stop by. Sorry I couldn't bring cookies this time, but…" she drifts off. "Wanna talk?"
Reaper hesitates, but soon slides open the door.
"Fine," he says. "No skin off my back. We're not staying here, though. I was actually just about to head out. You can follow me if you'd like."
"Oh!" Aguri says. "Really? Wow. Thank you-"
Reaper shrugs.
"There's no need to thank me. It's not like I'm doing anything important. If I can sell you on more flowers while I'm out, then that's just a plus."
True to his word, he does seem dressed to leave. He's got a thick leather coat on… and a big pair of boots, too. There's a shopping bag of some kind slung under his arm. Aguri can't make out what's inside, but there's a heavy smell. It seems to be meat of some kind.
(Briefly she wonders if it's that of a person- if he's seriously disposing of a body right in front of her, but she soon shakes the thought. No. It's far too small to contain anything like that. He's just…-
Well, she doesn't actually know what he's doing.)
"Great. I'd love to come with," she says anyways. "I've been meaning to check up on you… and, well, if you don't mind me being here, then I don't mind too much either." She gives an awkward laugh. "I'm taking it you're not doing anything assassination-related? If you were, you wouldn't want me here."
"No," Reaper replies. "Of course not. I'm not going to kill anyone in front of you yet. I'm just going to meet up with a few accomplices of mine." He smiles. "I've got a real big treat to deliver."
Two thoughts cross Aguri's mind.
The first is that maybe it is people-meat, actually. His nonchalance is telling, and even if he probably couldn't fit a whole person in that bag maybe he's got like. An arm. She wouldn't put that below him. She doesn't know too much about killing, after all. Maybe there's a… flesh-eating assassin he's delivering to. Some kind of underground version of uber-eats. Or he's planning to drop off a torso on an enemy's doorstep... scare them into silence. 'You don't want to mess with me after seeing this, do you?'
Her second thought is that she's actually pretty surprised this guy has friends. She… didn't get the impression that assassins worked with anyone, especially not ones like him... but he says the phrase 'accomplices' warmly. And to her surprise, she believes him.
He's meeting up with someone he likes.
(Which means he's probably not dropping a pile of flesh on their welcome mat, now that she thinks about it.)
"On the way there we can talk about whatever it is you want to talk about," Reaper offers. "After all, you're not here to just check up on me, are you? You look like shit."
"Well I don't know about-" Aguri drifts off, dangerously close to murmuring 'watch your mouth.' "'Shit' probably isn't the word for it. But I've got some things on my mind, yes." A pause. "I was actually wondering if I could… ask you for some advice."
"Advice?" Reaper asks, stepping out past her. "Hit me. Just be aware of who you're dealing with, here." He gives a small smirk. "Deals with the devil and all."
And as such, she explains. She's careful not to give out any identifying information. She doesn't mention Nagisa by name or even the fact that he's trans... just that his mother is dangerous and that things are getting worse by the minute. That she tried to make him burn the building down, and that Aguri tried to talk to her, but that it just went poorly. She explains how Korosensei's been trying to keep an eye on things, but how she fears that won't be enough.
"You see, I've dealt with people like his mother before," she explains. "That's how I got like this. He keeps telling me that everything's going to be alright, and Korosensei keeps telling me that, too, but I'm… not sure I believe that. He's in a whole lot of danger, and I think that he knows that, too, but he just won't care. What am I supposed to do?"
Reaper thinks it over for a bit. Reaching up to stroke his chin, he says "Well... I'm not sure why you're telling me this, but you're right it sounds fucked." He pauses for a second. "That's a lot for a kid to go through."
His smile doesn't fade, and he still walks with a saunter to his step, but there does seem to be the bare minimum of concern behind his eyes. He genuinely gives it some thought. He glances her way, then away, and then back again.
"I think I mostly just needed someone to tell about it," Aguri admits. "I- uh… don't have a whole lot of friends, being a state secret and all. It's just me, the kids, and the other teachers. Korosensei's great, but he's just one perspective. Then the kids… I wouldn't dare saddle them with this. And the other teachers? They're kind of out of their element. Karasuma… he'd feel as helpless in this situation as I do. He's kind of passive like that. And Irina… she wouldn't get it. She's never been through something like that before." She pauses, mind wandering back to 'Lorvo.' "At least not in that way."
"And I have?" Reaper asks, curious.
"Kind of," Aguri replies. "I know you don't think that Korosensei abused you, but you'll at least agree with me that he was mean, right?" A pause. "You… know what it's like to not have someone respect you. What would you have wanted if someone could have stepped in back then? For them to help? Or…-?"
She drifts off.
"I'm sorry. That's probably too heavy. And I don't mean to remind you of that kind of thing, but-"
"No," Reaper replies. "It's okay." He hums a bit... swinging his shopping bag. "I'm happy to share. Though it depends on what kind of question you're asking. 'Back then' when? At nine? Twelve? Nineteen?"
"At his age," Aguri says. "Fifteen."
Reaper rubs his chin.
"I think that's around the time that I started to get sick of it," he admits, taking a turn down a back alley. He stops in front of a shady storage unit. It seems to be abandoned at first glance, but paying more attention, Aguri swears she can make out a strange clamoring from inside.
"I realized I was never going to please him," Reaper continues, reaching into his pocket to retrieve a key. He swivels it 'round his finger. "And so I decided I was going to outclass him. Of course, I couldn't do it yet… that would still take a few years, but that was the point where his every act began to irritate me. I wasn't afraid of him anymore. Not even a little bit. In fact… I was mad."
He stalks towards the door- undoes the lock and starts to push it up. There's a raspy breathing sound from inside.
"I wouldn't have wanted someone to rescue me at all," he decides on. "Not while I was scheming like that. I didn't see myself as in need of help. and I still don't. Despite his words stinging like razor blades, that's what gave me strength. And soon enough… I was able to strike!"
He moves in one swift motion. Swiping the object from inside of the shopping bag, he slings it through the air. Something leaps out towards him- snatching it before it can possibly reach the ground. And then something's upon that. One beast. Two. And then another.
Massive Dobermans. There has to be at least a half-a-dozen of them. With wide eyes and mighty jaws, they tear at the meat… devouring what so clearly now is not a human arm, but just steak.
"On him," Reaper says with a smirk. "Just like that. Prod the sleeping beast enough and you eventually get the teeth."
"Oh," Aguri says, blinking dumbfounded. "You have dogs."
Reaper shuts the door behind him. Tossing out another scrap of meat, he says "Yep. Though not as pets, mind you. As tools. I take 'em out on missions sometimes. Whaddya' think? Pretty cool, yeah?"
"Yeah," Aguri says, still staring. "That's super cool. I just thought that…-"
"What?" Reaper asks. "That I was actually going to take you to meet a real accomplice of mine?" He snickers. "Fat chance! You should have just seen the look on your face! 'Dogs!? Seriously!?' You were terrified!"
Alright, so her first impression was correct. This guy doesn't have friends.
"Mind if I pet them?" she asks, already crouching down. They admittedly look pretty ferocious lunging at each other like that, but they're just dogs, right?
"Go right ahead," Reaper replies. "Though do so at your own risk. Do be warned that the girls bite."
"I'm not afraid," Aguri reassures, reaching out a hand. "Even if they tried, they probably couldn't leave a mark on me. Mutated, remember?"
She reaches out to place a hand on the nearest dog's rump. It jolts a bit- startled… but soon relaxes as it realizes she means it no harm. It goes back to devoting its full attention to guzzling down its meal. Aguri gives a soft smile.
"Right," Reaper says, seeming to just now remember that. "...Interesting. And so animals can't hurt you, then?"
"Well I'm not certain," Aguri replies. "I've never tested it."
"And what about if a person bit you?"
"I'd prefer not to find out."
She tries her best to ignore the sadistic edge to his voice. Unsettling as he is, something tells her she's not actually in too much danger. Even if he did want to hurt her, she's long since figured out his strategy by now. Without Karasuma to protect, she could take him on easily. Or at the very least, get away. And she's pretty sure she won't have to do that, either.
If… his goal was to assassinate her he wouldn't be showing her his dogs. He wouldn't have sold her flowers, either. As much as he'd hate to admit it, this is a process of opening up.
"Anyways," she says. "What was that you said earlier? It wasn't much of an answer." A pause. "Do you seriously mean that you wouldn't have wanted to be taken away from that situation?"
Reaper shrugs and plops down.
"Not really," he says, shoving a dog's snout away from the open bag. "I wasn't some damsel. And I'm sure this boy's not, either. Even if he was, you know what they say: even a worm will turn. Push someone far enough and they'll snap." He wrinkles his nose a bit. "I'd already been pushed to that point. And so no, there was no going back to a normal life for me."
Aguri glances over at the dogs. She's just now noticing it, but they've got collars on. There are no addresses or phone numbers attached… just names. Cute, simple things like 'Daisy' and 'Petunia.'
She blinks.
"I don't think that's true," she replies. "At least… not entirely. After all, this is still pretty normal, isn't it?"
Reaper might kill people for a living, but even he has quiet moments. That matters, she thinks.
(What is it she said earlier? About it… being too late to save Nagisa? Being too late to save herself too? She kind of regrets that now. Admittedly she feels that way a lot- that it really is over for her, but she doesn't like that phrase.
'Too late.'
Is it too late for anyone?)
"I guess," Reaper replies. "But being able to masquerade as normal doesn't necessarily mean you are." A snort. "And besides, I don't need to be. I'm content with this life. It's whether your student would be or not that I'm musing about."
"I don't think he would be," Aguri admits. "He told me that he didn't want to be an assassin."
"He may not have a choice," Reaper reminds. "And I'm not just talking about assassination, anyways. I'm talking about being pushed. You seem so convinced he needs protecting, but how do you know that he won't just take care of it himself?"
"..."
"He could always kill his mother."
"That's not going to happen," Aguri insists.
"You sure?"
"Of course. He's not that kind of person."
"He doesn't need to be," Reaper responds. "No-one is. Just one moment of weakness: that's all it takes. There's no going back and…" he drifts off. Shrugs. "Well, you've taken care of someone you thought you loved."
She knows he's not talking about his actual dad. It was the original Reaper who took care of that. And so he's talking about…-
"I think you're projecting."
"Perhaps," Reaper replies, finally tying shut his shopping bag. "But you are too," he says, reaching out to pat the back of Daisy's neck. "You asked me what I thought. Said you saw what I went through in this." A pause. "I was just giving you an honest answer. Letting you know what actually happens when that kind of thing goes down."
She wants to say 'your experiences aren't universal- you have an extremely skewed worldview,' but that feels rude somehow. Instead, she decides on "He protected her, actually."
"Hmmm?"
"That night. When she was yelling at him and trying to make him scared, an assassin attacked. He protected her, anyways. He did so with vigor." She drifts off. "He does love her. He doesn't want anything to happen to her."
"And so you're more afraid of the darkness traveling inwards? Harming him instead?"
"Something like that," Aguri replies. "Though of course, I don't want him to hurt his mom, either."
Just… end up very far away from her. Go somewhere where she can never touch him again.
"Maybe you're right," Reaper replies. "Maybe it is too early for that kind of violence in him. Maybe he's just not inclined towards it at all. Either way, you're right in that you're on a deadline… that you've got to do something. If you don't think he'll take care of it himself or you don't want him to, then go right ahead. Get him out of there. That's certainly one way to prevent him from ending up like me."
"That's not the goal," Aguri replies. "I don't think you're that bad. I guess I just want to… prevent him from being hurt like you were."
Reaper scoffs.
"More or less the same thing."
"And that's the plan," Aguri replies. "I do want to get him out. But I guess I'm more stumped about… how? He won't agree with me no matter what I say. I want to protect him, but he doesn't care. Where do I even start?"
"You may just have to act," Reaper muses. "There might not be a solution that makes him happy. But if you think this is the option that will do the least harm…" a pause. "Well, you may just have to risk being hated."
Aguri frowns.
"You said that was what you were afraid of, right?" Reaper continues. "Him resenting you? Well, if you think he's going to be damaged so badly, that's a sacrifice you might just have to make. He might have to hate you." A pause. "Unless your reputation is more important to you than his safety, that is."
"Of course it's not," Aguri replies. "...Never."
She'd just… never thought about it like that before. Maybe Reaper is right. She doesn't want to think about it that way, but if it comes down to it, maybe she will have to do this without his consent. She's afraid of hurting him, and she's afraid of making him hate her in the long run, but it's better than him ending up dead.
Still, there's a hesitation. A… sort of mental roadblock. 'No. That's not the perfect solution,' she thinks. But then again, 'there probably is none.'
"Do you… really think that I'd be able to get him out of his mother's custody without his permission? I'm not his guardian. I'm just an observer. What if they don't believe me?"
"Well, I don't know a ton about Japanese law," Reaper muses. "But you said she tried to make him burn down the school, yeah? Use the security cams, then. There's a boatload of them set up outside of it. I hacked them back when I was pulling my little stunt. If you can collaborate with the principal… catch evidence of her trying to commit arson, then, well… you won't need his permission. You'll have the case in the bag."
"Huh..." Aguri replies. And to her shock, he's right. She'd almost completely forgotten about it, but there are cameras outside of the school. That's how Gakuho'd figured out that she'd returned to teaching in the first place. And that means that they might really have an argument… even without Nagisa.
"That's actually a pretty good plan," she admits. "I still don't know if I'm sold on it, but… maybe you do have a point."
It's not one she likes, but it does make sense. If she wants to prevent the most harm possible, then she might have to play the bad guy.
(It leaves a bad taste in her mouth, but she tries not to think about it too long. No. She can't get caught up in her own guilt complex. Not in this situation.)
"A-anyways-" she says, trying to change the topic. "Enough of the bleak stuff. Thank you for the advice, but I really don't wanna drag you down." A pause. "How about we talk about… uh- about something else? I couldn't help but notice your dogs have collars. Did you name them all?"
Reaper smirks a bit. Putting his hands up behind his head, he says "What? Did the thought get a little too intense for you? Okay." He leans forward… places a hand on Petunia's head. "Let's talk about dogs then."
He lazily points. "That's Petunia and that's Daisy. They're the most aggressive of the bunch. Behind them are Lily and Dahlia. They scout stuff out for me. Jasmine and Rose tend to hang near the back, and then Violet and Willow have the best grasp on the guns. They're some real dangerous dogs."
Aguri laughs a bit. 'Flower names, huh?' she thinks. 'That's actually pretty cute.' At least until she's hit with the realization of the second-to-last thing he said.
"Wait- what!? Guns!?"
It's Reaper's turn to laugh. Staring down at Aguri, he says "What? You didn't think I kept them around to just bite people, did you? That's nothing! I keep guns strapped to them during actual outings. Mount 'em to their backs and keep the triggers wired to their jaws. That way when they bark it's a barrage of bullets. Pretty cool stuff, huh?"
Aguri blinks. She genuinely can't tell if he's messing with her. On one hand, it sounds way too ludicrous to be true, but on the other hand…-
"That… sounds kind of dangerous."
"Damn right," Reaper replies. "That's the point. They know not to bark around me, though. They're way too well trained for that." He cocks an eyebrow and smirks. "Pay attention. Notice that they haven't yapped at all since we came in."
"Huh," Aguri says. "...Oh. Wow. I guess you're right."
She can barely believe it, but listening in, that's actually true.
"It's one of those things that seems ridiculous at first glance," Reaper explains. "But if it works, it works. The more outrageous the strategy, the better if you ask me. That way no-one will ever see it coming. I mean… just look at my scythe! It's got a 100% kill rate for a reason."
It takes Aguri a second to process what he's talking about, but eventually it hits her. 'Oh. That's right,' she thinks. 'He's not talking about an actual scythe. He's talking about his gun.'
"Not 100%" she reminds. "Close, but Karasuma survived."
Reaper huffs. Slouching forward a bit, he says, "That doesn't count. The damn old man already knew what I was planning. If he hadn't been involved, the government agent wouldn't have survived for sure"
"Mmm," Aguri admits, trying not to think about just how much the thought unsettles her. "And so you had that back when you were working with him, then?"
"Kind of," Reaper replies. "I wasn't able to actually put the plan in motion until long after he was gone, but back when I was still a dumb kid I'd tell him about all sorts of ideas that I had. Hidden guns and dogs with weaponry. He'd shoot it all down of course- say it wasn't 'traditional,' but guess who won out?"
"Me with my stupid, unusable strategies." He lets out a snort… rubs at his cheek. "Some fool he was. Ideas that he shot down- thought would never become anything; they were the reason I was able to beat him in the first place."
He doesn't say it aloud, but it's clear there he's talking about his masks. Korosensei recounted the story for her… how his apprentice ratted him out and fled with his flesh in full view. It makes her heart ache a bit.
Had… Korosensei heard about that idea before? And had his answer seriously been 'no, that won't work,' not 'that would really hurt you?"
...Yikes.
"Well, for the record," she says. "I think you've got some pretty good strategies. I know it probably doesn't mean a lot to hear from me… I'm no expert assassin, but you're plenty imposing. You almost managed to kill us all back there."
She's careful not to state it like a good thing. She's thankful he didn't. But something tells her that… that's not what he needs to hear right now.
"Mmm," Reaper says. "But 'almost' isn't what people like me strive for."
Aguri falls quiet. Trying not to stare at the space 'round his neck where his face disconnects with his skin, she says "Sorry for trying to change the topic. I know you're probably worried about my student too, but..."
"Worried isn't how I'd put it," Reaper interjects. "And so don't stress. I suppose I'm just… thinking." He reaches out to scratch Dahlia under the chin. Says, "This is a whole lot to take in. But I don't mind talking about these guys. They're pretty cool, too."
The dog leans into his touch. Letting out a content breath as she rests her head in his palm, her ears twitch back. He caresses her carefully… a surprising amount of gentleness to his motion considering he's a man with a loaded gun in his index finger.
He says he's not worried, and maybe he really isn't. But Aguri believes him on 'thinking,' at the very least. If he's not reflecting on Nagisa, then he's most certainly reflecting on himself.
"Hey, Reaper? Mind if I ask you a question? You don't have to answer if you don't want, but I've been wondering about something."
"What is it?"
"What was your relationship with your real parents like? It's clear you don't like Korosensei, but what about before all of that? Were you… happier?"
Reaper cocks an eyebrow. Looking genuinely surprised, he says "Now I didn't expect you to ask about that."
"You don't have to answer if you don't want," Aguri reiterates. "I just thought that…-"
"No, no," Reaper says, waving a hand. "I'll answer. Just give me a second to think it over."
He's quiet for a little bit. Then finally, stroking his chin, he says "I don't know if happier is the right word for it."
He steeples his fingers. Leans forward.
"I didn't get along with my 'real' parents, either. My dad was a tyrant and my mom tended to get walked all over. 'Cause of that she wouldn't take my side in too much. It was a pretty miserable existence. Lots of fighting… trying just to get my way." He shakes his head. "There's a reason why I left without too much fanfare. I saw the old man kill someone like my dad and went 'Woah! That's incredible.' And you know the story from there on out. I followed right after and tried to do the same thing. And well, now... here I am."
He leans back and cracks his knuckles. It's funny. He's surprisingly nonchalant for telling a story with so much anguish. He'd proud sounding, even.
If Aguri didn't know any better, she'd think he was a sociopath. She'd think 'your dad is dead and you're smiling like that!?' It's certainly what she would have told him months ago. But now… things are different.
She's right about one thing: it is abnormal not to care. But she doesn't think that's his fault. For such violence to feel freeing… for it to have seemed like an out when he was just a child, then his dad must have legitimately sucked.
(If he didn't, then Korosensei's failure wouldn't mean anything. Of course there's the possibility that Reaper was rotten from the start… that he was just spoiled and that's why he doesn't care. But if that were true then… Korosensei wouldn't be responsible for making him into the killer he is today, and he so clearly is.)
"Wow," Aguri says. "That's… pretty heavy. I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be," Reaper replies. "I've long since grown used to it." A pause. "Why are you asking? Worried about that kid's future?"
"A little bit," Aguri replies. "I'm… scared that I'm not going to do the right thing. What if he ends up regretting it? What if he looks back on opening up about his abuse and he- well, he feels the opposite of you? What if he wishes he'd just stayed? Or what if…" she drifts off. "What if things only get worse?"
"I don't know what's going to happen to him if I go through with this," she continues. "What if… his dad hurts him too? Or if he just ends up feeling sad because he thinks he failed his mom? What if he still feels the way you did while you were with the first Reaper?"
"Not better, but not worse?" Reaper asks. "...Hm. Yeah. That's pretty tough. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, as they say. But I think I trust you to do whatever you think is right. You seem stubborn like that."
"What I think is right?" Aguri asks. "What about what's actually right, though?"
"I don't think there are right answers in situations like this," Reaper replies. "I don't think there are right answers in most of life. The world's a dark, gritty place filled with dangerous and angry people. You're never going to be able to appease all of them, or even just one person."
"...That's not very reassuring."
Reaper gives a shrug.
"I'm not a reassuring guy, but that's the truth. And so don't worry about finding the perfect solution. Just trust your gut." A pause. "...Trust your gut and hope he won't regret it for you later."
'Regret it,' Aguri thinks. She wonders if he's speaking from experience.
"Would you go back if you could?" she asks. "...Not follow after him?"
"Nah," Reaper says. "I'm content with my life. And besides, that's not what I resent the old man for." A pause. "Good on him for killing my folks. I just hate him for everything that came after."
"For," he wrinkles his nose a bit. "...making me think he was different." He's quiet. "I became an assassin because I wanted to kill monsters. Little did I know everyone was a monster deep down."
He looks small sitting there. Some part of Aguri wants to reach out and place a hand on his shoulder, but she resists.
Instead, frowning, she says "I don't think that's true."
"Isn't it, though?"
"No. Not at all." She shakes her head. "You've met a lot of monsters, you're right. I think we both have. But you're not a monster, and neither am I."
Reaper's lip twitches. Looking between them… the boy with bullets in his finger and the woman who towers so tall above him, he asks "You sure?"
"Sure," Aguri replies. "Maybe we'd seem like that on the surface, but…" she drifts off: points to where Rose rests her head on his lap. "Something tells me that dogs don't trust monsters like that."
Reaper stares. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He simply sits there in thought- still patting the dog as sun filters in through the windows behind them.
After what feels like forever, he finally stands… says that they should probably go.
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you more of a definitive answer with regards to your school shit," he murmurs. "But the dogs are all tuckered out. We should probably split up and give them some rest."
He says that, but it's clear he's talking about himself. There's a certain paleness to his already ashen face… and there's a tiredness behind his eyes.
"Alright," Aguri replies. "That's okay. We've talked about a whole lot today. You're right, the dogs must be exhausted."
She gives a small smile as she stands. Admittedly she's still on edge, but she's thankful he's invested in this. Even if he can't give a complete answer, that's okay. At least he cares enough to apologize at all.
"I'll be heading back home then," she explains. "I'll be seeing you around, alright?"
"Right," Reaper replies. "And make sure to let me know how all of this ends up."
"Of course. Don't you worry. You'll be the very first to know."
And like that, she's gone. She leaves the world of relaxing with the dogs and returns to mulling over questions. She's tired, she thinks, as she makes her way home, but not necessarily in a bad way.
Reaper's... given her a whole lot to think about. She thinks she's finally got some more perspective on what she wants to do. It's not perfect, but there are the bare bones of a plan formulating in her mind.
He's right. Even if she might regret it someday- or even worse, if Nagisa might , acting is still better than standing still. She's got to do something. She's got to step in.
(And not with words. Not with persuasion. She's taking this to law.)
Of course, there's a possibility that could go horribly wrong… but there's a certainty things will go even worse if Nagisa stays where he is. Uncertainty hurts, but she'll take it any day over the story having already been written. She's taking Nagisa away from there, whether he thinks it's the best solution or not.
('He'll hate you,' she thinks again. 'He'll hate himself.' But she tries not to dwell on it.)
The possibility of his future being dark is better than the guarantee.
...And besides, regardless of what happens, everyone will be there for Nagisa. He won't ever be a lost cause. It's not like Reaper is broken because of what happened to him- being faced with that unwinnable dilemma. Hurt, maybe, but not a monster.
The goal isn't to prevent Nagisa from having a dark future entirely. She's not sure that's a hundred percent possible. The goal is just to get him to the future at all, and make sure he's hurt as little as possible along the way.
(This will hurt. She knows that. But it'll still hurt less than before, right?)
Briefly, her mind wanders back to what she asked Reaper. 'You'd change it if you could, wouldn't you?' But the answer had been no. Why?
And even further back. She's with Yanagisawa again, and she's scared and she feels unloved. But even so, would she have made a different decision back then, even if she knew what would happen?
He… threatened to hurt her family if she left. They could have gone bankrupt. Imagining a world like that… one where her baby sister sits out in the cold-
She feels herself shudder.
(She asks Reaper if he'd change what happened to him, but the real question is directed towards herself.
'Would you?')
She tries not to think about it. No. There's no backing down now. She's got to be the monster. And even if the uncertain sometimes seems scarier than the hurt you know's coming…-
That doesn't mean it actually is, does it?
Korosensei's still not there when she gets home. He does video call her, however: asking her how her day went. She says 'okay,' she thinks.
"Things weren't perfect… but I'm finally beginning to formulate a plan." She lowers her gaze and gives him an intense look. "A real one. We're going to do something."
"That's wonderful," Korosensei says. "Make sure to tell me all about it when I'm home on Monday. Unless you'd like to discuss it now?"
"No," Aguri replies. "It can wait. I think I… still want to talk it over with Karasuma first. And I'll be pretty busy with family stuff tomorrow, anyways."
"Ah," Korosensei replies. "That's right. Akari told me your father was coming home. Good luck with all of that."
"Thanks," Aguri replies with a nervous laugh. "I think I'll need it."
Korosensei cocks his head a bit. Asks, "And why on earth is that?"
"I dunno," Aguri admits. "I guess I'm just afraid that he won't like me anymore, or that he'll be mad at me, even." She drifts off. Frowns. "...We didn't always get along."
"I'm sure that won't happen," Korosensei reassures. "You're wonderful, and if he cannot see that, then…" his expression shifts slightly. "Well, that is something we'll deal with at a later date. And I'm sure we'll not have to worry about it. More than anything, I bet he'll just be glad to see you're okay."
'Okay,' Aguri thinks, giving a sad smile. '...Yeah. Right.'
"Well, I should probably be heading off now," she admits. "I've- uh… still got to eat dinner before I get in contact with Karasuma. But thanks for talking to me, alright? And make sure to let me know if anything happens with Nagisa."
"Of course," Korosensei replies. "I'll be seeing you soon. And so try not to worry too much, alright?"
"Right."
True to her word, Aguri gets in contact with Karasuma after dinner. She briefly considers stopping by his house, but decides it's far too late for that and video calls him as well. It takes him a minute to answer the phone, and when he does he sounds confused.
"Yukimura?" He asks.
"...Hey," Aguri murmurs. "Can we talk?"
She's sure to explain the whole situation. He probably already knows most of it- having been in contact with Korosensei and all, but it's nice to give her side of the story. She lets him know about the altercation at the school… about her ill-fated meeting with Nagisa's mother, and even her discussion with Reaper.
He listens intently, breathes deep, and pinches his nose a bit as she finishes up. "Ah," he says, realization seeming to dawn in his eyes. "And so that's what's been going on."
"I'm sorry to hear about that," he continues. "I knew there'd been a situation with Nagisa, but…" he pauses for a second. "Not to that extent."
"Yeah," Aguri replies, looking away a bit. "It's really bad."
She scratches at her collarbone and says, "I hope you believe me. I know I've been inclined to just kind of throw the word abuse around before, especially with you, but… this is different." She bites down on her lip. "He even told me she hits him."
Karasuma's quiet for a minute, but nods.
"I believe you," he says matter-of-factly. "I hate to admit it, but… I had a feeling something was going on with that boy."
"What should we do?" Aguri replies. "Korosensei and I have been thinking things through, but nothing too definitive has come up yet. Do you think that what Reaper suggested is the right way to go about things?"
"Hm…" Karasuma replies. "Well, you'd certainly have the means to do it that way. Usually, the situation would be more complex, but the security cameras even things out a bit. And I'd be able to give my testimony, too. Surely they'd take my word as a member of the ministry." He pauses and furrows his brow. "...However-"
"However?" Aguri repeats.
"Are you sure that's the best idea? While I'm certainly happy to give my input, you're the expert here, and you seem a tad uncertain."
"I'm not uncertain," Aguri tries to clarify. "I do think this is the best way to go about things. I guess I'm just… depressed." She shakes her head and lets out a sigh. "I wish I could find a better solution. I hope he won't hate me for this in the long run."
"I'm sure he won't hate you," Karasuma responds, but even he sounds unsure.
He gives her a serious look.
"Even I must admit I don't feel great about this," he states. "But you're right in that it seems to be the best solution we have. Why don't you meet up with me on Monday? We can get in contact with Asano and start discussing obtaining footage from the tapes. If things went down like you said they did, we'll be able to make a case. I know that's still not a perfect solution, but it's a start. And in this line of work sometimes that's all you can get."
"Right," Aguri replies. "Alright. Sounds good to me. I think that's all I had to discuss, but I just wanted to let you know." A pause. "...Thank you, Karasuma."
"Of course," he replies. "You know I care about those kids, too."
And with a click, the call's ended. Aguri flops back on her bed and stares up at the ceiling. She thinks that there's more she could do with her day, but she can't bear to stand. It's only 7 PM and she's completely tuckered out.
She can hear Akari talking in the other room. She's chatting with Itona about one thing or another, a strange intonation to her voice. Aguri wonders if she'll be alright. Surely she's worried about Dad coming home, too… and he'll be here tomorrow, before they even know it.
She thinks that she should probably leave a voicemail or something to let him know what's going on, but she doesn't even know where to start. He's thought she was dead for the past eight months. She's going to give him a heart attack if she calls him up now.
(But like seeing him in person is any better-?)
He's going to be stunned either way. She hopes it'll be a good stunned, but probably not. She… doesn't look or act anything like she used to. A small part of her is scared that he won't even believe she's his daughter.
(Why would he want to, after all? She's this.)
And that's not to even get started on how she's worried Akari will take it. She hates him, right? Their father? She hopes that his homecoming doesn't upset her sister, and that she doesn't say anything to upset him, either.
(She blames him for her death, she thinks. Selling her off to Yanagisawa. But Aguri doesn't think that's his fault- not like Akari does. The only person she's got to blame is herself.)
...She can't believe that all of this is happening at the same time as what's going on with Nagisa. It's got her stressed out of her mind. She'd feel petrified with just one of these things going down. But two? Talk about bad timing.
She's going to start dismantling his life on Monday. She's going to take everything he has and rip it from him in one fell swoop. She's still scared that it's the wrong thing to do- but she won't back down. She knows that's just the meek part of her talking. She knows what she's got to do, even if it'll make him hate her.
(...Even if it might make him cry.)
She just hopes that it won't affect his friendship with Akari. Whatever comes next, she thinks more than anything he's just going to need friends through all of this.
And while she's thinking about what's got her stressed, that's not even getting started on-
"...Can't sleep, huh?"
Aguri looks up. Still dazed, she hadn't even realized someone else had entered the room. But there he is, sitting on his futon as he fiddles with some sort of electric parts. He barely even looks her way.
Itona.
"No," Aguri replies. "...I guess not." She leans back a bit and shakes her head. "I think I've just got a lot on my mind." She trails off and frowns. "What time is it? I didn't see you come in."
"Only nine," Itona replies. "But I figured it's best I get to bed early. We've both got a whole lot to deal with tomorrow."
"Isn't that right?" Aguri replies, staring up at the ceiling. Her lip twitches a bit. "...I'm sorry for looking so gloomy right in front of you. I know you've got enough to be worried about as is."
"No," Itona replies. "Don't worry. I'd be stressed in your shoes, too." A pause. "Erm-... am, I guess. I'm admittedly still a little scared your dad's going to kick me out. I know that's not realistic, but-"
"Don't worry," Aguri replies. "I won't let that happen."
And she legitimately wouldn't. She decides on that then and there. She's got trouble standing up for herself usually, but this is different. There's something even more important on the line.
"This is the house that me and Akari have been living in for the past few months," she states. "He doesn't have any right to kick anyone out." A pause. "...And he won't, anyways. I'm sure he'll love you."
"Mmm," Itona says, but even he can tell Aguri barely seems sure. "And what about you?" he asks. "Are you ready for all of this?"
"Not really," Aguri replies. "But what choice do I have? He's my dad. I have to see him again. I don't have that much time left. But I guess I'm just…- I'm just a little scared that he'll wish I stayed dead."
Itona's quiet for a minute. Aguri thinks she expects him to say something like 'he won't,' but instead when he stands up he states "That would be really shitty. I hope he doesn't do that to you."
He plops down by her side. He's still got half of a phone in hand, but most of his attention is dedicated to her.
"You don't deserve that," he adds on. "Really."
Aguri looks up again. Barely able to meet his eye, she says "Yeah. I know. But that doesn't make it any less likely."
"Mmm," Itona repeats. "Still… I'm always here to listen if you want to talk about it."
"I really shouldn't," Aguri replies. "It's not your burden to bear. And besides, I don't even know where I'd start. It's not like I get why I think I'll be rejected."
"You can always try," Itona insists. "And I don't mind. You seem lonely without Korosensei here, and I know you're not going to talk to Akari. You don't want to turn her against her dad, right? But… you deserve someone to talk to. It's the least I can do to repay you after everything you've done for me."
"Itona," Aguri insists. "...You don't need to repay me. All I've done for you is just what I thought was right."
"Yeah. I get that," Itona says. "But I still want to see you do well." A pause. "Think of it like… just doing what's right for you, too."
He's firm, but not forceful. It's easy to tell that he's not going to make her talk if she really doesn't want. And yet… she somehow feels like she owes him. He wants to be able to support her too, right? Maybe she should let him.
"Well." She lets out a sigh. "I guess I just…- sometimes I think my relationship with my dad has never been good. I've always loved him, but it feels like… sometimes he didn't love me back, or that I didn't make him proud." She drifts off and stares up at the ceiling. "We used to be close before Mom died, but that was, like, forever ago, and once he started closing off I always got the impression that he liked Akari more than me."
"Of course… I can't blame him," she admits. "She's smart and she's cool and she did deserve the attention… she was doing a whole lot more than me. But it also feels like… every conversation we had for a while there was just him telling me how disappointed he was in me. Asking why I wouldn't get a real job like my sister."
"And if he was already disappointed in me then, what is he going to say about me now?" She asks. "At least back then I was trying. But now I just…- I just kind of sit around and make things worse."
"I don't think that's true," Itona responds. "I mean, obviously I didn't know the old you, but I don't think you make things worse." He scoots in a bit closer. Frowns. "In fact… I think you've made my life better."
And, realistically, Aguri knows that. She knows she's helped Itona. But it somehow doesn't feel like her doing? Or… doesn't feel like enough? She doesn't know. She feels like she could have done it so much better before.
Is this… a new feeling? She thinks she used to be proud of what she accomplished. But now…-
"I think all of the Nagisa stuff is getting to me," she admits. "I'm… so scared I won't be able to help him in the way he needs, and I guess that's reflecting on the rest of my life." A pause. "I feel bad for going to talk to his mother like that. I really messed up."
"I won't deny that," Itona replies. "But it was just an honest mistake."
"Which is fine in theory," Aguri muses. "But not when it hurts someone like that. And besides, he's still depending on me. What if I mess it up? What if- what if things go wrong with my dad and I end up not being able to think straight? What if I make more bad decisions while his future's on the line?"
"Korosensei won't let you," Itona replies, voice matter-of-fact. "It's not like you're doing this alone. You have faith in him to make the right decisions, right?"
"Well, yes. At least when there is one. But what if there's no right decision at all?"
Her voice wavers a bit. "What if… no matter what I do, something horrible will inevitably happen? What if I can't save Nagisa? And what if I can never make amends with my dad? What if he sees me and decides to run? There's no coming back from something like that."
"Admittedly I can't give too much advice about Nagisa," Itona murmurs, prodding at his bandana. "But as for your dad, if he does, then that's his loss." A pause. "...I'm sorry you feel so scared of his rejection."
"I mean, I've got to be, don't I?" Aguri replies. "He's my dad. I love him. I want him to love me back." She drifts off and shakes her head. "But with how things have been it seems so likely he'll hate me; that he'll be afraid or disown me or kick me out and try and take Akari with him. And I know that's terrible… I know I shouldn't be assuming those kinds of things from him, but he's never liked me before. Why would he put up with me now?"
Itona's quiet for a bit. Glancing away, he frowns and says:
"I don't think that's terrible. Feeling that way about your dad, I mean. Sometimes I resent mine, too."
A pause.
"Of course, I feel bad about it, but I do. It's… hard not to when you've gone through everything I've gone through. And it's even harder not to resent yourself." He gives her a sympathetic look. "I don't think that… being afraid he won't love you is a slight against his character. I think more than anything it says a lot about how you feel about yourself."
Aguri frowns. This is pretty much the first time Itona's dad has come up since he moved in. He never seemed particularly eager to talk about it, and she wasn't going to push anymore than she already had.
"Do you also feel that way?" she asks. "That he won't accept you or want you back?"
"Man," Itona says, shaking his head. "Sometimes I'm afraid he got rid of me on purpose . I know that that's not likely- he just wanted to do what was best for the family, and in sending me to my uncle's he was trying to protect me. But… why didn't he ever call? Has he really not had the time to look for me once since I ran away?"
Some part of Aguri wants to say 'I'm sure he was just ashamed. Not of you, of course, but of his failure,' but even that doesn't feel like an excuse. Surely Itona was feeling his own failures, too. Why didn't his dad comfort him?
"I don't know," she says. "Either way, I'm sorry to hear that." She lets out a deep sigh. "You… don't deserve to feel like that."
"Thank you," Itona says. "And neither do you. I don't really know what happened with your dad to make you feel this way, but personally I think you're pretty rad."
Another sigh.
"Thank you, Itona. That means a lot."
It takes a second of mulling it over to remember, but she does know what ultimately instigated these feelings. It wasn't just a lifetime of passive-aggressive comments and disdain, was it? There was a point where things boiled over… and that was the point when she first felt like she'd been gotten rid of, too.
...Being engaged to Yanagisawa.
He'd told her it was for the good of the family- and some part of her had really believed that. But looking back on it: seeing the way there's always been a distance between them- well, she has to wonder if Itona was right.
...Maybe they were just tossed out.
She doesn't say that aloud, of course. She's comfortable talking about some things, but not about being sold off. Not to this little boy. Him knowing she's on the verge of collapse is bad enough as is.
"I get why you're scared, though," he finally admits. "It's… not just a fear of this one thing going wrong, is it? It's not even just a fear of this one thing and then the Nagisa thing going wrong. This is a really big moment, and you feel like if you don't play your cards right you might never be a part of a normal family again. I… get that. Admittedly I get really scared sometimes, too, when I think about seeing my family again. I love them and I miss them, but it's hard not to worry that they won't think I'm worth it anymore. That I haven't grown enough or that I'm not 'strong.'"
"...Still," he says. I believe in you. And if things really do go bad with your dad, remember you'll still have a family. Akari and Korosensei…- you know they'd never leave you alone."
'Right,' Aguri thinks. And his words touch her. Though it still feels like there's something he's forgetting.
"You too," she reminds him. "Don't forget you're one of us now. If something goes wrong with your family, we'll be there for you. And if not…-" she drifts off. "Well, that won't matter. Then twice as many people will just be thankful to have you around."
It takes all his effort just to not show his emotion on his face. A little bit bleeds through, tender and teary-eyed, but Aguri doesn't comment. She simply sits up and wraps an arm around his shoulder.
"Thank you, Yukimura-sensei," he says. "That means a lot to hear."
"Of course," Aguri replies. "Anytime."
They sit like that for a while, battling their respective demons. But, slowly, as the conversation drifts to a lull, their breathing starts to settle… and Aguri says that they should probably sleep.
"You're right that we've got a real busy day tomorrow. I wouldn't want to go about it tuckered out."
"Yeah," Itona replies. "Me neither. We should probably get some rest."
Before he can go, however, she's sure to thank him one last time. "Thank you for talking to me, Itona. That seriously means a lot."
"Don't sweat it," he replies. "Like I said: it was only the right thing to do."
And besides, the look in his eyes seems to say he's thankful, too.
They brush their teeth and Itona returns to his futon. He drifts off in no time- a gentle snoring echoing around the room as he rests. Aguri gives a sad smile.
'And so he really was tired, huh?'
She rolls over and tries her best to get some rest herself. She's still got a lot on her mind, and she's still scared, of course, but it… she feels like she's done this one thing right at least. Itona feels a little bit more at home, and that's what matters.
(She feels a little bit more at home, too.)
She tells herself to have faith in his words. Because even though she's not entirely sure she deserves it, he's right, isn't he?
...Whatever happens tomorrow, she knows she still won't be alone.
