Aguri wakes up to the sound of voices.
It's a little past seven, and she rolls out of bed with a yawn. Listening to the commotion, she rubs at her eyes and starts to stand… at least until she processes what's really going on- and with a start, she jumps.
There's something there she hadn't heard last night: a familiar tone, and she knows what that heralds: the one… the only:
Korosensei's return.
She gets to her feet and scrabbles to get dressed. Not only is she excited to see him, but she's got a feeling she's got some explaining to do. Dad still doesn't entirely know what's going on, and if his panicked shout is anything to go by, then she better hurry up.
"What—!?" She hears him sputter, utterly taken aback. "What's…—? And who are you—?"
He can barely even get out a word. Thankfully, though, Korosensei has more than enough words for the both of them… and Aguri hears him explain as she makes her way towards the other room.
"Oh my! And to think I almost forgot to introduce myself. I'm Korosensei: a friend of your daughter's. Pleased to make your acquaintance! I've heard an awful lot of good things about you."
She can tell even from the hallway that he's using his superspeed. The wind whooshes as he zips back and forth… presumably shaking her Dad's hand in a zillion different ways.
She's careful not to waste any time. Not wanting to leave him any more confused than absolutely necessary, she joins them in the living room. Dad's eyes flit towards her instantly- wide-eyed and shocked.
For a second she swears she spots sadness… relief, too, as he realizes it hadn't been a dream, but it's soon replaced with desperation. Stumbling back from Korosensei a bit, he asks "Is— is this thing really with you!?"
"Yep," Aguri replies, barely even phased at this point. "He's the guy I mentioned last night: the one like me."
She makes her way over to Korosensei. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she asks "How did things go?"
"I'll update you momentarily," he mutters in response. "But first I've got more important things to worry about! Like making a good impression, for one! Can you believe I've already embarrassed myself in front of your father!?"
"You've done no such thing," Aguri retorts. "Right Dad?"
"...Right," he replies, still sounding dazed. "I suppose you just… weren't the sight I expected to see first thing in the morning. Be a little less forthcoming, next time, won't you? I almost had a heart attack—"
"Well, that's no good!" Korosensei states. "I could have revived you, of course…. but how mortifying! I'll get right to apologizing. Allow me to make the two of you breakfast, please!"
He doesn't even wait for a response. He's already over to the stovetop, frying up eggs and bacon. For a split second, she thinks he's acting like a bit more of a suck-up than usual, but then again that makes sense.
He's been living in her dad's house for the past three months now. And if he wants to continue to stay in his daughter's life, then it's probably for the best he gets right to the people-pleasing.
Aguri lets out a laugh as she retreats to her seat. As overwhelming as the whole thing is, and even though she must admit she's a bit nervous too… she can't help but remark on just how much she missed him. She likes the splash of color he adds to the house… the desperate, needy way he glances back over his shoulder as he cooks, like if asking, 'Am I doing alright?'
'You're doing just fine,' she thinks with a smile. 'Dad will come around in no time.'
He makes his way over to the table, still looking utterly perplexed as he glances towards Aguri and then towards her 'friend.'
"Is he always like this?" He whispers, leaning forward. "He's certainly… energetic."
"Not quite this high strung," Aguri explains. "But pretty damn close. What do you think? Nice, isn't he?"
"...That's one word for it."
It's about then that Itona and Akari come trailing into the room. Letting out a yawn, Itona asks "What on earth is going on? Is there some kind of dying animal on the premises?"
"Apparently not," Akari retorts. "Just good old Korosensei. But then again… I guess that's pretty much the same thing."
Korosensei lets out a yelp, going bright pink. He turns back to look at Akari and murmurs "Can you not embarrass me in front of the new person!?"
Akari gives a smirk as she makes her way over to join Aguri. "I can't promise," she says with a snicker. "But I can certainly try."
Despite the jovial atmosphere, she's careful to take the seat across from Dad's. Itona plops down next to her… still looking a bit shy, but undeniably more comfortable than the night before.
In no time at all, Korosensei's finished with breakfast. He slides the eggs down onto their plates— giving a dramatic bow before being seated himself.
"I hope you enjoy!" He calls, but he's already distracted. He digs into his own food… trying to hide just how antsy he is.
Dad watches him, on edge. He does start to eat… but his eyes never leave Korosensei. He cocks an eyebrow as Korosensei opens his mouth to eat, only to shovel the food in, shut his mouth right back up, and chew with jaw closed.
His eyes flit towards Aguri. Still sounding mildly concerned, he asks "And so he's… like you?"
Aguri nods, half expecting him to ask her if she's going to do the same thing. She's not— of course— but she couldn't entirely blame him.
"He doesn't look like you," Dad comments, leaving Aguri to wonder if that's for better or worse.
"I guess not," she replies. "Everyone implanted with Antimatter ends up different. He's got different abilities as well."
"I see," Dad says, quizzical. "'...Abilities.' And so that means you can also—?"
"Use things like superspeed, yes."
Admittedly she feels a bit weird. She doesn't think Dad is trying to judge her, but it's impossible to hide his discomfort. It's a whole new world he's ended up in, after all. Of course, he's still confused.
She's quick to change the topic. Looking away from her father, she says "And so you told me you'd tell me about Nagisa, right?"
"Right," Korosensei replies. "He seems… okay. Things were still tense around the house, of course, but they never escalated to the point of physical violence. She did shout at him a few times, but I did my best to distract her when things got out of hand. Usually, a strange noise or knock on the door was enough to distract her and give him time to retreat to his room. By the end of the weekend, most of the tension had subsided. I still feel uneasy about this, admittedly, but I can say your confrontation with his mother didn't seem to have any permanent consequences… at least not when I was there to intervene."
If only he could always be there. Korosensei's report sounds optimistic, but it's the account of a weekend with a bystander involved. What if he hadn't been there to intervene? It's entirely possible one of those shouting matches may have turned physical. And even if they hadn't, there's no denying the psychological abuse would have grown worse.
She's… thankful he was willing to look out for Nagisa while the storm she stirred up subsided, but that's just a temporary solution. Even if Hiromi's rage over this has been alleviated, inevitably it will return for something else, and there they might not be so lucky as to have Korosensei keeping a watchful eye.
"That's good," Aguri replies. "...That you were able to keep things under control for now, at least. I've been thinking about what I want to do in the long term."
"Come to any conclusions? Last I heard, Karasuma said you were going to talk to Asano."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I think I am. But I also think that… I'm going to talk to Nagisa one last time before I do. I want to explain why I think it's so important to intervene. I… haven't been clear enough about that before. And I'm hoping that I'm honest enough he'll finally get it."
If Korosensei had an eyebrow, he'd cock it.
"What?" He asks. "The danger he's in?"
"No," Aguri says. "He already gets that. But… the price he's paying when he disregards it."
Korosensei nods.
"I see. In that case, I wish you luck. Admittedly, I think it may be hard to convince him, but if anyone can do it you can. See if you can get him to agree. Just be aware that—"
"I know. He might not. But before I take any options off the table, I want him to know that he's really not alone. He deserves that much, at least."
Korosensei gives a soft smile.
"Yes. I have a feeling you'll make him feel quite seen."
Soon after, the four of them head out. It's a little earlier than usual, but Aguri wants to be on time to chat with Nagisa. She says goodbye to Dad, stepping away from her chair… that she hopes he'll have a good day.
"I'll try my best," he replies. "And good luck." Although it's not entirely clear he knows what with.
'That's okay,' Aguri thinks. 'I don't need luck. What I need today is empathy, and my meeting with you's given me plenty of it."
She arrives at the school before Nagisa. The first few students are only just now showing up. They carry their bookbags up the mountain… giving her a wave as they pass her by. She returns the gesture— of course, but never once loses sight of her goal.
Korosensei, Akari, and Itona head inside. She tells them she'll catch up with them soon. She continues to wait, making a note of it as each new student hurries by. They seem in good spirits.
(And so it's just her living with the dread, then.)
Nagisa's not the last to show up, but he may as well be. Terasaka and co— perpetual slackers—have already long since entered the building by the time he crests the hill. He makes eye contact with Aguri… seeming to jump a bit.
"Hey," she says. "You're pretty late today. Everything good?"
"Yeah," Nagisa replies, scratching his arm. "Just got a bit caught up making breakfast. Wanted to treat Mom and all."
His gaze flits towards the ground.
"Angry as usual?" She asks. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm also sorry about setting her off. I really thought I could change things for you, but that was short-sighted of me. I know how people like that work." She sighs— shakes her head. "I'm not that special."
"You were just trying to help," Nagisa says with a shrug. "It's not a big deal— really. I was mostly able to keep her under control. She tried to confront me about it a few times, but…" he drifts off. "I knew what to say to stop things from getting too serious."
He talks like a world-weary war veteran. All too experienced, he knows how to navigate the minefield he's in. He seems to think that that makes it less horrendous— that it's okay now he can fend for himself… but the truth is it's a crime he was ever allowed to get to this point in the first place.
"That still doesn't make it alright," Aguri gently insists. "Even if you did manage to contain things, that never should have been your responsibility. I'm the adult here. I don't know why I added fire to the flames."
She shifts a bit.
"...Listen. Can we talk? I know you're probably sick of hearing it by now, but I feel like I've been too indirect with you in the past. I want to discuss what's really going on, and I want to actually listen to how you feel about it this time." She wrings her hands. "This will be the last time I ask. I promise."
Nagisa hesitates. Glancing backwards over his shoulder, something still seems to be holding him back. But inevitably, he relents. Sinking in a little bit, he responds "Alright. Just this once. But… there's still not anything you can do. You know that, right?"
"Maybe," Aguri admits. "But I can listen, at least."
The two of them don't go inside this time. After the last formal conversation in the teacher's lounge, it'd just feel weird. And besides… it's a beautiful day out. There's no point in putting this good weather to waste.
Aguri plops down in the grass a few feet from the school… motioning for Nagisa to join her. He sits down beside her in no time.
He's not the first one to speak. No doubt wishing he weren't having this conversation entirely, he keeps his gaze away from her. He sits in silence… perhaps hoping she won't breach it either.
She has to, of course, but she's careful to keep it far from him.
"I had a very busy past few days, you know," she comments. "Some crazy stuff went down when you kids were all off. I ended up seeing my dad again. I almost thought that that would never happen."
Nagisa cocks an eyebrow. Still apprehensive, but curious, too, he asks "Really? That's the first time since you've come back, yeah?"
For a split second Aguri doesn't know how he knows that— at least until she remembers Akari. 'Right,' she thinks, some of that confusion starting to fade. 'Of course she told him. They're friends. She probably keeps him up to date on all of the family drama.'
"Yep," she replies, giving a nod. "It was honestly pretty frightening."
"How'd he react?" Nagisa asks. "I mean… was he happy to see you?"
It's clear he's not entirely sure why they're talking about her life, but something tells Aguri he's just relieved they're not talking about his own.
"Kind of," Aguri admits. "At first he was super scared. He said all this stuff about how I wasn't his daughter… about how he hated me and didn't want me near Akari anymore. But eventually, he changed his mind. Something just… clicked and he realized it was me. From there, things went pretty well. He gave me a big hug and told me he was sorry for everything that had happened."
"That's good," Nagisa replies. "At least… kind of. I'm sorry you had to hear all those things before you could come back home."
Aguri shrugs. "It hurt, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. I suppose that interacting with my dad has just had me thinking a lot about…-" she drifts off. "...Our relationship. He didn't always get along with me. I'm not sure if you remember, but…-" a frown. "Did Akari or Korosensei ever tell you about how things were between us?"
"Not really," Nagisa replies. "I know Akari doesn't get along with him, but not much more. Why? What did he do?"
"My dad is…" Aguri hesitates. She's not sure if she should be telling this to Nagisa— but it's a way to prove her point, isn't it? And besides, something tells her he'll empathize with her more than he would himself. That's important.
"He's the one who married me off to Yanagisawa," she decides on. It's putting it gently, but her goal isn't to be too harsh. "His company almost went bankrupt, and Yanagisawa said he'd stay if he got my hand in marriage. Dad was… really depending on Yanagisawa to save the company, and so he agreed. He didn't know how things would be at the time, but that really changed my life."
"Additionally," she continues. "...He was always kind of dismissive of me, even before that. I think he'd look at what Akari was doing and then look at me— wonder why I wasn't doing more with my life. It wasn't intentional… and he didn't mean to hurt me, but I do think he made me feel bad about myself."
Nagisa's gaze softens, but he only briefly looks her way.
"I'm sorry to hear that," he repeats, shifting. "...Although I'm still not really sure what that has to do with me."
He can say that, and he does... but his tone betrays that's not entirely true.
"Well, both of our parents haven't been very kind to us," Aguri says. "A lot of people haven't. I think in interacting with you— attempting to navigate this situation, I've really honed in on that. But I've also forgotten just what it's like to be in your shoes, and last night reminded me."
"My dad really, really, really hurt my feelings," She continues. "And he honestly did it a lot. But… last night arguing with him, I didn't feel any of that. Or I didn't hate him, at least. Even while he was screaming at me, I couldn't help but think, 'Oh man. More than anything now I just want a hug.'"
She shuts her eyes… lets out a deep breath. Feeling shame wash over her, she says:
"You feel the same way, don't you? About your mom. No matter how bad things get, you love her anyways. And that's maybe not smart…— it's definitely not safe, but I know how it feels."
"Of course I feel that way," Nagisa replies, gaze flitting towards the ground. "Why wouldn't I? You're right…: my mom and I don't really get along sometimes, either, but I'm all she has. I have to look out for her."
A brief, nervous pause. Nagisa flicks at the hairband around his wrist.
"Why are you telling me this, anyways?" He asks. "I'd like to think you're saying that you get it and that that means you'll finally drop it now, but that's not it either, is it?"
"No. I'm afraid not."
"Why? Things with your dad went well, didn't they? Maybe I'll work things out with my mom."
"Our situations are a bit different, Nagisa. I'm telling you this to remind you that I emphasize with you— that I get where you're coming from and am gonna try and be a little more patient from here on out. But there's still one big grave difference between the choices we're allowed to make, and I think that you know what that is, too."
Nagisa looks away.
"What?"
"You're still a kid."
Aguri lowers her head. "I don't want to say this… I know it's probably the most infuriating thing to hear, but it's true: you're a kid and I'm an adult. I'm more capable of protecting myself in this situation. That's why… I was able to make the decision I did. He doesn't have financial or familial control over me anymore. And additionally, I have a support system now. I have Akari and Korosensei looking out for me… making sure nothing like that ever happens again."
"You don't have that luxury," she concludes. "You can't stand up to your mom without putting yourself in real, physical danger. And while you certainly have people who love you… we might not be around when something bad happens. What'll become of you then? I don't know what I'd do if you were hurt."
"I… won't be," Nagisa says firmly. "I get why you're worried, Yukimura-sensei... I really do, but it's not like you think. My mom's…- she's troubled, but she's not like your dad, and definitely not like your ex. She still loves me. She wouldn't actually want me to get hurt."
"Most people wouldn't," Aguri replies. "I'm not denying that she loves you. I really think she does. But I also think that… doesn't mean too much right now. My dad and Yanagisawa… they loved me, too. My dad was heartbroken by what happened to me- that much showed last night. And as for Yanagisawa…" she drifts off- averts her gaze. "He loved me too, in his own, sick, twisted way. He just didn't treat me like it."
She wishes it weren't true. Things would be a whole lot simpler if it wasn't. But it is, isn't it? Yanagisawa didn't love her like… someone who actually loves someone else loves them, but he thought he loved her. He loved owning her. Loved controlling her. Loved making her cry.
('Like a predator loves a piece of meat, then.' she thinks. Nagisa's mom is the same way.)
"Well, I guess that's true," Nagisa admits, scratching at his shoulder. "But I still don't feel like…- she's at least not as dangerous."
"She tried to make you burn down the school."
"Yeah. But she wouldn't…- my mom would never sell me off. She wouldn't abandon me. And she wouldn't hit me hard or experiment on me, either. I'm not denying that- I get why you see yourself in me, Yukimura-sensei… but I'm really not in the same danger you were."
"Yes. You are," Aguri says. "...And I think you know that, too."
"You're right," she says, scooting slightly closer. "Your mom probably wouldn't sell you. She might not give up on you or put you in serious physical danger or experiment on you, but she might do something else, yeah?" A pause. She shakes her head slightly. "She already has. Just because the things we've experienced aren't the same or you think your situation isn't as severe doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It's not a competition, Nagisa. If you're being hurt, you're being hurt."
"I know that," he replies, a slight edge to his tone. "But maybe it's worth it, alright? It's not like…- I'm not going to die." He scratches at his shoulder- wrinkles his nose. "I've already told you: some stress and some suffering is a price I'm willing to pay. It's not fair, but I'm not going to change my mind, either. This is my job."
"As who?" Aguri asks. "Her son? She hasn't done her job as your mother."
"Yes she has," Nagisa insists. "She's cooked for me and cleaned for me and put food on the table. Maybe she hasn't been a perfect mom, but she's still sacrificed a lot for me. I owe her a chance… at least until graduation."
"And so what's your plan then?" Aguri asks. "Are you leaving then if she doesn't change?"
"Well, I don't know about that," Nagisa says. "But I'm planning to cut my hair. If she can't…- she can't accept that, then I'll really start reconsidering things."
It's a beautiful thought, but it's just that: a thought. It would be wonderful if that could be the world they lived in… but it's not. His mom's never going to allow that to happen… at least not without struggle. And Nagisa isn't going to allow himself to leave so easily, either.
"Can you do that safely?" She asks. "How do you know she won't pull something like that again? What if she gets mad at your hairdresser? Asks you to attack them? Or what if she tries to hurt you? Will it have been worth it waiting until that point?"
"That… won't happen," Nagisa insists. "And besides, like I said: I'll leave if that happens. I just…" he drifts off- runs a hand through his hair. "I want to give her one last chance. After everything she's done for me, she deserves it."
"I agree with that much," Aguri admits. "But is this really the last chance, or are you going to change your mind then, too? How many chances have you given her before this, only to say 'Wait. Just one more.'"
"I never considered leaving my dad," she continues. "I don't think I realized he was mistreating me. But Yanagisawa… I thought about leaving a lot. I'd say 'if he hits you again, that's it,' and I really meant it. But then… it wasn't. I'd make up excuses- find reason to stay. 'Well, I really made him mad.' 'Didn't I kind of deserve it?'"
"'I'll go eventually' was a pipe dream: something I kept telling myself and telling myself and telling myself as I let the bar lower. And do you know what happened to me eventually? What point I let myself get to?"
"...What?" Nagisa asks, still hesitant.
"Eventually I didn't have that choice anymore. Yanagisawa locked me up and experimented on me and there was nothing I could do about it. I was finally ready to go… but I couldn't. He'd already made that decision for me." She shuts her eyes- runs a hand over the grass. "I'm not saying this to scare you, but I need you to think about that, Nagisa. What if you really are ready to go next time she acts out, sometime after you graduate, but it's too late? What if she does something irreversible? Won't you really regret it?"
"Well… yeah," Nagisa says. "Of course. But that's not gonna happen." He averts his gaze. "I told you myself: she wouldn't really hurt me." A pause. "...She wouldn't kill me, at least."
"Maybe not," Aguri says. She's still not sure she believes it, but that's besides the point. She doesn't need to convince Nagisa that his mom is actually going to kill him. What she's doing is equally as sinister. "Still: she's killing you in her own way. Trying to break your spirit." She drifts off… frowns. "She might not back down until you're exactly what she wants you to be. You don't want that, do you?"
"...No," Nagisa admits. "I mean- I don't think so, at least. Sometimes I do worry that I'd be better off if I was just the daughter she wanted: that I owe it to her, but…-"
"That's the sickness taking hold," Aguri states. "You say she's not getting to you, but that's proof of it. And let me tell you, Nagisa…: you're fine just the way you are. Even if your mother doesn't like you, we do… Korosensei and Akari and I: we think you're great."
"And… I appreciate that," Nagisa says, flicking his hair band again. "But it's not just- it's not just being a boy that I'm worried about. There are parts of me that aren't so great… that maybe my mom is right about. I don't really have a good plan for my future- I still don't know what I want to do… and I'm violent sometimes, too. You heard what I said to Korosensei… for a little while there I was considering becoming an assassin. That's not something that…- normal people don't think about that kind of thing."
"You're right," Aguri admits. "They don't. But do you have to be normal? What I told you still stands: we know all of that and we like you. I don't think you need a plan for your future- you're still just growing up… and I don't think you're violent, either. You're troubled, Nagisa. That's all. But that doesn't mean you're broken. That doesn't mean you should change."
She lowers her gaze. "...Especially not in the way your mom wants you to. I know you think she knows what's best for you- that you just want to impress her, but that won't make you happy. For all you know, she might change you in ways that make you miserable." She glances back down at her hands… gives them a flex. "After all, I just wanted to impress the people around me and it made me this."
Nagisa shoots her a sympathetic look. Biting down on his lip, his brow furrows, and guilt overtakes his face. He looks like he wants to respond, but isn't quite sure how.
"Doesn't it… hurt you to go and say that stuff?" he asks. "I know what I'm going through is bad, but it's not anything like what you went through. You shouldn't…- you shouldn't put yourself on my level. I know that it's scary, but we're still different."
"We're really not," Aguri replies. "I'm… not degrading myself by admitting that. I'll gladly say it: I don't think it undermines what I went through. It doesn't hurt me to say you've been hurt just as bad. The only thing that really stings is the fact that I can't seem to help. I want to give you what I couldn't give myself."
"And I appreciate it," Nagisa says. "But it's not your fault you can't help…" He drifts off- absentmindedly runs a finger over the back of his hand. "I know that you're doing everything you can. But no matter what you say, I'm always going to think it: What if it's not too late? What if my mom isn't like Yanagisawa- she's like your dad?" He grimaces a bit. "He changed, didn't he? Maybe there's…- maybe there's still a chance."
His voice cracks a bit. It's abundantly clear just how much hope he has. Even having given up on everything else… each aspect of his future, he wants to see this possibility through to the end? Why?
(She doesn't need to ask herself! She already knows. It's out of love. Stupid, naive, unconditional, blind love!)
"You're right," she says again. "There is. But all the same… even my dad had his revelation a bit too late. I love him, and I think I forgive him, but that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt. He'd only realized he'd been wrong after I was scarred. Having changed or not… there's no taking that back, and I don't want the same thing for you." A pause. "If your mom's going to change- and she can, I want it to be in a way that's not putting you at risk."
"Additionally," she continues, voice a bit softer. "...My dad's giving me distance for now. I'm safe…- I can believe that he'll make an effort in the future because he's not quite around. I think that if he were right at home I'd be scared: convinced he was going to hate me again, but instead he's letting me have space. That… impacts the situation a whole lot. If you were far from your mom, things would be different, but-"
"I can't be," Nagisa says simply. "It's not like…- I can't just move in with Dad. Everything is all or nothing with her. If I abandon her even a little she'll be gone forever. She'll really never forgive me."
"Maybe not," Aguri admits, shifting a bit. "...Probably not. But maybe that's worth it. There is so much more to your life than what she sees in you, Nagisa. You can do so many great things."
"I know you don't really believe that…" she continues. "And I know you don't really care, either. You're willing to sacrifice yourself- your safety as long as you believe you're doing what's right. And that's noble- there's nothing wrong with feeling that way, but it's also not okay. You feel that way because you've had your self-esteem disregarded and damaged for years. That's only natural… but it doesn't mean you're not actually worth anything. How you feel about yourself is wrong. You're not wrong in thinking it right now, but it's simply not true."
"And if you doubt that, just look at everyone else. Maybe you don't think your future is worth crap, but what would Akari think if she heard that? Korosensei? Sugino? They all want what's best for you. They think that you're great." She drifts off- looks him right in the eye. "Back when I died… or when I thought I was going to die, at least, I thought no-one would care. I thought that Akari and Korosensei and Dad would move on with no problem. But do you know what I realized when I came back?"
Nagisa hesitates for a moment. He tries to remain apathetic, but it's just no use. The cracks trail beneath the surface at Aguri's kind words, and finally the emotion wells out. Not sounding relieved- but not sounding scared, either, he asks "What?"
"That I mattered to them. All this time, I thought I was replaceable… that no-one would miss me if I were gone, but that wasn't true. Korosensei mourned me. Dad was hurt in his own way. And Akari… she broke. This person I thought was so much better than me…- she had been depending on me all along, and in giving up on myself, I caused her immeasurable harm."
She bows her head- gives him a serious look. "When you go out of your way to sacrifice yourself, you're doing the same thing. You're hurting the people who love you. And I'm not…- I would never tell you that to guilt you, Nagisa, but I'm telling you that because I think you'll care more. You don't care about what happens to you yet… and that's okay. But you care about what your friends think, right? You don't want them to suffer."
"Of course not," Nagisa replies, shaking his head yet again. "But I don't…- I don't want my mom to suffer, either. And even if the people who care about me are worried now…" His voice cracks a bit. " What if it only gets worse if I open up? What if I just end up burdening them more?"
"I know about what Korosensei did," he continues, hanging his head. "...I know he stayed at my house this weekend. He tried to be stealthy about it, but he's hardly good at that. Any time my mom started to get riled up, he intervened. She didn't notice him- thank god- but the whole time I couldn't stop wondering 'Why? Why is he going to this effort?'
"I would have been fine either way," he says, fiddling with his hands. "...I know how to talk my mom down. And so it's not like him being there did anything. He just ended up wasting his time. If he had never learned about any of this he wouldn't have had to do that. He would have been able to spend more time with the other students… with you-"
His guilt is incredibly clear. He doesn't say it out loud- and he doesn't show it in the same way… but he's feeling a bit similarly to Itona, isn't he? It's not just dedication to his mom that's driving him, even if that's the brunt of it. There's a sense of shame, too- a fear of being a burden.
"I don't mind," Aguri insists. "...And Korosensei doesn't either. I know that you think you don't deserve this, but people worrying about you…" she furrows her brow. "That's not in and of itself a bad thing. It just means that you're loved- and you are, Nagisa. You're so, so loved by people who'd be hurt if something happened to you one day."
"I know that first-hand," she continues. "I don't know you that well, I'll admit… but I really care about you. I think you're a great student. I think you're smart… and kind… and really cool, too. I appreciate how you were there for my sister while I was gone. I appreciate how you're still there for her. She needs friends like you," she says, giving a sad smile. "People who can make her laugh."
"...For a little bit there I was so worried that I was just thinking of taking you out of there no matter what. Karasuma and I could have certainly made a case against your mom. But the more I think about it… the more I realize that's not gonna work, either. For you to ever truly be free, you have to make this decision for yourself. And as such… I won't force you, but I will ask you, Nagisa. You're going down a dangerous path. But it's not too late for you. You don't have to end up like me. You will be happy one day. And I can promise you one thing:"
"You'll like yourself, too. That is the real biggest reason to go. Above the probability of harm and even above the fact that your friends need you, the reason you should be doing this is for yourself. You think that you'll feel this way forever… that you'll never care about what happens to you. But that's not true. It will happen one day, whether you leave or not… and I don't want you to end up looking back in regret."
"I never liked myself. I felt just like you did. But now I can think about it and realize that… you're making decisions a future, happier you will want to take back more than anything. I don't want you to go through that. I don't want you to come out with unnecessary scars…- years lost. You deserve better than that… and you can achieve it. Better days can come."
She knows she sounds desperate… but what else is she supposed to do? She's speaking from the heart, and she's long since stopped trying to persuade him. She's begging him. She can only just hope he can tell it comes from a place of empathy… not betterness or 'I told you so.'
Admittedly, Nagisa's unsure. He continues to look uncomfortable- uncertain as she speaks. But as she continues, his demeanor shifts slightly. That well of emotion grows… just, briefly, something flickers. And although he still doesn't look her way, he asks.
"...Do you really think that's possible? That… that you and Karasuma-sensei can get me out of there? That I'll still have a future even if I go?" His gaze flits to the side. "You keep saying I'll be happy one day, but is that possible without her?" A pause. "...Is that possible at all?"
Aguri's heart skips a beat. She knows she's close to convincing him. Finally, some of that stubbornness falls away, and he looks up at her, defeated… desperate.
If she says the wrong thing right now he may very well retreat into his shell again. She doesn't want to lie to him… say that things will be perfect, but she doesn't want to scare him, either. Of… course she thinks that's possible, right? That's why she's been fighting for this.
(But how? Why?)
Slowly… she shuts her eyes. She takes a deep breath to steady herself, before turning back towards Nagisa. She takes him by the hand.
"Of course it's possible," she says, voice firm. "Of course I think Karasuma and I can help. And of course I think you can still be happy." A pause. "I know things seem dark right now… and they are, but you can be happy. You can get better. Things will get better, I promise. One day you'll want to get out of bed with a smile. Which I know sounds ridiculous right now… but I'm still here, after all, aren't I? I never thought I'd feel this way. But things are…- they're great."
"I still have regrets, of course," she continues. "I always will. But I'm surrounded by people who love me and I'm doing what I like best. Nothing could ever negate that. And if someone like me can still have a future…" she tilts her head- looks him right in the eye. "Then you can too. I'm sure of it."
Nagisa falters. His gaze locked with hers, he tilts his head up… lets his lip quiver. So close- on the very edge of reaching salvation, he hesitates, still. Tears well in his eyes… and yet there's a spark. When he speaks up, it's desperate.
"Promise me," he says. "Promise me that I'll still have a future. That this would… would really be what's best for Akari and Korosensei and for you and for me. I don't know what I'd do if I messed this up… and so you've got to promise me, Yukimura-sensei. Promise me you think that's possible."
"I promise," Aguri says. "I'm no expert on abuse, Nagisa. I don't know how to handle these things perfectly or what you're really supposed to do when you love someone like that. But you having a future? I don't even have to think about it twice. Of course you have a future. I can see it shining so, so bright. And you are going to be happy."
She believes it. She really does. She knows she can be clueless at times… and that her own future looms over her head, but she really is happy for the most part… and he can be, too. Even long after she's gone- after Korosensei is, too… she can imagine him continuing to thrive: spending time with Karma, Sugino, Akari. He has so many people looking out for him. People who can make his time worthwhile.
She wants to reach out to hug him, but to her surprise, she doesn't get the chance. He meets her in the middle- wrapping his arms around her as he barrels into her shoulder.
"Okay," he says. "Okay. I… want to do it," his voice cracks a bit. "I want to still have that future. I know that it's wrong… and I know I'm being selfish, but I want it so bad. I don't want to be scared anymore… I'm tired of being scared. Please help, Yukimura-sensei. I want to go now. I want to…-" He starts to choke up. Finally, the tears fall. "I want to be with my dad. I don't want to have any regrets."
"I hope it's not too late," he continues, voice a sniffle. "I hope that… I can still have a chance. I'm really scared- I don't know what's going to happen. But you're right: I'm exhausted."
He clings tighter to her back.
"Please help. I'm begging you. I'm a bad son- I'm terrible… but I just can't handle it."
"I'll help," Aguri says, hands drifting up to his shoulders. She feels tears trickle down her own face, although she's not sure if they're out of sadness or relief. She pulls him in close… runs a hand through his hair. "I'll help," she says. "I promise. We're going to change things for you, Nagisa. We're going to get you with your dad. And you'll never have to feel like a bad son again. You'll be safe." She gives him a squeeze. "I won't let her hurt you."
"Okay," Nagisa says, giving a nod. "...Okay. Okay okay okay. You'll… you'll fix things." He gives a slight sniffle- bats at his eyes. "And if I change my mind later? If I really want to see her again?"
"Well… I can't promise that things will go back to the way they were before," Aguri admits. "That's up to her. But if you want to see her again… still look out for your mom, then we'll make sure it'll be on your terms… somewhere where someone can supervise you. You can do what me and my dad did. You're right. It's not too late." A pause. "...It's just too late to keep living like this."
If she had her way, she'd want his mom to stay away from him forever. But she knows that won't convince him. She's just barely managed to get him to come to her side. She's not going to risk ruining that now… and if that means they have to make a compromise, then so be it.
The goal was… never to get him to abandon his mother. In some ways, she wishes it was, but she couldn't ask that of him... not when she couldn't abandon her dad. The goal was to get him somewhere where he'd be safe… and hopefully, this'll be it. At the very least, it's a big, big step.
"Right," Nagisa says, sniffling some more. "I hope it won't be too hard breaking it to her. I'm… I'm gonna have to be really careful, huh?"
Aguri shakes her head. "It's not your obligation to tell her about this at all." A pause. "Don't tell her about this. That's a very risky thing to do, Nagisa."
"But doesn't she deserve to know?"
"She'll know in her own time," Aguri replies. "She'll know when the pieces are already in place. That way, you won't have to be in any danger, alright?"
"...Alright," Nagisa admits. It's clear he's still harboring guilt, but he's too tired to argue. He gives a small nod. "Thank you, Yukimura-sensei. This means a lot. I hope it won't be too much work."
"It won't be at all," Aguri reassures. "And you won't have to do anything more than you already have. You've been very brave, Nagisa. Karasuma and I will take care of the rest."
She's not sure how easy that'll be, but something tells her the hardest part is through. Being wrapped up in the midst of a legal battle... presenting evidence- at least that's something with a right way to go about it. Convincing Nagisa, though? She was almost never sure what to do. It's a miracle she was able to pull this off.
('Of course… there's still a risk of it falling through,' she thinks. 'What if he decides he's not ready? What if he decides he wants to pull out?')
'No,' she tells herself, shaking her head. Nagisa wouldn't have agreed to this unless he was sure. And the conviction behind his words when he said 'I want to have a future...' that was real. Now she just has to make sure he can get out without taking any risks.
She can't wait to tell Korosensei. She can practically hear his words in her head… the way he places a hand on her shoulder as he gives her a bright smile.
'Of course you did it,' he says, sounding sure. 'You always could. After all, you were the only one brave enough to try.'
...It's probably a little bit narcissistic, but knowing how kind he is, it's realistic, too. And giving a tired smile, Aguri thinks it's okay to feel confident just this once. She did something good. She rescued someone.
('No,' she thinks, feeling another wave of resolution wash over her. 'You just gave him the confidence to rescue himself.')
A small thing, maybe, but that's even better.
The two of them sit there through most of first period. Nagisa still has some crying to do, and they've still got some things to discuss. That's okay. Aguri doesn't rush him. And when he's finally able to pull away… looking somehow bigger than before, he turns over his shoulder to meet her eye.
"Thank you," he says. "...Both for going out of your way to worry about me and for thinking I'm brave."
"I don't just think that," Aguri promises, making her way over to his side. "You are. And so just keep being brave, alright? Good things are coming."
She knows that he can't quite believe that. Not right now, at least. Nevertheless, though, he gives her a purposeful nod… and when he makes his way in through the school door Aguri feels something wash over her.
'What is it?' she thinks. 'Is it pride?'
...No. It's something more than that. As she makes her way in after him, for the first time in a long time, Aguri feels hopeful.
Ultimately, Aguri's right. Getting him out of there is the easy part. Maybe it'd be harder in any other situation… but they've got a plethora of evidence backing them up. That afternoon, she and Karasuma make their way into Gakuho's office and explain their situation. He listens… quizzical, as he rests his head on steepled hands, but ultimately agrees to help. At least… kind of.
"I'm disappointed, but not surprised to hear of Miss Shiota's behavior. Of course someone irrational like that would end up lashing out and abusing their child. Usually I'd require another small fee to offer my assistance, especially when it comes to that group, but I'll make an exception just this once. I don't appreciate my property being endangered." He reaches over… slides the security footage forward. "Make her pay for me, will you? That's what she gets for attempting to burn my school down."
Admittedly, there's a frightening look behind his eyes, but Aguri tries not to be too bothered. They got what they came here for. That's what matters.
She thanks him and makes her way out.
Karasuma makes a comment about something being wrong with that man as he stares down at the tape, but Aguri's quick to defend him.
"A little odd, sure," she admits. "But not bad, I don't think. He was still willing to help us out, after all." A pause. "He agrees abuse is bad."
"Isn't that kind of the general consensus?"
Aguri gives a shrug. Still, not knowing Gakuho, she's not quick to pass judgment. For all she cares, he's just more bark than bite. His strange schooling system could very well be the worst of his crimes.
"Yeah," she says. "I guess you're right about that. But, still… it was nice of him to help us out just this once."
From there on out, everything is mostly Karasuma's duty. Being the one involved with the government, and also the one who's not a state secret, it falls on his shoulders to build Nagisa's case. Thankfully… though, he has plenty to work with, and being someone who's designated to watch the children, his higher-ups take his word seriously. They start to look into it in no time. And before Aguri can even blink, the custody battle's begun.
...The custody battle Nagisa's parents didn't even see coming. That his dad is as unprepared for as his mom. It's a whirlwind of emotions… 'Wait. That was going on!?'s and 'You told them WHAT!?'s. A discussion of abuse. A look into whether or not Nagisa is safe where he currently is. And although, perhaps in any other situation that would be more debatable, the tapes speak for themselves… as does Nagisa.
He recounts, truthfully, all that's happened. Over the course of hours... - days, even, he shares what he's endured. Aguri's not there to see it, but Karasuma tells her that he's brave. Even though he's probably scared… even though he probably wants to cry, he finally speaks up. There's no backing down now, after all… even if he wanted to.
And, just like that, it's over. There's a ruling. In less than a week, what's ravaged Nagisa's whole life is put to rest. His dad is given custody and his mom is told to never be seen around him again. She shrieks- argues, Aguri's sure… but it's no use. She's made her motives clear, and they'll no longer be tolerated… especially not with a government agent breathing down her neck.
She's… relieved. She knows this is going to be hard on Nagisa, and she knows she'll still have to support him to prove that he made a good decision… but this is a big step for him. And while his dad's not perfect (She still has some big doubts about him, too) he'll at least keep him out of harm.
Nagisa returns to school the moment he can. His friends flood around him- asking if that really all went down. He gives a nervous look, but nods.
"Yeah," he says. "I'm still not sure I made the right decision, but…" A pause. "I learned I was putting too much at risk. I wasn't going to do that to you all."
And some of the color returns to his face. Aguri has a feeling it'll still be a while before he can legitimately smile, but what needed to be done's been done, and what matters is that he'll believe in his future eventually.
As such, life goes on. Korosensei congratulates her… says she's done it like he knew she could, but she reiterates that most of the hard work had been on Karasuma's part. She'd just helped out.
"I don't know about that," Korosensei replies, a tad skeptical. "I think you both did important things. And either way, you were still much braver than I."
It feels good to hear his praise. Smiling, Aguri leans into his side. And they sit just like that for what feels like forever. At least until they have to get up.
Things continue to happen with regards to school as well. A competition of some sort is coming up. Korosensei takes the kids out scavenging… saying they're going to compete against the A-Class in making a restaurant. They're hyped, of course: already brainstorming just how they're going to take those jerks down, they whisper amongst one another… big grins on their faces.
With good aspects of life come bad aspects, however… and soon Dad needs to depart. He's already stayed longer than he'd have liked to, he admits. It's time he gave Akari her space. It breaks Aguri's heart… but she nods; gives him one last big hug before he goes.
"I'll be seeing you around again, right?" She asks. "You can even come to the festival! See what all the kids put together-"
"I'd love to," Dad replies. "...Of course you'll be seeing me around. We've only got so long left, remember?"
Akari doesn't hug him on his way out, but that's okay. She turns to Aguri soon after he's left, then mouths 'Thanks.'
"For what?" Aguri replies.
"...You didn't need to let him leave," she admits. "But you did that anyways. For me."
"Of course," Aguri replies. "I love Dad a whole lot, you're right… but you're the one who'll always come first. You said it yourself: I was your family before I was his. There's no need to thank me. I wouldn't have it any other way."
And besides… some distance with dad isn't too different from before. They were never particularly close. Getting some acknowledgment? That's already more than she could possibly ask for.
With Dad out of the home but invited to the festival… and with Nagisa free and the kids working hard, there's only one thing Aguri can think left to do before it begins. She heads outside on a Sunday morning… sends a sideways glance towards Korosensei.
"I'm going to invite him, I think," she says. "...Your apprentice, I mean. He helped me out with all of this. He deserves to be able to go."
"He probably won't accept," Korosensei warns her. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"It's worth a shot," Aguri says with a shrug. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Perhaps… the students wouldn't like it," Korosensei awkwardly refutes. "He did try to harm them."
"As did Irina. And a whole lot of other people." A pause. "They wouldn't be mad if anyone else they'd fought before showed up, would they?"
"...No," Korosensei replies, thinking it over. "I suppose pretty much anyone other than Takaoka would be free-game." He cocks his head a bit. "They tend to be a bit too kind."
"They learned from the best," Aguri insists, resting a hand on his shoulder. She lets out a sigh. "...I know the real reason you don't want him to come, and I won't invite him if you really don't want me to, Korosensei… but I think it's about time we gave this another try. It's been well over a month since you told him the truth. Maybe he'll be ready to see you again."
"Oh, but what would I even say…?" Korosensei worries. "What if I go about this wrong?"
"The worst thing you can do is avoid him. He wants acknowledgement, remember? This is the best way to meet in the middle. It'll be an invite, so it's on his terms, but he'll also know that you want him to come. That'll be good for his confidence."
Korosensei hesitates, but nods.
"...Very well then," he replies. "I suppose there's no harm in it. I'm still nervous, I must admit, but-"
Aguri reaches out to take his hand.
"I'll be there to support you."
"Yes," Korosensei says, relaxing a bit. "...That's just what I was going to say. If you can be brave then so can I."
It's not a long flight to Reaper's motel. Aguri knows the route well by now, and it's not super far. She's not sure he's there when she first arrives- pretty much the usual, but she feels a wave of relief wash over her as she spots golden eyes peer through the peephole.
"Who is it?" He says, sounding guarded. Though that wariness soon fades. He leans back a bit. "Oh. It's just you."
"Yep. Just me," Aguri repeats, giving a wave. "Mind letting me in? I was hoping I could talk to you."
Reaper wastes no time. He unlatches the door and steps aside. He's sure to say "What do you want?" But there's no real hostility to it. Cold as he can pretend to be, it's clear he's come to look forward to their meetings as much as she has. And how couldn't he? She's sure she's the only person he really has to talk to other than his accomplices. And those fellow assassins? Those people who barely even count as coworkers? He keeps them at an arm's length. Getting to actually chat like this is unheard of for him.
(...She's glad.)
"Well… first and foremost I was hoping to offer up an invitation!" She slides him a flyer, giving him a bright smile.
"Eh?" Reaper replies, looking quizzical, but taking it nevertheless. "What's this? Kunugigaoka Junior High's Seventh Annual Fall Festival?"
"It's a little thing the kids are participating in," Aguri explains. "You don't have to come if you don't want, but I figured I'd invite you. It can't be very fun staying cooped up in this motel or off on missions all the time. Why don't you stop by? It's this Tuesday through Thursday."
"Ehhhh…" Reaper says, looking a bit dubious. "I'm not really sure this is much of my style."
"Maybe not," Aguri admits. "But trying something new can always be fun. Who knows? Maybe you'll really like it!" She gives a bit of a smile. "If you stop by, the first meal's on me, as a treat. After that you're gonna have to pay yourself, though. I can't spend too much of my salary on the class's excellent cooking."
Neither of them have brought up the real elephant in the room yet. Pocketing the flyer and turning around, Reaper says, "I'll consider it, I suppose. Is the old man going to be there, or…?"
"Yep," Aguri replies, deciding not to comment on the fact that Korosensei is, like, barely thirty-five. "The whole class'll be. Karasuma… Irina… everyone!"
"Talk about awkward," Reaper says with a laugh. "Sure no-one's going to kick me in the nuts a second time?"
"Of course not!" Aguri gasps. "As long as you don't start an altercation, then I'm sure everything will be fine. The E-Class tends to be pretty forgiving with that kind of stuff."
"Mmm," Reaper replies. "I guess I got that impression. Like I said: I'll think it over. But don't get your hopes up too much." He makes his way over to the couch- plops down. Aguri awkwardly follows after. "You could have texted me about this, you know. Is there something else you wanted to talk about?"
"Kind of," Aguri admits, taking a seat next to him. "Part of it was just because inviting you in person seemed a whole lot more fun, but I guess I wanted to update you on the situation with my student, too. Remember everything that was going on?"
"Sure do," Reaper says. "Had a crazy old hag for a mother, yeah?"
"Well I'm not sure I'd say hag," Aguri replies, trailing off. "...But yeah- pretty much. More or less."
"What happened? Did you finally pull him out of there?"
"Nope," Aguri says, straight-faced.
"Pardon?"
"Just convinced him to pull out himself."
Reaper's expression relaxes a bit. Cocking an eyebrow, he says "Not much of a difference, is there?"
"Yes, there is," Aguri reminds him. "You're the one who told me that I had to play the bad guy… that I had to get him out of there whether he agreed to it or not. But I realized in doing that I'd just be traumatizing him more, so I decided to go about it a different way." A pause. "I told him how I was feeling… talked to him honestly. I don't think he was receptive to it at first, but as I went on- explained just what I thought could become of his future, it finally seemed to click. He realized that… he didn't want to end up like me. That he should fight while he still could. And so he did! It was… honestly really cool."
"Hm," Reaper replies. "And so where's he now?"
"With his dad. I don't think he's a perfect parent, either, but…"
She gives a pause.
"Out of the fire and into the frying pan?"
"No," Aguri says, shaking her head. "Out of the fire and into the toaster oven. I'm still not sure things will be perfect, but they're a lot better than before. I'm not planning to doubt that."
"Wasn't trying to make you," Reaper replies with a neutral expression. Slowly, he does start to smirk. "I guess I was just startled. You do keep surprising me, after all."
Aguri blinks. She's not sure what he's talking about. Just Nagisa, or...?
"What do you mean by that?"
"You don't give up, I guess," Reaper says with a shrug. "That's intriguing in any person, but especially with you. You'd have thought that you'd have snapped by now… going through all that you have."
Admittedly, his expression unnerves her. He's observing her like a starving wolf does prey- though she can't help but detect some respect in his tone, too.
She decides not to say that she has given up before. As true as it is, Reaper doesn't need to hear about the way she leapt out to placate his predecessor or long days spent in the lab. That's depressing… and besides.
Maybe she still wouldn't have given up on this. It's hard to say. She can't recreate that mindset- doesn't want to. But she… likes to think she still would have given it her best bet. Even having given up on herself, she doesn't want to think she'd have given up on Reaper. On Nagisa.
"Well…" she gives a shrug. "I guess all it takes is a positive mental attitude. Or-... um... - something like that."
It doesn't feel entirely right. She likes the idea, but it feels like it's watering it down. 'A positive mental attitude…' that's something she would have said back when she still thought yoga could serve as an actual alternative for therapy. Just a positive attitude isn't what's gotten her by. But if not that, what? Liking other people? Not wanting to let them down?
She's… not sure.
Reaper smirks a bit. It's clear he knows that's a load of crap, too, but he doesn't refute it. Instead, giving a nod, he says "Well, I'm glad to hear all's well that ends well… ish. Most family drama doesn't resolve quite so cleanly, you know."
"I know," Aguri says, point-blank. And she's inclined to change the topic. 'But to what?' she thinks. She doesn't want to seem like she's diverting. She's just tired of being stared at like a piece of meat.
"Do you ever think about your family?" She decides on, giving him a sideways glance. "Not what could have been… I guess we've already talked about that, but how they're doing now? Or at least… your mom? I know your dad's dead, but..." she drifts off.
"Sometimes," Reaper says with a shrug. "I try not to think about it too much, but even my mind wanders." He reaches up to stroke his chin. "I've gotta reckon she's pretty fucked up in the head by now. Losing your whole family will do that to you."
"Oh," Aguri says. "Right. I forgot she thought you were dead."
For a brief moment, she wonders if she's happier that way. Knowing that your son chose to abandon you… grow up into someone like this: surely that would hurt. But any more than thinking he's dead? Aguri's… not sure. Her dad was relieved to see her, after all, even despite the tears shed.
"You should tell her you're not, sometime," she suggests, giving him a frown. "You don't have to visit in person or anything, but… I'm sure even a letter would mean a lot."
"Oh," Reaper replies. "I'm not particularly interested in that."
"Not even a little?" Aguri asks. "I mean, you probably don't remember her, but she was still your mom."
"We weren't close," Reaper says simply. "I got the impression that she tried to care, but…" his expression shifts slightly. "I wasn't particularly impressed. And she was something of a sniveling coward."
"Ah," Aguri replies, trying to decide what that means. What kind of eight-year-old doesn't care? Is he lying, or was he really always this aloof? And what's that about her being a coward?
(He called his dad a tyrant, didn't he? Maybe it has something to do with not protecting him, in that case.)
"Well… that's fair, I guess. I just thought that maybe I'd bring it up. It made me feel a lot better to get closure with my family. My dad didn't react how I wanted him to, but… I think he can sleep better at night now, and so can I. I bet even just checking up on your mom from a distance- seeing if she truly is 'fucked up in the head' or not would help. But I'm not going to force you."
Reaper cocks an eyebrow. Stretching a bit, he says "You're really not going to drop this, are you?"
"That's not what I said."
"Fine, then," he stands. "Let's go. I can't say I'm particularly one for sentiment, but you're right in that it could be interesting."
"Wait-!? What!?" Aguri replies. "Go where!?"
"To spy on my mom."
"Now!?"
"Do you have a better time?" Reaper asks. "You can fly, yeah? Take me, then. Unless you want me to change my mind. I'm a very busy guy."
"No! No!" Aguri says, bolting to her feet. "I'd be happy to take you! I guess I'm just- surprised. I didn't expect you to change your tune so quickly."
"And I wouldn't say I've actually changed my tune," Reaper retorts. "I'm just interested. I did tell you you have a habit of surprising me. Why on earth not? Let's see where this goes."
He's already on his way out the door. Aguri blinks, but follows after. She's not really sure why he changed his mind… if she actually got through to him or if he's right about feeling so above it all, but she's not going to waste this opportunity. She makes her way outside and looks around. It's a nice day out.
"I'm going to have to carry you," she warns. "...If you want me to use my superspeed, I mean. How far is the trip to where you used to live? Maybe we could walk."
"The trip is to Bordeaux, France; so I'm not walking, no," Reaper retorts, straight-faced. "If you'd like to then be my guest, but my widdle feetsies would simply get too sore."
"France!?" Aguri asks, taken aback. "You're French!?"
In hindsight she supposes she'd realized he was foreign, just like his mentor was… but not that he was French. She could have pulled all the generic white-people-counties out of a hat and still not gotten that. What?
"Oui, oui," Reaper replies. "J'aime tuer sans discernement."
He says it so confidently, but with Aguri it's kind of in one ear and out the other.
"Sorry," she says. "I didn't really get that. I- uh. Don't speak French. Could you repeat that?"
"No, no," Reaper insists. "My apologies. What I said was 'Yes, fine, you can carry me. Just don't drop me on my ex-master's wretched command. I'd much prefer to not become a puddle of goo on the ground, thank you very much."
Aguri's pretty sure that is not what he said, but she doesn't argue. She promises she won't drop him and picks him up awkwardly by his underarms. He's heavier than anything she's carried before, but it's not terrible. If anything, her only actual concern is that he might knock her out of the sky.
She quickly reminds herself that that won't happen. If he attacks her he'll plummet, too. And besides, she's sure he feels much the same way; frightened right now. This is taking a whole lot of trust on both of their parts. She's… glad, quite frankly. This is a big step for him.
(She's careful not to comment on it, though. As much as she'd like to point out this is a far cry from the man who'd refused to eat her cookies lest they be poisoned, something tells him that'd embarrass him out of this entire agreement.)
Without another word, she takes off into the sky. Reaper jolts a bit at first, but soon calms down. Returning to his usual demeanor, he watches the ground with a hawklike gaze. Much less impressively, Aguri pulls out her phone with a spare tentacle. She turns on her GPS and slowly looks around.
"What are you doing?" Reaper asks. "Get going."
"Just give me a second. I don't know which way France is."
He looks at her like she's an idiot, but decides not to comment. She's back to flying off in no time, and they make good progress. She's still worried about dropping him, but reassures herself that that won't happen. She's got a good grip on him, and with the way her reflexes have improved it's easy to prevent dust or spare debris from striking his face.
He seems entranced as they continue to move. And although that's it for just a bit, he soon comments on it… a gleam in his eyes as he stares down at the ground below.
"You really can move fast, huh? It's actually kind of impressive."
"Yeah," Aguri replies. "I don't use it as much as I probably should, but it can actually come in handy. There's a reason I was so surprised when you were able to keep up with me in the sewer, you know: that took some serious reflexes."
"Well," Reaper replies. "I'd already gone into it knowing the target would have supersonic speed. I'd made preparations and figured out how to effectively combat that in advance. Scenarios like that aren't too hard to deal with once you know what you're doing."
"You say that," Aguri replies with a laugh, "But the government still hasn't gotten me yet, have they?"
A slight twitch of his lip.
"I suppose not," he says. "And neither have I."
She's a little bit nervous hearing him make comments like that so far up in the sky, but soon cools her nerves. 'No. There's nothing worth worrying about,' she reminds herself. 'While it is possible he'll be the one to assassinate you one day, it won't happen up here. He'd have to be suicidal to try something like that, and he's not. Just... very, very, very homi cidal.
(There's a difference!)
He's quiet for a little bit longer, seemingly deep in thought. But as time continues to pass… as they draw closer to their destination, he continues to watch Aguri with curious eyes.
"What I wouldn't do for powers like that," he comments, voice a hum. "You carry them like they're an albatross, but do you even understand what you're capable of? If you wanted to you could destroy the world! Make others tremble at your feet."
"Yeah," Aguri says. "I know." And she does. She thought about it a lot when Korosensei was first escaping. But all the same… "I just don't want that. It might sound silly to you, but… I- don't really care about that kind of thing. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone."
"I suppose," Reaper says, bringing a hand to his chin. "That does check out for you." A pause. He drifts off. "But… no-one? What about the person who did this to you? Not even him?"
"Not… even him," Aguri reiterates, heart-catching in her chest a bit. She's frightened by the thought, although she can't tell if it's simply the mention of the man, or the fear of what she might do. "I… wouldn't wish harm on anyone. And besides, I couldn't hurt him even if he tried. He's… he's strong. Much stronger than me. If I ever saw him again I'd surely…- he'd overpower me. My life would go back to being a living hell. I want no such thing. I'd rather let sleeping dogs lie."
And… it's true. While she's not sure Yanagisawa deserves peace, killing him isn't the answer. And even if it was, running is a whole lot easier. She's… content without blood on her hands, thank you very much.
"You… shouldn't be thinking about such things, anyways," she deflects. "...Having powers like this: it's terrible. What I went through to obtain these… it was hellish. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. The pain was immense: terrifying, and it went on for months and months. Everything I can do might seem cool in the limelight, but it's not worth it once you get over the initial appeal."
"Mmm," Reaper says. "And I wasn't seriously considering such things, of course. It's not like I could seek out the man who did this to you. All the same, though… it can be nice to fantasize, can't it? And it's not like I've never suffered for glory before."
Aguri frowns. So badly she wants to say, "And that's not alright," but that's not what Reaper needs to hear. He doesn't want to be told that his suffering was senseless… that he didn't deserve it. He's still convinced it was worthwhile!
"Well…" she says. "I think you're pretty skilled as is. You might not have superpowers, but you may as well. You don't need some… dumb mutation to upgrade you. You can already pretty much keep up with me as is. All that would do is push you up into the realm of, like, insane godhood." A pause. "And while I think that's probably what you want, I think you can also achieve that like this, too. You've got enough of a hard-working spirit for it."
Reaper doesn't respond right away. Looking down at the fast-passing cityscape below, he lets his expression relax. Finally, he whispers, "Well, I guess you do have a point. I'm still not sure I agree with it, but if you're so certain…" a pause. "Well, that's fascinating at the very least."
It's a roundabout way to say 'Wait. What? You actually think I have skill?" But Aguri's not going to back down. Reaching out to pat his head with another spare tentacle, she replies "Of course I'm certain. And so stop thinking about 'what ifs,' alright?"
Needless to say, he doesn't share he's touched. He doesn't even say thanks. But that's alright. He doesn't need to. Aguri spots the split-second well of emotion in his eyes, and that's good enough for her.
She didn't tell him that for praise. She just hopes that eventually he can believe it, too.
Finally, they stop. They arrive at a large city her GPS designates as Bordeaux. She's surprised she was able to make it that fast, but then again she was moving at fifteen-thousand miles an hour. She lowers herself to the ground a bit… asks where exactly they should look.
Reaper points to a mansion off in the distance. Aguri starts to make her way towards it. On second thought she's not even sure this'll work… his mom might have moved on by now, but it's the first thing she thought of. She wasn't going to track her down in an address book, after all. That'd be stalkerish!
(As opposed to… bringing her… homicidal, adult son directly to her. Oh god.)
It's a truly impressive place. While all of the city is luxurious, it has to be one of the largest buildings by far. With an antique, refined sort of look to it, the roof slopes up far… and the grass all around the property is green. Windows litter every side of the wall, and a sleek, grey path trails down towards a lakeside.
"Wow," she says. "Is this really where you lived?"
Reaper hardly says much in response. Giving a shrug, he admits, "Yep. Pretty hollow, isn't it?"
Aguri's not sure that's how she'd describe it, but she guesses he has a point. It's a massive property to imagine one person living in. It's a massive property to imagine even three.
(What would it have been like? To be a little boy so utterly surrounded by wealth, and yet devoid of love?)
"Do you think she's still here?" she asks. "...Or?"
"There's only one way to find out," Reaper replies. "You're fast. Why don't you try checking the windo…-?"
...He peters off.
"What is it?" Aguri replies. "Is something wrong?"
"I… hear something," Reaper whispers. "Check…- check out back. You might find something there."
Aguri nods. Acutely aware of his sudden shift in demeanor, she pulls him in close as they hover overhead. Drawing closer… she swears she can hear it, too: a soft sound reverberating from throughout the premise as she crests the roof and peers below. Down there, she spots it: a figure nestled in the grass. They let out a hum as they gingerly work. And oh, what fruits of their labor surround them.
It's a massive, sprawling garden. Violets and irises and flowers Aguri doesn't even know the name of cover each inch of the backyard… glinting in the sun and placing a splash of color on an otherwise dim property. Upon closer inspection, it's clearly a woman down there. With pale, silvery hair and a spade in one hand, she works diligently. There's a certain sadness to her tone, and yet she's not melancholy as she sings. It's something closer to hopeful. Upbeat, even.
"That's her, isn't it?" Aguri asks, taking one look at Reaper and then at the woman. "It has to be."
"...And to think that she's really here after all this time."
There's an indecipherable look in Reaper's eyes.
Admittedly, Aguri's not surprised. Surprised that her first hunch was right, maybe, but not that she stayed. Everyone handles grief in different ways. Her dad might have turned tail and ran from their home, but what about Akari? She'd wanted to stay, hadn't she? Maybe his mom is the same.
"Yes," Reaper finally admits, shaking from his stupor. "That's her."
She doesn't notice them, of course. Some part of Aguri wishes she would, but she doesn't know what she'd possibly say. And as such, she's thankful that she keeps her head low: that she keeps her mind focused on the garden.
"...Turns out you have the same hobby, huh?"
Reaper's lip twitches. Fist balling slightly, he says "I'm not sure what I expected."
"What do you mean?" Aguri asks.
"She's not…-" He drifts off. "She's not acting like I thought she would. I thought she'd be…-"
"What?" Aguri asks. "Sadder?"
Reaper nods.
"It's been a very long time since you disappeared," Aguri replies. "No-one can hurt that much for that long. People find ways to heal... get better. Why?" She cocks her head, slightly. "Did you want her to be sad?"
"No," Reaper says. "Of… course not. I guess it just doesn't align with…" a pause. "What I've come to know about human nature."
"People are resilient," Aguri says with another shrug. "They'll almost never do what you expect. But look." She cranes her head, slightly. "Even if she's healed, it doesn't look to me like she's forgotten about you."
'What are those down there?' she muses, looking over a patch of pink flowers. Reaper's taught her some about flower meanings. Are those… carnations?
(Maybe she's just misremembering, but she seems to recall those being 'I'll never forget you.')
"...Indeed not," Reaper replies, letting out a strange, shaky breath.
"Did you used to garden together?" Aguri asks.
"No. I always told her that I wanted to start one, but…" Reaper peters off. "I honestly never thought she was interested."
Oh, the things you realize you've taken for granted when they're already gone. Surely she regrets not spending more time with him. She has to.
"Seems you thought wrong," Aguri replies. "Or at the very least that she changed her mind." A pause. "It's pretty nice, isn't it? She's got a cool thing here."
"She does," Reaper replies. "But I… believe I should go. I've seen all that I needed to see. And while you're right in that this was cathartic… it was heavy, too." His expression grows more serious. "I'd like to leave."
"Very well then," Aguri replies, knowing better than to fight him. She understands all too well the heavy, aching feeling in his chest. What he did today was already more than she could have possibly asked from him. To push him any further would be cruel.
She retreats and places him carefully down on the Bordeaux back streets.
They don't head home. Not yet. Neither of them are quite ready. But they've seen what they needed to see at that house, at least. And that's quite enough.
"Thank you for… listening to me," he says a bit shakily. He's got himself propped up against a wall. "I'm not sure what I expected that to feel like, but it wasn't that."
Surely he expected himself to be on top of it- untouched like he always is. But that was never going to happen. For a minute there he returned to being a scared little boy.
"Of course," Aguri replies. "Don't worry," she says. "I get it. It's scary, isn't it? But I promise that… having been here today will be a good thing for you in the long run. You got some closure that I think you really needed. Now if you want to see her again in the future, you'll know that she's willing. And if you don't, at least you'll know she's alright."
"...Right." Reaper replies. He's taking slow, careful breaths. After not too long, he returns to his usual demeanor, and all outward signs of unease fade. Aguri's sure there's still something bothering him deep down, but he doesn't let it show. He cocks an eyebrow… glances her way.
"We should probably get going," he comments. "I'd hate to dawdle and end up being caught. Thank you for- uh- trying to do this for me today. I know you didn't have to do that, but it was… nice. It's certainly given me a lot to think about."
"Of course," Aguri replies. She slithers his way. "And if you ever wanna do this again in the future, then you just let me know. Whether it's to actually say hello or just to stop by and watch again, I'm more than happy to help. Don't be dissuaded by this being scary right now. It'll get easier with time."
She carefully scoops him up. She then makes her way up into the sky, Reaper in hand. She's not afraid to hold him this time. She knows that he won't attack. He was never going to. At least not in this scenario.
"You say that…" Reaper replies after a moment of silence. "But it's hard to imagine ever reconnecting with that life. Things are so different now."
"Yeah," Aguri replies, wind whipping in her hair. "I get that. But you don't necessarily have to go back to that life. Maybe you're just inviting her into this one."
"Something tells me she wouldn't particularly be interested in that. I've changed a lot since I was what it is she remembers." His lip twitches a bit. "I'm a frightening person now. I've killed people."
"I'm frightening too," Aguri reminds him. "I haven't done what you've done, maybe. But I've had things done to me." A pause. "...My family still loves me. And even if they didn't, that wouldn't be my fault. That would be… their issue, not mine."
Not that she wouldn't hold it against herself, but that's not what she needs to remind him. She needs to remind him that even if his family's closure ends up something closer to Nagisa's, then that doesn't make him a bad person.
"And you don't have to keep killing people. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true."
"But I want to," Reaper replies.
"Then go right ahead," Aguri says with a shrug. "Maybe your mom will still love you. With the people I've surrounded myself with, I certainly don't have any room to judge. But you need to consider whether or not you'll ever really be happy this way. You've convinced yourself that you will be, but you're not content yet, are you? How long will it take?"
She looks out over the cityscape. They've already long since left Bordeaux. Now they're somewhere else in France.
"You started doing this because you wanted Korosensei's approval or because you envisioned it as art. But now you don't see it that way anymore. And so what are you doing it for? To prove a point? To tell him he's wrong?"
"Of… course not," Reaper replies. "I like what I do."
"Well, if you say so," Aguri states, shaking her head. She's still not sure she believes him, but there's no use in arguing with him up here. Not when he's already had a tumultuous enough day as is.
"Just try and remember that a life planting gardens is a life worth living too, alright?"
It's a long moment before Reaper replies, but eventually, he nods.
"...Yeah. Whatever you say. Alright."
They don't talk much the rest of the way home, but that's alright. Aguri doesn't push. She simply soars over the horizon… across France and back to Japan, the troubled man in her arms.
She drops him off at his motel with a nod. She says that it was nice spending time with him, and that she really hopes they'll be able to do something like this again. "This was a big step for you," she reminds him. "And so I'm proud, okay?"
He shifts a bit… stares down at his feet.
"You don't need to talk to me like I'm a child, you know," he replies. "I'm not one of your students."
"I know that," Aguri says. "And I'm not trying to act like you are. But I am proud of you, and isn't it kind of nice to hear?" A pause. "...I think everyone should be told that once in a while, even adults. 'You did good. I'm proud of you.' It's heartwarming."
"I suppose," Reaper replies. "I guess I'm just not used to hearing such things. But if you really mean them…" he stiffens a bit. "I will try to keep that in mind."
"Of course I mean them," Aguri replies. "I won't bother you anymore than I already have, but I do. I think you're doing great. You've already come a long way since we first met." She starts to turn around; prepares to depart. "I'll be seeing you around, Reaper. Have a nice rest of the day."
…
"Wait-"
She's barely taken a step when he calls out. She turns back around, frowning.
"What is it?"
"It's… uh- Damien, by the way."
Aguri gives pause.
"What?"
"My name. You wanted to know, right? But I wasn't willing to tell you." A long moment of silence. "I am now. It's Damien. Or at least... it used to be. That's what she called me before all of this."
Aguri blinks. She's not sure what she expected, but it wasn't that. She's stunned for a split second... although that shock quickly fades. It's replaced by something else- something softer, and when she meets his eye, her heart skips a beat.
He's looking right at her. His head is hung low and he's got his hands in his pockets as if he's shared something utterly inconsequential… yet he doesn't dare look away. There's something in his eyes akin to the way he looked at her before: that of a predator stalking prey. However, this time she doesn't feel frightened. There's a hunger, sure. But she's not sure it's to see her harmed.
...It's something much more innocuous than that. A hunger for acknowledgment: to, again, be praised.
Aguri gives that to him without a second thought.
Smiling softly, she replies "...Well, that's wonderful to hear. You're right, I've been curious. And to think? What a cool name! That must have taken a lot of bravery to share. But you're right: I appreciate it. I'm glad that you can… trust me like that."
She pads over his way: places a hand on his shoulder.
"And, hey. Personally, I think 'Damien' suits you much better than Reaper."
He doesn't agree, of course. He's not ready yet. Maybe he never will be, but that's alright. He simply gives a satisfied smile, and that's enough. Leans a bit into her touch.
Soon after, she goes. He insists that she does. But Aguri doesn't dare forget the look of that smile. Somehow, she thinks, he'd seemed proud of himself.
And for the second time this week, Aguri's done something good enough to feel proud of herself as well.
