Chapter Fifteen

Discussion


That night, in the tent, Cullen and I were curled together and just relaxing after dinner when my white sending stone chimed. I answered it, "Hello, lover."

Alistair sputtered as Cullen roared in laughter. Cullen shook his head, "Makers' Breath – you're not even in his bed yet!"

"No – but I am engaged to him, aren't I?" I asked.

Alistair broke in, "You are?"

"Cullen and I talked this morning, Alistair… if you're okay with it, then we're willing. However – in order to protect my marriage with Cullen from nobles trying to give him the boot, I want your vows to state that if I am ever in need of dissolving any marriage, then with Cullen being my first husband, you will be the one divorced. I don't intend for that to happen at all, but I don't want your Landsmeet butting in and trying to ruin my marriage with Cullen. I love him – and if I'm being completely honest, I do care for you in a way that might eventually turn to love… but I don't want to lose him – and that's my biggest fear in marrying you."

Alistair contemplated for a second before sighing, "I'd like to reassure you that you're wrong – but they literally just dissolved my marriage with Elissa without my input on the matter… I don't mind adding that to my vows – maybe if they know I'm the last-in-first-out, they won't try anything. I hear that Cullen used the Antivan tradition of proposing with a ring?"

"It's American too – and I'm American. The difference here is that Cullen gave me my dream ring because of a link we share in the Fade; back when the tower fell at Kinlock he drew and forged a set of rings – at the time, I had also drawn them… it was a silly notion; Blake was asking my 'dream wedding' details and back then I was already sure I would never get married. Know this, Alistair – I take my vows seriously; even if our union gets dissolved for whatever reason, I'd still consider us married and act as a wife would."

"I'm the same – I told Elissa that back when we first got married. As long as you don't mind that…"

"My sister will likely avoid letting you act as her husband since I've revealed that she can marry Leliana in about 5 more years, give or take a few. She and Leliana will be all over each other. If she let's you then cool – go for it; I won't stop you. I don't mind since I'm the same way."

"I'll be having a ring made; if I'm going to marry you, then I am going to do this right. If a ring exchange is the tradition where you were raised, then I can do no less for you. Is there a style you'd like or…?"

"Surprise me; I'm not picky. Just recall that I'll be doing a lot of fighting so it should be a bit simple…" I smiled.

"And with the proposal, I should use the more elaborate ring – but there should also be a second, simpler ring for the wedding and a third ring for me… right?"

"That's right. Oh – what was the original reason you called? We sort of got sidetracked with this engagement thing…"

"Right – I received a raven from Leliana inviting me to a celebration in Haven…"

I groaned, "Already? Son of a bitch; I wish they had listened to Blake… look, if you come do not bring a gift for me. It's supposed to celebrate my return and my missed birthday but… I don't celebrate my birthday, Alistair; ever. I dedicate that day to trying and failing to get drunk. I've never gotten drunk before, but I damn well try."

"… Am I going to regret asking why?"

"Oh yeah – you'll regret it. Two of the advisors that voted for the party already feel like absolute shit for saying yes without knowing why Blake was yelling at them to say no. My birthday was never the best day; having it constantly pointed out that I was abandoned the day I was born, being asked out as a joke, and then… the day I lost my child."

He hissed as Cullen pulled me tighter against him, muttering his apology again. Alistair said, "No gift – pretend it's just a 'welcome home' celebration; understood. There's no gift that can compare to my stunning presence anyway."

"Oh – I don't know… maybe bring some of the Qunari Spirits you told me about if you must arrive with a gift. We'll see if my body let's me get drunk off that or if my Cousland Mark negates it."

"Negates – Elissa already proved that one. You have no idea how often that blessing on the Cousland Family saved her life; she and I both theorize that it was the only thing that let her survive the Joining back then."

"Cullen is right next to me…" I sighed.

"Cullen already knows a lot of Warden Secrets. Hawke told him after learning from Anders. You don't have to worry about keeping secrets from him. Hawke may be a mage, but he stood with the Templars more often than not; so Cullen was the first one to know if things went sideways or if a group of blood mages was roaming around or killed. My point here is that the mark allowed the joining, but we don't think she would have been tainted if a genlock had forced blood down her mouth like they do with kidnapped women."

"Something to not test on the 30th of never," I quipped.

Cullen snorted, "I wouldn't want that to be tested either."

"We never told the Wardens – the Cousland line would be completely conscripted from oldest to youngest with no exceptions. Elissa believes they wouldn't even undergo the joining; they'd be used as experiments."

"Just like your mother was – she's a Grey Warden that somehow lost the taint," I sighed.

Alistair was quiet for a bit before saying, "I only know of one Grey Warden that lost the taint – Grand Enchanter Fiona…"

"You still need to act like you don't know when you kick them out of Redcliffe. She's an Elven Mage and people think you're just a pretty human man."

Cullens' eyes were wide, "He's mage-blooded?" right – I'd made him wait inside the cabin while I told Leliana…

"I'm so glad you said nothing of the elf-blood," Alistair quipped.

"Why would he? Cullen was taught that humans and elves are equal since he was in the Circles; Cullen doesn't give a damn about racial blood – it's the magic he's more concerned with," I pointed out.

"Only because it means that your children could have magic," Cullen said.

I shrugged, "There are no circles anymore – especially not in Ferelden since they are already implementing my boarding-school idea. The only issue I can see would be that those kids wouldn't be able to take the throne unless there was no other kid."

Alistair cleared his throat, "Then let's hope for twins and close the topic… She's really my mother?"

"She really is. She loves you so much, too – but she couldn't keep you because you'd have been a hostage to keep her compliant if the Wardens knew and they would have used you against Ferelden if they knew who your father was. Your mother made your father swear not to acknowledge you; she wanted a normal life for you – with love and happiness and maybe a family of your own."

"Well – that failed spectacularly. I was…"

"Raised in the fucking kennels with the dogs and tending to the damn pigs. If I ever meet Eamon in private, he may come out with a few new bruises and a boot shaped hole in his arse. I was raised in similar conditions – actually, I'd compare my upbringing with that of Priest Initiates with a lot less food or clothing or supplies. I was raised by what amounted to a Revered Mother – called a nun – and… well, let's just say she resented having taken her vows and took it out on us kids. Bullying builds character and all that. Most Nuns were great, but that woman was…"

"You don't need to clarify – but when you said 'similar conditions'…?" Alistair asked.

"If I was being moved from one home to the next, my shabby, tattered clothes went into a trash bag with the rest of my crappy belongings. I went to my schooling in clothes that barely met the dress code because they were so tattered and filthy and over used – passed down from one kid to the next over several years. Sleeping on beds that were more uncomfortable than just sleeping on the hard-wood floor. Eating what amounted to scraps because orphanages weren't well funded for the amount of kids in each home. It wasn't as bad as being homeless – so it could have been worse; at least I was protected from the elements, I guess."

"… Well… I don't know what to say to that." Cullen sighed.

"It's likely worse here; especially in Fereldens with the Blight being so recent. Oh – that's something I want to do! I want to open a proper orphanage; taking care of the kids, educating them, and helping them get set up with a new family. Of course, anyone wanting to adopt will be investigated; I don't want those kids going to perverts or worse."

"Was that a problem…?" Alistair sounded horrified.

"On occasion, yes; a child would get adopted by a person that wasn't good – they'd beat, starve or… touch the children. I was very lucky that didn't happen to me… but it did happen to Blake. He got put with an abusive family at one point. The problem is that no one listens to the kids – when Blake told his case worker that he was being beaten, no one believed him; they believed the foster parents who said he was clumsy and then those people beat him worse. I didn't know Blake back then – we didn't meet until we were in your 20s. So, if I open an orphanage, I plan to make sure those kids are properly taken care of, damnit."

Poor Blake had already been 12 when he'd entered the system after his whole family was slaughtered while he'd been at a friends' house – the culprit was never caught – and they still didn't believe him over the asshole that was beating him.

Alistair spoke, "I have the perfect place in mind if you really want to do this. Since Elissa holds both the Teyrnir of Gwaren and the Arling of Denerim, she never uses the house of the Arl of Denerim. We can talk to her, but I think an unused mansion would be the perfect place to house children. Get with her and let me know – if she's agreeable, then I'll have it fixed up to your specifications. The Crown will fund this – it's a noble cause. I wish we'd thought of it, but kids have just been… sort of swept under the rug with all the restoration needed after the damn Blight and now the hole in the sky…"

"I'll let you know what my sister says when I see her next. It may be a bit – I'm not scheduled to return to Haven for another two weeks; I have to take care of the Carta-funded bandits and head to the Winter Watchtower to collect an elven man to save his mother; she has a medical condition. There's also a few rifts down there that I'd like to take care of… and now I'm sort of dragging my heels about going back to Haven because of the damn party."

"Look at it this way – I'll be there and so will Cullen… I'm sure we can think of something to cheer you up…" Alistair suggested 'innocently'.

Cullen rumbled, "Oh, I'm sure we could…"

"… Alright – you win that one. Who are you brining with you Alistair?"

"Originally, I was going to bring Eamon – but hearing your threat on his well-being… I think I'll leave Eamon here and bring Arl Teagan and Teyrn Fergus instead…"

"Fergus has a standing invite – you can bring Eamon; just stress to him that he better not find himself in any situation alone with me if he values his well-being. If I see him alone, I'll pounce on the opportunity to teach him a lesson. Especially because he sent Goldannas' three living kids to Orlais to keep them from you; even knowing you thought they were your family at the time. So no – fuck Eamon with a pole."

Alistairs' voice was tight, "He did what? I was told Goldanna and all her children perished! I would have fostered them!"

"That was exactly his reason – you would have taken them in and he couldn't risk common blood on the throne. He doesn't know who your mother really is; and he'll be the one to lead the charge against Cullen. That's why he spoke up about my so-called 'conditions' the other day. He knew it would spur the nobility on about you marrying me. Oh, he liked Elissa well enough when he though she might have kids, but recall that this is the same man who was pushing for Anora to be put aside for the same reason. Eamon learned I could certainly have kids and he pulled stunts to get me on the throne."

I heard a crash and jumped as Alistair apologized, "I'm so sorry – I dropped my glass… so us telling him that you could have kids for certain was the reason he pulled all this with Elissa and… and he put children I thought were my family in an orphanage in Orlais… he's no better than Loghain!"

I felt bad, "I shouldn't have said anything – I'm sorry Alistair…"

"No – don't apologize. I needed to know – and Maker only knows what might have happened had you not come here. I might very well be married to that shrew – Brylands' daughter. Habren is only 25 now – back when she was 15, Elissa had Zevran snag a tiara off her. She's a tyrant, so I suppose it's better that Leonas is willing South Reach to Nathaniel Howe – his nephew. Nate has already said that his second nephew will be inheriting for him. Nate gave the Amaranthine land returned to him to his sisters first son."

"She wanted a white fox – her father gave her one and she promptly 'lost' it down a well! If Habren is the only other choice then there is no choice! She'd ruin Ferelden and kill every little thing she touches. She wouldn't bare you children either – it would 'ruin her figure'!" I ranted.

"Poor fox… Good that you're marrying me then… I uh… I'll see you in 3 weeks, then?" Alistair sounded shy.

"Well, I'd hope to talk to you often before then – as I said, I do that phone-sex thing with Cullen too."

Cullen laughed, "Makers' Breath – you introduced him to that? I admit, I was so shy the first time we did that – it just felt… strange to be speaking of what I was doing to myself. It was exciting though."

Alistair cleared his throat, "I agree; it was. Maybe one of these days we can all participate in that together. Makers' Breath, that might be exciting…"

I groaned, "Now I wish you were here… I'm all wound up and can only vent my frustrations on one of you."

I heard Cullen swallow hard as Alistair laughed, "You're welcome. Now – I have a ring to design and Qunari Spirits to procure. As luck would have it, we actually have a Beresaad here; led by a Sten. I'm sure they'll be willing to part with some spirits since I was named Basalit-An by the Arishok."

"Give them some cookies," I quipped.

Alistair laughed, "You know about that! Maker, it was actually horrifying to watch Sten relive a child of cookies at the time – all because the child was 'large' and 'clearly didn't need them'… but in hindsight, it's rather humorous that this big Qunari Warrior just snatched cookies from someone and stared them into submission."

"Give him a cat sometime too – I hear he likes to help them 'train' with a string."

Cullen was sniggering, "And we're discussing the current Arishok?"

I nodded, "We are – he was a Sten back then. Oh – and have those Qunari send a message to him; when he wants to ally with us, we'll do things my way or the Dreadnaught will explode and lives will be lost for no reason to Tevinter Blood Mages. I don't care what you tell him to get him to believe it but I won't be sacrificing people I've come to care for and drink with for an alliance; they've proven themselves to me – the Qun has not."

"Honestly, if I tell him exactly like that, then he'll likely listen. Arishok has always been practical – if the ones that would have died have already proven themselves to you, then why would you pick the ones that haven't? I'll give the Sten the information and have him send someone to the Arishok."

"Thank you – and if he doesn't listen then he can't say he wasn't warned. Now… I'm going to have sex with Cullen while you take care of your list of things to do. Sleep well, Alistair – dream of me."

"I know I will – Maker… I plan to keep this arrangement secret until I see you. There's no point in telling the others that you've already accepted the proposal – and I'm sure as void not telling them about the stipulation in the vows; they'll try to prevent it. I'll speak to you later, Celeste…"

"You can call me Lessie – or Violet. It's my middle name… not many people know it."

"And if I simply like your name as it is?" he asked.

"It does mean heavenly or celestial in ancient Tevene. In Greek it also refers to the goddess Celesta – goddess of death and herald of the god and king of death, Hades. She ferried souls to the underworld – the realm of death."

"Hmm – I like it considering your occupation at the moment," Alistair chuckled.

I snorted, "Cheeky arse."

"That's me – witty one-liners, unpleasant news, and quips to women that could break me with a pinky finger."

Cullen snorted, "Perhaps – she wins over me more often than not."

We hung up after that – and I took advantage of my husband.


The next morning, I was reluctant to let Cullen go. He was chuckling as I clung to him in the tent pre-dawn, "You know I have to leave."

"I know… but I want to hold you longer."

"As do I – but I need to start getting dressed…"

"Can't you stay a little longer?" I asked with a pout. He groaned, "Keep pressing yourself against me like that and I won't have much of a choice…"

I smirked and moved to straddle him, "You mean like this?"

He hissed a breath, "Not what I was speaking of… but I think it counts…"

"Oh… you mean like this…" I leaned down – pressing my chest against his and he swallowed hard, "I-I did… Sweet Maker… if we're not careful… Maker, Celeste…"

"Hmm – you were saying something?" I kissed along his neck – nipping lightly at the tensed muscles I found there.

I yelped as I found myself on my back with him over me; kissing me roughly. I loved the feel of stubble on his jaw. I moaned as he kissed along my neck and whispered, "Celeste – Maker, what you do to my control…"

"Cullen…" I gasped, wrapping my legs around his waist. "Cullen… please…"

He growled deep in his throat, "I love you…"

"I love you too…"

There was a ruffling of the tent flap and I groaned, "I swear – if that's one of the men, I will snap them in half."

"But not the women?" Cullen laughed as he rolled off me – looking ready to kill someone himself.

"A gentleman doesn't strike a lady," I grumbled.

"Oh, you're a gentleman, are you?" Cullen looked amused.

"I try to be – considering so many people called me Sir, I figured they all saw me as one of the guys…"

That's when the flap opened – it was Cassandra. She said, "Solas made breakfast."

"Tell him I'm going to kill him."

"He anticipated that and said that you could try." She smirked.

"Cassie, honey – this favor will be returned three-fold. You interrupt me about to have sex – let the cock-blocking begin."

She blinked in surprise, "Wait – you two were…? Solas! You said she was using her abilities!"

"Oh – so you thought you were walking in on me making something?" I asked.

"Well… yes…" she was red.

"Fine – I'll reserve my ire to Solas. He felt the fluctuations of the Fade that indicated a spike in emotion. He knew I was about to have fun; this isn't the first time he's been intentionally… ugh."

Cullen sighed, "You mean back at Skyhold – and again on the way from Skyhold to Haven… and yet again the day we returned to Haven?"

"Yes – all those times. On the way to Skyhold, he teased the ever-loving shit out of me about my attraction to you too. He actually asked for details and pretended he hadn't just so he could mention it to you that I knew about your scent preferences and such."

"Hmm… well; I'll leave him to you, then."

"Fenhedis Lasa," I cursed and sat up to begin pulling on clothes. Cullen shook his head and pulled on his armor.

It was two hours later when Cullen was getting ready to leave and Alistair called. For a King, he sure had a lot of free time…

"Good Morning – did you even sleep?"

"No – I didn't… I am ashamed to say I couldn't sleep. Maker – I was just… all that information you told me about Eamon; I'm sorry, Celeste… I confronted him."

"Don't apologize – it was long overdue in my opinion. Did he at least admit his wrong doings?"

"Not until I mentioned that I knew they weren't actually my family. He side-stepped and avoided and… and when I confronted him on his ploy about making you my Queen; that he admitted to at once. He said that any woman should be honored to be Queen. When I pointed out he was potentially damaging a new marriage he had the audacity to say that you should have been offered to me first… so Eamon is now nursing a black eye, a split lip, and three cracked ribs and a fractured collarbone; and under my orders, they are to heal naturally with no magical aid or potions of any sort. When asked by Alfstanna why I attacked my seneschal, I told her that he besmirched the honor of the potential new queen – the princess and Herald – by treating her as an object to be possessed rather than a person and that it could damage the relationship that they hope to foster between us; because you knew he had done this… since half the nobles were present for that little talk with me and Alfstanna, most of them tried to offer trinkets and gifts for you to 'smooth things over'… I'm so sorry – I mentioned the upcoming celebration was to celebrate your name day and… well… I am now in possession of a wagon full of goods that I am to present to you. I shouldn't have drank so much after ending that call last night…"

I was more amused than upset this time… I laughed, "Oh I wish I could have been there for that. What time was that? How did Eamon react?"

"You're… not angry…?"

"Best use of my birthday I've ever heard; I'll forgive it if you tell me what Eamons face looked like after you hit him."

Relief was evident in his voice, "He looked so shocked – he asked me how I even found out; he'd blocked all attempts for the information to come to light… I told him it was part of your vision in the Fade. He went so pale that I though he had turned into living snow. He said that the information was useless if I knew they weren't my family – he asked why you would see such a thing in that case… I may have told him that Andraste showed you everything that happened in the last decade in Ferelden and Kirkwall since they were hubs of major events…"

"More like the last 40 years – from the moment of your grandmother Moira dying and shouting at Maric to run. I er… well… it's more than awkward now that I 'saw' Maric and Fiona and Duncan in the Deep Roads on that trip where your parents fell in love and… I don't know – it all feels awkward now. I even witnessed Fenris shoving Hawke against the wall and Hawke turning that into them being together… Ugh – so not cool now that I'm here… but on the bright side… I know just how extensive those tattoos are and I know why Isabela could never guess the color of Fenris' underpants."

Varric shot in, "Why couldn't she – I always wondered if he just changed the color to one that she guessed the previous day…"

"You can't guess the color of something that doesn't exist, Loremaster. Anyway – like I said… more like 40 years…"

"Well, the whole Landsmeet is under the impression that you know everything that happened over the last decade and some of them started sweating. As it is, Arl Wulff confessed to me that he… I want to ask your opinion on what to do with him for selling information to the 'Venatori' – whatever that means…"

"Don't do anything – Wulff has already become an agent of the Inquisition for that misstep… but it means that he was selling information on the rebel mages – including your mother – to the one that put that whole in the sky. He was going to turn them into slaves – he just didn't know that. He really thought he was doing a good thing. Now he is repenting for that."

"He was going to sell my mother into slavery?" Alistair was furious.

"He didn't know – and I've already chosen to prevent that by recruiting the mages over the templars. Your mother will be safe, Alistair."

"Who the fuck is his mother – I thought it was a serving girl…" Varric asked.

"King of Ferelden, Templar, Grey Warden, Dragon-Blooded, Mage-blooded, and Elf-Blooded… he really is a special Snowflake, isn't he?" I quipped.

Varric groaned, "Andrastes' Tits – you're joking? His mother is an Elven Mage?"

"I already notified Leliana and Cullen; this secret goes to your damn grave – or I put on blast why Bianca there works. Am I understood?"

"Oh, yeah – you're clear as a flawless crystal, Waves…"

Alistair sounded amused, "Thank you Varric – I appreciate that."

"I value that secret, Snowflake; I won't tell for all the gold in the world."

I smiled happily, "Cullen, kiss me goodbye and head out – when you get back to Haven, corner my sister so I can talk to her on the Sending Stone. I want to discuss that plan for the Arl of Denerim estate; the problem is – what happens when there is a new Arl of Denerim that isn't the Teyrn of Gwaren?"

"A new estate can be built for the new Arl – but those kids need a place now," Alistair pointed out.

"Fair enough." Cullen said and leaned in to kiss me, and added, "You'll be in Haven in what? Two weeks, Alistair?"

"Less, if I can swing it – Eamon and I need to be separated soon or I'll do worse than what I did."

"Honey – save some unbruised flesh for me; he offends me and I want my pound of flesh for the offense he caused me," I pointed out.

"Ah – that will do it; I won't hit him again because you need a turn. Alright, my dear – I just called to beg forgiveness because I told others about your birthday… I mean, it's common knowledge among the nobles when your birthday is; we all attended the vigil for it every year in Highever if nothing more pressing came up – like the Conclave – but they didn't know about the party…"

"It's alright – you were upset and drunk… at least I know you're not a violent drunk."

He snorted, "Lis always says I'm a lovey drunk… she usually says it with a laugh too."

I flushed, "So you go to bed when you're drunk…"

"Yeah… er… I guess you could say that; she never complained at least. Cullen – do you think you could break the news to her about the Annulment? The courier hasn't even left yet…"

"I can – Master Dennet is leaving with me and we're both using Fereldens Forders. Maker, but his horses are beautiful. We'll be back in Haven in two days if we go quick; three if we take our time. I'm really not sure how Lord Cousland made it from Highever to Haven in two days."

"He swapped Horses twice and didn't sleep at all on the way there. Fergus is a bit reckless when it comes to family these days. Last time he left Highever for war, his son and wife died. His new wife doesn't seem to mind his over-protective tendencies, thankfully."

I shook my head, "Alright – I have bandits to track down and cultists to convert and a book to find… I should likely also take care of setting up all 4 other camp sites, find the hut mentioned in this note from a templar to his apostate brother, find that apostate in a different cabin, inform a man name Berand that his lover is dead and convince him to join the inquisition, find a Phylactery on a dead templar and return it to his lover – the mage it belongs to – and convince her to join the inquisition, and save an inquisition scout named Ritts from rogue templars that will attack her since she's trying to bed an apostate… in the middle of a war… and succeeding, believe it or not. All of this in the next two weeks of running back and forth and… ugh. I suppose I should get started. I want to get as much of that done in the next two weeks as possible. I want to leave the Ferelden Frostback in Lady Shayna's Valley alone until I can recruit Iron Bull… he gets off on fighting Dragons anyway."

"There's a High Dragon in the Hinterlands?" Alistair asked.

"Honey, you have one in the Hinterlands, one in Crestwood, and one in the Frostback Basin; I'll handle those and the 8 I know of in Orlais. I've fought things that see me as food before and I'm still here. I'm like Cullen – my heart is on the wrong side… don't worry about me. Oh – and… just be prepared for my better half to flirt with you; Blake is a lover."

"Wait – isn't your better half Cullen?"

"No – Blake and I are one person; alternate versions. He's the 'me' from Earth since it's technically an alternate dimension… which makes a lot of sense as to why we tried to kill each other for over a year before settling into an easy friendship."

"… You're going to need to explain how you went from enemies to best friends…" Alistair replied.

"When I see you in a few weeks, sure. Love you," I turned off the sending stone and saw everyone watching me, "What?"