Hiccup swirls his drink around in his red solo cup, his chest vibrating with every pulse of bass coming from the oversized subwoofers.
Seriously, who sets those up inside of a frickin' house?
The truth is, he didn't even want to come to this party, but Fishlegs was more than adamant that he attended. Now that he's here, he wants nothing more than to just go home and see Toothless.
The party lights flash obnoxiously in his eyes, temporarily blinding him. The music blares so loud that he can't hear the inner machinations of his own mind.
How can anybody function in this environment?
His thoughts are interrupted when Fishlegs approaches, double fisting red solo cups filled with incredibly strong mixers.
"Hey, I've been looking for you!" He exclaims, not entirely sober. He wraps a thick arm around Hiccup and squeezes enthusiastically. "What's your poison?" He points at Hiccup's cup.
"Oh," Hiccup chuckles. "Just water."
"Not getting your drink on?"
"Ehh, nah, honestly not too big a fan of the drinking."
Fishlegs shakes his head, admonishing the prude boy.
"Come on, the alcohol hookup came in clutch tonight! Participate!"
"Maybe later, Fish," he waves him off. "I'm not much of a partier to be honest."
Hiccup deliberately leaves out the fact that he's never been drunk before. Sure, he's sipped a beer, but never been actually inebriated; and there's no way in hell he's going to be drunk for the first time around these people. He takes a sip of his water, thankful that he and Fishlegs are in one of the more secluded corners.
He's been to a couple of parties before, but never any filled with people his age. They were all more of business events that his dad hosted; they were essentially meet and greets, so this is all pretty fresh and slightly overwhelming.
Tuffnut notices them as he's walking past and drunkenly ambles over, bottle of beer in hand.
"H-Hey, mis amigos, cómo están ustedes?"
"Oh, hey, Tuff. What's goin' on? Are you good?" Hiccup asks him, ignoring the random Spanish and putting a hand on his shoulder to stabilize him.
"Oh, my brother, I've never been better." He burps. "My cousin Gary brought the boooooooooooooooze."
Fishlegs and Hiccup exchange glances and laugh.
"Yeah," Fishlegs holds up his double cup action. "Tell him thanks, by the way, Gruffnut always knows how to liven up any party."
"Will do, buckaroo." Tuffnut slaps Fishlegs on the bicep with an exceeding amount of force, but the larger boy doesn't move an inch and barely reacts to the blow. Tuffnut does a weird curtsey and returns to the party crowd.
A loud whoop catches Hiccup's attention. It's Snotlout, arguably the rowdiest partygoer, standing up on a chair about to shotgun a canned beer to the delight of the crowd of spectators.
There's a light punch on his shoulder. He flinches and turns to see Astrid, hair tied up in a ponytail, red solo cup in hand.
"Hey, you. Didn't think you'd make it."
"Hey, Astrid. How's–how're you doing?"
Why do I always stutter so much when I talk to her? Sometimes I feel like nothing's changed.
"Uh, I'm great, you?"
"I'm great, I guess." he says, putting on a confident facade. "Parties just aren't really my thing, though, to be honest. Not this kind at least."
"Well, you'd better get used to it," Fishlegs chimes in. "Snotlout throws one nearly every other week, so."
"And I hear he's gonna go crazy at the next one for his last day," Astrid adds.
"Right," Hiccup gestures at the brutish boy standing on the chair barking like a dog at the crowd and crumpling the beer can on his forehead. "And this isn't crazy mode?"
Astrid laughs, shaking her head and leaning into him playfully. His heart flutters behind his ribs at the contact.
Ever since he accepted her offer of starting fresh, things have been going surprisingly okay. He had thought that maybe it would've been weird, but this new Astrid was nothing like the one he remembered from middle school before he was pulled out.
This new Astrid is still a little rough around the edges and is never afraid to say what's on her mind. There's something about her that's softer in a way, but every time it seems like they're about to make a genuine connection, she stops herself. He can't explain it.
In the few days that have passed since that night, work has been great too, even something that he would look forward to.
Snotlout belches loudly from his perch, smiling broadly and wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
"All hail king Jorgenson!" Tuffnut declares.
The small crowd of people from the high school that Hiccup doesn't recognize repeats with gusto.
He turns to make a joke to Astrid, but she's gone. He looks around and can't find a trace of her anywhere. He tries Fishlegs, who has downed one of his drinks and is now working on the other.
"Did you see where Astrid went?"
"Oh, huh? I didn't see anything," Fishlegs says, slurring his words slightly.
Hiccup pats his friend on the shoulder sympathetically and leaves in search of the disappearing blonde girl.
He pushes through the packed main room of the medium sized house, stepping on crumpled solo cups and puddles of dubious liquids. He makes a mental note to wash the soles of his shoes when he gets home.
Outside, Astrid lights up a cigarette alongside her best friend Ruffnut. The two smoke in a tranquil silence with the only sounds being the light chirping of crickets.
"So?" Ruffnut pushes. "What's on your mind? You're never this quiet."
Astrid sighs, happy that her friend can read her so well. If there's one thing she hates more than opening up about her true feelings, it's asking somebody if she can open up about her true feelings.
"I—I don't really know," she starts. "I don't know what's going on in my own brain, Ruff. I hate not knowing what's going on in my own brain."
"I know, girl, believe me," Ruffnut laughs. "But you know I'm never gonna bullshit you. Just spill it and maybe we can make sense of it?"
"I just—I don't know if I want to keep dating Eret."
Ruffnut snorts and Astrid glares daggers at her.
"Oh, god, you're being serious?" Ruffnut inquires, eyes wide. "Like, dead serious?"
Astrid nods, taking a drag. "I don't know, Ruff—"
"Well, if you don't want him, can I have him?"
Astrid scoffs. "Yeah, here, have his number," she mockingly pulls out her phone. "Good luck getting ahold of him."
"Really?" Ruffnut reaches for the phone, but Astrid smacks her hand with the phone and returns it to her pocket.
"Why would you even want his number? He barely even responds to my texts anymore."
"Uh, because he's fucking hot And British. God, I fucking love that accent."
Astrid blows her bangs out of her eyes. "So what? He's kind of an asshole."
"What? The guy literally went on and on about how much he loves you," Ruffnut laughs.
Anger starts welling up in Astrid's chest.
Yeah, he totally did do that, but at the same time he's been completely dismissive of her for the last 3 months. Where's all of that supposed love now?
"Astrid?"
"What?" Astrid lashes, more aggressive than she meant to be.
"Whoa, okay, chill out. I was only fucking with you," Ruffnut turns her attention to the darkness of the yard. "You know that I'm on your side, no matter what, right?"
"Dude, it's just—" Astrid frustratedly sucks on the cigarette, hoping that the tar and nicotine will somehow make her problems disappear. "He just—fuck." She stops short. Tears unexpectedly surface, spilling out of her eyelids onto her cheek.
"Whoa, whoa, hey there," Ruffnut says, sliding over to comfort her. "Seriously, my bad, I was honestly just messing with you." She puts a warm arm around her as the typically guarded girl cries softly.
"Fuck," Astrid says, inhaling through gritted teeth. "Sorry, I just—Man, I'm just so over it. I'm so over not knowing what we are anymore. I'm over being ignored. I mean, for all I know he's just fucking girls over there. You said it yourself, he's fucking hot, it would be super easy to get anybody he wanted. Like, why are we even still together at this point? It's been this way for months. It wasn't always bad, but holy shit."
"Well if he is fucking other girls, then why do you care? Sounds to me like he's not worth your time or your tears."
Astrid looks at her, wiping the tears on the sleeve of her light jacket, laughing morbidly. "I don't fucking know. I should just end it, right?"
"I mean, it sounds like he's an asshole and you deserve better."
"It wasn't always like this, though! It was good for a while. We video chatted, like, every day."
"Mhm."
"What?"
"You deserve better, homie. I promise. Why don't you just date a guy here? That would make more sense. Or, just wait until high school is over like a normal person? Why are you even still clinging onto this guy?"
"I don't know anymore, Ruff, really. I just—I don't want to be alone."
Ruffnut removes her arm and looks Astrid up and down. "Are you kidding me? You're amazing. You honest to god do not need to worry about that."
Silence overtakes them, less comfortable than before. Astrid finishes off the cigarette and lights up another, staring at her shoes, which are suddenly very interesting.
Why did I say yes to this stupid long distance shit? What's wrong with me? I knew it wasn't going to work and I did it anyway. Maybe I did want it to work, but it's not anymore. Maybe it never did. Why did I get… invested? Why do I care so much? It shouldn't hurt.
"Let's do it."
Astrid looks up from the ground, eyes still wet.
"Do what?"
"Call him. Right now."
"What? I can't just call him. He's probably sleeping!"
"Doesn't matter, this is about your happiness not his beauty sleep. Come on."
"What? I'm not making any decisions right now—"
"Don't think, just answer: do you want to break up with Eret?" Ruffnut demands.
"Yes!" Astrid says exasperatedly with zero hesitation. "Fuck."
She flicks her hands in annoyance.
I fucking hate this. I just want to stop talking about it.
"So—"
"So what!?" Astrid exclaims, throwing her hands around dramatically. "You got an answer, that's what you wanted, right? I—I can't think about this right now, okay? Please?"
Ruffnut sighs and steps away from her, looking out into the yard again.
"Well, what about this Hiccup kid you keep talking about?"
Astrid chokes on her saliva and coughs violently. "What abouthim?"
"I mean, you talk about him a lot," Ruffnut lightly teases, not wanting to upset the mentally off-balance girl, but needing to steer the conversation away from Eret—even if the guy's an asshole.
"Yeah, I mean, I work with him. I'm around him constantly."
Ruffnut gives her a knowing look.
"He's annoying, Ruff, I promise."
"That's not what you said—"
"Yeah, sometimes his stupid comments make me laugh, fine, but he's not like—"
The two of them fall silent as the backdoor slides open and it's none other than Hiccup himself.
Well, speak of the fucking devil.
00000
Hiccup's passing the sliding glass doors into the spacious backyard when he spots Astrid leaning forward against the wooden railing, engaged in animated discussion with a shorter, dirty-blonde haired girl. He tentatively slides the door open and steps outside, pathing to the far end and leaning forward against the mildly damp wood. He takes a deep breath, purifying his nostrils from the musty indoor air. The smell of cigarettes hits him.
He's completely aware that he's got the attention of the two girls, but doesn't make any indication of knowing.
Ruffnut elbows Astrid in the side, flicking her eyes to Hiccup and back again. Astrid shrugs and turns to face him.
"Hey, what's up?" She asks, voice uncharacteristically stuffy. Something about her seems off. Ruffnut pulls up beside her, sizing up her best friend's new friend.
"Oh, you know, just escaping the jungle for a bit," he laughs, trying his best to be charismatic.
"Have you met Ruff yet?" She grabs Ruff by the elbow and pushes her toward him. Ruff hip checks Astrid and sticks her hand out.
"Charmed, I'm sure. Don't fall in love with me, m'kay?" She says coyly. Astrid rolls her eyes.
Hiccup takes her hand and winces at the amount of force she puts into the handshake.
"Harley," he introduces himself, breaking the handshake. "Nice to meet you."
"I thought your name was Hiccup?"
"That's the work of your brother," Astrid smirks.
"Oh, god. I think he's losing his touch." Ruff clicks her tongue. "What do you prefer?"
"Either or," Hiccup says simply. "Whatever you want."
"'Kay then, Hiccup."
If this nickname stuff keeps up, sooner or later my own dad will be calling me Hiccup.
Ruffnut looks him up and down one last time before heading to the door inside. Before she enters she turns to Hiccup, "Hey, do you smoke?"
"Oh, no, my dad will kill me if he smells cigarettes on me."
She smiles deviously and says, "I wasn't talking about cigs." She winks and heads inside.
Astrid stamps out her cigarette and sidles up beside him.
"I should really quit smoking honestly. I don't even like it," she muses.
Hiccup laughs, "Then why do you do it?"
"Oh," she sighs. "I don't know. I know it's awful for me and everything, but it's so nice to just smoke and think."
"Oh yeah? What are you thinking so much about?"
A pause ensues, worrying Hiccup. He's about to apologize when she finally speaks up.
"Just life and stuff, you know. Like, what I'm going to do with my future."
"Your future?"
"Yeah. Um, just some stuff with my boyfriend."
Oh, I didn't know she had a boyfriend. Figures, though, I guess.
"What happened?"
"Oh," she looks at the ground. "I don't know, it's—it's fine," she laughs, trying to play it off. "It's nothing, really. It'll be fine. We're cool."
"Mkay, then, Ms. Mysterious. What about other things in your future, then? What do you like to do?"
"Well, I do like to cook."
Hiccup snickers. "Yeah, I would hope so."
"You know, I used to want to be a chef when I grew up," she says wistfully. "Now… Well, now it's all just work, I guess. I kind of hate it."
"I thought you loved work," Hiccup jokes. "You're always on me about something."
She looks at him with those striking, blue eyes. "Yeah, well I just have high standards, I guess."
She turns her attention into the darkened yard and a comfortable silence falls over them. A breeze flits between the trees, rustling the leaves.
Hiccup finds his eyes drawn to Astrid's lithe form. She's deep in thought with her eyes focused into the night, toying with the hem of her light jacket. Something about the way the porch light makes her hair a fiery gold makes his brain fizzle out.
The silence is broken when the sliding glass door opens and Ruffnut struts out, bong in one hand, a suspicious bag of green in the other, and an excited smile on her face.
"Anybody want a hit?"
"Oh, god, yes please," Astrid's broken from her trance. "That's exactly what I need right now." She rushes over, almost desperately.
"Any time, homie," Ruffnut says, grinding up some bud.
Hiccup swallows. He's never been this close to recreational drugs before, and this wasn't really what he was expecting.
Please don't ask me, please don't ask me, please don't ask me.
"Hiccup? Want a hit? The first one's free." Ruffnut smiles widely, almost creepily so.
God.
"O-oh, no that's okay," HIccup stutters. "Really. I've—I've never really done anything like that before."
Astrid and Ruffnut both stop what they're doing and stare at him before exchanging a knowing look with each other.
"Well, now you have to!" Ruffnut laughs.
"Astrid?" Hiccup tries.
Astrid shrugs and goes back to doing her hit.
"I won't force you to," Ruffnut bargains. "But you're missing out. This is some grade 'A' shit right here." She flicks the baggie of the offending green plant matter.
Astrid puts her mouth in the open end of the bong and lights the bowl, inhaling deeply. The water bubbles and the smoke fills the chamber. Astrid teasingly looks at Hiccup before downing the entirety of the chamber in one. She exhales and the resulting cloud of smoke creates a temporary barrier between her and Hiccup.
She sets the bong down and walks to the wooden railing, leaning on it for support and proceeding to cough her lungs out.
"Oh, god," Hiccup says alarmedly. "Is she okay?"
"Oh, yeah," Ruffnut says, a smirk on her face. "Astrid's just a cougher, that's all."
She loads her own bowl and takes a generous hit, taking a small bow to show off to the cannabis virgin.
Without warning, Astrid comes up behind Hiccup and hugs him, wrapping her kitchen-toned arms around his waist and squeezing tightly.
"Hey," she laughs. "I'm actually really glad you came. You know—" She giggles uncontrollably, cutting herself off and releasing him. The tips of his ears turn bright red as he stammers to form a response that nobody ends up hearing.
"Astrid!" Ruffnut hisses, still sober enough to catch her before she does something even more stupid. "Holy fuck, get inside."
The realization hits Astrid: she just hugged Hiccup for absolutely no reason.
She takes a couple steps away from Hiccup and coughs into her elbow, hoping that he won't remember it by tomorrow. She begins to panic when she realizes that Hiccup is some goody-two-shoes that doesn't smoke. She pushes past Hiccup aggressively, almost shoving him to the ground as she storms inside the house.
Hiccup says nothing, moving to follow her. He's stopped by Ruffnut stepping in front of him.
"Uh uh," she shakes her head, sighing. "Just leave it."
He puts his hands up and takes a step back before turning and resuming his post at the wooden railing staring into the darkness.
What the hell was that?
00000
Astrid's lungs burn and her head is full of anxious thoughts.
Fuck, did I really get stoned off of one hit? My tolerance is fucked right now. I just hugged Hiccup. I totally did that, right? No, this is a dream, I didn't do that. I'm just fucked up right now, that didn't happen. I'll ask Ruff tomorrow and she'll say I was imagining it, right?
She makes her way into the main room, ignoring random people trying to get her attention as she marches to the front door, planning to dip as fast as possible.
The party had slowed down since she went outside to share a cigarette with Ruff which just happened to turn into a bong hit of probably the strongest weed she's smoked in a long time—not that she's the biggest pothead or anything.
She struggles to find a reason—any reason at all—that she had to even touch Hiccup, and she full-on went and hugged him. Not even like they were close friends, which they're not, but like he was… more.
No, she has a boyfriend; and an amazing, super hot one at that. Hiccup doesn't even fall into that category of guys. Hiccup is just another guy that drools over her and thinks about her in creepy ways.
But he hasn't given me that vibe in a long, long time. But he did, at some point, right? Once a creep, always a creep. He is pretty funny though… and pretty cu—NO, Astrid, shut the fuck up. You're stoned, just stop thinking about it. Butterflies, bunnies, dragons, blue skies, the ocean, soccer, running, the river, uh, I don't know. Anything but Hiccup.
She thinks about Eret and his bulky, toned arms. She thinks about him roughly grabbing her and pinning her hands to the bed above her head.
She thinks about all the calls that he ignored. She thinks about all the times she wanted to hang out and just watch a movie or spend time together and it turned into 'let's shag and then you go home.'
She throws the front door open and continues on her path to her car, sucking in the crisp night air as her brain struggles to process all of the visual stimuli.
Fuck, I can't drive like this.
Her panic increases when her world starts spinning.
No, you are NOT greening out right now. There's no way you green out over one hit, stop being a wimp.
She stops and puts her hands on her knees, hunching over and squeezing her eyes shut. The strong alcoholic mixture she indulged in earlier threatens to make a surprise exit, but she swallows it down.
She sits down on the curb as her world continues to spin, fresh tears spilling out onto the ground between her feet.
What the fuck was in that weed? Come on Astrid, you don't get panic attacks. Not anymore. Stop it, you're being dramatic.
"Astrid?" A disembodied voice echoes through space and time.
She doesn't realize that the person is repeating themselves until she looks up from the comfort of her folded arms.
It's Hiccup, of course it is.
"What do you want, Haddock?" She snarls, not entirely sure where her anger is coming from, or why it's so impossibly hard to call him Hiccup.
It's Hicc—Harley, no, Haddock. It's always this kid. It's always his fault.
He's quiet, standing awkwardly, looking at her like she's some sort of specimen.
"H-have you been crying?"
"God, why do you always stutter it's so fucking annoying," she tries to stand up, immediately falling to her knees as her world has turned into gelatin.
Hiccup's taken aback at her tone.
"I—What?"
"Your voice, it's annoying me." She fights back the second coming of the burning alcohol in her stomach.
"Are you okay?" He gingerly reaches out and tries to put a hand on her shoulder, but she slaps it with force.
"Don't fucking touch me, Haddock."
Hiccup's filled with anger he didn't know he had. Years of resentment and harboring ill feelings toward the people that made some of his adolescent years a living hell finally come boiling to the surface.
"Are you serious right now? I'm just trying to help!"
"Then leave! I don't need you, I don't want you."
"I thought we were friends!" He shouts incredulously.
"Friends?" she finally manages to stand. She jabs a pointed finger into his collarbone. "We—you… I'm—"
She doubles over, succumbing to the riot happening in her stomach. Her throat burns, and she can't breathe.
Hiccup jumps back, staring at her.
Astrid wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. "That's how you make me feel, Haddock."
The two look each other in the eyes, tears starting to emerge from Hiccup's green, Astrid's already soaked.
The silence is poignant as neither one of them wants to back down, so they stand, staring, breathing heavily.
Astrid's hardcore facade breaks for a moment and she turns away.
"I'm sorry," she says, her voice cracking.
She takes off down the street, running far less gracefully than she's imagining, going god knows where. Anywhere that's away from Hiccup.
Hiccup wipes his eyes with the hem of his shirt, not really knowing what to do next. He had come out with the intention of making sure Astrid was okay, but this was not what he had expected.
He sits down and puts his head in hands, meters away from the pile of sickness on the sidewalk.
There are no stars tonight, only dark clouds obscuring this patch of Earth from the gaze of the cosmos.
00000
:'(
