Chapter Twenty-Two
Plans
The next day, I was pulled into the War Room; Alistair joined us. Currently, he was leaning against the War Table without any interest in it as he said, "So – on the note of the 'boarding school'… we should name it, shouldn't we?"
I tilted my head, "Denerim Boarding School – next question."
"I was thinking something along the lines of adding your name to the mix – you said your name means Heavenly, right?" he gave me a big grin.
"… Don't even think about it," I sighed. Josephine spoke, "It has merit, though – Inquisition founded means that the other branches at least wound at least need a chantry sponsored name. Future Divine, do you have input?"
Leliana hummed, "School of Heavenly Faith?"
My head met the wall with a groan, "Please no…" Black was sniggering, "Having flashbacks yet, Celeste?"
I flipped him the bird, "So what if that's where I was taught – the answer is a resounding no. How about Lights' Hope?"
Blake laughed so hard he snorted – confusing the others… and me. I demanded, "What?"
"Sorry – sorry… it's just… you know how I played World of Warcraft? They had a church named Lights' Hope Chapel – a church built to worship the light."
I sighed, "Damn… I thought it was a good idea. Can we just table this for later and never speak of 'Heavenly Faith' again?"
"We still need a name though – for the one in Denerim, at least," Alistair grinned. I think he liked seeing me squirm.
Cullen coughed, "We could simply call it 'The Cousland School of Denerim' or – as Celeste said – 'Denerim Boarding School'…"
"I suppose we can do the Cousland School of Denerim." Alistair smirked at me with a wink.
I stuck my tongue out as maturely as I could.
He pulled me to him and gave me a kiss, "Come now – you know we simply wish to make sure credit is given to proper sources."
"I don't want credit – besides, my name is Rutherford." I pointed out. It was as though divine knowledge had been imparted on him, "That is a good point – Rutherford School of Denerim then. It will also give Cullen more legitimacy to have his last name attached to it. You'll allow it for that, right – it could help protect your marriage to him."
I cursed, "You win. Son of a bitch – he may currently be the Arl of Denerim and Prince of Ferelden, but… if it will protect our marriage, then you may tack out last name on there. Fine."
Alistair beamed at me and kissed me, "There we go – you know we love you; we just want to protect your best interests even when you won't."
I squirmed until I had my back against his chest and held my hand out – Cullen came over with a chuckle, "My sister will find that infinitely amusing… and she already heard about our marriage and has sent me a strongly worded letter demanding to know why she wasn't informed."
I shrugged, "You're on your own with that – I warned you."
"Indeed – I sent them an invite to our formal wedding… Guardian 14th – Blake said it had to be that day."
I lurched from Alistairs' arms to chase Blake, "You sneaky shit-face!"
"Aaaannnnd… I'm lost," Varric said. Blake laughed as he ran from me – but Alistair reached out and caught him as he ran passed. I tackled him, "You are such an ass – Valentines' Day? Really? You chose the universal day of Love and Sex for my wedding?"
Josephine jumped on that, "A Holiday from your homeland might be well received if it revolves around love; many people have already sent correspondences inquiring about where you were raised. Introducing a new holiday of love can go hand in hand with the future Divine Decree you've mentioned about Chantry Personnel being allowed to marry."
I groaned, "Blake – your mess, you clean it up. If this goes well, I will forgive you – if it flops, I will skin you."
He blanched and held a hand to his arm, "Yes Ma'am…"
I held out a hand and Cullen helped me stand while Alistair cleared his throat, "I take it you've skinned him before."
"Just a little – to keep our cover intact on a mission. It worked, didn't it? Blake and I have established that I am the Alpha in our little circle of two. He sits when I say sit; that's the hazard of co-existing with yourself, one has to establish dominance or one dies. So here we are – I am dominant. The downside? I get very aggressive with Blake and he sometimes can't help doing the same. It's not healthy."
"But would skin someone else?"
"Depends on the situation – torture for information? Absolutely. For fun? No."
"… I certainly have a type," Alistair sighed, "Isabela, you, Elissa, Cullen – all people that can be very… aggressive."
I sighed, "Yeah – I always feel like shit when I come back out of it with Blake, because we are friends… it's just… yeah."
"So you cannot help harming one another at times?" Cassandra asked.
"It's less than it was when we really were in our mid-twenties; back then, we were so at each-others' throats that we put each-other in the healers bay often. We've managed to get it down to where we mostly annoy one-another; telling people secrets that we shouldn't or such – but there are times when physical pain is involved. Due to my family blessings, I always come out on top unless he manages to surprise me… Sorry, Blake."
"No hard feelings – I figure I was owed this threat for several things… I'm just surprised Ritts isn't in here with us. I figured your lover would be in the Inner Circle."
Leliana hummed, "I have sent Ritts out on a mission – she is scouting Val Royeaux for your arrival."
"Oh – makes sense," Blake shrugged.
Alistair looked contemplative, "We should keep you two separated when we conceive a child then?"
"No – actually, the hormones from that seem to flip a switch. Blake goes from 'killer-instinct' to 'I'll kill anyone that gets close'… my theory on that is that it would technically be his child too since he and I are the same person."
"How do you know that? He wasn't there for the… thing in Afghan, right?" Josie asked.
"It was the way I broke the news of what happened there – I told him they had gotten me… pregnant and he got very, very protective; I told him they killed the child and… well… it was a good thing that our commanding offers understood why Blake destroyed a training room and didn't discipline him more than taking a stipend from his check to cover the expenses for a while. So – normally we are constantly holding back on killing each other; if I get with child, you'll find no greater protector for me."
Blake nodded seriously, "Already, the urge is sort of just… gone from me due to the fact of why you and her got together. The birth control she has is not 100% effective; my instincts have tapered just on the fact that she might get pregnant. And if my instincts have tapered then so have hers – because I'd protect her in that time, so she wouldn't kill me. Honestly, having a kid might destroy the instinct all together – that's our theory – simply because it would hurt the offspring if one of us killed the other. Putting it simply, it doesn't matter which of you two fathers the kid – the kid will have like three dads."
I smirked, "Gives me a good reason to have sex often. Now – can we… talk about something else?"
"The holiday?" Varric suggested.
Blake began describing the holiday – Chocolates, flowers, dates, romance… the way he described it made the holiday seem like the ultimate couples day. Blake was just as much of a Romantic as I was.
I was curled between my two men – waking up between them had been… really nice. I was cocooned and warm… though I'd pretended to be asleep through their whispered conversation about my wildest dream; Cullen had been very shocked about his heritage.
Solas said, "It could work – with the Inquisitor getting formally married to a King and an Arl… we could spread this information as a way to initially hype up the wedding and then… the reception could be decorated for the traditions of the Holiday."
Josephine scribbled furiously on her notepad and said, "It might work. And if it does – we can introduce other holidays."
"Doubtful – most of the American Holidays were tied up in religion. Easter was supposedly the day Jesus rose from the dead, Christmas was supposedly his birthday but really it was a holiday stolen from pagans that used to be call Saturnalia or Yule-tide…"
Alistair cut me off, "You celebrate Satinalia?"
"Sort of – giving gifts, decorating a tree, feasting, spending time with loved ones, and so on. It's celebrated around the winter solstice – the 12th month of the year, the 25th day though. We don't wear masks or name the town fool king for a day though… no point when the town fool is already the king," I muttered the last part.
Blake snorted, "Hey – come now; the current president wasn't as bad as the one 3 before him."
I rolled my eyes, "Didn't say he wasn't – but America needed an overhaul and it was deteriorating." I shook my head – Would things have been any different if Smith had won instead in the election? Not likely with the senate stacked with bigots and traditionalists. People always blamed the sitting president for anything that was happening, but they didn't seem to understand that it wasn't completely on the president… there were three branches of government – not one; still President Braun was a special case.
"Anyway – describe a traditional Satinalia for you…" Alistair asked excitedly.
"You prepare more than a month in advance – so you're wrapping gifts, putting them under a festively decorated tree and drinking eggnog laced with spirits. You buy the biggest turkey or ham you can find as the centerpiece of your meal – but there's also stuffing, fixings, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry salad, green bean casserole, a minimum of three types of pie, and then the drinks. People stay home with their family and open the gifts and just celebrate life and love while cooking the food from early in the morning so that it's done by about 4 in the afternoon. You then stuff yourself silly with the food while playing with the toys and such that you received in the gifts that you opened in the morning. Some people just spend time together and wait to open the gifts until after the holiday meal. There are performances sometimes that you can attend. That's the modern-day version of 'traditional' though." I shrugged.
Blake jumped in, "My family was far more traditional. We celebrated the real Saturnalia; decorate with wreaths and other greenery – no one worked that day; not even slaves in the old times when slaves were a thing; back then slaves were allowed to participate in the festivities; in some cases, they sat at the head of the table while their masters served them. It was part of the holiday. The holiday was gambling, singing, playing music, feasting, socializing and giving each other gifts. There was also a lot of sex among the adults. We actually did place the fool as the head of the family for the day. Insulting guests, wearing crazy clothing, chasing women and girls – he was meant to make mischief. The idea was that he ruled over chaos. hiding coins or other small objects in cakes was also fun; and sometimes was also the method of choosing our holiday 'king'… I got to be king on my last Saturnalia with them. Apparently, my family had Roman roots; though in more recent times we were more Japanese and American than roman, the traditions for the holiday stayed."
"… I think I like your two versions better than what we celebrate in Firstfall. Right, it's been two months since the Conclave – it's Harvestmere in a month and a half… you swear that you'll help me meet my mother as my mother then, right?" Alistair asked.
I smiled, "I'll pull her aside and say I need a magical opinion since I'm attempting to have your child or something so you need to be present. The information that your mother is actually the Grand Enchanter won't leave this room."
Chaos met my words – only Cullen had known who exactly. Josie dropped her notepad and Solas looked blown away. I'd told all my traveling companions that he was mage and elf blooded, but not who his mother was.
Alistair sniggered, "You do know how to drop information."
I reached up and moved some stray hair from his face, "Your mother loves you so much, Alistair – had you still been a Grey Warden; if you were the one to stay behind to cover our escape in the future… she would do all she could to save you. She never would have given you up if she'd had a choice; and if she hadn't made your father promise not to acknowledge you, he would have in a heartbeat. You would have been raised with your family… like in the Fade when you found him. And no – your flirting would not have magically been better just by being raised with your dad and brother. Just saying. Though… I like how you flirt anyway. Fiona loves you, Alistair – never doubt that."
He leaned into my hand, "You know… it helps to know that."
"I do know – knowing I have family here was… something I never expected."
Cullen cleared his throat, "So, is this the reason we're picking the Mages over the Templars?"
"In part – but the other reason is that the templars are already almost all under the influence of Red Lyrium. We save more lives by picking the Mages than we could if we picked the Templars. I'd like for you to see if Ser Barris can be persuaded to abandon the Templars in our favor – he's a good man; too good to lose to the red lyrium… actually, he's in Val Royeaux; I might be able to get him myself."
Cullen sighed, "I hope you can – with recruiting the mages rather than conscripting them, we will need people just to make sure…"
I nodded, "Mages do need some oversight, but not to be oppressed. Trust me."
"I do – that is the only reason I am not pushing harder on finding more templars at once in preparation of bringing in the Mages."
"Oh – on that note – when we recruit Madam De Fer; Enchantress of the Court in Orlais; no one is to tell her that Fiona is Alistairs' mum. She'll tell everyone and Alistair might be asked to step down from his throne and then Ferelden would have another civil war and… just don't tell the bitch, please. I don't like her views on mages, though she's pretty cool otherwise. I don't care if people tell her where I've been the last 58 years – just don't tell that woman why I'm so firmly on Fionas' side all the time."
Everyone seemed to accept that. "You call her a bitch?" Varric asked.
"Honey, you begin writing a book where she's the villain – and you tell her… she starts giving you pointers on it. She's a bitch – and she knows it. She actually likes the idea of being a villain in your books too. Just remember – her fancy mask needs to be inlaid with opal."
Josie hummed, "I can get a mask made with opal in it… just to keep her on good terms when we upset her with the knowledge that we are recruiting the mages rather than conscripting them."
"Go for it – have Leliana design something. Now… can we adjourn the meeting? I'm starving…" I pouted. Blake snorted, "Not enough sleep?"
"What sleep?" I quipped. He coughed, "I'll admit to being jealous."
"You'd be more jealous if I said they were better endowed than what I walked in on that one time."
"… Don't get petty and pretty confused, twerp." He pouted.
"I choose to be both – it's a challenge, but I think I can manage it," I smirked. Alistair shook his head, "I would be upset, but I think I just received a compliment."
I nodded, "You very much did… but so did Cullen. You both wear armor, so Blake has no way of getting a good glance at the goods. Oh – how's your back today? I tried to be more mindful…"
He grinned, "Still stings like mad, but I won't let Lona heal it so…"
Blake whistled, "You marked him?"
"I felt terrible when it was still bleeding the next morning at breakfast, too," I rubbed my face. Elissa coughed, "Don't need to hear this."
"I do," Leliana looked amused.
I rolled my eyes, "Food time – come on."
We all headed out when I caught sight of him standing awkwardly at the entrance to the chantry trying to get someones' attention.
Cremisius Aclassi – Krem – was 5'9 with brown hair shaved at the sides and startling green eyes. His tanned skin was clad in plate armor… I stumbled just a little – I hadn't expected him to be so handsome. Blake nudged me and gave me a pleading look. I cleared my throat, "Cremisius Aclassi – I didn't expect you here for another two weeks. Do you have one of your stuffed nugs?"
The man jerked in surprise, looking at me wide-eyed, "I see the tales about the Lady Herald are true, then."
"Uh-huh – I'm also a surgeon that can make you look as you feel, if that's something you wish to pursue. I will certainly meet you on the Storm Coast, but we already decided to Hire your company. The Nugs, Krem?"
"I… I have 3 on me – a white, a pink and a brown…" he muttered flushed.
"Interested in selling one or two?" I asked with a smile. He pulled three stuffed nugs out of his bag – he was bright pink, "I… I wouldn't say no…"
"I'll pay 5 sovereigns a piece… I like the white one – Oooh look at the gold accents…!" I cooed as I took it gently from his hand. Krem coughed, "I would have said 50 silvers…"
"Don't care – I love it! Look – Cullen, aren't they cute?"
Cullen gave me an indulgent smile, "Adorable – though, not as cute as your reaction to it; don't you agree Alistair?"
"Oh, very much so. I think I'll pay for it – just because. 5 sovereigns."
Alistair handed Krem 5 gold coins as I hugged the nug to keep it away from Blake and said, "Uh-uh – mine… you'll have to fight Leli for the other two."
Elissa chuckled, "Never get between Leli and the 'subterranean bunny-pigs'… she'll gut you."
Leliana handed Krem a rather obvious pouch of coins and took both the remaining nugs… much to the surprise of the agents around us. I coughed, "Stay for a meal and a rest, Krem – we can head out to the storm coast after the party tomorrow. Don't worry – even if we arrive and Bull is already fighting 'none dead, five or six wounded'." I mimicked Krems' Voice.
He nodded, "Well – if none dead, and that few wounded in a fight with Vints…"
I shrugged, "Leliana already sent our scouts to the Coast so we have back up near enough to your people with an order to 'help the horned giant if he looks like he needs it'."
"Chief will love that," Krem gave a smile, "What did you mean about making my outside look like my inside."
"You're a man – if you're happy enough with your body as is, then I won't say any more on the matter; but I assisted in enough gender reassignment operations to know how to go about giving you a dick if you want one." I shrugged.
Krem flushed, "Ah… you know about it… you can do that?"
Blake snorted, "She threatened to do it to me and I'm not Aqun-Athlok like you are. You're a good-looking man though…"
"He's not gay, Blake – step off; he's going to have a thing for Maryden, remember? He'd go for me before he went for you," I stuck my tongue out, still clutching my nug.
Blake sighed, "It's not fair – you already have Alistair and Cullen…"
"And they're all I'll have – not that I could handle any more; Heaven only knows that much. Anyway, Krem – just let me know and I'll have a sterile theater set up for operations."
"I will consider it; I… thank you. Very few people that know refer to me as a man after they learn it," He coughed.
"That's stupid – you are a man. Alistair – was Maevaris Tilani any less of a woman for having a dangly bit?" I asked.
"That woman is a force to be reckoned with; she scares me a little, I think. But no – she wasn't less of a woman for being born a man. Magister Tilani still holds a few favors from me for that bit of business, too."
"Mmmh – the Inquisition will be helping her in a bid to overturn our enemy and then we will also protect her. She'll send Carastian Candies for Josie, Chocolates for Leli and a Scented Handkerchief for Cullen."
Alistair burst our laughing, "Plan to share Cullen with her?"
"Oh, not in the slightest; but she is very pretty. Anyway, the point here is that we don't give a damn what's in your pants… unless you're in bed with us and even then, only so we know how to play with it."
Josie coughed, "I am glad that you don't say such crass things around the nobles…"
"Why would I? I'm a soldier, Josie – I have very little to do with those milk-drinkers."
Alistair shook his head, "I'll get a letter to Mae telling her that you can be trusted if she needs aid."
"Dorian would tell her just the same, dearest. Dorian Pavus."
"Oh – I heard of him; his family is one of the ones that abhors Blood Magic, isn't it? And it was also a scandal that he was gay, if I recall correctly." Alistair said. I nodded, "That's him. He and Mae for a group called the Lucerni to restore and redeem Tevinter to being… good. Anyway, back off, Blake – the nug is mine."
I saw several agents and soldiers watching in amusement as I held the nug protectively. Blake pouted, "I just wanna hold it for a while…"
"I'd never get it back. Mine; fuck off." I said.
Krem looked amused too, "I can make another one…"
Blake pounced – tossing his arm around Krems' shoulder, "Could you, would you, ever so kindly?"
"Sure – I have all the materials. I never travel without enough material to make at least 5 since I get bored. It was my idea to reach out to the Inquisition, so chief said I should bring the message to you. I'm going to laugh when I tell him I made money on the nugs he likes to criticize."
Leliana smiled sweetly, "Nugs are the symbol of the Inquisition."
Yeah – I had said we needed a mascot and demanded it be nugs with wings… so we had a mascot.
It wasn't well known yet, but now it would be. I saw people paling as they looked at various nug-leather items.
I giggled, "Nugs with wings, specifically. I just thought it would be nice to have a mascot; a mascot not associated with any one country. Nugs aren't even strictly a dwarven symbol so it works. Bronto are the symbol of Dwarves; Mabari are the Ferelden sigil and so on."
Speaking of Mabari – Bryce came bounding up and looked at Krem. I smiled, "Ah – Krem, this is Bryce; Alistair insisted I needed personal protection as the Queen-in-waiting so…"
Now that was how you start people talking about it. I heard whispers as we all sat at Cullens and my table. Alistair and Cullen on either side and Krem across from me. Krem spoke, "We heard you were married to the Commander."
"I am." I said.
"… Could I get… an elaboration on that?" Krem asked.
"Sure – Cullen and I got married because we believe we're soul mates and – I mean – who hasn't heard the stories by now? He made a ring for me before we ever met. But then… it came to light that I've been pregnant before and my sister is infertile so… the Landsmeet wanted to make Elissa step down and have me as Queen. One of the nobles realized that monogamy is not mentioned at all in the chant of light… and Grand Cleric Elemena agreed. She's the last living Grand Cleric, but she's dying so she can't be Divine. Cullen and I spoke and agreed to allow a marriage between Alistair and I since we had already agreed to have me carry Alistairs' child in the future anyway. So Elissa gave me the Sending Stone she had that allowed her to speak with Alistair and we've been getting to know each other over the last few weeks. Turns out, we have a lot in common. He caught up to my group in the Hinterlands and proposed after almost having a heart attack that I killed a dragon."
Krem stilled, "Not a High Dragon…?"
"Oh yeah – I even shouted Taarsidath-an Halsaam after… twice!" I laughed. Krem snorted, "Chief is Really going to like you – he has a thing for red-heads so be careful."
I giggled, "Not my type – well, he is but I'm taken. Shame for him; I got me a dragon-blooded king. I suppose we shouldn't tell Bull that I'm dragon-blooded too, huh?"
"He'd never leave you alone!" Krem laughed.
"Blake – go get me a second Claw before that wagon leaves for Skyhold; it'll make a nice gift for Bull."
He shot out of his seat like someone lit a fire under his ass. Krem lifted an eyebrow, "You have him… well-trained?"
"I've skinned him before so… he knows better than to step too far out of line. He and I are actually one person from different… well… it's difficult to explain. Let's just say we're twins with a two-year age difference."
Krem shrugged, "Can't get too weird – the boss won't listen."
I laughed, "I know – can you imagine if he walked in the Fade?"
"Cover his ears and go 'la-la-la' or something."
"Yup – it's official; you are my best friend from here on out. Guys, can I keep him?"
"As a friend? Sure – nothing more than that though," Cullen said.
Alistair nodded, "I agree – you have enough men."
"Tsk – what about the Harem I was planning on building," I teased.
Jackson came up, "Well… Blake could take over the Harem; he's slept with half the Inquisition in two weeks already."
"Including you?" I quipped. Jackson flushed, "He's tried – but no."
Krem snorted, "A miniature Iron Bull."
I shrugged, "Blake likes to think he's all that… but he's not so hot in bed."
"Admiral – I will have you know that I've never had any complaints!" Blake pouted as he passed me a claw and sulked back to his chair.
"Honey – we all know men have fragile egos; no one would savagely tell a man that he's no good to his face… you may not have gotten complaints, but I hear no compliments."
Alistairs' ale spewed across the table as he choked on it. Cullen reached around me to slap him on the back as Krem laughed, "Chief is going to love you."
Blake sulked, "Yeah – I hear none about you either."
"That's because my men are gentlemen – they don't kiss and tell."
"I will to defend your honor if need be," Alistair whipped his mouth, "But I think it simply says enough that no one else in the group got any sleep the night we first met up."
Cassandra grunted, "Do not remind me – and you were still bleeding when you came out of the tent, Your Majesty."
"I think Cullen reopened a few of those marks too…" Alistair rubbed at his neck. I narrowed my eyes, "Shirt – off."
He didn't complain. I cursed when I saw his back, "Solas – I'm done humoring him; can you please be a dear and heal this for me… look at all this blood. I'm sorry, Alistair…"
Blake was gaping, "You did that?"
"I've been meaning to cut my nails…" I muttered with a flush.
Alistair pouted as Solas healed his back – none of us bothering to realize that the whole Tavern was silent.
Leliana hummed, "If they can do that much damage to someone with thick hide for skin, maybe you should keep your nails – they can make a good weapon if something happens."
Elissa nodded looking impressed, "I never managed to break skin on him. Don't get me wrong – I didn't need to know this, but damn little sister…"
"Well – I have the same blessing he does mixed with my Cousland trait of enhanced Strength. Is it any wonder that I can break skin? He and I are equally matched in terms of power." I muttered.
Alistair leaned over and kissed my cheek, "I simply like that I can make you lose control. That's why I do not get them healed – they're reminders," his voice was a whisper. I went bright red.
I shoved him, "You are a terrible bastard!"
He laughed, "Royal bastard, my dear. And of course I am."
Krem was already sewing a new Nug – I had a feeling he would have many commissions by the time all was said and done.
