Chapter Twenty-Seven

Home Again


I was thinking as we made camp near Haven – we'd arrive the next day – and so I approached Dorian and Vivienne again.

"Madame – so I had a thought. Outhouses don't work much at a city level… but plumbing would. It would require running pipes beneath houses; it'd be a costly expense, but the whole city – or at least the nobility – could benefit from it. It'd also be cheaper than making individual outhouses all running to different dump points. Schematics for that would run…?"

"7-10,000 Sovereigns at base price – that means it would be the price that you're offered at first. With a good negotiator, you can walk away with a minimum of 30,000 for a schematic that would overhaul the city."

"30? I contacted a family friend through a sending stone who passed the word to my father then passed word back to me. The Pavus Family is willing to act as a broker between you and the Archon – only decent thing I can say about my father at the moment. But my estimates are in the fifty thousand range at mid-tier pricing. 30 was the offer for the outhouses – if you have something for city-wide, of course you'd get more than a mere 30 thousand."

I nodded, "I was just curious. I'll draw up the schematics later, but I'd like the two of you to act as my intermediaries to Orlais and Tevinter. Get me the best price you can and you'll each get 10% of the profits for the sale. Not to mention, I've already got our ambassador working on unique wardrobes for me and Blake – it'd be nothing to see about getting a few more things commissioned for each of you."

"Things like that dress you wore to my Salon?" Vivienne asked in interest.

"No – that one was far too simple for a refined woman such as yourself. Here; these are my sketchbooks. This one has mens fashion and this one has womens. Take a look and let me know if you're willing." I smirked.

Vivienne skimmed the pages for only a moment before agreeing. Dorian on the other hand, landed on a single page and said, "I like this… this one specifically."

"That's good – it was designed to be your outfit for the Winter Ball. That one is already yours. I can have more things done that would fit your style…?"

"You certainly have a deal. I was born to wear something like this." he declared.

I chuckled, "So you were. I'll have Josie – our ambassador – work as the intermediary with Antiva. Here's hoping that Cass will be… willing to work with Nevarra. I plan to gift it to Alistair as our wedding-gift. I hear that's the tradition in Ferelden – to give gifts to each other on the wedding day. Bull will work with Par Vollen. But I don't have anyone to work with Rivain."

"I'm sure Lady Montilyet won't mind," Cass' voice came from behind me. It was only my training that kept me from showing any surprise. She'd been quiet this time.

"Heard all of that, did you?" I asked.

"I will contact my 'cousin'."

"Why haven't you abdicated – you hate being in line at all, so why keep your place?" I asked. She stiffened, "The… laws of Nevarra prevent me from abdicating. Only if I were a mage or a Grey Warden would I be absolved of responsibility to the throne… or a Priest."

"… Well, that sucks. How about Lady Seeker?" I asked.

"Does not count," she sounded petulant about that, "I already checked."

"I bet that's why your uncle chose Seekers for you – if he'd gone Templars, then you would have been able."

"Because Templars take vows… I always wondered why my uncle chose the seekers over my wish for the Templars; I assumed it was the Lyrium." She looked like she was in the middle of an epiphany.

"You're in line for the Nevarran throne?" Dorian asked.

"… 14th," she growled.

"Ah – and I'm 1st in line to be a magister if my father croaks," Dorian quipped, "Dreadful – no one wants to deal with all the paperwork that comes with that. It really chaps the hands."

I giggled and rolled my eyes as I walked off, "Don't worry, Cass – I didn't design you a dress. You get a pants suit."

"… Thank you," she called out.

I wasn't quite suicidal enough to tell her that it would be in the Pentaghast family colors… yet. I'd tell her eventually.


Arriving back in Haven, Tevinter had already moved to make a deal the night before I arrived. Only took them 5 days.

So I walked into Haven and marched right to Josie – my husband hot on my heels and glancing suspiciously at Dorian as… well everyone followed me to the War Room.

I began things, "Josie – want the best news you're likely to get this year?"

Her pen perked up and she gave me a challenging look, "Better than you giving our cause legitimacy?"

"Much – I'm also giving a lot of coin. The plans for the outhouses – I'm talking about plans that could revolutionize whole cities because I'm making it ancient Rome-style. The ancient Roman plumbing system was a legendary achievement in civil engineering, bringing fresh water to urbanites from hundreds of kilometers away. Wealthy Romans had hot and cold running water, as well as a sewage system that whisked waste away. Blake happened to study ancient Rome."

"Oh – yeah, I can draw those plans up to problem." Blake confirmed.

"Tevinter is offering their opening negotiation through our Tevene Ambassador – Dorian Pavus, here. Madame De Fer will negotiate with Orlais. Cassandra will negotiate with Nevarra. You will handle both Antiva and Rivain. Bull will handle Par Vollen. I have Alistair talking to the Anderfels for me and in return he gets the plans free. Tevinter opened negotiation at 33,000 Sovereigns for the schematics and sending people here to take lessons on how to install."

Josie stilled, "33 thousand?"

"For a schematic that can overhaul all of Tevinter? Think big, my lady. It helps that I said Orlais was already ready to offer a minimum of 30 thousand. And you know us Vints; we always have to be more opulent than Orlais if we can." Dorian grinned.

"Orlais is offering…?" Leliana asked.

"Not yet – I haven't had a proper spot to sit and write a note to dear Celene yet. But I will mention Tevinters' starting bid. Anything to help the cause, of course," Vivienne smirked.

"If we can get every country on board, we'll never lack for coin. Alistair plans to pick up the plans when he's in the area next week to 'oust Alexius'. Cass is going to pen a note tonight – also mentioning Tevinter. We all know that every country wants to one-up Tevinter. They will all want it first and won't know that we have someone with a sending stone to House Pavus. Alistair will be the real first to have it – both as my betrothed and as a reward for agreeing to talk to the First Warden and the King of the Anderfells for me. I was going to give it to him as a wedding gift until I remembered I didn't have any one to negotiate with that one yet. I'll think of something else."

Cullen chuckled, "Work-related gifts?"

"For my workaholic husbands," I quipped.

He opened his mouth to argue but then pursed his lips, "I can't dispute that."

Blake sniggered, "Get Alistair a replica of Thors' Hammer."

"Shove off – he already seems to have a big head – get him the hammer of the god of lightning, and it'll inflate." I sighed.

"They don't appear to have light chainmail here – and with the possibility of an assassination attempt, having chainmail under his daily clothes might be a good idea," Blake shrugged.

"Good – get on it." I grinned.

"Ugh – I just had to say something. Forgot that you can't make chainmail, but I can." He shook his head.

Then he added, "I know a great gift for both of them… page 6 of your sketchbook from back home…!" he ducked quick when I threw my shoe at him before lunging over the war-table.

He was pinned in 30 seconds as I said, "You suggest that one more time, Blake – and I will gut you. I will shove a branch full of splinters so far up your ass that you taste the bark. And then – when you've recovered – I'll do it again."

"… anyone else think this is hot?" Bull asked.

Blake said, "… and if I use my safe-word?" his voice had a little whimper to it of fear.

"Honey – sweetheart… there are no safe-words in torture." I smiled sweetly, "Mention it again – try me."

He swallowed hard, "As… as my queen commands…"

"Anyone else curious what page 6 was?" Dorian asked.

"Not after those threats," Varric said, "She follows through."

"Hot," Bull said.

"They aren't threats – they are promises," I smirked darkly as Cullen helped me up and whispered in my ear, "What was page 6?"

"Page 23 in yours," I muttered back.

"… it'd be a very good gift," he said breathlessly. I went red, "Nope – I'm not the type to get naked or wear anything that reveals my blubberous belly. You know that." I muttered.

He frowned at that but said, "We'll talk about it later… but Alistair agrees with me on that argument."

"What argument? The newlyweds argue?" Dorian asked – juicy gossip, ripe for the picking.

"We do not – we simply debate until I distract," I flashed him a smile, "You know – the fun way."

He laughed, "I hear that's how wives always win the argument."

"Usually," Blake said, "It doesn't work if the husband acts like the south end of a north-bound Donkey, but if it's a minor argument…"

Varric snorted and couldn't stop laughing. Leliana giggled lightly. Elissa full on guffawed and said, "Oh Maker – say that again!"

"The… south end of a north-bound Donkey?" Blake asked.

Cassandra also let out a single chuckle. Dorian said, "Varric – you simply must use that in your next book. It's such a polite way of saying he's an ass. I love it."

I shook my head, "They haven't heard that one before, Blake."

"I'll get my insult book – society in our time was too polite to outright say 'fuck off' anymore."

We began trading insults, "I hope your day is as pleasant as you are," I grinned.

"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong," Blake quipped.

"Well – aren't you precious?" I smiled sweetly. I saw Viviennes' eyes widen at that one.

"If you were a spice, you'd be flour," Dorian hissed at that one.

"You never were overburdened by intelligence," Leliana gave a surprised laugh at my line.

"If I wanted a bitch, I would have bought a dog," he snarked.

"If you're going to be two-faced, can't you at least make one pretty?" I asked. Josie fumbled her clipboard with wide eyes.

"You are proof that god has a sense of humor," he grinned. Cullen blinked at that and glanced at me.

"I thought we were having a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed," I gave a faux frown. Vivienne smirked slightly at that,

"It's impossible to underestimate you," he said. Ellana began giggling.

"Isn't it rather dangerous to use ones' entire vocabulary in a single sentence?"

He gave a gasp and said, "I like your approach – now let's see your departure."

"And now for a classic; one wishes to acquaint your face with materials used in building houses… repeatedly." I smirked.

He groaned, "You win."

"Wait – explain that last one?" Bull asked.

"I want to hit you in the face with a brick – repeatedly." I said drily.

"Oh," he laughed.

"I happen to have found a sturdy and large stick – if you want me to hit you with it," I grinned.

"I'll take you up on that," he nodded.

"Wait – really?" Cullen asked.

"It's a form of training in the Qun – so why not?" Bull shrugged.

"Anyway, I…" I began but my sending stone went off. I answered, "My beloved king?"

"You always make me smile – but I'm writing that note to the Anderfels for you and I'm not sure how to describe what you've told me." Alistair said.

"Oh – easy enough. Ahem, 'My betrothed has made an offer…'" I began. He hummed and I faintly heard his quill scratching paper.

When I heard it stop, I continued, "As she was raised in a more advanced land than our own, she brings with her some rather unique inventions, of which, she is willing to share with Thedas. The one that I write to you about today makes chamber-pots obsolete. Can you imagine a chamber-pot that doesn't need emptying? No waiting on your hired servants to empty them to be rid of the foul smell? Imagine water that is already warmed or cooled when it reaches you? The plans she is offering work for the whole city – she calls it plumbing, or an aqueduct system. She is reaching out to every country with these plans – and has, at this time, heard from Tevinter offering 33 thousand Sovereigns for the plans and allowing of sending people to her to be taught how to install these plans. She wasn't sure how to approach you, and since I am a Joined Warden, she asked me as I might have some connections in the Anderfels. You may either contact her back directly or send word back to me and I will carry the words to her. Maker Guide You; King Alistair Theirin of Ferelden…"

"Hmm – this looks a lot more diplomatic that what I usually have the scribes write." He commented.

"Uh-huh – and why write this one by hand?" I asked.

"Because when I told Eamon that you'd given me a task in exchange for the plans, he made me do it myself so that I wouldn't be 'cheating in the task'. I think you scare him – more than a little."

"That's my fault," Blake coughed, "I sent him a letter; he would have gotten it about last week. It er… detailed the tortures the Admiral is capable of doling out; and what she's survived. I then told him that she's a highly protective woman when it comes to family and loved ones so he'd do well to be kinder to you…"

"Ah – that does explain his look of outright terror when I said it was a task from Celeste. He's seen fit to hire only the best maids to take care of the Queens' Chambers and having new clothing made for you in your 'preferred style' and banning deep mushrooms from the palace entirely… he's been quite thorough in that particular quest. Stamina potions don't even make it in on the guards hips. He has a special room near the gate-house in case guards need a stamina potion and they each have to sign for however many they get."

I chuckled, but Bull asked, "Why?"

"Celeste is allergic to Deep Mushrooms – it would have killed her if her lands hadn't invented something to circumvent allergic reactions." Varric shuddered, "We learned that one the hard way."

I shrugged, "It doesn't circumvent – it allows the constricting… oh, forget it. Point is, I still need a bit of medical attention after. I just know how to do that medical attention myself is all."

"So Eamon is on a crusade to prevent anyone from poisoning you even by accident as well as making sure the palace feels like home. I hope he didn't throw my stuff out." Elissa looked amused.

"It's all packed up and being sent to Gwaren as we speak," Alistair said.

"Good enough for me," Elissa said.

"Yeah – when Eamon heard that Celeste preferred pants to skirts and got a wardrobe sketch-set from Lady Montilyet, he took all your dresses, skirts and tops, and had them packed up and sent to Gwaren because nothing fit Celestes' preferred style. He took great care in getting the few dresses and skirts on the list made too for formal functions like balls, diplomatic meetings and such – but for the most part, the Queens' Chambers have pants now. No heels exist in that room; flat shoes and boots only." Alistair hummed.

I chuckled, "Good. When are you leaving for Redcliffe?"

"Well – having to bring a small Army as well as Teagan – I'm leaving in about two hours so; I should arrive at the right time. It'll take a week for our horses and the carriage that I'm being forced to ride in to get there. I managed a quick travel last time because I only had a few men and the two carriages. But a score of men takes a lot of breaks and need more food, so…"

"Fair enough. I expect you to spend the night when we meet in Redcliffe." I said sternly.

"I doubt even Teagan would expect otherwise. He's quite grateful to you – he and Kaitlyn just got engaged last night. He says it's the best thing that's ever happened to him and he gives you full credit for it, despite what was said about it being something that was supposed to happen. Oh – I heard back from the Arishok; not good news, I'm afraid."

"He won't play ball? Oh, I mean – he doesn't believe me?" I asked.

"That's right – he said something along the lines of 'it will be up to Hissrad if we make a deal; and if we do, then the way of the Qun is clear'. So, no – he doesn't believe you would sacrifice his people to save others."

"Fuck him, then – when the time comes, I'd rather save… ahem. Anyway; Oh – I have more stuffed nugs now! I'm starting a collection." I beamed. Krem – having been allowed to follow us to the War Room – flushed.

Alistair said, "Should I have a shelf installed above the bed for them?"

"That's something – you keep saying 'Queens Chambers' are they separate from the Kings?"

"Ah – it's… no. the Kings' Chambers are really just my study and office. It used to be separate under Cailans' rule and before that, but Elissa and I decided to set a precedent for the future and made the 'Queens' into the bedroom and the 'Kings' into the office. It has two desks – one for the King and one for the Queen. So really, it's more like the 'Royal chambers' and the 'Royal Study'. They are connected by a door in the adjoining wall, however."

"… yes, I want a shelf for my nugs. How big is the bed?" I wondered aloud.

"Oh – big enough that we could invite two large Qunari with you, me and Cullen and still have room to not touch each other." Alistair said.

"Don't give Bull any ideas, dear. But that does sound perfect. I cuddle, but bigger beds have their advantages." I said.

"Okay – well, I'll let you go for now, my love; I need to finish preparing for our trip. The sooner I get to see you, the better."

We hung up and I said, "Well – as I was saying before; it's lunch time and I'm hungry so… dismissed?"

Cullen reached out and took my arm as we all headed for the Tavern. Flissa greeted me enthusiastically as we entered, "Admiral! Tried that chicken dish you got me the recipe for – it's become a favorite here!"

I smiled at her and we headed to our normal table.

As our table was a 4-seater, Bull was delegated to add one table to ours and put two together behind it so that we could all comfortably talk and get to know each other.

Josie kept giving discreet glances at Blackwall – remembering that she and the Warden were meant to at least flirt with one another. Cass sat next to Maxwell. I was practically in Cullens' lap.

Elissa glanced at Blackwall, "This is the 'Warden' then?"

It was almost unnoticeable that she emphasized 'warden'. Blackwall straightened and I said, "Blackwall, meet my sister – Teyrna Elissa Cousland of Gwaren; Hero and Warden-Commander of Ferelden. Sister, this is Warden Blackwall. Alistair saved his life with a wheel of cheese recently."

"So I've heard – but it wasn't saving his life, was it?" she asked with a lifted eyebrow.

"May as well have been. This one is Dorian – the Altus that I told you about that has done extensive research on the Blight. This is The Iron Bull; careful, he likes red-heads. This one is Sera. This is Madame Vivienne De Fer. I think that's everyone that you hadn't het yet – not sure how you missed Blackwall before."

Leliana held her hand out to Krem with a pouch of money – he quickly handed her 3 new stuffed nugs and took the money. He knew better than to argue.

Bull watched this whole transaction with amusement.

Blake pouted, "But, Leliana! I still haven't gotten one…"

She lifted an eyebrow at him – he shuddered and looked away.

Bull coughed, "So – Blake and Boss are…"

"One in the same, yes. He's been formally adopted into house Cousland due to that, too." I answered as Flissa began taking drink orders. When she got to me and I asked for a very tall glass of milk, Bull looked confused.

"You carrying, Boss?"

"… Not yet. But hopefully soon enough. I just want milk." I shrugged.

"Right…" he hummed. Truth was, I wanted chocolate milk. And I had my chocolate sauce with me.

Once my drink arrived, I began pouring chocolate into it and then stirred. I didn't hear it get quiet – I was too focused on making my drink perfect. Once it was, I sighed happily and let Cullen have a sip. His eyes widened, "It's like Hot Chocolate… but… different."

I reluctantly let Bull have a sip since I knew he liked Hot Chocolate. His eyes widened, "Boss! How'd you do that?"

"Chocolate Syrup – yum. Invented by a man in Denerim; he sold me the recipe. Well – sold it to Alistair to give to me." I hummed.

Blake held his hand out and I passed it over. He also took a sip of my milk and his eyes widened, "This is richer than Earth Chocolate Syrup." He glanced at the recipe and hummed, "Yeah – I can make this. Easily."

"What was the mans' name?" Josie asked.

"Don't bother – Alistair hired him as the Royal Chocolatier when I told him that I had a sweet-tooth the size of Tevinter. It's another reason to keep Blake around – I can cook, he can bake."

Cullen was suspiciously smiling as he taped out in code. Leliana giggled and whispered to Josie.

I glanced around, "What? Cullen – don't be mean!"

"You'll like the surprise – I promise." He said.

"That wasn't morse code, Admiral – I can't help here." Blake shrugged when I looked at him.

"Fuck – I hate surprises." I muttered.

"No you don't – you hating knowing there are going to be surprises. You hate waiting for the surprise; you don't actually hate surprises," Blake stuck his tongue out at me. I flipped him off.

"Speaking of – any ideas on what to gift Cullen at your wedding?" Blake asked as though Cullen wasn't right here.

"A few ideas, yes. I'll need some glass and an area where I can blow it…"

"… Harritt will let you use the forge area; and I can requisition a hollow…" Blake began.

I passed him a list of everything that I would need. On the page, it listed enough for 2 of what I was making and told Blake that he would need to make 2 sets of chainmail. Yeah – both my husbands would be equally treated to the gifts; but they'd also each get specialized gifts.

What I planned to make were decanter and glass sets; Alistairs would be a dragon around a tower decanter with flame shaped glasses and a Ferelden shaped wooden 'tray' for them to be placed on. Cullens would be a lion climbing a mountain with glasses that were normal shaped and the tray would be shaped as a square.

As to the Chainmail, both would be made with the best – Dragon bone and Stormheart.

When Blake unfolded the paper to read and see the designs, his eyes widened and he hissed, "Fancy, Admiral. I'll see that everything is gathered… and I'll have Harritt make me the links of bone and… yeah…"

"Ahem – we'll be here for 3 days; Alexius should contact us by then. Bull, Dorian – get to know each other. Sera, make yourself at home. Blackwall; Elissa will fill you in on all the things you need to know about Ferelden Wardens. Madame De Fer, you can make camp in the Chantry – Lady Montilyet has an office there if you need her. Varric – help Cullen with the maps, please. Cass, Maxwell needs a bit of training; you saw that fight on the road. Solas, Ellana – you do you. Leli, I need you to send a few notes out – the ones we discussed earlier that will make us a bit of coin."

"And you and Cullen?" Blake asked.

"Cullen has enough work on his hands with the green recruits. As for me; I have wedding gifts to make and send to Skyhold to be hidden in my chambers until the day. Speaking of – Cullen; you're writing your own Vows?"

"… So is Alistair. Are you?" He asked.

"I am now. I wasn't when I didn't know. Varric let slip in Orlais. Alsoyou invented the blue roses and mace here?"

Blake choked on his drink, "He did?"

"I uh… did… blasted things wouldn't let me rest so I worked on them when I couldn't sleep." Cullen flushed and rubbed his neck.

"Blue roses are my favorite," I said simply and passed him a multi-purpose tool like I'd given Bull.

He instantly began playing with it to discover its features while he said, "I had the notion – the journal, and all…"

"Right – well, we have our assignments and we can get started after lunch." I was relaxed at the moment – we were doing well for now.

Cullen leaned over and kissed my temple. I smiled at him brightly.