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CHAPTER 5

BACK TO THE ROSES


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"Now who do you propose to be the subject?" Uncle Kazu asked Hotaru.

"Subjects, rather." She said. Everyone became tensed. "Don't worry, I made possible arrangements before I come up with this." Then she breathed heavy, and I don't like that. "It should be Natsume and Mikan." She finally said.

"Again!" I shouted in shock upon hearing our names.

"Mikan, you're the only person in this room with the nullifying alice like your father, and Natsume's our only link to the Igarashi family." Hotaru blurted out.

"No way! Why can't someone go back to the time before my mother and her father sealed the stones?" Natsume protested.

"The farther, the more dangerous." Shiki coldly said.

"The nearest is when your grandmother's still alive, three years ago, in Italy. Mikan was there." Hotaru said, but now she's pressing fingers on her temples.

Three years ago? In Italy? The party… with Kaname-senpai as my escort…

"I wasn't there." Natsume said coldly.

"You will be." Hotaru retorted. "You need to be there."

"I really don't think that this is a good idea." He shook his head. I'm getting more numbed. If I will go back to that time, and my memories of today with Natsume is sealed… I'm afraid remembering everything is a hard task to do… especially when Kaname's… there

"Mikan…" Koko called. I turn to look at him, and found his face in the most worried state. "I know this will not be easy but I have confidence in you, or at least, with what you really feel inside your heart." He whispered. I know he heard what's on my head, and he's the only one right now who can try to understand, given that he knows what happened three years ago. "If it's Natsume, it will be him. I'm sorry for being corny but… that love will lead you back to each other…" then he walked away to the farthest corner of the room and sulked.

Alright Koko, you're just so…. OOC, yah know?

But as if everything went blank with what Koko told me, I was numbed in my seat. I'm scared. I'm afraid to go back in there, but I'm afraid too, that everyone will be in danger just because I didn't face that personal fear.

"I will decide for us…" I finally heard Natsume's voice. "We're not going." He firmly said.

I've never seen Hotaru this devastated. She was in between putting up courage while losing it. "Please?" she pleaded this time, eyes on me. On my part, I'm glad she doesn't know how to use that puppy-pleading-eyes or my mood will suddenly change. Maybe I'll burst out laughing first before saying 'yes' to her plans.

"Guys…" I started with my voice trembling. It's not easy to just sit here with those troubled eyes looking at me, add your husband's capital 'N.O.' look and your bestfriend and mother's pleading gazes. "What you all… are asking us is not easy…" I breathed first. "I think we should discuss it first." I eyed Natsume, "I mean… Natsume and I…"

He stood up at once, grabbed my arms and pulled me along with him and then we went out of the room.

His grip was tight but it doesn't hurt, and when he let go of my wrist, we're already on the rooftop. I don't know we got here because everything around me is a blur. I'm absorbed by my thoughts and the fear that comes along with it.

"I don't want us to go." Natsume started talking. "Let's just help them come up with a new idea…"

"I don't want to go to but…"

"Mikan please!" he called at me with such intensity wrapped with fear. It was so transparent in his voice, in his face, in his eyes. "If we go… we will not remember each other. How are we gonna find each other with that, huh?"

"Hotaru will give us clues—"

"You're gonna get it at once? Will even believe?"

"Are you questioning my abilities!" I incredulously ask him. "I know I'm not that smart to grasp things at once. Even in this critical situation, I can't even decide on what to do but at least I'm rational enough to know what's right and think of the good of everyone." I looked down, my eyes are starting to sting with all the thoughts that frighten me, and now it scares me more as we disagree.

"I'm not questioning your abilities—"

"Then what!"

"I can't compromise what we have… I'm scared to let it go." He looked away, as if he's arranging the next words on the sky. "Are you aware that I exist three years ago? And to whom is that heart of yours beating for in those times?"

I hate dramas but now I can't look at him straight in the eyes when it's starting to be watery. "Is it about Kaname?" I asked and he nodded. I looked up at him, putting up a brave face. "Then trust my heart…" I said.

He pulled me into an embrace in the next second, my tears started to fall when I felt his heart beating. There are so many frightening questions in my head too. Like what if I don't remember him? What if I don't believe him? What if I ignore everything because of Kaname? And then… What if doesn't remember, too? Will we ever get back here, with each other?

"I'm sorry for this Natsume…" I whispered but he didn't answer me. "This is the only way out for all of us… and we're the only ones who can do this. I'm sorry…" I sobbed. He pulled me into a tighter embrace.

I'm scared… I don't want to go. I just want to be here with him.

"So were going…" he finally said. I nodded, still my head buried on his chest. I felt him tighten his hold on me for a bit. "Promise me… that you'll remember no matter what. I'm gonna find you, I'll get you back…" he trailed of, his voice was breaking. "I swear…"

"We'll be under the same sky… I can never be too far…" I told him. I can't control my tears now. I'm still holding him but I miss him already. The fear of forgetting him seems to eat all my courage and makes me want to back out, but no matter how I put it, going back is still the right thing to do.

We went back to the Princess' room. There's only my mom, Shiki-san, Uncle, Hotaru, Tsubasa and Tono-senpai, and Aoi-chan.

Hotaru gave me a meaningful look. I smiled at her and looked down. "We're going…" I told them. I felt Natsume's hold on my hand tighten, as if backing off for the last minute.

"I'm sorry that we have to do this." Hotaru said. "But it should be now…" I felt my chest stiffen again but I didn't make a sound. I don't want to inflict more fear and hurt to Natsume. "I will send you back there while Aoi seals some of your present memory. Remembering or trying to remember anything will cause you some headache but you have to surpass that. Also," she paused as she took in some air, "If you remember something, don't say it out loud, or at least don't do anything that will prove your present status. Act as if you're still living in the past but just act."

"How can we convince each other with that!" Natsume asked her. He's obviously tensed.

"If you remember that you two are married, don't tell her in words. The only way you can communicate with each other is by clues, by mutual understanding—"

"Crap!" Natsume snapped, pulling his hair hard. His jaw was clenched hard too.

"The other reason I chose you two is because you have a link that will eventually draw you to each other…" Hotaru said sadly but hopefully. I gave her an inquisitive look. "It's that love…" My heart sank with that.

Hotaru started to move her hands until the wind blew stronger and a hole on the wall starts to be bigger and bigger. "You're bringing your physical state with you, so Natsume, it's safe to use your alice and Mikan, your nullifying power is stable."

"Natsu—" I croaked, scared.

But I stopped when he pulled me to him and kissed me as he wrapped his arms tight around me. He's got tears in his eyes too. "I love you…" he whispered.

My heart breaks every second as the wind blows my hair. I breathed deep, taking in his scent, memorizing it. I embraced him hard, conveying everything that I feel about him. "Find me…" I started to cry. "Get me back… Make me remember everything…" Tears started to fall now. I don't want to go. "Natsume, I love you so much…"

"Please get ready, Aoi…" I heard Hotaru whisper. She gave me a sympathetic but grateful look and an encouraging smile.

I felt him kiss my head, "I'll definitely find you. I'll get you back no matter what…" he said as a tear from his eyes fell on my cheek. "I love you, Mikan…"

His voice started to fade. I tried to catch even the last sound of it but as much as I try, the more it escaped my grasp. His face somehow disappeared from my sight too. "Natsu—" I tried to call, but… I suddenly don't know…

what…

who I was calling…

My chest is heavy. I can't breathe.

My eyes are still crying but I don't know…

what for…

It was all white, so bright. There was suddenly… nothing….

.

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.

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Nothing but roses… white roses.

Where's a red rose?

Now there's something in my head now. I have to pick a red rose. But with all these white roses, my goal of finding a red one starts to drift away. I picked a white rose but it turned into ashes and the same happened to the rest.

"You have to pick a red one…" I heard a voice—a very familiar voice. "Mikan…" he called out again.

This voice… I know this voice…

"Mikan…"

-o-


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Ok, so how was the latest chapters?

Please feel free to send me your reviews, I feel so inspired just by reading them. You're making me so happy.

I'm gonna mention a bunch next time because I'm really so grateful with ya guys. I lav ya all!

Thank you SOOO MUCH!

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