"It's him."
"That's the guy."
"Hm? What're you guys talking about?"
"You don't know?"
"I was sick that day. What happened?"
"Well, it went like this..." one of the teens explained.
"Wow, he called them out like that?"
"Yeah, and everyone at this point knows both parties. It's been a day after all."
"Really? Who are they?"
"Yukinoshita Yukino and some girl named Yuigahama Yui."
"Yuigahama Yui? Are you talking about a hot girl with pink hair?"
"Yeah, that one."
"No wonder everyone in my class was giving her weird looks. She seems like a nice person."
"Too bad all everyone talks about is her irresponsible actions. Nobody wants to hang out with her. Man, Silvers-san is scary."
"He did say that he was petty."
"It was an accident, though."
"So? They could've died."
"That doesn't make it okay to ruin someone's social life."
"What would you do if your best friend was going to be hurt or possibly die, and you barely saved him or her?"
"I...I don't know."
"Honestly, I think it's fitting. I probably would've done worse."
"For real?"
"Of course. I value the people closest to me just like Silvers-san does."
—
Hachiman and Andrew were walking in the hallway, listening. Although the latter didn't care, the former was having middle school flashbacks. He had to keep his hands in his pockets to hide his clenched fists. Then, a head full of pink hair was in his vision, and he saw the target of everyone's gossip.
She was facing the floor with a downcast expression. Her steps, lethargic and heavy, almost like she was dragging them. As she passed by them, Hachiman's eyes lingered on her until she disappeared from view. With a deep breath, he looked to see his best friend blankly stare at him.
"Think we should stop it?" Hachiman asked, feeling sympathy.
"Give it a week."
"Lower it," he requested. "It's already been two days."
"No."
"Dude, you're going too far with her lesson."
Andrew stopped. "Lesson?" He turned to face him. "This is about punishment, Hachiman. And, if this doesn't affect her deeply, she'll be doomed to repeat it."
"She's young. She—"
The red-haired teen's face contorted. "Young? Are we not young too? And I bet you were going to say that she made a mistake." His silence gave him the answer. "Thought so. Here's the thing. Her mistake could've killed you, and we've talked about his before. You mean more to me than any person in this school. It's why I'm making sure that she'll never forget this. That way, another person won't have to see a person they care about get hurt."
Hachiman, who recalled something, sighed resignedly. "...fine."
Andrew held back his own. "I'm sorry for what it's worth. It's just—"
"Your mother. I know."
"Yeah."
They didn't converse for the rest of the way.
—
"We're back!"
"Onii-chan! Andrew! Welcome back!" Komachi hugged her hug buddy.
"I missed you, Komachi." Andrew ruffled her hair. "How was school?"
"Great! Me and Taishi-kun—"
"Taishi-kun and I—"
"—made a third friend to add to our group. She has the second softest hair I've ever felt!"
"That's nice. Also, second softest?"
"Uh-huh." She nodded. "Yours is number one." Komachi ran her hand through his hair with a dreamy expression. "It's like clouds." With a determined gaze, she said, "Tell me your secret. I have to know."
"Good genetics and the local shampoo with conditioner?"
"Okay, maybe it's not the product. Do you have a technique or something?"
"Not that I'm aware of?"
"Then explain what you do. Maybe there's something there."
Andrew paused for a second and then smiled. "Sure." Komachi didn't question the pause. "I first step in the shower and turn on the water. With warmer water, it allows for deeper cleaning, so I fix the temperature.
"A pleasant sensation runs through me as droplets of water become long streams. Clear liquid runs over my skin, instantly moisturizing the skin. I slowly rub myself all over, giving myself a small massage. Once I turn it off, I grab the soap and run it all over me. Starting from the neck, I go down to my chest, making sure my abs are touched. Going further down, I reach a place that will one day produce a miracle."
Nearly the entire time, he held her hand, tracing the steps of his showering process with occasional touches. She was a brilliant shade of red as her hormonal mind attempted to process what she felt. Andrew doubted her classmates had a six-pack.
"I'm cutting in now." Hachiman dragged a red-faced Komachi to her room. "Don't seduce my sister."
"She asked for details, and I provided."
"And my name is Jesus!" he yelled from upstairs.
"Jesus, huh." His eyes widened, and he suddenly grinned. "Jesus-kun. Jesus-san. Jesus-chan. Jesus-sensei. Oh, God. Japanese honorifics are freaking hilarious."
A minute later, Hachiman came down to perceive a dazed Andrew with a huge smile on his face.
"What's funny?"
"Jesus."
"Huh?"
"You think Jesus likes BDSM or Bondage?"
Hachiman left the house.
—
"Come on..." Andrew poked his dark-haired comrade.
No response.
"It's just a joke."
No answer.
"It's an important topic. Everyone knows that Jesus unquestionably has a sex life."
A twitch.
"In the modern world, he would either be a natural playboy or the world's greatest husband. With his powers, charisma, and background, men and women would line up to be with him."
Finger movement.
"Think he cures STDs? So, instead of sharing wine and bread, he cures people during orgies?"
Hachiman was speechless for a while.
"This...is the second time you gave me a traumatizing mental image that I can't unimagine. That's only today."
"Lots more to come, buddy."
Hachiman groaned.
"Don't ignore me, then. You know my thoughts go astray when I don't have my best buddy talking to me."
"Astray?" Hachiman questioned, amazed yet worried. "You need help. You need Jesus."
"Spoken like a true American."
"And therapy. Lots of therapy."
"Been there, done that. I drove that lady insaiyan."
"A Dragon Ball Z pun? Really?"
"Well, if you think about it, humans come from primates, and Saiyans used to be giant apes. Technically, just by living, we humans are making a DBZ pun."
Hachiman turned off the TV. "Good night."
"At least leave the TV on! I was watching that!"
These are important questions! What do you guys think?
