Naruto, already knowing what's to come at this point, tiredly stumbles through the hallway, a nagging ache in his joints. But that isn't what is making his mood so sour, it's the combination of a hangover, joint pains, and a need to shower. But most of all, a talking pink toilet brush will surely strike within the hour. Matter a fact, she'll probably pop up right now, her only real power. As the blonde reached into his pocket to pull out his keys, he reached them to the door, finally doing it with ease. Of course, he was only pretending to try to do it, he knew he had no chance. He put the keys back in his pocket, scowling in advance. He didn't need eyes in the back of his head to know that she was right behind him. Before he turned around to face her, he already looked all but grim.
"Naruto, did you use the bath bombs that I gave you?"
"Actually... Sakura... I've decided to wait for a good time to use them. I don't want to use them right now. I don't know why I would do that."
"But Naruto, they're supposed to help you relax and you obviously seem a little more wound up lately. I don't... I don't know..."
She didn't have a new plan in place yet, her previous victory was still recent. But her improvising skills, while they still needed work, were pretty decent. And Naruto coming home hungover gave her a heavy hand. He couldn't deal with her now; he could barely stand.
"What's with you, Naruto? *gasps* Have you been drinking?"
"Sakura. I'm an adult. That doesn't concern you."
"..."
"Yes, I was drinking. It was New Year's. I was out having fun. What were you doing for New Year's, Sakura?"
"Well, if you must know, Naruto, I bought myself a car with a New Year's Eve discount. I would usually just carpool, Uber, walk, or bus everywhere. But now, I can transport myself places. And I just feel unstoppable, Naruto."
"That's funny, with the way you seem to teleport around these halls and your tendency to haunt the people here like the shameless pale lifeless bloated corpse that you are, I would've never gotten the impression that transportation was an issue." *Glares*
Sakura did have a retort, but she knew not to take the bait. Starting an insult battle with him would not be great. As petty as he tends to call her, he's the one with a stick up his ass. For now, she was gonna have to let that string of insults pass.
"So, tell me... Have you made a New Year's resolution, you know, perhaps a little bit of weight loss during this pandemic?"
"Sakura, I regret to inform you this, but we're not friends... And I'm not even fully sure... if we should be... on speaking terms. Just because you try to bribe people for friendship with insulting bath bombs doesn't mean you could just get away with saying anything. Sakura, you just insinuated that I'm fat and that I should work on that."
"Naruto, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that everyone's looking to lose weight with everything going on."
"I feel comfortable in my own skin, and I'm not sure that I have to change anything, definitely not to please you Sakura. I don't know what you want from me."
"Naruto, all I want is a friend. All I want is a conversation. I know you're adamant about not being friends, but you know, I'll keep trying until we're on good speaking terms."
Honestly, Uniqua was gonna need to chill. Denouncing war like she hasn't gotten her fill. She was demented, she looked like the devil HIMself. If you took out all of her fake bones, you could build a shelf. She was ghastly, flamboyant, and hypocritical at best. Oh, just when will Slowbro here give it a rest?
"I mean, I don't think you hate me. Otherwise, you wouldn't be responding. You know, I don't think we're on such bad terms that we we can't share holidays together, but we live here in this space together and... I don't... I just don't know, Naruto. Oh, sometimes it just feels like *Squints* you're hiding something."
"Sakura. We've been over this. Even if I were hiding something, which I may or may not, it's none of your business. I don't have to hide it from anyone because it's my business and you shouldn't be in it, Sakura. Are you just gonna keep playing the part of the passive-aggressive nosy neighbor?"
She recoiled, the quadruple chin now front and center, she looked on in horror as if she wasn't the tormentor. She could not be serious, she looked like she was about to cry. Obviously, her face remained the same 50 levels of dry.
"Yeah, I said it. You're nosy. How do you feel? How do you feel about that? Got any alligator tears to share with the class? How do you feel that I just called you nosy? How do you feel about that... critique?"
"Well Naruto, I don't think it's a good point. I don't even think it's a critique. I think it's more of a complaint, that no one asked for. I was just attempting to strike conversation. I guess I'll be damned to get, you know, civility out of you. I just look at you sometimes, Naruto, and I just see wasting potential."
"You, of all people, preaching about hearing something unsolicited. You, telling me, that I should be civil. As if some pink haired hag in her 70s only now getting to driving a car has so much potential left to live for."
"You could go so far in this world. I just don't understand what's keeping you here. Why are you here? WHY ARE YOU HERE! Who are you again?"
"Awww, it's super sad that your Alzheimer's is acting up now. Ooooh, poor Sakura."
"..."
While she was struck silent, Naruto weaseled his way in. Getting the hang of quickly opening his door and shutting it again. Watching him get behind the door, Sakura wasn't even gonna bother. Naruto already looked like somebody's lost alcoholic father.
"Stop bothering me."
*SHLAM!*
Meh...
This little skirmish was the least climactic yet. For once, she felt like she wasted time and had just a little regret.
It was still incredibly encouraging to note that he didn't even lock the door. This time around, history will see Naruto as the petty bore.
It doesn't count as a victory though, at least not to her. No emotional scarring, no answers, this wasn't over.
Sakura, of course, wasn't giving up; she had expectations to be met.
Naruto Uzumaki, what is your secret?
