I'm sorry that I'm late again. In all fairness though, this was never even intended to be a chapter. I just decided to make one in honor of my gay friend Israel(don't even ask) cause St. Patrick's Day is also his birthday. I also wanted to see how fast I could create a full length chapter. And I gotta say, this could've been out sooner, had I not starting drinking with Israel, and our entire friend group. I don't know. Regardless, take joy in the fact that that I have 3 chapters lined up for the next week. Fingers crossed that I'll make it happen this time. And I have three other chapters in my mind for directly after that. So I'm really just going all in until the beginning of April, then finals, final projects, and anything else is gonna start weighing me down. So enjoy consistent uploads while you can. Thank you guys for the reviews thus far. Hope to see alot more.

Oh, and one other note. The next 10 chapters will be implementing a new tool for this story I'd like to call the argument/interrupting. And you better believe, if it lands and works the way I hope it does, that I will continue using it, ALOT!

Onto the story.


After a long break from last time, we come back with full force. A lot of green decorations, and we all know the source. He was here not 30 minutes ago and said goodbye to blank walls. Was he insane seeing ribbons, leprechauns, and green painted halls? We all know what today is, she does love to annoy. Is this what she wasted her stimulus on? What's the con? What's this new ploy? Well she's not in the hallway this time, so she's bound to make an entrance. Probably a terrible green jail ward to dull out his sentence. No use pondering; let's just get this over with. He's got to admit though, this seems like a place of myth.

"..."

He walked down the hall, there were green strobe lights. Sakura really went in, she must be filled with delight. And there's that familiar anguish that comes with anticipation. And now for the main event. Naruto's frequent castration.

"..."

Naruto has made it to his door, bracing himself for an untimely demise. But the pink haired dump truck hasn't appeared in front of him, to his surprise. The amount of times she had spawned from literally nowhere, he waited a few more seconds for Sakura to come and waste good air. She has yet to arrive, but the boy was still skeptical. Out of all things, he'll give her credit; her timing is impeccable. A chance to go in early, and avoid her nonsense spectacle? He's gonna wait about 7 seconds before he leaves the green receptacle.

"...?"

Still nothing? Oh well, he thinks he's been very sensible. The number of other things to waste his time with... plentiful. As he gets out his keys, he hears the rhythmic pounding of two heels. Ugh, finally, we get to see what the big deal... ... ... is... damnit!

He tries to turn around before she could make her entrance, but the door was already opened, much to Naruto's resentment. With massive green claws and flat orange hair. This, by far, is Sakura's most intimidating snare. Those penny pinchers of hers could tear anyone apart, and the height of those heels are not for the faint of heart. He realized he'd been gawking, and Sakura hasn't even blinked once. This costume was fully realized, she wasn't a complete dunce. Her stare, her evil grin, and the silence impregnable. "Oh, whatever will I do?" Pondered the one-dimensional homosexual.

"Haaaaaa Haaaaaa! I knew it! I knew it the whoooole tiiiiime!"

"What the hell are you talking about Sakura!? You're freaking me out!"

"Oh Naruto, you're not SCARED of me. ARE YOU!"

As Sakura said that last part, she raised her claws to her face. Her impressive propensity for true horror design showcased. But he's not gonna get knocked down. He didn't have to sit in wait. It was time to rebuild and set this dynamic straight.

"It's real kind of you to think Naruto can do anything STRAIGHT, this isn't gonna be his night though."

"ARE YOU INSANE?"

"You don't have to yell, you know."

"I can yell as I damn well please! And while we're on the topic of doing unacceptable shit, did you do all of this?" *gestures to entire hall*

"I have no idea what you're talking about, these are the same walls we're always greeted with."

"?"

"..."

Just then, the boombox sitting next to Sakura started playing Green Light by Lorde. Maybe he WAS the crazy one, that was not sitting there before. And it got progressively louder; this was cruel and unusual torture. Sakura was on fire, and this scheme was a scorcher.

"UUUUGGHHH TURN IT OFFFFFFF! PLEEEEEAASSSSSSE"

~I'm waitin for it~

~That Green Light!~

~I WANT IT~

We've now come to the point that Naruto flat out gives up. He's throwing in the towel; it was far too much. But as he turned around, and reached for his keys, Sakura had finally paused the song; Naruto finally feeling at ease..

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You know what!"

"I surely don't."

"You surely do."

"Oh really? Are you gonna be this childish about everything?"

"Are you gonna tell me why, you went in, SO GODDAMN HARD, on Saint Patrick's Day."

"What do you- Oh OOOOOHH, you mean this old thing?" *Pulls on green ruffle of skirt*

*Sighs* "...Sakura, I don't have the energy for this. Are you gonna tell me, or are you gonna waste time playing stupid games?"

"Alright, Alright. Geez. The answer is quite simple actually."

"...?"

"I've been put on the Saint Paddy's Day committee!"

"...Shut up."

"And my task, is to act out one mission, on today of all days."

"?"

"..."

Naruto is worried about opening Pandora's box. And we ALL remember that last batch of smelly gift rocks. And that was supposed to be a gift, and he knows this is just a curse. Could standing here talking to her possibly take a turn for the worse?

"Do you wanna know?"

"Not completely sure, to be honest"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Fine! What's your made up job?"

"I've been called to enact green police policy."

*Eyes widen in horror* "Oh please god no!"

"Yes, and I think you know what's gonna happen next." *Raises pincers*

Naruto's completely fucked; let's just all be honest. He looked down one time, entirely astonished. No green in sight, how could he not see this coming? It was time to execute emergency plan SR... START RUNNING!

"! ! !"

"Ooohhh no you don't! C'MERE!"

Naruto tried to escape her big meaty claws and failed. Sakura stopped him dead in his tracks, and his everything had paled. She begun her barrage, her pincers heat seeking missiles. Her first targets obvious, she aimed them at his nipples. A different, more painful form of a titty twister, he tried to kick her off him but failed to resist her. She then started to pinch everywhere on his body. It was like she was tearing him bit by bit like a starving zombie.

"Heh heh-heh I gotcha, gotcha."

"Sakura, please stop this, this is incredibly painful! Please!"

"I can't heeear yoooooouu, ooooooooooohhhh!"

"Sakura please!"

- - - - - "Neh-Neh Neh, yoink!"

"I can't get up... ...I think I'm bleeding out!"

- - - - - -"Gotcha heh-heh I'm pinchin' ya!"

"SOMEONE HELP ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

- - - - - - - -"Pinchin ya, neh-neh NEH-pinch! PINCH! PINCH!"

Because of his loud screaming, Sakura finally stopped pinching. To Naruto, this was an unnecessary breach of space and painful lynching. His vision was hazy, he used to think he had good pain tolerance. But after all that, Naruto is left on the ground, completely exhausted.

"WHHHHYYYYY? WHYYYYYYY?"

"Oh, cry me a river, drama queen!"

"UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!"

"You hurt my hands a little when you kicked the one box out of my... hands! This makes us even!"

"You mean the box that you put my phone in? The phone that is now smashed due to your antics? The scheme of yours that cost me $1,000?"

"Yeah, that one."

It seems Valentine's day is still a sore point for these two. But in this world, their annoyance is nothing new. Sakura took the cake this time, admittedly this battle was pretty gruesome. And the powerplay continues between the estranged twosome.

"You don't even wanna know what I'll do to you if I find you wearing white after Labor Day."

"I WILL HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR THIS!"

But we know he won't, what she did was technically legal. Going out on St. Patrick's Day and pinching other people. Still, it's pretty obvious that this was straight up evil. But he's not gonna say anymore; those damn claws are lethal.

As Sakura went back into her room, she closed the door* on the devastation of Naruto, leaving his carcass on the floor.

This was a lot to handle, he couldn't even get back on his feet. Maybe being friends with this girl is an impossible standard to meet.


WEEEEEELLLLL? Whadya think eeeehh? Part of the reason this was late, a big part of the reason any of them have been, are, and will continue to be late is the nonsensical rhyming. Part of me truly feels like it's integral to this story, and creates an air that's different from other stories, but it's semi difficult. It's fun for sure. But it definitely takes awhile because of that. Having said that, I made sure, even if I never intended to create any chapter, let alone this one, and post it before the 20th, I tried to jam pack it full of of the nonsense poetry. I've been slacking on doing it. And it admittedly is, the one big effort that I give to the stories. So yeah.

Side note, I took a long break enough break from posting chapters at all, and have done nothing with it. So While I do have some stuff lined up, because, RHYMING IS HARD OKAY?!

Other Side Note, Sakura's outfit was supposed to be a Saint Patrick's Day themed version of HIM's outfit from the powerpuff girls. I sure as hell don't know how to make art of it, but I just thought that was a fun choice. Review, lemme know what you guys think. Thank you guys for reading.