I love watching fireworks. I am fascinated with how they light up and shatter glitters across the dark skies. But most of all, I love the feeling… of anticipating something beautiful after you've heard the loud thud of the explosion, and of how it syncs with your heartbeat and how your eyes will open itself wide to take in the beauty.

This feels like watching fireworks.

Except that my eyes are closed. And with every beat of my heart, my lips would part to receive him… and every memory that comes with it. And with every memory of how our lips touched before, I can feel an unexplainable longing within me.

I can see it. I can feel it. His soft lips are so familiar, it feels like I've known it all this time. His breath… the taste of… this kiss.

Both of us let go, I'm not sure how long are we making out though it felt like I've run a marathon because I'm badly panting, and I can't make out of anything except his face.

"Wow." A voice just popped. That's when I remembered that we're in a public place. My ears adjusted to the music, little by little, along with the screams and chatter around me. My eyes can see the moving lights, and I can now smell alcohol and smoke.

Shit. I made out with Hyuuga in public. I turned to look at the person whose figure is standing just behind Reddie's back. His face is familiar, especially his hair which is a bright shade of mahogany.

Natsume was still looking at me, but the annoyance on his face was apparent though I'm quite sure that it's not for me. He then distanced his body away from me, still with one hand resting on the marble bar where I'm leaning as if caging me from the new guy.

"Hello, Reo." Reddie greeted him coldly. That's right, Reo Mouri. Actor, celebrity, singer, model, womanizer and a certified asshole. I didn't say a word. I know I would still croak after tangling my tongue with Natsume. I know that sounded bad, and I feel really ashamed right now, but since it's my monologue, I'm not gonna lie.

I… Jeez.

I… liked it.

And that's the problem. I've been saving that first kiss for my husband-to-be and I just gave it away just like that! And I liked it! I freakin' liked it! And shamefully, I even feel a little proud that it wasn't just a kiss!

It was a French Kiss! And I did it publicly!

Part of me would want to sulk and is trying to imagine doing the walk of shame in the morning, exaggerating. And the other part want to join the party animals on the dance floor to represent whatever country which was just recently liberated from colonization.

"Not that I care about how long you two would want to… hmmmm…" he took a swig of his beer and eyed us both with obvious malice and then he smiled with so much amusement.

Natsume smirked at him. "Took us some minutes, huh?"

"'Some!?'" Reo mimicked. "Darn, you too. 'some' is not even a valid word for that."

I rolled my eyes. "At least, it did not last for an hour, right?" I finally said. Prouder of myself for not croaking.

I turned away and faced the bar and gestured for the bartender for a drink. I decided to go straight tonight so I ordered another vodka lemonade. If I have to be a slut tonight, I need to at least back myself out with alcohol.

Reo giggled. "I'm not sure if I can wait if you're planning to do that for an hour, but shit guys, foreplay is not supposed to take that long!"

I took my vodka and immediately faced him. Natsume was about to open his mouth but I beat him on it. "Reo." I started, my teeth are gritted. "Can you please dismiss the thought that we're going to hook up!?"

"You're not!?" He said, rather surprised. A smirk is playing across his face. "Jesus, if I am Natsume Hyuuga, I will definitely find a bed right now!"

Natsume raised his bloody mad eyes at him. Reo met his gaze with a cool whistle from the cold lips of the beer bottle. "I would be very pleased to burn your throat right now and make you miserable for all your life…" Reddie said without any hint of humor. I just don't know what ticked him - the fact the Reo tried to made a silly kind of compliment about how hot I am tonight or he's just disgusted on the thought of hooking up with me.

Yeah, as if that'll happen.

"Ohhh… That's not a very good idea my friend." Reo casually tapped Natsume's shoulder and smiled. "We need this amazing voice tonight. You see," he frowned and pointed the beer towards my direction. I took a sip of vodka and raised an eyebrow at him. "I was blackmailed by your bestfriend to help out. But, I'm not planning to stay for long so, yeah… How about we hurry up?" then he reached for my ears and turned the earpiece on.

"Finally!" I can hear Kaname's voice. Oh my God. Guilt is flooding through me. I feel really bad.

Bad as in it feels like I cheated. Except that, I don't have the right to think that I cheated. That's the other version of "except that I don't have the right to be jealous…" Right? Which is something that I'm hoping he's thinking right now.

"Please, can you warn us next time if you need some private moment?" Konan said. Her voice suddenly made me gulp the vodka until I finished it.

"Sure." I said, heaving an 'I-feel-I'm-tipsy-but-I'm-not-gonna-say-it" breathe, except that Reddie recognized it and took the glass from me and placed it on the bar, with a glare.

"How long can you manage to distract everyone?" Reddie asked.

"Three songs. There are other celebrities here to show off." Reo answered. This time, he's serious.

"Approximately fifteen minutes." I said. "Will that suffice?"

"I don't know. But you'll have to be fast. The moment I adjust my earring, make sure that you extend your nullification to Natsume."

I nodded and looked at Natsume.

"And please don't break the amorous atmosphere…" Konan added.

"Sure…" Natsume gave me a meaningful look. And I honestly don't know what to do about it now. I'm torn between shame-and-guilt-for-actually-nothing and wanting more.

I literally wanna slap myself.

"…Who would thought this amazing guy will join us tonight!? Ladies and gentlemen! Let's welcome Mr. Reo Mouri with a round of applause!" the host announced.

Reo gave us one meaningful look. "It's Showtime." He said, then he left feeling the crowd around him. The moment he jumped onstage and grabbed the mic, Natsume grabbed my hand and I felt the electricity ran through my arms, to my whole body. I have to breathe really deep to concentrate and share my nullification.

"Let me stand on your shoulders

So that I can see the giants back home

I've been hanging off the roof of our van

And my fingers start to roam…"

Reo kept the beat, his hypnotic voice influencing all audience. I grabbed Natsume towards the stairs. He kept his hands at the base of my back and followed along. We turned left and hurried to the fourth room.

"A person's roaming around! 10 seconds." Konan blurted on the speaker.

"So don't buy this quick release

To sell your limbs

They only want your legs,

When you're the one

That is still standing up"

"Fifty-third CCTV disabled." Hotaru announced.

"Four seconds. Distract him." Kaname said.

Reddie grabbed me against the wall and placed his lips again on mine. I know I am to protest but my body got ahead of my brain. One of my hand even grabbed his neck, the other rested on his chest. I can feel his heart and its loud beating. One of his arms caged me against the wall while the other is on my waist, moving to my back so he can pull me towards him. I can feel something igniting inside me and I can't even water it down. Every nibble on my lips would remind me of a night, of the same kiss, of his touch.

"Jesus, you guys are literally inches away from a room! Go get one!" the guy said, smirking at us.

"That's the plan…" Konan said amusingly. I can hear her chuckling darkly.

I feigned a smile and looked at the guy while Reddie pulled his mouth from mine and rested his forehead on mine. It was just then that I felt the tightening of my ring. He remembered something. And he's forcing his memories out again.

"We will…" I told the guy.

"Great! Have fun!" then he walked away.

"Which room?" Natsume asked. I noticed that his voice is husky.

"On your right." Konan said. We rushed to the door and Natsume started to pick the lock while I looked out.

"How are the cameras?" Kaname asked. Finally, the door was open and we immediately went in.

"Five down, two to go…" Hotaru answered.

"So they're still live?" Konan asked, this time, she's a bit serious and tensed than how she sounded a while ago.

The room was still dark but I saw the lampshade before Reddie closed the door. I rushed to it so it can cast some light on us.

"Yes." Hotaru said. "You have to continue making out."

"Seriously!?" I hissed.

"For my second song!" I can hear Reo's voice on the earpiece. He's obviously making us aware of how he's going.

"Where's the notebook!?" Natsume asked he's looking at me darkly. It wasn't a scary kind of stare but it send shivers through my spine.

"My demons are begging me to open up my mouth

I need them mechanically make the words come out

They fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce

Ignite me, licking at the flames they bring about"

I have to speak to distract myself. I don't feel like myself tonight, and I'm scared that I know what his look means. I'm scared that those bits of memories that I can still see when I close my eyes would take hold of me and hostage my sanity. I'm scared that I will not be able to hold myself down and grab him… and kiss him… as passionately as I can remember.

"I sold my soul to a three-piece

And he told me I was holy

He's got me down on both knees

But it's the devil that's tryna"

"It's on the bedside drawer." Konan said.

"Are we still live?" I asked, my voice broke.

"Unfortunately, yes." Hotaru said. "I'm still trying… but you have to do something, you're being recorded!"

"Hold me down, hold me down

Sneaking out the back door,

Make no sound

Knock me out, knock me out

Saying that I want more, this is what I live for"

"Two adults inside a dark room. You're not thinking of playing rock-paper-scissors, aren't you?" Konan blurted.

"No…" I said through gritted teeth, then I looked up at Natsume. It's obvious that he's also hesitating. Most part of me is glad that there's respect but the rest felt frustrated. But I just can't stand here even if I don't know how people "hook up".

God, can heaven please guide Hotaru so we can bring the cameras down.

"We don't have much of a choice…" he whispered.

"I sold my soul to a three-piece

And he told me I was holy

He's got me down on both knees

But it's the devil that's tryna

Hold me down, hold me down

Sneaking out the back door,

Make no sound

Knock me out, knock me out

Saying that I want more, this is what I live for"

"I know…" I exhaled and surprisingly, both of us came forward at the same time and just did what has to be done. We literally met halfway.

I don't have time to cringe about what the cameras around us would capture, or what I think about myself. This time, he pulled me closer. He gently put his lips on mine, starting softly, gently. He nibbled my lips and caressed my cheeks, down to my neck. It was as if I knew what to do that I found my lips parting, making way for his tongue. He was careful but graceful. I was weird how familiar and comfortable I feel about this whole thing. The weirdest part though is that I know how to kiss.

When we were younger, Permy would literally do the kiss-and-tell after her dates and she would describe each guy based on how they French kissed her. There was a guy who she referred to as a "ballerina", another whom she called "skillful", "very legal", "formal", and the worst was "rascal" – that guy who had his spit all over his mouth after the kiss. I still shudder every time I remember it.

I don't know how to rate or name Natsume's kissing skills. In can't even concentrate and tell if what I'm hearing are fireworks or my heartbeat. Seriously, I don't even know what I'm doing. When I got some of my senses back, all I can smell is his scent, all I can feel is his fingers running through my bare back, and all I can hear is our ragged breathing and Reo's voice in the background as he shifts to sing his last song.

"Settle down with me

Cover me up

Cuddle me in

Lie down with me

And hold me in your arms"

Natsume stopped kissing me and blew light kisses on my cheeks to my ears. "Trust me on this…" he whispered.

I smiled inwardly, half amused that we still got our goals clear even if what we're doing is a blur from the actual plan. We all know that I don't have much of a choice right?

"Okay…" I whispered back. Then he inched away for a little to look at me, his eyes are warm and sincere. There's a hint of an apologetic stare but before I can be certain about it, he kissed me again and lifted me without any effort so my back is on the bed. My breathing became more irregular from guessing what he's about to do.

"And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet

And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now"

Now I regret about not insisting on having concrete plans before even executing this mission tonight. One thing I realize is I can get myself "de-virgin-ized" from going into some troublesome stealing blues without further thoughts.

"Another one down. One more to go…" Hotaru announced.

"We only have three minutes…" Konan followed-up.

I then felt m body being pushed down to the bed. Oh shit.

My eyes widened. "No—" I was about to protest but he covered my mouth with his.

"Just trust me…" he said when he pulled away. brushing his lips softly over my ears, "I'm not going to hurt you, just trust me." Then he covered my lips again.

"Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

This feels like falling in love

Falling in love

We're falling in love"

Now I can't protest. When I felt his lips, when I realized that I can feel his tongue, all thoughts left me. My head was soon filled with flashbacks of two people in a dark room.

*"I'm taking back that kiss…" He said when he looked up and our eyes met.

When I opened my eyes, I can saw the same eyes which I can see when my eyes are closed. When I closed my eyes again, I can see the same thing. Worse, I can feel the very feeling right at this moment

*I felt his lips tracing his hands on my cheeks, on my jaw, on my neck. And I can feel his soft hair as I brush it with my hands.

"Settle down with me

And I'll be your safety

You'll be my lady

I was made to keep your body warm

But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms"

I felt every inch me of me shivering as he traces his fingertips on the skin over the slit of my dress. His other hand crawled to my back and unzip the dress to my surprise.

"Yeah I've been feeling everything

From hate to love

From love to lust

From lust to truth

I guess that's how I know you

So I hold you close to help you give it up"

My eyes automatically opened but he whispered to me before I can even let out a word.

"I got it."

I closed my eyes in relief and exhaled when I realized that he's placing the soft pile of papers at my back and zips the dress back on. When I opened my eyes again, he's still on top of me, his face, inches from mine with his soft gaze.

I know I should be really mad right now but I am looking into someone's eyes and I can feel every unique feeling that I'm sure I've felt before. It's something akin to coming home. I don't know how I really feel but I realized that I allowed all of this to happen because deep inside, I really trust him. And I'm starting to believe that it's more than trust.

One thing that I have never seen myself doing is grabbing a man and surrender a kiss to him… a passionate one. A kiss that would let him know how much I trust him, even if that means that I'm somehow ready to entrust my life to him. I've sworn to myself that I will only give this kiss to the guy that I will marry, and yet even if I can't bring myself to believe how my future will turn out amidst all the clues around me, I am giving my first kiss – one without any hesitation, one which I am sure I want to give – to Natsume Hyuuga.

Yes, I kissed him again.

"Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

This feels like falling in love

Falling in love

We're falling in love"


*GOING UNDER II – Chapter 1 (Collide)

Credits to the following songs:

Frivolous Life by YesYou

Hold Me Down by Halsey

Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran

Thanks for reading everyone!