"How about Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor?"

To someone who doesn't know any better, Sakura, Ino, Hinata, and Tenten are just a group of ordinary civilian girls chatting over tea. A closer look would prove them to be anything but — a sort of disciplined poise, calloused hands, sleek muscle, deadly grace.

It's not every day that the four highly-accomplished kunoichi are able to get together, go out, and act like normal, regular young women. Young women who don't engage in assassinations, spycraft, contract killings, honeypot seductions, emergency medical treatment, VIP protection, and homeland security on a regular basis.

Today is one such day, and they take advantage of it in one of their favorite cafés. Placed in front of each girl is a dainty, flowered porcelain teacup, with a matching plate filled with pastries and canapés from the multi-layered tower of snacks that sits in the middle of their table.

Sakura and Tenten launch into a spirited debate, both with a teammate worthy of the title, food and drink temporarily forgotten.

"Sasuke-kun is tall, dark, and handsome."

"Neji is also tall, dark, and handsome."

"May I remind both of you that they are pale and not dark at all," Ino interrupted.

"Sai is, like, five foundation shades paler, Pig," Sakura protested.

"Oh, you know what we mean, Ino-chan." Tenten's grin borders on naughty. "Dark as in that hot, mysterious thing they got going on."

Hinata is a little nauseous at the idea of anyone thinking of her cousin in that way.

Ino looks thoughtful. "Kakashi-sensei could give them a run for their money."

Now it's Sakura's turn to look nauseous.

Ino chuckles. "Shika's hot, but I concede that he's not classically handsome, you know? Not the bishounen type. But if we're debating Konoha's Smartest Bachelor I have you all beat." She crosses her arms and decides to referee this round.

Tenten turns back to Sakura and the naughty grin turns positively salacious.

"Neji has that deep, smooth, bedroom voice."

"Sasuke-kun has a deep, rough voice."

"Neji can see all the pleasure centers in the chakra network."

"Sasuke-kun can do unspeakable things with genjutsu."

"Neji has a big—"

"Somebody please put a stop to this," Hinata implores, while Ino leans forward with keen interest.

Sakura has a response to that if Tenten was going there, but takes pity on Hinata and moves to less scandalous ground.

"Sasuke-kun comes from a very old, very famous clan."

"Neji also comes from a very old, very famous clan."

"Sasuke-kun has the Sharingan."

"Neji has the Byakugan."

"Sasuke-kun was the top-ranked student the year we graduated."

"Neji was the top-ranked student in our year."

"Sasuke-kun has that angry, brooding vibe that's totally sexy."

"Neji has that haughty, aloof vibe. Also sexy."

"Sasuke-kun looks like an avenging angel."

"Neji looks like a marble statue in a museum."

Tenten narrows her eyes, thinking of what Neji has over Sasuke.

It hits her suddenly, and it's so obvious she can't help the triumphant smile splitting her face.

She looks slyly at Sakura and deals the winning blow.

"Neji has better hair. He's like a walking shampoo commercial. He has the prettiest hair among all the men and women of Konoha."

"I resent that," Ino sniffs.

Sakura opens her mouth for a rebuttal, then closes it. "You got me there, Tenten-chan," she laughs good-naturedly. "Sasuke-kun's hair sticks up at the back. Doesn't know what a brush is, just runs his fingers through."

"Can confirm," Hinata chimes in, giggling. "Neji-niisan has the best hair in the clan." The other three gape at her — that's saying something, as members of the Hyuuga clan are famous for both the Byakugan and their long, beautiful, flowing hair. "All the Hyuuga girls hate him for it, especially Hanabi."

The girls laugh. The question is settled.

"How about Most Charming Smile?"

Hinata eyes all of them and lifts her chin. "Naruto, of course. Fight me."