The bachelor party would be full of unspeakable debauchery.
Needless to say, when they pulled up at the alien planet and began wandering through questionable alleyways; Bird Person and Squanchy were on edge.
When she forcefully tossed, the blindfolded Rick into a dumpster of foul-smelling offal; they were speechless. Yet when she managed to coerce them into following after him; they were pleasantly surprised.
Moby the Dick was the absolute master of concealing his night clubs.
Rick spent a good half hour cackling like a child as they were catered to, like royalty. Platters of the finest food and beverages were laid out before them in the dimly-lit rooms. Things would react with a cascade of glowing light, at the slightest physical touch. The room was alive with dancing colours as the strippers were bought out to entertain them.
The drug platter was the crème de la crème; the assortment was from Myra's personal array. Moby, the little toad-like alien spent the entire time cackling alongside them; ensuring that their time was spent with complete joy.
"Ah Myra!" Moby was cackling through a huge huff of glowing dust, "When you said that I owe you- I thought you were going to cash in on a bigger favour!" he grinned, briefly turning to watch Rick who was getting a lap dance from multiple aliens.
He was grinning- high as a kite and watching as the stripper's started to paint each other with glowing body paint.
"Sanchez is one of a kind." Myra snorted, rubbing some dust from beneath her nose, "Fucking greatest guy you will ever meet!" she grinned intoxicatedly, "Not to mention the smartest mother-fucker you'll ever have the privilege of sucking up to." She motioned accusingly, "Why would that not be the favour I called in for?"
"Seems rather tame, considering the lengths to which I owe you." Moby said sternly, his long tongue suddenly flickering out to wipe his unblinking eyes. "Speaking of which…The Federation." He started murmuring in a hushed tone.
"Shh." Myra frowned, leaning forward to place her hand over his mouth, "Not tonight; let Sanchez be blissfully unaware of the shitstorm I have bought upon myself." She whispered, "He doesn't need to know… especially not tonight." She leant forward to whisper in his earflap, "If you still think you owe me; I'll cash it in for your discretion."
"Kinky." Rick had suddenly stumbled towards them, he flopped down in the booth seat beside Myra, his pupils extremely dilated. "Careful with t-this one; s-she's a biter."
There was silence and Rick stared at them judgementally, "D-did I interrupt something?" He asked, somewhat testily.
"Moby kindly offered me a job, which I am considering." Myra shrugged her shoulders, lifting up a vial of Bolin Tears; one of her most potent tripping concoctions.
Rick raised his eyebrows, clearly not believing her and went to say as much, when she suddenly jumped.
The vibrating from the communication device in her pocket had startled her; she stared at the screen, trying to focus "I need to take this….Moby quiet room?" She frowned, glancing at the creature in urgency.
Moby gestured to a back corner, where a small touch pad was on the wall, "let it retina scan you- it will let you right in."
She inclined her head gratefully and swiftly made her way over. She let the pad scan her eyes and stepped inside the darkness as the door whooshed open.
She flicked the communication device, once the door was securely closed behind her, "Hello, Mrs Sanchez?" She said, trying her best to sound sober.
"It's Rod." Rick's father's voice boomed, "Is it true? Is our boy marrying that girl?" he sounded despondent.
"Rick is marrying Diane." Myra confirmed in a level tone.
"Did he get her pregnant or something?" Rod's tone was stern, "Is that why? It's the only thing that makes sense to Bev and I…"
Myra winced, as though the mere mention pained her, "You should talk to…"
"You don't think we've tried talking to Rick, over these years?" Rod frowned, "Ever since you two… well…" he sighed, "The only way we find out anything about our boy is by talking to you. He never calls, never takes our calls… never visits…" He sounded irritable, "Then we find out through some science-mumbo jumbo screen thing that he's marrying Diane…"
Myra sighed, and sat down on the floor, "Yes… it was sudden." She breathed, "How's Beverly?"
There was a brief moment of silence, before Rod seemed to be sucking air in through his teeth, "She's not good." He murmured, "Docs aren't exactly sure what's wrong anymore…"
Myra felt a job of emotion, "Can I tell Rick?"
"No. If that boy wants to know what's going on… he can talk to us." Rod muttered.
"He did reach out, in his own way… by sending you the invite?" It sounded more like a question than a statement.
Rod sighed, "I guess…" He frowned.
There was a brief pause, before Myra asked, "Can I speak to Beverly?"
"She's a little tired, but I can't see why not." Rod seemed to perk up slightly.
There was a rustling as he handed the phone to his wife, "Hello?" She definitely sounded tired.
"Hey Mrs Sanchez!" Myra grinned, feeling tears in her eyes, "How is my favourite mother doing?"
"Oh I'm much better than I was yesterday." Beverly's smile was audible, "How are you, Myra? Are you happy? Eating enough? Any men in your life you want to tell me about?" She chuckled weakly.
Myra smiled into the device, feeling tears welling in her eyes, "I think we both know that's an impractical use of my time." She laughed, "I'll come visit you guys this weekend; I think face-to-face is so much more worthwhile than over the phone…" She said, wiping away her tears.
Beverly smiled again, "We'd love that, Myra."
She lost track of time as The Sanchez' updated her on neighbourhood squabbles, and idle gossip. They were the closest thing she had to loving family; any time she spent speaking with them was joyous, despite Beverly's health concerns.
They ended the phone call, with Myra promising once again to visit over the weekend.
Myra let outa sigh and stepped through the silent-room's doors. The party was still in full-swing, though Rick was sitting where she had left him; looking extra surly. His arms were folded tightly across his chest and he was slouched, glaring at the strippers who were trying to tempt him into smiling.
Moby was looking frantic; dismayed that he was not entertaining Rick.
Myra approached and Rick straightened up, "Took y-your sweet-ass time there, Morty." He muttered bitterly, "M-my bachelor party a-and m-my best man goes AWOL."
Myra threw something at him; it was a pair of handcuffs, "Put them on and shut your mouth." She forced a smirk, briefly looking at Bird Person and Squanchy, who were tripping out of their minds, writing on the floor and laughing.
Rick stared at her, "Handcuffs?"
"You'll need to be restrained for this next part." Myra nodded, "Resistance is futile and all of that."
Rick smirked, "Fine b-but this is t-the last time I am going to trust you!" He grinned.
One of the strippers locked the cuffs into place and Myra motioned to Moby with a nod, and another tray was pulled out from beneath the table. A pair of thick goggles, which were shimmering with active luminescence.
"These will allow you to live your wildest dreams and fantasies, as if they were reality. Any of your deepest, darkest and most repressed desires. You will get to experience them, at once." Moby motioned to a waitress in the corner, "Bring forth the diaper."
"Diaper?!" Rick said, his eyes wide.
"Sanchez… You're wildest fantasies. I'd be surprised if you didn't need a change of pants." Myra grinned.
The chair Rick was sitting in suddenly secured his legs into place and Moby began to lower the goggles over his head, "Now you may feel a slight tingling sensation…"
"Last time I a-am ever going to trust you, Morty!." Rick grinned at her as the device was lowered over his face.
Moby flicked a switch on the side of the goggles and Rick started giggling and writhing in strained motions against the chair. He was practically foaming at the mouth from enjoyment as Myra turned her gaze away, her mind elsewhere.
Beverly had been unwell for a while now; the fact she had been sworn into secrecy had been quite the weighted burden on Myra's conscious.
She knew, although they had not expressed in explicit terms, that her mother-figure was dying.
They had refused any offer of assistance, or medical examination from Myra; they didn't want any "weird" interference; and they especially didn't want Rick catching wind of anything. That fact alone was enough to send Myra's head spinning; Rick's refusal to hold a conversation with his parents, since they had ended their physical relationship.
Myra found herself letting out an exasperated sigh and pinching the bride of her nose in frustration, her hands busily snatching up another cocktail as a waitress walked past with a tray.
"Is something the matter?" Bird Person asked, suddenly appearing beside her, "Your face looks quite sombre."
"Its just a human thing." Myra said, shrugging her shoulders in an effort to shake her mood, "I don't think you would understand, Pers."
"Ah, it is this fabled thing called 'menstruation', then?" Bird Person inclined his head in a nodding motion, "Your species is quite gross."
Myra chuckled, "You're not wrong." She muttered in agreement, her eyes wandering to Rick as Moby lifted the goggles from his head.
"Holy shit." Rick was sweating profusely, "Holy, mother-fucking shit!" he was grinning wildly, his eyes scanning the room, "T-that was some next-level bullshit, Morty!" He cackled.
"Only the best for the groom!" Myra snickered, raising her glass.
A waitress walked by with another tray of drinks and Rick snatched one up eagerly, "Here's to the fucking wedding!" He sneered, raising it high in the air, "And being a mother-fucking-dad!"
They all clinked their glasses together, the sound, almost ominous to Myra, sent a shiver down her spine.
She didn't drink anything for the remainder of the evening, deciding that she would see them all safely home. Bird Person and Squanchy were out for the count earlier than Rick, so she simply opened a portal to their home-world and tossed them through.
Rick Sanchez, on the other hand, had a heinous tolerance for all of the shit she had thrown at him all night. His liver would no doubt curse her for all eternity.
"You should call it a night, Sanchez." Myra said wearily, her eyes wandering to the time on the portal gun's screen, "It'll be daybreak on Earth soon." She glanced around, "No-one here can keep up with you; what are you trying to prove?"
"I-I-I don't have to prove shit to nobody." Rick muttered surly, swaying on the spot in the booth. "I can level this entire place, i-i-in the blink of an eye, Morty…a-a-and I'd sleep like a fucking baby afterwards."
Ah, so it was the baby thing on his mind. Of course.
"You sploodge, you lose, dinghole." Myra frowned at him, "You wanted to play jizz roulette; you have to deal with the consequences, mister." She pointed her finger at him, "Besides we both know you'll be the fucking coolest dad." She smirked at him, "Imagine all the presents you can make the kid! Literally anything!"
Rick seemed to be visibly mulling the thought over, before a crooked smirk curved his mouth, "I-I never thought about that…" He glimpsed up at her, his gaze unfocused, "All the experiments!"
Myra held up her hands, "Don't experiment on your baby, Sanchez."
"I-I'm going to do it." Rick said, almost as a declaration, standing on his feet and wobbling, "I-I'm going to fucking turn that kid into a machine!"
Myra frowned at him, "Don't make me give you Myra's No.5 special."
Rick frowned at her, "L-look, in a way a baby is already an experiment… a-a-all I'm going to do is give evolution a little booster…"
"Rick." Myra muttered in a warning tone, "you're too drunk to do whatever it is you're scheming right now."
He was already reaching for his portal gun. "L-let's go say hello to Dee, shall we?"
"Fuck." Myra tried to snatch the portal device off him, but it was too late the portal opened up and swallowed both of them. They hit the ground, appearing in Rick's bedroom.
Diane let out a little chirp of surprise, sitting up in bed and turning on the lights, "What the hell, Rick?" She snapped, leaping to her feet. "Myra." She said in a sterner tone, her eyes icy as they met hers.
"Diane, don't let him near you." Myra frowned, snatching at Rick's ankles as he climbed to his feet. She successfully tripped him over and he landed with a thud.
"Aw, c'mon, Morty, don't be such a buzzkill." Rick frowned, flicking several concealed buttons on his wrist. A rocket launcher appeared as his arm folded mechanically, and he pointed it at her. "Let me play doctor with my fiancé!" He grinned, blasting it at her.
It exploded in Myra's face. She felt the room around them crumble and Diane let out a shriek.
"Rick!" Diane snapped, her tone filled with a mixture of anger and fear.
Myra had let go of him; the blast had knocked her back, although she was unscathed. Rick, on the other hand was looking battered and unconscious, blood pooling beneath him; some trickling from his ears.
"Fuck." Myra muttered, hurriedly climbing to her feet, "You ok, Diane?" she asked.
Diane had huddled herself in the corner. She looked terrified, and covered in a bit of dust, but otherwise ok. She nodded her head, shaking as she climbed to her feet to help Myra.
"He's in rough shape but we've had worse." Myra let out a sigh of frustration, reaching into his pocket to withdraw another device. It would help his internal wounds heal. She clipped it to his head and pressed the button, slumping back with a frown.
"Why?" Diane asked after a moment.
"I guess we overdid the whole bachelor party thing…" Myra frowned, "We were talking about the baby and then…." She gestured to the unconscious Rick with a frown.
"Bachelor…?" Diane's eyes went wide, before she glared down at him, "Of course he didn't listen to me… I wanted there to be no bachelor party."
Myra had grabbed s small disc from her jeans pocket, which she pressed against the ruined floor. It essentially worked as a reverse button for the damage done to structures. She tapped it gently and the damaged room suddenly began to go through a slow, reversal progress; the damage undoing.
"I'm sorry, I was told otherwise." Myra stated, glimpsing up to meet Diane's icy glare.
Diane let out a sigh and buried her head in her hands, "We are so happy together, but it's like there's this constant battle between us and whatever it is that you are." She said, making a bewildered gesture, "He'll be a great father, I know that… but…"
"He's Rick." Myra said, a pained expression on her face, "At his core, you can't change that…"
"I know…" Diane frowned, "I also know that you don't exactly encourage him… but… you somehow make him… more inclined to be an asshole?"
"I just naturally bring out the asshole in everyone." Myra said, forcing a smile, "For what it's worth, and I know it's not much… but I am sorry. He's a good one, but he's scared and when Rick's scared he's…"
"Even more Rick?" Diane asked, cocking her brow with a slight smirk, "I guess that's what it is about you then; you scare him on some level."
Myra smirked, "I highly doubt that…" She snorted, watching as the last of the blast damage faded back into place. She pressed the disc and slipped it back into her jeans before bending down to check the progress on Rick. His wounds had healed and he was snoring drunkenly. She lifted him and dropped him onto the bed with a thud.
"I'll leave him in your capable hands." Myra said, saluting as she reached for her portal gun, turning her back.
"You're not a terrible person, Myra." Diane frowned, as she sat down on the bed beside Rick's unconscious body, "But I don't have to like you."
Myra glimpsed over her shoulder at Diane, "Likewise." She said, before she opened a portal and disappeared inside.
reviews welcome!
