First and foremost, this was written for Anna. :) Prompts were WolfStar and "Dead End," by Anna Clendening.

Also written for Care of Magical Creatures Class at The Golden Snitch Forum (Beauxbatons, Guinefort) - mountain troll: write about a half-blood.


Won't Settle for Second Place

Remus took a deep, shaky breath. It was over. It was all over.

...

Earlier that day:

"Remus," Sirius whispered, cradling him, "I'm so glad you called."

Remus tried to smile. Tried to pretend that he didn't notice the flowery smell lingering on Sirius' skin. Marlene. Of course.

He felt disgusted with himself, with how weak he was when it came to Sirius. How pathetic he was to let himself be used, strung along. Always second, never first.

"I was lonely," he confessed, unable to meet his lover's gaze. He wondered if regret had ever tasted so bitter.

"Poor Moony," Sirius cooed, stroking Remus' cheek. A mischievous grin appeared on his face seconds later. "Good thing I'm here, isn't it?"

Remus didn't answer. Sirius pulled away and frowned at him. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," he lied. "I'm fine."

Just drowning in a tsunami of his own making, every terrible choice that led up to the realization that Sirius was never going to leave Marlene for him. How foolish he had been to hope.

"Remus?" Sirius' slate grey eyes held a touching amount of concern, but Remus shrugged it off.

"I was just...thinking," he said carefully.

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows. "About?"

Remus played with the sheet for a moment. The plum and teal stripes seemed to mock him somehow. "Do you love me, Sirius?" he asked at last.

The dark-haired man laughed. "Of course I do."

"And Marlene?" he pressed. "Do you love her, too?"

Sirius stiffened slightly. "Where are you going with this, Remus?"

"Just answer the damn question, Sirius. Do you love her? Yes or no?"

"No!" Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "I've told you, she's just a distraction. I love YOU."

Remus wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that Marlene meant nothing to him. But he had seen the two together. He had seen the way Sirius looked at her as though she was an angel put on this Earth to be his.

He wrenched the sheet off and stood. "That's a lie."

"What do you want me to say, Moony?"

It was Remus' turn to laugh, mirthlessly. "Honestly? There's nothing you can say, Sirius. We can't continue on like this. I can't continue on like this. I'm not willing to do it anymore."

"Do what?" Sirius looked quite confused, and rightfully so.

Remus dredged up the words and forced them out. "Play second fiddle to Marlene," he said softly. Sirius reached for him; he shrank away. "Don't. Please. I've made up my mind."

"I refuse to believe that," Sirius said through clenched teeth.

Remus crossed to his bedroom door and opened it. "Please don't make me call James."

"Remus." Sirius got to his feet and looked pleadingly at him. There had been a time when Remus would have done anything for that look.

"Go," he choked out. "Just go."

Sirius seemed to understand the gravity of the situation at last. Seemed to finally get that Remus was cutting him off. He swept past Remus without another glance at him, no doubt off to seek refuge in Marlene's arms.

As soon as he shut the door again, Remus sank to his knees and wept.

He'd done it. He'd actually done it, though he didn't feel as weightless and free as he'd expected he would. He felt lost, aimless, and more than a little sad. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to contact Sirius, to tell him it was all a mistake.

Except it wasn't a mistake.

His mistake, he reminded himself, had been in letting himself fall for the man knowing full well that he would never change. Would always go crawling back to Marlene, no matter what.

...

A short while later, Lily showed up with a fresh supply of chocolate and a shoulder to cry on.

"You can do so much better, Remus," she told him, wrapping her arms around him and lightly scratching his back with her nails. "Trust me. Your feelings for Sirius...they weren't going anywhere. Some day, you'll find someone to give all of that love to, and you will make that person so incredibly happy."

Remus closed his eyes and nodded. She was right, even if it still felt a little bit like the world was falling to pieces around him. He would get through this, and he would find someone who would make him a priority.

He owed himself that much.


Word count: 740