I am sorry to have to say that I have tried to just accept and move on, and I can't. I have given it time and space, and it hasn't really helped at all. It isn't just the choice and the way it played out, it is so much bigger than that. The blatant disrespectful deceptions, and disregard for people and their feelings, by real people involved in a show that touts the opposite with its values and storytelling, is just too blatantly hypocritical for me.
The only thing that has been running round and round in my head is the below, which has taken me this long to write as I had hoped I might reconcile things differently as time went on. I am sorry to say that just isn't happening, but I did want to leave it on a positive note.
Thank you all for your kind and supportive words, and I wish you all nothing but happiness, wherever you may find it into the future. At this stage, this will be the last fic I write for this show.
Over…
He sank down into the chair and sighed heavily. It was finally, irrevocably over, and he knew there was no going back.
He'd had no intention of falling in love with her – or anyone for that matter, Allie was his main concern, and he had come here out of a sense of guilt, responsibility and duty. Elizabeth had somehow gotten under his skin and changed his perspective, and made both him and Allie fall in love with her. He had envisaged a life with her, a family with her, and when she had seemed to reciprocate that ideal, his heart had grown to where he had dared to believe it was possible.
When they'd had their conversation by the lake, and his hope had deflated, he'd tried to give her space. Then she had come back to him – again and again – chasing him, seeking him out. She had been indecisive, and whilst she was with Lucas, he knew she felt for him, but something was holding her back from him, from becoming them, and now she knew what it was.
Nathan had always known it was going to be a challenge to get her to accept him. There wasn't only Jack and her prior association to Mountie life. He had come to town with the knowledge of what had happened at Fort Clay and held onto that secret for too long, he knew that. His burgeoning feelings had made it harder and harder to reveal it to her, knowing it would hurt her when she was still dealing with her husband's sudden and inexplicable death. The longer he waited, the harder it was to tell her, and he just kept putting it off until she confronted him. Then they had moved past it and he had dared to hope again, foolishly, it now seemed.
He had also known it would be difficult for her to see him separately from his profession, and that was why he'd said he would give up being a Mountie in their ill-fated encounter by the lake. Whilst he had great pride in his profession, it was not all he was, and he had hoped she knew that. Obviously, somewhere within her even then, she must have known, must have realised there was more to her feelings.
When she was telling him today, this time she was firm and clear in her reasoning and he knew there was no hope for them, it was done. Her decision was finally made, and it wasn't going to be him. It was over.
Rationally, he could accept that. Emotionally he also knew it wouldn't be easy, and seeing her, them, together was going to be challenging, especially for a while, but he had managed so far. He had Allie, she was happy here, they both had good friends and the town was full of good people.
Who knows, maybe this is the way it was supposed to be all along. To allow him to discover hope, and get him to finally open his heart again. After all, there is a reason it's called Hope Valley, right?
