Written for the Back to School Challenge at The Golden Snitch Forum (Beauxbatons, Guinefort) - 'The Dark Forces - A Guide to Self-Protection': write from the POV of a DADA professor.

Warning; implied self-harm, character death/implied suicide.


Ivy and Stone

"Remus," Dora says excitedly, "I'm pregnant."

And with just those two words, Remus' world falls apart.

...

Regret and shame are his constant companions now. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have let himself think he could ever have a normal life?

He begins to use his transformations as punishment, biting and scratching himself harder than he ever has before.

In the morning, he welcomes the pain.

...

"We should start decorating the nursery soon, don't you think?" Dora asks.

Remus wants to say no. The longer he puts it off, the less he has to think about it. The less real it is to him. But instead, he agrees.

They spend an afternoon assembling a crib and picking out paint colors.

...

Dora's stomach grows bigger, a painful reminder of Remus' failure. It becomes habit for him to avert his eyes from it, to pretend this isn't happening.

"Aren't you excited, Remus?" Dora asks.

He picks his reply carefully. "Our lives are about to change forever."

Dora doesn't seem to notice that he didn't really answer her question.

"I brought you dinner," Remus tells Dora. "Chicken and rice."

She takes the offered meal, her fingers lingering a little too long on his arm.

"Thanks," she says, smiling hopefully at him.

He hates her optimism. That's what got him into this relationship in the first place.

...

The thunderstorm shows no signs of stopping. Remus sighs and tries to focus on his book, but the booming thunder is too loud to drown out, and the bright flashes of lightning are almost as distracting.

After a few more futile minutes, he stands and stretches, then heads to the kitchen. The light is already on, and he finds Dora at the small table, sipping on some herbal tea.

"Want some?" she asks quietly, nodding towards her cup.

"Sure," he replies, hesitant to intrude on her sanctuary. "Thunder keeping you awake too?"

"Yeah. But I guess you'd know that if you bothered to sleep in the same room as me."

She doesn't try and hide her bitterness. Remus wonders if he should be thankful for that.

"Sorry," he says. As if "sorry" will ever make up for all the damage he has caused.

...

Dora barely talks to him anymore. He doesn't blame her.

He stopped making an effort long ago.

...

Teddy is born, and he is beautiful. He is healthy, too — exhibiting only Metamorphmagus traits, not lycanthropic ones.

Remus is relieved, but he isn't ready to let Dora back in.

He's afraid, he's so afraid, that this was all just a fluke.

"We should talk, Remus," Dora says. "About...us."

Remus' throat goes dry, and all he can do is nod.

"Are you going to leave me?"

Remus once found her blunt nature endearing — now, he has to work not to recoil from her.

"Why would you—"

"You're not exactly hiding your unhappiness with me," Dora snaps.

"I'm sor—"

"Sorry?" Dora's voice has taken on a hysterical edge. "Oh, you're sorry. You're always so bloody sorry!"

"What do you want, Dora?" he asks tiredly.

"I want you to decide. I want you to pick us. I'm... I'm tired of waiting on you to make a choice that can be made without a second thought."

Remus hangs his head. If only it were that easy.

...

The battle rages on around him but Remus isn't afraid anymore. He's made up his mind. Dora...Dora will have to understand.

He sees a green flash of light fly towards Kingsley and immediately dives in front of it.

Forgive me, Dora. I was never going to be enough for you.


Word count: 606