I'm happy I am able to share this chapter with you because I haven't been able to focus much this week but thankfully I had already written out a few chapters.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm thankful for another year of life but this week has been HEAVY especially as a Black woman and I like many other Black and Brown people are just tired and exhausted. This week it made national news, Not even 10 minutes from my doorstep here in South Carolina a Black teenager was racially profiled and assaulted for walking in his own neighborhood. I've struggled to process everything in Minnesota and now Chicago this week as well. I hugged my husband a little tighter when he left for work these past few days just like did after the deaths of George Floyd, Amahd Aubrey, Philando Castile, and so many others. I wish I could have done the same to my daddy and my brother. I cried with my mom as she gave me the talk again about what to do if me and my husband are pulled over like we haven't had that talk countless times before but no matter how old I am, I'm still her baby and she's always going to worry. I love being Black but racism is exhausting!
In reflecting on what I've been thankful for this year, I'm thankful for this space and all the readers who have supported my storytelling. I wanted a space to share Black culture, Black love and celebrate our multitude of skin tones, hair textures, and traditions in my favorite fandoms. I wanted to share stories not always rooted in Black trauma (even though I know HofDH is) and show that people of color can be the lead and not be the sidekick rooted in stereotypical minstrel behavior. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my stories, leaving comments, sharing your opinions, and keeping me motivated to write more! This creative outlet has done more than grow my writing skills but given me an escape when I need it.
Anyone else who is struggling, and you still have to show up in spaces where you can't express that you are not okay right now, I feel you and I'm sending you love and light. Take care of your mental health! Don't feel like you have to watch the videos the validate what happened or engage in conversations where people are gaslighting you. It's okay to not be okay!
In the words of Kendrick Lamar, "We Gone Be Alright!"
Tobias groans as he wakes up, his head feels like there's someone tap dancing on it. He immediately can tell that there is the leftover taste of vomit in his mouth. He sees that he's only in his undershirt and boxers and socks.
"How much did I drink last night? And how the hell did I get home and get in bed?" he grumbles placing his thumb and middle finger of his right hand on his temples.
He rolls over and sees the trash can beside his bed and his phone is fully charged on the nightstand along with two bottles of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. He sees the clock says it's a little after 9 am while taking a couple of pills.
He drags himself up, he was in desperate need of a shower. He thinks he hears a noise downstairs and he walks softly to the landing on the second floor and hears Marlene and Will laughing about something. Clearly, they had been there to help him the night before. He takes his time brushing his teeth and taking a long hot shower after downing a bottle of water.
He goes into his closet to grab a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt to throw on with his Adidas slides. He pauses as he had not several times over the past three weeks at the sight of the clothes that Tris had left in the closet. Everything that she had left there, a pair of house slippers, her toothbrush, the book The Miseducation of the Negro she had been reading all reminded him of how much he missed her.
Pharaoh greets him with a rub against his legs as he makes his way down the stairs and to the kitchen where Marlene and Will are finishing up breakfast.
"Well, we didn't think you would be up this early" Marlene comments with a smirk on her face as Tobias rolls his eyes.
"Don't make me bring up the incident the summer of your Junior year at Hampton" Tobias threatens as he takes a swig of his water and sits at the kitchen table.
Marlene sticks her tongue out at him as Will raises his eyebrows in amusement.
"Do you remember anything about last night?" Will asks as Marlene puts a few pieces of toast in front of Tobias on a plate.
"I remember the fundraiser..and Lene jacking me up.
"You really trying it today T. " Marlene adds with an eye roll to which Tobias responds with an eye roll of his own.
"Anyway, I remember going to the bar and being upset that Tris's phone kept going to voicemail. And then you and Zeke showed up…..and….Did I ask Zeke why he hadn't kicked my ass yet?"
"That you did" Will confirms as Marlene almost spits out her orange juice laughing.
Tobias groans and places his head in his hands. Last night had been a complete disaster.
"At least we found out why Tris isn't responding to any of your calls," Marlene says hesitantly putting her glass down as Tobias raises his head with a worried look and his heart pounding.
"She blocked you, look at your phone"
Tobias looks at his phone and his heart falls. He was so stupid, how had he not noticed that before, no wonder she hadn't been taking his calls.
"What am I going to do now?" Tobias sighs out leaning back in his chair. "I guess maybe this is it…"
"You cannot be serious right now," Marlene says annoyed as she eyes her brother across the table.
"What am I supposed to do Lene? She won't even talk to me, she went to a whole other country"
"You make her listen," Will says as if it's the most obvious answer in the world.
"How, she blocked me?"
"Really, T." Marlene enunciates each word slowly while clapping her hands to each word while raising her voice. "Get off your ass and go to Grenada!"
Tobias nods, he could do this, he had to, he wasn't going to lose her. He looks at the time and goes to grab his laptop to search flights to see when the first flight out was. There were just a few things he had to take care of first.
Tobias straights his shirt. He talked through his plan with Will and Marlene before they left an hour later after breakfast taking Pharaoh with them to Will's house to watch him for the next week. Tobias put a phone call into Amar to explain his plan.
"Good Luck Tobias, George and I are both rooting for you and Tris" Amar assured him. "Anything to get rid of grumpy Tobias"
"I can't thank you enough Amar, Really. I'll be on top of everything while I'm gone. I'm taking my laptop, I'll be able to call over wifi and video chat. We still have two weeks before the job on Michigan Ave starts"
"I have complete faith in you Tobias, I'm always here for you, you know you are family"
They talk for a few more minutes. Tobias was taking his laptop with him so he could work on some things while he was gone even though Amar insisted he focus on Tris. The renovations to the Abnegation community center were projected to be finished in about three weeks. Marlene and Evelyn had been organizing a dedication. Tobias had been so out of it the past few weeks they had really done most of the heavy lifting.
Tobias gets dressed and makes his way to The Pit, the family would be finishing brunch right about now and getting ready for afternoon lunch serving. He takes a deep breath as he opens the door, prepared to face the wrath of the family if need be.
Everyone is quiet when they see Tobias walk through the door. Hana as usual offers to fix him a plate while Jalen and Justin talk his ear off after not seeing him for a month. He feels guilty when they tell him how much they miss their Aunite Tris. She really did leave because he couldn't get out of his own head. Zeke and Shauna rib him a bit for his drunken antics the night before. It feels like something is missing because Tris wasn't there. She needed to be with her family. She just wasn't his light, she was theirs too.
Come sit outside with me" Andrew says to Tobias. The two men make their way to the garden and take a seat. Tobias is still quiet.
"I always knew that if God blessed us for Beatrice to receive a heart, it would have to be from a very special person. When she met you her heartbeat truly for the first time, perhaps it was meant to be with you always."
"I love her, I never meant to hurt her. I was just so confused about how I should feel," Tobias says quietly.
"Tobias, losing your wife isn't easy, and I can say that because I went through it. Part of the feels like I never remarried because I was too scared to put myself out there and feel all the things that you have especially so soon after losing Lauren. I can't blame you or be upset for being confused"
"I'm going to try and make things right Sir, I'm not going to give up"
"That's that's what I want to hear" Andrew smiled as he sat up straighter in his chair. Tobias was a good man, everyone made mistakes and he couldn't be too hard on him knowing how grief could cripple people.
"I..I.. umm probably should have talked to you before I did this but I bought a plane ticket to Grenada for tomorrow, I'm going to try and see if I can get her to see that I love her and to come home with me"
Tobias reaches in his pocket and pulls out the ring box he had been keeping in his drawer since February and passes it to Andrew. Andrew opens the box and smiles softly and nods.
"I bought this in February, I don't know what will happen but I want to marry your daughter Mr. Prior. I'll always love Lauren, she helped me become the man that I am today, but I ache for Tris, I can't let her go"
Andrew smiles again. There was no doubt in his mind that Tobias loved his daughter and he did believe they could fix things if Tris was open to hearing him out. He knew how stubborn she could be.
"Let's see how I can help you out a bit," Andrew says and then pulls out his phone and Tobias lets out a sigh of relief.
Tris lies on the bed in her resort room. She had started packing her things up. She was going to move into one of the guest rooms at Beth and Kiara's house. They maintained a small residence on the property of the resort that was separated by a gate. Beth assured Tris that she didn't have to be in a rush, but Tris felt selfish staying in the suite another week when paying customers could be using it even though it was the slow season. There were guests but Kiki showed her the months of May through October the occupancy of the resort was double what it was right now.
She had her AirPods in, listening to her playlist that she had made to sort out her feelings. You made a fool of me by Meshell Ndegeocello, Again by Lenny Kravitz, Emotional Rollercoaster by Vivian Green, The Loneliness by Babyface and Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton had been in constant rotation over the past two weeks. She had managed to stop crying uncontrollably and hanging out with Kiki and her boyfriend made her feel like there wasn't a hole in her chest 24 hours a day. If this is what heartbreak was, she never wanted to feel this again. She couldn't even think of herself with anyone but Tobias, it was like she had been made just for him.
She looked at the time, it was nearing dinner time so Kiki would be off soon so she got up to get ready. They had spent the morning talking about how Tris could be of help in managing one of the three restaurants at the resort given her experience at the Pit and how that would help obtain her work visa which would be good for a year.
She changed into one of the flowy dresses she had purchased at the small mall the island had the week before. As she makes her way out of her room she smiles at a couple who had checked in a few days before and were staying in a room near hers. As she passes the pool one of the young men who worked as a server running drinks back and forth from the bar smiles at her. He smiled at her every day when he saw her.
"So are you just going to keep smiling every time you walk past me or are you going to tell me your name," he asks, his Caribbean accent thick but Tris was accustomed to hearing it from her father and uncle she always understood when she could tell some of the other resort guests couldn't.
"My name is Tris," she says while biting her lip.
"I'm Robert"
"Nice to meet you, Robert"
"Now, why a pretty girl like you been frowin all the time you been here"
"It's complicated," she says looking down.
"Well if you don't want complicated, let me know" He gives her a wink and a grin that shone off his umber skin as he went back to his task of cleaning up the empty glasses that had accumulated by the pool.
Tris takes a deep breath and walks faster to the front. What was she doing? She didn't want to talk to Tobias, but she knew she was going to have to eventually, they had to end things or something. She still loved him, but what did she do with that? Her feelings were still all over the place. She shakes her head as she sees Kiki waving at her. She was going to have to get it over with sooner or later and talk to him. She was going to have to go home and deal with some things too if she was going to move to Grenada, maybe she could just put it off until then.
Tobias is nervous the entire flight to Grenada. Andrew had called his cousin Beth while Tobias was there to tell her Tobias's plan and what time he would be arriving the next day. She was excited, she wanted to see the couple reunited and was excited to be able to help in any way she could. Andrew gives Tobias the information to his cousin's resort in Grenada where Tris had been staying along with Beth's phone number along with telling him to download What's App to be able to call her when he landed. He'd asked the family not to tell Tris he was coming, he didn't want her to freak out and run again. He just needed to talk to her, let her know how he really felt.
St. George was beautiful, maybe one of the most beautiful places he had ever seen. The resort of Andrew's cousin Beth and her husband was pure luxury. Tobias had done some reading on his tablet in the airport between flights about the island and the resort. Lauren had always wanted to travel here, it made him smile when he thought about it. Thanks to Tris it was kind of bittersweet but her heart had still made it. He hoped there would be other places around that he and Tris would be able to travel to that a piece of Lauren would touch those places all because Tris had her heart.
"Welcome to Grenada," Beth boasts as she waves to him after he exits customs. Tobias could see the family resemblance between her and Andrew and Harrison instantly.
"She has no idea I'm here?" He asks nervously as they make their way to the resort.
"No idea, my daughter Kiki has been keeping her busy today. She's been applying for a work visa and learning about the resort"
"Work visa! " Tobias responds with shock evident in his voice as he looks over at Beth in the driver's seat. He never thought she would have gone that far as to permanently leave Chicago.
"Talk to her Tobias, she's so in love with you. Anyone can see it. You just need to be open and honest with her".
Tobias takes a deep breath. His heart was racing the rest of the way to the resort as he nervously wipes his hands on his shorts. When they arrive, Beth has him hang out at the reception desk for a few minutes before guiding him through the resort. She hands him a key and points to the room door.
"Kiki says she's down on the beach, she wanted to take a walk after dinner" Beth relays as she can sense Tobias is anxious and still unsure of his plan.
"If things go really bad, here's another key to Room 205, it's just down that hall. I hope you don't need it"
"Thank you Beth, for everything, I can't tell you how much this means to me"
Beth smiles. "Go get your woman!"
Tobias nods. He winds through the maze of the resort and he takes a deep breath before he opens the door to the suite. He sets his luggage down by the door and sees the door to the terrace open. The sun is low in the sky and his heart stops when he sees Tris standing on the beach close to the edge of the water. There is a light breeze and her hair blows gently along with the long blue-green halter dress she was wearing. He quietly made his way down to the beach from the private area from the suite, The water was so clear and so blue and the sound of the waves made him feel like he was hypnotized. As he got closer he could see how her skin and a golden glow now from her time in the sun. He wanted to bury his hands in her curls and kiss her senseless.
As if she sensed his presence, Tris turns around her eyes wide when she registers who is walking toward her.
"T,T..Tobias, what are you doing here?" she stammers out blinking a few times.
She could feel her stomach drop and her heart started pounding as he stopped just in front of her. Part of her wanted to run and jump into his arms, the other part of her was angry at him and yet another wanted to cry.
"I love you, Tris, I'm not letting you go that easily. Tris these three weeks I have been miserable without you." He replies as he reaches for her hand. Her eyes are still wide and he sees tears start to fall from her eyes.
"How do I know you love all of me and not the part that belonged to her?" Tris sobs "Do you even want to be reminded of that every time you look at me? I can't do this Tobias, I can't, I'm sorry"
She pulls her hand away and walks a few steps down the beach with the ocean waves crashing against the shore. She couldn't take this. If this is what her second chance at life brought her, how could she carry this heartache? She loved him enough to not break his heart every time he looked at her. Just a few weeks ago she wanted nothing but to build a life together with him to do all the things they had talked about over the past year. But here he was begging her, she was so torn.
"Tris please, Listen to me, I can't lose you, Please believe me. I love you, I know that you think that I can't be close to you because you have Lauren's heart, but that's not true." Tobias pleads with his voice cracking.
Big fat tears start flowing down Tris' cheeks. She can hear the heartache in Tobias's voice and it stops her dead in her tracks. This is what she wanted, wasn't it? For him to be here, begging for her? Did that make her foolish to want to do nothing but run into his arms?
"Tris, I loved Lauren, I can't change that and I was devastated when she died. You know that. I never thought that I would have this chance to start over. But you, Tris, are like this pure ball of light that has encompassed every part of me in ways that I never thought were possible. I need you, please" he begs and grabs her hand again and slowly pulling her to him.
Tris keeps her head down and her eyes closed she knows she's done for if she looks in his eyes if he places his lips to hers, she won't be able to resist him. It was like her body needed to be close to him.
"Tris, look at me please," Tobias says softly as he brings his hand to her face and tilts her chin. He wipes her tears away with his thumb, caressing her cheek. Tris feels her resolve faltering and her eyes flutter open to see Tobias looking at her with nothing but love and passion. She bites her lips as he continues to rub his thumb over her cheek.
"I love you, Tris, with everything in me. I'm not giving up on you, on us. I had to let Lauren go and you helped me do that. It's one of the many things I love about you. But I can't let you go. Give me a chance, Tris."
"Why did you let me leave Tobias? Why? What was I supposed to think?" her anger evident in her tone.
"I fucked up Tris, I'm sorry, I can't take it back but I want to fix it, just give me a chance"
Tris huffs and starts to walk back to the room. She brushes the sand off her feet as she steps onto the patio of the suite with Tobias right behind her. She just had to get away from him, the longer she was near him the more she could feel her body winding up. He was so fucking handsome, she wanted to pull his bottom lip with her teeth. God, she wanted nothing more than to feel his hands on her but she was still angry with him. Why was she so turned on? How could she think rationally like this?
"Tobias, I can't do this" She turns around and puts her hands on her hips. She just had to be firm and maybe she could stop herself from begging him to make love to her and forget why she was upset.
"Yes, you can" He could see the desire in her eyes, he tried not to smile as he saw her resolve faltering. Her chest heaving as she bit her lip. He knew that look, that she was aroused and trying to fight it. She was stubborn and he knew this wasn't going to be easy and he shouldn't be cocky but he knew if he pulled her close she would give in.
"Don't tell me what I can do!" She starts to yell but before she can finish, Tobias's mouth is on hers.
He pulls her to him, his strong hands gripping her by the waist. Tris responds immediately returning his kiss and She presses her body as close to him as she can get, Tobias groans as he feels her breasts rub against his chest through her thin dress. He moves his hands down to her ass and squeezes eliciting a whimper from her and he starts moving them further into the living area. This was it, she needed him, more than anything at this moment, more than air itself. His lips, his hands, everything felt electric.
They continue stumbling into the living area where Tobias walks them backward to a wall in the dining room. As his lips moved from hers down to her neck she felt her core tighten and throb. She needs to be one with him more than her next breath. Tris grabs at his shirt and he helps her toss it over his head not caring where it landed. He quickly undoes the knot holding her dress up, letting it fall, and expose her breasts. He quickly lowers his head to suckle one chocolate nipple. Tris cries out in pleasure and follows his hands with her own as they work her panties down together frantically. Tobias moves his lips back to hers and she hurriedly undoes his belt buckle. He pulls his lips away from hers only for the short time it takes for him to pull himself out of his boxers and shorts and lift the skirt of her maxi dress up to her waist. He hoists her up and fills her in one stroke. They both gasp at the feeling of being connected again and Tobias starts to thrust quickly.
"Tobias, Baby, I missed you" she cries out as he takes her hungrily against the wall.
As the feelings of pleasure rolled over her she was having a hard time remembering why she wanted to stay away from him. The frantic feel he gave her that matched her own only spurred her on more. With every stroke, she was reminded how well they fit together, how much she loved him. He grins as he nips at her neck, not holding back, but he wanted to taste every inch of her skin. He had gone three weeks without her and her scent was driving him insane. He thought those nights when he laid in bed that he would never forget it, now it was sharper, more intense. Nothing could compare to her in his arms even though the pace was fast and full of wanton need.
"Tris, I missed you too, I fucking love you so much" he grunts out.
"Yes! Please don't stop" Tris gripped him tightly holding on as he moved inside her faster.
"Never Baby, You feel so damn good" he moans out punctuating each word in time with his thrusts.
"Oh God, Tobias" she cries out, feeling herself tightening around him. "I'm so close"
Tris couldn't be quiet if she wanted to, she gripped Tobias harder around the shoulders but she felt so greedy, she wanted more of him. Tobias grunts as he keeps moving through Tris's orgasm, determined not to cum just yet. He leans back off the wall and she wraps her legs tighter around him as he carries her to the dining room table where he lays her down all while still inside her. He adjusts their position to pull her to the end of the table to get a better angle. Tris doesn't ever remember him being this rough with her but all she knows is she likes it. Their lovemaking has always been amazing, fun, and sweet, and tender. Nothing had ever been this brazen and hot before. The wood of the table is slick and hard, but Tris doesn't care as the waves of pleasure continue to roll over her and her high-pitched pants and moans echoed in time with Tobias's grunts and moans all through the room. She didn't care if anyone could hear her, she never wanted this moment to end.
"I missed being inside you" He grunts out, knowing how much she liked him to talk while they were being intimate. Tris bites her bottom lip and groans at his words. Moved his hand up the valley of her breasts rubbing her scar.
"Fuck Tris," Tobias yells out.
"Oh Shit, This feels so good" Tris pants in time with his thrusts and gripping his torso and he leaned over her and gripped the table.
"Yes, Come for me Baby," Tobias praises as he thrusts harder and Tris becomes louder and Tobias releases into her as he climaxes right after her. After they catch their breath, Tris sits up and kisses him, pulling herself close as possible again.
Tobias smiles against her lips and she laughs. She could tell he wanted more. He was still inside her but she could feel him hardening again as he pulled her close. He picks her up again and she holds on tight with her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. This time he carries them to the bed. He pulls out and they both groan at the loss of feeling but Tris quickly rids herself of her dress that was bunched up around her waist and Tobias kicks off his pants and boxers before quickly covering her as she lays back on the bed.
She moans again, the sound going straight to his groin. The terrace door was still open and the sound of the waves crashing against the beach was like a melody that added to the need in his body. She wraps her arms around his neck and presses close to him taking in the scent that was him, full of his cocoa butter lotion and the earthy spice scent that was unique to him. Tobias quickly picks up the pace again flipping her over. Tris squeals in response as he grips her hips and pulls her back to sit on her knees. Her breath hitches, they had never been in this position before. There was nervous energy of excitement running through her. Before she could think anymore he swiftly entered her.
"Oh Fuck, Ah' Tris screams muffled as she buries her face into a pillow and her hands gripping the sheets in front of her.
"I want to hear you say my name Tris," Tobias says huskily, giving her a firm slap on the behind that causes her to cry out again as he continues to thrust at a quick pace.
"Tobias" she manages to get out halfway between a moan and a scream.
There was so much intense pleasure moving through her she could barely take it. She couldn't stop the high-pitched cries she let out with every one of his thrusts. She squeals again when Tobias stops and pulls up so he could wrap his arms around her and slide his hand down to rub her bundle of nerves. She places one hand over his and they both increase the friction to bring on her orgasm. They were both sweaty, panting and Tris had never felt so desired by the way he clung to her. She twisted her head so she could kiss him.
"Tobias, I love you," she gasps, feeling her orgasm approach as they move against each other. He moved his mouth to her ear and the way he moaned her name threw her over the edge.
"I love you, Tris, Come with me, right now, let me feel it" he whispers into her ear.
A moment later she starts to let go and he lets himself let go too. They collapse together laying looking at the ceiling both panting, sweaty but fully satisfied, both too spent to care about covering themselves with a sheet.
"Holy Shit," Tobias says grinning as he turns his head to see Tris smiling just as big as she looks up the ceiling.
"So that's what Shauna and Christina mean when they say make-up sex is great" she laughs out still breathing a little hard.
Tobias lets out a belly laugh and rolls over on his side propping himself up on his elbow. He smiles softly as he looks at her while running his hand over her hip and thigh.
"I've been so scared that I lost you and I don't want to be without you ever again. I never wanted to hurt you, I love you and it was killing me thinking that you didn't want me" she says quietly as he takes his hand and turns her head to be able to look her in the eye.
"Baby, you could never hurt me ever, please know that. I will always want you, I just needed to get out of my own head. I think that this was how things were supposed to happen and I love you too, so damn much "
She smiles biting her lip. He leans down slow and gives her a soft kiss, moving his hands to her waist and pulling her close to him. When she moans, he sweeps his tongue across her bottom lip and she allows him to deepen the kiss and she moves her arms around his neck. Tobias kisses Tris with everything he has in his soul. This beautiful woman in bed with him had pulled him from the depths of grief and despair he was in after losing Lauren. He wanted nothing but to show her how incredible she was and spend the rest of his life with her.
Tris feels like her entire universe has been pulled into this moment with Tobias. Everything that has happened to both of them happened to bring them together at this very moment. He pulls back and strokes her face and puts his head down to her chest, listening to her heartbeat strong and steady, this heart was tied to him and would always beat for him. Tris runs her fingers through his curly hair and rubbing his scalp the way he liked. He'd done this before, laying on her chest, listening to the beat of her heart but now it had a new meaning. This was the last gift Lauren had given him, the life he would be able to spend with Tris and he was going to treasure it forever.
