Hi I hope you enjoy this story.

It's a short story idea I've had for a while.

I know it seems similar to my other story sunshine but I'm promise this is quite different.

TW- drug misuse , themes of suicide, missing person.

Kelly stared at the pile of paper work on his desk, he'd been in his office for over an hour but was yet to write a single word. Every second felt more like an hour and there was a dull ache in his chest. He hated this day, every time this day passed it felt like a stab in the heart. One more year with a huge piece of him missing. One more year of reminding himself how he failed. A gentle knock at the door pulled his attention away from the numerous files in front of him. He knew Boden wouldn't expect him to get anything done anyway but he hadn't been able to stomach sitting in the common room. He knew everyone meant well but their solemn expressions intensified the aching in his heart.

"Come in" he called in the steadiest tone he could manage , a few seconds later the door swung open revealing Stella and Kelly instantly felt himself relax. Stella knew how much this day hurt him, she was the one person he didn't mind being around right now. She was his rock, he still loved her just as much as he did the day he married her.

"Hey" she greeted with a soft smile, there was no point in her asking how he was they both knew what the answer would be.

"How's your shift been?" He asked his voice weighed down by tiredness.

"Busy",

"Heard you had a couple of difficult calls" responded Kelly. When Stella leapt into a recount of her day he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders , listening to her talk helped ease the thoughts spinning around his head. He just needed to get through this day then he'd be ok.

When he heard another knock on the door he was sat on his bed with Stella laying in his arms.

"Who is it?" Asked Kelly as Stella gently eased herself out of his embrace. Kelly sighed at the loss of comfort but instantly softened when a young girl with dark hair opened the door.

"Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?" questioned Kelly as the teen flashed him a smile.

"Uncle matt said you were in here" she replied softly as she dropped her school bag down on the floor.

"Nice try. I meant at the firehouse, Last I checked you're supposed to be in school " Kelly responded with a smirk, he wasn't mad at her for skipping he knew this day was just as hard for her. She was nine years old when their lives changed; she'd matured a lot since then, which was something that filled Kelly with guilt. Lily had grown up way too fast, she'd lost a big part of her childhood to grief and sadness. Kelly tried his best to be there for her , to make sure she knew she was loved but he was aware that he had made a lot of mistakes. Kelly knew he was extremely over protective of her but often missed the things she cared about. He struggled attending her sporting events and doing things like fishing, they just brought back too many painful memories.

Even holidays were extremely difficult; they tried their best to remain upbeat for Lily but celebrations weren't the same anymore. He'd tried his best to protect her innocence but he knew that without Stella Lily would be the one looking after him.

"I wanted to come and see you" Lily responded as she looked down at her feet sheepishly. The girl prided herself on being strong but Kelly knew deep down she was the same little girl who used to love sitting in the squad engine and sounding the sirens.

"Come here" beckoned Kelly as he gently patted the bed. The girl dropped down next to him and allowed her parents to pull her into a hug.

"I hate this day"Lily breathed after a moment as tears began to stream down her face.

"Me too" Kelly replied as he gently rubbed her back. And he could hear Stella whispering reassurances in their daughters ear. But he knew nothing they said would get rid of the agony in their hearts, because four years ago they lost a piece of their family.

"I want Bailey back" sobbed Lily and Kelly felt his heart clench as the girl spoke the words they were all thinking.

Bailey was born during the darkest time of Kelly's life but with him he brought nothing but light and happiness. He was the result of Kelly's very brief marriage with Brittany after the tragic loss of Shay. Kelly was far from the perfect dad but he did everything he could to show Bailey how much he was loved. And when Kidd came into their lives she loved Bailey as if he was her own; the little boy had always trusted her too. Kelly felt like the luckiest man in earth because after Bailey was born he was concerned about dating, he was terrified of ending up like his dad. But he vowed never to choose anyone else over his son. When Stella came into his life he fell in love with instantly, but it was when she interacted with Bailey he realised she was the only person for him. She never treated the boy as a burden, she completely understood that Kelly and Bailey were a package deal. She never showed the boy anything but warmth and compassions. Bailey was six years old when Kelly and Stella tied the knot; less than a year later Lily was born and their little family was complete.

Bailey had always been a laid back kid. Even though he had to move between households weekly he never once complained. He was a really smart kid too, not book smart but he was incredible at reading people. He seemed to thrive around other people in a way that reminded Kelly of Andy. He was a cheeky and had a heart of gold just like Kelly's childhood best friend. When Brittany married a mechanic named Danny who had two younger boys Bailey instantly took them under his wing. Kelly didn't think there was another person on earth who fit the older brother roll better than Bailey. The boy cared for everyone and he did it so effortlessly, he remembered the few fishing trips they took after a rough shift. Sometimes Bailey would recite stories about his week but other times he'd remain completely silent, the boy always seemed to know whether Kelly needed a distraction or just somebody to sit with him. Kelly now realised he'd taken the boy for granted. He should've been looking out Bailey not the other way round. He was just as bad as Benny.

Despite sharing custody of Bailey with Brittany Kelly still had a strong bond with the teen. When he was at Brittany's house he'd ring a few times during the week and occasionally he'd stop by the firehouse. Bailey used to enjoy beating Capp at poker but he hadn't quite worked out how to beat Tony. Sometimes they even let Bailey cook with heavy supervision from Matt. Kelly's sister Katie used to teach Bailey new recipes and the teen enjoyed trying them out but it didn't always go to plan, there had been quite a few times when they'd ended up ordering take out instead. However no one ever complained about the boys presence, he always brightened up their day. And it helped that Boden had a soft spot for the teen, after losing Benny Boden had become a surrogate grandparent for the teen.

The firehouse had been a big help to Kelly when he found himself a first time dad. Which was why Bailey had always seen fifty one as his family. The firehouse hadn't been the same since his disappearance. Kelly knew Boden still kept a photo of the boy in his office from the time they all went fishing together. Bailey used to love going on trips with Matt, Kelly and Boden, they were hoping to go on either more adventures as the boy got older.

Kelly knew Matt still had the drawing Bailey made when he was six years old and proclaimed he was going to be on truck when he grew up. Tony and Capp never played cards anymore preferring to do something else to pass the time. And they never cooked lasagna in the firehouse, the dish had been Baileys specialty as it was the one dish he could never do wrong. The four years that had passed since Bailey's disappearance did nothing to ease the pain they were all still tormented by.

"Do you think, do you think he's still out there?" Asked lily after a few moments and Kelly instinctively pulled his daughter closer.

"I don't know" he admitted after a while trying his best to keep his tone steady. Nobody knew whether the boy was alive or dead, nobody knew anything. They didn't even know why Bailey had disappeared, it was a question that played on Kelly's mind every second of every day.

Late at night he often found himself going through their last few weeks together. How could he have not seen something was wrong. Bailey had started acting differently but Kelly had assumed it was just a sign of him getting older. When he mentioned it to his mother she'd responded with tales about Kelly's youth and assured him it was normal. The teen had become increasingly quiet, his best friend Nate stopped coming over and his grades began to slip. But Kelly had continued to brush it off assuming it was just average teenage behaviour. But then Bailey quit baseball, Stella assured him it was because Bailey was growing and choosing his own path, but it didn't sit right with Kelly. It wasn't that he wanted Bailey to play baseball it was that for years the teen had lived and breathed the sport, it was all he ever wanted to do. Even when he broke his arm one year he attended ever single practice and game. He'd rewatch old matches and led spend most of his time practicing on his pitch. Kelly knew you couldn't fake that sort of passion. Before Kelly could start to find out what was bothering the boy disaster struck.

There'd been a really bad house fire which had trapped a young family inside. Stella refused to leave without a young girl who was trapped, she'd managed to get her out safely but it almost her her life. It took her a few weeks to recover and the incident had left them rattled. Kelly's memory of the first week Stella spent in hospital was mostly a blur but there was one thing he remembered. It was the first time he returned home after the accident , Boden had finally persuaded him to leave Stella for a few hours. When Kelly arrived home Matt was sat on the sofa half asleep, he'd been looking after the children for the past few days. When Kelly asked about his kids Matt pointed in the direction of Lily's room.

Gently he opened the bedroom door and he felt his heart twinge at the sight he was met with. His two children were tucked underneath a thick bright pink duvet, Lily was fast asleep with Baileys arms wrapped tightly around her. Before Kelly could leave a gentle voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Is Stella going to be alright?", at his sons fearful words Kelly crossed the room and slowly knelt down next to the bed.

"She's going to pull through buddy" assured Kelly as he tenderly patted the boys arm.

"Good, I don't want to lose her" croaked the boy. Tenderly Kelly wiped away a stray tear that was rolling down the boy's cheek.

"It's going to be alright Bailey, she'll be back in action before you know it" he promised before planting a kiss on the boys head.

The incident had effected them all but looking back Kelly realised how badly it had shaken his eldest. Bailey had stayed with them an extra week after the accident and even rejoined the baseball team. Everything seemed to get back normal; Kelly believed everything was going to be alright.

Then one day Kelly and Stella went out for the night and Lily spent the night at a friends leaving Bailey alone. They didn't mind leaving Bailey on his own after all he was sixteen and Kelly believed he could probably do with a night of peace and quiet. Lily was quite an excitable kid and she was anything but calm, and back at his Brittany's house there were two younger boys who were extremely mischievous, it wasn't a surprise that Bailey wanted a night alone. Kelly and Stella had a wonderful night, not once worrying about the teen they left at home. When they returned at midnight there was no sign of Bailey. They remained calm at first, they rang Nate and then Brittany to see if the boy was with one of them but Bailey wasn't with either them . They kept a level head and contacted everyone they could think of Matt, Boden and even Voight but no one had seen the teen. The next day their fear intensified when Stella realised her pain medication had disappeared. A recently refilled bottle of pain killers was unaccounted for but Kelly refused to consider what everyone else was thinking, Bailey wouldn't do that he kept insisting. Frantically he searched the entire apartment to ensure it hadn't been misplaced but just like Bailey they were there was no trace of them.

It had been four years since that dreaded day and Kelly's heart was still beating violently in his chest, and there was a permanent knot in his stomach. He'd never feel calm again until he knew where his son was.

Later that day Kelly found himself sitting at the dinner table picking at the pizza placed in the middle of the table. Boden had sent him and Kidd home after deciding they wouldn't be much use and surprisingly Kelly agreed. He knew they weren't thinking straight and besides Lily needed them at home. It was the first time their shift had fallen on the anniversary and they had thought they would be able to cope. But the day had only confirmed that there wounds hadn't even started to heal.

They ate dinner in silence, normally they would make an effort to keep up a steady conversation but on days like this it was virtually impossible. The apartment always felt quiet, even though Bailey hadn't stayed with them all the time his absence was felt every single day. Sometimes Kelly caught Lily in his room, she'd pull on one of Baileys old jumpers just to feel to closer to him. Some days he'd find Stella stood in the hallway staring at the coatrack where one of Bailey's old jackets still hung and a pair of his trainers had been left in a heap on the floor. One of Bailey's books was still lying on the shelf in the kitchen, he'd dogged eared the pages despite them buying him book mark after book mark, it was taking up space but none of them had the strength to move it. If anyone entered the flat they wouldn't be able to tell Bailey had been missing for four years. Many people thought they were living in denial but Kelly would never give up hope that they'd find Bailey. He would never give up on his little boy.

Hope you enjoyed, any advice greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

Next chapter soon.