The pinging sound of Gabrielle's phone alarm infiltrated her dream, which had just been some utter nonsense about her running around her parents' land with Lila. Xena might have been there too, but she wasn't sure. She reached for her phone on the bedside table and turned it off. She groaned sleepily and leaned back against Xena, who was definitely there behind her and still had her arm wrapped around her. Gabrielle clenched it and had almost fallen back asleep when a sharp intake of breath and a muffled cry jerked her into full alertness.
"Xena?" Gabrielle whispered into the darkness as she turned herself around in Xena's embrace.
It was still so dark in the room and outside that Gabrielle could barely see her at first, but when her eyes adjusted, she realized she was struggling to stop herself from crying.
"Whoa," Gabrielle said quietly as she wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. "What it is? What's wrong?"
Xena leaned her head into her shoulder but shock her head. "No…"
"Xena," Gabrielle uttered comfortingly as she stroked her hair and kissed on her the top of the head. "What's wrong? You can tell me."
Xena just pushed her head harder into Gabrielle shoulder.
"Okay, okay," Gabrielle told her, trying to not get distracted but how out of her element she felt in this situation. The national team superstar she had looked up to for years was crying into her shoulder and she had no idea why or even how to help. She wrapped her arms around her as tight as she could without straining her cracked ribs. "Just…uh…just let it out, Xena. Don't tell me anything. You don't have to explain."
She did as Gabrielle said, and she felt even more out of her element. She felt like a scared child so unsure of the best way to help her childhood hero. She had obviously grown into more than that but…but maybe Amarice was right. Maybe she wasn't ready to be this close to Xena. Oddly, Gabrielle wished Lao Ma was there. She could have handled this. She would have been better for Xena in this moment than Gabrielle could ever be.
Quiet murmurs emerged from Xena's lips, but Gabrielle could barely make out what she had been trying to say through her tears.
Gabrielle did not want to pry or ask her to repeat but she was pretty sure she had said a name that started with an L.
It all sadly clicked in Gabrielle's mind. It had been during the CONCACAF qualifier for the 2011 World Cup when she had stared so intently at a tabloid in the grocery store that her mother had bought it for her. Gabrielle had never asked her mother, but she always assumed the cover story about the second Sherlock Holmes movie was why she let her have it. They had seen the first as a family and all liked it. Gabrielle figured her mother did not see the small headline at the top about the gruesome murder of the national team star's younger brother.
Gabrielle continued to hold the crying superstar for another two and a half hours. She had turned off the alarm on Xena's phone, the backup one she had set on the alarm clock and answered the last restore wake-up call on the hotel room's phone.
"Xena," Gabrielle said in a sterner voice than before. "This is getting stupid. Clearly you want to tell me what's on your mind. Just do it, I'm not going to…" she trailed off and shrugged, "judge you or anything. I don't have the right to do that."
Xena remained still in her arms.
"Okay," Gabrielle replied to her silence. "You don't' have to tell me. But I need to go. We have to be at the stadium in two hours."
Xena did not react to Gabrielle's statement. Gabrielle removed herself from her embrace and climbed out of the bed. She dressed into her team-issued sweatpants and t-shirt since she'd be left out of the line-up because of injury. She only tied up her hair because she had not gotten a chance to wash it the night before. She slung her backpack over her shoulders and slide her phone and headphones into her right pocket.
She stood still for a moment at the end of the hotel room bed. "Xena?" she questioned softly.
There was a long period of silence before Xena spoke.
"Just go, Gabrielle," Xena told her. All the tears from earlier were gone from her voice and she had apparently transitioned to some sort of emotionally shut down state that concerned Gabrielle. "I don't want you here. I never did. Just leave me the fuck alone."
"Wha—" Gabrielle began to blurt but her rising emotions caused her to stop. "Okay fine, Xena. Stay here and cry by yourself. But when you're over this…" Gabrielle trailed off as she took a deep, tearful breath, "I'll see you at the stadium."
Gabrielle teared up as she hurried to the hotel door and rushed into the hallway. She let the door close behind her and covered her face with her hands for a moment as she cried.
"Focus, focus," Gabrielle whispered to herself. "It's gameday. Don't get distracted."
She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes and breathed heavily. Eventually she calmed herself enough to stand at all full height and peer down the hallway. She spotted a mass of blonde, curly hair.
"Ephiny," Gabrielle called after her as she strode toward her and the elevator.
She turned and peered at her. "Hey, Gabrielle," she responded casually. "Thought you'd be at the stadium already."
"I…um…," Gabrielle shook her head awkwardly and then decided to fuck it. She had admired Ephiny for years but also knew she wasn't going to judge her for the thoughts that consumed her mind. "Yeah, I couldn't make it to the stadium any earlier. Can I—can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Ephiny gave a casual shrug as the elevator doors opened.
"About Xena," Gabrielle clarified as they stepped inside.
"Ah," Ephiny replied as she shook her head and looked down at the metallic floor for a moment. "If it wasn't so sad, it would almost be funny how flimsy that hard-ass persona is."
Gabrielle raised an eyebrow and shook her head for a moment about how on point Ephiny's comment had been, but then she had known Xena for much longer than she had.
"It's Lyceus, isn't it?" Gabrielle questioned her mentor within the team's defense. "This is the anniversary of his death. It has to be.
Ephiny scoffed and shook her head. "Why are you asking me, Gabrielle? You seem to know."
Gabrielle shrugged and huffed in exasperation. "Yeah, from women's soccer reporters and trashy grocery store tabloids and that book about the history of the national team, but not like you do. And not like I should, but I don't think she is going to tell me."
Ephiny laughed into her hand as she covered her face with it for a moment.
"I mean, I woke up to her crying, almost sobbing into my arms this morning," Gabrielle explained. "I held her and tried to help as long as she would let me but she eventually kicked me out of the room."
"What?" the tough as nails, basically made of steel veteran defensive midfielder said to Gabrielle in the smallest, most vulnerable voice Gabrielle had ever heard. "She did?"
Gabrielle peered at Ephiny quizzically.
"She cried in front of you?" Ephiny clarified.
The younger player nodded. "Yeah, from when my alarm went off at 6 until about five minutes ago."
The elevator reached the ground floor of the hotel and the doors opened into the hallway just beyond the hotel restaurant/bar in the back of the lobby. Ephiny stepped out into the lobby and Gabrielle followed.
"You're only the fifth person I know who she has ever cried in front of," Ephiny told her.
"Really?" Gabrielle asked up at her.
Ephiny nodded. "She must really like you."
Ephiny strode away from her toward the lobby exit, where Gabrielle assumed the team bus was parked and waiting for them. Gabrielle eventually followed her and sat in the row behind her.
Gabrielle fiddled with her phone to distract herself but peered up when she heard someone walk up to her row. Varia looked down at her.
"Anybody sitting there?" the forward said as she nodded to the empty seat beside Gabrielle.
Gabrielle peered at her confused for a moment. Though she was only a few years older than her, Gabrielle had barely spent any time alone with Varia. "Uh, no," Gabrielle replied.
"Cool," Varia replied sound dejected as she dropped into the seat and tossed her backpack between her feet. She crossed her arms against her chest and leaned back against the seat. "Xena isn't with you?"
Gabrielle set her phone on her lap and peered out the window at the hotel for a moment. "No," she told her teammate. "She basically kicked me out without telling me why."
Varia gave a frustrated shrug "But you know why. Of course, you know why," Varia stated shaking her head. "It's family and they have a right to private grief, and I understand that. But if you knew enough about this team at the time it was something that everyone remembers. And I know it's not the same, but we could help," Varia exclaimed with an exasperated anger. "I just want her to let me help."
Gabrielle took a deep breath as she scoffed in recognition. "I wanted that too."
"She does this to me every fucking year," Varia spat angrily. She aggressively wiped her hand down her face. "Fuck. Sorry. I didn't mean to dump all my shit on you. I know it's still early days for you guys."
Gabrielle shook her head and shrugged. "No, it's okay. I mean, I almost want to thank you as sad as that sounds."
Varia peered at her quizzically then realized what she meant and nodded. "I guess are we basically sisters-in-laws now."
Gabrielle blushed and shook her head. "That seems a bit extreme. We aren't even—"
"Has she fucked you?" Varia asked, her normal bravado and confidence returning and hitting Gabrielle like a train.
"What? No!" Gabrielle blurted.
"Huh," Varia replied. "So, she is planning on keeping you around then."
Gabrielle scoffed and fumbled for words.
Varia grinned and patted her on the thigh. "Don't worry, Gabrielle. I won't tell anyone."
After the emotional whirlwind that her morning had been, Gabrielle was glad she wasn't in the 18 for the game against Jamaica. Xena had made the 18 but was rumored not to play. So, Gabrielle was sitting alone in the seats outside the box reserved for the national team's staff and players. She was leaning forward and intensely focusing on the game when Aphrodite gracefully dropped into the seat beside her holding a glass of some brightly colored cocktail. Gabrielle had seen her briefly glance at her from the group of celebrity guest she had been entertaining when the young defender made her way outside without speaking to anyone.
"You know during the two years between M'Lila and Lao Ma, it was me that she yelled at and pushed away on this day. I'm assuming this year it was you?" Aphrodite asked with a compassionate half-smile.
Gabrielle scoffed as she shook her head. "So, she really does this every year too?"
"She always does."
"Eve is playing more physically than normal," Gabrielle pointed out.
Aphrodite peered down at the field and then back at Gabrielle with a nod. "She always does."
Gabrielle shook her head. "I was at a loss for what do to this morning. Maybe, I am too inexperienced for all this."
"Sweetie," Aphrodite replied dramatically. "I didn't know what do to either. And what am I? Old enough to be your grandmother?'
Gabrielle genuinely laughed.
Aphrodite smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Give her some time, Gabrielle. She'll come and plead for you to forgive her."
