Lost boy
Published: 03.08.2021
Wordcount: 10225
...
...
Chapter 6: Lost boy
Neverland I love you so, you are now my home sweet home
Forever a lost boy at last
Ruth b. Lost boy
...
...
Silence had settled between them once Shinichi had finished telling the tale of how they were acquainted. Their attention fully focused on climbing the vines and trunks of the jungle. Occasionally he could feel the vegetation tug at his clothing like invisible hands.
"No wonder he wouldn't let me keep the memories about you this time," the pirate finally spoke. His voice dry, but his attempt at smiling looked more like a grimace. "Thank you for believing me over him. I know how difficult it is to shake off Neverland's influence. How did you figure it out?"
"In a dream world made of lies. Truth is the villain."
This time, when he smiled, it was a genuine one albeit small. "You are not wrong, he did paint me as the bad guy."
"When did he shipwreck you?" he asked, his eyes darting in his direction. He had been waiting to ask, hoping it wasn't as he feared to believe.
"I don't know," he replied after a moment of thought. "You know how time feels different here. It could be a day ago or a year. But if I'd hazard a guess, it must have been shortly after you left. I had wondered what I'd done to deserve his wrath," his lips then twitched slightly into a humourless laugh. "I guess I know now."
"I'm sorry," Shinichi hadn't known this would be the consequences for his actions. It hadn't even occurred to him to worry about those he had left behind.
"Don't be," he grunted. "If what you are saying is the truth – and not like I have a reason to not believe you. I do, rest assure. But… it seemed it was the right choice to get you away from here. From him. Did you ever figure out what he wanted with you?"
"Yeah," he breathed, focusing back on his trek across the little corner of swamp they arrived at. Murky water already seeped into his shoes, and he grimaced slightly in disgust. "He needed my imagination."
"You were the storyteller," Hook mumbled to himself, as a light of understatement glinted in his eyes. "Then why did you return? You got away. You were safe. Why would you –"
"Kaito," he interrupted him with a sigh. He stopped and turned to face the pirate. There was no recognition in his eyes at the use of the name, and Shinichi tilted his head a little as he realized with a jolt. "You don't even remember the sound of your real name, do you?"
A shiver raked through the pirate's body, and his eyes widened slightly in surprise. He looked down on his hand and hook with sudden enlightenment. "I –" he licked his lips. "I have been Captain Hook for so long. Pirate captain of the Jolly Roger. I – I hadn't realized I had forgotten it was mine. It's been his for so long."
Shinichi took a step towards him and put a hand under his chin to make the other man meet his gaze. He could see a blush creep from the corner of his collar. "He took your face remember? And your name. We will get it back. I promise."
Kaito's eyelids fluttered slightly as another shudder shook through him. "Don't –" he croaked. "Don't promise things you won't be able to keep."
"I will," Shinichi said with a jutted chin. He would, even if it was the last thing he ever did.
Meeting his gaze finally, Shinichi could not help finding his features beautiful, even in the messy appearance. As a teen, he had been too focus on the panic of his situation to properly notice – he had been older than him too after all. But now they looked to be abruptly the same age. The cold sun glittering off his skin, and he could really need a hair and beard cut. However his eyes still shown of staunch determination. It made Shinichi's stomach flutter a little.
Realizing the thoughts shimmering in the corner of his mind, he dropped his hand and took a step back. Ending the moment.
"Like I was saying," he felt his tongue slow to start, as he turned around to keep walking. "I had to come back."
"Why?" Kaito sounded just as dazed for a moment, before his voice grew stronger. "Why did you come back for me and the lost boys?"
"Yes," he replied, "but also no."
"I don't understand," the pirate glanced at him with confusion, his brows knitting together.
"No one noticed at first," he started. "Probably because it happens to children all the time. The sugar sickness takes many young children. But then perfectly healthy kids would go to sleep and never wake up."
"Are you telling me," Kaito hesitated for a moment before realization dawned on him, "the shadow has been stealing away children in their sleep?"
"Not precisely," Shinichi glanced towards him with a saddened expression. "When he took me – and presumably you – he physically took us from our home. No, what he has been doing is to trap the dreamers, not letting them leave."
"Shit," he mumbled, dragging his hook across his lip. "I had noticed there were more dreamers and that they were acting odd. But I never thought – never comprehended, that he would ever do something like that. He is the keeper of Neverland. Of childhood dreams, he was never supposed to take any."
"Why did he?" he asked, curiosity filling his chest. It was a question he had wondered about for a decade now. He had never had the time to ask him as a child, and he was still curious about exactly what had happened between the two.
"He grew tired of being alone. Of everyone leaving," Kaito spoke with a low voice, as though he was lost in his memories. "I visited the most – and when my father died, I asked to stay. No I begged to stay. I didn't want to wake up and return to a reality where he was gone. So the shadow, understanding my plight, found a way to make it happen. At first, it was just the two of us."
"But then you grew bored?" Shinichi guessed, remembered the snippets of information he had overheard between the two.
"Yes," he wouldn't meet his eyes. The creases around his mouth tilting downward. It was a look of shame. "I asked if my friends could join us. Aoko and Hakuba were the first. Because of me, they are trapped here," he sounded bitter and filled with self-loathing.
"It isn't your fault," he tried. "You were a child, you couldn't have known."
"That doesn't help," Kaito practically growled, his jaw working on overtime as he clenched too tightly every time he spoke. "He turned her into a pixie when I didn't behave as he wanted, and separated us. She doesn't even remember me. I couldn't save her –"
"Kaito –" he wanted to reach out to the pirate and embrace him, but he recoiled from Shinichi the moment he took a step towards him. He faltered, wishing there was something he could do. He could tell the memories were too painful to visit. Instead, he decided to switch the topic. "So that's what you were trying to do, all those years ago. Save her?"
"Save all of them," Kaito nodded once again, and he raked his fingers through his hair. The curls bounced slightly under the movement. "Once the old gang were banished to be pirates with me, he took more and more children. Filling his island with imagination he could directly feed on. Until he found you," his eyes flickered in Shinichi's direction. "His little storyteller."
Shinichi felt his cheeks burn slightly, and he looked away. "Where are we going?" he mumbled instead, not knowing what to reply. It was something he had been wondering since the pirate pulled him into the jungle. Instead of asking, he had instead told his own story first.
"The black castle," he replied after a moment, understanding that they should get back to track. He looked slightly relieved at the change of topic, and his shoulders straigned slightly as he chased away the dark thoughts in order to focus fully back on the mission. "That's his lair. I've been trying to find it for a very long time."
"What is in there?"
"I don't know," the pirate admitted, his lips thin. "It might be a futile plan, but it's the only one I have. He has kept me away from there, so there has to be something important. It's the only thing that lets me sleep at night. I need to find them."
"Kaito," Shinichi hesitated, and finally asked the question that had been tickling on his tongue since he found the Jolly Roger shipwrecked on the beach. "Where is your crew? Where is Hakuba?"
The pirate's smile was filled with knives, "why do you think I'm desperately trying to find it."
He had been afraid of that, yet he still felt himself paling. He wondered how long Kaito had been on his own, but he did not dare ask this time. He didn't think he would like the answer. Instead he focused on their journey through the jungle. They had far too many people to save – the pirates, the lost boys, the natives and the sleeping children. They could not afford to fail their mission.
...
The sun had already set by the time they stumbled over a clearing. The jungle fell away to a cliff. Peering over it, they saw a smaller island underneath them. The clearing was circular, and Shinichi wondered how he had never noticed such a large place in the middle of the jungle before – he had spent so much time exploring it after all. He wondered slightly if the reason Neverland was ever shifting was so that the Lost boys would never accidentally stumble over this place.
"Castle black," Kaito breathed next to him, almost in awe. And if there were tears glistening in the corner of his eyes in relief, Shinichi made no comment.
Looking back at the island, he noticed with a start that it was shaped like a skull. There was no castle, but rather a large, natural cliff. A cliff in the shape of a human skull. He glanced back at the pirate.
"What's our plan?"
"I –" he looked both hesitant and embarrassed. "I don't have a plan. Truth be told, I never expect to get this far."
Shinichi's face fell, "you have been searching for this place for decades, and you have no plans?"
"Hey," the pirate protested, but Shinichi ignored him as he continued.
"You are ridiculous, you know that?"
His lips curled a little, hiding a fond smile. "I'm sorry. Not everyone can be tactical geniuses."
"Don't flatter me, Kaito. It doesn't befall you," he touched his chin and looked back towards the island. The good humour fell as he looked more thoughtful. "Why do you think we suddenly found it now?"
"I think –" the pirate's voice turned hollow. "I think he let us find it. He wanted you to come to him."
"I'm surprised he didn't greet me when I first arrived. Wouldn't that have been easier?"
"You misunderstand, he wanted you to want to come to him. Out of your own free will," the pirate looked uncertain, his lips thinning slightly in worry. It was clear he thought that the shadow wanted something with Shinichi, and he didn't like it one bit.
"Then let's give him exactly what he wants," he decided. He attempted to stand, but Kaito's hook grabbed his shoulder to press him back down. There was a glint of panic shinning in his eyes. Shinichi put a hand calming on his hook. "I'll be careful. Besides, if his attention is on me, it will give you the chance to search around for the others. Go rescue them, I got this okay? Believe in me."
The pirates didn't look convinced. There was still worry in the lines of his forehead. But he could tell there was nothing he could say to that would dissuade Shinichi. With a sigh he let go and nodded.
"Promise you will be careful? I can't lose you too."
"I'll do my best. We will find a way out. Together," he promised, this time when he stood, Kaito did not stop him.
…
Shinichi had not seen a way across to the island. Though he had dreaded the option of having to go for another swim, he could not see an alternative. With a deep inhale of breath through his nose, he waded into the water. The cold water lapped at him as he started to swim. The lights of the double moons reflected off the water: glittering like diamonds as it did.
He hoped to all hell that this plan would work – it wasn't fool proof by any stretch of the imagination, but it was the only one they had. They first had to rescue everyone, then find a way off the island. Somehow.
Something brushed against his foot, and he froze for a moment, as panic thrummed through him like electric eels. Swallowing slightly, he dared to look down. Underneath him he saw the large figure of… something. It was five times as big as the mermaids had been. A soft ticking hummed in his ears – and that's when he realized.
He had heard the stories from the other lost boys when he was younger, and he had written it into his book. But he had never had the pleasure – or displeasure – of seeing it with his own eyes. Underneath him, he knew with a certain apprehension, was the giant crocodile. The scourge of Neverland.
He gave into the panic as his feet kicked out and found himself splashing water around him as he threw himself forward in the water. In the back of his mind he knew that it was a terrible bad idea, but the rational thought was drowned out by the panicked voices telling him to get to dry land right this instant.
The moment he moved, he could also sense in the current that the crocodile pursued. He could feel the verbally breath of danger on his neck. His breath came out in hurried gasps and he swallowed a mouthful of water. Even as he coughed, he did not slow down, nor when he felt the fabric of his pants tear as something that felt oddly like a tooth grazed the skin. Pain jolted through him, and he didn't have to look to know that he was bleeding – leaving a trail of blood after him in the water.
His fingers finally brushed against the rocks of dry land, and he unceremoniously crawled out of the water as quickly as he could. He pushed himself backwards as far away from the edge as he could. He coughed another mouthful of water up, and he stared across the surface of the lake, waiting for the massive beast to appear. He had no illusion of safety, as he knew well that crocodiles could walk on dry land.
The seconds ticked by, however there was no evidence of his pursuer. Hesitating, he got up on his feet, wincing a little from the wound. Inspecting it, he was glad to see that it wasn't more serious than a graze. It would stop bleeding on its own in a few minutes. The crocodile was still nowhere to be seen. Feeling more bravery than he thought he could muster, he slowly inched towards the water.
Any second now, he was expecting the beast to jump out and devour him hole. Finally close enough, he leaned over to peer into the water. He could not see the shadow of the beast anywhere. The tension on his shoulders dropped slightly as he felt his breathing stabilizing. For whatever reason, the crocodile had not decided to pursue him. In the back of his mind, he wondered if the shadow had called back his guard dog. Whatever the reason, he was grateful for it.
Turning from the lake, he could finally get a better look at the cave. It towered above him, the eyeholes seemed to be staring into his soul, even as the grin of its mouth looked mischievous and hungry. The teeth looked like stalagmites ready to impale him if he walked underneath them. Cracking his neck, Shinichi knew what he had to do. He had to walk willingly into the mouth and be devoured as he entered the belly of the beast.
The first thing he noticed was the temperature dropping, and the echoing sound of dripping water. Shadows moved in the dark corners, and when he looked behind him, the entrance was gone. The only thing he could see was a wall of darkness. Swallowing with a trembling throat, he turned away and kept walking. Keep it together, he mumbled to himself as he steeled his mind. He had to be brave, and he had to do this. For the sake of the others. They were counting on him. Soon his footsteps drowned out the echo and all he could hear was the thrumming of his heart.
Eventually he turned a corner and entered a large cave. To his left was a pool of water, presumably leading out of the cave. A lone torch was lit in the middle of the room, and it danced from an invisible breeze. The rest of the room was luminated from the double moon that peaked through one of the eyeholes.
Shinichi stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. It seemed empty, however he felt like invisible eyes was watching him and the hair in the back of his neck stood. This time, the shiver that threatened to crawl down his spine from growing fear was successfully kept at bay. He would not give him the satisfaction to show how unnerved he was.
"I'm here," Shinichi called out. "Show yourself."
The only reply he got was the return of his words as they echoed back at him.
"Shadow," he raised his voice, "I know you are there. It would be the polite thing to introduce yourself."
The darkness shifted around him, but yet he could not see the familiar form of him. Shinichi bit his lip slightly. Why was he avoiding him? Sure being childish and playful was a part of his personality, but Shinichi had no patience for games right now. It had been too long and the journey too arduous, to want to deal with a petulant child. However, deep down he was certain he knew exactly what it was the shadow wanted, and he sighed deeply resignation.
"I'm home Kaito," he whispered into the dark. Before repeating it with a steadier voice.
Immediately the shadows moved across the walls and into the corners of the cave. They shifted around, until a figure stepped out from it. He looked just as Shinichi remembered – fifteen years old and with indigo eyes. Always a smile curling in the dip of his lips. He wore a white fedora with a light blue feather sticking out of it. The locks of his chocolate brown hair curled around his face. The whiteness of his tunica seemed a stark contrast to the darkness around him.
The resemblance to the pirate was unmistakable now. This version looked younger, more carefree, how Shinichi imaged that the pirate had looked once upon a time.
"Welcome home, Shinichi," the boy purred, his eyes intense and his lips curled into a coy expression.
He suddenly felt like the young teen he had been the first time they had met under the moonlight at his bedroom window. A whisper that wasn't his hummed through his mind, but he pushed it away, refusing to listen to the alluring tone.
"Where are the others?" he asked, watching him carefully. "What did you do to them?"
A hint of annoyance rippled through the shadow. "Is that a way to greet an old friend? Where is that courteous young man you used to be? Always painfully polite even amongst the wilderness of the jungle. You've grown up," he sounded almost forlorn mixed in with the petulance as he continued. "It doesn't suit you."
He refused to take the bait, "where are the pirates? I won't ask again."
"You used to be so much more fun than this," the shadow complained, rolling his eyes. He started to float off the floor, as he reached about two meters above Shinichi, forcing him to strain his neck to keep him in view, the boy threw his arms out. "Let's try this again," he boomed as he raised his voice.
"Welcome to Neverland, have a look around. We have pirates," he moved his fingers to point in the corner, and as he did the shadows shifted and revealed a few grown men dangling together from a rope. Immediately Shinichi recognized the blond locks of Hakuba – though they looked tattered and dirty.
"and natives," shadows on the other side of the room shifted again, and this time revealed the Indians. "And pixies abound. If nothing is of interest to you, you will be the first."
Shinichi more felt than saw movements from the corner of his eyes. He turned around, and saw the hollow faces of the Lost boys staring at him from the tunnel he had arrived in. They were blocking it. His heart jumped in his throat as he recognized them, and he took a step forward automatically, until he realized that none of them recognized him. Heiji's eyes were glassy as though he wasn't aware of the situation. Sitting on top of his shoulder was the dim light of Aoko.
Looking around the room, Shinichi realized that what he had originally thought was shadows and darkness on the walls, was in fact the dark silhouettes of the dreamers. This must be the trapped children. He turned back to the flying boy, and clenched his jaw from anger.
"What did you do to them? Let them go."
"Why would I do that?" the shadow laughed and it echoed across the room. It was not a kind laugh, and its sent a shiver of cold fear through him. "They are my audience after all. We have fun, so much fun."
Shinichi detected a movement above the shadow, and he noticed now that there was a ledge. It only took a second longer to spot the glint of metal as it moved, and he realized that it was Kaito. He focused back on the shadow, he had to keep him occupied.
"It was fun," he agreed, trying to placate the boy. "But all fun comes to an end. That's what it means to grow up. It's time to let them all go."
"No," the dark of his voice sent a tremble through the room. "I need them here. To keep me company. I don't want to be alone again. You left me Shinichi."
"I'm sorry," he started, but his apology drowned out as the boy continued talking.
"I just wanted to give you everything all of the time, a little bit of anything. Here in Neverland apathy is a tragedy and boredom is a crime, and you threw it all away," the bitterness was evident from the tone of his voice to the clenching of his jaw. He practically glowed from the betrayal. "So I found someone else who would enjoy everything I could give them. In fact, I found all of them. Aren't they beautiful?" his attention shifted to the shadows on the fall.
All the dreaming children. He had the distinct feeling that they were watching them, as though they instinctively knew the importance of what was happening. It was difficult to discern any detail of their features, as the dark outlines fused into each other. Some where taller, and some where shorter, however he could clearly tell that none of them were large enough to be an adult.
"You never wanted an audience," Shinichi's stomach clenched at the realization that this had all happened because of him. He had considered the possibility, but the confirmation left a painful gnawing in his stomach. They were all trapped here due to his actions. "You wanted someone to dream with –"
"Everyone left me," the shadow snarled, twisting the otherwise youthful expression into something ugly and inhumane, "but they cannot. They don't have any choice but to stay."
Shinichi looked from the dreamers, to the pirates, to the Indians, and finally towards the lost boys. His shoulders fell a little. There was nothing he could do to save them all, was there? His whole mission had been for naught. Even if they could get the ones with a physical body off the island, nothing would stop the shadow from taking more. Hell, Shinichi didn't even know how to get the dreamers back to their own bodies.
His attention shifted back to the flying boy. He could see him properly now. He could see the pain radiating across his face; he didn't want to be alone. He had done all of this, because he was tired of being all on his own again. He was just a lonely, lost boy. Shinichi couldn't blame him, he had not enjoyed the loneliness of his childhood. It was an emotion he could understand. But stealing away children in their sleep was not the answer.
"What if," he licked his lips, making up his mind. "What if I stayed?"
All sound disappeared from the room. The rushing of water gone, the breathing of the crowd, and the movement of Kaito above him as he had started to lift the rope holding the pirates' inch by inch.
The shadow titled his head a little, and he could tell he had his whole attention now. The darkness across his face settled, and out peered the once again youthful face. He looked somehow younger now, more exposed and vulnerable.
"No natives, not pirates, no lost boys," Shinichi continued, "just you and me."
"Just you and me," the shadow echoed, and the last of the anger and sadness suddenly drained away as something akin to hope started to blossom across his features. "Would you stay, willingly, with me?"
"Yes," he breathed out, holding out his hand towards him as the shadow of the young boy started to descent. "If you send them all home. The dreamers too, and promise to never take another, then I will stay willingly with you. Forever."
"Shinichi," someone yelled above him, but his whole attention was now on the shadow who was staring at him with a new light. It looked like he was trying to see any lies in Shinichi's face, but could not find any. Because he meant every word.
"Don't do this. You don't have to do this."
The voiced came from far away, like through the rushing of a waterfall. Yet Shinichi knew it was not magic that drowned it out. There was no Neverland or shadows whispering in his mind to persuade him to stay. No, his mind was blissfully silent for once.
The thought of staying no longer frightened him. No, in fact it had never frightened him. He had spent the better part of a decade attempting to go back. He breathed Neverland, dreamt of it when he slept, hell his entire adult life had been spent obsessing over it. He had even made his debut as an author writing about Neverland and Peter Pan. No, Kuroba Kaito, his shadow. Without it, he wouldn't know what to do.
His sacrifice wasn't as selfless as he thought, and with a flicker of his lips he thought. No, I don't have to. But I want to. I'm sorry Kaito.
The shadow finally landed in front of him, and hesitantly accepted Shinichi's outstretched hand. Eyes still searched his, attempting to look for deceit or hesitation. When he found none, a large grin spread across his lips.
"I knew you were the one. I accept."
"Shinichi," roared captain Hook, and Shinichi was vaguely aware of him rushing at them. At some point he must have dropped to the floor. Panic rippled through the pirate's face, and his hand was attempting to reach them in time. Shinichi could see his thoughts reading clearly across his face, one of betrayal
We were supposed to leave together. You promised.
Then, everything turned black.
…
He was fifteen years old again, running through the jungle with Kaito by his side. They bathed in the sunlight and watched the colourful stars. They played chicken by the giant waterfall, to see who managed to stand upright in the pressure the longest before they were swept to sea. They played in the snow on the mountain, building massive forts as they threw snowball at each other.
It was only the two of them. Him and Kaito. The Lost Boys, but they never ran out of fun. One morning Shinichi stumbled across a shipwreck. He searched through it curiously, before returning to their home at the hangman's tree to tell the other all about it.
"I didn't know there were any pirates," he had grinned with windswept hair and sun kissed cheeks.
"There used to be," Kaito had replied his head tilting and eyes glittering from the fire. "But they are long gone now."
"What happened to them?" he asked curiously.
"Chased off, never to return."
He chewed on that for a moment, before accepting it. He grabbed his fork and started to eat, after a moment, and with a mouth full with fruit, he asked. "Do you think they left any treasure on the island? Maybe there is a treasure map hidden in the ship."
"We should definitely check in the morning," Kaito's excitement mirrored his.
In the morning, they returned to the shipwreck. After searching through it, they found a map stuck to the wall with a hook. He had removed it excitingly. It hadn't been there yesterday, but that didn't matter to him as he didn't find it odd. Perhaps he had just overlooked it out of excitement.
"Look Kaito, there used to be a pirate with a hook. I wonder if his name was hook, or what if he was the captain. I bet his name would be Captain Hook!"
Kaito hummed at him, more interested in the map that they stretched between them. "Would his name be Hook because of the hook, or was it his name originally, and it just one big coincidence. What do you think?"
Shinichi laughed at him, "now you are thinking about it too much."
They grinned at that, and spent the rest of the day following the map. Eventually they stumbled over the corner of a chest sticking out of the mud. Digging it up with their hands, they found a wooden box filled with treasure. The gold and jewels glittered back at them.
"This is going to look amazing in the living room," Shinichi crooned as they brought it back. Their home had too many corridors and alcoves and rooms, so they had pushed together two beds in the living room so they could watch each other sleep. There was a comfort in number.
"Why do you get to decide?" Kaito pouted, but his eyes dipped softly to indicate he agreed. He had taken one of the golden crowns they had found and put it on his head. It dipped into his eyes if he moved too quickly. "I am the king, shouldn't I have the casting vote?"
"If you are the king, then I am the queen. And everyone knows the king listens to the queen," he grinned back playfully, pushing the chest against the wall. He pulled back and put his arms on his hips. He liked it there. It was perfect.
Kaito wrapped his arms around him and leaned his head on his shoulder. The curls of his hair tickled against Shinichi's neck. "Alright fine, you are right as always."
…
Shinichi liked to watch the mermaids sunbathing, but the girls would mostly avoid them. For some reason they didn't like Kaito, and he had never bothered asking why. But when Shinichi was alone, they wouldn't always immediately flee. One morning the other mermaids ran the moment he stepped out of the jungle – stumbling as he stepped on a snake.
One remained. She watched him with slitted eyes. Her hair brown and reached her hips.
Frozen to his spot, he watched her, holding his breath, expecting her to run the moment he made a movement like a frightened animal. When all they did was to stare at each other, he slowly moved forward until he sat on a stone peering at her curiously.
"You have a beautiful tail," he said with awe in his voice. Watching as the tail glittered with the colours of the rainbow.
Her lips curled ever so slightly, "you know. Your window to leave is closing rapidly."
He tilted his head in confusion. "Why would I ever want to leave? There is nowhere to go."
The mermaid suddenly looked sad, "he kept his promise. They are all gone. Even the dreamers. Without them… That doesn't bode well for you. I think," she hesitated, pity now laced her voice, "I'm so sorry. But I think it's too late now."
"That's okay," he smiled at her. "I'm exactly where I want to be."
"Oh my little lost boy," she sighed as she reached out, her webbed fingers rasping against his chin. It sent pleasant sparkles across his skin form the contact. "He will eat you all up. Until there is nothing left."
When they parted ways, he sat by the shore waving her off, before returning to Kaito as the sun started to dip in the horizon. Something told him not to share the interaction with the mermaid on the beach, and so he didn't.
The days continued, and he noticed that the nights started to last longer. That didn't matter, as he slept more now. Whenever he opened his eyes, dawn started, so he always felt like he didn't miss any time. During their explorations one day, they stumbled over some odd huts in the tree. It looked like it had been abandoned a long time ago – even as their items were still where they had left them.
When he asked, Kaito told him about the Native Indians that used to live in the trees, and he was fascinating to learn the rules of goatball. They played until the sun went down, and slept in one of the huts, curled against each other.
When it rained, they would spend their time playing cards or play hide and seek. Or they would sit by the fire and Kaito would listen to him with interest as he told him stories. Either some that he knew or some that he made up on the spot. He never ran out of them, his memory bottomless and his imagination unwavering. Sometimes his hand would shake a little when telling stories to his captive audience, but he would clench it and sit on it to stop the trembling.
Shinichi felt himself stumbling more, falling and getting scrapes that were gone in the morning. Now the sun was only up for a few hours a day, which suited him just fine as he tired quickly. It rained more often – and if Shinichi didn't know better, he would have believed it was the island itself attempting to keep him from going outside. What a ludicrous idea.
One afternoon as they climbed trees, his feet suddenly gave out on him, and he clung to the branch until Kaito flew up to save him. His feet trembled too much to properly walk home, and Kaito tucked him in bed. He could tell something bothered his friend, as a line of worry had etched itself into his forehead. For a while now, he had felt Kaito watching him silently whenever he thought he couldn't see him.
He wanted to reach out to reassure him he was fine, but had fallen asleep before he could go through with the motion. He woke after an undetermined time. Fingers raked through his hair, and he opened his eyes slowly to see Kaito stare down at him with dark eyes. He managed a soft smile in greeting.
Shinichi lay with his head on his lap, fingers brushing softly through his locks.
"What time is it?" he mumbled, sleep still thick in his voice. However he knew it was a pointless question to ask, as he could see the morning light shine through the little window high above them. "How long was I asleep?" he switched his question.
"A while," was the only response he got, and he frowned slightly at the tone in his friend's voice. He attempted to sit up, but was unceremoniously pushed back. He didn't have the energy to resist. He blinked up staring curiously at him.
"I think we will spend the day in bed," Kaito explained with a twist of his lips. "You need some more rest after almost falling yesterday."
"Alright," he murmured, his eyelids fluttering slightly as the grooming of his hair resumed. "You have a point. I am still really tired. But that doesn't mean I'll boring and sleep," he managed a soft grin, watching the bobbing of Kaito's head. "Have I ever told you the story about Alice in wonderland?"
"No stories today," he hushed him gently. Kaito moved them around, until they lay head to head, curled up against each other. "Just sleep, Shinichi. Okay? Don't worry about me and my entertainment."
Shinichi wanted to complain, that it really wasn't any trouble at all. However with lips brushing against his eyelids he couldn't help his eyes from falling shut again. Exhaustion tingled from the tip of his toes, and he fell into a deep, comfortable dreamless sleep.
…
Shinichi woke from the sound of bird chirping, and he could feel the sun shining through his eyelids. A soft groan escaped his lips and he lifted an arm to cover them. He knitted his eyebrows together slightly, the sun never shone properly into the hangman's tree, nor did the birds tend to chirp that close to home.
As the realization set in, the smell of dust and soap tickled his nose. The sound of a door opening and closing had him drop his arm in surprise as his eyelids flickered opened. Staring straight up he could see a familiar ceiling. He had watched the water stained shaped like an elephant grow throughout his childhood.
He sat up, his chest thrumming in surprise. Looking around he could see the familiar desk and the bookshelves. The window was closed. He was home – he was laying in his childhood bed in Tokyo. How was he home? The last thing he recalled was falling asleep in Kaito's arms – no, not Kaito. The shadow's arms. He remembered now.
He heard movements from the corridor, and he turned to watch as someone stepped into the room – he vaguely noticed that the door was already opened. Must be why he heard a door earlier. Captain Hook – no Kaito. That was the real Kaito – stared at him with wide eyes. He had cut his hair and shaved. He was still missing a hand, but there were no hook replacing it.
"You are awake," he breathed out, almost as he hadn't been expecting it before he could see it with his own eyes. He stumbled to the bed and sank on the floor next to the bed. He hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and grabbing Shinichi's hand in his. "He let you go."
"I –" he remembered now. The promise he had made the shadow. That he would willingly stay with him forever, if he let the others go. The dreamers too. "How am I here?"
Kaito chuckled softly, "you are a self-sacrificing prick, you know that?" he looked soft, almost fond. "You were suddenly just laying in the bed last night. We kept vigil to see if you would wake up or not. I don't know how it happened, but I am damn glad it did."
Shinichi squeezed his hand slightly, just to reassure himself that he was actually here. It must be why Kaito had grabbed his as well. They needed the reassurance it wasn't a dream. "Is everyone alright? Did it work?"
"Yes of course," his expression turned a little more serious, to make sure Shinichi believed him. "We all woke up here in the house. Me, Heiji, Kazuha, Aoko, Hakuba and the others. We didn't know where to go, so some of us decided to stay. The dreamers woke up too," he hurried to reassure. "Your stupid sacrifice worked. You saved us all."
"Oh thank god," his face burned at the knowledge as relief shook through him, and he felt lightheaded as he fell back to the pillow. "I'm glad you are all safe."
"Of course," Kaito nodded, "he would keep his promises. Neverland might have been created by lies, but he wouldn't deceive you."
"I was certainly hoping it would be the fact," he sat up again, feeling as though he had spent enough time in bed as is. He felt restless and briming with energy in light of his new situation. He attempted to move out of bed, his upper body already lurching forward to follow the motion. Realizing his feet wasn't following, he fell straight into Kaito's confused arms.
The arms wrapped around him, and Kaito stared at him with wide eyes as he helped him sit back up on the bed. This close up he could see unshed tears clinging against his eyelids from the share relief of seeing Shinichi home safe and sound. The delight was now exchanged with worry and a hint of panic curling on the edges of his voice as he spoke. "Is something wrong, Shinichi?"
He didn't pay attention to Kaito's increasingly worried tone as panic thrummed through his veins. He attempted to move his toes, but could not even feel them. He threw the blanket off and froze. His feet looked a little shrivelled and purple. With horror, he looked back at Kaito who had parted his lips in shock.
"I can't feel my legs," he managed to speak through trembling lips.
Kaito slowly reached for the blanket and tucked them back over his legs in an attempt to keep Shinichi from staring in abject horror. He kept his expression carefully blank, in order to not alarm him any further.
"How long was I gone?" he asked, his mind starting to feel numb.
"About half a year," Kaito attempted to meet his gaze, and he could see clearly worry in the lines of his forehead breaking through his attempt at an impassive expression . It slightly reminded him of the last expression he had seen on the shadow. "It seems like even your endless imagination wasn't enough to keep him fed. He started eating away at your life force."
"Must be why he let me go in the end," he whispered, but recoiled when Kaito's hand brushed against his arm. With a pained expression the ex-pirate dropped his hands as he got back up.
"He must have cared enough in the end, that he didn't want you to die," he gazed down at him, but Shinichi refused to read the expression, refused to accept pity mixed with guilt in his friend's facial features. "I'm glad you are back. I'll go find the others and tell them the good news."
Shinichi could not really pay attention as the other's walked into the room a few minutes later. He faked a smile as he greeted them all. It was odd seeing Aoko as a person rather than a small fairy. But her smile brightened the room, and he could see that Hakuba could barely take his hands off her. Heiji and Kazuha also seemed to circle each other with affection in their body language. They told him about what had transpired whilst he had been gone.
He was happy to see them all, see them safe and sound. They had moved into the guest rooms. There were four rooms in the upstairs corridor. Hakuba and Aoko had taken one, Heiji and Kazuha the second and Kaito the third. The last, the one he was in currently had been sitting vacant since Heiji moved in with Kazuha after confessing having loved her for decades, but had never been able to utter the words. He had been physically kept from it by magic.
The dining hall had been cleared and dusted – he had closed it for years, not having any use of it, and all the furniture had been covered in sheets. But the other's enjoyed dining together and it was always set for six, even if one of the couple's couldn't make it for a meal.
Shinichi got used to sitting in a wheelchair, and Kaito always insisted on helping him up the stairs to his bedroom at night. With his arm under his legs and a hand on his shoulder, his head pressed against the other's chest. He could hear the pirate's steady and calm heartbeat. It quickly turned into his favourite time a day.
They visited his cousin several times over the next few months. She had adopted Genta and Mitsuhiko and the boys got along swell with Conan. They quickly became best friends. His nephew had never been the most popular child, and he was glad to see he had finally gotten some friends. The group seems to have attracted the attention of a young girl who gladly ran around the park with them.
He was eternally grateful for his cousin, but she had just slapped his hand away and said that of course she would have taken in the two lost boys. They were such sweethearts.
They were in the park that day, he, Kaito and the kids. They watched as the children ran from the pond, feeding the ducks seeds – Shinichi had warned them that bread was not good for the birds, before running to the ice cream shop. Shinichi had gladly given them some money and watched with fondness as they excitingly picked out their treats.
"Do you miss it?" Kaito looked down at him, his head tilted slightly, and the sun glittered slightly off his chin.
The sun felt dimmer in the real world, he had vaguely thought. The moon was too far away, and the lack of the second smaller one made the evening sky more depressing. More lonely. Even the stars here only twinkling in one colour as well.
"Miss what?"
"Neverland," he said it with such easy flippancy, pretending to look relaxed, but from the tightening of the skin around the eyes he knew Kaito worried about him.
Truth be told, he missed a lot of things. He missed running through the jungle, he missed the feeling of air through his hair, the feeling of sand underneath his toes. He missed swimming with mermaids. The real world felt dreary and colourless. Yes, he had grown up, become an adult, but it really wasn't as good as it was cracked up to be. For a short while he had gotten to relive his childhood, he treasured that.
Most of all, he missed walking, of not being bound to this hellish chair. He had lost his freedom – in Neverland everything he imagined would become real – but here… here he had to struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Something he couldn't even do on his own.
But that didn't mean absolutely everything was dreary. The glances he shared with Kaito had his insides heat up. The little secret smile the pirate would wear when they were alone left his chest fluttering. He couldn't have survived the real world without him, he was certain.
"No," he lied. "Of course not. We are free now."
Kaito's smile was blinding as he reached for his hand that had been resting on the armchair. He laced their fingers together. The moment lasted until the children returned with ice cream.
That evening, the table was only set for five people. He didn't really notice, as he had been struggling with his appetite for a few days. He moved around the food on his place, his stomach gnawed painfully and he could not find the effort to swallow.
"Your parents sent a telegram earlier," Aoko's voice rose from the murmur he had been zoning out, and he turned his attention to her.
"Oh? What did they want?" he asked curiously. He hadn't really seen them for a while. In fact before he went back to Neverland the second time, he hadn't seen them for about a year, as they had settled in London. He had always meant to visit, but never had found the time.
"Apparently they are back in Tokyo, and wanted to come for brunch on Wednesday," she grinned at him. "You weren't home, so I accepted on your behalf."
"Thank you, Aoko, it was the right thing to do," he smiled softly at her, feeling a little bit more rejuvenated at the thought of seeing them again. When he picked up his food and ate, he felt Kaito's pleased eyes on him. The pirate must have noticed he wasn't eating properly.
They retreated to the library after the meal, and they sat listening as Kaito handed him a book. He read from the book, though he didn't see the words on paper. He only used it as a prop, long since memorized them by heart. It had been a habit in Neverland, and it seemed to have continued into the awaken world. He didn't mind it, it made him feel useful.
Everything else had to be done for him – carrying him to bed, to the toilet, outside, cook and clean for him. This was the only thing he could give back, and they never seemed to grow tired of listening to him tell stories.
If his left hand shook a little as he held the book, no one commented on it.
The next day was spent deep cleaning the house and dusting the books. Mostly he sat watching as he instructed them to what to do, and they did it willingly as they chattered and sang between them. They had the same energy for when they helped chase a large snake from the Indian settlement. He adored them all, and thanked them several times for helping.
He wanted the house to look clean and pristine for when his parents came visiting.
That evening, there was only four plates set at dinner. Kazuha and Heiji who used to sit next to Kaito on the left side of the table were noticeably missing. It made the room feel a little empty. He considered asking, but did not want to intrude if the couple had previous plans. Perhaps going to the opera like they had mentioned a few days prior.
Two days later he was woken by Kaito brushing his fingers through his hair gently. Once he noticed Shinichi's eyes fluttering open, a small smile curled on his lips.
"Good morning sleepy head," he murmured softly, his eyes a warm liquid. He was propped against the matrass. His fingers brushed against a spot that sent a warm shiver down Shinichi's spine. He could get used to waking up like this, he thought silently. "I tried to wake you earlier but you were fast asleep. I thought I'd let you sleep till your parents got here –"
Shinichi sat up abruptly, almost head-butting him in his hurry. "They are here already?" his breath hitched in his throat. "But they weren't supposed to be here before noon. Why didn't you wake me? There is so much to do – "
"Relax," Kaito chuckled softly, his smile turning into a grin. "Everything has been taken care of. All you have to do is show up."
"Then let's go," he groused out, not particularly happy about sleeping in. "Help me get dressed."
Kaito propped him on the bed, helped him get dressed in one of his better suits without looking like he was trying, and carried him down the stairs. They went directly to the wintergarden, where they had planned to serve the brunch. Some flowers were still alive despite it being in the middle of winter.
The table was set for four.
He placed Shinichi on his chair, propped up the pillows for him and put a blanket over his legs. A hand lingered on his shoulder, before he left to get their guests.
Looking around, Shinichi relaxed into the seat. The afternoon sun shone through the glass, bathing the room in natural light. The trees outside had no leaves on it, but he could not wait for spring to watch them blossom.
"Shin-chan," his mother crooned the moment she walked into the room. She looked just as lovely as ever, like age hadn't touched her yet. Her eyes were lit, and she embraced him with a kiss on his cheek. His father followed behind her, the grey tips of his moustache the only indication of age. He didn't hug his son, instead he gave him a nod.
They sank into to the chairs opposite of him.
"It's been so long," his mother moaned, but brightened up as Kaito appeared with tea. They him watched silently for a moment as he poured the hot liquid into the cups. "Why are you always too busy to accept our invitation to London, Shin-chan? We are dying to show off our new place. I don't understand why you decided to buy your childhood home."
"Because I like it here mother," he replied, the same one he had every time she asked that particular question. The house had also been his only proper link to Neverland. He had always hoped it would give him a larger chance of returning if he had the original window. "But perhaps I should come to London one of these days. I miss travelling."
She smiled brightly, looking happy at the news, then her gaze sharpened a little as she looked around. "Would you be bringing a girl with you? I can notice the absence of one. Is that why you haven't found the time to see your old parents?" she looked coy from underneath the fluttering of her eyelashes.s
He rolled her eyes at the attempt to guilt-trip him, and his gaze met Kaito's over the table. A small grin tucked at the corner of the pirate's lips in reply, as to sympathize with Shinichi's plight, even as he found it amusing.
"No mother, there are no girls in my life," his gaze did not waver from Kaito's, and he felt his cheeks burn slightly. No, there certainly where no girls in his life. A boy on the other hand –
Yukiko looked disappointed, her lip curling upwards into a pout, "that's alright. Our neighbour in London has a daughter your age. I can introduce you to her when you come visit –"
He let out a suffering sigh, and picked up the porcelain cup with his left hand. He attempted to take a sip, however the cup trembled a slightly, and the warm liquid sloshed over and down his hand. After a second of confusion, he realized it was his hand that was shaking. He quickly put it back down before anyone noticed.
"Why are you here," he decided to ask, cutting her off from describing the poor girl.
"I need a reason to visit my own son?" she looked slightly offended, but calmed down when his father put a hand over hers and squeezed slightly. "I'm just worried about you," she looked softer now, perhaps a little older too as the crow's feet around her eyes were visible. "Whenever I don't hear from you in a while, I get antsy. You already disappeared twice when you were young. We should never have left you alone. We are so, very sorry. We would never have done it if we knew what would have happened."
Her eyes glowed of regret, and he couldn't look at her anymore. His heart thrummed in his chest at the apology – he had never resented them for leaving. He had only felt saddened at the fact they had left him alone on his own. If they hadn't, none of this would have happened. But on the other hand, he would never have gotten to visit Neverland, made so many friends and met Kaito –
No, he wouldn't have taken any of it back. Not for anything. As an adult, he understood his parents a lot better than he did as a child. He would not trade his friendships for his parent's unconditional love.
"It's alright," he smiled at them, knowing it was the truth. "You couldn't have known. What's in the past is in the past."
They both looked relieved at being absolved of their actions, and the conversation turned a lot more easy going as they updated each other on their lives. However after an hour he felt his energies sapped, and he sunk further into his chair. He struggled to answer her questions as his mind was filled with a tired haze, and his tongue didn't want to work as he wanted it to as he stumbled over a few words.
Kaito must have noticed, as he started to take the plates back into the kitchen. His parents took the hint as they got up and bid them farewell. He watched them go with a warm feeling in his chest as he promised to come visit them soon. After their conversation, he felt a little bit more at ease, as though he had gotten some closure he hadn't realized he needed.
"Alright, I've cleaned everything. Time to get you back upstairs. Do you need to use the facilities before you go to bed?"
Shinichi turned towards him in confusion. Go back to bed? But he just woke up. He opened his lips to tell him just that, when he suddenly noticed that the sun had set and the moon was starting to rise. He stared out the window in confusion, not understanding what he was seeing in front of his very eyes.
In the end, all he could reply was a stuttering no, he did not have to go to bathroom. Kaito helped him back to the staircase. He felt himself shiver slightly, and relaxed into the warm hands. He felt cold for some reason.
"You had a very exciting day," Kaito murmured against his shoulder blade.
"Yeah," he mumble back, "it was good to see them. I didn't realize how much I've missed them before now."
Arriving at the top of the stairs, they went into the only door in the hallway. Kaito helped him out of his clothes and laid him back in bed. He tucked the pillows up and put the cover gently over him.
"I'm glad to hear it. You deserved a good day," Kaito beamed at him. "Sleep tight now. I'll be just downstairs, if you need me just holler."
Shinichi stopped him from moving away by wrapping a hand around his wrist. He flushed slightly, "do you want to stay?" he licked his lip nervously. "You don't have to sleep on the couch on my account. My bed is big enough for the both of us." He always felt bad he only had the one bedroom, forcing Kaito to sleep on the uncomfortable couch. Good thing it was only the two of them in the house, lest he would be a terrible host.
Kaito gazed at him for a quiet moment, with several emotions twirling around in his eyes. In the end they soften into a molten warmth. "I'd love to."
Shinichi could not help but blush at the tender expression. He was moved a little and manoeuvred until Kaito slid into the free and opened space. He careful put an arm over Shinichi's chest and laid on his side. His eyes gazed up at him, he could see a nervous edge on his friend's face. "Let me know if you want me to move –"
Shinichi put a hand over his, and smiled softly. "No, this is perfect."
With another echo of goodnight, Kaito closed his eyes and started to snore almost immediately. Shinichi couldn't help the soft expression on his face in affection. He felt himself drift to sleep, yet he kept his eyes open as he looked down at him.
From this angle, Kaito looked younger. The shadows around his face shifted a little as time trickled by. He both looked ten years younger and like his face was made of shadows. Shinichi's left hand started to shake again, and this time he could not make it stop. He looked from his shaking hand, to the sleeping man next to him with a thoughtful expression.
As his eyes darted towards the window, and in the reflection of the glass, he could swear he could see a second, smaller blue moon hovering next to the larger one. His eyelids fluttered close, as drowsiness waved through him.
In the morning he had forgotten he ever had any use of his left arm.
…
…
THE END
In a dream world made of lies. Truth is the villain.
Until next time,
Cesela
