AN: BOO! I'M BACK! Bet you didn't expect to see me updating this again ;)

It's been forever, I know, but if you are reading this right now then thank you so much for still wanting to read this story! I'm hoping to be writing some more in the relatively near future, so keep your eyes peeled!

For now, however, I hope you enjoy this new chapter ^-^ (be warned, I only proof-read half of it :D)


Jim had expected his separation from Joanna to gradually worsen over the first year or so until it got to the point where he couldn't miss her anymore and simply accepted it as a part of life in deep, deep outer space.

He hadn't expected to be missing his honorary niece so much it was almost painful after less than two months.

To give him some credit, he was focused when it counted; he'd only been to the med bay once since they set off, and it was for a minor injury that took Bones all of ten minutes to sort out. When they were on a mission, he was focused, determined and, overall, very optimistic.

However, in between the excitement, he was fidgety, touchy and snappy towards most people. His interest in official reports had considerably lessened, though many members of the crew were surprised that this was even possible. Spock had taken note of Jim's good days and bad days and was incredibly efficient when it came to advising the crew on when, and, more importantly, when not, to approach him with any and all questions and queries.

The only people Jim always seemed to be on good terms with were Bones and Carol. The doctor was taking the separation from his daughter about as well as Jim was but, unlike Jim, he had chosen to keep this to himself. Part of him wanted to confront his best friend about his mood swings; the other part warned him to stay as far away from the topic as possible for the fear of having his head (and, undoubtedly, other body parts) bitten off in Jim's rage.

Carol, however, had no such reservations.

Jim had just walked back to his room after getting off duty on the Bridge when the knock came at his door. He sighed irritably, throwing his yellow shirt onto his bed, having just taken it off, his intent having been to have an hour long shower before eating as much as his stomach could hold and then sleeping for approximately eleven hours.

He opened the door with a frown on his face, which immediately softened as Carol raised her eyebrows at his expression.

"You don't have to look so miserable, you know," she said, nudging past him to get into his room. She was wearing black trousers and a blue science officer shirt that was slightly too big for her that Jim knew she used for lounging around when she wasn't working. He'd seen her in similar attire so many times that it shouldn't affect him, but he was still caught slightly off-guard.

"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?" he asked, smirking slightly as he closed the door behind her. Carol rolled her eyes after flopping onto his sofa.

"I think you may have done," she said, pretending to think, "Though it wouldn't hurt for you to say it again." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"You're beautiful." He murmured. Carol smiled.

"Well, you seem like you're in a good mood," she said as he stood upright and moved to get them some drinks, "It almost seems a shame to put you in a bad one." Jim frowned, glancing back at her.

"You? Put me in a bad mood?" he checked, "That doesn't sound possible…" Carol raised her eyebrows again, accepting the drink he passed her.

"You need to get over Joanna." She told him as he sat down. Jim was silent for a moment.

"Well, look at that," he muttered, "I was wrong. Bad mood: activated." Carol sighed.

"Jim, honestly? You're being kind of pathetic," she said bluntly, "Yes, okay, she means a lot to you, I get that. But you are being given the chance of a lifetime on this ship and all you seem to be doing is pining over Joanna!"

Jim sighed, slightly irritable, "Can we not talk about this?" he said pleadingly, "Can't we just cuddle and watch a movie and maybe have sex later?" Carol rolled her eyes.

"Your subtlety is astounding," she commented dryly, "And no we can't not talk about this." Jim sipped at his drink before talking again.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked her quietly, "That I'm stupid for missing her? That I should just forget that she exists?! Because I can't do that, Carol. I just can't."

Carol reached forward and took one of his hands in hers, "I'm not saying that you should forget her, Jim," she replied, "But you need to stop taking your anger about not seeing her out on everyone else. Have you not noticed that people tiptoe around you? Isn't it clear to you that they're all feeling a bit lost without you to guide them?" Jim didn't reply.

Carol sighed, letting go of his hand and sitting back, "Has it occurred to you to speak to McCoy about how you're feeling?"

"Good god, no," Jim scoffed, "That would be ridiculous!" Carol raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, right, I see," she said sarcastically, "So scaring the living daylights out of your crew, that's logical, but actually talking to your best friend about your feelings is insane? That makes perfect sense."

Jim sighed irritably, "That's not what I meant!" he snapped, "I meant that Bones is probably feeling the same way I am and he has way more of a right to feel that way than I do!"

"Exactly!" Carol exclaimed, "And do you see him snapping at people very three seconds? Because I certainly don't!" she stood up, abandoning her drink on the table, "Go and talk to him," she said firmly, before leaving Jim alone in his rom.

"Wha- Carol, wait!" Jim stood up to stop her but she was gone before he'd even left the sofa. He flopped down again, rubbing a hand over his face as he thought over everything she'd said.

He knew she was right; he knew how he was acting was stupid and uncalled for. But he really couldn't help it; the way he saw it, every minute not spent on an actual mission was a minute he could be spending with Joanna. She wasn't even his kid, for god's sake...

But she was Bones' kid. And he'd been practically ignoring his best friend since they set off on the mission he'd wanted so badly, once upon a time. Not only was he acting like he had exclusive rights to miss Joanna, he hadn't even bother to properly look into how his best friend was dealing with it.

Jim stared at the two half-full beer bottles on his table before groaning quietly, reaching into the cabinet next to the sofa and pulling out a bottle of scotch he'd been saving in case of an emergency.

Jim Kirk had never known a more serious emergency than having to have a heart-to-heart with Doctor Leonard McCoy.


Call it intuition, foresight or plain old I've-known-him-for-far-too-long-and-should-just-expect-this-at-all-times, but Bones somehow knew that Jim would turn up on his doorstep that night. This was why he left his door ajar, sat on the couch in the comfiest clothes he could find, a bottle of vodka and two glasses on the table (normally he'd have opted for scotch but something told him he was going to need to get drunk fast).

Jim knew that Bones was expecting him the second he saw the open door. He pushed it open, walking in and closing it behind him. He caught sight of his best friend, then the alcohol, holding up his own bottle with a smirk.

"Great minds think alike, right?" he said quietly, walking to drop onto the couch next to him.

"Yeah. Something like that," Bones replied. "So, are we getting drunk first so that we barely have a clue what we're talking about, or drunk after so we forget everything?" Jim shrugged.

"Couldn't hurt to do a little bit of both," he muttered, opening his bottle and filling their glasses, passing one to his friend before picking up his own. They clinked their glasses together before downing the contents in one go, quickly moving to refill them.

"We gonna start talking any time soon?" Bones muttered after their fifth round, "Because, not going to lie, I'm starting to think standing up against the observation room glass stark naked would be a fantastic idea."

"I kind of miss Joanna like I'd miss my heart if it wasn't there," Jim said immediately, "And, considering I'm approximately eight times over the alcohol limit and won't be able to fly the ship for a week because of it, I'm going to go ahead and say that I love her as if she was my own daughter and I hate being away from her."

"Well, you don't say," Bones muttered, emptying his glass yet again before moving on from the near-empty bottle of scotch and towards the vodka, "I thought you were cranky because you've been on your period for the last two months."

"Why am I even friends with you?!" Jim whined, "All you do is make fun of me!"

"Well, you make it damn easy, kid," the doctor replied, smirking, "Listen. I miss Joanna too. Really, if I thought that jumping off the ship and swimming through space-"

"Physically impossible," Jim muttered.

"-Would make any difference," Bones continued, talking over him, "Then I'd do it. But it wouldn't make a difference and neither does you acting like a complete and utter-"

"Choose your next word carefully..." Jim inputted teasingly.

Bones groaned, "Damn it, Jim, would you stop interrupting me?!" he said, "You don't need to go around pissing everyone off all the time!"

"I'm constantly pissed off all the time," the captain muttered, "Why shouldn't everyone else feel the same?"

"Maybe because they haven't done anything wrong?!" Bones growled, "Do you know what you're acting like? You're acting like a selfish, semi-psychotic narcissist with abandonment issues."

"Yeah, well, according to my psych evaluation, that's exactly what I am," Jim muttered, "Luckily for me, psychologists occasionally accept bribes..."

Bones sighed, "You need to take a look at your priorities," he told him, "It's fine to miss Joanna, Jim. But don't let it ruin you. You're going to see her again."

"And what if I don't?" Jim asked, refilling his glass, "What if something happens and we're too far away to help? What if..." Jim couldn't finish his sentence, choosing to drink instead.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Bones said after a moment of silence, "But intergalactic relations with Earth are the best they've ever been right now. Earth survived for nineteen years without you being a Starfleet officer and that was with much worse relationships across space than it's got now. The chances of you not seeing Joanna again are resting more on you being an idiot and getting yourself killed than someone attacking Earth."

Jim let this sink in for few minutes, staring into his glass; in his drunken mind, he both knew that his actions were stupid and wanted to continue them. He knew that Bones was right: Earth was pretty much the safest place in the universe at that point in time.

"You're allowed to worry, Jim," Bones added quietly, "You're a second dad to Joanna. But the thing you need to learn about being a parent is that you can't let your worrying control your life. It'll destroy everything you care about, including the ones you love."

Jim sighed; Bones spoke of not only Joanna but everyone in the Enterprise's crew and Jim realised that he had to stop acting like a hormonal teenager and more like the decorated captain he had become.

"God, I've been stupid," he muttered, "I've made everyone hate me."

"Yep," Bones said, coughing slightly as he drank more vodka in one go than he'd planned to, "There's pretty much no one on this ship who likes you right now." Jim scoffed quietly.

"No, don't worry, Bones," he said, "You don't need to sugar-coat it; I can take it!"

"Just finish your drink," Bones said, "I give you another ten minutes before you pass out."

"Please," Jim snorted, "I can go at least another thirty."

"Put your alcohol where your mouth is, kid," Bones smirked, refilling both of their glasses, "I just hope you remember to stop being an ass to everyone when you wake up in the morning."

(PAGE BREAK BECAUSE THE LINE THINGS WOULDN'T WORK)

When Jim's communicator started beeping at eight thirty, the captain threw it feebly against the wall from his position laying sprawled on the sofa.

"That's probably Uhura," Bones said from the doorway to the bathroom, "You're," he glanced at his watch, "Thirty minutes late for your shift."

"Tell her I'm sick and I need someone to cover," Jim mumbled into the arm of the couch, "I don't think I could even open my eyes without throwing up."

"I can fix that," Bones said with a smirk.

"Bones, I swear to god, if you stab me with anything I might have to kill you."

"How are you supposed to kill me if you can't even open your eyes?" Bones said teasingly. Jim groaned again, opening his eyes to glare at his friend before reluctantly pulling himself into a sitting position, ignoring his stomach's protests.

"Could you turn the lights down?" Jim asked, his voice quiet, one hand clutching the side of his head, the other shielding his sensitive eyes. Bones did as he asked, moving to his kitchenette to make coffee.

When he shoved the mug under Jim's nose, the younger man blanched slightly, pushing it away. Bones rolled his eyes, "You're such a lightweight." He muttered.

Jim looked incredulous, "Lightweight?!" he protested, "I drank two thirds of a bottle of scotch and half a bottle of vodka..."

"You drank a quarter of the vodka," Bones protested, "I drank three quarters of it and the rest of the scotch and I'm not even slightly hung over. Not to mention, I'm almost a decade older than you!"

"Whatever," Jim muttered, taking the coffee and sipping it tentatively. He grimaced at the taste and the way it made his stomach protest. He leant forward to put the mug on the table, completely missing the hypo that bones had magically produced from nowhere and stabbed into his neck. Jim yelled but immediately felt his hangover subsiding. He rubbed his now tender neck, glaring furiously at his best friend.

"You're an ass," he muttered.

"As long as you're not one, I think I can deal with that," Bones replied, grinning. "How much of last night do you remember?" Jim shrugged, picking up the coffee again, hopeful that he could actually enjoy it this time.

"I remember lots of alcohol," he said, "I remember you calling me a narcissistic... something," he continued, "And I remember deciding that I was going to get over Joanna." Bones nodded, retrieving his own coffee from the kitchen.

"So you remembered the important bits then," he said, "Good." He glanced down at his watch again, "You should get to the Bridge." Jim rolled his eyes.

"I'm already half an hour late," he said, "Another half hour to shower and get changed won't make a difference." Bones copied his eye roll.

"I should have added irresponsible into my description of you," he muttered, "You're a selfish, semi-psychotic irresponsible narcissist with abandonment issues."

"Ohh," Jim said, acting hurt, "That's harsh, Bones! True, obviously, but harsh!"

"Yeah well, maybe now that you've stopped acting like one I won't have to remind you of it so often," Bones said, "Now hurry up, or you'll make me late as well."

(PAGE BREAK BECAUSE THE LINE THINGS WOULDN'T WORK)

Jim appeared on the Bridge half an hour later, freshly showered and in a clean uniform, silently thankful for Bones' hangover cure (not that he'd ever, ever tell his friend that).

He waltzed to his chair, nodding at Chekov's cautious 'Captain on the Bridge', his grin widening at the young officer's look of confusion when the expected snappiness didn't come.

He sat in his chair, looking out over what felt like the entire universe and Spock approached him slowly.

"Good morning, Captain." He said in his usual, clipped tone.

"It is a good morning, isn't it, Spock?" Jim replied cheerfully, "In fact, I think today is my favourite morning. What have we got today? I'm hoping something exciting..."

Spock's face didn't change (Jim would have suspected something if it had), but he could tell from the Vulcan's pause that he was confused by Jim's sudden and complete character change.

"A diplomatic conference with Delta Beta," Spock said, "Possibly not as exciting as you had hoped."

"Nah, I'm sure it'll be great," he said, accepting the PADD his first officer passed him, "It's not as cold as Delta Vega, is it? I've had enough of that place for a lifetime..."

Much to his surprise, he could find no malice in Jim's tone, despite the obvious jibe at one of their first interactions; more than that, Spock found that Jim actually sounded as if he was joking.

"Forgive me for asking, Captain, but... are you unwell?" he asked carefully. Jim's smile simply widened, confusing Spock even further.

"I've never been better, Spock," he replied, "So, Delta Beta?"

Spock wondered what he was asking for a moment before remembering his earlier question, "It is quite the opposite of Delta Vega," he replied, "It is reasonably barren, and has the majority of its useful materials imported. It does, however, have areas of particularly fertile farmland that have provided for the entire planet for millennia."

"Interesting," Jim said, actually appearing to be interested, "Mr Sulu," he called, making the navigator jump, "What's our ETA?"

"Three hours and thirty seven minutes, sir." Sulu replied. The captain nodded.

"Fantastic," he said. He looked around, seeing the surprised looks of his crew and the way they hurriedly looked away before they could make eye contact. Jim rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, guys," he said, "I promise I'm not going to bite your heads off. I've gotten over my hissy fit, okay?" they all looked at him for a moment in surprise before relaxing slightly.

"Well, you can't exactly blame us," Uhura said accusingly, "You've been an ass for the last eight weeks." Jim's smile faltered slightly.

"I know," he said seriously, "And that was completely wrong of me and also completely my fault. I was an ass and I don't have a proper excuse for that and I apologise. But... I'm over it. No more snapping or being an ass for no reason, I swear."

They all studied him for a moment, assessing his sincerity. It was Chekov who finally spoke again.

"You are forgiven, Keptain," he said, a bright smile on his face.

"Yeah," Sulu agreed, "Forgiven." This was confirmed by the nods of the other members of the Bridge crew and Jim grinned.

"Great," he said, "So. We can all get back to working normally now, right?"

Uhura snorted, "You were the only one who stopped." She muttered.

"Thank you, Lieutenant, we've agreed that I'm forgiven," Jim said, rolling his eyes at her.

"And what are we forgiving you for again?" she asked innocently.

"Are you seriously doing this right now?" Jim complained.

"I just really want to hear you say that you're an ass again."

"You're a child."

"Says the man who sulked for two months..."

"Spock control your woman!"

"I'm afraid I have as much control over Lieutenant Uhura as you, Captain."

Their arguing continued for some time, much to the amusement of the other team members; it hadn't been an unusual occurrence prior to the Five-Year Mission, and its sudden reappearance in their working lives was more welcome than they'd care to admit.

They felt that their exploratory mission was finally underway and Jim's need to have the final say in the bickering going on around them were almost more inspirational than the speech he'd given when they'd first set off:

"Fine, Uhura, I'M AN ASS. You happy?!"


God, that took forever. Seriously, I've been working on this for months. I'm hoping that now I've gotten back into it I'll be able to write more often but with my college schedule, I'm not even sure when I'm next going to get a full night's sleep XD

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did then feel free to leave a review because they make me feel warm and fluffy inside ^-^

Thanks for reading and I hope to have you reading another chapter soon :))