Wow—what a response from everyone. Thank you for all your reviews and PMS-I very much appreciate every one of them.
I would like to remind everyone that is NOT and HEA for C&A…there is more angst and drama coming.
I completely forgot to thank my wonderful, awesome, super fantastic friend and beta Debbie Hannon for all her help, ideas, and encouragement writing this story…You rock Debbie!
As always, reviews (positive or negative) are welcome, abuse won't be tolerated.
I do not own FSOG.
CPOV
It's been 2 weeks since the incident at the Fairmont, and so far nothing has popped up in the tabloids…I am hoping that Welch was able to delete everything before anyone made a copy, and that nobody in the bar noticed what we were doing and filmed us.
I have been wrought with guilt since that night, and it's causing me to have nightmares almost every night. Trying to compensate for my abhorrent actions, I have been overly attentive to Ana…almost to the point of smothering her, but I don't know how else to cope with the guilt. I need to be close to her, and the only way I know how to do that is through sex. It's a needy combination of sweet, gentle love making and carnal fucking. Ana loves it all, but I knew eventually she would question what triggered the nightmares, and when she did, I lied and told her that I saw a man who reminded me of the pimp when I was having lunch the day before.
You're becoming quite the liar, Grey…
My last nightmare was over a year ago and was after Elena approached me in a restaurant when I was having lunch with a potential business client. She waited until I was alone and then walked up and sat down next to me, reaching out and touching my arm as if we were old friends. I had not seen her since my birthday- the night we announced our engagement, and that night I promised Ana I would never see or talk to her again, and I cut all ties the following day after gifting her the salons. Until now she has not made any attempts to contact me, but apparently, she needed money to expand, and didn't want to go to the bank for a loan. She thought I would be willing to front the money "for old time's sake." I had Taylor escort her out of the restaurant, and I stupidly thought that was the end of it. Unbeknownst to me, she had someone take photos of us at the exact time she touched my arm, and those photos were sent to Ana a few days later. I never understood her reasoning behind sending the photos to Ana…maybe she was hoping to stir things up enough between Ana and me enough to where Ana would leave me, and she could get her claws back into me and my bank account. I don't know.
I never mentioned the meeting to Ana, and when she confronted me with the photos the day she received them, she was beyond livid… wanting to know why I was meeting Mrs. Robinson for lunch, and what the fuck I was hiding from her.
She was so mad that she went to her dad's house in Montesano for the weekend to calm down, and she made it perfectly clear that I was not welcome to go with her.
That weekend when she was gone, I had my first nightmare since before we got married…I was so afraid that she was going to leave me. I pleaded with her to come home, and when she finally did that Sunday night, I promised her I would never keep anything from her again.
Yeah, Grey. Your promises obviously don't mean shit anymore….
2 days later
CPOV
It's almost noon on Monday, and Ana left earlier today for New York for a publisher's symposium with Hanna and won't be back until Saturday afternoon. She is staying in our penthouse all week, and I am leaving here Friday morning to fly to New York to surprise her with a candlelight dinner Friday night, and a romantic weekend getaway, just the 2 of us.
Sawyer leaves on vacation later this week so I sent Taylor to New York with Ana instead of Reynolds. Ana has never really cared for Reynolds and is more comfortable with Taylor, so it worked out for the best because Taylor's attitude towards me is still cold and distant.
I often find my mind wandering back to the club in Boston and reliving our scene that night. I get hard just thinking about Camile, and being able to put a face to woman has me constantly reminiscing that night, and it has stirred up feelings and desires I thought were long buried.
Even though it's been over 2 weeks, I have not been able to get her out of my mind…for the life of me I don't know why I am so infatuated with her, but I need to get my head out of my ass and stop obsessing over her. NOW.
I have selfishly decided that I am not going to tell Ana what happened that night…I cannot bring that kind of pain to her, and I am scared to death that she will leave and divorce me because of it. Ana is a kind, forgiving person, but I don't know if she would be able to get past what I have done to her.
.
I tell myself that it will never happen again, and that Ana doesn't need to know about 1 indiscretion.
The next day
I've been tied up in meetings all morning, and when I finally get a few minutes to myself, Andrea buzzes me "Mr. Grey, there is a Camile Davis on the line—she says it's regarding the Peterson Technology Contract you signed 2 weeks ago. Do you want to talk to her, or should I take a message?"
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
I know I should tell Andrea to take a message, but just the mention of Camile's name causes me to lose all control. I sit there for a minute, trying to decide if I should tell Andrea to take a message or not before she says "Mr... Grey are you there?"
"Yes. I'm here. Put her through, Andrea."
What harm can come from talking to her on the phone?
I take a deep breath before picking up the phone. "Hello Ms. Davis. What can I do for you?" I try to keep my voice calm and business like, but I feel my dick starting to twitch.
"Good morning Mr. Grey. I am in town this week for a few job interviews, and I was curious if you wanted to meet up for lunch or dinner, or whatever…"
I swear, I can hear a smirk in her voice, and I know I need to put a stop to this now and tell her no, but my dick takes over the conversation, and before I know it, I tell her "We could do that… when are you available?"
"I just finished my first interview, and my next one isn't until 2:00, so we can meet for lunch today if you aren't busy, or we could meet up tonight after work. I will be done by 5:00."
I look at my schedule and I see that I have an available hour from 12:00 to 1:00, and since my dick is in charge right now, I tell her we can have lunch delivered here if she wants to stop by.
She chuckles a little and tells me she will see me at noon.
I call Andrea and tell her to order lunch for 2 from the deli down the street as Ms. Davis will be joining me for lunch. To keep up the façade that this is a business meeting, I ask her to get me a copy of the Peterson contract so I can review it during lunch.
WTF am I doing? This is a bad idea, Grey…
My pants are getting very tight and uncomfortable, so I go into my private bathroom, unzip my pants, take out my cock and rub one out, picturing Ms. Davis bent over my desk as I fuck her from behind. I roar her name when I cum, shooting my load all over my hand and the sink.
I clean myself up, and go sit behind my desk, staring out the window.
Seriously Grey, what the fuck are you doing? You love Ana…she is your everything. Why are you doing this to her?
A few minutes before noon Andrea buzzes me that Camile is here, so I tell her to send her in and to bring our lunch in when it arrives.
My heart starts to race, and I try to compose myself but I'm having no such luck.
For someone who exercises control in everything, you sure have no self-control, Grey.
Camile walks in and shakes my hand, telling me that it's nice to see me again. I offer her a seat on the couch, and we chit chat until Andrea walks in with our lunch, and then turns to me "Here is the copy of the contract you requested, Mr. Grey" and hands it to me and starts to walk out.
"Andrea, please hold my calls" I tell her.
"Yes, Mr. Grey" and she closes the door behind her.
I walk to my desk and push the button that locks my office door, then walk over to the couch and sit down next to her.
"So, you're serious about relocating to Seattle?"
'Yes. When I was here 2 weeks ago, I spent a day touring the city and I thought it would be nice to live here. I sent out my resume and have had several firms show interest and call me for interviews. Plus…there are a few added perks to living here." She smiles at me, and then looks down at the bulge that has once again formed in my pants. "In fact, one really big perk" then licks her lips and runs her finger up and down my thigh, giving me a wicked smile.
It appears that my earlier fantasy about bending her over my desk is about to come true.
After 2 rounds of her bent over my desk I realize I have not had enough and want more, so I ask what her plans are for the rest of her time here.
"I have a few more interviews this week with various firms, and am flying out Thursday night. I have one more interview in Detroit next week, but I am pretty sure I am going to take a position here. I'm taking the interview in Detroit because it's the first firm I worked for right out of college and I want to stay on good terms with them in case things don't work out here."
I ask her where she is staying, and she tells me she is back at the Fairmont all week.
Thinking with my dick again, I take a deep breath and ask her if she would like to stay with me at Escala all week, and maybe change her flight out to Saturday morning.
"Grey, what the fuck are you doing? There is no coming back from this.
She smirks at me and immediately agrees, so I tell her I will call her later today after I make the arrangements.
I immediately called Gail and told her I would be working late every day this week, and since Ana was not home, I would be staying at Escala instead. I told her to take the rest of the week off until Saturday afternoon and go visit her sister in Portland since Taylor is in New York with Ana. There was no need for her to prepare any meals as I would order take out or stop on the way home from work, and since I keep a full wardrobe at Escala she didn't need to bring any clothes over either…I wanted her out of town as soon as possible. She was happy for the time off and said she would head out tomorrow morning and thanked me before hanging up.
I inform Reynolds that I will be staying at Escala all week, and he knows to keep his mouth shut and not say anything to Taylor if he knows what's best for his continued employment with me.
I called Camile back and gave her the address to Escala and told her to meet me there at 8:00 tonight. I pushed all thoughts of Ana out of my mind…my ability to reason has left the building.
As planned, we spent the week at Escala—meeting for lunchtime hookups when possible, and Thursday I worked from home, never going into the office, and I also cancelled my plans to fly to New York Friday.
I knew what I was doing to Ana was beyond despicable, but I was so out of control that I refused to think about anything else except fucking Camile.
She made it perfectly clear that she was not interested in any form of BDSM, so we never went into the red room, but she enjoyed taking a fuck as hard as I could give it to her…by Saturday morning her inner thighs and ass were black and blue from my hips pounding into her nonstop for 4 days straight. I took her every way imaginable, multiple times during those 4 days, and she loved every bit of it…I'm sure her 5-hour flight back to New York was going to be a bit uncomfortable for her.
I had to have Reynolds hire a cleaning lady to clean up Escala Saturday morning after I left…after a 4-day fuck fest, the place was in complete ruins. We soiled every sheet on every bed in every bedroom, not to mention the countertops, the walls, the couch, the shower…there wasn't a surface that we didn't fuck on or against.
I am truly obsessed with Camile; I have no romantic feelings for her, not even close to it, but I lose all control whenever she is around. Having her here in Seattle is going to prove to be difficult. I have no intention of ever divorcing Ana…I love her with all my heart and soul, but I can't stop from reliving that one night in Boston with Camile, and I want that again and again, even if it's not BDSM. I want my cake and eat it too.
You're a monster, Grey. A selfish asshole who doesn't deserve Ana.
Ana flew back Saturday afternoon and I was nervous and sick to my stomach as I waited in the Audi for the GEH jet to land.
When the door opened and she stepped out and saw me, her smile lit up the runway. She hurried down the steps and ran to me and jumped into my arms as I got out of the Audi. I hugged her and kissed her, feeling all the guilt of the past week washing over me again as I held her close and inhaled her sweet scent as I buried my face in her hair…I felt tears start to burn in my eyes as I held her.
You're a piece of shit, Grey.
"God, I missed you" she said as kissed me.
We climbed into the back of the car as Taylor and Reynolds loaded her luggage in the back.
As we pulled away, she reached over and raised the privacy window and then climbed on my lap and started to kiss me, running her fingers through my hair and grinding down on me. My girl was needy. I reached under her skirt, tearing her thong off and sliding 2 fingers in her soaking wet pussy. "God you're wet baby" I groaned into her mouth.
"I haven't seen you or fucked you in 5 days…what did you expect" she moaned as I continued to finger her, hitting her g spot over and over. I knew she was getting close because her breathing was rapid, and she was clamping down on my finger.
It didn't take long before she started to shudder, and then I felt her orgasm let loose. Her face was buried in my chest, muffling her cries as she came. I unzipped my pants and released my cock, pumping it a few times before lifting her up and setting her down on top of me, barely giving her a chance to catch her breath before I started pounding into her. I reached up and tore open her blouse, pulling down her lacy bra and taking one her nipples in my mouth, sucking and biting it hard. Ana moaned, begging me not to stop, and to fuck her harder and faster. I picked up the pace, holding her hips and bucking into her as hard as I could. I felt myself getting close, but I had to make sure she came first "Ana, I need you to cum baby" and I reached down and started rubbing her clit with my thumb. She started moaning louder and louder, and I felt her tense up as her orgasm hit. She started grinding her pussy on me harder, riding me through her orgasm, and then I couldn't hold it any longer and I groaned out her name as I unloaded deep into her. She collapsed onto me, and I held her for a few minutes, and she came down from her high, giggling into my neck.
She kissed me and slid off my lap, smiling as she sat next to me with a post orgasmic bliss on her face. I grabbed her ruined panties and cleaned her up the best I could before I shoved my dick back into my pants.
"Wow. That was quite a welcome, Mr. Grey. I definitely want more of that when we get home" she says with a wicked grin on her face.
And I gave her more… all night long. We didn't get out of bed until almost noon on Sunday. I lost track of how many times we made love and fucked. I needed that intimate connection with Ana…looking at her face while we were making love made me realize how much I love her and knowing that I cannot live without her. I had tears running down my face when we made slow, sweet love the first time after we got home and when Ana saw them and wiped them away, she asked me what was wrong.
"Nothing is wrong baby. I just missed you…this…us..."
My conscience kept reminding me "You're the lowest form of life, Grey. You don't deserve her. You insisted on monogamy with all your subs, but yet you cheat on the one woman who means the world to you…the woman for whom the sun rises and sets in your life, or so you claim. You do deserve to rot in hell."
Ana deserves so much better than me…she deserves a man who is not 50 shades of fucked up. But I am too selfish, I cannot let her go. I can't imagine my life without her. Grace may have saved me, but Ana taught me that I am worthy of love, and that I have love to give.
I need to be the man she deserves, not a fucked up, cheating, lying piece of shit.
Ana has always worried about not being enough for me, but the truth is, I am not enough for her…I never have been, and I never will be. When I look in the mirror I am sickened by the hideous monster staring back at me, and I want to shatter the mirror and kill the monster.
I need to talk to Flynn and confess my sins… I'll have Andrea schedule an appointment first thing Monday morning, and then call Camile and put an end to this horrible mess that I have made of my life. If I tell Ana or not remains to be seen, for I know that she will leave if I do.
CPOV the next day
Monday morning turns to shit the minute I walk into my office as a huge deal I have been working on in Detroit starts go sideways.
I didn't want to have to fly there, but by Monday afternoon things were getting worse and I had no choice but to fly out Monday night. I should be able to straighten out this mess and be home in time for dinner Wednesday night.
Before I left, I had Andrea call Mac and make all the arrangements for Ana and me to take the Grace for the weekend starting Friday afternoon...just the 2 of us. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet weekend together…I need her all to myself with no interruptions.
It's time for me to head to the airport so I call Ana to tell her I'm leaving, but it goes right to voicemail. She must be in a meeting, so I call Hanna.
"Ana Grey's office, can I help you?"
"Good afternoon Hanna. Is my wife available?"
"She's in her weekly editors meeting Mr. Grey. Would you like me to interrupt the meeting and get her for you?"
"No. Just tell her I'm headed to the airport and I will call her tonight."
"Yes sir. Have a safe flight, Mr. Grey."
I hang up and sigh. I really needed to hear Ana's voice before I left.
APOV
I'm stuck in this damn editor meeting for another hour.
Christian is leaving for Detroit in a little while and I wanted to say goodbye to him before he left, but that's not going to happen.
Finally the meeting ends and I can get back to my office and relax for a few minutes. Hanna comes in with a much-needed cup of tea and a stack of messages.
"Your husband called to tell you he was leaving for the airport and that he will call you tonight, and Dr. Greene called and wants you to call her back...she said it's important. The rest of the messages can wait until tomorrow".
"Thank you, Hanna. Can you get Dr. Greene on the phone for me?"
A few minutes later my phone buzzes and it's Hanna with Dr. Greene on the line.
"Good afternoon Dr. Greene. What can I do for you?"
"Hello Mrs. Grey. I need to talk to you about your depo shot."
"OK—is there a problem?"
"Well, yes. I hate to tell you this, but I just received a phone call from the pharmaceutical company that manufactures your depo shot, and it appears that the batch of shots they sent out a few months ago was faulty, and your last shot was part of that batch. I need you to come in for a pregnancy test, and if you aren't pregnant you will need another shot."
I just sit there in shock, not knowing what to do or say.
"Mrs. Grey, are you there?"
"Yes. Sorry. When do I need to come in? "
"I can see you tonight if that will work for you. How about 5:30?"
"That's fine. I'll see you then."
I hang up the phone and start to shake. I can't be pregnant. We agreed to wait at least 5 years after we got married to have kids...it's barely been 2 years. Christian is going to freak out if I am pregnant.
I sit behind my desk staring at the clock, waiting for 5:00 to come so I can get this over with.
I call Luke and have him bring the car around, and I shut down my laptop for the day. I walk out and say goodbye to Hanna and follow Luke to the car.
"Please take me to Dr. Green's office Luke, and don't tell anyone where we are going."
He looks at me and nods but doesn't say anything.
An hour later I am staring at Dr. Greene in total shock. I am 10 weeks pregnant.
I am hooked up to the ultrasound machine and Dr. Greene is showing me on the screen where my baby is, and she is talking about prenatal care and upcoming visits, but I'm not listening to what she is saying. All I can do is stare at the little blip and wonder how Christian is going to react.
I walk out of Dr. Greene's office, not saying anything to Luke, and we drive home in silence. He knows something is wrong but doesn't ask.
I walk in our bedroom and strip out of my clothes and climb in the bath...I really want a glass of wine but that's off limits now.
I doze off and wake up in cold water looking like a prune so I get out and dry off.
It's past 10 in Detroit and Christian should be calling any time.
Just then I hear "My Love is King" playing and I nervously pick up my phone and answer it.
"Good evening, Mr. Grey."
"Good evening to you, Mrs. Grey. What are you doing?"
I tell him that I just got out of the tub and was waiting for him to call.
He tells me about his meeting tomorrow morning and says hopefully he will be able to get home tomorrow night if all goes well.
"That sounds great. I'm sorry I missed your call earlier today, but it was stuck in a meeting most of the afternoon. I miss you."
"I miss you too, baby. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."
I tell him I love him too and hang up the phone, my hand still shaking and my heart beating out of my chest.
How the fuck am I going to tell him...
I didn't sleep at all last night…I had nightmares that Christian left me when I told him I was pregnant, and I was homeless and living on the streets trying to raise my baby. I woke up crying…realizing that it was just a dream, but it still shook me to the core.
I need to talk to someone, but Kate is out of town on assignment and won't be home for 2 more days. I don't need to distract her right now so I'll just deal with this myself.
I'm anxious and yet scared for Christians return...I need to tell him, but I'm terrified of his reaction.
It's mid-afternoon when Hanna buzzes, telling me that Christian is on the line. I wonder why he didn't call my cell.
I try to sound as calm as I could be "Hello Mr. Grey"
"Mrs. Grey, why aren't you answering your cell phone?" Christian asks.
I reach for it and realize that it's dead. "Sorry. I guess I forgot to plug it in this morning."
"I'm not going to be able to leave today…things aren't going as planned so I'm stuck here for another night. I'll be done early afternoon tomorrow and should make it home in time for dinner Thursday night."
Disappointed but relieved a little, I ask him "OK. Anything special you want for dinner?"
"Just you...I'll have you for dinner and dessert" and then laughs before saying "I have to run baby. I'll call you later tonight. I love you."
"I love you too. Talk to you later."
I hang up and stare out the window. I still don't know how I'm going to tell him.
Late Thursday afternoon I walk back into my office to find Christian sitting behind my desk, smiling.
"Hello Mrs. Grey."
I close the door, walk over to him, sit on his lap and kiss him, running my hands through his hair. "Welcome home. I missed you."
"I had Hanna clear your schedule for the rest of the day. Let's get out of here."
I smile at him, grab my laptop and purse and head out with my handsome hubby. I may look fine, but my insides are doing flips and somersaults right now.
I've decided I'm just going to blurt it out when we get home and see how he reacts.
Taylor pulls thru the gates and starts up the driveway and I can feel my heart start to race.
Christian notices the change in my demeanor and asks what's wrong.
I just smile and tell him "We'll talk when we get inside."
He frowns but doesn't say anything.
I walk into the living room and set my briefcase and purse down before sitting down on the couch.
"Ana, I can tell when something is wrong. Tell me now" he demands
I take a deep breath, looking him in the eyes, and finally muster up the courage to blurt out "I'm pregnant."
