Sorry for the delay in updating—work and RL have been a bit overwhelming lately.

To all of you following this story—thank you very much. I appreciate your support and reviews very much.

Thank you to my Superwoman Beta Debbie Hannon for all of her help and encouragement to continue this story…she's been my rock.

To the Trolls who continue to send me nasty reviews—get a life. This is cheat story—if you don't like it, don't read it. Your reviews don't faze me-there is a delete button the keyboard for a reason and I have no problem using. Go play on the freeway or something.

TISSUE WARNING—get at least a box, maybe 2…

I do not own FSOG.

CPOV Friday afternoon in Chicago

As my last meeting wraps up, the CEO of the company, James Langston, invites me back to his office for a drink to celebrate the successful merger we just completed.
As we walk into his office he walks to the bar and holds up a bottle of scotch "Macallan OK with you?"

"Absolutely. Thank you."

As we clink glasses and toast a successful business venture, his PA buzzes in. "Mr. Langston, Mrs. Langston is here...shall I send her in?"
"Yes, please. Excuse me Mr. Grey" and being a gentleman, he walks to the door and opens it for his wife. A beautiful woman who could be Ana's sister walks into the room.
"Mr. Grey this is my wife Caroline.
Honey, this is Christian Grey."
I reach out to shake her hand when she suddenly jumps and grabs her belly. I then notice that she is pregnant.
"Jim! He's kicking again!" And she grabs his hands and places them on her belly. "Can you feel him?"
Langston has a huge smile on his face as he looks at his wife "Yes! Wow. He is really dancing today!" He exclaims, and then looks at me
"Sorry. He is our first, and this is the first time I have felt him moving. It's an incredible feeling."
I smile and nod at them, mumbling congratulations, but noting how happy and excited they are.
Mrs. Langston is glowing-it is true that pregnant women have a glow about them, and I can see the excitement and pride on Mr. Langston's face. He is beaming.

Mrs. Langston looks at me and says "He is our miracle baby. We had tried for years to get pregnant but we complications...I miscarried several times-I could never carry past my first trimester. I have made it to 22 weeks now, and the doctor said everything looks great. I am still primarily on bed rest, but I am allowed to get out on occasion. I'm not taking any chances with this one" she says, and I can see tears well up in her eyes. She looks at me and continues " We accepted that it wasn't going to happen for us and decided to adopt, and had just cleared the adoption process and were on a waiting list when I got pregnant with this little guy" and as she caresses her belly I see pure joy in her eyes.

Mrs. Langston looks at me before asking "Do you and your wife have children, Mr. Grey?"

"No. Not yet. We want to wait a few more years." I reply. I just can't bring myself to tell her that Ana is pregnant. I just can't handle making up any lies right now.

What—Are you afraid everyone is going to find out what a bastard you really are—that you have abandoned your pregnant wife and instead are fucking some whore? You're a spineless piece of shit, Grey. You're the lowest form of life. Elena and the pimp were right about you.

"Well, Mr. Grey, when you and your wife do decide to have kids, I hope she has an easier time than we did. But in the end, it's all worth it. I can't wait to welcome this little one into the world and hold him in my arms." She smiles, looking at her husband and putting her hands protectively around her belly.

Watching them interact with each other, I am overcome with a wave of disgust at myself.

I am denying my own child, refusing to acknowledge his or her existence.

Has Ana felt our child kick yet? Is it a boy or a girl? How far along is she?

I don't even know how Ana is feeling.

Is she having morning sickness, or weird cravings in the middle of the night? Who is running to the store at 2 AM to get pickles and ice cream for her? Who is taking care of her? Is she having complications? Is she eating?

I haven't even bothered to ask Taylor or Sawyer about her. I've been too busy with my head up my ass and my dick in Camile to think of anyone or anything except my next orgasm.

I have denied Ana all the happy experiences and joys that come with pregnancy...instead I have turned it into a fucking nightmare for her. She must despise me with every ounce of her being, and I can't blame her one bit for feeling that way.

These people have gone through hell to have a child, and I screamed at my wife, telling her to get rid of "it" as if our child was a piece if trash that should be thrown out.

My stomach clenches and I suddenly feel nauseous.

The last 2 months suddenly come back to me, flashing before my eyes as if I am reliving it all again. Every sordid moment comes back…the bar, my office, Escala, Detroit, the GEH jet, screaming at Ana, and walking out on her as I abandoned my family.

I need to get out of here. I need to make this right.

I need to go home and beg Ana for forgiveness, to give me a chance to be the man that she deserves, and the father that our child needs.

I excuse myself, telling the Langtsons that I have a flight to catch and that I am looking forward to doing business with them, and I wish well with their child. I turn on my phone and text Reynolds to have the car out front immediately, and then text Stephan to get the jet ready to take me home ASAP. I look at my watch and see that it's 2:00 here, and with the time difference I should make it home about the same time Ana gets home from work. I'll spend the entire flight home working out what I am going to say to her, and how to beg for her forgiveness. I'll see Flynn every day, and even have couples sessions with Ana if she wants…anything to repair the damage I have done to our marriage.

God, I hope it's not too late to fix this mess.

Reynolds drops me at the hotel and I tell him I will be back shortly, and to contact Stephan to find out when we leave. I text Camile and tell her I'll be up in a few minutes, and then turn off my phone…I don't want any distractions during this conversation.

I enter the room and she walks out of the bathroom wearing just a robe. "Christian! I was just getting in the tub—want to join me?" And she walks over to give me a kiss.

I step back away from her and she gives me a funny look. "Christian, what's wrong?"

I look her right in the eyes "Us. We are what's wrong-you and me. I should have never let this happen. I let myself lose control when all those memories and feelings of my past came back to me that night in the bar. This was the biggest mistake of my life. I love my wife—she is my entire world, and I fucked it all up for a few fleeting fucks with you." I feel myself getting angrier and angrier with myself as stand there, and I feel rage at her for seducing me that night in the bar. "I'm flying back to Seattle right now, alone. I will make arrangements for you to fly back tomorrow. We are done—do not contact me again" and when I start to walk past her to the bedroom to pack my bags she grabs my arm.

"What do you mean a mistake? You said that you were going to divorce your wife—that you didn't love her anymore and you didn't want a kid. And now, suddenly, you're magically in love with her again and want to play daddy? You sure have a strange way of showing how much you love your wife if you've been fucking me for the past several weeks. I'm afraid to see what you would do if you hated her" she snarls. "What the fuck happened—did she find out about us, and is threatening to take you for half of everything? Are you doing this to keep her from taking your company, or going public and ruining your golden boy reputation?" she screams.

"Do not ever speak of my wife again!" I roared at her. "I don't give a fuck about my company or my reputation. What you and I have been doing is a mistake of epic proportions. I fucked up getting involved with you, and let me remind you of the NDA you signed…if you so much as breathe one word of this to anyone I will ruin you and then I will ruin your family. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" I scream at her.

She cowers down and backs away, not saying anything.

A few minutes later I walk out of the bedroom with my bags and she is sitting on the couch quietly sobbing.

"Please, Christian, don't do this. I love you. We can continue as we have been—nobody has to know."

I shake my head at her "I will know." and I walk out and slam the door and turn on my phone and text Reynolds that I am on my way down, and to have the car ready.

As I walk across the hotel lobby my phone rings, and I see it's my dad. Before I can answer it, some asshole bumps into me, causing me to drop it, and it shatters into pieces when it hits the ground. "Fuck" I mumble as I pick up the broken pieces. I'll have to email Andrea from my laptop when I'm on board to have a new one ready when I get back tonight.

Reynolds drives me to the private terminal and we board the GEH jet. Stephan tells me we will be taking off in 20 minutes. I thank him, and tell him I don't want to be disturbed for the entire flight.

I fire up my laptop and email Andrea to get me a new phone by tonight and to have Ryan pick it up, and then answer a few emails before turning it off. My brain can't handle anything work related right now and I lean back in my seat and doze off.

I'm walking down a dark, narrow alley in Seattle where the homeless live. There are several men, women, and children huddled under thin, dirty blankets trying to keep warm; their faces dirty, their clothes old and threadbare. Suddenly I hear a baby crying, and I hear a mother talking to the child, trying to calm it down. "It's OK baby. Don't cry. Mama's going to go meet a man for a little while, and when I come back I'll have enough money to get us some food and a hotel room for the night, and then we can take a nice bath and get clean and sleep in a nice warm bed instead of on the ground. I'll be back in a little while…you stay right here, OK? I love you, little man" and she kisses him on the head and sets him down behind a dumpster and walks away. When she walks past me, she looks up, and I feel my blood freeze in my veins…its Ana.

I wake up screaming, and Reynolds and Natalia are holding me down trying to keep me from hurting myself. After a few minutes, my breathing starts to return to normal and I start to calm down a little bit. My shirt is drenched with sweat and I have broken the table in front of my seat where my laptop was sitting. Reynolds hands me a bottle of water and asks if he can do anything.

I can't speak so I just shake my head no.

FUCK! It seemed so real. Ana was homeless and living on the streets taking care of our child because I threw her out.

"How much longer until we land?" I ask Reynolds when I can speak again.

"About 20 minutes, Sir."

I nod my head and stare out the window, still shaking from my nightmare. I have to fix this. I am not a religious man, but I silently ask God to help me fix this mess I have created of my life.

Just then Stephan comes on over the speaker and tells us to fasten our seatbelts and prepare to land. My anxiety level is at DEFCON 10, thinking about what I am going to say to Ana and how she is going to react.

The jet comes to a halt, and Stephan opens the doors for me…I look out and see Taylor standing next to the SUV.

WTF?

He and Gail are supposed to be off until Sunday, visiting his daughter. I am sure that they are also looking for employment elsewhere…Taylor still hasn't said much to me over the past several weeks, and I haven't seen Gail since I moved to Escala. I'm sure she's pissed and disgusted with me for the way I have treated Ana, and I'm sure Taylor has told her about Camile.

I hope and pray he hasn't said anything to Ana. I don't want her to find out that way. I am going to have to man up and tell her and hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me and take me back.

I approach the car and Taylor opens the door for me…I see my dad sitting in the back seat and I give Taylor a questioning look.

"Your Father needs to talk to you, Mr. Grey" is all he says. His face is void of emotion and his voice is as cold as ice.

I climb in the back seat, and after Reynolds puts the bags in the back he climbs in the front with Taylor and we drive off.

I look at my dad and ask "Dad—why are you here? What's going on?"

He looks at me with pain in his eyes before answering "Son, there is no easy way to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it. Ana was in a car accident this morning."

My heart starts to race, and I don't want to hear what he is going to say next.

"I'm sorry Christian, but she didn't make it."

No. This can't be happening. No...this is a sick joke.
I can't breathe...I unbutton my shirt to help me breathe...my pulse is racing; my heart is beating out of chest.
Then everything goes black.

I wake up, and I am in my old bedroom at my parent's house.
My mom is asleep in a chair next to my bed.
WTF is going on. Why am I here? What day is it?

Then I remember. Ana. The baby. Car accident.

I start sobbing uncontrollably, and my mom wakes up.
"Christian." And she reaches for me and takes me in her arms and holds me while I violently sob.
I don't know how long we sit there, but it seems like hours.
Finally I stop sobbing and look at her. She has tears running down her face too.
"Mom, please tell me I am having a nightmare. Please tell me it's not true. I can't live without Ana."

"Christian I'm so sorry." She doesn't say anything else, just pulls me to her and I start crying again.
After an hour we walk downstairs and the rest of my family is there.
Mia runs to me and wraps her arms around me and hugs me and starts crying. "Christian..." she starts but can't say anything else.
After a few minutes my dad takes Mia from me and hands her to over to Elliot who looks at me with grief in his eyes.

My dad looks at me, and says "Christian, let's go to my office. We can talk there."

CRPOV

We walk away from everyone to my office. I don't want to have this conversation, but I have so many questions that need to be answered.
I walk in and sit down, and my dad closes the door before sitting down behind his desk and pouring us each a generous amount of bourbon.

I hand him the glass and look at him for a few seconds before asking him "Christian, were you aware that Ana was pregnant?"

He looked down at his hands before answering "Yes, I knew."

I looked at him and continued talking "We found an ultrasound from a few days ago in Ana's purse. Did you know she was having a little boy?"

The tears start running down his face and he made no effort to stop them, and shakes his head no.

"Is there anything you want or need to tell me right now?" I ask.

He sighed and took a deep breath, still not looking at me "I didn't handle the news of the pregnancy very well. We haven't spoken since she told me she was pregnant…I've been staying at Escala for the last 3 weeks. I've been horrible to her, Dad. I told her to get rid of it" and he broke down and start sobbing uncontrollably again.

I didn't say anything to him, and decided to let the conversation go for now. I had a million questions for him, but I will have to wait for answers.

Several minutes pass, and when he got himself under control a little he asked me "Dad what happened?"

"We don't know much right now. She was almost to Montesano and stopped to get gas. From what the witnesses said, she was sitting at a red light, and when it turned green she started to drive through the intersection a tractor-trailer ran the red light and hit her right on the driver's door…they estimated he was doing close to 60 mph when he hit her." I didn't tell him that Ana was in Kate Kavanagh's Escalade, but I sure as hell wanted to know why she was driving Kate's car instead one of their vehicles, or why Luke Sawyer wasn't driving her like he always does.

I looked at him and asked "Are you sure you want to hear this right now?"

He nodded yes so I continued "The fire department had to cut her out of the wreckage, and by the time they got her out she was already gone, Christian. They said she died on impact." He closes his eyes in pain and his body begins to shake from his sobbing.

I wait a few minutes before continuing. "The State Trooper who responded to the call recognized Ana from her WSU ID card in her wallet—he had gone to high school with her and knew her dad-so he called Ray, and then Ray called Sawyer. Sawyer drive to the hospital and Ray told him what happened, and gave him Ana's purse—the ultra sound was in her purse so that's how we found out about the baby.

"Where is she, Dad? I need to see her" He sobbed.

"She's at the mortuary in Montesano, Christian, but I don't think you should see her right now…her injuries were very severe from what Ray told Sawyer."

He put his head in his hands, and lets out a quiet scream. "I want to go home, Dad. Call Taylor to take me home now."

"Christian you should stay here tonight…you shouldn't be alone right now."

"No. I am going home. I need to go home now" and I walk out to find Taylor to take me home.

I send a quick text and stand up to walk out of the room with Christian.

CPOV

I walk out of my dad's office and my mom walks up to me and hugs me and asks me where I'm going.

"I'm going home, Mom. I need to be in our home, I need to feel her presence. I will call you tomorrow."

Taylor walks in to let me know the car is ready and we walk out. Reynolds is waiting by the SUV for me and opens the door for me.

He nods his head at me before saying "Sir."

I nod back at him and climb in the back and he and Taylor climb in the front and we drive off, back to our home on the sound.

Taylor pulls through the security gate and drives to the front of the house. Sawyer did a sweep of the house earlier and was waiting at the front door when we pulled up.

I looked at Taylor and told him I didn't want to be disturbed for the rest of the night, and that I wanted to meet with the security staff in my office tomorrow morning at 8:00.

I walk into our dark empty house...pausing, waiting to hear Ana's sweet voice welcoming me home, but I realize that is never going to happen again.

I walk into our bedroom and fall onto our bed. I haven't slept in here for over a month.

I can still smell her perfume on the sheets and pillows. I grab her pillow and curl up in ball and cry...I cry for my wife and my son. I never got to tell her how sorry I was, and how much I wanted our baby. I will never get to tell her now.

I will never know what it will feel like to feel my son kick, to hold him, to tell him that I wanted him and loved him, even if I didn't know him yet

I killed them. I killed them both.

God, Ana must have hated me.