25. A Dinner Here Is Never Second Best
"I think the snowball fight has worked a miracle," Irene murmured to John as they walked along the causeway as part of a small procession made up of the guests going to the dinner and reception hosted by the Queen. Adam and Beatrice had, understandably, never been so eager to don their best clothes, but surprisingly hadn't fidgeted even once since the last buttons had been fastened, despite their obvious excitement about being invited to eat in Arendelle's castle with Olaf.
"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be recharged by bedtime tonight," John whispered back. His hair and beard were perfectly groomed.
"Maybe Olaf can tire them out again after they eat. If I didn't already know Queen Elsa's policy about such things, I would definitely ask her to make a living snowman for them," Irene said on the sly. "She could name her price."
"I wouldn't go that far, but I would be very interested in renting one on occasion," John said conspiratorially. "They would also be a great help in calming down young, squirmy patients."
"Well, I guess Olaf has two jobs lined up with the Scurrs if he ever needs some spending money," Irene laughed.
They reached the castle's outer gates, where the group had to stop and produce their invitations and have their names crossed off the list. The guards were friendly but businesslike and alert, and Irene was a little startled to notice that they even gave her children a brief but careful visual inspection. At the checkpoint, the Mandelbaums caught up with the Scurrs, and behind them were Newark, Duffin, and Professor Holmboe and his wife. Once inside the courtyard, Professor Holmboe hospitably conducted everyone to the tall doors of the castle itself.
"It really is one of the more friendly castles, in terms of furnishings and general ambiance," he said as they walked in. "Even the suits of armor are jovial chaps, despite being in the line of fire when Princess Anna rides her bicycle down the staircase. Queen Elsa is much better at navigating the final turn."
Zlata stifled a giggle. Adam and Beatrice looked around in wide-eyed wonder. It was as Holmboe said: Grand, well-appointed, and subtly detailed, without being intimidating or demeaning. All of the adult foreign guests had the feeling the style was a deliberate statement made by the family that had called the place home for generations.
Debora gazed appreciatively at many of the features. "When was this built?"
"Back in the 1500s, I believe. It replaced an older castle that had begun to deteriorate," Holmboe answered as they were greeted by a guard, who guided them down the hall. "It has been redecorated more recently. Her Majesty or Master Kai can fill you in better than I can about the specifics of this place. Architecture and structural engineering are two of the Queen's biggest passions."
The guard stopped in front of a set of soaring doors, opened them, and gestured for the guests to enter. Mrs. Mandelbaum's jaw dropped. It's was the castle's art gallery. "Oh, mother," said Zlata, seeing the astonished look on her face. Eliasz and Waclaw each took one of Debora's arms, fearing she might go weak in the knees.
Sinibaldo, Homberg, and Father Papadopoulos were already milling about within and talking with quite an assortment of other people. Foreign dignitaries, professors, local officials, and some who defied easy categorization were looking at the paintings and chatting affably in the large room. Debora had eyes only for the artwork. The conversations lulled as everyone saw her obvious rapture.
"Oh, dear. We might not be able to get her out of this room," Eliasz said to Zlata.
"Well, I would say they'd bring a plate to her, since they're accustomed to people being holed up in rooms around here, but food and drink are not permitted in the gallery," said an older woman who looked to be an administrative type.
Debora slowly turned a complete circle, scanning each wall from top to bottom. "There are some prestigious pieces here!" she gushed.
"We have more in the halls and other rooms, too. They're mostly family portraits, but there are a few highlights of the collection in the mix. Castle tours run on Tuesdays and Fridays, at ten o'clock and one o'clock," Minister Haugen said helpfully.
"Well, I know where to find her tomorrow," Eliasz deadpanned.
Debora gravitated toward one particular canvas. "The notorious "L'Escarpolette" by Fragonard..." she breathed. Most of the guests joined her in studying it.
"One of Princess Anna's favorites, along with Jeanne d'Arc over there," Minister Rogalund said with a smile.
"That man is looking up that lady's skirt and laughing," Adam observed. John covered his eyes in embarrassment. Irene once again tried to cover Adam's and Beatrice's eyes. Some of the other guests chuckled.
"It was subject to a fair amount of criticism for being too irreverent and ignoble," Debora explained. "And here it is in Arendelle, of all places."
"Many pieces of fine art left France during the Revolution and Buonaparte's wars and the aftermath," grumbled an obviously French diplomat. "Sold to the highest bidders by exiled or ruined owners desperate for funds or by looters."
"A sensitive subject, to be sure, Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie," Rogalund said, trying to calm the waters before too many waves were made. The ambassador, who unfortunately was not the same man that had represented France at Queen Elsa's coronation, was always somewhat prickly, and his mood was bound to be even worse, once the Daloans and Coronans went public with their new partnership.
Before the French ambassador could respond, the doors opened again, and a portly, bald-headed man in Arendelle's livery stepped in. "Would Mr. Adam Scurr and Miss Beatrice Scurr please accompany me to the children's dining room?" he said.
Adam and Beatrice glanced at their parents, silently asking for the go-ahead. "Behave yourselves," Irene reminded them.
"Remember that you are guests of royalty," John cautioned.
The children nodded, and followed Kai out with as much dignity as they could manage. All of the adults, even the French ambassador, smiled.
"Don't worry. There's nothing those two can do to faze the staff or damage the building," remarked the older, administrative-type woman. "This castle has survived the best efforts of the many high-spirited and rambunctious royal children that have been raised here. For a while, it seemed that Queen Elsa was the black sheep -or maybe it should be the white sheep- of the family in that regard, but then her little prison break outdid them all, combined."
Duffin made a mental note to try to talk at length in private with the woman later on. "Does Her Majesty have a favorite painting?"
"She has never mentioned anything to me. We have never had a reason to discuss the castle's artworks, except for a few old tapestries," Rogalund admitted. Duffin looked at Haugen, who shook his head.
Debora had moved on to other paintings. "A minor, but very nice, Rubens," she said, stopping before a landscape.
"There's also a Botticelli and a Rembrandt around here somewhere," Haugen said.
"Not bad for a little private collection," Debora pronounced.
"It's something of a tradition for the royals to bring back at least one work of art when they go a-voyaging," Haugen told her.
"Well, I guess providing the family's next art acquisition will be another thing Queen Elsa leaves for Princess Anna to do," the older, administrative-type woman quipped. Rogalund and Haugen both gave the woman looks of admonishment. "What? Going a-voyaging is almost always done before ascending to the throne."
"Queen Elsa has many years ahead of her, Minister Nilsson," Haugen contended.
"And she will always find some project here that she needs to work on, Minister Haugen, even if it's personally measuring the coastline centimeter by centimeter," Minister Nilsson replied. By now, the exchange had everyone's attention, including Debora's. "So just forget the idea of taking your magic show on the road. And the Queen has no need for the 'meeting people' portion of going a-voyaging. Besides that, even if she did, the people come to us now."
Haugen opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Irene and Debora shared a quizzical look. Dinner wasn't even started, and already the discussion was lively.
"Her Majesty does want to visit other countries one day," Rogalund insisted.
"And you would likely need to stay home, to help the regent run the country, so just forget the idea of seeing the world on a junket, Minister Rogalund," Nilsson retorted.
"I bet they could charge admission to the council meetings," Irene said out of the corner of her mouth to Debora, but not as softly as she had intended to.
"Don't give Minister Haugen any ideas," Nilsson said with a genuinely hearty laugh. "At any rate, most of the time the meetings are just a bunch of tedious facts and figures that put us to sleep."
"Followed by cursing and name-calling and ten lashes each to wake us up," said an older man who looked like a high-ranking military officer of some sort. "Queen Elsa runs a very tight ship." He winked.
"Please, Admiral, no nautical jokes until the reception, when I have a few glasses of wine in me," Nilsson jibed.
"I've heard that you always have a few glasses of wine in you," the Admiral riposted.
"You are misinformed, sir," Nilsson said with mock pique. "Not wine. Brandy."
"Do you see what I have to work with?" Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie said to the rest of his party, and nobody could tell if he was just keeping up with the banter or actually complaining.
The doors abruptly opened again, and Kai called the crowd to order. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you would please follow me," the royal handler said.
They filed out of the gallery, trailing the stout man. Since the locals and resident ambassadors had done this many times before, things went smoothly once they reached the dining hall. There were footmen holding placards on which were written the names of the various guests, and everyone simply sorted themselves; the footmen, in turn, lead their charges to their assigned seats at the U-shaped table arrangement, set up to accommodate sixty people with twenty chairs on each side. A fire crackled cheerfully in a large hearth, and high up on the walls were sizeable portraits of past monarchs. The castle staff was buzzing around the side tables and bustling through doorways. Again, the overall effect was welcoming, akin to a distinguished hotel.
The Mandelbaums and Waclaw were still clearly a little awed. The Daloans and the Khentiians were arrayed in their finery, which made all of the Europeans' formal clothes look drab and even shabby. They felt more at ease when they saw the Ice Master enter and take a seat near the middle of the head of the table, although they noted that the other Arendellians and dignitaries were obviously getting ready to stand. It seemed the royals were about to make their entrance.
Sure enough, Kai strode in through the door and announced: "Please stand for Princess Anna of Arendelle."
They all did so, and the Sunflower Princess gaily traipsed in, wearing a richly embroidered green dress and her braids tucked up. She stood and waved to everybody when she arrived at her seat. Irene, Debora, and Zlata found themselves waving back along with all of the locals.
"Please remain standing for Queen Elsa of Arendelle," Kai intoned.
The Snow Queen stepped into the room, resplendent in an ice-dress of dark blue overlaid with a glittering white snowflake motif. It covered more of her shoulders and had a higher neckline than her daytime clothing but still featured the thigh-high slit in the skirt. Her pale blue cape was extra long, and the cold breeze she summoned lifted the train off the floor. Everyone bowed or curtsied as she walked gracefully to the central head of the table. Once there, the breeze stopped, the cape shortened to a more sensible length, and she draped it over her left arm and sat.
"Welcome to Arendelle castle. Please be seated," Elsa said graciously. They did so. "Tonight's dinner is held in honor of our visitors from the great nations of Daloa and Khentii, who are also the unofficial champions of today's snowball fight; and the latest members of the university's staff: Doctor Scurr, Professor Mandelbaum, Professor Fauth, Mrs. Westcott, and Mister Eyde."
There was a round of polite applause, and the castle staff immediately snapped into well-choreographed action, facilitated by the table's open-centered layout. Working in three teams, one for each section, they quickly served everyone with water, wine, rolls, and soup. As soon as the last steaming bowl was placed, Elsa ran her eyes over the assembly in search of any disgruntlement. Seeing none, she began to eat without bothering to gauge the soup's temperature. The guests then picked up their utensils, and let their spoonfuls cool off slightly before enjoying their first taste of the royal kitchen's leek and asparagus soup.
After waiting a respectful amount of time and making sure the head Daloan dignitary did not have his mouth full, Elsa broke the ice, with the purpose of finding out if the cocoa growers had found a new business partner. "So, Ambassador Jamang, I understand you and your people fared quite well in your first snowball fight."
"We had outstanding teachers, teammates, and strategists, Your Majesty," Jamang said, motioning to the Khentiians and Rogalund. Elsa made eye contact with Rogalund who bowed his head humbly. She took that as a good sign. "It was a group effort."
"Finding the right associates does make all the difference, Your Excellency," Elsa said with a smile. "I am glad you enjoyed the experience."
Jamang smiled broadly in return. "As I told your sister, today was amazing! First, we reached a trade agreement with Corona; then we witnessed Your Majesty work your incredible magic on the steel and stone; and then we played in snow for the first time. I wish I could bring some back home."
At the mention of the "trade agreement with Corona," Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie's expression soured, and he tried to crane his head over the guests from the Visby embassy to glower at the Coronans. The two other men in attendance from the French embassy, one getting up in his years and the other slightly older than Elsa, looked stunned.
"Does something displease Your Most French Excellency?" the Visby ambassador chirped.
"No, Your Most Visbic Excellency. I was merely working out a slightly stiff neck. I might have pulled a muscle during the snowball fight," de Flahaut de La Billarderie fibbed.
"Sorry to hear that. I hope Your Most French Excellency won't need to retire early. I understand there is a sumptuous chocolate cake for dessert," the Visby ambassador cooed.
The French ambassador tried to disguise his growl by clearing his throat and wiping his mouth with his napkin, and his two compatriots took long sips of wine, while all the other diplomatic guests barely curbed their chuckles. Elsa pursed her lips but her eyes shone with glee. The rest of the company sensed that there was an interesting back-story.
"Palace intrigue," Homberg whispered to Papadopoulos. Newark, sitting next to them, faintly smirked and concentrated on buttering his dinner roll. Sinibaldo smirked more conspicuously while he made a great show of tilting his soup dish away from himself to get the last spoonful of liquid.
On Elsa's right, Anna's shoulders shook slightly and her eyes crinkled. Kristoff, sitting to Anna's right, noticed and wondered if Anna was privy to the joke, even though she tended to stay well away from trade negotiations and political maneuverings. But since whatever was going on apparently involved chocolate, it could have attracted his girlfriend's attention. Or maybe she was just amused that the stuck-up French ambassador had somehow been brought down a peg or two.
Elsa stepped back in to guide the conversation in a more innocuous direction. "If your ship's cargo capacity permits it, I can provide you with several barrels of snow to take home, Ambassador Jamang, as a gift to your people."
"We would be grateful, Your Majesty," Jamang said, smiling even more broadly. "I will check with the captain. Only very few of our people have seen snow even at a distance, so I know they will be thrilled if they can touch the real thing."
"Your Excellency, I'm sorry to say that what we played in today wasn't real snow," Newark cut in. "I must give Queen Elsa high marks for improving upon nature."
"How is real snow different, sir?" asked Jamang looking from Newark to Elsa.
"For starters, Your Excellency, real snow is cold, and unless the temperature remains below a certain point, it will melt," Newark expounded. "Next, real snow doesn't turn to a nice, soft, dry powder upon impact, especially if you can form it into a firm ball that's perfect for throwing."
"I can make some real snow for you later on, Ambassador," Elsa offered.
Jamang's eyes widened. "Thank you, Your Majesty. I am very curious now."
The staff moved in to remove the soup dishes, refill the glasses, and replenish the rolls before bringing out the next course: a salad of four different types of lettuce, shredded carrots, sliced cucumbers, red onions, and radishes, topped with a small fillet of baked salmon -skin already removed- and a lemon-dill dressing.
"Princess Anna suggested that you could supply me with a sample of your snowball fight substance that doesn't turn into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight, Your Majesty," Newark put forward as he tucked into his salad.
Elsa nodded, and an ice-canister filled with the requested snow popped into existence in front of Newark. Despite the marvels they had already seen that day, almost all of the visitors still gasped.
"The effortlessness with which you do that is astounding, Your Majesty," said Sinibaldo. "I am only familiar with the stereotypical stories about human magic users that involve some kind of ritual to make the magic happen. You know, like a spell or invocation, or the use some kind of object or potion, or a set of prescribed motions, or a sacrifice."
"I could do song and dance routines, Professor Sinibaldo, but it would be rather time consuming and horribly out of place in most situations," Elsa said playfully, in hopes of steering the discussion away from an uncomfortable topic; she undeniably had rituals, but they were for the opposite purpose.
"Oh, you don't say, Queen I-Don't-Dance?" Anna snapped. Almost all the guests were taken aback by the Princess' irritated tone. Kristoff focused on his salad. Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie rolled his eyes and disapprovingly shook his head. John and Irene traded bemused looks.
"If Princess Anna is not in the mood for repartee tonight, then perhaps she should remove to the children's dining room," Elsa said archly, although she took care to make sure there was no drop in the temperature. She had a feeling Helga needed to apply the ice to rouse Anna from her nap. That was no one's fault but her sister's, though, and the Queen not about to let tonight's dinner become a verbal joust because Anna was miffed about a few ice cubes.
It was de Flahaut de La Billarderie's turn to barely curb a chuckle. John and Irene traded shocked looks. Minister Nilsson nearly choked on her wine, and Haugen helped her steady her glass. "Goes down smooth," Nilsson croaked and reached for her napkin.
The Admiral, seated to Elsa's left, gave his Queen a sidelong look. There spoke the young lady who had surprised all the members -himself included- of her father's advisory council with the way she assumed authority after her parents' passing. They had quickly discovered there was an iron hand within the velvet glove, and she would be no pushover, let alone puppet. King Agnarr had trained her to be a ruler, and an extremely self-disciplined and self-contained one at that. Now that her powers were out in the open and the Queen was much more approachable and obliging, it was easy to forget that Elsa was more than capable of imposing her will on a situation, even without the use of her magic.
"Sorry, Your Majesty, I was out of line," Anna said contritely, and toyed with her lettuce.
"The children's dining room is much more fun, though," Elsa informed everyone. "Song and dance routines are just a natural course of the meal there. Some people know how to live it up, without worrying about what the high and mighty think."
"Did she just make a pun?" Debora muttered to Eliasz, who subtly shrugged his shoulders and found himself privately worrying about what he had gotten his family into.
"So that means I can still have dessert, Queen Elsa?" Anna asked, keeping her eyes on her lettuce as she pushed it around her plate.
"I'm not a total tyrant," Elsa said with mock exasperation.
"Thanks, sis," Anna said with overdone informality, and Kristoff could see the impish light in her eyes as she kept them directed at her plate. Now he knew she was up to something, and it involved dessert. He just hoped it wouldn't cause an international incident or provoke the wrath of the castle staff.
Duffin was compelled to return to the previous track of the conversation. "Professor Sinibaldo, going back to the rituals often mentioned in the lore, the evidence indicates that they were mostly types of misdirection, like the kind stage magicians and illusionists employ to keep your eyes away from the slight of hand and special props they use. In other cases, they were certainly used to psychologically lead the onlookers to believe that magic was being performed. If given the right backdrop, the human brain will see what it wants to see, or what it has been primed to see. There might be one or two instances in history when a genuinely magical object or third party played a role in an act of true magic. But the fact that Queen Elsa doesn't need the usual hocus-pocus is strong proof that she has real magical powers. I mean, aside from the fact that we've just seen her create ice and snow as quick as a thought."
"Maybe quicker," Sinibaldo proposed. "Your Majesty, I suppose that you have worked out your more complicated designs, like the swing sets or the monocular that Mr. Homberg was showing me while we waited for dinner to start, ahead of time. But as we saw when you let us experience your 'tension' this morning, and with chain breaking load test this afternoon, sometimes your magic has a reflexive aspect to it. Just how much can it do automatically?"
This was a question that Elsa did not want to answer, at least not in public. "As I mentioned at our table discussion this morning, unless I intervene, my magic will simply do particular things in particular situations, without any deliberate orders from me," Elsa acknowledged, struggling to find a superficial but still satisfying response; performing artists weren't the only ones who relied on misdirection to get by. "I have been told that as a newborn, I created a small patch of frost and finely powdered snow, obviously without conscious thought. And there have been many times when my magic fills in the details for me, even if I don't explicitly ask it to fill in the details. For instance, how my ice-fabric holds itself together and has different textures. I don't need to think about which weave or thread count would give the desired appearance, or even instruct my magic to figure it out; it just comes out the way I want it to look."
"Most wondrous!" Ambassador Nasu declared. "Your magic is as automatic as breathing!"
"Automagic!" Minister Nilsson said to her immediate neighbors and drained her wine, and then reached for Haugen's glass and poured his beverage into her goblet.
"Your Excellency, from my perspective, needing rituals to activate magic makes a great deal of sense," Elsa clarified serenely, feeling that honesty was now the best policy to avoid a potentially dangerous misunderstanding about the nature of real magic, at least her variety. "Far more sense than needing rituals to restrain it. At least as a child, while learning control."
Anna shifted in her seat. As much as she sometimes liked to tease her sister, watching Elsa engage in this kind of abstract fencing with strangers left her flustered. She had no idea how Elsa stayed so calm, how the "conceal, don't feel" ritual could possibly work in some scenarios.
" 'It is costly wisdom that is bought by experience,' " quoted Newark, staring hard at the Snow Queen, who raised her wine glass in a toast to him and finally took her first sip of her wine. Newark reciprocated the gesture, followed by everyone else - except Haugen who had to make do with his water glass as Nilsson gulped the last of what had been his wine. "And you've obviously paid your dues in full, because your control is supreme now. However, it does seem that your reflexive magic has saved your life at least once, and has the potential to do so again in the future if the findings of the researchers from Kakrafoon are anything to go by."
"I'm sorry, Professor Newark, but you'll have to jog my memory," Elsa said nonchalantly as the staff stepped in to remove the salad plates, freshen the drinks, and provide more rolls and butter. "There have been many researchers from many countries, and I usually don't read my own press."
"That your magic will automatically form an ice barrier over any poisoned food, beverage, or surface that you touch," Newark informed her, and all the other guests at the table, locals and foreigners, along with Anna and Kristoff, expressed their awe.
"Ah, yes, I remember now," Elsa said casually. "It was a disturbing test, knowing that some of the things I was trying to touch or to consume would make me at least very sick if my magic couldn't tell there was a hazard and the Kakrafoonans didn't stop me in time. But I hope you can understand why I wanted to find out if my powers have that ability. It was also a headache of a test in that the more anxious I am, the more difficult it is to keep from involuntarily icing over perfectly safe things. Trying to block one reflexive reaction but not another, trying to control my nerves while allowing the magic to do its thing was a very tricky balancing act. I'm glad I don't have to go through that again. I'll take one of Professor Holmboe's math exams over something like that anytime."
There was a round of subdued laughter, which quickly halted when the staff brought out the main course. Elsa was, naturally, served first, and as the cover was removed from her plate, those newcomers to dinner at the castle who were seated close enough to her had their first look at the vaunted generosity of Arendelle's table ... and if this was the portion fit for a queen, they began to suspect that reports of the vaunted generosity of Arendelle's table were something of an ironic joke. The slice of roast beef was so thin that light could probably be seen through it. But then the covers were removed from the plates of the Princess, Ice Master, and Admiral, and they began to suspect that someone, probably soon to be seeking a new job, had played something of a practical joke on the Queen.
As each lid was lifted to reveal a very liberal serving of roast beef and potatoes for everyone else, they braced for some kind of eruption of temper from the Queen. But none was forthcoming. Elsa merely glanced around the table to make sure that nothing had been missed. And then she glanced up at some of the portraits on the walls. And then she gave her water glass a slight turn. Although tantalized by the aroma, everyone waited patiently for the Queen to take the first bite. And then Elsa smoothed the tablecloth and gave her water glass another slight turn - but suddenly pulled up sharply and glared at Anna, who insistently nodded her head at Elsa's plate and stared meaningfully at the food. Everyone, first-timers and old-hands alike, fought to mask his or her amusement at Anna's blatant under-the-table prompt and Elsa's look of embarrassed comprehension. There were a few suppressed snorts from Jamang and Nakuta, and a stifled hoot from Minister Nilsson.
Elsa raised a hand in apology, cut off a very small piece, and dutifully ate it. With that, the rest of them tackled their shares with gusto. John inquisitively watched Elsa eat only a few more minute bites and then ignore the remainder, and noted that the Princess was displeased with the Queen's lack of progress, and gave Elsa a quick nudge with her elbow to prod her along. The Queen merely shook her head and looked the other way. John had to keep a laugh in check as Anna rolled her eyes in frustration before smiling deviously.
"Your Majesty, where is Kakrafoon?" asked Newark between mouthfuls.
"I still do not know, Professor Newark," Elsa admitted, nonplussed. "It was very awkward when they showed up, and we knew nothing about them. And couldn't find any information about them. At least they didn't seem to be offended. They said they were simple scientists and didn't expect or need any of the usual diplomatic niceties. Unlike a couple of our other unexpected guests."
"Sokovia," said Rogalund with a shudder.
"Oh, don't remind me," appealed Anna.
"Yes, please don't," concurred de Flahaut de La Billarderie.
"Your Majesty, while others are interested in your reflexive magic, I am currently more fascinated by your thought-out designs. Well, I guess they are thought-out designs. Namely, the monoculars, binoculars, and telescopes in the Royal Gift Shop," Homberg said. "Princess Anna also mentioned something about a microscope."
"Telescopes? Microscopes?" queried Newark, looking from Homberg to Elsa.
Elsa nodded again, and one telescope and one microscope each appeared floating in the air in front of Newark and Homberg. "If I recall correctly, both of you are slated for a night at the observatory, but in the meantime, you can entertain yourselves with a more portable version," Elsa said blithely.
Eliasz, Sinibaldo, John, Duffin, Nasu, and Jamang immediately waved their hands, and with a minimal tilt of her head, Elsa outfitted them with the same optics.
"Oh, she's being munificent with the party favors tonight!" Nilsson said to Haugen, who kept his wine glass in both of his hands and out of her reach, which required invading Kristoff's personal space.
"How did you hit upon the idea, Your Majesty?" asked Homberg while he inspected the Queen's gifts.
"Olaf first showed us that my ice can act as a magnifier," Elsa divulged. "From there, it was just a matter of making lenses, prisms, mirrors, and experimenting with housings and focus pulling mechanisms."
"Have you thought about exporting any of these, Your Majesty?" Homberg asked encouragingly. "Perhaps you do not want too many of them in foreign hands, since the shopkeeper referred to the monoculars as being military surplus, but I know you could get a fine price abroad for even a limited quantity of them, much more than you're currently asking here."
"Military surplus?" queried Newark, looking from Homberg to Elsa.
Elsa stared at her barely touched slice of roast, and tried not to fiddle with her hands. "I don't want to take anyone's livelihood away from him, Mr. Homberg," she said at last. "We didn't have such an industry in Arendelle, so I don't mind selling them here. But other countries do, and there's no way they can compete with me."
"If you made them for your military, why are you selling them in a gift shop?" Newark asked.
"What else could she do with them all, short of unmaking them?" proclaimed Nilsson. "She had already given one to every man, woman, and child in Arendelle."
"Just how many did you make, Your Majesty?" asked Homberg.
"Fifty thousand," Elsa said quietly. Every foreigner raised his or her eyebrows. The Admiral wiped his mouth with his napkin to hide his grin. A few other uniformed men also clamped their hands over their mouths.
"I didn't think Arendelle's military forces were that large, Your Majesty," Newark said with a touch of confusion. "In fact, I didn't think your entire population was close to that large."
"You think correctly, sir," the Admiral answered, admirably keeping a straight face. "There was just a little mix-up in the production run."
"How many did you intend to make, Your Majesty?" asked Homberg.
"Five thousand," Elsa said quietly.
"Well, you were only off by one order of magnitude, Your Majesty," Newark said drolly.
"There are three types of mathematician: Those who can count and those who can't," Elsa said with a shrug.
Professor Holmboe bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Everyone else was very quiet and still, holding their knives and forks frozen in place over their plates. Crickets could be heard chirping in an adjoining room.
"Why are there crickets in the castle?" Elsa demanded, looking for Kai.
"Your Majesty, I've told you that math jokes play well with only a very limited audience," Haugen lectured.
"Seriously, why are there crickets in the castle, Master Kai?" Elsa persisted.
"I suspect it's an auditory illusion, Your Majesty," Kai said. "They can be extremely loud little creatures."
"So what's the third type of mathematician?" asked Anna, waiting for the punch line.
Holmboe finally unleashed a guffaw. "Queen Elsa was telling you in a facetiously roundabout way that she's one of those mathematicians who can't count. Which is pure slander on her part," he said with a wink and a smile.
There were a few restrained groans from the guests, and many of them covered their eyes with their palms and shook their heads. Anna pretended to be very disappointed, but could not keep the tenderness from showing in her eyes.
"Now I see where Olaf gets it from," Papadopoulos whispered to Homberg.
The staff hastened to remove the plates and pour more drinks. As the maid reached for Elsa's plate, she gave it the once-over and then made eye contact with the Princess, who nodded furtively. Kristoff noticed and felt very unsettled, wishing he could think of some reason to excuse himself before Anna could launch her prank.
"Your Majesty?" Eliasz began, still feeling self-conscious about dining with a queen in her castle. "What is your educational background? You seem to have a very thorough grasp of math, science, and engineering, judging from what Professor Holmboe has told us and your comments during the materials test for your harbor's new seawall."
"She ate tutors for dinner," Anna broke in. "Which is more than can be said about roast beef." This time it was Anna who pulled up sharply and glared at Elsa. Elsa ignored her. John and Irene looked at each other in disbelief.
"I had lessons in many subjects, Professor Mandelbaum," Elsa said modestly, glancing up at one specific portrait. "The king my father understood how important science and engineering are to our modern world, and he saw to it that I was instructed in those areas. Plus, I have always had a natural interest in structures and patterns, so I was always inclined towards fields that study or make use of them."
"So you did the engineering for the seawall yourself?" asked Eliasz.
"Oh, no!" Elsa said. "I know how and where the forces are acting, and certainly how to calculate them. I know what properties the building materials need to have, and how they will fit together. I have my projections for what the future holds in terms of ships and cargo. But Professor Nyberg over there drew up the design. We checked each other's math and critiqued each other's reasoning, but the professional, trained engineer is the one who gives the final approval of the plans, not the monarch. This is not going to be like King Gustav II Adolf of Sweden and the Vasa."
The Swedish ambassador grumbled something into his wine glass.
"I am not familiar with the reference, Your Majesty," said Nasu, looking from the Swedish ambassador to Elsa.
"The Vasa was a warship, one of the most heavily armed of its day," Elsa recounted. "Too heavily armed. All of the artillery pieces and especially the two gun decks required to accommodate them put too much weight up too high relative to the part of the ship below the waterline. The ship sank a little over a kilometer into her maiden voyage, with hundreds of people looking on. Of course, there was an inquest to find the guilty parties - but it turns out the ship had been built as ordered and approved by King Gustav II Adolf, who was undoubtedly a good general and statesman, but not a naval engineer."
"It was all the fault of the Dutch and Weseltonians," averred the Swedish ambassador. "As you say, the king was not a naval engineer, and the shipwrights should have told him that what he was asking for would be unstable. Or found a way to make it stable. We were lucky it was not a far greater tragedy."
Anna shifted in her seat again; shipwrecks were not her favorite conversational theme.
"That's one of the drawbacks of a monarchy, especially when the king or queen is successful, charismatic, and ambitious. Almost no one dares to speak up when the ruler wants to do something ill-advised," Elsa reflected, and took a second sip of her wine.
Anna shifted in her seat again, but this time because dessert was on its way - and a successful, charismatic, and ambitious queen was about to get her just deserts.
As the cover was removed from Elsa's plate, the Queen of Arendelle angrily uttered: "What. Is. This."
Author's Notes - Yes, I know the version of Fragonard's "The Swing" shown in "Frozen" lacks the man in the bushes looking up the swinger's skirt (like he could see anything more than seven layers of fabric), but that feature of the painting is the reason it's so famous. So I'm putting it back in.
I really liked that Elsa the Reality Warper needs rituals to turn her magic off rather than turn it on. It's yet another formulaic concept that "Frozen" turned on its head to make the story more emotionally griping.
I also base Elsa's "Iron Hand in Velvet Glove" characterization on what we see or is implied in the movie. "I SAID, ENOUGH!" is the biggie, but also "I mean, if you'd hit my sister Elsa, that would be- yeesh! 'Cuz, you know..." suggests Anna has at least seen Elsa stare daggers at somebody for bumping into her or something similar. And the look that Elsa gives the Bishop when he directs her to remove her gloves hints that Elsa is used to having her way when she deals with people. She wasn't just nervous and trembling right away; at first, she was downright angry that he remembered and/or gave her an order, albeit a meek one relating to tradition that even she was compelled to obey.
I guess this is as good a place as any to do the disclaimer that the characters and places in "Frozen" are the property of Disney. Sokovia is from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (also Disney). The name Kakrafoon is from Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (movie rights owned by Disney). Just being cutesy.
It is really, really hard to fit in a math joke without being outrageously awkward - but since Elsa has a touch of awkwardness, it kinda works.
The story of the Vasa and Gustavus Adolphus (Gustav II Adolf) really is true. Spend a couple of years and who knows how much money building this magnificent flagship, load it with cannons, and watch it sink right away. Those were the days!
