28. Royal Pain
Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie had overheard the Queen and Minister Nilsson note the absence of the Ice Master. He discreetly scanned the room and verified that Kristoff had not yet returned, and then nonchalantly strolled over to d'Ambly while furtively gesturing to de Gercy to join him.
"Bjorgman has stepped out for some reason. Get over there now, d'Ambly, and show some support for the Princess," de Flahaut de La Billarderie directed.
The second son of the Marquis d'Ambly, however, looked like he could use some support himself. The wine at dinner, the brandy at the reception, and the Scotch whisky he had downed before even arriving at the castle were catching up with him. His family, with the tacit blessing of his country's political leaders, was pressuring him to try to win the Crown Princess over, much to his displeasure. Princess Anna was not his type, and he was very alarmed by Queen Elsa's eerie magic and acute intelligence. As much as Arendelle was the envy of other nations, he would rather not be stationed in the petty kingdom for any purpose.
"She is surrounded by high-ranking locals," de Gercy pointed out.
"At the moment, he only needs to be a friendly face amidst all the scowls," de Flahaut de La Billarderie asserted. "We know a few kind words at the right time can go a long way with Her Highness. This is just an introduction." The ambassador gave d'Ambly a nudge to set him off.
Out of the corner of her eye, Elsa watched the Frenchmen converse and inferred that they were making a gambit, as she presupposed they would. She peeked at Anna, moping in the band's alcove, to be sure that the Admiral, the Bishop, Kai, and Haugen were still by her side. She did not want d'Ambly to get a shot at a private dialogue with her sister until she could warn her about the young aristocrat. She had half a mind to send Nilsson over to Anna to alert her about d'Ambly's ultimate intentions, but as much as she trusted Nilsson to be scrupulous and vigilant with Arendelle's finances, the Minister of the Treasury was not the sort of person to inconspicuously deliver sensitive information to someone who was already upset. And she dared not go to Anna herself right now because it was apparent that she was the cause of Anna's problems tonight.
She checked the door again, hoping to catch Kristoff as soon as he came in. His presence would be the best deterrent - and the best balm for Anna's stung pride. The researchers and Nilsson could not help observing the Queen making assessments.
"I know this is a stupid question, Your Majesty, but are your hands cold?" ventured Nilsson. "You keep rubbing them."
Elsa immediately dropped her hands down by her sides. "No, Minister Nilsson. Just a nervous habit," she admitted somewhat ashamedly. She was merely exchanging one tic for another.
The silence stretched, and only Elsa seemed comfortable with it as she kept a watch on d'Ambly, who was loitering in Anna's vicinity, and on the main doors for Kristoff's reappearance. She also had half a mind to send someone to look for him. He might have gotten caught up in the children's division of dinner. Lurking behind his rough-hewn loner exterior was a man who would never think twice about showing kindness to a child, even if it was something as simple as wiping chocolate frosting off of cheeks or listening to an excited report about the evening's activities with Olaf.
Elsa looked over at Anna, who was finally responding to whatever it was that the Admiral had been saying to her, then to d'Ambly, then to the other two Frenchmen, then one last time at the doors. "Please excuse me," Elsa said to everyone around her, and walked off to ask a footman or two to go in search of Kristoff.
"A game of chess," Sinibaldo remarked, not wholly understanding what was going on, but keeping track of the positions of the human pieces.
"The Bishop is still on the board, but Her Majesty is missing one of her knights," Newark quipped, giving Anna and her sentinels his attention. He could see the Princess was becoming more animated again.
The Princess was, in actuality, becoming rather peeved by the quartet's attempts to cheer her up or edify her about her gaffes tonight. She really wanted to be by herself at the moment, or at least with someone to whom she could fully explain her side of events.
"Admiral, I understand that I shouldn't have done that at a formal event, but could you at least lecture Queen Elsa about her eating habits? Because she never really had anybody there before to correct her," Anna insisted, her heart quietly aching at the thought of her sister eating -or only picking at- so many meals alone in her room, served a limited menu for years in the name of "convenience," and now they had a queen who was, among other things, a gastronomic shut-in. "She barely touched her main course tonight, and she skipped last night's dinner altogether. She is such a ... such a finicky eight-year-old who will eat just five things and only if it's on her favorite plate."
"The Queen told us she ate more than usual for lunch, Your Highness, because she doesn't care for roast beef," Admiral Sverdrup elucidated.
"Oh, sure. A likely story," Anna said dismissively. "Do you know how many times she says 'I already ate' or 'I had a big lunch' in order to dodge trying something that's unusual by her standards? Really, really bizarre foods that nobody else appreciates. For example, beef burgundy, paella, lasagna, and caviar. She drives the foreign embassies crazy. They pull out all the stops to return the favor, and she just says 'No, thank you,' and then they get stuck with me as a guest." She looked pointedly at Haugen, who had to nod in corroboration. When the resident ambassadors extended invitations to a repast to reciprocate the castle's generosity, Anna had tried several times without success to set Elsa and Haugen up on a something that superficially resembled a dinner date if squinted at the right way.
"But the Queen did have two pieces of fish at lunch today, Your Highness," Kai said softly. "And yesterday she ate before she left to attend to the 'sudden urgent matter.' She mentioned something about not knowing how long it would take to deal with the issue."
Anna stared hard at Kai. Naturally, Elsa would have chosen to eat sensibly and tell the truth about it on the day that Anna had planned a penalty. And just as naturally, none of the staff could be bothered to give her an update. "Kai, I know you overheard us making the arrangements at lunch - and for the record, you didn't say anything to try to talk me out of it, and you clearly didn't rat on me. Why didn't you tell me Elsa had a big lunch for real?" It took an effort to keep the anger out of her voice. The Admiral, the Bishop, and Haugen looked quizzically at the castle's major domo.
"Her Majesty ate after you did, Princess. You were in town for most of the afternoon, and then you took a nap," Kai explained.
"And when you sent Helga to wake me up, you couldn't have sent a message along with the ice? Just a little note for me to read after I got the ice cubes off of my ear?" Anna interrogated, her tone growing sharper. The Admiral, the Bishop, and Haugen looked even more quizzically at the royal handler.
"It did not occur to me, Your Highness," Kai replied with embarrassment. "I honestly didn't know it would have dissuaded you. When you set your mind on something, it can be very hard to stop you, ma'am."
Anna regarded the man she considered to be a surrogate uncle, the closest thing to a father figure that she had after the loss of her parents. The man who played with her when she was little if he had a chance, who helped her with her lessons, who always showed compassion whenever she was disciplined for some misbehavior or felt too ignored, who silently let her leave a foreigner she had just met in charge of Arendelle, and who allowed her to ride off after her surprisingly magical sister with nothing more than a cloak to wear over her coronation outfit.
"Has it ever dawned on anyone that maybe it only seems like I have bad judgment because people don't ever give me enough information to make good decisions?" Anna snapped.
Deep down, she knew his statement about it being hard to stop her was valid; she was the person who had refused to return to town, even after it was obvious that she had no clue where Elsa had gone, even after it was obvious that the snow was not going to melt once the sun rose, and even after she was separated from her horse. But her judgment certainly suffered from thirteen years' worth of lies, secrets, and silence; discovering that she had been kept out of the loop once again did not improve her disposition.
"I apologize, Your Highness," Kai said contritely. "I will take full responsibility for the debacle with the cake."
"No, you won't! It was totally a group effort," Anna contended. "And Elsa knows it." She pinched the bridge of her nose as she thought about how to start making it up to her sister. "Look, I need to get back to co-hosting this reception, to doing something to help Elsa. She can't handle fifty-eight people by herself."
She squared her shoulders and steeled herself to enter the social fray again. She decided to start with the Khentiians, to ask them if their country received a lot of snow, to find out what their winter pastimes and traditions were. She stepped away from the nook and her fellow Arendellians, on the lookout for the exquisite tunics decorated with genuine gold and silver threads.
With slightly bleary eyes, d'Ambly saw his chance, unwanted as it was, present itself. With slightly unsteady legs, he walked forward to intercept the Princess and tried to think, with a slightly foggy mind, of something to say that would lead her to see him as an ally and someone she would like to get to know better. He stumbled unexpectedly into Anna's path, and she did not have enough time to avoid him. They bumped into each other, and the Frenchman spilled his brandy on both of them. For once, Anna was not the cause of a collision, but that did not stop d'Ambly from cursing in his native tongue. All heads immediately turned to see what had happened. Elsa was already striding towards the scene, as were de Flahaut de La Billarderie and de Gercy.
"D'Ambly!" admonished de Flahaut de La Billarderie.
"I cannot believe they want me to win your childish affection, brat! You are the crudest, stupidest imitation of a princesh I haf ever heard of! Seriously, were you raised in a barn? By a goat? Or maybe a mule? You are besht left with that stinking brute from the wild! But even the savage doeshn't want any part of you tonight!" d'Ambly loudly let loose, no longer able to restrain his frustration and discontent.
Anna froze in place as she heard the string of hurtful comments and realized that Kristoff was indeed nowhere in sight.
"Hey, mister, she's my sister!" Elsa called out just as loudly, stopping outside of arm's length from the Marquis' son. Everyone else, including the other Frenchmen, the guards, the military men, and the constables, now froze in place as well. They knew not to come between the Snow Queen and potential trouble.
"And you!" d'Ambly spat out as he fixed Elsa with a baleful gaze, because the powerful Queen was the sole reason his family and country wanted him to ingratiate himself with the awkward Princess. The alcohol, the notion that he still had diplomatic immunity, and the knowledge that he already failed fueled his audacity. "Alwaysh meddling! Alwaysh sending the good trade dealsh to your preferred minionsh! Alwaysh never quite threatening to threaten!"
Elsa considered this for a moment before nodding in bashful agreement. But there were no signs of her ice magic.
"D'Ambly!" reproved de Flahaut de La Billarderie.
"All businesh, all the time! Alwaysh a queen! You could not hold a real convershation ash a human bean if your life depended on it!" d'Ambly hotly continued.
Elsa pondered this briefly before nodding in exaggeratedly guilty agreement.
"Dear God, she's toying with him," Eliasz whispered hoarsely, and protectively placed himself in front of Debora and Zlata and slowly pushed them back. Waclaw shielded Zlata's side. John and Irene shared an anxious glance.
"D'Ambly!" castigated de Flahaut de La Billarderie.
"So superior, so controlled, so cold! Ice Queen! If a freak like you could ever find the capashity to love, you would melt away to nothing! Just like the Snow Maiden!" d'Ambly spewed.
Elsa smiled adorably at him, and there was a genuinely amused glint in her eyes.
"Shut up, man, shut up. She can kill you with a thought," Newark said under his breath, and Duffin and Sinibaldo felt their throats tighten. Papadopoulos clasped his hands together. Homberg gulped.
"D'Ambly!" upbraided de Flahaut de La Billarderie.
"All your lewd dreshes! But no one comsh to court you becaush you would freesh off their-" d'Ambly's tirade was finally halted when de Flahaut de La Billarderie physically tackled him and clamped a hand over the young man's mouth.
De Gercy charged in and pinioned d'Ambly's left arm behind his back. The two senior French diplomats then manhandled the Marquis' son towards the ball room doors, with a castle guard and one of the constables in tow. All the other guests watched in varying degrees of shock.
"Flattery will get you nowhere," Elsa said dryly as a parting shot, as d'Ambly was literally dragged out by the French ambassador and his chief of staff. Once the Queen was sure there would be no further altercation, she turned to Anna. "Are you-"
Elsa didn't get the chance to complete her question. Anna rushed from the room, fighting a losing battle against her tears. Elsa cringed and hurried after her sister, addressing the crowd as she left. "Ladies and gentlemen, in keeping with Arendelle royal tradition, tonight's reception will end earlier than anticipated. Master Kai has the floor." Her ice cape grew almost absurdly long, perhaps her only detectable slip-up of the night, as she picked up speed. The newcomers to Arendelle castle stared in astonishment.
"And in a thrilling come-from-behind victory, the French win this evening's public disturbance contest!" crowed the Visby ambassador a few beats after Elsa disappeared from view.
Rogalund smiled smugly and beckoned to the Hannoverian ambassador, who reached into his pocket and glumly passed over several coins to the Foreign Minister. The Coronans likewise demanded their payout from the Spaniards and Swedes. The Daloans and Khentiians had to chuckle, despite the subdued atmosphere.
Eliasz heaved a shaky sigh. "Now what?" he asked, more to himself than anyone else. None of the veteran guests seemed to be leaving. Kai made no announcements.
"Oh, just give Her Majesty fifteen minutes, and she'll probably be back to say a better good-night," Nilsson reassured him. "It took about six or seven receptions and balls until the Queen could make it through one without requiring a little, uh, breather before the scheduled conclusion, so we're used to her leaving and coming back. I'm actually very proud of her tonight for standing her ground. She's finally getting the hang of it."
"But what about Princess Anna?" Debora wondered.
"She'll be fine. She's more resilient than you can imagine," Nilsson pledged with surprising earnestness. "The Queen and the Ice Master will have her back in good spirits before her bedtime. If the Ice Master is all right, that is. It's been a long lavatory break. I hope he didn't fall in."
The footman that Elsa had sent in search of Kristoff had finally found him in the salon around about the same time that Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie had wrestled Monsieur d'Ambly to the ground. The footman notified him that the Queen requested his presence back in the ball room. Naturally, Elsa would notice that he was missing, but she probably needed his help with Anna, so self-pity would have to be put on hold.
Once back out in the hall, he could see what looked like two men hustling a third man towards the castle's front entrance. His stomach churned as his mind conjured several scenarios, none of them good. "Anna!" he half-shouted, and he broke into a run back to the ball room. Sure enough, his girlfriend dashed out into the hall soon after. "Anna!" he fully shouted and barreled towards her.
"Kristoff? Kristoff!" Anna sounded near tears and sprinted towards him. They met and wrapped each other in an ardent embrace. She buried her face in his chest. He lead her back towards the salon.
"I'll give you two some privacy," the footman said and scampered off.
"Anna!" Elsa's voice rang out. At first she looked in the wrong direction but then swiveled her head and saw her sister and Kristoff about to enter the salon. She swiftly coursed towards them, high heels and form-fitting dress notwithstanding, her ice cape now reaching a ridiculous length. "Anna!"
Kristoff felt a twinge of panic, uncertain if he should be keeping the sisters apart or bringing them together. He berated himself for letting his anger get the best of him, for leaving the ball room, for not knowing what had happened to Anna, for not preventing it.
"Elsa," Anna sniffled softly and stopped in the salon's doorway. He took that as a sign that Anna wasn't running from Elsa, and felt a surge of relief.
The Queen skidded to a standstill a few meters from them. "Anna, are you all right?" she asked urgently.
"I'm fine. I just need a few minutes," Anna maintained. Right now, she didn't trust herself to talk cogently with her sister after the things that d'Ambly had said about her and Kristoff and especially Elsa, and how Elsa almost seemed to encourage him.
Elsa looked Kristoff in the eye, and he understood her unspoken command as clearly as anything Sven ever said: "Just take care of my sister." He nodded meaningfully.
Elsa turned to go back to the guests and gasped when saw the extent of her ice cape. It ranged almost all the way back to the ball room doors. "Argh, I hate it when this happens," she muttered, and made a compressing motion with her hands. The cape shrank to its normal size, and she paced off. Kristoff and Anna managed smiles as they entered the salon.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Kristoff asked solicitously as he closed the door and squeezed her hand. "I think I saw somebody being thrown out of the castle. That's a pretty extreme measure."
"I'm fine," Anna repeated. "He just bumped into me -not the other way around, honest- and then started to rant about how I was a crude and stupid brat and raised in a barn and..." She didn't know if or how to tell him the other parts. "He sounded drunk."
"Who was it?" Kristoff asked, and clenched his fists behind his back.
"One of the Frenchmen. D'Ambly. He's new here. Ambassador de Flageolet de La Billet-doux and Monsieur de Geezer were the ones who threw him out," Anna told him, using their own private nicknames for the top French envoys. "So I don't think he'll be sticking around Arendelle."
"Wait. The guards didn't do anything?" Kristoff queried.
"Weelll, they might have, but with Elsa standing so close to him, they didn't risk getting in the way. You know, the 'Don't get between the Snow Queen and her target' rule," Anna said nervously.
"Wow! What did she do to him?" As upset as Kristoff was, he didn't wish what happened to Anna out on the fjord on anybody, at least not for mere words.
"Um, nothing," Anna replied evasively.
"Wait. So you're telling me that this guy was insulting you, and Elsa was standing next to him, and she didn't do anything? Not even blast him with wind?"
"Weelll, he switched pretty quickly to insulting her, and she was just kind of agreeing with him and smiling." Anna was running out of sidesteps.
"That's weird," Kristoff pronounced. "Unless he was saying the usual drunken French abuse, like 'Your mother was a hamster!' and 'Your father smelt of elderberries!' Then it's pretty funny to egg them on."
Anna sighed. With so many other witnesses, Kristoff was bound to hear the whole story, making it pointless to lie to him or to try to leave the worst parts out. "Oh, he just said she always acts so superior and controlled, and is a freak who would melt if she ever felt love," she said as airily as she could. "And that no one comes to court her because she would freeze off some part of their anatomy. He didn't get to finish that sentence, and I don't want to put words in his mouth."
Kristoff looked stunned. "International relations," he said caustically. "And he said you were crude and stupid? What is it with these people?"
"I think he was on a mission to try get my, you know, interest," Anna said somberly. "It's like him all over again."
Kristoff did not need her to be more specific and pulled her into a hug. If Anna wasn't in need of comfort right now, he would be marching off to the French embassy to do something rash. He hoped that Elsa would attend to d'Ambly's immediate departure from Arendelle. "I'm so sorry. I should have been there," he murmured.
"Really, Kristoff, where were you?" Anna asked, partially vexed. "I got so worried when he ... when he pointed out that you were gone."
Kristoff sighed. "I needed to take a break. It was too stuffy in there."
"Uh huh," Anna said suspiciously. "You were there when I played for Mrs. Mandelbaum, but then I lost track of you after I made a fool of myself. Again."
"Okay, I wanted to punch some of the ambassadors," he fumed. "They said rude things while you were making a fool of yourself. Again."
"Kristoff-" Anna began.
"Listen, Feisty Pants, you're the one who told me that the really snobby ones would be at dinner, but then you turn around and give them opportunities to rip you!" Kristoff accused.
"Look, a few things didn't go the way I thought they would," Anna said defensively.
"Uh huh," Kristoff retaliated. "You really thought Elsa wasn't going to say anything to the maid at dinner? You didn't get the hint when Elsa said she didn't have the time or the inclination to take piano lessons? You don't remember Grand Pabbie telling you not to push her?"
"Sometimes she needs to be pushed," Anna claimed.
"At a formal occasion with a whole bunch of people watching?" Kristoff prodded.
"I said a few things didn't go the way I thought they would," Anna said weakly. "Sheesh, I didn't come in here to get yelled at. I already feel bad enough about everything tonight."
"I'm not yelling at you. I'm trying to help you remember how to think things through," he clarified, seeing that she was in a state somewhere between dejection and humiliation.
"I don't want to think about what I did wrong right now. I don't want to think about how I've always been kind of an un-princess," Anna said dolefully and stared at the ground. Being called an "imitation of a princess" had been a direct blow to her self-esteem. She had sometimes felt exactly like that during the period when the gates were shut.
"Hey, it's a good thing you're kind of an un-princess. Because I don't think I could have fallen for a proper princess," he said soothingly and tilted her chin up so that he could look her in the face. "And a proper princess wouldn't have fallen for a commoner like me."
"You're an un-commoner," Anna told him, some of her sparkle returning.
"That's not a word," he teased.
"Neither is 'un-princess,' but you didn't say anything about that," Anna bantered back.
"That's because it sounds so much more endearing than 'royal pain,' " Kristoff joked.
She shot him a faux angry look, and put her feelings into a song:
ANNA:
I know I'm a pest, wasn't born to be a queen.
I try so hard to behave, but I always make a scene.
They taught me manners, so I shouldn't complain.
Still, all these rules are such a royal pain.
But you look past my flaws and see my heart is good;
You're the first who ever really understood.
Because you love me for me.
With you, I don't have to pretend.
I can trust you with my heart.
Our characters just blend.
Because you love me for me.
Some may say it's strange.
But there's not one thing
About you I would change.
Kristoff sang in reply, relieved that she seemed to have bounced back. He took her hands in his and pulled her close, and they danced in a slow, circular, informal shuffle.
KRISTOFF:
I've had doubts whether I was good enough for you.
But I can't give up after all we've been through.
You don't judge me, and you overlook my quirks.
It feels so good to be in a relationship that works.
I've felt the royal pain of already losing you twice.
Whatever it takes to keep you safe, I'll make the sacrifice.
Because you love me for me.
I don't have to be a prince.
KRISTOFF-AS-SVEN:
When I do my Sven-voice
You never ever wince.
KRISTOFF:
Because you love me for me,
And forgive me when I'm gruff.
You know that deep down
It's really just a bluff.
ANNA and KRISTOFF:
Because you love me for me.
It's like a fairy tale come true.
I can't imagine how my life
Would be if I hadn't met you.
Because you love me for me.
Some may say it's strange.
But there's not one thing
About you I would change.
"Feeling better, Sunflower Princess?" Kristoff asked with a shy smile.
"Yeah," Anna sighed contentedly, snuggling into his shoulder, "but I'm not going back to the reception, even if it's not over."
"I think I'm calling it a night, too. I'll go sing Sven his lullaby, and turn in." Kristoff fully intended to spend the night in Sven's stall, which had been furnished with a comfortable cot for him to use when he so desired. Right now the simplicity and solitude of the stables was attractive.
"You spoil that reindeer," Anna ribbed.
"Hey, we grew up together. He's my alter ego," Kristoff rejoined, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
They walked to the salon's door, and he opened it slowly. They both peeked out, checking to see if anyone was in the hall. Neither one of them wanted to meet any exiting guests. The corridor was empty, and so they made a break for it.
Kristoff hastened to the castle's entrance. Anna headed towards the stairs to her bedroom, but hesitated by the ball room doors. She felt awful about leaving Elsa by herself to do damage control. However, she didn't believe there was any way she could help her sister at the moment; in fact, she strongly suspected that she would only set off another social disaster somehow if she walked through those doors again tonight. So she beat a retreat to the royal residence level before the guests began to flow out.
It was well that she did, because Elsa had wrapped up her apology for all of the tumult and her assurance that Princess Anna was all right and merely needed a little peace and quiet to compose herself, and was now bidding everyone a good evening. The remaining guests, for their part, at least acted polite and gracious, although Elsa knew the gossiping would begin as soon as they left her presence, and that it wouldn't be long before reports, some much more fanciful and inaccurate than others, were propagating throughout town and beyond.
"I would like to remind the Daloan and Khentiian delegations that breakfast will be served in the main dining hall from seven o'clock until half past nine. Please speak with Master Kai if you have any questions or problems," Elsa said.
She turned to the floating banners of ice fabric and was about to wave them out of existence when Father Papadopoulos timidly cleared his throat. "Your Majesty, if you don't mind, may I keep one as a souvenir?" he asked.
"Certainly, Father," Elsa said with a sincere smile, and the wave of her hand merely rolled the squares of cloth up. The priest tucked one under his arm. Nasu and Jamang claimed two more, and Debora collected the last one.
The people who had checked their gifts from dinner at the ball room door stopped to retrieve them. "Oh, I almost forgot the tripods that go with the telescopes," Elsa said to them, and with an up-swinging motion of her hand, eight tall folding tripods leaned against the wall, and eight boxes made of ice to facilitate carrying the microscopes and telescopes appeared on the table. Newark and Homberg bowed.
"Many thanks again, Your Majesty. I shall put this to use tonight," Homberg said excitedly.
"I'm glad to hear that, Mr. Homberg. I look forward to your equipment review and your assessment of our observatory," Elsa said, pleased that somebody was having a good evening.
The guests began to file out the door, bowing or curtsying as they left. Elsa smiled and made eye contact with each one of them, while willing her magic to be patient for just a few more minutes.
Oddvar Rogalund instinctively knew to be the last one to go. He looked at the Queen inquiringly.
"Minister Rogalund, at your earliest convenience tomorrow please inform Ambassador de Flahaut de La Billarderie that Monsieur d'Ambly can either set forth without delay from Arendelle of his own accord, or he can be declared a persona non grata and be expelled," Elsa said calmly. "As luck would have it, there should be one or two ships that are sailing out in the general direction of France tomorrow afternoon. Also, I wish to talk, preferably in a neutral location with many diplomatic witnesses, about this incident with the Ambassador."
"Yes, Your Majesty," Rogalund said with a dutiful bow before warily adding: "But please consider all the consequences before speaking with the Ambassador."
"I already have, Minister. Fortunately, this is will be one convershation besht held ash the Queen and not ash a human bean," Elsa mocked the young Frenchmen's slurred diction, "so I will be in my element."
Rogalund felt decidedly uneasy, especially about the "be in my element" portion and the way she said it, but he nevertheless nodded and went through the ball room doors.
"Yuhnf!" Elsa grunted and exhaled noisily once she was alone at last. Typically, this would be the time when she could finally relax, but there was still the small matter of finding out what was bothering Anna and figuring out what to do about it.
She left the ball room and advanced to the stairs that lead to the family's private living area. She stopped at the foyer at the base of the steps; this space was usually where she created her ice sculptures for the day. She definitely needed to discharge some magic before tending to her sister, since she had been keeping such a tight rein on it. Rather than focusing on the subject matter tonight, she merely guided her magic to generate ice shapes and otherwise let her emotions and powers merge to do the rest.
The results were a lot of sculptures of the North Mountain, both with and without her Ice Palace. One of them was so large that its weight fractured the legs of the side table that was supposed to support it, and it crashed to the floor with a thunderous thud.
"Oh, no. Not again!" Elsa chided herself.
She could hear fast footsteps approaching. "Who goes there? Your Majesty, are you there?" shouted a guard.
"I'm fine! That was me. Just a little dimensional error," she said, trying to be casual about it. She could hear many more footsteps approaching. The chief of the second shift guards cautiously poked his head around a corner. "It's all right! Stand down! Well done!"
Kai arrived on the scene, and he and the shift chief stared wide-eyed at the crushed table and the size of the sculpture that caused it. "Sometimes I forget how heavy these things are," Elsa fibbed and reduced the scale of mountain's likeness. "Well done. Nothing to see here. You may go."
The guards turned to go back to their posts, but stopped and looked up when the Princess' voice sounded from the top of the stairs. "Elsa? Was that you?"
"Yes. Don't worry about it. I'll be there in a minute," Elsa said loudly. The guards resumed walking back to their stations. "Master Kai, we need to talk about the kitchen and serving staff tomorrow."
"Understood, Your Majesty," the portly overseer said deferentially.
"Good night, Kai," Elsa said softly.
"Good night, Queen Elsa," Kai said warmly and left.
Elsa looked sheepishly at the remains of the hapless side table, and picked up the re-sized sculpture and placed it by some others. She climbed the stairs, hoping that the mishaps were done for the evening, because it was time for a chat with her little sister.
Author's Notes - The obligatory sappy love duet is in the style of "You Love Who You Love" from Bonnie & Clyde (music by Frank Wildhorn, lyrics by Don Black, book by Ivan Menchell), an example was uploaded to Youtube by americangal5. Of course, you have to imagine this one as a duet between a soprano and a tenor, not a soprano and an alto, and remove the country-and-western twang in their voices, and switch out the regular fiddle for a Hardanger fiddle. Also, imagine Anna and Kristoff slow dancing just like a couple of mismatched teenagers (linebacker guy and petite Key Club girl) at a high school prom. I admit I am not too good at obligatory sappy love duets, but doing something more sarcastic or playful would be out of place in this context, and I wanted to get it out of the way because it motivates/explains the relationship between Anna and Kristoff and is, unfortunately, obligatory.
This chapter condenses and/or inverts many components of Hans' part of the plot from the movie. Pushing Anna's and Kristoff's buttons is so easy! More about their characters and relationship will be explored. E.g., just how much of Anna's bad judgment is "natural" and how much of it is due to caretakers keeping her in the dark and maybe subtly discouraging too much analytical thought - or perhaps giving in to her because many times it's easier to do that than to properly discipline and teach an energetic and highly emotional child?
"Hey, mister, she's my sister!" is a shout-out to Rent and one my earliest "set pieces." If Disney could work that line into the sequel and let Idina Menzel use just a slight Noo Yawk accent, I would buy five more tickets, even if the rest of the movie is junk. "Your mother was a hamster!" and "Your father smelt of elderberries!" is, of course, a shout-out to Monty Python and the Holy Grail/Spamalot. The Snegurochka story (Snow Maiden feels love, immediately melts) seemingly did not exist yet, but it certainly sounds like something that would exist in old folklore.
Elsa's expanding ice cape should remind you of the old toilet paper unrolling gag. When the story finally reaches Tuesday, Elsa will have serious words with Kai; when we get to Wednesday, Gerda takes her turn. Too many fanfics let them off the hook, and while they were just employees and the circumstances in Arendelle's castle were very peculiar, most real-life employees would be summarily fired for the level of incompetence and rudeness they displayed in the movie. I mean, there's soup and hot glögg in the hall, but they just shut the gates in the face of the guy who brings Princess Anna in from the frozen wilderness? Not even a "Want to warm up by a fire for a while, sir?" This is why I have chosen to work in the real-life discrimination against the Sami; it's the perfect explanation for why they shut Kristoff out.
I kinda apologize for all the original characters, but they will serve some purpose. Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff need to interact with other people. That's how we get insight into their personalities and advance the plot. Homberg (fellow nature lover) and Papadopoulos (generally non-judgmental good guy) will be Kristoff's confidants. Debora and Irene (mother figures) will be Anna's confidants. John (therapist) and Duffin (surrogate big sister figure and quasi fan-girl) will be Elsa's confidants to a lesser extent, because Elsa still internalizes a lot of things. And I need some traitors and schemers and good-hearted but gullible people to thicken the plot and provide appropriate misdirection for my sleight of hand. Plus, when Arendelle is in dire straights, you need to care about more than just three characters. Heh heh. There is a method to my madness. I'm not making this up as I go along, everything has been mapped out. It's just a matter of typing the bleeping thing.
I also kinda apologize about the length. The first week of the story will be extremely dense in order to set up the framework for the rest. I read someplace that when they added up everybody's contributions, "Frozen" took something like 3,000,000 hours to make. Just for the production of the actual movie that made it to theaters, and not counting all the false starts over the decades. The "Let It Go" sequence alone was something like 4000 computers rendering frames non-stop for several months. There were frames that took 132 hours to render! Five and a half days for ONE FRAME! And they weren't using Chromebooks, you know. So, yes, detail takes time, but I think it's worth it in the long run. I'm fine with this being shared beyond so long as nobody is profiting - unless you're a Disney exec and you want to buy some of my ideas; then you can profit all you want. :-P
My attempts at drawing are sketchy at best. Rolls eyes. If anyone knows an artist who wants to tackle Elsa riding Sleipnir over the mountains (or any other scene), they can have at it. My vision can be summarized: Picture the mountains at the 6:07 mark in the movie with some kind of ice bridge connecting two peaks; picture the statue of Secretariat that's at Belmont Park (there's an example of it in Secretariat's entry at Britannica dot com); and then picture Elsa tucked up like a jockey but with her ice cape and snow streaming behind. But if somebody else has a better concept, go for it. So long as Sleipnir looks like a Thoroughbred and not like a Fjord horse. Because Fjord horses just look too plump and sweet-natured, even in real life.
Next chapter is "Sisterly Fluff," I promise.
