TITLE: Criminal Minds – "Darkest Days" (A sequel to Behind the Mask)
AUTHOR: D M Harper
SUMMARY: Agent Prentiss is forced to face her secretive past when it threatens the safety of her BAU colleagues and her beloved family.
RATING: For Mature Readers.
DISCLAIMER: This story was conjured up for reading entertainment only. No money has exchanged hands or bank accounts. There is no profit gained, just fancy flights of imagination. There is no intention to infringe on the copyright of CBS Television Studios or creator Jeff Davis. This writing does feature consensual sexual interaction between two females, so if you are underage or unable to view due to restrictions in your part of the world, be gone and take my sympathy with you. If you find such material offensive, too bad, so sad, you chose to enter this web site of your own free will; hence you have no one to whine to except yourself or a parent if you are caught, so bugger off!
A/N: Please find them time to review and feed the Muse. Thank you to those who have commented, favoured or are following this tale.
Chapter 15
Sunday 20th March, 2011.
American abolitionist and author Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote: "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."
The instant Jennifer Jareau walked into Faulkner Hospital's surgical waiting area, Jillian stood on unstable legs and the world as she knew it, fell apart. The tears in the other woman's eyes spoke volumes and the older Agent collapsed back onto the chair. Too distraught to cry, she hung her head and closed her eyes to the agonising truth.
Her body started to tremble as she listened to Garcia whisper over and over, "No, no."
Jennifer's voice broke as she spoke, "She never made it off the table."
Speechless, Spencer got to his feet and headed for the door.
"Spence," implored Jennifer as he drew level with her.
Agony was etched on his weary face, "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye."
Jennifer enveloped him in her arms and the young man broke down while the others in the room looked on in disbelief and shock and openly wept.
Moment's ticked by before Jillian looked up as Hotch went out the side door and stood in the hallway. She watched as he collected himself and Jennifer joined him. She turned away and fell off the seat when she lost all sensation in her limbs. The tears flowed and she screamed out a single gut churning word, "NO!"
Garcia raced to her and collapsed onto the floor beside the grieving woman. She embraced her friend tightly and bawled right along with her. A tearful Ashley joined her colleagues and within seconds, Dave merged with them and helped Jillian to her feet, "I'm so sorry Jill."
Derek slowly moved in and consoled Garcia, Ashley and Jillian for several minutes until Hotch returned without Jennifer. He approached Jillian and wrapped his arms around her.
Through heart wrenching sobs, Jillian whispered, "I can't do this. I have to get out of here. Oh dear god Aaron, my wife is dead and I never knew her at all." Grappling her way out of his arms, she ran from the room then out of the hospital. She jogged for miles until she could run no further. The burning discomfort in her lungs didn't compare to the searing ache shredding her heart into a million pieces, but it did manage to halt her progress.
Taking a seat on a nearby bus stop bench, Jillian inhaled deeply through her nose and allowed her screaming lungs to fill with oxygen. The hurt momentarily took over from the agony of losing Emily to the crazed and murderous Doyle. As tears continued to cascade down her face, she withdrew her phone from the front pocket of her bulletproof vest and with shaking extremities; she searched for her parent's house number then pressed the call icon.
After four ring tones, Malcolm answered, "Hey Jill."
"Dad," moaned Jillian in a soft voice.
"What's wrong honey?"
"Emily's been ... oh god ... she's been killed."
There was an audible gasp on the other end, followed by a tearful question, "Where are you?"
"Boston, but I'm going home to the babies."
"Your mother and I will meet you there as soon as we can get a flight out. I'm so sorry honey."
"It hurts so bad daddy."
"I know honey, just hold on."
Ending the call, Jillian stood on wobbly legs and waved down an approaching taxi.
"Where to ma'am?" asked the driver once Jillian climbed onto the back seat.
"Logan Airport, domestic terminal thanks."
"You got it." Peering into the rear view mirror, he inquired, "Did your car breakdown?"
"No, I've come from Faulkner Hospital."
"Are you working a case? I can't help but notice your vest."
"Yes."
"I used to be with Boston PD for thirty years before I retired and bought this cab company."
Wanting to keep her mind from delving into the reality of what had just occurred; Jillian continued to make small talk with the affable driver until they reached the airport fifteen minutes later.
"Good luck finding your perp," he said when Jillian passed him a fifty dollar bill.
"Thanks, keep the change." Alighting from the Ford sedan, Jillian made her way to the Delta Airlines counter and organised a seat on the next available flight to Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport.
With an hour to spare before the forty seven minute flight was due to board, Jillian registered her weapon then went to a nearby luggage store and purchased a small carryon bag.
Going into the restroom, she removed her vest and placed it into the bag. After using the toilet, Jillian washed her hands and face before walking outside to the waiting lounge. Reaching for her phone, she called Dave.
"Where are you?" he inquired through tears.
"The airport, tell Hotch I'm taking a few days of personal time before returning to work."
"I'm sure that won't be a problem Jill and you have my deepest sympathies."
Remaining strong against the overbearing pain, Jillian replied, "I appreciate your words."
"If you need anything call me Kiddo."
"I will, but I'm pretty numb right now and just want to see my children."
"That's understandable."
"Oh shit, I'll have to make arrangements for her ..."
"Hotch and J.J. have already taken care of that side of things, so don't worry."
Falling apart, Jillian wept, "Dave, I couldn't go see her and say goodbye."
"I know honey. Do you want me to come pick you up?"
"No, I'm already booked on a flight and need to be alone to sort through all the shit in my head."
"Okay and I'll call you in a couple of days."
Jillian pocketed the phone and it rang seconds later with Jennifer's number.
"Hello."
"Jill, I'm so sorry."
"I know."
"Dave said you are taking a couple of days off."
"Yes."
"Hotch and I have made the necessary arrangements."
"Yeah Dave told me and thanks for that. I don't think I'd have been too much help in that department right now."
"The Agency will handle everything Jill."
"Oh crap, I have to notify Elizabeth."
"Hotch took care of the notification and she is on her way home."
"Jesus, I don't know how to feel."
"Jill, Emily loved you with all her heart and her actions were to protect her family and friends."
"Jennifer, she lied to me about her past." Heavy sobs tore through Jillian and she added, "I guess all that doesn't matter now that she's gone."
"Oh sweetie."
"I have to go, thanks for everything Jennifer."
"We'll talk soon."
Unable to form any further coherent words, Jillian turned off her phone and shoved it into her bag. Lowering her head, she cried quietly until she boarded the plane.
-o-
When Maureen and Malcolm arrived at the house, Jillian collapsed into their embrace and told them the truth behind Emily's disappearance and subsequent unselfish deeds in keeping her team and family safe.
Forgoing sleep, she slipped into a deep depression and retreated with the twins. Her parents keep an eye on her from a distance and when Elizabeth, Adrian and Josie flew in; Jillian withdrew further.
On the day of the funeral, Jillian went through the process in a daze and refused to attend the wake. Instead, she took the children home along with Grace and once they went to sleep; she called a cab and went to a bar to drown her sorrow in private.
By seven o'clock Jillian was well and truly intoxicated as she climbed into a taxi. Giving the driver an address in Montclair, she closed her eyes and waited for the trip to end.
-o-
Paying the fare, Jillian staggered up the front path of the Federation styled house and knocked on the entrance. Within seconds, a light came on and the door opened.
"Oh goodness sakes Jill, you're a mess."
"That's because I am," Jillian retorted with a snigger.
"Come in and I'll make you some tea."
Stepping into the entry hall, Jillian closed the door and firmly embraced Erin. In a tone filled with deep mourning, she whispered, "I'm broken."
"Shush Jill, you need to sleep."
"No, I need to forget and stop thinking about how my wife betrayed me," snapped Jillian before pushing the older blonde up against the wall and seizing her lips in a fiery kiss.
A stunned Erin placed her hands on her would be seducer's shoulders and pushed her backwards, "I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but this is not the answer."
With tears streaming down her face, Jillian pitifully pleaded, "I want the agony to stop Erin. I need to get her out of my head, please help me."
"I understand sweetie, but I assure you, I'm not the solution."
With a tortured wail, Jillian apologised, "Oh god, I'm so sorry for fucking up."
Hugging her friend, Erin started to cry, "I know this is difficult, but you need to pull yourself together for the sake of your children."
A mournful howl emitted from Jillian as she collapsed onto the floor, "Emily was everything to me."
Placing her hands under Jillian's armpits, Erin pulled her to her feet, "I know sweetie and I'm right here for you."
Attempting to gain some semblance of self-control, Jillian confessed, "I'm so tired, can I stay the night?"
"Of course you can. The guestroom is all set up."
"I am so sorry for turning up like this."
"Don't worry and Steve is away visiting the kids at Yale, so you can stay as long as you need."
Jillian focused on blue eyes and tried to stem the flow of tears, "Thank you for being a good friend."
"I seem to recall you being there for me when I was at my lowest, so I owe you one."
"Will you tell me something?"
"Yes Jill."
"Did you know about Emily's history with the CIA and Interpol?"
"I was fully aware of her time as a CIA Operative, but not about the existence of the JTF-12 team. I was as surprised as you to learn about her time as Lauren Reynolds."
"I'd like to talk more, but I desperately need a shower." Getting to her feet, Jillian wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I'll grab you a towel and some sleepwear."
"Thank you Erin," countered Jillian as she drew her friend in for another lingering hug.
-o-
Jillian was propped up against the pillows of the double bed when Erin entered the room carrying two bottles of water some twenty minutes later. "How do you feel?" she asked while placing one drink on the bedside table and passing over the other.
"Pretty damn foolish and drunk to boot."
Sitting on the side of the mattress, Erin remained silent while Jillian sipped from the plastic container.
"I want to find Doyle and make him pay," whispered Jillian.
"That's not a good idea. You need to grieve and look after Jarrod and Samantha."
"How do I let go of the woman I love when I am so angry at her?"
"I don't have the answer, but I am here for when you need to talk. In the meantime, I'll authorise as much leave as you require."
"I only need four days. Mom and dad are going home Friday and I'd like to spend some time with them before I return to work. I need to be active and find Doyle."
"All right, but I want you to take a back seat during the investigation and let the rest of the team handle things."
"So you are going to bench me and make me sit behind my desk?"
"No, I'm going to insist you don't go running off with your gun blazing. You're traumatised and suffering and it's understandable that you want revenge, but that means your judgement is impaired right now."
"I'm not the only one seeking redemption."
"I'm well aware of that Jill and I'll have my hands full in keeping a lid on everyone's emotions. I'm worried enough about the team as it is and don't want people losing sight of their responsibilities to duty."
"I'm too exhausted to fight you on this Erin."
Smiling slightly, the older blonde took the empty bottle from Jillian and suggested, "Go to sleep and we'll chat later."
Fresh tears flowed from half lidded eyes, "I miss her and don't want to be alone."
Wordlessly, Erin stood and walked over to the light switch by the door. Returning to the bed, she lifted the covers and eased onto the mattress.
Jillian inched down the bed and settled into the warmth of her friend's embrace. Both women cried for some time before sleep finally caught up to them.
-o-
Listlessly, Jillian opened her eyes and glanced at her wristwatch. It was ten past nine in the morning and her head ached. Making her way into the kitchen, she found a note on the counter along with a bottle of aspirin. Going to the refrigerator, she collected two tablets and washed them down with half a bottle of water. Focusing on the memo pad, she read:
Jill,
Call me when you arrive home or feel
free to stay as long as you want. There
is plenty of food, but stay away from
the liquor cabinet.
Love,
Erin
With glistening eyes, Jillian finished off the drink then went to the bathroom to change into her clothes. After phoning for a taxi, she made the guest bed then waited outside for her lift to show.
-o-
Jillian was greeted at the door by her mother and punctually fell to pieces again. For the following four days Jillian struggled to gain control over her heartbreak and constantly wept. Her children sensed something was wrong and they stuck close to her. Their presence offered Jillian great comfort, but as she lay in bed Sunday night, the overpowering anger of betrayal engulfed her once more and she silently promised to hold it together and stop frightening the twins. But out of their sight, it was going to be a completely different matter. Tears streamed freely until exhaustion won out and she drifted into a restless slumber.
-o-
