I jog down the stairs to make my way to the kitchen and make Ciara the pancakes that she wants. I decide to make a fresh batch; the mother of my child deserves the best and that means a fresh batch of pancakes. I can't help but puff my chest out; she loves my cooking, but her favorite is my pancakes. I wonder if it's because they are the first food that I ever made for her. I take pride in my ability to cook for her. I again make up plates for both of us and put butter and syrup on the tray along with some juice, and place another rose on the tray.
I make my way back up the stairs and then walk to the room we are sharing, "Breakfast is served, babe."
I walk the tray over to the side of the bed she is occupying and where she is looking at her phone. She looks up at me and smiles widely after she places her phone on the nightstand.
I place the tray of food on her lap and then lift the cover off of her pancakes. The smile she has on her face quickly disappears and her face turns to unpleasant shades of gray and green. She hastily shoves the tray off of her lap, spilling the juice and syrup all over the bed, and makes a beeline for the bathroom. "Crap," I say to the empty room. I follow her into the bathroom and squat down beside her to hold her hair back and rub her back in the hopes of making this pass sooner. She's dry heaving into the toilet because she has nothing to get rid of, and I feel horrible that there is nothing I can do to make her feel better. She sits up straighter after several minutes and then leans back into me.
"Thank you."
"For what Ciara? I didn't really do anything."
"You were here for me. That's enough."
I kiss her forehead. She looks so miserable right now. "What do you want me to do? What do you need me to do?"
"I don't know. I'm so hungry and I'm so sorry but I can't eat those pancakes. I got one whiff of them and it sent me running in here."
"Maybe I should have brought you the chicken broth too like I did last night."
She weakly wraps her arms around me and smiles up at me, "You brought me chicken broth too last night?" Even at half strength, her smile is dazzling.
"Yeah, I wanted to make sure you had the option in case you changed your mind."
Ciara chuckles softly, "If I'm honest, as much as I love your pancakes, a minute after you left I kind of regretted them and wanted the broth."
A half grin slides onto my face. I feel a bit better knowing that I was right that she would change her mind about what she wanted to eat. "Well let me get you some broth and saltines. We have to get something in you so you can keep up your strength. It's not good for you or the baby if you aren't getting anything to eat." I scoop her up into my arms and carry her back to bed. I grab a couple of pillows and prop them up behind her. "Comfortable?"
"Yes, you never fail to make me feel better."
"Good I always want it to be that way. I always want to be able to make you feel better."
I busy myself with moving the food tray over to the desk, and then remove the blankets from the bed that are soaked in juice and syrup. Thankfully just the comforter was spilled on. I walk over to the closet and pull out one of the extra blankets that are waiting in there and cover her with that. I kiss her forehead, take the tray of food and head back down to the kitchen to get her something new to eat. Along the way, I pray that she is able to keep this batch of breakfast down. I'm worried that she is having such a difficult time keeping any food down. I'm starving myself at this point, and wolf down a couple of pancakes while I heat up some broth. Once it's warm I pour it into a mug and gather some saltines for her as well.
I bound up the stairs one more time and take Ciara her food. I hesitantly place the tray back in front of her. I step back holding my steepled hands in front of my mouth and watch as she picks up the mug of broth and brings it to her lips. She takes a sip and then another with no ill reaction. She sets down the mug and then grabs a couple of saltines to start munching on. "I think this is going to work," she says around the bites of her cracker.
I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and pull over the desk chair to sit by her side, "I hope so, you really have me worried."
"Well hopefully, this will be a turnaround. I now have two things that the little one is willing to let me eat," she says and moves her hand to rest on her abdomen.
I take her hand and kiss the back of it and the knuckles. She's breathtaking, even when she is not feeling well, and again I am mentally thanking God for putting her in my life and asking him to please ease the struggles she is having right now. "You're breathtaking you know that."
"No, I'm not. I look like a train wreck."
"I told you once before that you look beautiful first thing in the morning and that you don't need anything to do it. I meant it. I wouldn't lie to you. You are beautiful and you take my breath away. You are my life, Ciara. You and this baby, never doubt that for a minute, not even a second."
"And you and the baby are mine. I love you, Ben, with all of my heart, never ever forget that."
Ciara finishes the last of her saltines and washes it down with the remaining broth. I take the tray, ready to take it back down to the kitchen, when Ciara pats the bed beside her, "Hold me, please."
I take the tray over to the desk and then lay down beside her wrapping her in my arms, "There is nowhere else I would rather be."
She falls asleep quickly leaving me to my thoughts. She really does have me worried. Yes, she ate but it wasn't anything really of substance and she fell asleep so quickly. I wonder if she needs to go see a doctor and make sure everything is okay. I think she should also probably tell her mom what is going on, or at the very least that she is pregnant. I can only imagine what Hope is going to think. She wasn't thrilled when Ciara and I first started sleeping together, now I've knocked up her daughter, and we aren't married. Not that Hope would want us to be anyway. I think if Hope had things her way, I would never be able to lay my eyes on Ciara ever again. But I think Ciara needs to tell her mom that she's pregnant. She needs someone to look after her when I can't since we can't be seen together. Hope will not be happy about this new development I'm sure, but she loves Ciara and will support her. The more I think about it if Ciara tells Hope that Claire was guilty of all of these fires, she would think that Ciara was going nuts and was the one that needed a trip to Bayview when Claire is the one who truly needs the help. It's probably best if Ciara only tells her about the baby for right now.
I firmly make my decision, when Ciara wakes, I'm going to ask her to go see a doctor and to talk to her mother. I know I can't force her, but I think if I ask her to do it for me to put my mind at ease, she will do it. I kiss her forehead and pull her more tightly into my arms. I want to savor every moment that we get together today and tomorrow because, after this, I don't know when I will next be able to hold her in my arms again.
