TITLE: Criminal Minds – "Darkest Days" (A sequel to Behind the Mask)
AUTHOR: D M Harper
SUMMARY: Agent Prentiss is forced to face her secretive past when it threatens the safety of her BAU colleagues and her beloved family.
RATING: For Mature Readers.
DISCLAIMER: This story was conjured up for reading entertainment only. No money has exchanged hands or bank accounts. There is no profit gained, just fancy flights of imagination. There is no intention to infringe on the copyright of CBS Television Studios or creator Jeff Davis. This writing does feature consensual sexual interaction between two females, so if you are underage or unable to view due to restrictions in your part of the world, be gone and take my sympathy with you. If you find such material offensive, too bad, so sad, you chose to enter this web site of your own free will; hence you have no one to whine to except yourself or a parent if you are caught, so bugger off!
A/N: Please find a minute to review and feed the Muse. She has been a little cranky lately and needs some happy!
Chapter 21
Friday 9th September, 2011.
André Berthiaume said, "We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin."
Walking up to the front door of the restored villa, Jillian knocked twice then waited. Receiving no answer, she followed the path that led to the backyard and her heart tore into tiny fragments as she looked towards the rear view of a woman with a shoulder length, brown haired bob sitting on a bench seat watching the ocean view.
Jillian approached the garden chair uncertainly and spoke in Greek, "Καλωσόρισες θετικό."(Hello Emily)
A barely audible gasp escaped from Emily as she turned her head and faced her wife, "I … how … how did you find me?"
"That's not important right now. You've lost weight."
"I forget to eat most days and have no appetite for food." Emily stood and neared Jillian. "You've lost weight too."
"Yeah, misery has a tenancy of doing that to the body."
Reaching out, Emily began to cry and apologise, "I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. It was not my intention to deceive you."
Jillian stepped back with a flinch, "Don't touch me, you have no right."
Emily withdrew her hand and her heart smashed to smithereens, "I know I relinquished all my rights."
"Damn right you did," responded Jillian furiously.
"I never meant to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" scoffed Jillian. "You fucking shattered and broke me Emily." Tears dripped from her eyes at a steady pace and she continued her passionate onslaught, "I wanted to put my gun to my head and end the nightmare of losing you to that bastard. If it wasn't for my children, I would have done it a long time ago."
Wracked with heavy sobs, Emily closed her eyes against the horrendous pain assaulting her senses and the expression of devastation on her wife's face.
Jillian pulled out her iPhone and brought up a photo. She handed the cell to Emily, "My mother sent me that picture yesterday. The twins are growing up fast. How could you leave them behind?"
"I had no choice. Doyle would have come after me again if he thought I was alive. If I returned to you, he would have killed you and the babies. I couldn't allow that to happen."
"I know your reasons for doing that, but why not tell me? Why keep the truth from me? For all intents and purposes the fucker had no idea we were even married. You went to great lengths to ensure he remained ignorant of that fact."
Looking at the image with trembling hands, Emily wept harder, "Yes, but he would have come after the team and killed you all as well as your families. I couldn't risk that happening."
Jillian started to shake with emotion, "Oh god Emily, do you have any idea how much heartache that decision has caused?"
"Of course I do. I suffer it every day. Each morning I wake up and try to find a reason to go on. I've picked up the phone a hundred times to call you, but the threat to you and the others was too high a price to pay."
Jillian's next words were delivered devoid of sentiment, "There is no more threat; Doyle is dead."
Astonishment registered on Emily's drawn features then liberation followed, "How … when?"
"A week ago in Dublin, he was shot in the temple."
Relief washed over the brunette and she grabbed the back of the seat to steady herself, "Oh god, the children are safe now ... everyone is safe."
Jillian withdrew an A4 sized envelope from the knapsack she was carrying over her left shoulder, "Yes they are and you can return to the BAU. I have your correct passport and ID wallet with me. I also have a signed declaration from Director Fickler reinstating you to the FBI effective immediately and a plane ticket for your return trip. There will be no charges or inquiry for you to answer to. The others are still unaware of your faked death; that is being left for you to handle. You will be happy to know your former colleagues understood why you did what you did and are so proud of you for protecting them and your family."
Black brows rose, "How did all this happen?"
"I cashed in a few favours that were owed to me," explained Jillian as she passed Emily the satchel.
"Who found Doyle?"
"I did."
Emily shook her head in astonishment, "What, I don't understand?"
"I lip read a conversation between Hotch and Jennifer before she met with you in Paris to deliver your new passports and bank accounts. I learnt you were still alive and knew you weren't safe until Doyle was dealt with."
With a furrowed forehead, Emily noted, "That was back in late March."
"Yes and it took me this long to find him."
Lifting up the envelope flap, Emily asked, "You did this all on your own?"
"Not entirely. Jennifer provided a fake identity for me and I took a leave of absence from the FBI to work on behalf of the State Department. She was my handler whilst I was in the field and provided Intel."
"Were you the one who killed him?"
"Yes and I did it for you. I wanted the agony and anger to finally cease and for people to be happy again. Everyone has been fucking miserable and I needed justice for them and for all you had been put through. Besides, as you mentioned, the fucker would have organised someone to come after you if he was locked up."
"I don't know what to say. I am just so thankful to know the threat is finally over."
"I also have divorce papers for you to sign."
A fresh batch of tears greeted the statement, "What? Ahh no, that's not what I want."
"No, but it's what I need. I once said to you that if I forgave you, would you promise never to keep anything from me again. Your exact words were, "Yes darling, I promise." You kept the truth about your involvement with Interpol when you were with the CIA from me. Image how stupid I felt when Jennifer was presenting the facts in the conference room and detailing your part in the JTF-12 case. I had no fucking idea what she was talking about, but the deal sealer was discovering your affair with that despicable terrorist and crazed serial killer."
"I couldn't tell you about it, I was bound to secrecy and at the time, I was only doing my job. I had a role to play and I did it. I was posing as a Belgium arms trader and not the woman I truly was."
Hatred crawled along Jillian's spine as she clenched her fists, "Job, how the hell can you justify what you did as part of your job? You fucked a sociopath and the killer of blameless people for Christ's sake; I can't get past that."
"It was a necessary means required to capture him."
Fury now rose in Jillian, "And look how well that panned out Emily. How many people died because of him, for fuck's sake? He nearly killed you and he cold bloodily executed an innocent ten year old boy for revenge. You and your team could have put a bullet in the bastard's head during one of your arranged arms deals, but no, you fucked him and played happy homemaker instead. Your so called team leader Easter put you in harm's way when he should never have put you in that position in the first place. The whole case disgusts me and I want to throw up every time I think of that freak touching you and you responding."
Emily struggled to speak, but knew she had to explain her actions, "It was part of the operation that he remained alive for questioning, but I guess that's the end for us. I have no excuses and will never be able to gain your forgiveness. Just know that I will never stop loving you and am sincerely remorseful for all the pain I have caused you."
Hard sobs tore at Jillian as she enquired, "Did you get off while he was fucking you?"
A bottomless sorrow fell over Emily before she answered, "No Jillian, good god no, it was all pretend. I detested each touch and closed myself off emotionally. He was an abomination and when I discovered Declan was his son, I knew I had to get the boy away from him so he wouldn't grow up and follow in his father's footsteps. Doyle was grooming him for that very purpose and he wanted me to help raise the child."
"Jesus Emily, that's bullshit. Dave found the gimmel ring on the chain Doyle gave you. The prick gave you a betrothal ring and you kept it hidden in your safe. Obviously it meant something to you at the time and when I saw it; that was the final act of your betrayal. I've signed the house and all its contents over to you. Your flight from Naxos Airport is scheduled for Monday morning at nine and your connecting flight to D.C. leaves Athens at noon."
"What about the children?"
"We will share custody. Two weeks per month each and Grace is still their nanny. She will travel between the house and the apartment I plan on buying."
"It's more than I deserve," accepted Emily sadly.
"Maybe, but I have no wish to cause you any further anguish. You have had enough of that to last a lifetime Emily, just be happy. Just rejoice in the fact you have your life back."
"I won't be happy without you."
"You have been without me for nearly seven months, you'll adapt. By the way, I won't be returning to the BAU; that would just be too awkward for the both of us."
"Where will you go?"
"I haven't decided yet. I've been offered a full time position with the State Department and there is the opportunity for a transfer to another FBI field office. At this stage, I am in no rush and will be staying with my parents for a little while. They and Grace have looked after the twins while I've been travelling back and forth overseas. I will bring the babies to you in two weeks' time."
"This is not how I wanted us to be."
"What did you expect Emily?" implored a distraught Jillian.
"I was waiting for Doyle to be found then return to you."
The responding words were delivered with a large dose of sarcasm, "How very thoughtful of you. The only problem with that is I don't love you anymore. I managed to fuck the love I had for you out of my system with a bevy of nameless strangers."
Emily's eyes widened and her chest constricted, "Oh god no."
"One final thing before I go, Jennifer returned to the team as a full time profiler three months ago and Aaron and Penelope handle the Media Liaison commitments between them. Goodbye Emily."
Jillian turned and walked away. Her legs wobbled as she left her wife behind and her heart broke all over again. Her chest heaved with the pain and it worsened when she heard Emily's loud sobs in the background. Against her better judgment, she turned heel and saw the woman she had given her heart to, kneeling on the grass and wailing hysterically.
Retracing her steps, Jillian stood in front of Emily and looked down, "That second last thing I told you wasn't true. I just wanted you to know how it felt to be betrayed."
Emily looked up with dead eyes, "You succeeded."
Reaching down, Jillian took hold of Emily's shoulders and pulled her to her feet, "This hurt really does have to stop or our kids will be affected."
"It will never end. I will always bear the agony and culpability of hurting you and losing you twice."
Taking a deep breath, Jillian confessed, "I need to leave. A part of me wants to hold you, but that would just be a bad idea."
Those words gave Emily a sliver of hope, but she knew Jillian needed time to think, "Then go, are you staying overnight?"
"I'm at the Agia Anna Hotel."
"Okay and I'm glad it was you who delivered the news about Doyle."
"Yeah, me too and I really am sorry for how this all turned out."
Emily fought through her tears and agony, "You'll never understand how regrettable I am about that fact."
"Oh I do, trust me, I do. Goodbye Emily."
"Goodbye honey."
Jillian's chest constricted further, "That wasn't fair."
Emily's face contorted with anger, "What has been fair about this whole fucking mess?"
"There has been nothing Emily, absolutely nothing at all." Jillian sauntered away again and this time, kept going. The heartache was no less unbearable as she drove away with tears blurring her vision and quivering hands trying to steer the vehicle. She pulled to the side of the road and howled for a good twenty minutes before turning around and driving back to Emily.
-o-
Getting out of the car, she ran up to the door and knocked. It opened moments later and she declared, "I have so much to say to you and you need to hear it."
A taken aback Emily, stood to the side, "Come in, there is no rush."
"Have you got any alcohol?"
"I have some locally made kitron; it's citrus liquor."
"That will do."
Emily led Jillian into the living area, "Have a seat and I'll pour you a glass."
"Thank you." Jillian sat on the couch and looked around. She noted the framed photos of herself and the twins. Tears threatened to fall again, but she held them at bay. She was so tired of crying, but her resolve faded when she spotted the wedding picture above the fireplace.
Emily returned with two drinks and handed one to Jillian. She followed the blonde's eyes and explicated, "J.J. sent the photos to me. She has kept me up to date with the babies' growth with messages during our on-line games of Scrabble. By the way, how did you know where I was?"
Jillian swallowed the entire contents of the glass before answering, "Jennifer told me once I informed her Doyle was deceased. I would have tracked you down anyway; I picked up your trail when you left Paris."
"Thank you for searching for me."
"I was out of control when Jennifer told us you hadn't survived your injuries. I ended up running halfway to the airport and flying home alone on a commercial flight. I called your mother after Hotch had contacted her and she was shattered and flew back immediately. My family were so upset and Maddie and Geoffrey cried for weeks, not that I was much better. I was so angry at you for your involvement with Doyle and when Hotch took on the role of assessing our grief, I ended up on the floor of his office, too distressed to carry on. Jennifer took me home and stayed until my parents arrived."
Emily reached out and took hold of Jillian's left hand, "I am so sorry for all you've been forced to endure."
"Please don't say that again. Let's agree that it has been a completely shitty nightmare, but it's done now and we both need to move on."
"Since I learnt of Doyle's escape from prison I have suffered the darkest days of my life. When he had me on my knees and holding a gun to my head, I begged him to end it. I was just so tired of being scared. I wasn't frightened for myself; it was for you and our children, the team and our families."
"I can't even begin to comprehend what you went through in that basement, but I do know it crumbled my heart. Even while I was feeling betrayed over your failure to tell me the truth, I loved you more than I ever did. You took on an evil monster on your own to protect the people you love and I admired that about you."
"You must have been so conflicted?"
"I was and that's the reason I needed to avenge you. Doyle had managed to take everything away from you, but he also took you away from those who loved you. I told you a long time ago that I was nothing without you and that was the truth. I was aimless after your supposed death and I needed some kind of direction."
"Did you work?"
"Yes, I returned to the office the next day and keep to myself during cases. Your funeral was hellish and when I found out your tombstone wouldn't include mention of me or our children I went ballistic until Jennifer explained it was to safeguard us from Doyle just in case he continued his killing spree."
"Well, thankfully it can be taken down now. Are you hungry?"
"Yes, I haven't eaten since I left home yesterday."
"I'll make us some baked shrimp and feta. I've some tiropitakia; we can eat that while we wait for dinner to cook."
"Cheese pastries?"
"I didn't know you could speak Greek?"
"I couldn't until I read a translation book during the flight to Athens."
Always amazed by the blonde's intelligence, Emily rose to her feet and went into the small kitchen, "J.J. said Jarrod and Samantha have been sleeping through the night undisturbed for some time."
"Yeah, between nine and ten hours and both have sixteen teeth now. The top two middle ones and the bottom middle two came in at three months. I missed those milestones because I was chasing Doyle."
Emily returned carrying a small platter and placed it on the low table.
Jillian noticed she was crying and reached out to her, "I hate the fact Doyle took those moments away from you."
"He took them from you too Jillian."
"Yes, but not anymore. You missed them starting to walk too."
"I know, J.J. told me."
Jillian let go of Emily's arm and stood up, "I'll give you a hand."
Emily burst into tears and Jillian wrapped her arms around her shoulders, "Let it out."
"Oh god honey, I love you so much and I can't believe you are here."
"I know Em, I tried to let you go, but can't."
"I want you with me. I want our life together back."
"I can't, not yet. I have to forget your past before you and I can have a future."
"Will you please go back home with me and return to the team?"
"Let me think about that for a while."
"Okay and thank you for not walking away permanently."
"Come on, let's make some dinner before I eat all the pasties."
"Well, you could do with some fattening up."
"So can you and for shit's sake get rid of that hair colour and style. You look like your fucking mother."
For the first time in seven months, Emily laughed.
Jillian removed her arms and smiled, "I'm serious … that style is bloody awful."
"You'll have to wait until tomorrow when I can get to the hairdresser."
"Okay, but can you wear a hat in the meantime?"
Emily giggled again then swatted Jillian on the arm, "Ahh, come on, it's not that bad."
"No, but I prefer your old style."
"I know and I'll grow it back just for you."
"What about your fingernails?"
Looking down, Emily confessed, "Oh they were the first causality."
"I can see that."
Emily tilted her head to the side, "Jillian."
"Yes?"
"It's so good to hear your laugh again."
"It's just great to see you." Jillian grimaced when she stepped off her left leg and followed Emily into the kitchen.
"What's wrong with your leg?"
"War wound."
"Doyle?"
"Yes, he stabbed me with a knife and the stitches are still in."
"Shit."
"I'll tell you all about it one day."
Emily and Jillian ate dinner thirty minutes later and discussed the children before Jillian left a little after ten with the promise to return the following day to talk.
-o-
Jillian arrived at Emily's carrying a basket of cheeses, wine, fruit and crackers, "I thought we could have a picnic lunch and enjoy the ocean panorama."
"That sounds like a great idea, I'll go grab us a blanket."
"How did you sleep?"
"For the first time since all this madness began, I slept through the night and you?
"The same, I think it was because I knew you were finally safe."
"I was more at ease too."
Emily disappeared down the hall and returned seconds later carrying a rug, "Come on, I'll grab two glasses."
-o-
Once the blanket was spread out on the lawn, Jillian sat down and poured two wines. She handed one to Emily and made a toast, "Here's to the end of dark days."
"Cheers and here's to better times."
Both women sipped their drinks and Jillian tittered, "I see you've gone back to your natural colour of black and ditched the bob. You look very beautiful Emily."
"Thank you. J.J. phoned this morning and asked if you were here. She passed on a message for you to call Erin."
"Okay, I'll contact her later. She probably wants an update. I haven't spoken to her for three days." Jillian reached into the front pocket of her jeans and withdrew a small leather pouch, "I thought you might want these."
She passed it over and watched as the brunette opened the satchel and retrieved her engagement and wedding rings, "Oh Jill, thank you."
"You're welcome and you may have noticed I still wear my band."
"I did and it gave me hope." Placing the rings on her finger, Emily locked eyes with Jillian and smiled, "They're a little loose."
"Maybe you should eat more cheese too."
Laughing at the suggestion, Emily picked up another piece of Brie and placed it on a cracker, "This is really nice, a piece of normalcy."
"It reminds me of our first date in my hotel room. That was an enjoyable time."
"It was and led to our first kiss."
"I thought about what you said yesterday and I've decided to return with you. I booked a seat next to you this morning."
Emily's face beamed, "That's wonderful news."
"When I phone Erin I'll inform her that the both of us will return to work in two weeks time. I think you need some time to reacquaint yourself with your children first."
"I think that's a wonderful idea."
"If I am rushing you into anything, please let me know."
"I will and you've been more than accommodating."
"I'm trying to get us back on track Emily. I stayed awake for a few hours last night just remembering our time together. What we had was everything to me and I want to work at finding it again."
"Oh Jill, that's what I want more than anything and I swear, there are no more secrets."
Jillian smiled crookedly, "I know."
"This is a pleasant way to start."
"Yes it is and I'd like to take you out to dinner tonight."
"I'd like that."
"You're the local, so you can choose the restaurant."
"I know just the place and they have delicious wine."
The wine proved to be more than delectable and Jillian indulged in several carafes. Emily drove home after Jillian asked to stay the night. She slept on the couch and returned to the hotel to collect her belongings when she woke at six o'clock the following morning.
-o-
Returning to the villa, Jillian quietly entered the bathroom and showered. She had breakfast ready when Emily emerged from her room thirty minutes later dressed in white linen pants and a black tank top.
Averting her eyes, Jillian greeted her, "Good morning Em, did you sleep well?"
"Yes and something smells good."
"I made pancakes and there is fresh fruit."
Emily moved closer to the cook and pecked her on the cheek, "Thank you."
Dismissing the intimate gesture, Jillian asked, "Do you think you can be packed by two o'clock?"
"Yes, why is that?"
"I managed to get an earlier flight back home. I called Grace before and she is on her way back to the house now."
Emily reached out and took hold of Jillian's face, "Thank you for everything you've done."
Without making eye contact, Jillian remarked, "I'm anxious to see the twins before they forget me."
"So am I."
The pair sat at the counter and started to eat.
"Uhm, how did you go with lactating?" enquired Jillian.
"I dried up two weeks before the insanity began."
"Oh, was that while I was at mom and dad's recuperating with the children?"
"Yes."
"Did you stop visiting on the weekends because of the threat from Doyle?"
"Yes. Sean McAllister made physical contact with me on the fourteenth of February and from that moment on, every decision I made was to protect our family and the team. Of course that's the reason why I moved back into my old apartment."
"If you had told me what was going on, I would have helped you."
"I know, but Doyle had men everywhere. I had planned on taking him out when we met face to face, but the bastard had men watching me. I couldn't afford to take even the slightest of risks where everyone was concerned."
"Well, the devious prick is history."
Emily finished her juice and Jillian refilled her glass.
"Tell me, is Seaver fitting in with the team?"
"Before I left, she was doing really well. She had a good supervisor in you when she first started and graduated the day after your service."
"Thank you for the compliment."
"It was Ashley who led us to finding out about Declan. She looked at your disappearance with fresh eyes and Dave prodded her to question the reasons for your behaviour."
"I stalled Doyle because I hoped the team would follow the breadcrumbs and find me."
"They've all been going through the stages of grief. Derek is firmly entrenched in stage three and is very angry at Doyle. Reid hasn't really progressed past the first stage of shock and denial, nor has Garcia. I didn't make any headway either and Dave got to the pain and guilt stage before returning to one."
"I owe them some serious explanations."
"They won't care babe, they'll be too happy to have you alive and well."
Emily smiled at the familiar term of endearment and reached for a strawberry, "I am looking forward to seeing them and I'm going to make sure I tell them exactly how much they mean to me. I've been given a second chance and I intend on making the most of it and leaving nothing unsaid."
"That makes me very proud of you Em."
Emily glanced at her watch, "I am proud of you too honey and we better make a move."
"I've already collected my gear from the hotel, so I'm good to go."
"Excellent and what did Erin want yesterday?"
"Oh, she just wanted to know what my intentions were concerning my career. She was pleased with my decision."
"That makes two of us, now let's pack all this up."
-o-
