TITLE: Criminal Minds – "Darkest Days" (A sequel to Behind the Mask)
AUTHOR: D M Harper
SUMMARY: Agent Prentiss is forced to face her secretive past when it threatens the safety of her BAU colleagues and her beloved family.
RATING: For Mature Readers.
DISCLAIMER: This story was conjured up for reading entertainment only. No money has exchanged hands or bank accounts. There is no profit gained, just fancy flights of imagination. There is no intention to infringe on the copyright of CBS Television Studios or creator Jeff Davis. This writing does feature consensual sexual interaction between two females, so if you are underage or unable to view due to restrictions in your part of the world, be gone and take my sympathy with you. If you find such material offensive, too bad, so sad, you chose to enter this web site of your own free will; hence you have no one to whine to except yourself or a parent if you are caught, so bugger off!
A/N: Please find them time to review and feed the Muse.
Chapter 24
"I heard every word you said to me while I was in the basement Derek," admitted Emily while descending the stairs. "That's what kept me alive. Hearing your voice and knowing how much I had to lose made me hold on. Unfortunately I coded in the back of the ambulance and that's when the plan to hide me came into play."
"I understand and each word was true and I regretted not telling you I love you."
"So did I my friend. I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come out. You kept me focused and I love you too. You're my partner and I want you to know I do trust you. I know I've been guilty of being reserved with my private life and holding back, but that's all going to change."
"I think a lot of that has been Jillian's influence."
"I agree and I owe her so much."
"How is your marriage?"
"It's getting stronger and we are working on it every day. Jillian has a lot to forgive me for, but she has been amazing with it all and she still loves me, so I am content with that."
"You are a terrific couple and when you supposedly died I'd never seen that level of grief before. Man, we have seen some heartache over the years, but Jillian's broke my heart."
"It crushed mine too when I thought about the anguish you were all experiencing."
Jillian was waiting up ahead in the lift and Emily and Derek joined her.
"Jillian and I have discussed matters and we'd be honoured if you would be the twins' godfather."
"I'm the one who'd be honoured, thank you both."
Samantha stuck her head out of the pram and looked up, "Der."
"Is she talking to me?" posed Derek with wide eyes.
"She sure is," answered Jillian.
Kneeling down, Derek said, "What is it cutie."
"Kiss-kiss."
He glanced up at Emily, "Are you kidding me?"
"Nope, we have intelligent offspring."
Leaning in, Derek kissed Samantha on the forehead, "You are way too cute little girl."
"Ahh and the delicious Derek Morgan loses his heart to another blonde," taunted Emily.
The lift stopped and Jillian pushed the buggy out, "I am staying right out of that one."
"Tell me more about this intelligence gig Prentiss."
Emily laughed, "I don't have all day Morgan."
Giggling, Jillian peered down at the children, "Your Uncle Derek is going to be so surprised by what you guys can do."
Jarrod clapped and Derek rolled his eyes, "Really? They can understand what you are saying?"
"Just words here and there and they love to mimic."
"Well, don't let Reid get too close to them," teased Derek with a chuckle.
Jillian opened the SUV with the remote and Derek helped secure the toddlers in the back.
Emily folded up the stroller and Jillian lifted it into the rear compartment for her.
Derek kissed the babies goodbye and they waved, "You two should be marketed."
"We'll see you Saturday, bye," said Jillian before settling in behind the driver's wheel.
Derek hugged Emily and lingered in the clinch, "It's so unbelievably amazing to have you back and if you need anything, give me a holler."
"I will Partner and we'll talk again soon."
"We will."
Emily got into the front passenger seat and noticed Jillian swipe away several tears. The blonde smiled then started the engine.
"Do you want to grab an early lunch before we go to Doctor Lloyd's clinic?" enquired Emily as Jillian reversed out of the parking bay.
"Sure, I know just the place. There's a Denny's three blocks from the medical centre."
"I'll trust your judgement honey."
-o-
Jillian parked in the lot situated behind the medical centre building and Emily finally spoke, "Are you okay?"
"Sorry, I'm preoccupied with compartmentalising all the emotions I've been experiencing the past few days."
"It's been quite the rush, hasn't it?"
"Yes and I need to slow down. I'm in such a hurry to return to the life we had before that I forgot it's not that simple. I was filled with such happiness when I watched you reunite with your friends then I was hit with this wave of crippling dread when I was reminded of the pain everyone went through."
Emily's eyes brimmed with tears, "I fully understand honey. I was gripped with more than one episode of guilt."
Reaching across the centre console, Jillian cupped the left side of Emily's face, "I need more time to adjust and process everything."
"You have my word that I won't push you. I'm just grateful you have allowed me back into the children's lives as well as yours."
Retracting her hand, Jillian glanced at her watch, "We better head inside."
"Lift," demanded Jarrod from his car seat with raised arms.
Emily giggled and turned her head towards the back as Samantha reached out and babbled, "Ma-ma."
"Coming right up Little Miss."
Jillian got out and organised the double pram and baby bag while Emily gathered up Jarrod then Samantha. Jillian secured the vehicle and Emily pushed the stroller towards the entrance. The blonde caught up and held the door open.
Several people were seated in the waiting area and Jillian motioned for Emily to take a chair. Walking up to the reception counter, Jillian handed over her medical insurance card and said, "My wife Emily Prentiss-Rolston has a two o'clock appointment with Doctor Lloyd."
A smiling brunette replied, "I'll just get you to fill out her details for our files then take a seat. Doctor Lloyd will be with you shortly."
"Thank you."
After completing the two paged form, Jillian sat beside Emily and took hold of her left hand, "It won't be long."
"Okay and thank you for being here with me; I know this is difficult for you."
Jarrod stuck his head out from under the back of the pram and uttered, "Bye, bye." He leaned back then closed his eyes.
"He's so adorable," commented Emily as she got up and kissed his forehead.
"Bye, bye," mirrored Samantha with outstretched arms. She wrapped them around Emil's neck when she received a peck on the head. She scowled and glared at Jillian once Emily moved out of the way, "Kiss."
"Oops, sorry cutie," apologised Jillian before smooching both children.
"They certainly are sticklers for routine," pointed out Emily as she sat down.
"That they are Em."
A nurse walked out of the hallway and called, "Emily Prentiss-Rolston?"
Standing, Jillian and Emily made their way towards the brunette then followed her to the last door on the left.
"Please go inside, Doctor will join you in a moment."
Emily rolled the buggy beside two chairs and the couple took a seat. Both toddlers were sound asleep and didn't stir when a blonde in her mid-thirties entered the room.
After introductions, she asked Emily to pop up onto the examination table and unbutton her shirt.
Jillian looked away and closed her eyes. Having viewed pictures of the crude branding and surgical site months earlier, she couldn't bear to see Emily's skin disfigured up close.
"How long ago were the marks made?" inquired the doctor while inspecting the raised scars.
"Seven months."
"And what type of instrument was used for the branding?"
"It was a soldering iron."
"And what about the impact wound?
"I was impaled by a piece of a wooden table leg."
Blonde eyebrows knitted together, "I read in your file you are a Federal Agent and I assume this was done against your will."
"That's correct; I received the injuries during an investigation." Emily looked down at the blemishes and asked, "Can you remove them?"
"They are very deep, but I'm confident both will respond well to laser treatment. If you go into the room to the right and remove your shirt and bra, there is a robe laying on the bed for you. Your first session will take about an hour then I'll see you again in three weeks' time."
Jillian rose to her feet and offered, "I'll go make the appointment and wait outside." Without making eye contact with Emily, she pushed the pram to the door and left.
Jumping off the table, Emily asked, "How many treatments will I need?"
"At least ten and I gather your wife is upset about the scarring."
"Yes she is and I can't blame her."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I'm angry that she is forced to be tormented with episodes of my past because of my appearance."
A brilliant smile radiated from the Physician, "Well let's begin rectifying that problem shall we?"
Relaxing her tensed upper muscles, Emily nodded, "Yes please."
-o-
Jillian didn't speak during the drive home apart from informing Emily her next session was at seven on the third of October. Emily realised her wife was struggling with what Doyle had done to her physically along with the circumstances of the relationship between them. Although buoyed by Jillian's display of intimacy earlier that morning, Emily knew those urges had now vanished. With the burden of responsibility weighing heavily on her shoulders, she carried Samantha upstairs to her cot and avoided any direct contact with Jillian.
Going into the bedroom, Emily changed into black lounge pants and a navy blue polo. She went into the bathroom, washed her hands then applied the scar reduction cream Doctor Lloyd had given her. When she was done, Emily walked downstairs and found Jillian sitting in the study with her head resting in her hands and quietly sobbing.
Backing out of the room Emily pressed her back against the wall and wept. She stayed there until she heard Jillian on the phone making an appointment to see departmental psychiatrist Chelsea Stockwell. Drying her eyes, she moved away and settled on the couch with a baby monitor placed on the low table and a novel in hand. She waited for over an hour for Jillian to join her before getting up and going to look for her.
Jillian was outside sitting on the steps of the cubby house. Her head was bowed, so Emily returned to the house. Entering the nursery, she sat in the rocking chair and watched over the twins until she grew tired and nodded off.
-o-
Not wanting to leave Emily without a car, Jillian called a cab and wrote a note while she waited. Having found Emily asleep earlier, she decided to allow her to catch up on some much needed rest. Leaving the memo pad on the kitchen counter, Jillian took off for the front door and stood in the drive.
A taxi pulled up four minutes later and Jillian gave the driver the address for Quantico.
-o-
Chelsea Stockwell greeted Jillian and asked her to make herself comfortable on a leather bound armchair.
'I appreciate you seeing me at short notice," said the blonde as the middle aged brunette reclined in the chair opposite her.
"Under the circumstances I'm glad you called. I've read your file and the past six months indicate you were under cover for the State Department."
"That's correct."
"There hasn't been an update of your assignment added as of yet, but I have spoken with Section Chief Strauss and she brought me up to speed. You mentioned on the phone you brought your appointment forward because you are experiencing conflicting emotions."
"I assume you have details of my wife's resurrection."
"I do and it's been quite the development since we last spoke. I can only image the turmoil you must be going through."
"I have no regrets over the fact I found that homicidal bastard Doyle and shot him after he stabbed me. I was relieved to have put his murderous ways to an end."
"You say that calmly, but your words are full of anger and hatred."
The cracks in Jillian's stoic demeanour started to show, "I am angry at him for taking innocent lives and trying to kill my wife."
"Chief Strauss mentioned you were the first person to speak with Emily after the threat was over."
"Yes, the meeting took place in Greece."
"Is that when the conflict began?"
"Yes. Before I saw Emily for the first time after all this madness started, I was consumed with the hurt caused by my feelings of betrayal."
"Jillian, you can't hold Emily responsible for something that occurred years before you met."
"Emily told me there were no secrets between us and she was dishonest."
"We have discussed this before during previous sessions and you know she was not at liberty to disclose confidential CIA or Interpol information."
"When Emily disappeared, the whole team saw the file, so confidentiality doesn't come into it, especially considering I have clearance to read that level of file. She could have told me, but consciously chose not to."
The doctor made a notation in the notebook resting on her knees, "Has Emily discussed the issue with you since returning?"
"She told me she was ashamed of her behaviour, and was forced into it due to the urgency of the case."
"That's a reasonable explanation. What bothers you more, the fact she had a sexual relationship with a known criminal or the fact it was a male?"
Tears welled behind blue eyes, "Both, I can't separate the two."
"Do you believe Emily had real feelings for this man?"
"Honestly, I don't know. She told me she didn't, but she kept a betrothal ring he gave her in her safe for seven years."
"I can understand your confusion. Has she explained why she kept it?"
"No."
"Then you need to ask her about it and listen. Don't allow your hatred for Doyle to flow over into your feelings for Emily."
Nodding, Jillian admitted, "I told Emily I would need more time to forget her past, but I rushed things this morning then pulled away from her."
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes, with all my heart. I fell apart when we went to the doctor's to see about having her branding and wound scars removed. I turned away and couldn't even look at her."
"Why do you think that was?"
"I can't stand to view the marks he left on her; letting everyone know there was a time when she was his."
"Now we are getting to the crux of your anger issues."
"Have you seen the photos of her scarring?"
"I have and it tells me Emily endured significant torture."
Teardrops trickled down Jillian's face, "She was so brave."
"I agree and the fact he hurt her fuels your anger."
"Yes it does and her physical injuries are a constant reminder."
"Your hostility is understandable, but you need to let it go if you want your relationship with Emily to work. She will hold onto the guilt if you don't and neither of you will move forward."
"I need to take a step back and focus on her healing."
"No, you need to repair the damage done to you. If you don't heal yourself you will be of no help to Emily."
Tears fell once more and Jillian lowered her head, "Every time I close my eyes I image her with Doyle."
"You are going to have to control that Jillian."
"How do I do that? My brain won't stop the onslaught of pictures from my memory."
"You mentioned earlier you rushed things. Can you explain that to me?"
Jillian recalled the passionate kiss and Chelsea asked, "What were you thinking about when Emily was in your arms?"
"I thought I was blessed to be given another chance with the woman who means the world to me. I was stimulated by my wife's beauty and tenacity then insinuated I wanted to make love when we returned home."
"Have you discussed your feelings with Emily?"
"No. I put distance between us then left the house."
"You did that without an explanation?"
"No. I left her a note."
"I see. Besides anger, are you experiencing any other emotions?"
"I'm ashamed of myself for retreating and scared I'll eventually push Emily away."
"Tell me about your reaction when you saw Emily again in Greece."
Recounting the meeting, Jillian broke down several times before finishing.
"Do you know what is upsetting you?"
"Yes."
"Do you wish to elaborate?"
"I know Emily's heart has been broken and I'm so frustrated because I simply can't forgive her."
"Before we consider how you can help Emily, we are going to work on mending your shattered heart and controlling your thought process."
Thinking there may be some light at the end of a very long tunnel; Jillian squared her shoulders and confidently responded, "Okay, I can do that."
-o-
Emily woke to the sound of Samantha and Jarrod chatting away to one another in gibberish. They stopped the instant she stood up and walked towards Samantha's crib. "Come on Little Miss, you can have first diaper change. I hope you two weren't talking about me," she said while lifting her daughter up and carrying her to the change table.
The reply was a giggle followed by, "Ma-ma."
"I'll take that as a yes and you've been busy." Emily set about exchanging the soiled nappy for a clean one and nearly dropped Samantha when she turned around and spied Jarrod scaling down the front of his cot. "Seriously, you planned an escape while I was preoccupied?"
Planting his feet firmly onto the floor, Jarrod pivoted on his left leg and walked over to Emily.
Putting Samantha down, she gathered up her son and changed his nappy, "Wait until your mommy knows about your Houdini act and walking by yourself, she'll be so impressed."
Using Emily's pant leg, Samantha pulled herself up and uttered, "Yum, yum."
"Okay. Dinner time for you two monkeys and I better put the barrier on the top of the stairs before you start climbing down those too."
"No," protested Jarrod with a pout and an accompanying shake of the head.
Emily kissed his cheek then picked up Samantha. She also received a kiss before Emily took them downstairs and placed them into their highchairs.
Both children clapped when their mother retrieved two containers of food from the refrigerator. Putting them into the microwave, Emily prepared two bowls of shredded chicken and vegetables. When the food was warmed through, she sat at the table and watched the twins eat. They busily demolished their meal and right away asked for more.
In between mouthfuls, the toddlers glanced at each other and chatted away then glanced at Emily. She recognised the word ma-ma several times and tried not to laugh at their antics.
Noticing the handwritten note on the memo pad a short time later, she got up and read the message:
Emily,
Please forgive my behaviour. I am at a loss as to what to do.
I have gone to speak with Doctor Stockwell in the hope I
can get past my resentment and inability to deal with our
situation in a reasonable fashion. I take full
responsibility for making your homecoming harder than it
should be.
I will sit down with you when I return & we will talk.
Even though I put a wall up at the doctor's, I want you to
understand I fully regret my actions.
Love always,
Jillian
With a happy heart, Emily wiped away the tears that had formed in her eyes and returned her attention to the two giggling children watching her intently.
-o-
It was past eight when a tiptoeing Jillian snuck into the nursery and pecked the twins on the forehead. Tucking them in, she strolled back down the hallway and entered the master bedroom.
Emily was seating up against her pillows and reading. Looking up, she smiled and asked, "How did it go?"
Returning the smile, Jillian sat on the side of the bed, "I poured my heart out for two hours and will be seeing Doctor Stockwell again at ten Wednesday morning."
"Thank you for leaving a note and I'm glad you're getting professional help."
"I have actually been seeing her for a while and sorry I left you alone with the kids."
"We did just fine. Although, they did look around for you when it was bath time and when we played on the mat."
Stretching out her right hand, Jillian laced her fingers with Emily's and tearfully confessed, "There is this powerful rage that tightens my chest when I think of how you were nearly taken away then I am comforted by your presence. I am engulfed by a certain serenity that I haven't felt for ages. It washes over me and I am content again and at other times; I am consumed by my feelings of betrayal and jealousy. I am well aware I need to rid myself of those emotions before I can be totally with you. I have to mend that part of me, because I don't want to lose you."
"I will do whatever you need me to do and will wait for however long is necessary."
"Thank you and I realise how frustrating it will be for you Emily, so I'll understand if you want me to sleep in one of the other rooms."
Emily's lower lip began to tremble, "Is that what you want?"
"No. Despite everything that is going on, I slept really well last night with you beside me."
"So did I and would like that to continue."
"All right, I'll just grab a shower and we can have an early night. What time did the twins end up going to bed?"
"Seven thirty and Jarrod said a new word."
Standing, Jillian bent over and softly kissed Emily's forehead before releasing her hand, "I'm almost too afraid to ask."
Tittering, Emily ran her fingers through Jillian's hair, "He said pooh when he sat on the potty."
Giggling, Jillian moved to the chest of drawers and shook her head, "At least he got it right."
"Samantha clapped at him and laughed."
"I'm glad to see they kept you amused."
"They both sat on the couch with me and watched the news before story time."
"We better start thinking about College; I think they'll be starting early."
"Just like their mother did," mentioned Emily proudly.
"Speaking of mothers, mine will be here Wednesday night. She's flying in ahead of the others."
"It will be great to see her again. I'm expecting her to give me a stern talking to like she did the first time I broke your heart."
"She'll be too busy crying. I won't be long."
Emily returned to her novel and Jillian climbed into bed eight minutes later. Putting down the book, Emily extinguished the light and to her delight, Jillian draped an arm around her hip when she lay on her side. "If you need to talk, I'm right here for you Jill," she offered while placing her hand over her wife's.
"We can chat more tomorrow honey. The babies will be awake in seven hours, so enjoy the peace while you can."
"Goodnight."
"Sweet dreams."
-o-
A/N: The waters are a little choppy!
