Gillian anxiously called up the stairs, "We're off!"
She really couldn't wait any longer to take Flora to school if they were going to be on time. Nerves made her shift her weight from foot to foot, disappointed not to see Caroline dressed for work. She was itching to give her lover a final send off for the day, although a big part of her apprehension was wanting to see what outfit Caroline had chosen, and if the tell-tale marks on her lover's neck from last night had been discretely covered.
As if on cue, Caroline appeared at the top of the stairs, tucking blonde hair behind an ear and flashing Gillian a grateful smile. She began the descent, moving gingerly down the stairs. Gillian wondered how much was due to Caroline being careful in her heels, and how much was due to sore muscles from their prolific night. She knew she'd been marking her proverbial territory but she didn't regret it, and if Caroline's now beaming smile was an indication, nor did her lover.
Although they needed to leave, Gillian stayed to give Caroline a long, appraising look. She wasn't sure what to make of Caroline's new suit. It was more fitted than the headteacher had been wearing lately and Gillian was sure the new heels would do her in before the end of the morning. But what disturbed her more than anything about Caroline's attire was the lack of either a scarf or pearls; she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen the head teacher outfit without at least one of them. As Caroline leaned in to give her a lingering kiss goodbye, Gillian caught a glimpse of the love bite she'd given her the night before.
Caroline bent down to plant a quick kiss on the top of Flora's head. "Have a good day," she added, her hand gently squeezing Flora's shoulder as she readjusted her backpack.
Gillian watched with a smile, before catching Caroline's eye. "I think you're making a mistake. 'Yes' is such a small and simple word to say."
"'No' is an even smaller word," Caroline stubbornly answered, repeating some of the previous night's conversation.
"But it's one she's not used to hearing. And you'll only regret it if you can't get the funding."
Flora tugged at Gillian's hand and pulled, exasperated by the delay. "We're going to be late Aunty Gillian. Bye, Mum. I hope your day isn't a disappointment."
"Bye darling," Caroline said, following them out. Raising her hand in the shape of an old phone, she promised Gillian, "I'll call you...after."
At 11.55am Caroline stepped out from the shelter of the school building and past Zara—handsomely clothed in the black chauffeur's uniform again—before settling into the back seat of the limousine. She waited for the driver, observing with interest the pink rose discretely pinned to their lapel. She wondered if a meaning was attached to it, mentally parking the question for research if she had a free moment later in the day.
Zara slid in the front seat, closed the door with the whoomff of an expensively solid car and turned to Caroline. Speaking with an accent from West Yorkshire mixed with lyrical influences from the Sub-continent, Zara explained, "Judith asked me to take you down to canal this time. She said she were taking you for a ride—"
"Really," Caroline muttered, decidedly unimpressed.
"On a boat!" Zara exclaimed, knowing Caroline had the wrong impression. Trying to fix it, Zara burbled on, "Y'know, one of them narrowboats. Really posh, y'know."
Caroline's eyebrows climbed under her brow as she visualised her afternoon disintegrating while trapped on a mouldy barge on a cesspit of a stream.
"An' I'll pick you up t'other end, y'know, when you're done."
Caroline closed her eyes, resigned to yet another lost afternoon. She nodded, affirming to Zara that she knew it wasn't their fault before the motor started and they took off smoothly.
Caroline watched Zara during the 20 minute journey, observing closely the chiseled cheekbones, the lustre of dark skin, the smooth complexion of youth. Whenever traffic stopped she noticed Zara would gaze appreciatively into the rear view mirror at her before dragging their eyes back to the road at the last possible moment. Despite revealing a disconcerting level of admiration towards Caroline, Zara chattily explained the main features of the highest canal on the British mainland on which Caroline would be traveling as if it was the most captivating topic for conversation they could be having.
There was a calm about Zara which reminded her of Kate, the sense of an old soul in a young person's body. Despite Caroline's anxiety about the meeting with Judith, the soothing voice and memories of Kate enabled her to arrive in Slaithwaite with an unexpected sense of equanimity. She thanked Zara as her door opened, stepping out into the broad daylight beside the Huddersfield Narrow Canal.
Caroline could see a green-painted narrowboat tied to the bank of the canal, in front of which stood Judith, her long dark curls moving in the light breeze and altogether looking more like a shampoo commercial than she thought the brunette had a right. Caroline took a deep breath and headed towards the woman who had been at various times a marriage-wrecker, 'the entourage', one of her inspirational women and now, she didn't know; the ground was shifting as Judith was again changing the rules of engagement.
Judith watched with nervous anticipation as Caroline walked towards her, blonde hair glowing in the bright sunshine of the autumn day. Casting her eyes south, she took in the dark suit that clung to lush curves as Caroline strolled. Caroline slowed her pace to an amble, taking the time to look about, giving Judith even more opportunity to observe the handbag dangling casually from the forearm, the wrist held in the typical pose of the overly confident posh-bitch-about-town. The posture and the attitude were a statement of casual dominance, the sort only privilege bestowed. It wasn't until Caroline was closer that Judith noticed the seductive roll of her hips was trying to mask the small steps of the shagged-once-too-often-last-night walk.
Judith mockingly glared at her, cocking a hip and plonking a hand unceremoniously on it. "There's no need to rub it in."
Caroline looked a little bashful that her nighttime activities were quite that obvious, knowing exactly what Judith was alluding to. "Yes, well..."
"Love the love bite; it's so 1989."
Caroline chuckled before opening her collar a little wider, tugging at it defiantly. "Ah, yes, as I recall, John never did anything long enough to leave a mark."
"We can both agree on that," Judith said ruefully. A sly grin rose up her face as she made a mental note about Sigrid and the art of snark. She nodded to Caroline's neck, "Gillian's staking a claim."
"I presume so." Caroline looked directly into Judith's eyes, daring her to have a problem with it. "I enjoyed every second of it."
"And boy, are you paying for it today!" Judith laughed, glancing at Caroline's crotch with a glint in her eye. "Are you going to be okay to sit?"
Caroline rolled her eyes before muttering, "Fuck off."
Smirking, Judith added, "It's lucky they've got soft cushions on the boat then. Come on."
Still grinning, Judith stepped aside to let Caroline lead the way towards the back of the boat, enjoying watching her move. After stopping to introduce Caroline to the Captain, a sturdy chap with a greying beard and weather-beaten face, Judith took the lead, past the bed—a startling reminder of all she desired from Caroline—through the open kitchen, complete with a chef busily dicing onions, and out onto the front deck. On the bow of the boat, exposed to the glorious autumn afternoon, were two comfortable chairs, a small table laden with nibbles and a bottle of expensive-looking Chardonnay.
Judith watched with amusement as Caroline lowered herself carefully into one of the chairs. She poured a glass of the 1996 Ramonet Mantrachet Grand Cru for Caroline and a virgin mojito for herself. Once they were seated she leaned back, enjoying observing Caroline reach into her handbag for something as the boat slowly chugged away from the bank. She was more than a little bewitched by the graceful addition of designer sunglasses and the nonchalant toss of blonde hair that accompanied it. It didn't help when Caroline took a sip of the wine and a whimper of ecstasy escaped unbidden as her head tilted to expose her throat while she swallowed. Judith couldn't breathe, wondering if this was what Caroline looked like when she came, knowing the outrageous price tag for the wine she couldn't taste had been worth every penny for this priceless vision. She watched in silence, aware of every sound, every movement as Caroline lingered mesmerisingly over her next mouthful of wine.
The boat had established a steady pace in the middle of the canal before Caroline finally broke the silence. "That's bloody good."
"I thought you would appreciate it."
Caroline cleared her throat, looking at Judith intently. "Why have you trapped me on a boat for the afternoon?"
Judith picked up an iPad and declared with some resignation, "I expect you'll bugger off after this, so I wasn't going to let you go without picking your brains before you did."
She opened the iPad cover, folding it until it stood upright with a keyboard at the base and then pulled out an envelope. She handed it to a surprised Caroline.
"There's a cheque for four hundred grand in there. I would like your help but I'm not going to blackmail you into this. You can give me an afternoon though."
Caroline's jaw dropped open for a moment before closing it again. She blinked twice before the whirring in her head slowed to a pace at which the thoughts became recognisable as language.
Judith continued, "It's yours. I never should have put you in the position of having to say 'Yes' to get the money. That's something a man would do and I shouldn't have. I am sorry."
"Really? You've...you don't want a contract or a signature or...?"
"No, not really. Couldn't be fucked." Judith looked at her quizzically. "I trust you to pass this on to the school."
"Of course!" Caroline sat up straighter in her chair, the mere thought of breaking the rules with that amount of money a complete anathema to her. "I will put it in the trust for the building first thing on Monday morning. I'll send you a receipt on letterhead once it clears."
Judith nodded, knowing Caroline wasn't the type to run off to Majorca with the building funds. She would, she acknowledged ruefully to herself. Caroline wouldn't.
Caroline carefully put the cheque in her handbag and zipped it up for safekeeping. She undid the buttons of her jacket, took off her stilettos, crossed her legs and settled comfortably into the chair. She took a deep breath, had another satisfying swallow of wine and looked Judith in the eye.
"What do you want from me?"
Caroline felt like a vein had been sliced open. All afternoon Judith had peppered her with questions, and all afternoon she'd felt the intensity of Judith's gaze as she emotionally bled for her. It was not what she'd expected. She'd been picked apart by John during his 'Caroline as muse' phase, but it had never been like this. She wondered if the building of characters and relationships were influenced by gender, because Judith's questions were much more intimate and penetrated deeper into her soul. Perhaps it was her age, her tiredness, or her having reached the stage of life where her own secrets mattered less and other people's more. Perhaps it was that she never felt judged by Judith, that she'd been offered a confessional, a rare opportunity to spill her guts in front of someone who'd done worse, been worse. Or perhaps it was simply that the now empty bottle of exquisite wine had loosened her tongue. Whatever the reason, Judith had managed to prise open the battlements and was fossicking around in the time-stained history of her years at Oxford when the examination ended and Judith quietly closed her iPad.
Judith looked at her with gentle affection. Caroline couldn't remember Judith ever doing that before. She blinked slowly at her now empty glass. Maybe she was on the edge of being pissed. Maybe she was giving into the exhaustion of having finally solved the school's funding problem. Maybe she was more emotionally spent than she realised from Judith's gentle but constant excavations. Whatever the cause, she found herself at the point where the world still made sense, but it was starting to swim a little in front of her eyes.
"We need to get you home, Caroline."
Caroline nodded.
"The car is here. Zara's going to take us home."
Judith stood and smiled at Caroline's careful floundering as she made it to her feet.
"Let's leave the shoes off. I'll carry them for you," Judith offered, knowing Caroline wasn't quite sober enough to wear high heels, imagining it wouldn't be fun spending the rest of the day in A&E if she had an accident.
Judith guided Caroline into the car with Zara's eager help and slid in the back seat next to her. She reeled off an address which Zara duly entered into the sat nav before they took off. Leaving the driving to Zara, Judith focused on Caroline.
She could see Caroline was still lost in history, the present a mere sideshow to the main event; the retelling and reframing of her past that was going on inside her head. Judith picked up Caroline's hand, cradling it in her own, caressing it while memorising the strength, the lines, the shape of it. She hadn't expected Caroline would be so forthcoming, but each lock they'd passed seemed to unlock another internal barrier until Caroline revealed the bedrock of fears and insecurities that fuelled her furious need for perfection.
Judith had seen Caroline with fresh eyes the day they connected at Caroline's school but today had shown her something else. Then she had caught a glimpse of something intriguing, but now, she could admit to herself she was in the midst of a full-blown crush. Caroline was an astonishing woman, the depth of which she had only guessed at in the past. John, as she'd known all along, was an idiot. Comparing him as a partner to Caroline was like comparing tinsel on a store-bought Christmas tree to the vast complexities of an ancient forest of fir trees.
As she stroked Caroline's hand, she watched it curl into her own, unbidden, the sensuality of it more intense than she had felt for a long time. Today had been so much richer than she'd imagined, more than sunshine, expensive Chardonnay and Trout Almondine on a narrow boat would suggest. It had been more profound than that. Judith had physically opened a vein in front of Caroline when they'd first met, and today Caroline had emotionally opened a vein in front of Judith. A balance had been struck somehow, enabling the two of them to connect, to forgive, to allow for a new path.
Judith watched as Caroline sobered up during the drive, each mile taking her closer to home and nearer to Gillian. Each mile Judith could feel Caroline withdrawing into herself, carefully erecting the barriers for protection from the outside world. They were only five minutes from Caroline's house when Caroline finally withdrew her hand, a gentle squeeze the last private touch Judith would be granted.
The sense of loss was acute, more than Judith thought it would be. She finally understood the gift Gillian had been given. Judith realised she didn't have the depth or strength to stand shoulder to shoulder with this woman in battle, that their relationship would never work, no matter how much she wanted it to. She was left with the turmoil of grief for a relationship that never could be, and the intense excitement of knowing what drove Caroline's perfectionism, the off-handed pretension, the driving need to be respected. She now knew the fault lines that ran through the diamond. She had found her Sigrid.
Gillian heard Ruth barking before she heard the sound of the strange car. Tea towel in hand, she looked out the kitchen window to find a sleek black limousine turning carefully into the courtyard.
"Ff-bloody hell!"
Drying her hands, she stood motionless as she watched the driver launch themselves out of the car to dramatically open the rear door. She could see Caroline carefully extracting herself from the car while Judith climbed out the other side. She was astonished to see Caroline accepting a hug—although it lasted the requisite three seconds and she could imagine Caroline counting each one of them—before they stepped apart. Judith handed over Caroline's shoes and only then did Gillian notice Caroline's stockinged feet on the cobblestones.
Gillian's mind was starting to race with possibilities, the five hours since lunchtime pregnant with potential for all sorts of shenanigans. Her chest tightened and a spike of jealously flushed through her while she closely observed their body language for any telltale signs of infidelity. A nanosecond later she berated herself for even thinking it of Caroline.
"Pillock!" She muttered under her breath. She planted a smile on her face, covering the mixed bag of emotions that charged through her body and opened the kitchen door, letting Ruth charge out to greet Caroline.
"Hiya!" Gillian called out as she stepped into the doorway, not sure what else to say.
Caroline's head shot up and she turned to face her, a smile growing steadily. It was a smile of relief, of homecoming. Gillian could breathe again.
"Thanks for bringing her home," Gillian yelled to Judith as the tall woman waved and slipped effortlessly back into the car, the driver shutting the door after her. Gillian was only half aware of the sleek car purring as it backed out of the courtyard and evaporated from sight.
She watched Caroline pick her way carefully over the cobblestones, toes poking through stockings as her arms swung loosely as they dripped with handbag and heels. Ruth danced with joy beside her, delighted her human was home.
"So," Gillian began as she leaned against the door frame. "How did it go?"
"I had a nice time," Caroline managed as she followed Gillian into the house, her eyes focused on Gillian, "But it was a long afternoon." She almost collapsed on the shorter woman, arms folding around her as she buried her nose in Gillian's brown hair.
It was more than the standard three seconds before Gillian felt her lover nuzzle her neck, then came the soft tickle of a happy sigh.
"It's so nice to be home."
