CHAPTER 6: Rejections
It was kind of a letdown that the management disapproved of their idea to start meeting with the fans. They said that their image was built in direct contradiction with this, and that they don't want to break the mystery. Besides, all six of them knew well what they could expect, and they can't suddenly change their minds about little things like that. If they wanted their show to be successful, they had to make sacrifices.
That being said, the management did understand that the stars have been working hard, basically non-stop for the past year; and they promised to make a break soon. Shows and work meetings have been booked for the next four months, all the way to January, with no stops except a shork break over Christmas holidays, and little could be done about that. For the time being, at least the date of the upcoming meeting and a brief studio session have been postponed, saving everyone about ten days in total.
Other than that, the big guys also asked if the singers were in need of a touring therapist, regarding the low spirit that has been sneaking up on them. They dismissed that suggestion.
"Therapists are for pussies," said Rin; "or people with real issues." Miku looked at her and frowned, but said nothing.
Soon, the date of their break was right around the corner. It was Wednesday, the evening of their last show for the next two weeks. They were hanging out in the living room backstage, all in their concert outfits. Miku was looking in a big mirror on the wall playing with her tie -for the love of her, she suddenly couldn't remember how to tie it properly. Kaito watched her from the dark green couch in the middle of the room; Rin was sitting next to him, playing with Bellatrix and humming something quietly. Meiko and Luka were standing in the back trying to stuff a whole bag worth of marshmallows in their mouths. It was good that noone else was paying attention to them, it was gross.
The last of them left, Len, then walked inside with a phone in his hand.
"Hey, sis," he called out to Rin who looked up at him. "Just talked to mom. They'll come pick us up on Friday morning."
"Sweet!" his sister smiled widely. "I can't wait to see everyone again."
"Eweven," said Luka with difficulty. Len came to sit down next to Kaito and began playing something on his phone.
"Are you sure you don't wanna come with us, Miku?" Rin asked. "You'd like our family. You already like us, right?"
Miku snickered, but with much less entertainment than she would without the stupid turqoise tie on her neck that still didn't want to cooperate. "Nah, thanks. Maybe next time."
"Twelf," Meiko stuffed another marshmallow in her mouth. "Cud hew shome shlack, Win. She'sh sheein' hew own fawily, wighd?"
Luka tried to chuckle, but gagged and had no choice but to spit out all the undisclosed material into a trash can that the girls had set between them. The others laughed with her, some of them more hesitantly, some of them less.
"That's not fair, making me laugh!" the girl complained. "Anyone got a tissue?"
"Here." Kaito stood up while reaching into his pocket and took two quick steps towards Luka with a tiny packet in his hand. He couldn't have helped but snicker when he watched her wipe her own salliva off of her chin. "Gosh, if only you could see yourself right now. This is the grossest I've ever seen you."
"Oh yeah?" She replied and snatched the half-full bag of marshmallows. "Let's see how gross you look when I stuff all this inside you!"
Meiko who had in the mean time spat out the content of her mouth left the two to sort out their dispute on their own and walked towards Miku. "Lemme help you," she said, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her. "I can't watch this any longer."
"Thanks," she replied, and sighed when the woman proceeded to swiftly knot her tie in the right way. "I don't know what's on my mind today, I just couldn't do it."
"Hey, that happens to all of us." Meiko pulled down one last time and the tie was suddenly lying perfectly on the singer's chest.
"Maybe, but... Me and Len are the only ones wearing ties around here. That's unfair." She grinned. "What are you doing on your vacation?"
"Oh. Haven't decided yet. But I'll have to come back to the studio in five days anyway, since I'm actually working unlike the rest of you," Meiko added in a louder voice and looked around the room cheekily.
"Hey, we're all bustin' our asses over here!" said Rin who was kneeling on the sofa, leaning on the cushions and watching Luka and Kaito fight.
"Indeed. Anyway," the woman continued and turned her head back towards Miku, "I'm gonna be working on some new costumes and choreographies starting next week."
"Sounds cool. Maybe I'll see you then, I'll probably end up in the studio too."
"Whaaaaat!" Meiko exclaimed. The twins flinched and looked at her irritatedly. "You have two weeks off and you plan to spend them by working? What about your family?"
"Mei, you guys are my family," Miku smiled and her eyes briefly shifted towards Rin. The twin girl blinked, casually stood up and left the room. "And since you'll be all gone, I don't think there's gonna be much left for me to do."
"Hold on!" Kaito was suddenly standing right next to them, leaving Luka behind with her bag of marshmallows, most of which were scattered across the floor by that point. "Are you seriously going to spend the entire vacation in the studio on your own?"
"It's not a big deal, really. I'll just wait until you all get back, and we'll hop on this crazy train again."
"I guess, but..." The boy seemed troubled. Meiko chose to leave them alone and proceeded to help Luka clean up the white fluffy mess. "Don't you miss your friends? And parents? They're..."
"HEY!" Rin shouted from the corridor. "Miku! You're being called on stage!"
"Right!" she replied and headed towards the door, but took one more glance at Kaito and smiled encouragingly. "Seriously, dude. You don't have to worry. Everything will be fine."
He sighed. "As you wish. Good luck out there."
"See ya later!" Meiko shouted from the floor. Miku waved them and disappeared around the corner.
Rin was waiting for her at the end of the corridor. Noone else was around.
"Thank you," the turqoise girl told her. "And sorry. You know I hate it when they start asking about family."
"It's alright." The twin gave her a hug. "But you know you're gonna have to tell them someday, don't you?"
"Probably. But I'd like to postpone that as long as I can."
"And hey," Rin crossed her arms; "you might not like it when we worry about you, but you'll have to take it from me. I just don't want you left behind when we all go have fun without you. That's not fair."
"Please, drop it already." Miku frowned. "I can handle it. I won't be all alone, there will be plenty of people in the studio."
"We'll see. I'll call you every day, can you handle that at least?"
She chuckled. "I'm so glad I have you."
"No probs. Now, you should probably get out there before Sammy actually calls you in," Rin grinned.
"Okay. Bye for now!"
"See you!"
Kaito almost didn't register when Rin came back to the living room. He had previously retreated quietly to the back of the room, sat down on the ground in the corner and spaced out.
There was clearly something that Miku was keeping from him -from all of them, in fact. He hadn't decided yet which was worse: that he wanted to help her and had no idea where to begin, since he didn't know what the problem was; or that she was keeping secrets from him, no matter how much he wished for her to be completely honest with him.
Kaito had been increasingly upset at the world for the last couple of weeks. Things weren't going the way he expected with Miku. Kaito didn't know if he was that bad at showing her all the affection she needed -as he thought -or she just didn't appreciate it. The result was the same regardless: he wasn't feeling the same kind of attachment from Miku that he felt towards her.
And because Kaito didn't know who he'd be without her, he was still refusing to accept this, hoping that some day, some hour, some second, she might realise what she had in him.
Sometimes, very rarely, he was beginning to have second thoughts. Maybe, those thoughts were telling him, it was time to move on. She will never love you. Not the same way you love her.
-But what if she will? Kaito replied. If I just keep trying, she could. I wouldn't want to miss my chance.
-If you say so. His brain cackled. You brought this on yourself. You're too cowardly to just tell her how you feel. All this uncertainty stems from that.
-But, he asked with desperation, what if Miku's just like me? What if she has feelings for me, but is afraid to say so?
-Heh. At this rate, we'll probably never know.
And so his struggle continued. He could never bring himself to come clean, the fear of being rejected was too strong -and growing stronger with every day this problem remained unresolved.
The most confusing part was that no matter how difficult it was for Kaito, everything felt strangely happy at the same time. His love for Miku stood above all else and gave him strength to keep going.
Someone entered his peripheral vision. He lifted his head: Luka was looking at him. In the next moment, Kaito realised that she said something.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing. I just wanted to know what you were thinking about," Luka smiled. "It's like you're not even here."
Kaito thought of an excuse. "Maybe I'm just glad that we're going on vacation," he said. "The work's been getting on me lately."
"The work." She sat down next to him. "Well, I'm sure it will help you if you're not going to see the work for a few days."
There was just a hint of irony and smartassery in her voice that he was more used to hearing from Rin.
"Please, Luka," he asked her quietly so that the rest wouldn't hear. "You're so much smarter than me, what do you think I should do?"
"Honestly?"
"Yes."
His friend thought about it. "Honestly, I think you should just pull your head out of your ass. There are other important things in life besides Miku."
"You think I don't know this?" Kaito's gaze turned back at the ground. "I'm trying. I'm trying to get her out of my head, but... It seems impossible."
"Well, since you're literally spending all your time with her, yeah, it's impossible."
"I'm...!" He almost retorted, but realised she was right. "I mean... yeah."
Somewhere far away, the beat to 39 Music began to play. Miku arrived on the stage and started off the show.
"You gotta realise what you really want. And you can't do that when you're always all around Miku." Luka smiled with encouragement. "Like I said, it's good that you'll spend some time apart."
This thought managed to lighten up his mood a little bit. Not for any particular reason or expectation, just for the promise that the change of environment held. Kaito hadn't realised it before, but he was really looking forward to having several days off.
There was only one problem.
"Um..." he opened his mouth. "I actually forgot to make any plans. I'm staying with my parents and little sister, that's decided. But that's also the only thing so far."
Luka giggled. "Don't you have any old friends back in... Where do your parents live?"
"Right in the middle of Tokyo. Lame, I know."
"Hey, so does my mom!" she grinned. "If you really won't have anything better to do, we could definitely hang out."
"Don't you have any old friends there?"
"Just a few, and they'll be busy most of the time. I think I would have ended up at home reading Stephen King for the entire time I'm there."
"Not to mention the fact that you can't walk around Tokyo without being recognised, huh?"
Luka shrugged. "I don't mind being recognised. It's when people think we're gods what pisses me off. And now the management shut down our idea to break the fourth wall."
"Your idea," he corrected her with a smile. "Are you still upset about it?"
"Meh, forget it. They probably know what they're doing."
Kaito looked around the room. Meiko was gone, probably watching the show behind the stage or hanging out with the crew. Len was on his phone, as usual. Rin was looking at the two of them, peeking from behind the sofa; as soon as her eyes met with his, she chuckled and disappeared.
"I think Rin thinks we're up to something," he whispered to Luka amusedly.
She was silent for two seconds. "Yeah. So young and naïve," she mumbled eventually and kind of distantly.
"I think you're right, though," said Kaito and decided to ignore her strange comment. "We can meet up later. If we're both bored."
"I'd love to," Luka replied. "No work, no fame, no M... music. Just the two of us."
He suddenly remembered something and laughed. "We'll just have to be more careful this time."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you remember what happened the last time the two of us were hanging out, right?"
Luka blinked. "Gosh, you remember that?"
Of course he did. It was the night when they had a couple more drinks than necessary. He had no real idea what he was doing: he was drunk, and Luka was, well, an attractive woman. Things just escalated faster than they realised back then. Of course today, he could only laugh at that memory.
"It's funny," he said with a dumb smile, "that we could simply just make out without any feelings, and now I can't even bring myself to hold hands with Miku."
"Funny things do happen," she said with a blank expression.
