CHAPTER 8: Change Of Heart
The first half of their break was amazing. Kaito ended up hanging out with Luka on almost every day, and he was genuinely surprised by the amount of fun he was having. Once he peeked out of his shell, he was able to look back and see that maybe his friend was right: he had been spending most of his time locked inside his own head thinking about Miku and the crap related to the whole situation. Luka basically forced him to forget about it all and freakin' enjoy himself more.
Even though the first day hadn't been ideal. The two of them agreed on taking the risk of going to a teahouse together -the risk here being the possibility of being recognised in public and getting overwhelmed by fangirling masses. While there weren't exactly crowds of people stepping up and asking for selfies, signatures, hugs and whatnot, Kaito and Luka were stopped by strangers on the street three times before even getting to the teahouse itself. The private atmosphere of the establishment had then been kind of ruined by another group of people randomly visiting and spotting them immediately.
Sure, it was flattering, and the feeling of being even recognised, let alone praised, was the strangest thing on the planet. But at the same time, that was the moment it hit Kaito: they probably wouldn't be able to be anonymous ever again. All the cheap, quiet places they'd like to visit when they were younger -and less famous -were going to be ruined by someone screaming at the top of their lungs. Some of their fans indeed could be annoying; for example, some of them were apparently shipping him with Luka and were sort of disappointed when they learned that the two of them weren't in fact on a date (although Luka seemed to support that idea in front of them, but Kaito figured she probably just liked to mess with their heads).
The next day, she came to his place and they tried to watch Death Note together. It resulted in Luka falling asleep on his shoulder; apparently, the previous day had been pretty exhausting for her. Soon, he passed out as well -and that's how his little sister Yuki found them when she came home from school. She wouldn't let him hear the end of it for the entire evening.
At first, a small part of him was upset that he couldn't have done things like that with Miku. But as the days were passing by and Kaito and Luka had been coming up with awesome ideas for spending time together, he was beginning to feel differently -towards both of the girls. He saw more and more clearly that him and the turqoise star might not have been exactly a perfect match. Yet, he had been the happiest in a really long time, and he had Luka to thank for it. Everything they did together, whether they were just talking or, for example, baking cookies at her place (most of which turned out a lot blacker than they intended), felt incredibly natural -as opposed to choosing each word carefully to leave the best impression, like he had done with Miku. With Luka, he was more confident in just being himself, perhaps because he wasn't trying to prove anything to her.
Still, Kaito subconsciously knew that this was merely a timeout. The whole thing with Miku waited inside his head to be properly sorted out, and he was still afraid to confront it, knowing there would probably be a lot of pain to absorb. He wasn't ready for it yet, so he avoided talking or even thinking about Miku as much as he could until the time was right.
And then came the evening when everything changed.
"By the way," Rin wrote him in chat in the middle of a conversation; "have you heard from Miku lately?"
"No, I haven't really heard from anyone since I left," he replied.
"Except Luka, of course. ;)"
"Yup. Why are you asking about Miku?"
"Meiko called this morning, she was asking me if I knew anything about what's bothering her."
"Why?"
"She wouldn't tell me, but I guess Miku's not doing well. Which makes sense, she's been kinda down for a while now. :("
Kaito frowned at his computer. "I noticed, but she never told me anything specific."
"I don't know that much either, except..."
Rin stopped typing for a minute.
"Sorry, I'm not supposed to talk about it."
She probably meant well; it was actually nice of her to try and keep a secret for once. But to Kaito's brain, her words might have as well been a big red button that says Detonate. Later that night, when he was rolling in bed, he was almost unwillingly going through crazy scenarios which might have been the cause of Miku's condition. Briefly going back to the talks he's had with her in the last few weeks, he couldn't remember if she was hinting towards anything at any point; and the more he thought about it, the more confused and worried he was.
A strange reflex kicked in, one that usually urged him to drop whatever he was doing and focus on Miku's well-being. Obviously, the feelings he had for Miku didn't have all the time necessary to go away, and it all came back to him, throwing away all that he might have learned over the last couple of days. It was that sort of irrational voice that he knew he shouldn't take a hundred percent seriously, but he couldn't stop listening to it anyway. It was always trying to convince him that maybe this time, when Kaito shows her what she has in him, he might finally win her heart.
Kaito considered picking up the phone and calling her, but eventually decided against it. What would he even say to her? That he knew she was sad and wanted to help her? Even if that would seem as a good idea -which it didn't -he didn't want to do this over a phone. Saying that he cared about someone was one thing, but unless he actually did something to prove it, it was just an empty statement. And he didn't want to look like a bigmouth.
But he had to do something, that he knew for sure. Before she went to bed, Rin told him everything that Meiko told her -what Miku said and what she was crying about. When Kaito put the pieces together, he realised that the girl was probably feeling really lonely. She thought she couldn't trust anyone with her feelings and she refused to believe that someone was caring about her. Perhaps all she needed was for someone to be there with her -other than the people that were already in the studio who had to focus on their work.
Before he finally fell asleep, he knew two things for certain. One: that he cared about her and naturally wanted to cheer her up in any way he could; he'd have done this for any of his friends in this situation, but for Miku, he was still willing to go that one step further. And two: he knew exactly what he was supposed to do next.
Breaking the news to his family wasn't as hard as talking to Luka. Two days back, they booked each other for a short trip to Yokohama, a harbor city conveniently placed right next to Tokyo. At this moment, they were in a small park stuck between the harbors, with the ocean right next to it. There were only a few people there, and everyone seemed to be minding their own business -which was good, because the last thing Kaito wanted was being interrupted by some fans as he was trying to explain the whole situation to her.
"I already talked to Mei in the morning," he told her as they slowly walked forward. "I'll be there tonight, it's all set."
"So you're leaving, just like that?" she asked him with eyes wide open.
"I'm sorry," Kaito sighed. "I feel like... I have to."
"But why? I think Miku's in good hands as she is." Luka was looking at the ocean, facing away from him. "She's got Meiko there, to say the least."
"I know... But you know me, I can't just sit around knowing someone might need my help."
"And what kind of help are we talking about, Kaito?" The girl looked at him with a sarcastic smile. "Roses, chocolates and love confessions? Are you sure you don't want to use this situation to win her heart?"
"This has nothing to do with me," he retorted. "I refuse to let her suffer, that's all I'm saying."
"Yes, because you have to be the hero to her."
"Hey, if that was you, or Rin or Len, I wouldn't hesitate either. Don't you feel sorry for her, too?"
Luka's gaze turned towards the blue horizon again. "If I'm being honest? First of all, Miku seems to be inventing a lot of her troubles, she tends to overreact when something bad happends. And second, I've been busting my ass trying to help her before, but I don't think any of us can resolve her problems for her."
"That doesn't mean we can't be there for her when she needs us."
"But does she really need us? I'm not so sure."
Kaito was running out of patience; he didn't like her tone. "I don't understand why we're even having this conversation. You don't need to be upset about anything."
"It seems you don't understand a lot of things," she simply replied, still refusing to look directly at him. He wanted to ask what she meant by that, but suddenly couldn't open his mouth. They walked a few steps in awkward silence.
"I'm sorry," Luka finally said. "It's just... I thought we established that you wanted to get her out of your head. I've been spending basically all my free time with you to help you forget, and in the end, you still choose her over me just because she's going through another one of her little crises?"
"That's really unfair of you, you know? I don't put my hypothetical feelings in first place." Kaito softly, but firmly placed his hand on her shoulder, forcing her to stop and turn her eyes towards him. "I honestly care that she's not feeling good simply becuase she doesn't deserve that. Nobody does, and like I said, I'd travel all that distance all the same for you if I knew I could help you out."
Luka was looking at him for two seconds and then slowly wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry, I'm an asshole," she said when he hugged her back.
"No, you're not."
"I just don't want you to leave like this," she confessed, pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I guess I was... counting on us staying together for the rest of the vacation. You caught me off guard."
"Why don't you come with me then?" Kaito thought suddenly. "Two friends are better than one."
"Can't. I have that theater with mom tomorrow."
"Oh, right. I forgot." The two of them started walking again, but in a lighter atmosphere than before. "But you can come see us then, right? I mean, we'll only have two or three days of vacation left by then anyway."
"I guess I could," Luka smiled faintly. "You know, you still haven't told me what your plan with Miku is. You arrive in the studio, and then what?"
"I don't know. But think about it: she's basically trapped in there all by herself, except for a bunch of adults who have to work all day. She never told me why she didn't go to visit her family, but I'm guessing there's something bad going on, and Miku is feeling lonely because of it. I'd say she'll apreciate some company, don't you think?"
"Yeah. And then there's that thing with Meiko asking what the hell is wrong with her."
"By the way, I know Miku can be a little dramatic sometimes," Kaito said. "But that's all the more of a reason to show her that we stand by her."
"Hmph," Luka replied.
He had plenty of time to think about her attitude on the train in the evening. She didn't make it in any way easier for him to leave her behind, but he still thought Miku needed him more. What puzzled him was if Luka really meant what she said -that Miku was full of crap, or rather that she was expecting others to pull her out of the mud rather than trying to work her way up herself. And if this really was the case, maybe Luka was doing the good thing when she ignored her problems; but Kaito didn't have the stomach to do the same. That was why he was on that train, anyway.
Finally, with a sports bag worth of spare clothes in his hand and with a slightly enhanced heartbeat, he walked through the entrance to the studio area, crossed the yard and entered the door from which jovial voiced could be heard.
Reaper noticed him first. He was standing in the hallway talking to a guy that Kaito hasn't seen before; it was probably a studio employee.
"Oh, hey, dude!" said the sound engineer and briefly shook his hand. Kaito liked him; unlike some other crew members, Reaper has always been rather laid back and spoke with him on an equal level. The fact that he called him "dude" instead of "sir" was among the small things the singer appreciated.
"What's up, man?" he replied with a grin. His voice lured Meiko in from an adjacent room and into his arms. Soon, he found himself standing in the conference room among a bunch of his co-workers and a lot of alcohol. Miku wasn't there, though.
"Oh, before I forget," Meiko said and handed him a key. "You're staying in room 6. First floor, on the left, at the very back. It's right next to Miku."
"Thanks," he said and took the key. "I'll just drop my things there and I'll come back down. And I should probably tell Miku I'm here, too. Is she in her room?"
"Yup. I haven't told her you're coming, by the way," she told him with a wink.
"Gee, thanks a lot. She doesn't like surprises," Kaito smirked. "I'll be right back."
He walked up the stairs, found room number 6, unlocked it, walked in and threw his bag on one of the three beds inside, following it with his jacket. Then, he left the room again and slowly went over to door number 5, giving it a soft knock.
"Come in," Miku responded. Kaito's heart jumped a bit, and he entered.
The room was almost identical to his, with light walls, three beds and a single sports bag lying on one of them, even though this one was open and stuff was pouring out of it onto the bed sheet. On another of the beds, wearing only a pair of gray sweat pants and a tight black tanktop, Miku was lying on her back, just turning her gaze towards him from the ceiling. There was just one lamp lit on the night stand behind her, making it a little more difficult to see her face.
"Hi," he simply told her.
"Kaito?" she said with confusion and sat up. "What are you- when did you get here?"
"Just a few minutes ago. I just wanted to say 'hi' before I-"
Kaito didn't get to the end of that sentence, because Miku stood up, took two quick steps towards him and flung her arms around his neck. He immediately clenched her back and closed his eyes.
"I missed you so much," Miku confessed quietly.
"I missed you too."
They stood there like that for a long while, and yet to Kaito, it's been just a second.
"Will you stay here with me?" she finally asked when she stepped back and gave him a light smile. "Just a little longer?"
"Of course! But don't you wanna go downstairs with the others?"
Miku sat down back on her bed, and he sat next to her.
"I don't know. I did that two days ago and it didn't end well."
"How come?"
"Let's not talk about that. What have you been up to?"
Kaito then told her a brief summary of how he was spending his time on the Vocaloid break so far, and Miku in return told him how life's been for her during that time. It turned out she didn't have much to talk about; she was mostly on her own, either walking around the city, practising, or plainly trying to kill some time.
"I'm glad you're here," she concluded. "I thought I could do this by myself, but... I couldn't."
"You shouldn't have thought that in the first place, you know."
"It..." she sighed. "It sucks. I want to try to be the good person and just leave you all alone... I feel so selfish that I need other people around me."
"You're silly," he said and placed his arm around her waist; she leaned on him. "I'm here for you all the way and I'm doing that because I want to. You don't have to feel guilty about anything."
"I don't know if I even deserve someone like you," Miku replied and looked at him.
Kaito wanted to say something in response, but made the mistake of looking into her eyes.
Before he knew it, they kissed; and once they started, they couldn't stop. Something else took control of his actions, something he hadn't felt before, something that at the same time scared him and filled him with anticipation. He ferociously attacked Miku's lips, and soon, they were all over each other.
"Wait..." she breathed out. "Can you switch off the light, please?"
Kaito looked up, reached out to the lamp and pressed the switch. The room succumbed into darkness, and he could only hear his heart beating rapidly -that, and a tank top being taken off.
