Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. All characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
The smart thing isn't always the right thing. Why were his old man's words ringing in his mind, now of all times? As Shikamaru navigated a building he was not familiar with, he recalled an incident in which his dad came home extra late with the smell of alcohol on his clothing. His mother, Yoshino, presumed Shikaku had been drinking and ripped into him. Shikamaru was tiny back then, but he listened in nosily from the kitchen.
After she said her portion, Yoshino demanded Shikaku apologize to their son. The husband obliged. Entering the kitchen to a half-eaten cake and seven candles scattered across the table, he apologized to Shikamaru for having missed his birthday dinner. The son shrugged, not seeing the big deal. All he knew was his mother was fuming.
Years later, the father would explain to his son that he was meeting Choza and Inoichi at a bar before his birthday dinner. Though Shikaku declined to drink that night, they were all so excited that their kids finally entered the Academy, they didn't even notice a very wanted enemy shinobi sitting at the far end of the bar.
Shikaku was just about to excuse himself to leave for home when he finally recognized the fellow in disguise from his Bingo Book; he signaled to his comrades before they pounced. The Ino-Shika-Cho trio managed to subdue the enemy, drag him to detainment, and file a full report on the incident. Alas, Shikaku walked away from the encounter with alcohol tossed all over his jacket and very, very late to his son's dinner. He didn't even bother telling Yoshino what happened.
Why not? A fifteen-year-old Shikamaru asked. I didn't care too much either way. But you should have explained that to mom. Shikaku laughed over his morning tea.
You don't get it? Maybe that was the "smart" thing to do. But I still messed up. And she had every right to be angry. I was never supposed to be at the bar so close to your dinner. I should have been home with you two.
The son slumped his shoulders. Over the years, he'd grown accustomed to his father's way of nodding and smiling at anything his mother said; Shikaku was a natural evader of conflict in the Nara household. Consequently, whenever he found room in his schedule to slip out for a drink with pals, time seemed to run away from him. Underneath Shikamaru's unaffected disposition, his parents' dynamic soured the vision he had for his own future. If this was married life then maybe he could do without.
And he still didn't get what the big deal was. Why did women get so angry at little things? And when would doing the smart thing still make him wrong? The adult world was too illogical and nauseating to concern himself with.
But as an adult, running after his soon-to-be wife in a completely different village, Shikamaru started to realize what his dad meant.
Shikamaru discovered Temari lounging on the ledge of an outside balcony with her hands resting behind her neck. As he stepped out into the dry night air, she looked as if she wasn't geared to rip someone's head off as she was just minutes ago. Her eyes were closed. Her face was oddly reposed. Unreadable.
"Found you," he said. She didn't answer. He moved to the opposite side of the balcony and leaned against the bars, giving her just enough space.
"I'm sorry. About tonight. I...I was going to stay out of it, really, that was my plan."
She tapped her foot on the ledge sporadically. More, he needed more.
"I shouldn't have turned my Shadow Possession on you. I was completely wrong for that. I shouldn't have stopped you."
She still refused to offer a response or even acknowledge he was there. He was reminded briefly of their first battle, how shocked she was that he had trapped her in his shadow, and even more bewildered that he would then simply let her go and forfeit. What was the point of all that? If he didn't want to be a Chūnin, why not resign from the process earlier? At least, that's what her expression implied. As they returned to the competitor's area to make way for the next battle, she refused to give him the time of day.
She must think I'm a pathetic worm, he thought back then. But he had his reasons, as oddly concocted as they were, just like now.
"I didn't want to see you do something you'd regret, okay? Especially on your first night back home. But still...I'm really sorry. It was stupid of me to intervene like that." He lowered his head, his regret imposing extra gravity. The desert air felt stale and stiff on his face. Just then, a large sand cloud drifted slowly past the moon.
"It was stupid of you," she said.
He raised his head. Her face remained deceptively neutral and she didn't bother to open her eyes.
"Yeah, it was. You'd think I know better by now."
"Don't do it again. Do not pick my battles for me." Though her demeanor was tricky to interpret, it was evident her anger wasn't completely directed at him. He was relieved a bit but understood he wasn't off-the-hook yet. Shikamaru accepted the subsequent silence that befell them as necessary while the last of the sand cloud passed over the milky crescent.
"He said I betrayed my village," Temari said suddenly. Shikamaru heaved a deep sigh.
"I heard him."
"I have never betrayed my village. Not once. I fought in a war to protect this place. I followed every mission I was ever given."
"I know."
"Even when I thought it was stupid. Or wrong. Or would hurt allies. I still served my village." She now had one eye peeked open, overlooking the sunken landscape. Her mouth was pulled in a taut line.
The Leaf shinobi followed her gaze over Sunagakure. Was she recalling the time she and her siblings had conspired against Konoha? Perhaps. One night, she confessed how guilty she felt about the whole ordeal. Tucked in his arms, she bit back tears. She never wanted to participate, even as Baki-Sensei explained why their village was counting on them. Starting wars under the guise of taking an exam? It didn't sit well with her. In fact, her goal was to become a Chūnin that year which the ulterior mission jeopardized. Nonetheless, she did her duty.
Leaning into the landscape, Shikamaru replied, "I don't think this is about betrayal, Temari."
She broke and finally looked his way. "Shikamaru."
"No one can say you're disloyal to your village when you're always working so hard to protect it. Anyone can see how much you love this place." He took a deep breath and continued. "I think Tojuro's game is bigger. He had other reasons for trying to provoke you like that."
At once cool and unaffected, Temari reddened, recalling her prior anger.
"Yeah. That bastard is jealous of my brother and wants control over this village, by any means." But there was more to it than that. She hopped back onto the balcony so that they were now eye-level. Did she want to express all this to Shikamaru on his first day as a guest in her home? She took several breaths of the thick desert air.
"The truth is there are a lot of "rules" about the Kazekage Clan. It's not just a noble family." She began to struggle for the right words. "Our lineage is...carefully assembled. We take partners after thorough selection. This is so we breed strong children with particular jutsus and skills. The Council is very picky about who enters the Clan."
Shikamaru nodded along, but her use of words like "selection" and "breed" discomforted him. Even by his standards, they seemed too frigid and technical to refer to something like a family.
She continued. "The Fourth Kazekage came from a long line of strong sand manipulators. Gaara inherited that much from Rasa." The name of that dreaded man produced a slight wince from her.
"And then there's my mother, Karura. She wasn't a shinobi, but her brother Yashamaru was. They came from a family of great Wind Release users. Not to mention, their chakra control was impeccable. Apparently, she was selected by the Council to marry Rasa."
Shikamaru blinked. "Really? I never knew." At this, she crossed her arms.
"I didn't know for some time either." Was she revealing too much now? That meditative silence from before washed over them once more.
If she ended the conversation there, proposed they both pack up and return to the Leaf, she could pretend tonight never happened. He'd play along; the trip back would be a silent one. This would mean she was moving forward with their wedding plans without any involvement from her people. And if they thought she was a traitor now, they would definitely burn her image in the streets then. No doubt, her brothers would do all they could to defend her name. But public opinion might shift against them as well for doing so. And after all the work Gaara put into restoring trust and goodwill in the Sand...Temari wanted to scream. This was not how things were supposed to unfold.
Despite all this, she had her own feelings to think about. Her brothers were adults now; they didn't need her holding their hand at every turn. Alas, before the last few months, she seldom considered what it was she wanted outside of protecting their interests. What did she want? The question burned her insides. If she didn't have to please anyone? Her stomach flipped. If she could choose a path without forsaking her lifelong identity as a shinobi, which path would she choose? There was no simple answer.
"I just want to do things differently!" Her words tumbled out before she could regulate them. "You know? I don't want the Seniors telling me what to do. And...I really don't want to raise a kid here. I know that sounds terrible—like I'm disowning my own home or something. But it's the truth." She turned away, embarrassed by her own vulnerability. Though they were alone, she feared someone might jump out to scorn her as if she were five-years-old.
Shikamaru approached her slowly. "If that's your reasoning then I don't think that makes you a bad person. Or disloyal." He placed a hand on her elbow. "Actually, I'm kinda surprised you've been holding all this in. I never would've guessed."
She scrunched her nose indignantly. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," he said coyly. "Just...this is the first time you've talked about family, outside of your brothers. Or kids of your own. And after tonight, well, I get why that is." At this, Temari softened. He pulled her closer.
"You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to do things differently than your parents did," Shikamaru said.
"I know."
"If you know then forget all that stuff about betrayal. Don't let it get to you."
"Sure."
"And the next time you see him," he leaned into her face. "Promise not to kill him."
"That's a tall promise."
"Promise?"
"Whatever."
Temari's curt reply couldn't hide the fact that she was now grinning, head buried in Shikamaru's chest. His black kimono smelled faintly of smoldered cigarettes, but when he had time to smoke amidst everything, she did not know. He held her for a while, letting the desert wind claw at his skin. His irritation was outweighed by those few minutes of reconciliation. Thankfully, he hadn't fumbled completely that night. He even got to know a side of his partner she didn't display often.
He suggested they return inside to which she agreed. She walked him back to his room on a particularly long route, not wanting to part ways yet.
"So what happened after I left?" she asked.
"Huh? Oh, nothing." Shikamaru was deflecting.
"You're deflecting."
Damn it, he thought. He couldn't tell her what the Councilman said to him, it would upset her all over again. Or maybe he was the one who was overwhelmed by his accusations.
I guess that wasn't part of your strategy, Tojuro had quipped. Just as the notion that Temari was being disloyal deeply bothered her, the idea that Shikamaru was using Temari for some larger strategy made him literally nauseous.
It was like Asuma once told him over a game of Shogi the jōnin was clearly losing. A lie that could be true is a very powerful weapon, he said cryptically as a young Shikamaru took the man's last game piece. Well, Tojuro's claims weren't true; no way would he ever use Temari like she was some game piece. He yearned to tell the Councilman off and disprove his accusations, but he was not as bold as his partner, and doing so would play right into the elder's games.
"Kankuro and Gaara are handling it," he said simply.
"I should've been the one to handle it," Temari grumbled, but ultimately accepted his answer.
She hoped the Councilman wasn't expecting an apology, either. Not after he had baited her to that point all evening. Perhaps, that was his goal: confront her away from the rest of the Seniors, provoke an outburst from her, and drive a wedge between her and Shikamaru. If so, it almost worked. Still, he was crafty and possessed influence over his peers. Tonight could've been his reminder of that fact.
For what it was worth, she never would've lost her cool with a Senior before that night. Maybe she had changed a little since coming home. Those several months in Konoha had dissociated her from a lot of habits she was accustomed to. In the Leaf, no one called her 'Lady'. The first time she was passing through the village alone and heard Choji and Ino call her name, without any title, she was startled. She wasn't used to such friendly interaction, the type where you'd walk up to a familiar face on the street and start chatting. Boy, did those two love to chat! Everyone in her own village would address her with the utmost deference, or else, they wouldn't dare speak to her at all. And the fact that the two had approached her on an occasion when she wasn't with their good friend and teammate...it seemed unreal.
Maybe she had forgotten her manners with Tojuro. But she couldn't help it. Upon meeting Yoshino Nara for the first time, she told Temari to address her by her first name. The forwardness of it caught Temari off-guard, but she soon found it easier connecting with the widow this way. And during her ambassador meetings, Kakashi was always so casual about etiquette, never bullying others with his titles or status. But now she had to remember where she was. She couldn't call out her elders like she would an opponent, even when they were undeniably wrong.
Shikamaru shivered. "Sure is drafty. Not what I'd expect in the desert."
"It can get pretty cool at night when the sun's not out."
"Ah."
As they approached the guest-chamber wing, something still bugged Shikamaru. Though he was reluctant to inquire about it at this hour. He had already gotten in trouble once that night for thinking he was smarter than the situation. Perhaps, it was wiser to quit while she was in better spirits. They arrived at his door.
"This is where I leave you," she said exasperatedly. "Unless you have room for one more?"
Shikamaru stepped back, hands raised. "Please, ma'am. I have a wife."
"That's me, idiot." She lightly tousled his shoulder, making him smile. Maybe this was a good time to bring up the topic.
"You know," he labored carefully over his words. "Tonight is the first time you mentioned your mom to me...ever." Temari blinked.
"So, what about it?"
"Well, I just thought it was interesting."
"Okay, and?"
"Do you remember her?" He prepared for her to go on defense. Instead, she appeared rather pensive like she was stuck between two answers on a test.
Finally, she replied, "No, I don't. I was very young when she died." Again, that deceptively calm expression from earlier returned to her.
"Oh...do you miss her? Even a little?"
"You can't miss someone you don't remember," she said simply.
