A/N: Dr. Brennan is ABSOLUTELY autistic, and as an autistic writer who hyperfixates on BONES, I feel obligated to write a fic where Brennan experiences sensory overload, because anything like that isn't really shown in the show. That being said, I am only one autistic person and I do not mean to characterize Dr. Brennan in any ways that would be offensive or distasteful or anything. Trigger warning for sensory overload and autistic shutdown!
Do I have other fics I should be finishing? Absolutely. But anyway, here's this oneshot! Hope y'all enjoy!
Earlier in the week, Dr. Brennan had been called to a crime scene in the middle of the Appalachian mountains where a group of hikers had found a body. Local police ruled it a suicide, but upon further examination Dr. Brennan had noted that a good number of the fractures to the dead man's skeleton had not occurred post-mortem, meaning that he likely did not kill himself. The body had been transported to the Jeffersonian two days later, where Brennan and Hodgins were currently examining it on the Forensics Platform.
"Hodgins, I'll need you to check the remainder of the victim's clothes for particulates." Dr Brennan motioned to the shreds of clothes clinging to the decomposed body of a deceased male, aged thirty to forty, with fractures on his scull and thoraxic region that meant he had fallen (or had been tossed) from a fairly high height shortly after his death.
"Right on it, boss."
Hodgins picked up a petri dish, cutting off some samples and placing them inside before taking a moment to study the body once more.
"You know, the whole dying-before-falling-off-a-mountain is pretty sketchy. I wouldn't be surprised if we unearthed some sort of secret government testing base or something. I mean, he could've died due to a botched government experiment; the big guys in charge order their lackeys to destroy the evidence… which they did a pretty mediocre job with..."
He grinned and looked over to Dr. Brennen, expecting her to quip back at him by explaining why this man was very likely not a part of a secret government testing base- but she kept examining the body, not acknowledging anything he'd said. Which was odd, but not out of the ordinary. Dr. Brennan had days where she barely spoke to anyone on the Forensics Unit. Everyone on the Unit had their quirks, and no one had any problem accommodating when one of them needed it.
Hodgins just nodded, continuing the rest of the conversation with himself.
"…And I'll say exactly what you're probably thinking, which is not to let my conspiracy theories influence my work... so I'll go get on those samples." He smiled, turned and walked off, swiping himself out of the Forensics Platform as he went.
Dr. Brennan flinched at the small beep the Platform's security system made when Hodgins left, trying her best to focus on the work in front of her. She knew that she could only do so much work before Cam performed the autopsy, only after which she would clean the bones, but she knew that if she didn't examine the body before the autopsy that she could miss out on distinct details that would certainly assist her in analyzing the cleaned bones.
She had cataloged most of the evidence she had found- striations on the wrists and ankles that meant he had been bound for a substantial time before death, marks where animals had likely gotten to the body, and various smaller details that she would use in her analysis of the bones later.
As she'd kept working, the noise on the floor seemed to grow louder. On a normal day, the little noises around the Forensics Unit were bearable; the buzz of the lights, the unintelligible conversations of her colleagues, the doors opening and closing, the keyboards clicking. She recognized all these noises, she knew all the noises and a part of her felt at home because the collective background chatter was just a part of the Jeffersonian.
But today, the noises were too loud. The lights were too bright. No matter how much she tried to push herself to focus, she found herself staring at the same section of the body without noticing any new details (or any details at all). She was afraid to touch anything because her hands felt too clumsy; and the last thing she wanted to do was compromise the evidence. Everything felt wrong, and there was nothing she could do about it. She rubbed her hands together, tapped her toes against the inside of her shoes, trying her best to make herself feel less like she wanted to scream. It didn't help matters that she'd gotten less sleep than usual last night, or that she'd run into roadwork twice this week on her commute to work. All in all, she knew she could've predicted this happening; but it had been so long since she'd gotten overwhelmed like this, and she hated to admit that she could get this upset over simple noises and lights.
She wanted to run out of the Jeffersonian, to go back to her house and crawl into her bed and get away from all the sensory input that her brain just wasn't managing to process. But she also wanted to finish working, and she knew that she couldn't leave the Jeffersonian without taking the necessary measures to ensure she wasn't creating a biohazard. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to give herself a break from the near-blinding fluorescent lights above her.
Take off the gloves. Throw the gloves away. Wash your hands. Dry them. Report your findings to Cam and let her know she can proceed with the autopsy. Brief Zach on your findings.
"Alright, Bones. What've we got?"
Brennan's eyes shot open as her thoughts were interrupted by Booth swiping himself into the Forensics Platform, walking up to her and invading her workspace.
She normally loved talking with Booth. She liked relaying her findings to him, liked how little he understood about Forensics, liked how he called her "Bones." But the security system made too much noise, Booth made too much noise, and talking to Booth was something she didn't want to do today. She didn't want to talk to anyone today, but as she glanced around the floor she realized that there was nothing and no one she could use as an excuse to get away from talking to Booth.
Taking a breath, she repeated exactly what she'd written out in her initial case file notes.
"Hispanic male, age thirty to forty, blunt force trauma to head, neck, and extremities that occurred post-mortem, but evidence of possible torture prior to death."
"So, not a suicide."
"Not a suicide." She repeated, beginning to take off her gloves.
"I'm sending the body to Cam for autopsy now."
"Okay." Booth nodded, feeling slightly as if Brennan was going out of her way to not look at him. He shifted his weight, glancing momentarily at the decomposing body in front of him as Brennan continued to wrap up her work.
Wash your hands. Dry them. Finalize your report. Report your findings to Cam. Brief Zach on your findings. Text Angela.
"Uh, so… I'm waiting to hear back from the State department regarding clearance, but once we get the okay we can start canvassing the area to look for anything else that can point us to whoever threw this dead guy off the mountain."
"Okay." Brennan nodded, momentarily meeting Booth's gaze before turning back to finish the last of her reports on the computer.
Booth stood there for a moment, trying to figure out why Brennan was acting so distant towards him. That is, more distant than usual- which was something that he hadn't been able to imagine until witnessing it. A part of him worried he had done something to offend her, but he couldn't figure out what.
"Yeah, right... So… I...I'm gonna go." He gestured to the door, and Brennan nodded and gave him a cursory wave; looking up from the computer momentarily before turning back to her work. She heard him leave, and she knew that she would have to clarify with him later to make sure she hadn't offended him by not speaking.
But in the meantime, she needed to get back to her office. She needed to get away from the lights, from the noise, from everything.
Finalize your report. Report your findings to Cam. Text Angela. Text Angela. Text Angela.
She took a breath, every inch of her wanting to crawl into a closet and hide from the Jeffersonian. She saved her work on the computer, sent it to Cam, swiped herself out of the Forensics Platform and somehow managed to walk to her office; closing the glass door behind her.
Her entire body felt like it was moving on autopilot, and she felt exhausted as she practically collapsed into her desk chair. She dropped her head into her hands, squeezing her eyes shut and clumsily trying to block out the noise by pressing her thumbs over her ears. Today was not a good day.
She sat like that for a while, gathering up enough energy to pull out her phone and send off a short series of texts.
Angela
Office
Please
When she got the texts, Angela saved her work to her computer and practically sprinted to Dr. Brennen's office. She and Brennan had an understanding- if Angela ever called her in the middle of the night, Brennan would always pick up; and if Brennan ever texted her asking for her help (which hardly ever happened), Angela would drop everything for her.
Brennan had babysat Drunk Angela more times than Angela herself could remember, so she felt like it was only fair that she do everything she could to help Brennan when she needed her. As transparent as Brennen was about a lot of things, one thing she didn't do was ask for help or communicate her needs to anyone but Angela. And Angela didn't mind, because Brennan was the best friend she could ever ask for.
She pushed open the door to Brennan's office, finding her in the corner; head in her hands, elbows on her desk. The lights and computers were off, and there was nothing there to indicate that Brennan was there and/or available to talk. There was research laid out on the table by the couch, but it sat untouched.
"Hey, Sweetie." Angela crossed the room and sat down across from Brennan, moving as quietly and gently as she could.
Brennan gave a small nod, acknowledging Angela but not able to do much more besides that. Talking was nearly impossible; but she trusted Angela to understand that, and understand she did.
Angela placed a hand gently on Brennan's shoulder, not wanting to cause her any more distress than she was already feeling.
"Bad day, huh?"
Not receiving a response, Angela looked around the office.
"Okay, your lights are off… door's closed… I can go and brief everyone and tell them you're taking a personal day. Not that you should really waste one of your personal days dealing with this, but that's certainly easier to explain."
Brennan could hear the smile in Angela's voice, and she nodded again; eventually bringing her head up and slowly leaning back in her chair; hugging her arms tightly around herself. She couldn't make eye contact with Angela, couldn't really think of even getting up from her desk- and she could still hear the muffled noises of the Forensics Unit. But the lights weren't as bright, the noises weren't as loud, and she knew that Angela wouldn't need her to talk about anything- which was a comfort.
"Do you need anything? We'll go through the list, okay?" Angela rummaged through the lower right-hand drawer of the desk.
"Headphones?"
After a bit of a pause, and Brennan shook her head.
"Rubix Cube?"
No.
"Essential Oil."
No.
"iPod?"
No.
"Human Anatomy textbook… this is in your sensory kit? I think my brain would shut down reading one page of this."
Angela grinned, looking up at Brennan for her response; who shook her head again.
"Well, that's about all of the kit… Oh! Your weighted blanket."
A pause. Angela already began walking over to the closet across from the desk. Based on what she knew of Brennan, she knew that deep pressure was something that helped immensely when she was dealing with a shutdown- and she knew that Brennan would probably appreciate her not asking any more questions.
Bringing the blanket back from the closet, she stopped in front of the desk.
"I'm going to put this on you, and then I'm going to go brief the others really quick. Then I'll be back, okay?"
Brennan gave a small nod in response, leaning forward and Angela draped the blanket around her shoulders. Squeezing her eyes shut, she leaned back in the chair and pulled the blanket around herself as Angela left.
She walked into the lab where Zach and Hodgins were testing pieces of clothing for various particulates and analyzing the soil and bugs collected at the site.
"Hey guys."
Hodgins' eyes lit up when he saw her, and she raised her eyebrows and stifled a grin.
"Okay, so Brennan is taking a personal day today. That means no asking her for anything, no going to her office; as far as you're concerned, she's not here."
"But how can she take a personal day if the day is more than halfway over?" Zach pitched in from behind his microscope.
"Will she be taking the other half of her personal day tomorrow morning?"
Angela's brows furrowed.
"No… I don't think so? It doesn't matter. Point is, Brennan isn't available for the rest of today. Okay?"
"Okay." Zach and Hodgins both nodded.
After briefing Cam, Angela was heading back to Brennan's office with coffee when she spotted Booth talking to one of the Squinterns.
"Oh! Booth!" She did her best to get his attention with two full cups of coffee, and mercifully he came over before she had to wave her arms around too much.
"Hey Angela, what's up?"
"I don't know if you heard, but Brennan's taking a personal day."
His eyebrows raised in surprise, and Angela clarified.
"It's fine. She's fine. She's just taking a day off, so don't try to contact her or anything. Alright?"
Booth blinked.
"A day off? That's not like her…"
"Booth, you know I love you…so much, but I think I know Brennan better than you do."
Booth took a moment before he nodded, concern evident in his face.
"Right…Ah…Did she… Did I say anything that-"
"Oh, Sweetie, no." Angela shook her head.
"No. I don't know what she said to you, but I'm sure you didn't do anything. You were probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I mean, you know Brennan."
Booth looked at her, clearly confused and not as convinced as she hoped he would be.
Angela blinked.
"Okay. Well… as her best friend, I can say with certainty that Brennan would hate it if she did anything to make you think that she was upset with you. She's crazy about you, Booth. Just, ask her yourself about it later, okay? I'm sure she'd be more than happy to explain."
"Yeah, okay." Booth nodded, looking less worried.
"Okay!" Angela nodded, turning around and walking back towards Brennan's office with her coffees.
A couple hours passed, and Angela lounged in a chair she'd pulled up across from Brennan's desk. Several empty paper coffee cups sat on the desktop, as well as an unsolved Rubix cube and a tin of putty.
Brennan kept her weighted blanket draped across her lap, and was currently nursing her third cup of Green tea.
Finishing some lineart she'd started half an hour prior, Angela looked up from her sketchbook; balancing her pen between two fingers.
"How are you feeling, Sweetie?"
Brennan looked over at Angela, meeting her gaze for a moment before looking away; brows furrowed.
"…I'm…I'm feeling better."
She put down her tea, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders.
"I'm also feeling a little stupid, even though I know that logically there's nothing wrong with having a psychosomatic reaction to sensory overload."
"Oh, Sweetie. Of course there's nothing wrong with that. Your brain just works a little differently, that's all."
"I used to consider that fact to be an asset to my career." Brennan muttered, picking up the Rubix cube and beginning to twist it irritably.
"Now I'm not so sure about that."
"Hon, give yourself some credit. You've been dealing with this stuff your whole life all by yourself. You haven't had an episode this bad since that trip we took to Vegas-"
"That's incorrect."
"What?"
Brennan cocked her head to one side, still twisting the Rubix cube, eyes trained on the desktop.
"I…I had a shutdown three months after I started here, before you were hired. Zach had called out sick, and I was supposed to identify a dozen unnamed military remains from the Smithsonian by the end of the week. I came into work, and… I couldn't handle it. I ended up spending two hours hiding in the Bone storage room because the lights made me feel like I was going to throw up."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to worry." Brennan sighed, adjusting the blanket slightly.
"And, I figured I could handle it myself. I was wrong."
Angela took a breath, putting down her sketchbook and looking at Brennan softly.
"No, Sweetie, you weren't. You don't actually need me to help you through this stuff. You became very self-sufficient at a very young age because you had to, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve someone to be there for you when you're having a rough day, alright? I love your guts, and I'd be damned if I didn't drop everything to come help you every your brain needs some time to…do whatever it is your brain does during one of your shutdowns."
Brennan nodded.
"I understand. You feel an obligation to assist me because you see yourself as a surrogate family member to me..." She looked up to make eye contact with Angela.
"I'm very grateful to have you in my life."
Angela grinned.
"I love you too, Bren."
The following morning, Dr. Brennan was back to work. Hodgins and Zach had worked on identifying the body- and after reviewing their findings the team was back to functioning at full capacity. Zach had cleaned the bones after Cam had performed the autopsy, and Brennan was currently re-assembling the skeleton when there was a knock at the door.
She looked up from her work, finding Booth standing in the doorway.
"Hi Booth. Do you need something, or did you just come here to bother me?" She cracked a smile, but felt her stomach twist when Booth didn't reciprocate.
"I-I meant that in jest."
She turned back to work as Booth walked up to the light-table.
"I know, Bones… Uh, you seem better."
"Yes, I wasn't at my top functioning capacity the other day but I am indeed feeling much better." She remembered the conversation Angela had told her that she'd had with Booth, and she put down the bones she was currently arranging.
"I hope I didn't offend you by not reciprocating your conversation yesterday."
"No, of course not, Bones." Booth shifted his weight.
"It's just, well, you seemed a little off and I wasn't sure if I might've done something-"
"I can assure you that you did nothing to offend me in any way." Brennan stated, her eyes meeting his.
"I just, I wasn't having a great day yesterday. That's all."
"Well, if you ever want to talk about it-"
"Talking is pointless. I had a bad day yesterday, and now I'm fine."
"Well yeah, it's just that most people talk about what's bothering them and it helps them feel better."
"I am not most people."
Booth sighed.
"Yeah, I know."
After a moment, Brennan spoke.
"If anything, talking about it in that situation would have made it much worse," She added.
"My brain occasionally gets overwhelmed with the amount of sensory input it has to process in a day, and when that happens it needs to shut down for a time to re-configure itself. During that time, talking or having conversations with people can be extremely overwhelming- which is why I didn't have much of a conversation with you yesterday. I apologize if you needed to talk to me, but I am more than capable of conversing with you today."
Booth took a moment to process what Brennan had said, before nodding slowly.
"Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense Bones… Does the rest of the team-"
"They are aware that I occasionally require time to isolate myself when my brain gets too overwhelmed, yes."
Booth nodded, mulling over his thoughts for a moment.
Brennan, feeling like she had nothing more to contribute to the conversation, began reassembling the skeleton once again. She could feel Booth's eyes on her, and she didn't like it.
"I told you all this because I wanted to explain why I was behaving differently yesterday." She stated.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't form any assumptions or judgements towards me based on it"
"Oh, no, of course Bones. I just, I- I'm taking some time to process this new information, that's all." Booth assured her, crossing the room to her.
"And I'm really proud that you trust me enough to talk about this with me."
Brennan looked at him.
"It's not personal, Booth. Most of the team knows-"
"I know. But I'm still glad that you shared it with me, alright? It ah, it means a lot."
"Well then, you're welcome." Brennan smiled.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to reassembling this skeleton."
"Right. Of course." Booth tapped the edge of the light table, flashing a smile at her before he turned on his heels and walked out of the room.
Brennan grinned, bouncing a few times on the balls of her feet before she resumed her work on the victim's skeleton.
