Welcome to a fresh hell of nonsense.
This is some non-canon, recursive fanfiction stuff based on my other work, Girls' Frontline: Field Agent. If you haven't read that, these won't make much sense.
This is what happens when I'm bored or whenever my Beta is bored. We brainstorm some stupid. Here's our stupid dumped onto a page for your… enjoyment? A lot of these can be traced back to memes and 4koma.
Also, going by the multiverse theory, there's a much more assertive version of Hadwin somewhere that has a jaw thicker than my forearm. This manlier, maybe slightly less likeable version of Hadwin has been dubbed "Chadwin". He'll be introduced in omake 2.
Beta reader notes: Fair warning before reading:
There'll most likely be plenty of dirty jokes and other references in this Omake series, probably actual smut if the author feels like it.
YOU'VE. BEEN. WARNED.
Have fun~
Omake #1: UMI DAAAAAA
Setting: Chapter 7, AR team "date"
MC: Hadwin (Classic)
"IT'S THE BEACH!" Sop cheers, jumping into the air.
"Calm down." RO sighs as several of the beach goers around us look at us in confusion.
And, why wouldn't they?
It's March. The wind bites through jackets, and everyone is bundled up to enjoy standing by the water, not go swimming.
Everyone but four dolls and one very, very cold human.
I told them that swimsuits would be a bad idea, but they ignored me and told me that they needed to spend some time waterproofing themselves.
After that was done, we drove right on down to the beach. I don't even know where they hell they got their swimsuits, but they all have one.
M4A1 is wearing a grey one piece, the ridges in it making it look almost like a sweater. 15's wearing a pink set with ruffles on the top piece. Sop has a black sport tank top on along with what looks like a green pair of my swim trunks, and some sort of rubber sleeve covering her mechanical arm. RO's wearing a jacket, and nothing can be seen of her swim clothes.
I'm also wearing a jacket, because it's only twelve degrees outside. On Sop's insistence, I had thrown on a set of swim shorts, and the wind is making me shrivel up.
So yeah, we look ready for summer, which is still a few months away, and four pretty girls showing up on the beach in swimsuits is bound to attract attention. I pull my hood up in a vain attempt to hide my identity as every eye on the beach turns towards us as Sop continues to loudly yell about being at the beach.
A second after I put my hood up, RO follows suit. "This is embarrassing."
"No kidding." I grumble. "Next time I tell you guys 'it's cold out, let's just walk along the beach, maybe reign in Sop's enthusiasm."
"I tried."
"I know." I sigh. "She doesn't listen to anybody."
"Rose! Why are you still wearing the Jacket!" Sop appears in front of her teammate, hand darting out to undo the jacket. RO's just a tiny fraction of a second too late in dodging the hand, and her jacket is thrown open-
"Holy crap."
Now, normally, RO wears baggy and frumpy clothes. You can tell she's got a good figure under there, but…
She's wearing a bikini in white and orange, and despite being a somewhat normal size of swimsuit, it looks kind of small on her.
I don't even realize I'm staring until RO recovers and attempts to zip the jacket back up, only for it to get caught on her breasts. 15 grabs the collar of my jacket and yanks me around, and I realize a few groups of guys in the area are also staring.
Sop pouts as RO finally gets her zipper up over herself. "Aw, I think you look cute in that."
"That's not the issue, Artemis." RO growls. "The problem is that every person in sight was staring."
15 pokes me hard in the ribs. Ow. Yes, I know.
I turn to her. "You're cute too, don't worry."
"I- wha-" Her face flushes crimson. "S-shut up."
"Ooo! Me too! Am I cute?" Sop raises a hand to call attention to herself.
"You're certainly energetic." I respond.
"Huh? But, I wanted to be cute-"
"Aren't we here to swim?" M4 asks quietly. "I don't like all the stares, so I'd like to get this over with."
"Yeah, good idea." I point down the beach, around the dunes to the water. "Sop, lead on."
"Okay!" She cheers back up immediately and turns around to march us down to the water's edge, around the shallow dunes.
Again as we approach the water we draw stares. The water's probably in the single digits temperature wise, so nobody sane would be heading out there.
Sop immediately dashes right into the wake, water splashing around her ankles. "Wow! It's the sea!" She cries again. "I always wondered what it was like!"
M4 and 15 approach the water more cautiously, sticking to the area of the beach that the water doesn't quite reach at this level of the tide.
RO hangs back with me.
I shiver as another gust of wind blows off of the water, cutting right through my jacket.
"This is stupid." RO grumbles.
"No kidding." I echo her sentiment.
"I should've worn something that covers more." She sighs. "This always happens."
"...Huh?"
"Any time I go to the pool on base, or wear a dress, or wear anything even remotely form hugging, every single guy on base seems to show up just to stare. I realize I can't really swim in a sweater, but the stares wouldn't be so bad if I was wearing something simple and covering."
"I dunno." I glance down at her assets before catching myself. "You're pretty attractive, I don't think that would help much."
Her orange eye twitches. "I'm going to ask Persica for a new body. Maybe if I beg, she'll put me into a male frame."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"Eh, whatever." She sighs. "I'm used to it."
"Rose!" Sop calls. "Come on!"
RO looks at Sop, splashing about waist deep in the water. "I'm good."
"Roooooooose… come on!"
RO sighs. "Only for a few minutes." She grabs the zipper on her jacket and pauses. "Hadwin, hold my jacket for me?"
"Sure."
She pauses again as if psyching herself up. "Okay. Okay. It's just for a few minutes." She pulls the zipper down in one jerk and I look away to avoid staring.
She pushes the jacket into my hands and quickly steps towards the water, even as some of the nearest beach goers notice her. I also watch her as she heads down to the water.
Just to make sure she gets there safely, or something. I wasn't looking at her body. Nope.
Finally admitting to myself that I'm part of the problem, I turn away and start glaring at the random groups of people still gawking. I'll have to do something to make this up to poor RO.
However, that thought is pushed aside by four new arrivals. A quick scan and I focus on the only safe area, the one in the lead.
"What are you guys doing here?" I ask UMP 45, who's in the lead.
She shrugs, and I notice her mechanical arm is completely covered in what looks like a plastic poncho. "We were bored."
I look at 9, doing my best to focus on her face and not her bright yellow and red bikini.
She smiles. "Yeah, your house is boring. You don't even have any fun security systems to break into." Her smile warps into a smirk. "Also, 'speedsters' is a bad password."
"Wha- That's the password to my computer… How did you find that?!" I'm sure I never wrote it down.
UMP 45 sighs theatrically. "Best hacker doll in existence right here. Your computer stood no chance." She squints her eye and gives me an evil grin. "We also found your 'homework' folder."
"...Uh-"
"How do I look?" 416 calls my attention to her, and I reluctantly let my eyes wander her way.
"Very… lightly dressed." I eventually complete the sentence. "Please put more on."
"Oh." She looks down at herself. "I thought you'd like, it, since you had a picture of a woman wearing this on the computer."
"In your homework folder too. I didn't know ribbons could even be worn that way." UMP 45 contributes. "I'm pretty sure he likes it, 416. Why don't you grab his arm."
"NO!" I shout, before bringing my voice down to reasonable levels. "No, I'm good. Why don't you, um, find a towel and wrap yourself in it?"
416 looks confused, but reaches into a bag she has on her shoulder and pulls out a white towel.
G11 steps up and tugs on my sleeve. "Am I cute?" She's wearing an olive green, plain swimsuit. Thank god.
"I… yes, G11. You're cute." I pat her head. "Why don't you head down there where M4 and 15 are?"
"Okay." She slowly starts on her way towards the pair, eyes scanning the beach for something.
"How about me?"
Two somethings slam into my back as UMP 9 wraps her arms around me. "Tell me I'm cute too."
"You're certainly a pain in my ass." I grumble even as I feel my face turn red. "Let go." I start trying to pry her hands off of me, but she's got way too much strength.
"Come on, Hadwin! Admit I'm cute! I only have so much patience, and I want my family time!"
"You want what-"
"9, cut it out. We have something important to do."
Still held by 9, I turn my head to glare at 45. "What could you possibly need to do at the beach in March?!"
"Oh, you know." She grins. "Harassing other people seems like a nobel goal. Even out here, everyone still has some technology somewhere on them. A cell phone, a small camera… all so very vulnerable and ripe for fun."
"Uh-"
"Oh, see that couple? I'm going to fake a text from some other girl, and turn on his ringer."
"...Try to keep your evil to a minimum." I order her half-heartedly, before realizing that I have a good opportunity. Many of the guys who were staring at RO are now staring at 416, who's not quite figured out how to cover herself with a towel. "Actually, if you limit it to the guys staring at 416 or RO, I have no objections."
For the first time since I met her, her eye lights up in genuine glee.
She turns on the spot and starts walking up to the first group of guys, and I turn my attention to my resident limpet.
"9, get off."
"Nien!"
"I'll buy you a jacket."
"Prices have gone up. I want something else."
I sigh. "Yeah?"
"Yep. I want a nice dress."
"Uh huh." I take a few steps towards the water.
"It needs to be a dark umber, and have a V neck, and have ruffles on the bottom. Also, it needs to be relatively easy to move in."
"Uh huh." I repeat. Still moving.
"Oh! Let's see if we can get one that's backless! I noticed a lot of the women on your computer had backless dresses."
"Sure."
"I'd also like a million credits."
"Totally."
"And if you're not busy, grab the moon for me."
"Right."
"You're not listening."
"Not particularly." By this point I'm at the water's edge. "Hey, ARTEMIS!"
Sop looks up from where she is playing in the water with RO. "Yeah?"
"Water fight!" I call.
"Wait-!" RO yells, but Sop's already swinging her body around to shovel as much of the near-freezing water as she can in my direction.
I spin around before the impromptu wave can reach me, using the doll wrapped on my waist as a shield.
"AHHHHH!" 9 screams, finally letting go. "THAT'S COLD!"
I sprint up the beach away from the water to avoid Sop's second attack, leaving the yelling 9 to receive a second blast.
"What are you doing!" 416 roars, now with a towel wrapped around her waist. It's a start, I guess. "You Anti-Rain dogs-"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING DOGS?!" Sop yells.
G11 looks up at M4 and 15, and the three stare at each other for a few seconds before G11 jumps forwards into the water to splash water on their shins.
The stretch of beach in front of me rapidly devolves into a water fight the intensity of which I haven't seen before. T-dolls are crazy strong, and they don't seem to notice water resistance as they whip their limbs around to send large arcs of water in all directions.
I back farther up the beach, but soon Sop notices me. "Haddy! Join in!" She bunches herself up and starts swirling around to sling as much water my way as possible.
I freeze in place, trying to figure out if she could actually sling water the ten meters to my location, and realizing that no matter what I do, I can't dodge it.
Sop releases her custom wave, and the water glistens in the sun as it soars in my direction.
I resign myself to freezing to death and close my eyes, waiting for the water to hit me.
And wait.
Hey, I've been in stressful situations recently. I know how time seems to stand still, but this is ridiculous.
I crack open an eye to see that the sand is wet in a half circle around me.
S.A.T.8 steps into view. "Miss me, Hadwin?"
"Y-Yeah. Nice save, Belle."
She smiles. "Of course."
P90 pops up, wearing a wetsuit. "No fair coming to the beach without us." She grins at me.
"You already got your date." I grin back.
"So, how do we look?" She asks, planting her hands on her hips and standing tall.
"Where's your scuba tank?"
"I left it back at base." She nods. "But I think I still look good in this."
"Maybe if you threw your tac vest over it." I poke fun in her direction. "Now, I can totally see how Esvie would wear that."
SV is wearing a wetsuit as well, but hers is a blue camo pattern. "Huh? What does that mean?" She asks indignantly.
"If you start to drown, how are we going to see you? You're camouflaged." I say, noting that the urban blue camo isn't actually that close to the color of the sea right now, but right now I'm teasing the blonde.
"I… didn't think of that." She looks away, considering something.
Tokarev moves into view in a racing swimsuit in her normal navy and cyan colors. Before she opens her mouth, I'm already turning her way.
"That looks good on you, Tokarev." I preempt, and she smiles contentedly, skipping off towards the still ongoing water battle, presumably to join and cause chaos.
P90 and SV take off after her, and the seven dolls fighting it out in the water becomes a ten doll, three way battle. Enough water is thrown into the air that at times it looks like a localized mist has descended.
"So, do I…?" S.A.T. begins to ask, before trailing off.
I glance at my savior and note that she's wearing a plain white bikini. It… might have belonged to my mom? I hope it's not the same one, but given S.A.T.'s clothing preferences...
"It suits you." I tell her. "Just be careful, there's a bunch of perverts on the beach who are likely to stare at you."
"Oh?" She glances around. "I don't see anyone though?"
I glance around, and realize most of the guys standing around an ogling have left, though there's this one guy curled up in the fetal position, crying, and I can see UMP 45 walking towards one last group that's already backpedaling nervously.
"...I need to put out a fire before it starts." I grumble. "Why don't you become the queen of the water fight, untouched and yet on top?" I turn and give her a wan smile even as I start walking towards UMP 45. "It'd be hilarious if you could pull it off."
"I'll see what I can do." S.A.T. nods, heading towards the water's edge and the veritable doll-made typhoon.
I turn back to see UMP 45 had distracted the two guys by screwing with their cell phones, and they're both hurling insults at her.
"Asshole!"
"Bitch!"
I step up next to her to see she has a contented grin on her face.
Creepy.
"What'd you do?" I ask quietly.
"Oh, I just sent a picture of RO and 416 to each of their girlfriends. You know, I think I'm doing them a service." 45 nods to herself. "They're better off without guys like them."
"I know I told you I had no objections, but are you trying to ruin their lives?"
"...Yes?"
"Right." I turn to the two idiots. "Look, just clear out, okay? You're only going to make it worse for yourselves."
"What d'you know, dork?" One of them yells. "Fucking flat chested bitch did something and now Betty's sending me angry texts about girls in bikinis!"
Beside me, 45 tenses up. Honestly, I'm not sure how he can tell how big 45 is or isn't under her typical jacket which is over a racing swimsuit of some kind.
"Yeah, so you like em flat, huh?" The second one jeers. "Since the whore just cost me my girlfriend, I guess I'll just go take one of yours."
I briefly imagine one of them trying to force Sop to try to date them. Halfway through, everything explodes into a pool of blood. The others wouldn't be quite so violent, but the outcome would likely be the same.
"...Good luck?" I say as a question.
They sneer at me, giving me the finger before deciding this isn't worth it and just turning away.
"Phew. That was close." I say.
"Oh, it's not over." 45 mutters darkly. She strides up behind the retreating guys, stopping as she steps between them.
They turn in surprise, and she reaches up, one hand on the back of each of the heads, and she slams their heads together.
There's a sickening crunch as both of their noses disfigure. Hey both start growling and whining in pain as 45 walks back to me, her good cheer restored.
"I always wanted to do that."
"Right… well, good job securing a stretch of beach for everyone." I nod to her. "You did a good job."
"Spare your praise for a doll who wants it." She says, but some of her evil grin is back. "In any case, I think it's about time to join the battle."
"Hah, no, I'll freeze to death." I shake my head. "You can go if you want."
"Mmm… well, don't really feel cold per se, but we can sense it. Our operating range far exceeds a human's but still, I don't think I want to subject myself to that." 45 informs me.
"Oh? Well, I wonder why they're all alright out there." I contemplate the water battle which now encompases a large portion of the beach in front of me.
"Probably all those extra layers." 45 sneers distastefully. "Extra weight, no real purpose aside from attracting the scum of the earth."
"...Oh, you're talking about…" I let myself trail off.
45 is pulling the jacket tight over the front of her body, either because she's stretching or because she's trying to prove something. I don't see why dolls would have to stretch, so-
"Don't worry, I try not to discriminate among woman just by how big they are." I reassure 45.
She freezes up once again, her expression growing steadily more hostile.
"I mean, you guys can probably swap that kind of thing on the fly if you want, right?"
"Hey, Hadwin?" She asks sweetly.
"Y-Yeah?"
"Clench your jaw."
I barely see the metal fist coming, and I don't see anything for a few hours after that.
